Fall: Part Three
Two Weeks Later
"A'ight, boys, I'll make this quick, but this shit is important."
Jax shot his little brother a wary glance - Tommy lifted his eyebrows in anticipation, but they held their ground across from JT with their elbows rooted into the kitchen island. Might as well let their dad get it out of his system and then if they were lucky, they'd never have to have this conversation again.
"Look," JT ran a hand over his face, taking a second to adjust the lapels of his Reaper kutte. "I'm not gonna stand here and pretend I got my head buried in the sand the way that guy over there does," he jerked a thumb behind him, right in the direction of where the Toscano house sat across the yard. "What do you think me and your mom got up to on our prom night, ya know?"
"Aw, shit, Dad," Jax grimaced. "We don't gotta hear about -"
JT held up a hand, tired and weary as usual, like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. "I know, I know. It's the last thing you wanna hear - I got that. All I'm tryin' to say is that I've been where you two are, and I know how it goes. Now, I don't need to know what the plans are after the dance under three conditions. One, nobody drinks and drives."
Both Tommy and Jax's heads dipped down in a tight nod. That one was a given. JT paused there just to make sure that first condition was good and clear.
"Two, you answer your phone if I call you, no matter what time it is."
Tommy's lips parted to protest, but when JT's face turned to stone right in front of them, whatever he was about to say died in his throat.
"I'm not sayin' I'm gonna call to check in," their dad eyed them carefully. "But if I do, you better answer - you're not gonna like what'll happen if you don't. Same goes for Ope too."
"Alright, alright," Jax held up both hands in surrender, answering for them both despite the annoyed glare Tommy sent his way. "You call, we'll answer."
"You guys are lucky it's me keepin' an eye on things tonight," JT flashed a shit-eating grin at one son before turning it on the other. "You could have Piney and Leo breathin' down your necks. Shit could always be worse, right?"
The brothers exchanged a wary glance, but JT was spot-on. They were lucky as shit Piney was already out of town with Otto on a run, and Leo would be spending the majority of his night patrolling the streets to try to keep order and stop any stupid drunk drivers from killing themselves or someone else on prom night - instead of the alternative.
So, yeah. Shit could always be worse.
"And last, but definitely not least," JT dug into his back pocket as he spoke, and flipped a few condom packets down on the counter, gesturing to them with a ringed hand. "You'd better use one of these if it comes to that tonight. Don't be stupid, and take care of your girls."
Tommy didn't hesitate, reaching forward gingerly to slide not one but three condoms toward him and then shoving them into his back pocket like they were hot potatoes. Jax, however, went rigid next to him, his back stiff straight - and suddenly, his palms felt clammy and sweaty and his face burned white hot.
"Jackson," JT's eyebrows lifted into his forward and he gestured to the leftovers on the counter. "You're not leavin' this house until I know those are in your pocket and until you promise to use them."
"It's not like that with -"
JT's hands flew up in the air, but he still held his ground. "You don't have to explain anything to me. Just take 'em, okay? Whether you use 'em tonight or not, you're gonna have to at some point. Might as well be prepared."
Well, when he was right, he was right. Ignoring the smug smirk from his little brother, Jax slid the leftovers closer to him and shoved them in his back pocket. This didn't mean anything. Preparation was key, just like his dad had said, and no labels meant no expectations - other than that he hoped Kat had a good time. With him , specifically. The rest of it didn't matter.
"A word of advice, sons," JT's lips quirked in amusement as he took in the sight of them standing across from him - Tommy decked out to the nines in a carefully pressed tuxedo, complete with a matching vest and bowtie. Jax, naturally, had opted for a nice suit, white shirt, and jacket, just like he'd promised his date, but the tie was nowhere to be seen. "If you find yourselves in need of those rubbers tonight or any night, just remember one thing: it ain't over until her eyes roll back in her head."
Jax squeezed his eyes shut. Jesus Christ, the secondhand embarrassment of this whole conversation was scalding. Fucking scalding.
"Actually," their dad held up a finger, a devilish grin spreading across his face. "Even if you don't get to home base tonight, or any night, it still ain't over until her eyes roll back in her head. Now, there are a lotta ways you can -"
"Aaaannnnnd, I'm out," Jax pushed out a rough exhale.
His dad threw his hands up in faux-annoyance, but mostly amusement, as Jax clapped his little brother on the shoulder and stepped around the kitchen island. JT lifted his gaze to the ceiling, shaking his head a little - but this wasn't exactly a conversation he needed to stick around for. At least not yet. Tommy, on the other hand, had his elbows planted into the counter, ready to listen with rapt attention.
JT held out a hand, and when Jax gave him the firm handshake he was looking for, his dad pulled him in for a tight hug.
"Drive safe and have fun, a'ight?" JT murmured in his ear. "Big night for you two."
His stomach tightened and coiled, but nah… he wasn't going to let himself get nervous about prom , of all things. It was just a dance. Just one night. She'd wanted to go, so he'd offered to take her. Simple as that. He wished that was enough to stomp down those butterflies, or the queasiness swimming around in his stomach that maybe this was just any old night to her . Or maybe - this just didn't mean as much to her as it did to him.
Living in those thoughts for too long wouldn't do him any good. And it was a surefire way to ruin this night before it even really started.
"Hey, wait up!"
Jax turned his head to see Tommy hurrying behind him with a plastic corsage box in his hand and a little bit of nervous anticipation zipping through the air between them.
"What?" he threw back. "You decided not to stick around for the sex talk?"
Tommy just batted a hand in the air as he fell into step next to his big brother. "Like I need that . I've already got it down to a science without even sliding past home plate yet."
"Uh huh," Jax smirked. This was good. Something to distract them both as they veered closer and closer to the house next door, where their dates were waiting. "You sure your heart's not gonna explode on you or somethin' tonight?"
"Oh, don't worry about me, bro. I went in for a check-up this week just to make sure," he didn't even bat an eye when Jax barked out a laugh. "I'm ready to rock, if you know what I mean."
Just as Jax's mouth parted to respond to that , his lungs seized in his chest when the front door to the Toscano house opened, and an angel stepped through the threshold with Tessa right behind her. He didn't even care that his steps faltered, or that he sucked in a gasp of air he couldn't hold back or that his little brother had to have noticed all of this… in that moment, every heartbeat pounding through his chest began and ended with her .
Her dark eyes widened, those thick eyelashes fluttering in surprise when she got a good look at the two guys in suits headed right for her.
But he'd never seen anything so pretty… so beautiful until right now. And he'd seen her float around her mother's dance studio day after day for years… just when he thought she couldn't get any prettier, she had to step out of her house in that floor-length shimmering midnight-blue dress with its tiny spaghetti straps and matching shawl draped elegantly through her arms. He didn't even know where to look first - just that all his focus got drawn in right to the gentle dark curls falling around her shoulders, because she never wore her hair down, and the soft pink gloss coloring her lips.
If he never did anything else in his life but take this girl to prom, then at least he'd always have this .
Maybe he didn't really deserve to be the one who got to ride around with her on the back of his bike tonight, and maybe if he thought about it for too long, he'd actually try to talk himself out of it too.
So the only thing to do now was turn off his brain and just go with it.
"Hey," Jax exhaled once she was within reach. He shoved a hand deep in his pocket to unearth a small package of Sour Patch Kids and tossed them to her, his heart surging in his chest when her pretty face broke apart into an even prettier smile when she caught the bag.
"What's this for?" Kat laughed.
"You said you didn't want one of those things," he gestured to the little scene to their left, where Tommy was fussing a little too much to get Tessa's corsage on just right , "so I got you that instead."
Her smile lit up the whole street.
"Okay," Kat bit her bottom lip as she tucked the candy inside her clutch. "Thanks."
It was right on the tip of his tongue to tell her just what he thought of her hair, and her dress, and her makeup, and her smile, but Leo materialized out of thin air, with Vera and Gemma and their cameras right behind him.
"Oh!" Vera clapped a hand to her heart as she moved right to her number one favorite. "Tommy! Look at you! All grown up… like a little gentleman over here…" and then she seemed to remember that there was actually another guy standing off to the side, specifically, the one who was actually taking her daughter to the dance. "And wonders never cease! Holy shit. Jackson, you sure clean up nice."
"Thanks, Aunt Vera," Jax rolled his eyes at her, and she patted his cheek just for good measure - Leo, on the other hand, just nodded to him tightly, but his eyes were hard and expressionless, and for a moment, Jax almost shied away when Leo held out a hand to him.
But he dove in anyway, trying not to wince when Leo pulled him in just a touch so he could murmur in his ear.
"You've got a helmet for her, right?"
Jax nodded tightly. "Sure do, Uncle Leo."
That wasn't enough to appease him. Leo just tightened his grip and squeezed his other hand around Jax's shoulder.
"And you're gonna go the speed limit - no messin' around and showin' off now."
"Right," Jax nodded again, but Leo still hadn't let go of his hand, squeezing his hand to bring him in just a touch closer.
"No funny business with her tonight. You understand?"
Jax's eyes popped wide right around the time Kat swooped in to rescue him, gently giving her dad a playful shove to the side - but Leo was an iron wall, unwilling to back down until he got the answer he was looking for, his arms crossed over the front of his police chief uniform.
"Promise, Uncle Leo."
Leo retaliated by jabbing a finger in his face. "Her curfew is midnight, Jax. Not a second later. Nothing good happens after midnight on prom. Now, you're welcome to come back to our house and hang out, but you will stay in the living room -"
"I got it," Jax's hands flew up in the air. "I got it."
By now, Kat slyly positioned herself right in between them, and luckily enough, Gemma and Vera were already waving the two couples together with their cameras primed and ready. Leo hung off to the side, but only really because he had to, and he tipped his chin to JT, who was watching this all play out a little too gleefully from the safety of his own yard. But a heartbeat later, Jax found himself pressed up against Kat's side, with his hand tentatively reaching for her waist as if it had a mind of its own.
This was what people did before prom, right? They took pictures together as couples - but that wasn't the right term and they weren't going to put a label on this - and then they rode off to some expensive restaurant they'd never go to otherwise, and then they'd dance and have fun and then… and then he didn't know what.
But the moment his fingertips brushed the side of her hip, Kat's head turned on impact. Her dark eyes glittering with excitement, and she inhaled sharply when his hand rested flush on her hip, warm and heavy with the weight of this new point of contact - they both knew he'd never done this before. Never touched her there, or just about anywhere before.
And it didn't stop there.
A few minutes later, once the moms were satisfied with their pictures and Leo shot him one more long, meaningful stare, he handed Kat the helmet he'd bought just for her and grinned when she took it from him without any hesitation. She plopped it on top of her head - no need to worry about ruining her hair - and snapped the strap underneath her chin. Now came the part he'd been trying not to let himself think about too hard for the last two weeks. Tommy and Tessa were long gone already - apparently, springing for the hotel room meant he couldn't as easily afford the limo and one was obviously more important than the other tonight - but the parents were still hovering on the Toscanos' lawn.
They might've had an audience, but now they were also standing right next to the Road King, primed and buffed and finally ready to hit the road. Kat glanced down at the long seat on his bike, then to the long skirt of her dress and back to the seat again.
"So…" she laughed a little anxiously, her hands gripping the sides of her dress. "Um, how do I…"
"Aw, c'mon, Bratarina. Nothin' to worry about," Jax chuckled, and before he knew what it was he was about to do, his hands settled on her waist to gently lift her off the ground and settle her onto the seat.
Some clapping and whistling from the yard didn't throw him off his game though. He couldn't stop now, at least when he'd come this far.
"Nice move, son!" JT's gruff, albeit amused voice called out.
Jax gritted his teeth, but he still didn't let himself look at the four parents standing on the lawn and watching every move he made. Leo, in particular, glared daggers.
"Jesus," Jax muttered under his breath as he strapped his own helmet on, glancing over his shoulder at Kat. "Eighteen years sure as shit didn't do me any favors, huh? I take you to one dance and suddenly I'm a suspicious hooligan?"
"Yeah," Kat huffed behind him. "He's being a real idiot right now. And we really don't have to go back to my house after the dance if you don't want to. He's just being… weird."
He shot her a smirk from over his shoulder. "We can do whatever you want after the dance, brat. You just say the word, and we'll go."
Maybe it was just reflex or intuition or something more, but when he swung his leg over the side of his bike and settled into the seat, her arms snaked around his waist and she scooted closer and closer until her chest pressed against his back. Kat rested her chin on her shoulder, because that was probably just the most comfortable position she could get in, given the way she'd had to hike up her long dress to get a leg over each side.
Being this close, feeling her soft body pressed up against him, the roaring engine between their legs, her chin nestled into his shoulder - this was exactly what he'd been chasing his entire life.
He just never knew it until right now, right here, with this girl.
They were speeding down the highway now, their world a promise of what could be - colored in by the heady rush of nervous adrenaline. With her on the back of his bike, everything seemed infinite and fleeting all at once. Like they had all the time in the world but were still somehow racing against the clock to catch those last glimpses of sunlight.
When they finally pulled into the parking lot - after a slightly awkward dinner with Tommy and Tessa, who were too busy looking at each other with stars in their eyes to do much else - Jax just let the rest of it go. Just let himself live in this moment and enjoy it - who knew if he'd ever get any more moments like this, so why not hang on to each one while he still had them?
If he focused too hard on everything else around them, from the shitty music and the crappy lights and even lamer dresses and tuxes filling the room, he'd lose focus on what was really important here.
And while he was positive they'd breezed right past Billy Morrow and his date, Zoey Torres, and could still feel the daggers Billy had to have thrown his way - it was just background noise.
Because now he got to fold Kat against his chest and wrap his arms around her waist and sway with her to some shitty slow song blaring through the speakers.
That was what mattered.
Now, he got where Tommy was coming from too - walking around like he owned the school because now he finally had the right to touch the girl he'd been wanting his entire life. Even if this one night was all he ever got, it was worth the wait.
But with the way Kat leaned into him… the way she pressed her cheek against his shoulder and sighed… the way she held on tight…
Was he reading too much into this?
Or was he just seeing and feeling what he wanted to see and feel?
But they'd said no labels, no expectations, and God knew he'd never expected this… feeling like his arms were wrapped around his whole world. His entire reason for doing anything. And maybe his entire life really had been leading up to this night, when he got to put on a suit and jacket, ride around with the girl on the back of his bike, and hold her and dance with her and just be .
And now, with the girl in his arms - couldn't he do anything? Be anything? What more could he ever possibly need than this?
It wasn't until they trailed behind Tommy and Tessa - who would be seriously lucky if they made it to Gemma's old Bronco without getting arrested for indecent exposure - that a heaviness hung in the air between them. Was it because the dance was over now? Or maybe -
Jax's head whipped to the side when he felt Kat's soft fingertips slide into his palm. Her dark eyes glittered and her lips curled, hopeful and sweet and beautiful - and then he did the only thing he could. He squeezed his hand around hers and tugged her in even closer.
"Where to, miss?" Jax smirked down at her, but his heart - Jesus, his heart sprouted wings and took flight.
"I have no idea," she laughed as he handed off her helmet. "I guess we didn't really think this through, huh?"
No.
They really hadn't.
"We don't have to go back to my house, you know," Kat offered with a shrug. "I mean, I know yours is right next door, but we don't have to go there either. I'm pretty sure there are probably about a million different parties too…"
He frowned down at her, even as he strapped on his own helmet. "Do you want to go to a party?"
"Not really," she just lifted a shoulder. "I don't know… I wouldn't mind doing something where it's just the two of us."
Just the two of us.
The words tumbled out of his mouth before he could stop them: "We could hang out in the treehouse or something."
His eyes just about fell out of his head at the way her mouth parted in surprise - shit, shit, shit.
"I, um," Jax tugged anxiously at the lapels of this stupid fucking suit jacket. Seriously suffocating him right now. "I didn't - fuck , I feel like that's code for something now and I didn't mean it like -"
Her light laugh split through all that embarrassment, not to mention the real and obvious fuck-up permeating the air around them, and she just shook her head.
"Just because Tommy and Tessa are using and abusing it, doesn't mean they get to ruin it for everybody else, right?"
Jax shifted next to his bike with some fresh anxiety shooting down his arms. "Okay, but just to be clear -"
"I got it, James. Don't make it weird."
But now the problem was, he had made it weird. They went up to that treehouse anyway - after tiptoeing through his backyard and helping her up the ladder - and they sat right next to the entrance with their legs hanging out over the side and sharing a few cigarettes because Leo was nowhere in sight, but he got the sense that maybe… maybe there'd been a moment here. A moment that had come and gone where he could've done something.
Something more than just talk or even more than just holding her hand - which, incidentally, they hadn't done since they'd been in the parking lot earlier.
This was his own fault.
He'd gotten in his head. Too far up in his head. And now he'd ruined everything.
"Hey, Jax?"
His head turned at the sound of her quiet voice in the stillness around them - nothing but moonlight and stars up ahead. "Yeah?"
"Thanks for taking me tonight. You didn't have to, you know."
"What are you talkin' about?" he grinned, and then he took a long drag from his cigarette just for a little more courage here. "I wanted to."
"You did?"
Jax huffed out a laugh, flicking some ash down to the grass. "Of course I did. Why do you think I asked?"
"To be nice?" she shrugged. "'Cuz we're neighbors? Friends?"
Friends. Neighbors.
He swallowed hard and wrapped his lips around his cigarette again to deflect. To buy himself another few precious moments of time. Those were such simple questions with such loaded answers if he really wanted to go there. Maybe he did. Maybe he didn't. Maybe he'd done himself a favor by epically messing this up… but then again, she had climbed up here with him. They could've gone anywhere else.
But she was here, and now he had the privilege of sitting about a foot away from her - right within reach.
That foot of distance felt like an ocean now, and he was swimming in it, barely treading water and keeping his head above the surface. He knew what he wanted to do, and what he wanted to say - but in the grand scheme of things, did it even matter? Weren't their lives headed in opposite directions anyway? A year from now, she'd be packing up and heading to New York City to make good on her dreams. And a year from now, he'd finally be sitting at the Redwood with a patch sewn onto his kutte.
Those were two opposite paths that… he just didn't see how they could ever converge. If they even should. Because God help him if anything he ever said or did got in the way of who she was supposed to be and what she was supposed to do - he'd never forgive himself for that.
Maybe they were both better off actually attaching the label they both needed right now.
Friends.
Neighbors.
Whatever they needed to do to quantify it in a way that didn't feel so goddamn terrifying - what was so bad about the way things were right now? What was so wrong about just leaving things exactly the way they were? Being her friend. Being her neighbor. Getting to see her and catch up with her like the old friends they were whenever she came home to visit.
That would be okay, wouldn't it?
But then his head turned, and his eyes collided with hers head-on. All those previous thoughts just flew right out the window.
No.
It wouldn't be okay.
It wasn't enough.
Maybe we are more than friends. More than neighbors.
The words just wouldn't come.
They couldn't.
Things were better this way - just as they were. Just like this. And some things were better left unsaid. Because did he want more? Did he want to move in closer? Did he even maybe want to try to kiss her?
The answers to those questions were all the same, and that was all pretty fucking dangerous. Tonight was just a moment. A fleeting second where he got a taste of something he wasn't stupid enough to convince himself he could have.
So he kept his distance, just like it was supposed to be.
Four Months Later
Kat paced backstage because these desperate butterflies had sent her reeling - the little auditorium Gemma rented out for the studio's recitals was filled to the brim, but that was the least of her worries. She glanced up at the highest row, where Tommy peeked out from behind his camera and tripod and waved, throwing her a thumbs-up with a goofy grin.
Hmmm. Maybe letting him play camera guy today was the wrong call.
But then again, they'd practiced and ran through the whole thing about five times already this week.
And with less than two minutes to showtime, it was kinda too late now anyway. He was the cameraman Gemma had chosen for her, and so he was the cameraman she was going to get.
This was it.
Her one shot.
There wouldn't be any other chances to send in an audition tape and apply, so if this wasn't enough, if she wasn't enough… if her form was off, or if her feet weren't turned out just perfectly… that was it.
Game over.
Do not pass go, do not collect $200.
All her hopes and dreams, completely shattered into oblivion.
Kat shook her head at herself… what are you even saying right now? This is insane. You're psyching yourself out. You'll be fine. You can DO this.
"Alright, sweetie," Gemma was murmuring in her ear now, clasping both hands on her shoulders to give them a little shake. "You ready for this?"
Her teacher must've seen the panic-stricken look on her face because she dipped down then, holding onto her shoulders with a little more pressure than before.
"Hey, look at me, Katarina," Gemma waited long enough until Kat did as she was told before barreling ahead. "You've got this. All your hard work, all your blood, sweat, and tears - every single hour we spent this summer perfecting this routine - it's time to leave it all out on that dance floor, okay? There's nothing left to do, other than to go out there and kill it."
She wished that was enough.
Why wasn't that enough?
"Come on, sweetie. Go on now - you got this."
Gemma gave her a gentle push toward the stage, where the audience and the bright, hot lights waited for her. She couldn't remember the last time she'd felt this way walking onto a stage - if ever . This was what she lived for. What she dreamed about - and the potential chance of a lifetime was right there, waiting for her the same way she waited for her music to start.
She exhaled shakily as she took her place in the middle of the stage, right underneath the spotlight, still waiting for the music to float above her head. Her traditional ballerina tutu flounced out around her waist… and maybe, just maybe, her blood sang in her veins in anticipation at this moment. This moment right before the rest of her life was about to start.
Her eyes flicked out into the audience, where she knew her family and friends were sitting, and while her mom gave her a little wave and a beaming smile - the pride on her dad's face was unmistakable. They wanted this for her just as badly as she did. Their time and their money wasn't for nothing… because they could all feel just how close she was to closing in on that dream she'd been chasing ever since she'd first stepped foot into Gemma's studio.
It was enough to surge her forward, to hold her position with her back straight and her body tall.
She wouldn't let them down. She wouldn't fail. She would be perfect .
And just as the opening notes echoed across the auditorium, her gaze moved down the row, past JT and Opie, and even skipping right past Tessa, until it landed right on him.
It was always him.
Everything had felt on hold up until this point.
Whatever moment they might've had on prom… she had no idea how it had come and gone so quickly and so fleetingly, when she'd been having the time of her life riding on the back of his bike with her arms wrapped around his waist, the wind in her hair, and freedom at their backs.
The morning after prom she'd found a dog-eared copy of Great Expectations lodged in between her windowsill, chicken scratches on every page as usual, but she couldn't remember the last time her and Jax had had a moment together where it was just the two of them, like they'd had in the treehouse on prom night.
Of course, the morning after prom, everything in their world had changed - because Otto and Piney had gotten arrested for gun running .
And when Jax and Opie officially became prospects just a few weeks later, the weight they'd had to carry as new prospects was even heavier now that the club was two patched members short. She didn't know much more about it - Leo had done a pretty good job of only speaking in generalities, not to mention regret that he hadn't been able to "warn" Otto and Piney in time… or the murmurings she'd heard in her kitchen one night when JT and Leo had sat there, huddled together as things like this needs to all be over before Jax and Opie patch in and it has to be now … in light of all that, Kat knew better than to ask too many questions, especially where the club was concerned.
And suddenly, Jax wasn't her next-door neighbor anymore either.
He'd moved into a spare room in the clubhouse right along with Opie the second that kutte was on his chest. Tessa had moved in with the Toscanos, furthering the upheaval of this entire summer, but if the adults thought her living with the Toscanos put any kind of separation between her and Tommy, they were just kidding themselves. But any opportunity she might've had to see Jax, even just in passing, had narrowed significantly the second he moved out of that house next door and set off to chase his future.
The summer had skated right by them too - a flurry of graduations and prospecting celebrations, workshop after workshop in San Francisco to prep for her auditions and applications to dance schools, and because of that, they'd never really been in the same place at the same time for very long since prom night, save for the few times he'd shown up at the studio after a shift at Teller Motors to help Gemma clean up and give her a ride home, just like he'd done when he was still in high school. Sometimes he brought his bike, sometimes he brought his truck…
Was he scared? Probably. Was she scared? Abso-fucking-loutely.
But they'd had a moment. And even after that, those few, precious nights were things seemed almost normal, when he sat in Gemma's studio with a book in his hands until she was done rehearsing for the night, and when they zipped around the dancefloor with their broom mops, and stopped at the gas station three blocks away before he dropped her off…
Those were moments too.
Those were moments where he couldn't hide from her. Couldn't deny that something had happened, something had changed, whether they liked it or not, and those moments were hope taking flight, chasing the wind with lingering glances and moments of almost touching, a brush of his fingertips here, the graze of his hand on her back there.
And those moments demanded validation. Demanded acknowledgement.
She just didn't know what to do about them. He'd had every opportunity on prom - and she'd flat-out asked him… but he'd never given her a straight answer.
That had been all the answer she'd needed anyway.
He felt it too - that thing that had always been there between them, whether they wanted to admit it or not. Jax Teller knew her in a way nobody else did, for better or worse. He knew her moods like the back of his hand, knew just what to say to get under her skin and to make her heart squeeze in her chest, and there was no other person in her life who just saw her.
Not Tommy. Not even Tessa. Not her parents.
Jax saw her, and not only that - he accepted her, just as she was, no questions asked.
And when she locked eyes with him in the audience, where he sat lodged between JT and Leo, wearing that Samcro prospect kutte and backwards Reaper Crew hat like a badge of honor, the answer was written all over his face.
His eyes softened. His mouth curved into a crooked grin. His head dipped down into a subtle nod, urging her on, prompting her to do what they both knew she could do as the music carried her away.
Never knew I could feel like this
Like I've never seen the sky before
Want to vanish inside your kiss
Every day I love you more and more
The movements were tattooed in her muscle memory - lifting her up and propelling her forward. Everything else faded away… the heat of the lights, that camera recording in the back of the auditorium, every single person inside… until there was just the music and the movement.
And Jax.
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste
It all revolves around you
It was as if she'd been swept off the ground in a breeze, balancing on the wind, leaning against the music pounding through her weightless muscles.
All the pieces came together that, up until now, she hadn't been so sure if they'd even been from the same puzzle. And she'd never known truth or beauty the way she did in this moment, like her eyes had lied to her all her life, and somehow, she struck a balance - for them both - by using every muscle in her body to climb over some barrier she'd always known had existed but hadn't known how to overcome until this very moment.
And there's no mountain too high, no river too wide
Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side
Something opened up inside her.
She wasn't sure what it was, but it felt like… an inevitable destiny that maybe had never really been a choice at all.
These two minutes on this stage had changed everything because now , she knew who she was. She knew where she was going. And she knew who she wanted to go there with.
Storm clouds may gather
And stars may collide
But I love you
Until the end of time
As the music faded and the auditorium roared back to life, Kat held her last position, left leg lifted behind her high over her head with her right arm extended out into the audience, reaching for just one thing and one thing only.
Her eyes dropped to the front of the crowd, where her family sat - and she was pretty sure that Tommy's whistling and hollering from the back of the room too - but all her focus was just on one thing and one thing only.
Jax rose to his feet, right along with everyone else, lifting his hands over the top of his head to clap, as if he wanted to make sure she could see him clapping for her from the stage. As if she'd ever seen anything but him.
That weightlessness she'd felt on stage didn't dissipate and it carried her through the next half hour or so, when her dad yanked her up into his arms and swung her around, and her mom and JT and Gemma and Tommy and Tessa and Opie and just about everybody else hugged her and congratulated her… and while Jax waited off to the side. Whether he was just waiting his turn or didn't know quite what to say or what to do, she was past the point of no return now.
"So whatdya say, patatina ," Leo murmured in her ear as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders to draw her in closer. "Ice cream on the way home?"
"Actually…" Kat's gaze landed on Jax, still hovering off to the side with his hands shoved deep in his pockets. His blonde eyebrows lifted once he realized he actually had her attention and he unearthed a hand from his pocket to adjust the backwards hat on his head. "Jax is gonna give me a ride home."
Jax frowned back at her in confusion at the exact same time Leo's head whipped around in surprise. But none of that was enough to deter her from this new path she was on to just once - just once - ask him for what she really wanted.
But Jax recovered smoothly, even as he tugged on the label of his leather kutte like he just didn't know what to do with his hands.
"Right," he smirked. "'Cuz we know whatever Kat the Brat wants, Kat the Brat gets."
In the past, something like that might've been coupled with an eye roll. Some exasperation, maybe. Impatience and agitation, for sure. But there was none of that now. Instead, his ocean blue eyes glittered and sparkled with something that looked a little bit like hope, mingled with just a touch of uncertainty.
Leo's suspicious gaze swung from Jax to Kat, and back to Jax again, but Vera pulled him away with a promise that they could stop for ice cream on their way home. Everyone else seemed to get the hint too, and by the time Kat hurried out of the locker room after changing and grabbing her gym bag, most of the auditorium had cleared out, leaving just a few stragglers behind, and Jax, who was leaning up against the wall across from the locker room.
His face lit up when he pushed off the wall, swinging his keys around his index finger.
"You ready?"
"Ready as I'll ever be," she shrugged as he fell into step next to her.
He bumped her with his shoulder, and maybe she was just imagining it, but his presence lingered, as if he didn't want to lean away just yet.
"So…"
Kat cocked an eyebrow at him. "So…"
"Any reason in particular you decided to hitch a ride home with me?"
A simple question with a complicated answer, if she wanted to go that far. And maybe she did. Yeah… she thought she did. But, first things first.
"Since when do I need a reason?" Kat paused there until some recognition flickered across his face. "You gave me a ride home from the studio last week. What's the difference?"
His head dipped down into a subtle nod, but he didn't respond - choosing instead to sweep open the door to let her pass through ahead of him into the parking lot.
"I really liked Great Expectations, by the way," she smiled. "I mean, it took me all summer to get through it, but if -"
She stopped short at the sight of Jax's truck, sitting about 20 feet away.
Jax threw her a smirk from over his shoulder as he jogged over to the passenger's side door and reached for the handle. "What, were you expecting my bike?"
Not expecting… hoping was probably more like it.
"Tommy and Tessa needed a ride, so we carpooled," he just shrugged, but then he glanced over at her a little hesitantly. "Would you rather I'd brought my bike?"
And suddenly… her bold streak stalled right in its tracks.
Any words she might've said, and might've mustered up the courage to say collapsed in her throat. Dead on arrival. All bluster and adrenaline, and no substance.
But if Jax noticed the upheaval, he didn't show it. Instead, he held up a finger and dropped the door handle, digging inside his prospect kutte until he came back with a bag of Sour Patch Kids and tossed it to her.
"I figured you wouldn't appreciate a bouquet or whatever, since you're not a fan of flowers, so I got you that instead," Jax tipped his chin the candy in her hands. "That was - I've never seen anything like it, Kat. All those schools… Jesus, they'd be fucking insane not to take you after that. It was just -" he shifted his height, ducking his head down and shoved his hands in his pockets as he searched for the words. "I think it might've been the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."
Her eyes dropped to the candy in her hands, and then they drifted back over to Jax, with his backwards Reaper Crew hat, leather kutte, surfer-boy blonde hair, shining bright blue eyes, hesitant and hopeful smile… this moment would haunt her for the rest of her life if she just stood here and did nothing.
The thought of not doing it and not feeling it was more agonizing than any other choice.
Her fingers reached up to graze his stubble-prickled jaw and then there was no stopping it. She tested the waters, leaning closer until she could ghost her lips across his mouth… Jax's entire body seemed to go rigid under her touch, but he wasn't pushing her away, and spurred on, Kat pressed her lips against his, flushing with heat the moment her body realized his lips were even sweeter than she remembered from all those years ago when they'd been in this same position.
But then his lips curled against her mouth, and like gravity, he moved toward her, reaching out to curve his rough fingertips around the side of her face. His lips brushed hers, slowly, cautiously at first, and then he moved closer, the hand on her face drawing her in deeper as his lips took more from her. There was a sweetness, an intensity , in his kiss that sent her flying. Little sparks rippled down her arms, curling around her neck, and threatened to lift her right off the cement at their feet.
His free hand snaked around her waist, and now he really was lifting her off the ground, tugging her around until he had her flush against the side of the truck and boxed her in. But they didn't stop kissing. His lips sealed over her mouth with a finesse that sent a moan of surprise from her throat, and he gently coaxed her lips apart so he could slip his tongue into her mouth. When she jumped in his arms at the contact, his light laugh hummed against her lips and he pulled his mouth away so he could press their foreheads together.
"Was that okay?"
Kat nodded immediately - she was on fire. Just on fire . Every inch, every part of her, was just completely aflame. Of course it was okay. It was better than okay.
"You have no idea how long I've been wanting to do that," he murmured.
"Why did you wait so long then?"
Another laugh burst from his chest as he leaned in to tuck some stray hair behind her ear. Had they even returned to earth yet? Were their feet even touching the ground?
"I have no idea," his lips curled, even as they hovered right over her mouth again, headed right for their target. "What was I thinking? Waiting so long to kiss you again… I guess I just didn't - y'know what? It doesn't matter today."
She had no idea what he was talking about, but he was right. It didn't matter. Especially not right now, when his thumb brushed her cheek and ran across her bottom lip. He leaned in one more time to kiss her there like he just couldn't get enough, didn't want to stop, didn't want to let her go. She didn't want him to either.
But then again, they were also standing right out in the open in the parking lot, pushed up against the side of his truck.
"Maybe we should -"
"Right, right."
But his hands still lingered on her hips when he swung the passenger door open and gave her a gentle boost inside the truck. He jogged around the side, hopping into the driver's seat, his hands closing around the steering wheel and his focus straight ahead. Electricity crackled through the air between them, thick and heavy with the anticipation of… what now?
There was too much distance between them now - just a couple of feet from one side of the truck's bench to the other, but now it was too much.
Their heads turned at the same time.
And a heartbeat later, they reached for each other at the same time too.