FOURTEEN

IMPRINT

JACOB

Paris is truly beautiful, and it doesn't surprise me that Nessie loves it here. The old-world beauty mixed with the modern culture is totally who she is, where she comes from. When I arrive there's a town car waiting to carry me to her apartment. The driver can speak English, and I ask him about the city and its safety. He assures me that Paris in the summer is a very lively place but safe. When I ask him what areas are usually full of shady characters he gets spooked. I roll my eyes and tell him not to worry. I'll just have to get intel from the Cullens. They should have already mapped out the areas that need our attention anyway.

Nessie's place is in a really cool apartment complex, on the fifth floor. When I knock on her door, I hear her squeal and the pounding of her footsteps as she runs across the floor. I'm already smiling and waiting in anticipation to catch her when she flings herself into my arms.

"JACOB!" she cries, hugging me so tightly around my neck that I have to pry her off like a little monkey.

"Hey Ness!" I pepper her face with kisses, which makes the wolf happy and satisfied – in a brotherly type of way.

"Come in, come in! How was your flight!" she pulls me by the hand and grabs my travel bag, dropping it onto a chair by the door.

"Long as fuck, but good. You okay?" I look around, surprised to see that no leeches are around.

"I'm fine, don't worry."

"Where's everyone?"

"Around. Mom and Dad are on patrol duty right now."

I nod, content with that information. "Nice place, Bug. It's really you." I step further inside, surveying the joined living room and kitchen area. The apartment is mainly white and beige, but she's got tasteful splashes of shades of purple, taupe and gray with throw pillows, paintings and glassware.

"Thanks, I had fun decorating all on my own."

"I bet your aunt loved that."

"Alice gave me a passing grade, I know it killed her not to make any suggestions. But I did allow her a couple additions here and there though. Gran told me it would make everyone's life easier if I did."

I snigger. Some things never change with those leeches.

"Hungry?" she proposes, gesturing to the kitchen where sure enough, I am directed to the scents of beef and potatoes.

"Hells yeah, whatchu got? You cooked?"

"Of course! I had to cook for my favorite wolf!" Nessie throws me a beaming smile and for the first time since I've arrived, I really allow myself to look at her properly.

Her red-brown hair is bursting with giant curls which she's irreverently shoved onto the top of her head with an elastic. She's still around 5 foot 7. She's kept up her fitness regime as she has an athletic swagger in her walk. Her skin is still creamy white but with a touch more color and her jawline a bit sharper than before. She's wearing faded blue jeans that are baggy and folded at her calf, with a pink sweater. Like Leah, there's no make-up and yet her face is radiant. She's beautiful in an ethereal kind of way, which is to be expected of a hybrid like her. She's got that magnetic aura around her, like what a leech would have to attract the attention of a human. But it's not threatening, it's enchanting in a good way. Overall, I'd say Nessie hasn't changed that much and it's a relief to see that her growth really has slowed down.

Her brown eyes sparkle as she watches me back. She knows exactly what I've been doing, assessing her like that. She knows how we all worry. "I'm fine Jake! You're the one who won't stop growing! I think you've gotten huger since the last time I saw you. Seriously? It's time to stop! You won't be able to fit on the airplanes anymore. You'll have to be stowed away with the baggage and pets!"

I chuckle at Nessie's jokes. And she's right. I barely fit in First Class on the flight to Paris. Every time I go wolf for an extended period of time it happens, I grow more as a man.

"It's really great to see you Jacob. I'm so glad you're here," she simpers at me while dishing up my plate.

"Me too." And once again the imprint pulls at me. I find myself feeling guilty for how distant I've been. I haven't had the best of intentions towards her, and maybe I've been unfair. She's not her family, and she doesn't even know anything about me and Bella or Leah, and yet I've been basically blaming her for everything fucked up in my life.

Even now I can't deny that just being in her presence makes me feel a whole lot better, in the simplest way of being with someone whose love for me is pure and untainted by drama…at least for now, until she learns the truth.

I try not to think about that really hard conversation she and I need to have, as we settle in for dinner, just the two of us.

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Things have been good the last couple days. Nessie put me up in her guest room and we've been having a blast just catching up on everything that's been going on with her. In the morning we watch cartoons and eat cereal just like when she was a child, and in the afternoon, she shows me around her campus and favorite café and shopping spots.

I've met with the Cullens, and though relations were strained; we discussed the Volturi and I accepted their assurance that there was no threat. I've made my own patrols with Emmett, and have found no scents which is also reassuring. Edward knows I'm not happy that he set Aro up to video chat, but he seems to think that was the safest option rather than him demanding they pay a visit to Volterra. I can't argue with that.

Rosalie and Bella were acting all weird and nice towards me, suggesting I do this and that with Nessie to ease her nervous energy about the calls. In the end I asked them to back off and leave us alone and I think that pleased them more than anything. At this point they're just as annoying as Quil.

I've taken my time observing Nessie and my wolf's reaction to her, and I feel confident that things between us are still platonic. The wolf is happy to be with her, but it still doesn't feel the need to mate. It just wants to care for her, protect her, like when she was little. It boggles my mind that the wolf still feels this way, but it gives me hope that the imprint can stay as it is. It makes me feel like less of an unsure, crazy person. I can be confident that I never once lied to Leah about that.

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It's been three days since I arrived and I know I can't delay having "the talk" with Nessie anymore. At this point, I do need to get some things off of my chest in addition to the many people on my back. I decide, after we get back home from dinner and the movies with a couple of her friends (who were ogling me the whole time and blatantly curious as to my relationship with Ness), that tonight is the night.

"Ness, we need to talk about something. About the bond we share."

She's on the couch reading one of her books for French Art History, swaddled in a black sweater and sweatpants. Nessie looks up at me with those big brown doe eyes that remind me of the Bella I lost every time, and nods. "I'd like to talk about that too, actually." She pats the space next to her and sets the book on the coffee table.

"Oh, well, okay."I go over and sit next to her, both worried and interested to hear her side of things. I chuckle nervously as I realize I have no idea how to start. I admit my discomfort and Nessie rests a perfectly manicured, warm hand on my arm. Her touch instantly calms me.

"It's okay Jake. If you're nervous, I'll start." I nod. "I guess I just never understood why you're bonded to me. Was it like a sworn oath to protect me from the Volturi? Did my mother force you into it?"

I laugh and shake my head. "No. Your mother definitely didn't make me do anything – she was actually pretty pissed the day she found out. It's actually related to my tribal legends. Remember the wolves are Protectors against the Cold Ones?" She nods. "Well, our wolf legends have more to it than that. Remember the story of the Third Wife?"

"The one who sacrificed herself for your Great Chief, so that he could kill the Cold Woman."

Of course she remembers, Nessie has a photographic memory. I had recited our legends many times when she was little, as I'd prep her for bed. We both preferred the legends to story books. "Yeah, well she was his Imprint, the first one we know about."

"Mom used that word before, but I don't really know what it means."

"You mother did what?" I'm thrown off-guard by her innocent comment. Bella had clearly been trying to meddle if she was telling Nessie about the imprint!

"She told me I was your imprint, it's our bond right?"

I nod again and try to keep on track with the conversation. I'll deal with Bella Cullen later. "Well imprint means soul mate, at least that's what the elders always assumed."

"But you're not sure it does?"

Nessie's always one step ahead. She's too smart for her own good. "No, because you're my imprint, and well, you're half vampire, a Cold One. Wolves and Cold Ones are not friends traditionally, far less soul mates. Also, my wolf imprinted on you when you were a baby, just hours old. And then there's the fact that your mom was my closest friend. I really cared for her and it just doesn't feel like we should - I mean, you're her daughter and I'm sixteen years older than you and for you to be my soul mate -"

Nessie holds her palm up to stop me and then giggles. "Okay, I totally get it. That's gross and you're totally not a pedophile Jake. We both know you'd be dead by now if you were."

"Yeah, exactly," I smile briefly in amusement at her candor. "Your parents though, and my father, and the elders and the packs…they don't see it that way. For them it's black and white, the imprinting thing. They think that you and me, we should be more – regardless of all the reasons why we probably shouldn't."

"I guess it makes sense now, the way Mom goes on about you not being around like you're supposed to."

Fucking Bella. She' been trying to sabotage me the whole time I've been gone. "Your Mom," I shake my head, willing the wolf to remain quiet. I could just take a bite out of that annoying woman – and not in a good way.

Nessie looks at me nervously. "Mom aside Jacob - for the record, I am not a kid anymore. And I know you keep thinking of me that way because I'm seven – well technically eight soon – but I'm not. I'm as grown as I'll ever be. I'm trying to live a full human adult life, no blood, no hunting. Just school and work and parties and friends…You don't have to feel dirty for looking at me as I really am. My age has nothing to do with my life as it is. I'm in college, I have a job and I pay bills – I'm not a child. I haven't been for sometime now."

I shudder, as my mind starts to dissect her intentions. Does that mean that she wants me to look at her as a man does a woman?

Nessie grabs my chin and shakes her head slowly in front of me. "I want you to see me as I am Jake, but I can tell that you're overthinking it, so relax. Just tell me what imprinting is like for the pack. Are there others? You never really talk about them and I just want to understand what the other imprints are like, please?" She releases me and nestles into the cushions and I follow her lead and try to relax too.

It's true, I've always kept a lot of information about the packs from her, mostly out of fear of not being in control of what I wanted our bond to be like. While Nessie has the right to know everything, I've also never liked the idea of Edward having so much inside information on the tribe as it stands currently - which he would have because of his special, annoying-as-hell gift. His mind-reading thing is a huge problem given that the Volturi mind-reader, Aro, could access everything Cullen knows with one touch. I would never put the packs in such a vulnerable situation.

"Tell me, Jacob!" Nessie pokes me in my side, bringing me out of my thoughts, and I'm forced to find the words to explain about the imprints.

"Well, from the time a wolf looks into her eyes, he becomes totally bound to her. She is the center of his world. Everyone and everything else in his life becomes secondary next to her. He'll be whatever she needs him to be: a brother, a friend, a lover, a protector. Sam, Jared, Quil, Paul…they've all imprinted. They feel the same way, like their imprints are what matter most. Sam, Jared and Paul are all married to their imprintees and they have children. But Quil's girl is young like you, well like a real eleven year old girl, and he believes that he has to stay devoted to her until she becomes a woman - and then they'll just fall in love and get married too."

"So he won't like, date anyone?"

"No."

"Oh! Well that sounds sad… and a bit weird."

I grimace. "Yeah, basically. It's definitely weird that he thinks of her that way – but it's purely innocent. Quil's like big brother and best friend. He loves devoting his entire life to Claire, playing with her and babysitting her all the time."

"Like how you were with me."

"Yeah. The thing is, we can only act based on what our imprints demand of us. The older imprintees wanted mates, so they got married. Right now Claire sees Quil as a brother or a friend, but she's also very possessive of him in how she loves him, and I don't think that allows him much room to date. All his attention is focused on making her happy, no one else."

"Was I like that?"

"Well, when you were smaller yeah, you needed me around all the time. But as you got older and you started homeschooling and travelling, you had other things that interested you. You had hobbies and you spent time with your family doing that. All of your free time and thoughts weren't dedicated to me, you had other people in your life who wanted to dote on you. Claire isn't anything like you, she just wants to play all day with Quil when she's not at school."

"So, are you saying that I should be more possessive of you?"

I instantly shake my head, because this is exactly what I never wanted her to think. Now she's aware of the noose around my neck and the rope that's in her hands, I instantly feel trapped. "That's how the imprint bond works for everyone else, but I'm not saying I want that for us – and that's why I'm having a hard time with everyone in my life: your parents, my father and the pack. They would like you and I to be more than friends. They expect the nature of our relationship to change."

Her entire demeanor folds in and I immediately want to kick myself for not knowing the right way to say that basically, I don't want her as a girlfriend, wife or whatever.

"I'm sorry, but it's not that I don't love you Ness, you know how much you mean to me even though I am shitty at showing it the right way. I just don't feel a romantic bond between us, now that you're not a child."

"I understand, Jacob." Her voice is so sad that it pains me to know that I've hurt her feelings.

"Ness, please talk to me, how does what I said make you feel?" I ask. I'm literally crawling out of my skin in anticipation of what comes next.

"I guess it's a little hurtful to know that you've been carrying this burden around for all these years…I never wanted to tie you down. I had no idea that's what I was doing. You were just like everyone else, you were always there. You were my best friend, more special to me than my uncles, and I loved having you around. I loved you doting on me. When you left Spain, I knew it was because you didn't like living with the coven anymore, and I had no problem with it because I understood that you needed to spend more time with your family back in La Push. But Mom was upset and kept bringing it up and it became confusing. I didn't really understand it before - that if it wasn't for me…you'd never have been with us in the first place."

"You're right… I was there only for you, not your Mother, though Bella would like to think of it that way. But I didn't want you to know about the imprint because it felt inappropriate, you were just a kid. It's not something we tell our imprintees until we think they are ready to hear it. But Ness, I realize that I was selfish and totally wrong not to explain everything properly before I just left you like that. That's why everyone's so upset with me, because you had a right to know when you matured."

"So why didn't you just tell me?" Nessie looks at me with those big brown eyes and I can see how much I keep hurting her.

I feel like a total chump. "Because…I was selfish, there's no other way to put it, I guess." I sigh and rub my hand over my face. "I didn't feel in control of my own life, I felt like a child living by other people's rules. And I just wanted to be a man, not a wolf bound by some supernatural bond. I just wanted a chance to be on my own and think for myself. I needed a break before I had to commit to you forever – if that's what you wanted. Honestly, I've been scared that you'd want things to change when I still don't."

"The imprint makes you not capable of thinking for yourself?" she asks, perturbed.

"Yeah, it's that strong, like with Quil. The wolf reacts to everything the imprintee needs and the man basically complies."

"That doesn't seem fair."

"It doesn't feel fair either," I grumble.

"Jacob, I'm so sorry. You've done so much for me even though it was hard for you. I'm sorry for making you stay with the coven – even I know how unbearable they can be. I can't imagine what it was like for your wolf or for you." Nessie pats my chest and rubs it slowly with a sad sigh.

I pull her face up by the chin so that we can look at each other. "You have nothing to be sorry for, Renesmee Cullen. We're both victims of the bond. It has bound you to feel things for me too, to attach yourself to me, when that's not how you'd necessarily want to feel, given that your vampire nature hates wolves. The coven only tolerates me because they know you need me. Our two species are just not meant to co-exist. We each have to put our humanity above our carnal instincts to make it work."

"For me?"

"Yeah."

"Rose has always been so rude because she hates your scent, but I like it."

"And any normal hybrid or vampire wouldn't. I think the imprint happened because of your human side. It's that part of you that makes you like me. Otherwise, we're incompatible - without the bond, I never would have been a part of your life." Nessie frowns and sighs at my words, so I squeeze her fingers reassuringly. "But I'm glad I was there to protect you and watch you grow Ness. Without you I wouldn't have truly understood what unconditional love means." I scuff beneath her chin, trying to make her smile through the overwhelming news I've dumped at her feet.

Nessie's lips pull up at the corners, but her attempt to smile ends up a grimace. "Come here," I pull her onto my lap, securing her in the cocoon of my arms just like when she was a little kid. I kiss the top of her head and sigh. "Don't be upset."

"I can't help it, I feel as if I've had a bag over my head all this time."

"It's my fault and I'm sorry I was such a wuss."

"You should have had more faith in me Jacob. I don't want to be like Claire. And you don't have to fall in love with me just because of some Old Wives Tale. This is the modern world. We have rights now," she says, while burying her nose into the fabric of my shirt.

I feel the cool tingle of relief wash over me, of a noose around my neck vanishing, and I smile to myself. "Thanks Ness. It's nice to know that you're on my side, even though you don't have to be…"

She shrugs and mumbles, "I guess I can't escape the bond then either, huh?" Her miserable tone immediately halts my internal celebration, so I glance down to observe her face.

"You've always been selfless, with or without the imprint. But I don't want you to tell me what you think I want to hear. I mean, you don't have deeper feelings for me, right? Is that…would you want that to happen between us?" My heart pounds in my chest as I can't help but think about what Blondie said. Was Nessie hiding her true feelings to make me happy? Was that what the imprint was doing to her?

She shakes her head and pats me reassuringly. "I love you Jake, and you'll always be my person, just not in that way. In fact…now that I understand our bond better it makes sense, why I've always kinda been nervous to talk to you about me dating and stuff like that. We can always talk about anything; but that? Not that."

And it was because I had always been too scared to draw romantic attention to myself. I had a lot to make up for if my imprintee didn't feel like she could trust and confide in me about important things like that… "You can talk to me about dudes! I just need to check 'em out first, make sure they've got the right shit to date a golden nugget like you Ness. You deserve only the best."

Nessie smugly rolls her eyes. "You're just like my family! Gawd, that's so annoying!" she shoves her palm against my chest and I laugh.

"So are you dating someone now?" I ask, dipping a proverbial toe into the water. This is a whole new territory for us.

"No, I'm not."

Rosy splotches bloom on her cheeks and I snicker. She's so much like the human version of her mother sometimes. "Ness, what's going on, tell me. Or I'm going to keep you locked in a wolfy sweat box until you dish."

She giggles and it warms my heart to hear it. "There's nothing to tell Jake. I met someone when I moved here, but it didn't work out."

This shocks me, and I can't help but immediately worry about who or when or how, but the stern look on Nessie's face instantly tells me that she's not having an interrogation from me. Her father and uncles have likely already tried to get all up in her business. I banish the over-protective thoughts and offer my sympathy instead. "That sucks, I'm sorry."

"Yeah, me too. He was really nice, but you know, the Volturi happened and it was best that I ended it to keep him safe."

"I hope that one day they will never be a threat to your life. And don't worry, soon you'll meet another guy who'll be perfect for you in every way. He'll never leave or hurt you, and he'll love you for who you are. And as a bonus, I promise to like him."

Nessie laughs and swats my chest. "He sounds great, can't wait to meet this Mystery Man. But being hurt is part of the process Jake. Is love really worth it if you don't get hurt along the way?"

I think about me and Leah and I can't deny how raw her departure still feels. I think about Bella, and how it destroyed me when she chose Edward. "No, I guess it isn't."

Nessie notices that my mind has drifted to a far-off place and pulls away, pushing her back up against the arm of the sofa so that she can draw her knees up to her chest. "What about you? Were you in love with someone else?" she whispers, as if she understands that love is a very delicate subject for me.

"Part of the reason why I disappeared the other day is because I did something that pissed everyone off." I take a deep breath as she waits for me to continue. "I was sleeping with Leah for a while after I got back from Spain. And I thought we were in love…well, I thought that's where we were headed. But because of the imprint she refused to let it get that far. She understands how powerful the bond between you and me is, and she didn't think we could have anything serious because of that. So she just disappeared, and wants nothing to do with the pack or me… and everyone hates her for leaving, and me for betraying the imprint."

"Wow. I'm sorry. Poor Leah."

"I hope you understand that because of how things are platonic between us, I didn't think of it as betraying you, Ness. The others are baffled because they think that I shouldn't have been able to be with anyone else…but Leah and I had a special connection, it was very strong and my wolf wanted it as much as I did."

She sucks in her bottom lip and bites it for a few seconds before giving me a slow nod. "It's fine if you want her to be your mate, Jacob."

"You know Ness, I think you might be more grown up than I am. I haven't given you enough credit. You're being so cool about this whole thing. I'm really grateful, thanks for understanding."

She smiles and ducks her head. "You're welcome, Jake. You're the best friend and protector any woman could have, I'm grateful to you too."

Preening a little from the compliment, I shrug it off. "Yeah well…I wish I was a good boyfriend too…I don't do good in relationships. Me and love are like frenemies. Seth was right, if we were together, I'd probably ruin your life too, and I'd never live with myself if I did."

Her eyes widen and her mouth falls open. "Seth said that?"

"Yeah…I can't figure him out these days. It's like, on one hand he doesn't want me with Leah and on the other, he doesn't think I'm good for you either. He hates me now, and we've always been so close. None of the guys want anything to do with me. If I wasn't here with you right now, I'd still be gone. I can't go back home." I don't bother to tell her that I've already been banished. That's definitely not her burden.

Nessie seems moved by what I've told her, and reaches for my hand and squeezes it, her sympathy projecting through touch. I can feel how much she wants me to be okay. "You're one of the best people I know, Jake. You deserve to make your own happiness, just like anyone else. You should be successful with your cars and bikes, and have a hott woman who's into that stuff, to give you beautiful babies that I can spoil. But I think you have to really believe that you deserve it. No one should make you feel bad about your dreams. And bond or not, I won't stand in your way, I promise."

And if she's the only person in this world who ever believes in me, I can be alright with that. Because I finally understand. Deep inside my gut I now know, that this is the value of our imprint. It's a long-awaited feeling of clarity I embrace.

When La Push turns its back on me, I'll always have Nessie Cullen to be on my side. I'd begun to see her as something holding me down, but really and truly, she is the one person in my life who wants to see me fly.

AN: Hey there. So I will admit this is one of those chapters I revised a million times over the last few months because it was so dang HARD to write - plus I decided to make some changes with the story and after all that had to redo it last week. How do you write a chapter where the guy basically feels like the girl ruined his life, but it's not her fault, he thinks she's great, but he wishes that he'd never been bound to her? Yeah. This is that. So be gentle please! Lol. I really tried to be fair. Jacob doesn't hate Nessie, he just hates being tied to her and her family. They get along great, he is affectionate with her because she is still his imprint. They have a bond But he just doesn't see her in a romantic way. As for Nessie's feelings? Well, you got a clue here, but guess what, she's up next!

I'm still dealing with block on the big chapter (Billy vs his kids and Leah) I have to write which sucks because I don't want to proceed to another without deciding what happens, but I may have to do that. The biggest problem is who should the POV come from, if I could figure that out then maybe it would be easier. I will not be doing any with Billy's POV at this point. At this point I may have to do a general third person pov and call it a day. but if you have a suggestion let me know. i was thinking Jake or Leah but they said no :D hehe which leaves Seth, Rachel or Rebecca and they been quiet too.