Alex looked up from writing test instructions on the board when she heard the door open and close to admit a rather green looking Emily. "I wasn't sure you were going to make it," she said, but she said it with a gentle, almost teasing smile.
Emily glanced at her watch. "Five minutes to spare," she said in defense. "And I didn't even puke on the bus ride over."
"Congratulations," Alex said with a laugh that was, perhaps, a little grossed out. "You do look rather sickly," she added. "Are you sure you'll be alright for the next two hours?"
She'd showed up to help moderate the 100 level midterm exam looking like shit. And she knew she looked like shit. But she needed the TA job, so she wasn't about to flake, even if she had to puke in the trash can while the students took the test...
She dropped her backpack on the front desk with a thud, proceeding to produce a bottle of ginger ale and take a generous swig. "I came prepared..." she announced. As if to punctuate the statement, she pulled out a sleeve of saltines and stuffed a whole cracker into her mouth as she dropped an exam onto every desk.
"If you aren't feeling well, you don't have to stay," Alex insisted. "I can handle one midterm on my own."
"I've got every anti-nausea remedy I could find," she replied, "I'm good for the long-haul. Besides, the students aren't scared of you the way they are me..."
Alex raised a brow. "They're afraid of you?" That would explain a lot, but she couldn't fathom why anyone would be frightened of the girl.
"Mostly because they think I'm a witch," she said with a shrug and a smirk.
"A witch?" she repeated skeptically. "Well, the green skin isn't going to help that." She thought for a moment, then added, "Though, to be fair, I'd have pegged you for a vampire."
Emily laughed. "Touche," she said around another mouthful of crackers, spewing crumbs.
Alex's smile was soft, fond. "All jokes aside, how do you feel?"
She shrugged. "Ready for morning sickness to go the fuck away... Everyone says pregnancy is supposed to be beautiful and magical, but right now it just sucks." She sighed and sank down into one of the seats. "Maybe if I wanted this baby, it would feel different, but... I know I'm not ready for this. Does that make me a bad person?"
"Absolutely not," Alex insisted. Emily raised a brow in question and, perhaps, disbelief. "You're allowed to not want something if you aren't ready for it, aren't prepared. Being a mother is a choice and you don't have to choose it. No matter what anyone says. You're a good person to want better for your child."
"Yeah?"
Alex nodded, smiled. "Have you spoken to the guidance counsellor?" she asked, changing the subject.
"She gave me the name of an adoption counsellor," she said. "Too bad there's no counsellor for convincing your baby's father that you shouldn't keep the baby because he wants to raise a 'warrior'..." She rolled her eyes. She hadn't spoken to Ian since he'd dictated the rest of her life for her that day in the bathroom. She knew that sooner or later, she'd have to face him and tell him she had no plans to raise a child to take over the helm of his arms dealing empire...but right now, she just couldn't face that conversation.
Alex choked on a sip of her coffee at the quasi-confession.
Emily's eyes went wide upon realizing she may have over-shared. "Anyway..." she said, in an attempt to reroute the conversation away from dangerous territory. She shook her head. She opened her mouth to say something, but the first student came in the door at that moment and the conversation was effectively cut short, leaving Alex confused and worried about Emily.
Alex stood in the doorway to the spare bedroom, lost in thought. She hummed softly to herself unconsciously – a lullaby her mother used to sing her when she was little and couldn't sleep.
James came up behind her, putting his hands on her shoulders, startling her back into awareness. "Penny for your thoughts?" he murmured beside her ear. He dropped his arms to wrap them around her waist.
Alex turned in his arms to return the embrace, kissing him quickly. "Just thinking about nursery decor..." she said sweetly, pasting on a hopeful, almost pleading, smile.
James raised a brow, curious but without judgement. "Ah... Is this theoretical nursery for a certain TA's unborn child?"
"Perhaps..." If there was a slight pleading note to her voice, she couldn't help but play into it, with puppy dog eyes and a soft smile. "Have you given any more thought to the matter?"
He was silent for several moments, studying her thoughtfully. "Is this really what you want?" he asked, "This isn't just because you're fond of this girl and want to help her? You really want this baby?"
Alex nodded, trying not to look too hopeful but fearing that was a battle she'd already lost. "The universe is giving us this opportunity to be parents – who knows if the chance will come again... We should at least talk to the adoption counsellor, see what's involved. I don't even know for sure that she'll want us to have the baby. I just want to try."
James was silent for several more moments, then tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear and dropped a kiss to her forehead. "I think a soft green for the walls. Maybe a Beatrix Potter theme? I know how you enjoy her work."
A brilliant smile blossomed across her face and she threw her arms around his neck. "Thank you," she murmured into his skin. She gasped, choked on a lump of happy tears that welled in her throat. She'd waited so long for this – for the right moment, the right baby, the right feeling – and she was finally finally getting it...