~Prologue~
"You're leaving today."
It's not a question.
I nod. "Ness is teleporting me to the SkyTrain station."
Dad closes his newspaper. There's something dangerously cautious about his tone, the same kind of tone that signals a calm before a storm. Whatever he's thinking, he doesn't sound too pleased. "This... Ness. He likes hugging you."
"He hugs everyone." Mostly untrue, but my dad wouldn't know that.
"You let him hug you."
"He's my best friend."
His voice turns concerned. "He likes guys."
"And there's nothing wrong with that," I say quietly, and Dad's eyes rake over my face as if trying to figure me out. I wonder if he's suspecting something. I wonder if he knows. Either way, he should know better than to underestimate Ness as a Smasher. He's more than qualified for the position.
"So long as you know." Dad drops the subject with a shake of his newspaper. "I'm glad that we don't have to worry about predators under this roof. Your brother was straight too. Better to stay that way."
I stay silent. Considering that Claus has made some poor-ass life choices like running away from home as a kid and probably getting his throat slit in a dark alley somewhere, I'm not sure if that's a justifiable reasoning for his hypothetical sexual orientation.
But in my father's eyes, Claus could do no wrong. Claus was brave. Claus was smart. Claus had always been the better twin, and it was true. Had he been alive, had Claus grown up to resemble someone like Ness, I had no doubt that he would've gone off to do bigger and better things. He wouldn't have stayed here and watched our family waste away into misery. I couldn't imagine Claus wanting to sit around in our tiny dingy apartment, biding his time for an adventure and playing his cards safe. His own impulsiveness was his downfall.
But as amazing as Claus is, I'm nothing like him.
I catch my dad's eye and the sinking feeling returns to the pit of my stomach. I'm not Lucas. I've never been Lucas. I'm an impersonation of my brother, a cheap knockoff strung along on a buy-one-Claus-get-one-free. I'm only supposed to be the carbon copy of my dad's favorite son.
And shamefully I don't mind at all. I've never been a leader. I don't lead; I follow. I've never been comfortable in my own skin, so I've grown used to hiding in others. First I've been walking in Claus's shoes, and now, I trail behind Ness's shadow.
The boy named "Lucas" has never existed.
I've always been a copy of someone else.
Finishing the last dregs of his coffee, Dad pushes his chair back. "I'm going to work. Stay out of trouble," he says, slipping on his shoes. He takes one, two steps before coming to an impressive halt at the door. "Lucas. I don't mind if your friend fools around with other boys. I don't mind if you keep him at arm's length. He's not my son. You are." His eyes shift to meet mine. "And no son of mine is a faggot."
My throat closes up. "Right, dad."
Tilting his cowboy hat over his face, my dad shrugs on his jacket and pushes his way outside.
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~Chapter 18~
Everybody Talks
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Aside from his lukewarm welcome, Master Hand looks just as ill-tempered as he did the morning the Koopalings destroyed his coffee maker. I quickly take a seat next to Samus, and sensing that Master Hand's anger is about to boil over the pot, Ness wisely holds his tongue.
When we peel into the Front Grounds, the change of decor is impossible to miss. Frost coats the neatly-trimmed hedges in a soft blanket, and the Grand Fountain - a marble statue of a giant Gamecube controller - glimmers under a thin layer of ice. It's as if Christmas has come early and dressed Smash Mansion in bright hues of red and green. Master Hand gestures at the limo driver to park, and as soon as the car doors smoothly click open, he floats out. Taking that as a sign to follow, we hurry after him.
Twitching at the doors, Crazy Hand is the first to greet us inside the Mansion. "wELcOMe hOME, bROTHeR DEArEST!" he cackles, throwing on a spare glove over his brother's fingers. "i daRESay yOU aRe ChiLLeD tO tHE BoNE!"
"Yes, I was, thank you, it is quite cold indeed," Master Hand says wearily, glancing up at the ceiling. "Judging from the intact skyscraper, I assume that there's been no trouble on your end?"
"nO tROUBLe?!" As if in disbelief, Crazy flips out and makes a wild gesture with his fluttering fingers. "YoU sHOuLd hEAr the rUMOrS eVErYonE'S bEEn SPreaDiNG-"
"What rumors?"
"nOT tELLiNg! iT'S A sEcrET," Crazy Hand sings. "eVerYoNE'S bEEn awFUlly ADAmEnt aBoUT nOT tELLiNg yOu, eVEr! aND thAt's nOT aLL. taLk aBOuT tHE bOMb iN tHe sKYtRAiN... aND oOOh, AbOUt tHaT BrEAk-IN aT tHE mUSEUm yeSterDaY nIGhT iN OnEtT-"
"Crazy," Master Hand interrupts sharply. "Not in present company."
As if just noticing us awkwardly lingering in the foyer, Crazy Hand cackles, "A-wHOOpsie! aLmOSt LeT SOMeThiNG sLiP aGAiN!" When Master Hand brushes past him, Crazy leans into my ear with barely-suppressed glee. "sOMeoNE sTOLE sOMeTHinG pREcIOUS frOM tHE mUsEUm, yES, yeS. sOmEThINg oF mY bROthER'S. A vErY nAStY bUSinEsS-"
"Crazy."
"cOMinG brO-bRO!" Crazy hoots, sweeping after him.
Samus shuts the Mansion doors. As soon as they echo behind us with a resounding thud, Kirby floats off into the direction of the Cafeteria for search of food, and Pikachu scampers down Samus's shoulder to lick a spot of dirt out of his fur.
"I know Porky's got a sore spot with you two, but leave the legal business to Master Hand," Samus sighs, recharging her gun. "Master Hand should crack down on the police force and swab the deck for evidence. In the meantime, he's upping security inside the Mansion-"
"Master Hand looks, er... pissed off," Ness observes.
Samus clears her throat. "He's been like that since this morning."
"Really?"
"Yep. He caught Lucina and Pittoo tongue-wrestling each other in the broom closet-"
Ness doubles around. "Lucina's dating Pittoo?" he sputters.
Samus grimaces. "It caused a huge uproar in the fandom while you two were gone. Master Hand's not happy. You've heard him rant about interdimensional relationships before-"
"Wh-What did Master Hand do to them?"
"Oh, nothing," Samus says, dismissively waving a hand. "Master Hand threatened to throw them out onto the streets, but Crazy was all for it. Said who cared if a little love fed happiness and chaos into this uptight Mansion. First time I ever saw him talk Master Hand out of anything. Still, Master Hand's in a sour mood. Better avoid him while you can." Looking oddly concerned for our welfare, Samus pokes Ness's bag with her blaster. "You two, uh, better drop off your bags and start training. The Championships aren't going to disappear any time soon."
Ness snaps out of his stupor. "Oh, yeah. Lucas, I guess we'd better check what time our match is airing for Round One."
"Smart move. And Ness?" When Ness turns around looking confused, Samus slides her helmet shut. "I hope you know what you're doing." She strides towards the training rooms with Pikachu hot on her heels.
Ness stares after her. "What is she talking about?" he says blankly. I shrug.
Approaching the lobby, we notice that even the elevators look different. The glass elevators are no longer made of glass; instead they give off a liquid silver sheen, its once see-through glass panels switched for fancy gold-plated sheets and gray steampunk gears. A Christmas wreath adorns each one.
Despite the competitive air of the Winter Championships looming over our heads, a festive Christmas cheer has snuck its way into the Mansion. It dangles on the baubles of the snow-capped trees Olimar recently hauled in, and glitters in the last-ditch sprigs of mistletoe that Captain Falcon hurriedly plastered over the arches of hallways and corridors. If that isn't blatant enough, Rosalina has started floating around the Mansion knitting ugly Christmas sweaters for everyone. She's rounding the corner with Peach when Ness and I hurry out of the elevators, and as they pass us, Peach's exasperation is clear in her voice.
"-all those sweaters! The tournament's coming up in three days-"
"Christmas is an Earth Tradition, is it not?" Rosalina flicks her wand. The finished sweater drops on a waiting string of Lumas, who - struggling underneath the dull blue-gray sweater of a Pokeball - chirp happily and bob away in search of an elusive Red. "You were baking pies and scones in the kitchen the other day."
"Yes, but Rose-" Peach says weakly.
"In the midst of fierce competition lies great companionship." Rosalina gives into a serene smile. "Fear not, for I have trained hard. You know I cannot let you have all the fun, dear sister. Now, let us enjoy the Christmas festivities."
On the other hand, Marth looks stressed out beyond comparison. He's apparently holed himself up in the library whenever he's not sleeping in his room or training with Roy on their tag-team strategies, reciting physics formulas and political history facts in whatever time he can spare.
"Cheers," Marth says distractedly when Ness and I take another hard-earned practice round, and without a moment to waste, bustles out of the training room.
"His finals are coming up," Roy helpfully supplies, and with a jolt, I remember that Marth is currently a junior at Smash University.
Marth isn't alone in his distress. A couple of his friends in the early twenties are caught in the same predicament. Throughout the morning, I see Zelda and Link huddled together in hushed whispers over an open Introduction to the Life Sciences textbook, and Cloud gritting his teeth over The Culture and Civilization of Smash City with a nonplussed Robin pouring over his own meticulously handwritten notes on Ancient Greek Mythology. Only Shulk looks relaxed among his peers, watching over his friends' shoulders in polite interest.
When Marth buries himself in a pyramid of textbooks in the corner of the cafeteria during brunch, wallowing in a pit of simmering distress, Shulk unwisely approaches him.
"Uh, Marth-" Shulk pats him in the shoulder. "You do know that our exams have been moved to January, right? All the professors granted us an extension because of the Championships-"
"I am not failing my classes," Marth snaps.
Shulk laughs. "You, fail? Four-point-oh Hero King Marth? That's impossible-"
"Try me."
"Even Link's given up on studying until after the Championships-"
"Link is a smart man."
"But my future vision-"
Marth slams English Through the Ages shut. "I'm taking seven classes and have three exams back-to-back on the same day," Marth says, his voice cracking, and there's a twitch in his eye that fails to mask his dangerous undertone. "If you distract me one more time, Shulk, by the gods, I will personally run Falchion through your spleen."
"You better sod off, Shulk," Roy says sympathetically at Marth's side, and Shulk scrambles away for a seat between a laughing Link and Cloud. Catching my eye, Roy gives me a wink before Marth shoves a textbook into his face and demands Roy to quiz him.
But the surrealism only peaks from there.
Despite her headstrong nature, Nana seems more flustered than usual, tripping over the training equipment and refusing to meet my eyes. On my way to the water fountain after yet another brutal practice match, Bayonetta throws me a knowing smirk, slow and sultry, before ruffling my hair like I've made her proud. Bowser and Wario stop conversing at once to watch me trudge into the lobby, then guffaw into tears when I stare their way. To my own mortification, Captain Falcon dashes over and slaps me hard on the rump with a crowing, "Yeah, go get some!" and I even see a flustered Samus bring Ness off to the side during the day.
"She said she was sorry for doubting me," Ness says, turning red in the face when I ask him what she wanted.
At wit's end, whenever I approach someone for answers, they'd hurry away, suddenly busy. What's more, the Smashers give us space like we're contagious. Like Ness and I were stuck back in grade school, and everyone else was in on an inside joke we weren't privy to.
So it's with an air of relief when I find Ness chilling in the cafeteria. He's snacking on baby carrots when he spots me, and when he waves me over, I join all-too-gratefully.
Alone together at a table, Pittoo and Lucina sit together with linked hands, and speak in low, concerned undertones. Their conversation radiates with an unmistakable intimacy, and in the far corner beside his wife, Robyn, I spot Lucina's father - Chrom - glowering at the new couple with deep resentment. It's clear that he doesn't approve of his daughter's relationship. I can feel Chrom's foul mood simmer across the cafeteria, and from the way Ness is edging away from Chrom's full-force stare, he certainly feels it too.
Searching for a distraction, I pour myself a glass of water. "Everyone's acting odd."
Ness sputters, "O-Odd?"
"People kept saying congratulations to me all morning. I'm not sure why. It was a little weird," I confess, twisting the bottle cap back on.
"You too?" Ness says incredulously.
I sit up. "What's going on?" I say stupidly.
"Beats me. I have no fucking idea." Ness shakes his head before tilting his own waterbottle back. He swallows, then wipes his mouth with his sleeve. "Maybe they're just happy to see us back in time for the Championships."
"Maybe," I repeat, scratching the back of my neck.
"Chrom though," Ness says under his breath, glancing at the intimidating man who is currently searing us nicely under his gaze. "I swear, he thinks it's somehow our fault that Lucina hooked up with Pittoo. Can you believe that?" Ness sounds wounded by the accusation, and I can sympathize. I'm having a hard time believing that chill-as-a-cucumber Chrom can give anyone the DIE SCUM look, but when Chrom turns to direct his scowl onto me, I hastily drop my eyes. If looks could kill, Ness and I would've been creamed on the spot.
His mouth full of half-chewed baby carrots, Ness furiously waves his hands around. "I mean, wif the bay eybeebuhdee's aboiding us... " he swallows down his food. "Seriously, what did we do? Like I give two shits about whom Lucina's dating-"
"Yo, if it isn't my two favorite homies," Popo exclaims, slinging an arm around our shoulders. Trailing behind him, Toon and Red awkwardly hang back, holding their trays. Popo glances over in Chrom's way, then whistles. "Damn, you've really pissed Chrom off-"
"What now, Popo," Ness says irritably.
"Just checking up on you, obviously," Popo says, his cheer never faltering. At his side Toon whispers frantically under his breath, "Nooo, Popo, we shouldn't bother them-"
"Can someone tell me what the fuck is going on?" Ness says loudly, and some heads turn his way. "Everyone's been avoiding us like the plague!"
I glance at Red, but he pointedly refuses to meet our eyes. It's Popo who answers, giving in with a small snigger.
"Duh. We're giving you two space."
Ness frowns. "Space? For what?"
"No wonder Chrom wants to kill you. He's after your guts for setting an example to his daughter-"
"What example?!"
"Nessie, I'm hurt," Popo says, faking a wounded expression while clapping a hand over his chest. "As your former ex, I thought you would've at least told me you were dating Lucas."
The words don't quite sink into my head until Ness twists himself around like a pretzel. Struck speechless, he's doing the perfect goldfish impression, opening and closing his mouth in a comical 'o'.
"I, w-what?!" Ness manages to choke out.
Hopelessly oblivious to his shock, Popo pats hims on the back. "It's nice to know that you two are finally together-"
"We're not dating," I say quickly.
"Course you aren't," Popo says earnestly.
"No, we really aren't," Ness insists, quickly regaining momentum. "Look, Popo, it's just a rumor, so drop it-"
"Not when you two were going at it back in Lucas's apartment."
My blood turns to ice.
Ness's face rapidly pales. "You were awake?" he whispers.
Popo looks like the smuggest bastard in the world. "Oh, hell yeah. We were listening to you two make out all night long-"
The back of my neck has started to prickle, and I know from Popo's sudden look of triumph that my face is flushing deep crimson. Ness shoots me a panicked glance, and I notice that his face has turned paler still in contrast. One thing's for sure: he's reflecting the same horrified expression on my face.
Toon turns scarlet. "I... I wasn't listening," Toon defends lamely. "I woke up-"
"-and I'm surprised that Lucas's dad didn't. You two were loud," Popo hoots, elbowing Ness in the side. "Ness, you player, you."
Ness has turned as white as a sheet. He grabs Popo by the arm. "Listen, you don't understand, it was only a dare-"
"Pretty passionate for a dare, don't you think?" Popo grins, yanking his arm away.
"Will you give it a rest?! It was a dare, Popo!"
"Sure thing, Nessie," Popo says airily, waving his hand. "Geez, the next time you two want to cozy up and kiss each other, just say so. Well, anyways, my best wishes to you-"
"FOR THE LAST TIME, WE'RE NOT DATING," Ness yells, leaping to his feet, and the Cafeteria falls into a hush. "LUCAS. IS. MY. BEST. FRIEND!"
Everyone stares at us like we've grown two heads. For a second, it seems like Ness's words have finally gotten through.
Then a snort of derision erupts from one of the tables, and to my dismay, everyone breaks out laughing.
"Good one, Ness!"
"Best friend? Don't you mean boyfriend?"
"Hey! Hey, Ness! Is Lucas your bestest best friend?"
Swearing loudly, Ness grabs my hand. "Come on, Lucas," he mutters, throwing everyone a dirty look. "Let's get out of here."
"Come on, Lucas," Wolf mimics, and when I fluster, heating up at the remark, the entire house falls into shambles from another round of laughter.
Ness throws Wolf a venomous scowl before dragging me away by the arm. I'm thankful for his quick-thinking, because the cafeteria has dissolved into noisy chaos. Jabbing a finger accusingly in Wolf's direction, Marth has risen from his seat, looking furious and red-faced from yelling, and just as Ike leaps to his feet to unsheathe his own sword, the doors slam shut.
I spare the closed doors a nervous glance. "Yikes."
"Yeah." Shaking, Ness grips my hand tighter. "Don't listen to them, Lucas. Wolf's an idiot."
"Right," is all I say, because stupidly, all I can think about is how warm and toasty Ness's hands are.
To my disappointment, Ness clears his throat and quickly lets go of my hand. The lopsided brim of his hat covers his eyes. "A-Anyways, I checked the match-ups. Round One, we're against Marth and Roy."
His tone is deceptively casual. I quickly catch on, pretending that a loud large-scale brawl isn't breaking out in the cafeteria.
"Let's practice with CPUs," I suggest, and at the change of thought, Ness perks up. When he lifts his head, I can see that his expression has brightened up.
"Level 7 CPUs. Yeah, because all Level 9s shield like hell," he grumbles along, leading the way to the training rooms. "Marth's gonna be tricky to beat since he's got good range, so here's what I'm thinking..."
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~oO0Oo~
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Contrary to what Ness thinks, I rise late because I sleep late. I don't fall asleep often, and whenever I do - as Claus once said - I sleep like a rock. I'm afraid of too many things. I'm afraid of the things that go bump in the night. I'm afraid of sleeping, of dreaming of premonitions and of reliving painful memories. I won't get bad dreams if I don't sleep, so I often stay up. I'm not a sound sleeper. Whenever I grow tired, I take little naps during the day.
But now that my own feelings are forcefully stabbing me in the back, I'm all too aware of Ness breathing in the second twin bed.
I guess the closest I've gotten to a crush was idolatry. I've had my own share of people I looked up to, had a handful of people I've admired as role models - role models who inspired me - but a crush feels nothing like this. Idolatry is placing someone on a pedestal and cherry-picking their best qualities.
Crushing on Ness is different. Ness is my friend. He's not perfect. He's just as vulnerable to his doubts and feelings as anyone else, but somehow, whenever the going gets rough, Ness stays confident. He doesn't shrink back from a challenge. He doesn't hide from his faults. He tries to stay strong, tries to improve himself, and above all, tries to stay himself. He's so unafraid and so painfully honest about himself that it makes my chest constrict.
I want to be more like him. Have the courage to speak up for myself. Be genuine with myself. One day. Someday.
My chest constricts tighter. I can't explain why, but making Ness happy is... important. I find myself wanting to put his needs before mine. I find myself worrying about him more. I find myself thinking about him more. Even things as mundane as what he had for lunch. Or if he's feeling nervous again. I want to hang out with him. I want to listen to what he has to say. I care about how he feels, and I care that he's happy. Making Ness happy makes me happy.
Ness makes me feel alive. He fills up the gaping hole my brother left behind.
I prop my head against my pillow, and wonder how long I've felt this way. How I haven't realized for so long. I don't know if I love Ness, but I do know that I do care about him. That's what love is, isn't it? Caring for someone?
All of a sudden, I feel very stupid. This is no differently from how I've treated Ness in the past. Small wonder Ness thought we were in a relationship. I don't know much about couples, but I know a thing or two about what they do. They hold hands when it's cold outside. They watch Netflix on Saturday nights. They buy each other icecream after working out and flip a coin for the bill. They hang out together, they share a room together, they sleep together.
We do all of the above.
Seriously, the only thing screaming friendship is the fact that we aren't kissing and trying to get into each other's pants.
Well, no. We've even kissed, if you count the fit of debauchery in my apartment, and as for the latter-
I scrunch my eyes. What's next? Sex? I think of Ness's half-lidded expression, and the back of my neck begins to burn. Fuck fuck shit. This scares me. I'm not as asexual as I thought I was, and this revelation has left me reeling on my knees. It's as if the puzzle pieces are clicking together, and I can see the bigger picture. The moment Ness saved me at the Ruined Zoo. The moment Ness hugged me when I cried after another nightmare about Claus. The moment Ness squeezed my hand tightly before my first brawl and whispered it's okay, you can do it.
I should've known.
I squirm uncomfortably in place. It's not up for debate - Ness is a good friend. If I'm going to be overly sappy about this, then yes, he might even be what I'd consider my best friend. But now things are different because I've realized that I'm maybe, sort-of, questionably in love with him, and that flips my entire world upside down. Whatever's going on, one thing's clear: I am feeling something, a something that makes me feel all warm and squirmy inside whenever Ness is nearby - a pleasant feeling that bubbles up my throat and clogs up my words on their way up to my mouth.
Maybe it's his laugh. Whenever Ness laughs, it's infectious, so much so that it makes me stupidly happy for no reason, and I don't feel so lonely with him around. It makes sense, I think, because Ness is my best friend. He's someone I can trust through trying times, through thick and thin.
I want to make Ness happy.
Then I remember how distraught Ness had been coming out, and my heart sinks. If Ness had felt that guilty over a supposed gay crush, then I'm not sure about how he'd react to my own feelings. I don't want to make Ness cry. I don't want to make him upset. I don't want to make things any harder than they are on him.
Ness is a naturally happy person. It's his default. If anything, he deserves someone who can make him feel equally happy, someone who won't drag him down.
Then the truth strikes me hard, because I can't be that someone. I can't make Ness happy. And I can't make Ness happy, because I'm too jaded and cynical and unhappy. I'm swamped by financial problems. I bear the heavy burden of a broken family. I know tragedy because I've witnessed it first-hand, while Ness has grown up relatively sheltered from the outside world.
Even if Ness miraculously decides to return my own feelings, there's so many reasons, thousands and thousands of reasons why it wouldn't, why a relationship between us could never work out. In the end, my emotional baggage is too heavy for another person to hold.
I can't make Ness happy.
The painful, achy feeling in my chest intensifies, and my heart pounds louder in protest. I wonder if it's going to explode. I really hope not.
Suddenly, Ness bolts up, and I watch him clamber off his bed. From the sounds of it, Ness has been awake. He's been awake the entire time since we turned off the lights at ten and - from glancing at his fluorescent glow-in-the-dark clock - Ness has been laying awake for the past few hours. While Ness generally sleeps well, tonight's different, and I have an inkling on why.
It's the week of the Championships.
The washroom light clicks on for the second time that night, and when I sit up and rub the sleep from my eyes, I hear the toilet flush. After a rush of tap water, Ness slips back out. Seeing me up, Ness's tired eyes light up into a sheepish smile.
Even now when he's worn out and exhausted, he's trying to smile.
"Sorry- I'll try to keep it in-"
"You need to eat," I say calmly, or as calmly as the butterflies in my stomach let me.
Ness laughs - it's impossible not to smile while he's laughing - and pokes his stomach. "I think I need to eat less-"
"I've got peppermint tea."
"Really, Luke, you don't have to-"
"If I brew something, will you drink it?"
"Uh, I guess-"
I take that as a yes and slip out of bed. "Give me a minute."
It doesn't take too long for the water to boil, and when the kettles hisses and steams, Ness steps into the kitchen with a yawn. I slide his mug over - the dorky May the Force be with You mug Tracy got for his 14th birthday - and set my own boring blue one onto the table.
Ness cautiously reaches for the cup. He lowers his face into the tea and takes a slow sniff.
My throat turns dry. "Tea settles your stomach," I explain, suddenly nervous, but there's no need to be - Ness already downs the cup, hissing as the hot beverage scalds his tongue. He's hasty, even when drinking tea.
"Thanks," Ness says, setting the mug down. His eyes curiously flicker up to my face. "...How did you know that I liked peppermint?"
"I didn't," I say truthfully. Then again, Ness isn't picky with his appetite. I've never seen him refuse food before.
"My mom likes mint. She keeps a pot-plant of the stuff in the kitchen. It's one of her favorite herbs."
"Peppermint helps with indigestion."
"Huh." Ness deeply inhales the tea. There's a faint smile, a wistful one, but it slowly grows on his face. "Smells like home."
I swallow down the lump in my throat. My heart's doing weird, flippy-somersaults in my chest again, so I quietly bring my own cup to my face and hope that my face isn't as flushed as I feel.
"You're right. I feel loads better." In better spirits, Ness sets his mug down, and this time, I see that he's finished the cup. I stare at the steam spiraling from his empty mug, and then test my own tea by tentatively poking it with the tip of my tongue - it's still scalding hot. How? How does he do that?
"I'm hungry," Ness suddenly announces.
I laugh into my cup, and almost end up choking on my tea instead. "We could have a midnight breakfast party. Make syrup-drizzled pancakes."
Ness sinks his face into the table with a groan. "Fuck, that sounds really good- but we can't. I need to stop binge-eating or I'll throw it back up-"
"It's your nerves."
"That's a part of it." Ness appraises me, before his eyes lift up in a way that makes my stomach twist not-so-unpleasantly. Weirdly enough, I've never noticed how dark his pupils are, blending into his purple eyes. I can't tell where his pupils start and where the purple ends. "Anyways, Championships are up in two days. You ready to kick some butt?"
"You know it," I agree, and when he breaks into a crooked grin, sure and satisfied, I fist-bump him back.
Unfortunately, the modicum of calm doesn't last long. By the next morning, rumor mill's gone around saying that Ness and Lucas kissed each other's faces off. No matter how hard we try to avoid confrontation, Smashers kept flocking over to comment on our newfound "relationship."
"It was just a dare!" Ness kept yelling, but I think his reaction only made things worse. My flushed face certainly didn't do us any favors, and whenever we protested against another "congratulations" or "we accept you" or some other equally snarky remark, it resulted in a hoot of "Go get a room!"
When Ness looks ready to holler bloody murder on the Koopalings, who gleefully chant their third verse of "Ness and Lucas, sitting in a tree," I have to pull him aside before Master Hand drags us in for first degree murder.
"Ignore them."
"They're making fun of us," Ness snarls.
"And you keep falling for their taunts. Just ignore them, Ness."
Ness breathes in. He's trying to calm down, but when Ness's shoulders sag over, I realize that underneath all the shouting and yelling, he looks about ready to cry.
But Ness doesn't cry. Meeting my eyes, he tries to crack a smile. "Okay," he says softly, and that simple word makes my chest ache, because I know that he's hurting, but trying not to show it. He doesn't want to worry me. He doesn't want me to know how much everyone's taunts are cutting into his confidence.
Even now despite all the taunts and jokes, Ness doesn't run away. He's standing up for both of us. His courage puts me to shame.
So when Ness reaches for my hand, I let him hold it.
But the taunts don't stop, and Ness finally throws in the towel during lunch. Leaving his steak half-eaten on his plate, Ness roughly pushes himself out of the cafeteria. After a moment of indecision, I scoop up his tray and follow.
When I find him, he's rocking on the stairs between the fourth and fifth floor. I quietly plop down next to him, and when Ness doesn't respond, his head buried in his hands, I prod him with his half-finished cafeteria tray.
"You should eat."
Ness turns his head over. He gives a rueful glance at the cafeteria plate in my hands. "What's the point? I'm only gonna throw it back up," he says bitterly.
"You should eat," I repeat. Not for the last time, I wish that the Winter Championships are over so that Ness's appetite can kick back in. Whenever Ness gets stressed out, he stuffs himself silly, then throws it all back up. I'm desperate enough that I'll swear not to make fun of him for all the times he ate like a bottomless pit- I just want him to eat, because his tray's going cold.
As luck would have it, Ness ignores the tray. "I can't believe it," he cries, throwing his hands up into the air. "I. Can't. Fucking. Believe it. They know how shipping works. They know the media blows everything out of proportion. Seriously, I don't recall anyone saying anything when Bayonetta went out on a fucking date with Samus last year!"
I wearily sink down into my seat. "Their date was platonic."
"This dare was platonic too!"
"As hard as it might be to believe, friends don't usually kiss each other, Ness."
My words sail right over his head. "No one made a fuss about Samus and Bayonetta," Ness says stubbornly. "Everyone knew that Bayonetta liked to mess around-"
"But you have to admit that it was only a girl's night out."
Ness squeezes his eyes shut. "Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck." He's biting into the back of his knuckles so hard that they're turning white from blood loss.
I grab his wrist before he can draw blood. "Stop that."
Ness twists his hand away and buries his face into his hands. I can sense his rising shame. "Shit," he whispers hoarsely. "I fucked up-"
"We both did."
"I forced you to do the dare-"
"Ness, if I didn't want to go through with it, then I would've said so," I say firmly.
"-no wonder all those books were on sale... and if Jigglypuff's posted everything on twitter-" Ness looks up at me in horror. "Everyone's gonna think that you're gay."
A cold ripple of dread sinks down my spine. I'm not sure how Ness's mom will react to me supposedly "dating" her son, much less how my own dad will take the news. My dad's only living son, gay? Brilliant. I'm the family disappointment, but fuck, this news will definitely take the cake for sure. My father takes everything on the paper seriously. I don't think he understands the nonsensical logic behind shipping.
But Ness is upset over me being upset, and this bothers me more than anything else.
"Nevermind that," I say quickly. "Right now we need to figure out how to get out of this mess."
"Yeah, well how the fuck do we do that?" Ness flails his hands around to emphasize his point. "I mean, everyone either thinks you're stuck in the closet, or I'm in denial - and they think we're actually dating each other. What the fuck is wrong with everyone?! What do we do?" He chokes up. "Shit, what's Master Hand gonna do?!"
"An apt question."
We whirl around.
Breathing heavily like an enraged bull, Master Hand uncurls his fist. "You two. My office. NOW."
.
.
.
~oO0Oo~
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.
.
The minute we seat ourselves, Master Hand's scorching glower doubles in intensity. "Twitter has exploded."
"It was just a dare!"
"We can explain-"
"I've heard enough." Master Hand raises a finger to silence us, and sharing a frightened look, both of us close our mouths. Master Hand hunches over his desk. "First Lucina and Pittoo, and now you. I should've seen this coming," he mutters. "But it's inevitable I suppose."
I swallow down the lump in my throat. "I'll go pack my bags."
Ness starts with a jolt and looks at me like I've gone crazy. "What?!"
Master Hand frowns. "Indeed."
"It's the end of the line, isn't it, Master Hand?" I speak slowly, but train my eyes on my shaking hands. I've failed to push Ness away. I've failed to keep my feelings in. My fingers dig into my jeans. All of a sudden, the panic settles in. I don't want to leave. Not so soon. Not like this.
Master Hand clears his throat. "Look at me, Lucas," he says gently. "No one is getting fired."
Ness shoots his head up. "You were planning to fire him?" he sputters indignantly. "Over a shipping scandal?!"
"Ness-"
"Master Hand, Lucas didn't do anything!"
"Ness-"
"I swear, whatever it was, it was probably me-"
"Ness, settle down before I hand you over to my brother, Crazy."
Ness snaps his mouth shut, and stubbornly latches onto my hand. Sensing Master Hand's unseen eyes linger on our interlaced fingers, I uncomfortably shake Ness off. Ness looks hurt - my stomach gives an unpleasant lurch at his expression - but he awkwardly pulls away, stuffing both hands into his pockets.
Master Hand wastes no time to gloss over the sticky moment. "Let me try to make light of the situation." he booms. "You two... are not in a romantic relationship. Am I correct?"
I mutter in assent. Ness answers after me a beat slower.
"And this is the first time either of you have been dragged into a shipping scandal."
Looking uncomfortable, Ness shuffles his feet. "Second time."
"Ah. With Popo in Melee."
Ness wrinkles his nose. "Yeah."
"But I believe that had been a minor shipping scandal - something blown off after a matter of days. Nothing of this proportion." Master Hand leans forward, clasping his own figurative hands. "Listen to me, Ness, Lucas. You have no experience with what you will deal with in the next couple of weeks. Your mail will blow up. Every move you make will end up on the Internet. Do not respond to these people. Do not talk back to these people. "
Ness relaxes. "So basically, nothing new."
"On the contrary, no. The difference between then and now is that you are both in your late teens - the prime age of shipping. This means that fanservice will take a greater interest in both of you."
"As it did for Ike and Marth?"
"At your age? Very much so."
"Joy," Ness says bitterly.
Master Hand quirks an eyebrow. "On the contrary. I'm sure you know very well how their friendship declined."
The solemn answer stews into the queasy silence, and I realize that a few years ago, a teenage Marth and Ike must've sat in these exact same chairs at some point, listening to Master Hand dole out the exact same advice on their fate.
Ness reluctantly glances back at Master Hand. "Then-"
"I will say that which I've addressed to countless smashers before you, and that which I've addressed to Lucina and Pittoo. While I highly disapprove of interdimensional relationships - do not interrupt me, Ness - as long as your training record keeps up, I see no reason for punishment. Ness, you are almost eighteen, and Lucas, similarly so. On these grounds, I will no longer interfere with your personal life. You two are old enough to make the right decisions, and frankly, in the case that you are in a relationship, I have little interest in... whatever you do behind closed doors."
The back of my neck prickles at the insinuation.
Ness flushes like a tomato. "What do you mean whatever you do behind closed doors?! Master Hand, we're just friends-"
"Moreover-" he says, raising a finger to cut Ness's voice off. "I will repeat myself for the third time: bear in mind that you are responsible for your own actions. Consent of both parties was involved. Where denial is proof and refutation serves as fuel, the next few months of shipping will tax your patience. That said, as Smashers, your professionalism is of utmost importance. I will warn you, once and only once: I will not tolerate any ugly behavior between you two in this mansion. We don't need another re-enactment of the IkeXMarth fiasco. That means no fist-fights outside of brawls, nor sexual misdemeanors of any kind. I trust that you can ignore the shippers and be civil with each other?"
Ness and I exchange a reluctant look. Turning away from each other, we mutter our assent.
"Good." Master Hand impatiently snaps his fingers, and the doors swing open. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have some matters of importance to attend to. Kindly refrain from giving me a migraine before the Championships."
We file out of his office in downtrodden silence.
Master Hand let us go easily. Too easily.
At least his brother Crazy's direct. Master Hand is manipulative. His decisions often hide an ulterior motive - a well-meaning motive most likely, but a hidden one all the same. After stirring up all that vehemence about interdimensional relationships and threatening to fire me, I'm surprised with the lack of punishment he's been doling out on us over the past week. It's as if his focus is elsewhere. As if he's prioritizing a larger threat since Pokey's attack on the SkyTrain.
This bothers me.
And judging from his knitted eyebrows, I think it bothers Ness too.
Halfway to the elevator, Ness suddenly speaks up. "Why did you brush me off?"
I vaguely recall our linked hands, the frown radiating out of Master Hand in droves. "Master Hand was looking our way."
"If you didn't want me to hold your hand, then you could've said so." Clenching his fists at his sides, Ness breathes in, and while he's trying to stay calm, I can feel his frustration flare up like a gas stove. "You're not the only one dragged into this shipping scandal."
"I'm sorry," I say helplessly. "You know I'm not used to all this attention from the media. This is the first time I'm dealing with a shipping scandal, and I'm-" I swallow hard. "I'm scared."
Ness pauses. I feel his anger dissolve. He swallows too, and his eyes flicker to the floor. "I know. I'm scared too. But it'll be okay. We'll work this out somehow."
Even now he's trying to be strong. He's trying to be brave for the both of us.
Hesitantly, I offer him my hand. When Ness's eyes flicker to my fingers with a frown, I half-expect him to brush me off the same way I had in Master Hand's office, and sure enough, he looks more than ready to sock me in the shoulder. Sheepishly, I withdraw my hand, but to my surprise, Ness quietly leans into my side, linking our fingers together.
"It wasn't your fault," he mumbles. "It was mine."
"We were both at fault."
"I don't want to-" His voice cracks, and Ness chokes on his words. "I don't want to end up like Ike and Marth."
His hand is still warm and soft. Tentatively, I squeeze it back. "We won't."
"We won't," Ness repeats as if to make the words come true, then grips my hand tighter. "It'll take a lot more than a measly shipping scandal to trip us over."
I breathe in. "So... what now?"
"What do you mean?"
"Anything we'll say from now on won't hold any weight. Ignoring the shippers seems like the best option-"
"It won't help," Ness quickly cuts in. "You remember how badly the media pressured Ike and Marth-"
"As long as we don't acknowledge the scandal-"
"Trust me on this one, Lucas. The shipping won't fade."
I accept this explanation without question. Ness has experience on his side. He's been through this more times than I have. When I spare a glance at him, Ness is deep in thought.
"Lucina and Pittoo look really happy together," he says quietly.
Do they? I flashback to their joined hands, their low undertones in the cafeteria. Barring Lucina's heavy bags and Pittoo's slumped shoulders, they'd seemed like a close couple. Perhaps they were. They certainly didn't look un-happy.
Ness stops so suddenly that I almost bump into him. He turns around. "I don't want them to break them up."
"Same," I say quickly, but I'm not sure about where he's going with this.
Luckily, Ness doesn't leave me in the dark for long. "Lucina thought that we were dating, so she didn't even know that she was breaking the rules. I bet that was the only reason Master Hand let it slide."
"But we're not dating," I say, exasperated.
"I know. But if we convince Lucina that we're not dating, and everyone hears about it, Master Hand might change his mind. Or Chrom might pressure her to break up," Ness pleads, and fuck it if my guilty conscience is getting the better of me.
I give a low groan. "Ness, I think Lucina can take of herself. She's a lot stronger than she looks-"
"I'm not saying she's weak, but Lucina's super close to her dad," Ness retorts, and I'm surprised by the conviction in his voice. "You saw Chrom in the cafeteria. Do you think he went easy on Lucina just because she's his daughter? I doubt it. It probably took Lucina everything she had to stand up against her dad. Because believe me, it fucking sucks." Ness draws a shaky breath. "Shit, I'm sorry, Lucas, I don't know... I just feel so bad for Lucina. Either way, if she's the only one in an Interdimensional relationship, she'll be under a fuck ton of pressure."
Oh. I didn't even think about that.
I lower my voice. "Then what do you want to do?"
Ness worries over the brim of his cap. "I don't know. Fuck." He glances at me anxiously. "Okay, I've got an idea. A stupid idea. But only if you're okay with it."
"What idea?" I ask, watching him apprehensively, because I'm starting to get a bad feeling about his proposal.
Taking another breath, Ness clenches my hand so tightly that his nails dig into my skin. "...We need to fake a relationship."
A hot rush of blood crashes into my ears.
No.
No, no, no.
"We're not faking a relationship!"
"I know, dumbass! Just hear me out for a sec," Ness wails when I turn to him agape. "We're friends, aren't we?"
"Debatable."
"Come on," Ness groans. "I'm being serious here."
I'm tempted to retort how "fake-dating your best friend" was considered a serious idea, but after taking one look at Ness's desperate expression, cave in. This better be good.
"Anyways, we're friends-"
I give an incoherent grunt.
"And neither of us has been in a relationship, right?"
"...right," I say, curiosity getting the better of me.
"Then we'll be horrible in a relationship together," Ness finishes triumphantly in the air of one realizing why one plus one equals two. There's a gleam in Ness's eyes that screams CRAZY PLAN TIME, but considering how many times his crazy plans have saved our hides, I give Ness the benefit of doubt.
"You know how people started shipping me and Popo in Melee?" I'm about to answer in the negative, until Ness hurries along. "Well, it never blew up into a big scandal because we pretended to be together." Ness enthusiastically waves his arms around. "Don't you get it? That's the thing - Popo and I were good friends, so the whole relationship was a joke. We didn't even last a week together before we "broke up,"" Ness laughs, air-quoting the words. "I guess it helped that this took place before Jigglypuff had a twitter account, but yeah, by the time the rumor surfaced, everyone thought it was some huge joke. I don't think anyone except Popo remembers our shipping scandal."
"You... dated Popo?" For some reason, this makes me feel weirdly unhappy.
Ness recoils. "What- no! I wouldn't even touch him with a twelve foot pole!"
The unhappy feeling disappears. My stomach feels loads lighter. "Then-"
"Don't you see? Everyone already thinks we're together, so if we pretend to be together and show everyone that the relationship won't work out, then goodbye shipping!"
"You can't erase shipping forever," I point out. "IkeXMarth shippers still exist-"
"But we'd prove everyone wrong about us."
"Or we can ignore them," I say.
"...We can try," Ness says dubiously.
Neither of us says a word.
I breathe in, pinching my nose. "Okay, maybe you're right. We're just friends-"
"Right," Ness says quickly. "Just friends."
"And if we're just friends, this... relationship won't go anywhere."
"Exactly. We just have to pull it off long enough for Lucina to settle things with her dad." This time, Ness looks up at me. Now that he's over his excited rambling, his forehead creases with a hint of undisguised uncertainty. "Lucas, are you... are you sure you're okay with this?"
I think of Lucina. I don't know her. We've rarely interacted, maybe exchanged words once or twice in passing, but from the little I do know of her, she's a congenial person. I think of how happy she looked with Pittoo, but also of how tired she looked, and I wonder if upsetting her father has taken a larger toll on her health than she lets on.
I think of my own dad. I think of how serious he'd sounded back home.
No son of mine is a faggot.
Then I think of Ness. How he manages to squeeze in helping other people into his schedule. He might not be always right, he might not be too careful about his own safety, he might make the craziest plans that completely overshoot the problem, but Ness has his heart in the right place. He puts everyone's needs ahead of his.
"I'm okay with it," I say softly.
Ness looks surprised by how easily I've caved in. If anything, my answer has the opposite of the intended effect - Ness's frown deepens. "You're missing the entire point. If you're not comfortable, I'm totally fine with just ignoring the shippers-"
"What's the plan," I say firmly before I can regret it.
Ness's expression turns solemn. "Okay, the plan: We pretend that we're in a relationship. Then I guess about a month in, we break it off. Convincingly. We just have to fake our way through until Chrom and Lucina make amends. That way, when we split up, everyone will realize we were just friends. Simple. We kill two birds with one stone."
Easier said than done. Forget pretending to be in a relationship, I'm as romantic as wet plaster. In any case, hands down, Ness would make a better fake boyfriend than I ever wou-
Boyfriend.
Ness is my fake boyfriend.
The unfamiliar word makes me feel weird and squirmy inside.
Ness's voice dies out. I wonder if he's thinking the same thing, because his eyes have grown round with the Shit, are we actually going though with this look, and as selfish as it sounds, I'm glad because it reminds me that I'm not alone.
Ness is my friend.
Ness is just my best friend.
I swallow hard. "You think we can really pull this off?"
Ness intently searches my face, and I feel my stomach lurch under his scrutiny. "Yeah. I think we can."
Then the butterflies swarm my stomach, and I give an awkward sort of spasm that was supposed to be a shrug. A fake relationship. No feelings attached. I relax. We're friends, close friends maybe, but definitely nothing more. I think of Lucina openly tongue-wrestling Pittoo in the broom closet, of the (probably) sappy expression on Pittoo's face, and I think about kissing Ness with the same sappy expression on my own face.
I give a horrified shudder. Oh, I'm definitely passing on the PDA.
Ness is right. A relationship between us wouldn't work out. We wouldn't last a month together. By then, Lucina and Chrom should be on better terms, I can explain to my dad that the relationship had been one big joke, and Ness and I can return to being friends.
One month.
I can get over him.
When the warm, fluttery feeling spreads from my stomach to my fingers, Ness jerks his head up, surprised. When I look down, I realize that I'm holding his hand, and the back of my neck prickles. Oh. That explains the warmth spreading across my hand.
Embarrassed, I duck my head and try to pull my hand away. "Sorry-"
Ness tightens his hold. "It's okay," he says, his voice oddly quiet underneath his favorite baseball cap.
Author's Note:
Decided to move my chapters around.
Happy reading!