SIX

JACOB

A BULLY AND A FOOL

I've been staying at one of the older vacant family properties from my maternal side, a house that was left to my mother, then to me and the twins with her death. I'm lucky to have the option since my father basically threw me out of the house for my crimes of betrayal, disobedience and negligence. The wooden house sits at the back of a small field with two other places on each side further up, forming a U-shape of sorts.

It's in dire need of extensive repairs, but it's got a fairly good roof and a couple rooms that are livable, and the toilets and plumbing work now that I've changed a few parts. I don't need the heat on, which is a plus. And instead of a fridge I use a cooler to keep some drinks cold. I've done a bit here and there to fix it up for now. Even slapped on a coat of dark green paint to boost it a little. I've cleaned up the old furniture and dusted the rooms out because my nose is too sensitive to allergens. It's good enough for receiving visitors – if anyone cared to stop by. Who knows how long I'll be here anyways, but it's better to be comfortable.

Making it a place to rest my head is all that I have invested in this place. But each night when I'm forcing myself to fall asleep, I try not to wish that Leah was lying next to me in bed. It's the hardest part of the day.

Her absence follows me everywhere. I see it in everything. The mug she doesn't grab to make coffee, the towel she doesn't use to wrap her hair up after a hot shower. The empty drawers where her things could have been. She haunts me.

Rachel invites me over for lunch most days when Paul isn't home, because he's none too happy with me either. It seems everyone knows now because my father blackballed me. Literally.

Rachel keeps me up to date with all pack news while I try my best to stay out of everyone's way. Apparently Paul shares the same opinion as Seth, that my mind can always change because of the imprint bond. He thinks it was wrong of me to take advantage of Leah. They get along these days, and he finally acknowledges her like a sister. The imprints feel bad for Nessie, because she deserves "to have what they have."

My stomach roils at the thought. "And Sam?" I query, because I notice that she conveniently has not called his name in any of the gossip.

"You know exactly how Sam feels about it, Jacob, don't play. It's a wonder he hasn't tracked you down yet."

I know full well that he will. I expect it to be soon.

"You know the best thing to do is call an official general meeting and talk about it, right?"

I scoff at the suggestion. "What is there to talk about? Leah and I were involved and now she's gone. Dad kicked me out for loving the wrong girl. No - Sorry – for being a disgrace to the Black bloodline. The packs hate me. I'm fucked. What else is there? It's done." I grab my beer from the coffee table and take a long gulp. I need to do something with my hands or I might smash a hole in the wall. Talking about the shitshow that my life has become each day with my wannabe-psychologist-of-a-sister, is both therapeutic and soul-crushing at the same time.

Rachel, who was just about to stuff a cracker layered with tuna salad, pauses with her mouth agape, and looks over at me. "There's still Renesmee! You forgot to mention that you still have to make things right with Renesmee – which by the way, is probably the only way you can get back into anyone's good graces. You need her to prove that she doesn't feel that way for you too, for them to accept that the imprint is just not the same."

"It was never the same because she is not fully human," I counter with as much snark as I can pack into it. "And please don't start, Rach. You know I need time to lick my wounds. It's not like I won't see her soon anyways, Bella's already got my flight booked, I'd bet."

Rachel huffs with her mouth full, and gestures to me with annoyance. "You are just not right Jake."

"What?" I sigh, feeling a little defensive and defeated at the same time.

"The things you say about that girl, you don't act like an imprinted wolf! And the more you hang around here and share what's going on inside that head of yours, the more I'm seeing things from your side and quite frankly it's freaking me out!"

At least all this "sharing" has finally paid off. With a groan I cover my face, letting my head fall against the back of her wine-coloured sofa. "I don't mean to sound like a dick. I care about Ness, she's great. I just wish it didn't have to be some supernatural thing forcing me to. Under any normal circumstance, she would just be Bella's kid and I wouldn't be a huge part of her life."

"But that's just it, it's not normal, and maybe forcing this is just making things worse. You can't love her and hate her at the same time."

"I don't hate her, I just….hate imprinting. It's in my way."

Rachel falls quiet, and fidgets with the napkin under her glass of cranberry juice. "You mean she's in your way."

I scowl. It really DOES sound bad. I feel so guilty but at the same time, it's the truth.

"I heard that Leah and Sue have been talking. That Leah's got a job now."

My body perks up with that sliver of information. A job is good news, that she's taking care of herself. But it also means that she's really planning to stay gone for a long time. "But they won't say where she is?"

"No."

I try not to show how much it upsets me. Sometimes I still can't believe that this is really happening. She's starting over somewhere out there without me. It's a hard pill to swallow. Honestly, I haven't felt like myself since she disappeared. There's this constant ache in my chest because all I want is to hold her, to smell her. Leah always grounds me in a way the imprint never has. It's a wolf thing between us, separate from the imprint. Maybe because she's my Beta, I don't know. It's just a bond that's stronger than the ones I have with Embry, Quil and Seth.

"You're a mess, Jake," Rachel rakes her fingers through my floppy hair. "You need a cut and a shave. You look like a caveman."

"I don't care Rach. Nothing matters."

She tuts and starts to gather our lunch dishes on the coffee table. I lean over and help, my movements almost lifeless. Rachel pauses and turns to me with a sad smile. "I'm sorry this is so hard on you Jake."

"I'm sorry too. I never meant to cause so much strife in the packs. I never meant to make her go. I just fucked everything up."

xxxxxxxxxxx

When I phase in for a run I meet Embry and Quil who are on patrol. Today is Black Pack day for running the perimeter.

"Everything good?" I inquire.

"Sure."

"Yeah."

Come their quiet and somewhat cold, responses. I mentally fortify myself for what likely is coming next.

"We need to talk," Quil tells me, and shows me where they are. Taking off with speed, it takes me only a few minutes to find them. They're stationed at some boulders far out in the woods, headed south. We all phase to your human forms, pulling pairs of shorts quickly up to our waistlines.

"So now you wanna talk?" I scoff. Just as I open my mouth, Quil comes at me with a raised fist. With my keen senses I manage to dodge it by the skin of my teeth, but he circles back and clips me at the back of my head.

"Fuck, Quil!" I growl at my cousin. Rubbing the sore spot I stand straight and look my two best friends in the eyes. Oh yeah, this isn't going to go well.

"You've been hiding like a real pussy." Of course Quil gets the ball rolling with his big mouth.

"Why?" follows up Embry, who, as usual, is the calmest out of us three.

I shake my head and crack the knuckles in my hands, a nervous habit. "I haven't been hiding, I've been finding a new place to live." Quil shifts impatiently and folds his arms across his bare chest, indicating that they're waiting for me to answer the question properly. "I've been...fucked up over Leah…I just couldn't deal with the outside judgments while I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that she took off and I have no idea where she is, or how she's doing. She won't return my calls."

Embry's face shows surprise but Quil's frown deepens.

"Of course not, you dumb fuck! Her common sense finally kicked in!" Quil spits. "Both of you should be flogged! You should have known better!"

I snort. "Flogged? Really?" I'd like to see someone try to flog ME. Or Lee for that matter. The thought makes my nostrils flare.

"Quil, cool it man," Embry, sensing my anger levels rise, hits his pack-brother on the arm. He comes closer to me and for a moment I think he's offering a hug but he doesn't. "What happened that she would leave like that?"

"I wish I knew, Em. I went to tell Bella about us. The plan was to start telling the pack, the Cullens and Nessie. When I got back to the Reservation she was already gone. She was suppose to wait for me so we could talk about how it went."

"You were going to tell everyone what?" Quil demands, even though he already knows the answer. I know why he's making me say it out loud. And I understand his pain, his misguided feeling of betrayal.

"That Leah and I were together, Quil. What's your problem?" Now it's my turn to fire off rhetorical questions to get under his skin too.

"How could you do that to Nessie? Huh? What kind of sick dog are you?"

"Quil!" Embry admonishes.

"No leave him Em. Let him keep flapping his gums and see where he ends up."

"We didn't come here to fight. Leave the fighting to Sam." I glance over at Embry, interested in what he knows. "Don't be surprised if he finds you tonight. The only reason why he hasn't already is because Emily's been begging him not to stir up trouble between the packs."

"Sam has no right to come at me with anything. What Leah does is none of his business."

"This isn't some pissing contest Jake, you broke the law. And someone needs to drag you down a peg or two."

"OH and is that going to be Alpha Uley, Quil?" I scoff. "Get the fuck out of here!"

"It's not a joke Jacob. We're all disappointed in you."

My brows raise with his bold declaration. "Embry you've known for like a month now, we talked about this." I don't want to show it, but a part of me literally hurts that my closest friend is not on my side. I hadn't wanted to believe it. But the fact that neither he nor Quil had sought me out before now, is enough evidence that our friendship is damaged.

"I was never okay with it, I just minded my business. I knew it was going to end badly. So did Leah."

Without thinking I lunge and grab my best friend in a choke hold. "What did you say to her!" I growl. It had been bugging me, the reason why she just left to randomly. Someone had clearly gotten to her. To find out it's Embry brings on a rage that feels like poison in my veins.

"Jake! Let him go!" Quil starts pounding on my back, forcing me to release Embry. It's a wonder that we're all still in human form. For a fleeting moment, a memory of us fighting as boys comes to mind, back when the most important thing was whose turn it was with the new comics or toys.

Stepping back from them both, I realize that there's only one way to fix this situation – this, problem with my pack. I know it might make my brothers hate me more, I know it might only drive us further apart, but I am doing my best to save our pack. And the Black Pack will never be whole again if Leah stays gone. I will never be whole again.

Allowing my Alpha eyes to come forward, I size them up individually and slowly step two paces closer.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY TO LEAH?" I roar, and the timbre in my voice shakes the ground like rolling thunder.

The Alpha command rocks both of them so hard that Quil and Embry drop to their knees before me.

"Fuck you," Quil hisses, because no one likes a fucking Alpha to exercise just how easily he can make you his bitch.

Embry sniggers and shakes his head. "Fine, fine, it's always your way anyway, right Jake? Since we were kids you always get your own way, Prince Jacob."

"I will not ask you again, Embry."

"I wanted to make sure she was alright, I asked her what happened between you two and she said she had something to go do, to mind my business. She brought the Rabbit to the store and asked Mom to give it back to you. She was upset that I caught her just before she got on the bus."

"WHAT? You saw her leave and didn't tell me anything? I could have easily followed her to Forks had I known right away! You had a right to tell me as soon as she got on that bus EMBRY!"

"She punched me when I tried to stop her! She didn't want me involved Jake! She didn't want you to know!" he shouts, glaring at me. "You know how Leah can be, we can't deny her when she commands us."

I run my hands through my hair, frustrated beyond words. I know he isn't lying. I know better than anyone how Leah is with the pack. She is capable of so much with or without me.

"Serves you right! You deserve her leaving. At least she was smart enough not to have real feelings for your sorry ass," Quil adds.

I roll my eyes, refusing to let his stupidity add fuel to my internal fire. "You don't know what you're talking about Quil, so shut the fuck up!"

"Well he's not wrong!"

"Meaning what?" I turn to Embry now, resisting the urge to butt their big heads together for talking to me like this.

I can tell he doesn't want to answer, by his grimace. "That it was just sex...to put it nicely."

I don't know if to believe him. But he can't lie to me, not when under command. "She said we were just fucking?" Embry nods and his frown softens to pity. Suddenly, out of nowhere, I'm the one who's weak in the knees and I fall to my ass on the forest floor.

Quil chuckles quietly. "She's not as stupid as I thought she was. She was just using you for some Alpha dick since she couldn't have Sam's."

I snarl and bare my teeth, but Embry slides between us and puts his arms out. "Stop! No more fighting! Seriously."

I push him away from me and turn my back on them both. They have no idea how humiliated I feel. So many things click into place and it's obvious that I've been fooling myself all along. There were so many times when Leah had been frank with me, like the conversation we'd had just before I went to the Cullens…she had tried to end it and I had pushed and insisted that I was going to Bella. I wouldn't let her end us, I'd shushed her with sex in the bathroom. That day she said we wouldn't last, that I'd have no choice but to be with Ness - the imprint was too strong, it could not be broken. She'd told me that it was the last time we'd be together and I never listened, I never even attempted to believe her because I was so confident and cocky that she'd want to fuck again. I was sure that everyone would be fine with us together because that's what I selfishly wanted.

My body shudders. I truly AM the reason she's gone. I wouldn't listen when she tried to save herself from me. It was just sex the whole time. There were no dates. I had no right to be angry with her or Embry for saying what was true.

Sex had a HUGE part to play, it wasn't a lie. Our wolves are very dominant around each other and the urges between us were hard to ignore after I got back from Spain…Sex between us happened without much thought or planning. It was a physical need that simply had to be fulfilled, that could only be fulfilled by the other. I had to have her and she had to have me, no questions. We didn't have an explanation for that need, so it was better to keep it a secret. We both worried about what everyone would say, but we just couldn't stop.

But by the time Embry found out, it wasn't just sex for me. I didn't want to stop, ever. I had learned every curve, nook and line of her body and I was addicted. By that time we cuddled and talked, and laid together in bed. By that time we kissed and touched each other leisurely. We'd allowed ourselves to feel something more, something that was just ours, that had nothing to do with the rest of the world. It wasn't just fucking by then.

My mind flits once again to the last time we made love – or fucked – in the bathroom, but as I replay the scene I am horrified by my actions. When she'd told me she was mine… Had she just said what I wanted to hear? Had I forced her? I had…I fucking had. Hadn't I? If I hadn't let the Alpha's need for her wolf's attention… her complete submission…to dominate my actions, would she have been strong enough to say no?

She never said she loved me back on the phone the last time I spoke to her.

As all the memories slowly slide into place, painting an entirely different picture from the one that I had been carrying around in my head for months, I know that it's over. It's over and I fought hard, and lost my home, and the respect of my father, for nothing but 'fucking."

A cool sinking feeling of dread creeps across the crown of my head, and descends on my neck and shoulders, making me tremble more.

All along, I had been a bully and a fool, and Leah was right to leave me.

AN; Thank you so much for the reviews! That last chapter was definitely something else, Honestly, I had no real plan for Billy's reaction! It's just what came out of the character at the time! So I've spent some time writing in another chapter that will clarify more of Billy's point of view - whether or not we agree lol. He and Alpha Jake definitely have stubborn characters in this fic. Still need to get to writing lots more chapters so I wont update daily like I usually do (posting before my story is complete is really not my bag becuz i hate writer's block and it happens a lot). I hope you all are staying safe and healthy! Good health is the ideal way to beat covid 19. turmeric, honey, apple cider vinegar, garlic, ginger, cayenne pepper in water make a good immunity booster you can take daily!