Often, when Jyn was cuddling against Cassian's back, she wanted nothing more than to lower her hand, find him hard -or make him hard-, and stroke him. But once or twice when she had gone for it, Cassian had taken her hand and placed it back on his chest, and curled up into a tighter ball. She hadn't thought much about it, not until her conversation with Bodhi. Coming to think of it, he had also been closed off to her kisses, which he used to respond to ravenously. She realized she had been ignoring the fact that she felt neglected and frustrated. Why didn't Cassian want to be with her? She tried to stop this train of thought, though - she couldn't make this about herself, right? Cassian could be in real trouble, if Bodhi was onto something. But she also thought Bodhi was overreacting. It's not like Cassian was being overly self-destructive or worrisome - he was right there, eating with them, sleeping with them, working with them. He'd be alright… right?
They'd just have to talk to Cassian. But talking to him these days had become hard as well, which is probably why Bodhi had eventually stopped trying and turned to her instead.
"Cass", she reached across the table over their now empty plates and touched his arm. "Bodhi and I- we wanted to talk to you."
Cassian raised an eyebrow. "Ok?"
"You- you sort of seem upset most of the time lately, and we're-" Now both of Cassian's eyebrows were up.
"Jyn"- Bodhi gave her a desperate glance, and she got the message that she should let him do the talking, but Cassian cut them off.
"Ok, you two are freaking me out." He licked his lips before going on, "Yes, I'm upset. What do you want me to do about it? I'm doing the best I can. Trying to identify all of the counter-Alliance networks in the system before they can infiltrate ours. Trying to sabotage their supply chains. And trying to make sure we're not compromised again next time Jyn and I have to go out into the field. I'm just doing my job. I'm sorry if that interferes with your honeymoon. You knew what it was gonna be like when you married me, didn't you?"
Bodhi's chest started heaving. He hadn't anticipated this kind of reaction, or how much it would hurt. He was at a loss for words, but Jyn wasn't having it:
"Ok, asshole." -Cassian snorted and raised his eyebrows again-. "You listen now. Bodhi and I have been racking our brains, trying to figure out how to talk to you. We're worried about you." She paused and snorted herself. "We don't want a kriffing honeymoon. We're in this mission together. And you're not the only one doing your part for the cause - we all are."
Cassian shook his head. "Yeah, but you're not in charge of security, are you? You're not the one who's gonna get us killed if you allow yourself to be distracted or fuck up."
"What are you talking about? If Bodhi's not careful with the comms or the finances he can give away our whole operation in a second, and we could be blasted away with no warning. Yet you don't see him treating other people like shit or neglecting his partners."
Cassian was taken aback at that. "What do you mean?"
"Why don't you wanna be with us Cassian? Bo says you haven't had sex with him in weeks, and you've been pushing me away, closing off whenever I try to start something."
"I-" he shook his head, something seemingly stuck in his throat, his eyes welling up. "It's just too much. There's things I haven't told you. Sometimes I can't-"
Jyn's heart sank. She exchanged a panicked glance with Bodhi, and he took over, gently touching Cassian and talking to him in the softest voice,
"Cass. It's ok. You don't have to tell us anything you don't want to. And you don't have to do anything you don't want to. We love you no matter what, ok?"
Cassian nodded as he hurriedly brushed treacherous tears from his face. He looked alternatively at his two partners. "I want you both. I hope you know that. I'm sorry I'm so - broken."
Jyn merely reached out to hold Cassian's wrist while Bodhi remained by his side. There was so much left unspoken and unresolved, but it seemed like more than enough for tonight.
–
The next morning, as Jyn poured caf for the three of them after the boys' came back from their workout, Cassian cleared his throat as if he was about to make an announcement. Bodhi and Jyn looked at him curiously. "How about you two meet me in bed tomorrow at noon? No clothes on."
Jyn chuckled at the strange request, but Bodhi smiled and said, "Ok. We'll meet you there. No clothes on."
Cassian smiled back, gulped down his coffee and headed to their room to get ready for the day.
Jyn made sure she would be out of his earshot before she asked Bodhi, "What was that about?"
"He's trying to open back up, but he needs control. It needs to be on his terms."
"But when have we ever planned sex like this? How does that even work? How can we know if we'll even be in the mood?"
Bodhi had to laugh at this. "Baby, when are you ever not in the mood?" Jyn opened her mouth in indignation, but she couldn't really rebut that. "Besides," Bodhi continued, "Cass will be there, naked. I will be there, naked. Are you really telling me you might not want us?," he whispered near her ear, making her shiver.
"No," she whispered back, defeated.
"Good. Just promise me you'll let him take the lead, and ask before you make a move. It's important. Promise?"
"Promise."