The Zwei
"You know," Weiss said. "I've been meaning to ask you this for a while now, but what does Zwei do when he's not hanging around here or watching over the Abyss?"
Death smiled. "I can show you if you want."
The queen eyed Death warily. "This isn't going to be one of those things that you have to erase from my memory because it would permanently scar my mind and upend my view of Creation, would it?"
Death was silent.
"What?" Weiss yelped. "Really?"
Death's grim expression vanished, and she laughed. "I'm just kidding. It's fine." She reached out and took Weiss's hand. "Come on. It'll be fun."
They vanished and then reappeared near a massive ziggurat made out of colossal blocks of black stone. A huge statue of Zwei stood at the top of the ziggurat, and the dog himself was seated atop a velvet cushion whilst being fanned by a dozen lemurs.
"Why are lemurs fanning Zwei?" Weiss asked.
"It's part of how they worship him."
"..." Weiss tilted her head to one side. "Zwei is being worshipped by lemurs?"
"These aren't regular lemurs. Your world is ruled by humans and Faunus, but this world is ruled by lemurs."
"..." Weiss's eye twitched. "Are you serious?"
"Completely. The gods have created many worlds. It would be boring if they were all the same, so they like to make each of them a bit different from the others. Sometimes that means giving people magical powers. Other times, it means throwing dragons at everyone. And sometimes, it means putting lemurs in charge."
"And you're not worried about that going horribly wrong?" Weiss asked. She was still trying to wrap her mind around the idea of lemurs ruling the world. Yet the more she looked around, the more obvious it was that Death was telling the truth. Multitudes of lemurs flocked around the ziggurat, their heads bowed in obeisance. More lemurs lurked further back, moving through what appeared to be an entire city peopled by lemurs. Sounds filled the air, but Weiss had no idea what they were saying since she didn't speak a word of lemur.
"Not really." Death shrugged. "I mean, yeah, it could go wrong, but if worse comes to worst, we can always just smite the entire world and start over. It's not what I would do, but some of the other gods can be pretty trigger happy, and deciding whether or not to start over is a mostly democratic process. And it's not like anyone else will know what we did since, you know, the smiting will get rid of everybody."
"Wait..." Weiss's eyes narrowed. "Have the gods ever had to start over with my world."
"Not yet."
"..."
Death put one arm around Weiss. "Weiss, I can honestly say that as long as you are alive, you never, ever have to worry about the gods doing something like that." She smiled sunnily. "Because I'll kill anyone who's dumb enough to try. As long as you're in the world, it's perfect the way it is."
"That is the most terrifying yet romantic thing you've ever said to me."
"Thank you." Death paused. "Wait... you don't speak lemur, do you?"
"No, I don't."
"Ah." Death patted Weiss's head. "Now, you do."
"What?" Weiss blinked before realising that she could, all of a sudden, understand what the lemurs were saying.
"All hail the Zwei!" the lemurs chanted. "All hail the Zwei!"
At the top of the pyramid, a lemur in elaborate robes raised his hands high into the air.
"Today," the lemur cried. "We celebrate Zwei Day! The greatest of all days!"
"All hail the Zwei! All hail the Zwei!"
"Zwei Day?" Weiss asked.
"Shh." Death smiled. "He's going to explain."
"Long ago, in an age barely remembered, a fell beast descended from the sky. It brought fire and ruin to our lands. Our people were slaughtered. Our cities were burned. And misery filled the world." The lemur high priest shook his fists at the sky. "We gathered our mightiest heroes, but they were no match for the beast. When all hope seemed lost... that was the hour of the Zwei's arrival!"
"All hail the Zwei! All the Zwei!"
"Terrible was that beast. It had wings as vast as the sky, and its mouth spewed flame that could melt mountains. Its claws could rend oceans, and its teeth could pierce the very heart of the world. But the Zwei was not afraid. The Zwei went forth, and he slew the foul beast with but a single bark and cast its broken body down from the sky. With another bark, the Zwei put out the flames of the beast's wrath and saved our people from destruction."
"All hail the Zwei! All hail the Zwei!"
"But the Zwei did not leave us. Instead, he remained alongside our ancestors, teaching them and guiding them and helping them to rebuild our shattered world. It is why we venerate the Zwei! For did we not call out for aid? And did not all our prayers go unanswered until the Zwei arrived? Who then should we worship if not the one who saved our people?"
"All hail the Zwei! All hail the Zwei!"
"And the Zwei has never forgotten us. Once each century, on this day, the Zwei returns and bestows his divine blessings upon our people! That is why this day is Zwei Day!" The high priest gestured extravagantly. "Bring forth the offerings! Let the Zwei eat his fill! And let him once more bless our people!"
Lemurs began to climb the steps of the ziggurat with plates laden with all sorts of food. Chief amongst them was a meat that Weiss did not recognise.
"That's meat from a certain species of giant lizard." Death grinned. "You wouldn't think it since the lizard is absolutely hideous, but the meat is incredibly delicious. And when you make a steak out of it... well, that's the main reason Zwei comes here once a century."
"Are you telling me that he slaughtered some kind of evil beast and saved an entire world, just so he could get lizard steak?"
"He was going to save them anyway. The lizard steak is just a nice bonus." Death grinned. "Anyway, let's go up there. At the moment, we're hidden from their eyes, but it's been a whole two weeks since Zwei got a cuddle from you. He's running low on Weiss energy."
"Weiss energy?"
"Yeah. It's energy he gets from your cuddles." Death nodded sagely. "It's almost as good as the cosmic energy that helps power all of Creation. However, Zwei can get that almost anywhere. There's really only one good source of Weiss energy in Creation."
"..."
They made their way up the ziggurat. Once they were next to Zwei, Death allowed them to become visible. The lemurs immediately fell to their knees in obeisance.
"Great Death! Master of the Zwei! Welcome!" The high priest peeked up at Weiss. "And... Death's concubine?" he guessed.
Weiss's eyes widened. "I beg your pardon! What did you just call me?"
"I assumed you were Death's concubine," the high priest retorted. "Am I wrong?"
"I am not her concubine. I am her... her..." Weiss stammered trying to find the right words.
"She is my Chosen," Death said, smiling. "Not my concubine."
"I see. My apologies." The high priest got back to his feet, as did the others. "Are you here to celebrate Zwei Day with us?"
Death nodded. "We are."
"Then, please, be seated." The high priest gestured and two more velvet cushions were brought forth. "And enjoy Zwei Day!"
Weiss settled down on one cushion, and the lemurs gasped as Zwei hopped off his cushion and leapt into her lap. The dog immediately demanded a cuddle, and Weiss gave him a mock scowl before giving him a scratch on the belly and settling him into her lap.
"I see!" The high priest stared at Weiss in awe. "I understand why Death has named you her Chosen! It is because you are the ideal pillow for the Zwei!" He turned to the multitudes of other lemurs. "All hail the Pillow of the Zwei!"
"All hail the Zwei! All hail the Zwei!"
Weiss's eye twitched, and Death laughed.
"Just go with it," Death said.
X X X
Later, after they had returned to Weiss's world, the queen took a sip of tea and helped herself to a slice of cake. She wasn't normally one for cake, but after spending most of the day around a bunch of Zwei-worshipping lemurs, she thought she deserved it.
"That was fun," Death said.
"For you two, maybe." Weiss sighed. "I'm of the opinion it was crazy."
"Well, you did want to know what Zwei got up to when he's not around here or the Abyss."
"I didn't think he'd go around starting cults."
"Weiss, I don't think the term cult is fair. It's a well-organised state religion, and it's actually quite benevolent. It urges lemurs to love each other and treat each other fairly, and there's no lemur sacrifice or anything." Death sighed. "You'd be amazed by how many people seem to think that all gods want blood sacrifice. It's like... do they even understand how pointless that usually is? We're gods. If we wanted to killed someone, we could do it ourselves. Besides, I'm Death. Sacrificing people just makes me busier."
"Has he started any other cults?" Weiss asked.
"If you really want to know..." Death grinned. "I could show you."
Weiss looked heavenward. "I suppose you could show me."
A few moments later, Weiss could only stare in disbelief as she took in the sight of Zwei sitting on top of an underwater pyramid as a whole nation of lobsters began to chant his name.
X X X
Author's Notes
As always, I do not own RWBY. I'm not making any money off of this either.
All hail the Zwei! Seriously, though, you'd be surprised by how many people on so many worlds have been saved by Zwei. It's par for the course that quite a few of them would start worshipping him. Luckily, Zwei is a benevolent deity. Cuddles, a nice place to nap, and plenty of steak is all he demands of his followers.
Incidentally, I think this marks the first appearance of lemurs in this collection, as well as the first appearance of lobsters. What animal will be making their debut next? Will it be anteaters, will it be badgers… or will it be some kind of marsupial? Find out in the next thrilling episode of RWBY: Mega Animal Safari (also known as RWBY: Weiss vs The Animal Kingdom)!
Also, if you've enjoyed my fan fiction, you should check out my original fiction. You can find me on Amazon and Audible as L. G. Estrella. I've just released a new story, Cosmic Delivery Boy!
As always, I appreciate feedback. Reviews and comments are welcome.