AN: Sorry for the slight delay. I've been trying to keep all the story references straight. Good news is that I'm starting chapter 24, so theres more to come. it's gotten a bit out of hand, but in a good way hopefully. At any rate, this chapter earns its rating for something other than Vic's language. Enjoy!

Ch. 15

Walt sat on the porch with Vic in his arms thinking over the last 6 months. They had a rocky start, but they have finally worked through most of the issues that they had. Worries about their age difference. Worries about working together. More personal hurdles like her insecurities and his tendency to shut everyone out. Patience and time were essential to their moving forward.

In that time, she had moved into her own place since she vacated the house Sean's company had put them up in. He had argued that she should move in with him, but she was concerned about Cady's feelings and reactions. When he told her he didn't need Cady's permission she said that was true enough, but she saw it differently. Then she told him the story about her time in Philly. Her career, turning in a fellow cop, her family's reaction, her partner's reaction, the retaliation from her precinct, her affair and the stalking. All of it poured out of her as if he was a priest and it was her final confession. When she was done, she pleaded with him to get things settled with Cady. She explained that her relationship with her family before her career altering decision was tenuous at best. After the decision, she was persona non grata. She begged him not to put her in a position of contention between him and Cady. He explained that she wouldn't answer his calls and she wasn't home. She told him to find Cady. Talk to her and tell her everything. Tell her about Denver, about her mom and about their burgeoning relationship. They decided they would postpone moving in together until Walt at least tried to mend his relationship with Cady.

What he couldn't figure was why they still had this barrier of physical intimacy between them. Since the night he held her back, she hadn't made a move in that direction. She would respond to him in equal measure, but he was worried that he had either made her self conscious or that maybe he wasn't the man she wanted after all. He had tried to subtly broach the issue with her, but she never responded to him. He felt it was time to talk about it, so he at least knew where he stood. If she needed more time, he'd wait. If she wanted to move on, he would reluctantly let her go. She was open and honest about everything else, so he couldn't understand why not this.

"Vic?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you happy being with me?"

She jerked out of his arms, turned her gaze on him with a shocked look on her face.

"Seriously, you have to ask?"

He held her gaze with his own and she seemed to accept that he was, in fact, being serious with her.

"Yeah. I think I do. I know that you're content with me. We've found a rhythm that works for us, splitting time between my place and yours. You've openly shared your past with me as I have with you. You know my secrets, my desires and my hope for the future. I know we agreed not to move in together until things are resolved with Cady, but there seems to be something else you're holding back from me and I'm afraid the longer it goes unaddressed, the harder it will be to get past it. Do you remember the morning I brought you to the gun range?"

Not breaking eye contact, he continued after she nodded.

"I told you I can wait. I will wait. I'll give you all the time and space you need. I wouldn't pressure you. Remember?"

Again she nodded.

"I also asked you to tell me what you needed. Tell me if you change your mind. I told you I'm not good at purgatory."

"I remember."

"I'm starting to feel like I'm in purgatory and I really would like you to talk to me about whatever it is your hiding or holding back."

Realization finally dawned in her eyes, followed quickly by shame. He had been right and now he was genuinely afraid of what she was going to say. He'd always tried to put it in the back of his mind that this relationship with Vic was too good to be true. That she couldn't be happy with him once she got a good look at the man rather than the sheriff.

"Walt…"

"Just tell me, Vic. Why drag it out any longer?

"Walt, look at me."

He dragged his eyes back up to hers, not really wanting to deal with this now that he brought it up.

"I am happy with you. I look forward to seeing you on the clock and off. I enjoy spending time here with you at the cabin. I thought you knew that since we spend most of our time together here now."

He simply nodded and hoped that she would clue him into whatever was bothering her.

"You're right, though, I have been holding back and it's not fair to you. I told you once that I didn't feel like you deserved a woman like me. These past 6 months have been wonderful. Even though we had some bumps in the road, and we're technically not lovers yet, I've seen a glimpse of what our lives could be like."

He tried to process what she was saying because it definitely wasn't what he thought she would say.

"And what do you think?"

"I still think that you deserve someone better than me."

Her voice had dropped to a whisper and her eyes dropped to the floor. This couldn't be the only thing holding them back. He let out a deep sigh and hooked her chin to bring her eyes back to his.

"What would you tell me if I told you that I thought you deserved a better man than me? I've certainly considered it. I've thought that you should be with someone closer to your own age. Someone who has less baggage. Someone who could keep up with you."

He had confessed these thoughts to her before and she dismissed them easily every time. Why couldn't she do the same for her own doubts?

"I'd tell you what I've told you before. I don't want someone else. I want you."

"And I want you, Vic. Just the way you are."

"I know."

"Then help me out here, Vic. Everything you say indicates there's not a problem but there is. I can feel it. Talk to me."

"I can't.

"Can't or won't?"

"Walt."

She just sat there looking anywhere but at him. They had made so much progress and yet it felt just like the day he went to her house and she literally ran into him. If he let her go she may never come back, even if she realized later it was a mistake.

"Ok. I uh, I'd like to clear my head for a few minutes, but I'd like to ask you not to leave. You told me once you were going to runaway and I don't want that. I want you to stay, Vic. I'm going to go down to the barn and feed up early. We can talk, if you want, when I get back."

He walked over to her and pulled her to her feet. He slid his arms around her back and drew her body to his.

"I'm not mad. Just scared and a little frustrated. I wish you would trust me."

He kissed her on the cheek, grabbed his hat off the rail and walked toward the barn. He thought about taking her keys, but he wouldn't keep her here against her will, no matter how much it would hurt if she left. He tried to get his mind off of their problems for a few minutes, but there wasn't enough work to distract him. Leaning against the gate, he watched the shadows from the clouds overhead slide along the contours of the hills, silently moving across the land.

His thoughts wandered back to Vic. He loved her, but was convinced she wasn't ready to hear it. Maybe that was the issue between them all along. He was waiting for her to tell him she's ready to move forward. What if she's waiting for the same and that's why they're in this state of limbo? He didn't want her to feel pressured to get in another relationship so soon after her divorce. He tried to talk to her about it indirectly. Maybe it's time for a new tack. Two warm hands slid up the plane of his back and he let out a sigh of relief. He breathed her name.

"Vic."

Her hands slid from his shoulders to the small of his back, then forward to encircle his torso. Her cheek rested between his shoulders as she held tightly to him. He put his hands over hers for a minute before turning in her embrace. He pushed an errant lock behind her ear and smiled down at her.

"Hi."

Afraid to say too much, he stuck to his single word pattern for now. She smiled back, which should be a good sign.

"I'm sorry, Walt. I've been so wrapped up in me I've lost sight of us. Preoccupied with different notions about how long is it appropriate to wait after a divorce before entering another relationship. Should I be in one at all since all of mine seem to be toxic?

On top of all that, it seems like you aren't attracted to me anymore."

Walt was surprised by her words. He thought the desire he had for her was clear. It must be the impasse that they are stuck at making this an issue.

"My desire hasn't lessened for you over the past months. In fact, it's only grown stronger for me and has become more difficult for me to keep in check."

She was listening to him, but she wasn't looking at him. He directed her gaze toward his before he spoke again.

"I told you that day I would wait. I told you I wouldn't pressure you. I asked you to tell me what was going on with you. I haven't made a move in that direction because I was waiting for you to tell me when you are ready to explore taking that step. I thought we understood one another on that."

She shifted her weight and paused for a moment.

"We did. But I thought I made it clear already that I'd be willing."

Walt's mind searched for something that could've been overlooked by him, but came up with nothing.

"When? I don't remember having that conversation."

He was genuinely confused. Her silence continued.

"Vic? When?"

"Well, we didn't exactly have a conversation, but you should've known. Most guys would've gotten a clue when I invited them to share a bed."

Looking down, he purposely shielded his face from her. He was angry and disappointed. He didn't want to fight with her. He didn't want to yell at her, but he was pretty damn close to doing both. This 'most guys' thing has cropped up several times and he was starting to think that maybe it wouldn't work with her if she can't stop comparing him to 'most guys'. He has to remember that her experiences were different and not good.

"Walk back to the cabin with me?"

She took his hand that he extended to her and laced her fingers with his. A good start, for now. He tried to compose his thoughts as they made the short walk to the cabin. He had to handle this carefully, because he had a feeling if he just blew up at her she would run. He stopped in his tracks as a realization hit him. He felt her tug his arm as she tried to move forward without him, not realizing that he stopped. He started to walk again, so they could deal with this in the comfort of his home.

"Drink?"

He offered her one as he got a bottle of water out of the fridge, but she declined. Downing half of it, he put the cap back on and placed it back in the fridge. He set his hat on the table by the door and rubbed his hand over his hair, as he often did when he was nervous.

He sat on the coffee table facing her on the couch, which caused her to sit up. They both knew he did this when dealing with a difficult subject and this was no different.

"Before we finish dealing with this latest hurdle, I realized something on the walk back here and I think it's something you need to be aware of. I realized that I'm constantly worried that you'll just take off. Leave and not come back. I've tried to change what I say and how I react to avoid triggering that response in you and I don't want to live like that. Twice today, once when I asked you not to leave earlier and once on the way back here in my own mind. Two times I was genuinely worried that you would run away from me today."

He took her hands in his.

"I told you I don't want to change you and I don't. I do need something from you, though. Before I ask, I'm going to put all my cards on the table, so to speak. Victoria Moretti I'm in love with you and have been for some time. I want nothing more than to spend the rest of the time I have on this earth with you. I want you in every way, Vic. As my lover. As my best friend. As my wife. As my companion. As my comfort. And as much as I want to make this work, I can't make you love me. I can't make you stay. What I need from you right now is just a simple promise from you. I need you to promise not to run away. Not when we fight. Not when you get scared. Not if you or I get hurt or sick. It's a simple promise but not an easy one to make. So you take what time you need to decide if you are willing or even able to make that promise. Call me when you're ready to talk about it. No matter what you decide, I still want to be with you. I still want to try."

"Are you leaving? I should be the one to go. It's your home."

"Not anymore. It's our home. I've thought of it that way since I asked you to move in. Even though you haven't yet, it's how I think of this place. As our home."

"I don't want you to leave, Walt."

"Okay."

"I don't want to leave either."

"Okay."

He let go of her hands and sat back. None of this had gone to plan. It felt like he was in the same purgatory he tried to get out of. He was at a complete loss. He was frustrated. And angry. And desperate. And sad. He didn't remember relationships being this difficult, but he knew time and selective memory were deceiving. Not knowing what to do, he defaulted back to their routine. He pulled off his boots and put them by the end of the couch.

"I'm gonna go wash up."

Standing, he picked up the boots and put them by the door, then reached out his hand to her as he passed. Normally, she would take it and let it slide through her hand, an acknowledgment before he left the room. This time she held on and stopped him.

He helped her up and she looked in his eyes.

"I promise you I'm not going run away. I, like you, was waiting for some indication of what you wanted or were ready for. I took for granted that you would take a hint when I should know you better than that. But what I haven't told you is that I love you. I'm in love with you and it scares the hell out of me. I've never felt like this before, not with anyone and the intensity is kind of freaking me out. When I thought you didn't want me anymore I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to lose you."

Her words set him free. She loved him and she wasn't going anywhere. That was enough for him. He pulled her body into his and kissed her. Kissed her with the intent to make love to her. Kissed her with every ounce of passion he had suppressed since he met her. He felt her legs give way and pulled her up so she could wrap her legs around him, which she did. He settled his hands on her ass and pulled her into his rapidly growing erection. The moan she let loose vibrated down his spine.

"I want to make love to you, Vic."

She kissed her way to his ear and bit his lobe.

"What are you waiting for? Fuck me, Walt."

"I love that filthy mouth of yours."

He'd intended to take things slow with her the first time, but he was too far gone and that mouth on her. He put open mouthed kisses along her neck making his way back to her lips. Distracted by her tongue tangling with his they stumbled onto the bed, barely noticing the fall. Consumed by the passion they finally surrendered to, clothes were being strewn around the room. He backed off, trying to catch his breath and explain.

"Vic, I didn't want…"

His breathing labored, he felt her rip open his shirt and take his nipple between her teeth. He rolled back and put his fingers in her hair. All he could do was curse.

"Fuck me."

He looked at her and found her inquisitive eyes on him.

"I think that's the first time I've heard you say 'fuck' Walt. I didn't think it was in your vocabulary."

She cocked her head, as she is often wont to do, and started fitting this new information into what she knew.

"Keep that up Vic and it won't be the last."

"I'm going to have to spend some time just figuring out what other words you know."

Her smile spread across her face and he was sure his matched. Her assault on his chest continued while he tried divest her of her top and bra. Finally managing to get them over her head, he let his hands roam over her breasts.

"Pants, Vic."

He felt her fumbling with his belt and chuckled.

"Having a hard time?"

The belt whipped off his waist and ended up across the room.

"Button fly?"

Her fingers struggled to undo the buttons while his erection was straining against them. He continued to watch her above him, skimming his hands along the curves of her body. Mapping the contours and committing every one to memory.

"Zippers are dangerous."

They both laughed at his remark, until she finally got to what she wanted.

"Up."

He raised his hips as she slid off his pants and underwear together. Her efficiency had him feeling exposed, as she was still dressed from the waist down, but that ceased to matter when she had taken his cock in her mouth. He could feel the back of her throat.

"Fuck, Vic. Too much."

He felt her pull off, but couldn't move or speak. The mattress flexed as she moved up on the bed and turned his head. He opened his eyes to see a self satisfied smirk on her face. His breath rushed out between his lips.

"You can put those talents to use later. For now, you're over dressed."

She let out a squeal as he quickly rolled her over and started working on her pants, kissing anywhere he could reach while doing so. She flopped back on the bed and let out a deep moan when he flicked his tongue along the waistband of her panties. He caught it between his teeth and glanced up at her now propped up on her elbows.

"Problem?"

He spoke with the waistband still in his teeth, a grin sliding into place at her look of shock.

"I'm not missing this. Walt Longmire pulling my underwear off with his teeth."

He worked on both sides, alternating until he had them off. Satisfied they were on an even playing field again, he kissed his way up her legs, moving them apart so he could see her open before him. He slid one hand upwards to her breast as he dipped in to taste her warm, wet center. Breathing in deeply, he felt her squirm beneath him and moved his arm down to hold her hips in place.

"God, Walt!"

She flopped back again, too aroused to hold herself up. He licked and probed with his tongue, then brought a finger into the mix. She was chanting his name intermixed with some colorful language.

"I'm so close."

Wanting the first orgasm he gave her to be memorable, he left her wanting for a few moments.

"I've imagined doing this for some time now."

He waited until she looked down at him, then sucked her clit into his mouth and flicked it until her legs quivered around him. She cried out and shuddered as it rolled through her body.

"Fucking hell, Walt."

He lapped at her cum and teased her overly sensitive clit, which caused her to twitch involuntarily. When the twitching lowered to a slight movement, he flattened his tongue and rubbed her clit firmly until she came again, less intensely this time. She moaned as he started running his tongue up her body, until he got to her mouth and kissed her. He propped his head on his arm and trailed his fingers through her hair while she recovered.

"You know we're done yet."

He laughed, at her admonition.

"Of course not. Condoms are in that drawer. You should be able to reach."

Stretching out, she managed to pull open the drawer and grab the strip. She pulled one off and flung the others in the general direction of the drawer. She pulled him down to her and kissed him, while he put it on. He moved on top of her between her legs and felt her hand take his cock and guide it into her. Gently he thrust into her until he was fully seated. Pausing for a moment, he met her eyes.

"Ready?"

"Yeah."

He smiled down at her.

"I love you, Vic."

"And I love you."

Walt lost himself in her. Hot breath in his ear. Taught muscles around his cock. Fingernails sliding down his back. Heels pushing him forward into her depths. The taste of her skin on his tongue. He managed to wring a third orgasm from her while barely stopping his. Once she kicked him in the butt to get moving again, all restraint was gone. He thrust into her with abandon until she told him to cum with her, which he did and damn near passed out in the process. He shifted a bit to the side so he wouldn't crush her, but didn't have to break contact either.

"Walt Longmire. Who knew?"

"Huh? Who knew what?"

"Who knew you'd be so good in bed?"

He smiled, slightly embarrassed. She kissed him again.

"And that thing you did with your tongue!"

He felt the blush rise to his face and cringed. He definitely wasn't used to being this open about sex. He'd have to try and get used to it.

"Walt, why are you embarrassed?

"I uh. Well, it's just…you see…"

Well and truly flustered, he was being incredibly awkward about it but he couldn't help it.

"You don't need to be embarrassed. It was great."

"I uh…I've never done that before. Martha didn't think it was proper and I never wanted to do it with anyone else…until you."

"It'll be our secret, Cowboy."

He smiled, happy with her by his side. Glad to finally share everything with her. He looked forward to the future as long as she was right there with him.

TBC...