AN: Sorry for the delay. I had to retool parts of the story to make it flow better and not include some things from later in the series. I think it's mostly straight now, but is definitely AU. Thanks for reading! Anyone in Dorian's path, like me at least for now, stay safe!

Ch 14

Vic opened her eyes to unfamiliar surroundings. Gazing around the room, her eyes landed on a picture of Walt when Cady was an infant. He had the same good looks, but there was no indication of the burdens he would carry later in life. His smile was full, eyes bright and full of love for the infant in his arms. It was a beautiful picture of them together. She wondered if she would ever have that someday. A family with a man who loved them unconditionally. Deep down she'd always wanted that, but never spoken those words to anyone she'd been with. Maybe that would change one day, but not now.

Sitting up on the edge of the bed, she saw him coming from across the field on horseback. He looked damn good on that horse. He had the horse at a full run as he crested the hill. He slowed as he approached the house and made a turn that must've been toward the barn. He probably should have been born in a different era, but she was glad he was here in this one with her.

She was surprised that he talked to Sean before she was able to talk to him about it, not expecting Sean to seek out Walt. She wondered what else he said that Walt didn't mention, but she wouldn't ask. Sean didn't matter anymore. Walt would've said if it was important and wouldn't say if was insulting. That's just the way he was.

Making her way through the house, she grabbed the blanket from last night and waited for him on the porch. Her thoughts returned to yesterday and the bizarre afternoon they had. She was incredibly out of sorts after Sean's bombshell and her bender. She intended to leave but had the good luck to run into Walt, quite literally, on the way out the door. She tried to purge the misunderstanding and subsequent awkwardness from her mind. She was learning that he despite his outward appearance, he was a deeply emotional man.

From the night he called her into the station to talk, he had shown her a different side of himself. A man who allowed himself to be vulnerable in her presence. A man who trusted her to be the keeper of his secrets. A man who trusted her enough to cry in front of her. She'd always assumed such a man would be weak, with a limp handshake or easily intimidated by strong women. But Walt wasn't like that. He wasn't intimidated by her. He was a man's man. A sheriff. A cowboy. A gentleman. He was quite the opposite of weak, yet he could also be gentle and thoughtful. He was intelligent and well read. He could quote philosophers and poets as easily as he could overpower a suspect.

It was so easy to talk to him last night once they got past the awkward state her actions left them in earlier in the day. It felt right to be in his arms. Right in a way she'd never experienced before. She was comfortable around him. Comfortable to touch and be touched, to talk and to listen, to comfort and be comforted. Free to be herself, without having to worry if she was offending her partner in some way. She didn't know that a relationship could be like this or even that it should be. She had a lot to learn.

She saw Walt approaching the cabin, his long strides keeping a steady but unhurried pace. His eyes were shaded by the brim of his hat, but his smile was wide. She hadn't seen him smile very often given the nature of their work. She decided to stay put and wait for him, affording her more time to observe him.

"Mornin'."

He greeted her and hopped up on the porch. She slid over on the bench in a silent invitation that he took her up on. He put his arm up around the back of the bench and she slid into place beside him.

"Good morning."

"It is. Sleep well? I tried not to wake you getting ready to head out to the barn."

"I did and you didn't. Do you just have the one horse?"

"Yep. For now. When Cady was younger we had two, but one ended up getting bit by a snake and died. She didn't want another at the time. Hungry?"

"Yeah, I didn't eat lunch or dinner yesterday."

"Say no more. You can stay out here or come inside."

She went inside with him and watched him as he got everything ready. She never could picture him in a domestic setting, but he was adept at it. They ate breakfast and spoke little, just enjoying the food and one another's company. Walt went to get up and take care of the dishes, but she pulled him back to the couch. He pushed them aside and stretched his legs out to prop them on the end of the table.

"Come here."

She wasn't quite sure what he meant since she was already beside him. She looked at him then gasped when he pulled her up and onto his lap. Straddling his legs, she sat back and looked at him. His hands slid up her arms and pulled her to him. Content to be held, she would let him lead for now.

"I want you to know that just because I may mention Martha, I'm not comparing you to her. That said, she was part of my life for 20 years; more if you count the time we knew one another growing up. She's part of my history, a good part, and I won't pretend like it didn't happen."

Curious about how he felt when he mentioned Martha, she pulled back and studied him.

"I get it, Walt. You don't have to explain or apologize. I would like you to share memories of the past not ignore them. I don't want you to feel as if you have to censor your thoughts or feelings. Remember your past, but live in the present. If you can't. If you're not ready, that's ok too. As you said, we can go at our own pace."

His hands held hers and his eyes were trained on them, lost in thought. It seemed to be a talisman of sorts for him that allowed him to arrange his thoughts before he shared them. She waited, knowing that he would speak when he was ready.

"Up on the shelf in the kitchen is a tin. Martha used to keep her tea in that tin. She didn't like coffee, saying it tasted like dirt steeped in hot water. When she found out she had cancer, she told me she wanted to be cremated. Not left in a coffin for her body to continue to be eaten away. I followed her wishes, of course, but never mentally prepared for her death. I was in denial about the cancer, then when she was snatched away I was at a total loss. I received her ashes and decided to put them in the tin. They're still there. At first I thought it would help keep me going, seeing it every day, but it hasn't had the effect I thought it would. I still don't know what I'm going to do with them, but I wanted you to know they were there."

His breathing was a bit shallow and he seemed upset by the emotions the memories stirred in him. His two fingers landed on her lips before she could say anything, so she nodded her understanding that he had more to say.

"The night Lizzie stayed over…"

She tensed at his words and he felt it, sliding his hands to her upper arms to encourage her to stay put. When she made eye contact with him, he continued.

"The night she stayed over I didn't do anything with her. When I woke up she was moving around this place like she owned it. She reached for the tin and I panicked. I didn't want her to know about the tin. I didn't want her to touch it. I didn't trust her with my past. Instead, I made something up about it and it was awkward and uncomfortable, just like the rest of the morning when half of Durant ended up out front."

She felt him chuckle at the memory of Lizzie staking her claim publicly when he wanted no one to know she was there. She smiled at the memory and waited.

"I wasn't oblivious to what she was doing, but I didn't want to encourage her either. Apparently it doesn't take much because she has been pushing me ever since. When I asked you the other day if you would consider us as a possibility and you said yes, I went to see Lizzie later that day and ended it. Had you said no, I probably would've done the same. I knew when Cady left here so upset and my first and only thought was to call and talk to you that it wouldn't work with her. I probably knew from day one but a guy has to start somewhere. I wasn't comfortable with her. I didn't trust her. I didn't enjoy spending time with her."

He let out a sigh.

"What I'm trying to say to you is that I don't want you to stumble across things like the tin where I have Martha's ashes unaware. I want you to know about them, but more than that I trust you with them. I'm comfortable having you here. I don't mind that you were in my room or in my home without me here. I probably should've told you about the ashes last night, in case you had a mind to rummage around in the kitchen, but I didn't think of it. I'll need to have a talk with Cady, but I don't know that we can talk about anything right now. Even though we don't really know what we are at the moment, I don't want to hide it from her. I was embarrassed about Lizzie. I'm not embarrassed about you."

"I'm glad you told me about the ashes. I don't want you to feel compelled to move them or hide them because of me, ok?"

"Ok. Vic?"

He brought his forehead forward to touch hers. She closed her eyes at the increased intimacy, wanting nothing more than to kiss him, but she always hurled herself into these relationships. Pushed the guys into sex knowing that they would easily succumb to a willing partner. She didn't want that with Walt. For now she would see where he would lead them.

"I want to kiss you, Vic."

She cupped his stubbled cheek with her hand. Tension coiled in her body as his words brought images of them tangled together doing much more than kissing.

"Ok."

His hand covered hers and pulled it away from his cheek as he turned and kissed the center of her palm. The roughness of his beard in contrast to the softness of his lips caused her to sigh. His lips moved apart, allowing his tongue to brush her skin which sent a current straight to her core. Their eyes met as he dropped her hand in favor of brushing her hair away from her neck. Leaning forward, his lips barely touched her neck at first, his breath leaving a trail of goosebumps along her skin. She threaded her fingers in his hair and gently pulled him in closer. His mouth was on her now, depositing wet kisses along her neck to her ear.

"May I?"

She knew he was asking permission to kiss her on the mouth, but she couldn't figure why. This is the first time anyone had asked her, period, much less twice. It seemed there would be a lot of firsts for her with the man in her arms and she was looking forward to every one of them.

He pulled back and searched her eyes before claiming her lips with his own. Gradually, he deepened the kiss until they were making out like horny teenagers. Every fiber in her being was screaming for her to take control of the situation. It's what she's always done.

She pushed her hips forward into his, making her keenly aware that he was as aroused as she was. His voice stopped her.

"Easy Vic."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong, necessarily. Aren't you enjoying this?"

He continued kissing her in between his words.

"Yes."

"Then why the rush? I'm not opposed to fast and hot."

He gave her a searing kiss to make his point.

"I just wanted to explore a bit. Learn things like this."

He blew warm breath across her skin at the base of her neck that gave her goosebumps, just like he had done earlier.

"Look, I know you're a take charge kind of gal. I don't have an issue with that. Remember when you shared that you don't know how to handle when a man displays tenderness toward you? Did you like it when I kissed your hand or were you turned off by it?"

She thought she understood where he was coming from on this.

"I liked it, a lot. I'm just not used to it."

He nodded, then resumed dotting kisses down the other side of her neck.

"And this? Like or dislike?"

"Mmmmm. Like that too."

"I thought you might."

He captured her earlobe between his lips that caused her to shiver and him to grin as he gazed at her.

"Then back to my original question, why the rush?"

She sat back and really thought about the question. Why she was always ready to push forward? Harder. Faster. More.

"I'm not sure. I guess because In my experience that's how most guys wanted it."

"I'm not most guys."

Now that's an understatement if she ever heard one.

"Clearly not."

"I don't know if you're ready to hear it and I don't want to spook you, so just take what I say in but know that you don't have to do anything about it. You're not ready for it and I'm not either, yet."

She smiled and nodded at him to let him know she understood.

"I've basically been in one serious relationship in my life. Some would say I got lucky. Others that I squandered my youth. I don't regret it and never have. Now that I find myself single again, I don't want to use this time to try and recapture that so called "squandered youth". I didn't want causal sex back then and I don't want it now. If that's what you want out of this then we'll have to have a serious talk about it. I also didn't intend for us to go beyond kissing at this point. I don't think either one of us are emotionally ready to take that step and you are still married. But I wanted to make that connection with you. Another layer of intimacy while we figure things out. A way to show you my desire for you. Make sense?"

He was right. She really wasn't ready to hear the fact that he was already thinking long term. And if she were honest, she wasn't ready to have sex with him either. The ink wasn't even dry on her divorce papers.

"Yeah.

"Good."

She resettled herself on his lap in a less intimate position, then kissed him again. This time just enjoying the moment with him.

TBC