FIFTEEN

PRESSURE

RENESMEE

Jacob and I have sunk into a routine of sorts. I go to school, then to my part-time job at my favorite café, La Petite Lune, and then at seven I come home to a large wolf-man camped out on my couch. More than once I've offered to help Jake find a job – so that maybe he will stick around for a while and keep me company – but it's pointless. He's so depressed lately that he literally can't find the motivation to do anything but drown in self-pity.

Now that he's away from home, and his pack and Leah, reality's hit him in the butt pretty hard. I can see it in his sunken eyes how hollow he feels inside. He hasn't admitted it, but I know he's lonely without other wolves. He tries to hide it when I'm around by cracking jokes and volunteering to hang out or do whatever I want to do, but it's a struggle for him. I can see right through his cloudy smile, no longer so sunny that it brightens up the room.

It reminds me of how he was in Spain, but because he'd never confided in me back then, I didn't know what was really going on. I was so self-absorbed that I did not realize that he was homesick. I had been so accustomed to him being with us all the time that I had no concept of Jacob having another life outside of mine. It was the effect of the imprint, me being such an attention-hog, and I was clueless to see that we were both bound by its magic.

I guess there are things I haven't told him too, when we'd talked about our bond four nights ago. I remember being upset and angry when he left, and feeling this emptiness, but after a few days, and a heart-to-heart with my grandmother Esme, I realized that I just had to get used to him being gone. I brushed it off and started making plans for myself. His leaving inspired me to leave the coven too. He wanted to be with his family, and without him there as a buffer, I wanted to escape mine. I wanted to strike out on my own and experience life for myself. I'd always loved learning about Paris and it seemed the perfect place to start. I certainly didn't expect the Volturi to pop up, forcing my parents to follow me here, to smother me once again.

It's because of the Volturi that Jacob's back in my life now, and for that I'm glad, but their invasion of my privacy also caused me to lose my first boyfriend. Something else I wasn't really honest with Jacob about before.

Not long after I moved to Paris two months ago, I met a guy named Luc while visiting the Louvre Museum. He was so sweet and kind, with curly brown hair and the brightest green eyes. He was a tourist guide for the city. I started taking his tours and afterwards he'd take me out to dinner with his friends. We'd watch old French films and take walks together in the park. I was sure I was in love, and after only three weeks of a whirlwind romance, I lost my virginity to him. The sex was amazing, better than I could have imagined for my first time.

We were in our own little bubble of love, then the Volturi contacted Grandpa Carlisle and my world was shattered. I became too jittery to go out, worried that they were watching me at every turn. Luc didn't understand what was happening and of course I couldn't tell him. I had to distance myself from him a little in order to protect him, making up an excuse that I was very ill and he needed to stay away for a while. Then, when my parents came to patrol and be present for the video chats that Aro insisted on having, Mom found out about Luc. He came to visit me even though I'd asked him not to. He was so sweet, bringing me chicken soup and flowers, which he figured was the American custom for a sick loved one. We'd watched "You've Got Mail," and Tom Hanks had been his inspiration.

My mother scared the shit out of him, basically. She offered him money to leave me alone and he refused. He admitted to her and Dad that he loved me and that we'd been intimate and my mother completely flipped, allowing her vampire nature to show itself in his presence. If it weren't for Dad, I shudder to think what would have happened to Luc that day. But Dad himself wasn't any better. He lectured me about sleeping with a stranger so soon, deflowering and degrading myself, denying them the chance to vet anyone I like before I can be friends with them and yada yada.

Needless to say, Luc fled the city and I haven't heard from him since, but I hope he's okay. I miss him and I wish that things could have worked out for us. It's been a rough two weeks. Having Jacob around has been a big help to heal my broken heart, even though I haven't told him the truth about Luc. He's in his own funk and I don't want to burden him with something that he can't change. Knowing Jacob, he'd try to get involved and fix it and I'd rather just let it go. Luc would never look at me the same anyway.

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Jake is currently out patrolling with Emmett. Rose wanted to stay over and have Girl Time until he gets back, but I opted to have some Me Time instead. I've got one of my favorite movies on – Casablanca – a meat lover's pizza, some red wine and I'm busy painting my toenails with aqua polish. I've got about two more hours to pamper myself before Jacob gets back.

Suddenly, there's a brisk knock at the door, and before I can even answer it, my mother barges into my apartment. "Renesmee, how are you honey?"

"Hi Mom, please, show yourself in," I answer, not bothering to hide how annoyed I am by her intrusion.

"Rose said you didn't want her to come over, so I decided to check in and make sure you're doing okay."

"I'm fine Mother, I just wanted some time to myself."

"Why, is something bothering you?"

I roll my eyes and sigh in frustration at the fact that she can't take a hint. "Besides the fact that I miss Luc? No."

My perfectly put-together mother, in her black leather pants, boots and blue sweater, shakes her head and sits on the couch. "It's not my fault he couldn't handle meeting your parents."

"Seriously? Is that how you're going to spin this? You ran him off!"

"Renesmee, don't be upset, I said I was sorry multiple times, and I am! I really didn't mean to lose my temper like that. I was thirsty and so upset about the Volturi – I was worried that he was their spy, a pawn in their game!"

"I don't want to talk about it anymore. I just want to watch my movie in peace."

"Well, I understand honey. But, before I go, how are things going with Jacob?"

I look over at her and scoff, shaking my head. "So that's why you're here."

"I'm just checking in."

"Things are fine. He's miserable, I'm miserable. We're great, two peas in a pod."

"So you told him about Luc."

"No, not really. He knows I had someone but I didn't provide any details."

"That's good, he doesn't need to know about that."

"Seriously?" I snap. "I didn't tell Jacob because I don't want to add to his misery, not because I want him to think that I'm sitting here pining over him, Mom! He's really having a hard time back home. Things aren't good between him and his family, and his relationship with Leah ended abruptly. He's really depressed." My mother growls softly at the mention of Leah's name. "I know you don't like her, but it's really none of our business."

"Of course it is! He shouldn't be thinking about her while being here with you. You're his imprint, his place is here with you, not with that foul-mouthed she-wolf!"

I groan and flop back against the couch, abandoning the toes on my left foot. "Mom why must you persist with this?!" I cry in despair.

"Don't you understand the bond you share with him? He told you about the imprint didn't he?"

"Yes! Yes he did! He also made it clear that he doesn't love me, he doesn't want us to be together."

"Jacob Black doesn't know what's good for him! His place is here with you, with US. That bond has sealed your fate to be to-gether, for-ever."

I am so sick and tired of her acting like Jacob is still part of our family. He stopped being that the day he decided to leave Spain months ago. If I could get used to it and move on with my life, why can't she?

"Mom, you're just as bad as his family. You're trying to force us into something that just…can't happen. I'm tired of you telling me what I should and shouldn't do. Things between me and Jacob are not romantic okay? You've got to accept that – if I could, so can you!"

"What do you mean, 'if you could?' Do you want more than friendship with Jacob? Are you denying what you feel because he thinks that's not what he wants?"

"He's in love with Leah, not me."

"Ness, answer the question."

I shake my head with a sigh. This is hard for me because I do care about Jacob. I do love him, but I never thought about us being together before. It's only my mother and sometimes Rose who's been putting that idea into my head recently after joining me in Paris. After he explained the imprint, it was clear to me that while I could possibly see a future connection between us, it's not what Jacob's heart truly wants. It hurt at first, to hear him reject me as "nicely" as he could. But I'm a realist, and if his heart is with someone else, then I'm not going to pressure him to develop romantic feelings for me instead. Just the thought of using the bond against him makes me sick. It was hard to realize that underneath all his love, he's afraid of me, of my power over him - and I hate that! I never want to force him to do anything that he doesn't want for himself. I already did that all my life without even knowing. Ironically enough, it's because of the imprint, because I love and respect him for devoting his life to me, that I want to give him what he wants. For once, I want to be the one doing all the giving.

And I'm not ever going to let anyone influence me to go back on that promise. I probably will never tell him about Mom's interference because I don't want to cause any more problems between the two of them. The tension between him and my parents is hard to miss.

"Mom, I need you to believe me when I say, you've got to let it go. It's never going to happen, and I'm happy making my own life. You've got to trust me on this and stop meddling in my life and Jacob's life. You got what you wanted with Dad, so let us have what we want too." I say, my voice firm and cold, proving to her that she cannot bully me.

"Nessie, come on! Don't be like that, I only have your best interest at heart. Can't you see how good you two are together?"

"No you don't care about me! If you did you wouldn't have shunned Luc! You only care about yourself! And I'm not going to make Jacob stay with me because YOU'RE the one who can't let him go!"

I'm not stupid. I know that part of this whole scheme of hers is self-serving.

"Honey, I love Edward more than my own life, but Jake has always been special to me and to you too. He belongs with the coven, Renesmee. We're the ones that he loves."

"No he doesn't! If it weren't for me, you'd have lost him a long time ago. He belongs with Leah and his pack and I want him to go back to them and fix things. I support him."

My mother growls again and her fingers curl into tight fists. My father says she was a lot different as a human, gentler, soft spoken; but he prefers this "Bold Bella" as he affectionately calls her. He likes that she's no longer a fragile little girl, no longer a danger magnet. Danger instead, runs from her. Everyone and everything but him runs from her now though, including me.

Mom sees my aversion to her attitude and smiles, unfurling her hands. She sidles closer to me on the couch and snatches the bottle of aqua polish from the table. She opens it and proceeds to paint my toes with speed and precision. "The imprint doesn't lie, you were meant to be together Renesmee, I'm not lying about that."

"No we weren't. I could never be what Jacob wants or needs, and you know why – I am a vampire. No matter how human I try to be, I will always be a vampire too."

Mom reaches out and smooths back my hair, her familiar chilly-warmth washing over me along with her strawberry scent. "Don't be so hard on yourself, I told you, everything will be fine. When he cements the bond with you, everything will change. Your human side will flourish, and you'll have everything you ever wanted, and so will he, I promise. Don't lose hope honey. You can have the future life you want, but you've got to work for it. I love you so much."

It's pointless arguing with my mother. I DO want a human life. I DO dream of having a husband and children someday, but it's not going to be with Jacob. It's probably not going to be at all.

With a defeated sigh, I accept that she is just trying to support me. "I love you too Mom," I reply, accepting her offer for a hug.

"I'll check on you again soon. Keep taking your vitamins and the hormones, and make sure you eat healthy okay? No junk food or sweets." She shoots a disgusted look at the pizza and rises from the couch.

"Yes Mom," I answer mechanically, taking a breath of relief when she's finally gone. Thank God she didn't look in my fridge like she does sometimes. I'd hate to waste the carton of vanilla ice cream waiting for my "Netflix and Chill" with Jake later.

I think about the burly wolf-man who'll be back soon and I sigh again. I mean, I understand why Mom is pressuring me to like him as more than a friend. Jake's gorgeous and his body is like something from a Playgirl magazine. I am happier with him around and he treats me so well (except for when he calls me "Bug" like if I'm still a toddler obsessed with bugs. We used to spend our time hunting for them in the garden). But Jacob will always be my protector, my best friend slash brother, and nothing more. We're just not really compatible, he was right. We don't like the same type of stuff, even though we enjoy being around each other. I love reading, fine art and culture; he loves cars and sports and being outdoors. He's messy and loud, and I'm neat and quiet. I'm sure that Leah is his perfect match, and that she loves every little thing about him. She's lucky to have his heart in a way that I never could.

It worries me that my mother would interfere in their happiness. If she cares about Jacob so much, why won't she let him be happy in the way that he wants to be? Their past is so complicated. Sometimes I want to know all the details, but I quickly tell myself that it would do no good. This trip is the first time he's ever been openly honest with me about his life, but I've known for a while now that he was in love with Mom (even though he still didn't come right out and say it). Now that I understand the bond more, I'm pretty sure that she was the reason that the imprint happened, because she was the sole reason why he was even present at my birth. It was for her, because he couldn't let Mom go. And she couldn't let him go either. She still hasn't because he's all she ever wants to talk about.

Their complicated past is exactly why I've ignored her since Jacob left Spain. I don't want to be caught in the middle. And now that I know how miserable this bond has made Jacob's life, all I want is to help him, because I owe it to him. ME more than anyone else. I'm the reason he's still caught in the middle of my parents. Jake might not agree with me taking all the blame because the bond came from his wolf, but I know it's true. If he had never imprinted on me, his life would have been so different.

So would mine.

In fact, it's because of Jake that I've been able to grasp my human side at all. He made me feel as human as I could have, growing up. He has always provided the balance I needed, since my entire family consists of vampires.

So what else can I do, but give him what he needs and set him free?

Set us both free?