"You're sure you'll be all right?"
"You'll barely be away."
"But maybe if I just w-"
"Jon, I hate living this way. We need to get past this."
"We will, it's only been one day. It's just for to-"
"No," Dany said harshly, "Now. We can't be like this every time one of us needs to go somewhere without the other."
"But it's not every time. Just this time."
Dany rolled her eyes pointedly at Jon from her position sitting on the bed. They had been having this disagreement since they woke up this morning: Jon should go hunting, Jon needs to check and set his traps, Jon doesn't want to leave Dany and Rose alone, it's too soon after what happened on the beach.
Unfortunately, Dany wanted to agree, but it made her fight much harder for him to leave and consequently made him second-guess leaving every other moment.
They needed to be apart. Dany was sure of it. Of course she didn't want to, but could she and Jon realistically stay together for their entire lives without spending a day without one another?
Up until the ill-fated elk hunting expedition, it had never been a huge event for Jon to be gone for the day or even overnight. Dany would spend time with Willa or go about her day as usual, worrying just the normal amount for a wife whose husband had the slight potential of running into a very large ice bear or a cannibalistic nomad. They had survived worse, proved themselves in worse situations, so why dwell too much?
And then the nightmares started. Then Dany and Rose were almost killed or worse, taken away. Then Jon found Dany lying on the beach, silver hair stained with blood and scarcely a trace of life in her. It wasn't unreasonable to wish to cling to each other after that.
But we need to move on, Dany had told herself with steely resolve, everything needs to move forward.
Just like her dreams, which had chosen a new subject last night.
Instead of bloody gray beaches and howling wind that warned of a coming storm, she dreamt of a lone, bronze-colored direwolf stalking beneath the twisted limbs of a weirwood tree. A shadowy figure came to rest on the wolf's broad back and spread its leathery wings, which gleamed a ghostly silver in the pockets of moonlight filtered between the weirwood's broad red leaves. The direwolf had turned to Dany and she awoke to Rose's morning calls of "Mama" and an image of familiar violet eyes burned into her mind.
This time, she tried not to dwell on it too much. The dream had not sat with her hauntingly the way her ominous dreams of the beach had. And Dany felt very certain that attempting to interpret any dreams, horrifying or simply about eating a piece of bread or seeing a violet-eyed direwolf, was not in her best interest. After all, she had been wrong about the last one. It hadn't been about Jon at all….
Her husband sat down next to her with a sigh, his hand over her knee and his eyes regarding her closely. "I just...I can't help think that the last time I left to go hunting, you didn't want me to but told me to go anyways. And then I did and…"
"But this isn't last time," Dany said earnestly, "This is this time. And I'm not helpless. If I needed you to stay, I would tell you."
"Would you?"
Fair point. Setting her jaw, Dany nodded. "Yes. I would - I will," she took his hand, dropping her voice and holding his intense gaze, "I will, annimahrazhkem."
Before Jon could respond, there was a prompt knock at the door followed by a swift entrance from Willa, Enda and Nerell trailing behind her. "I hope you've kept your promise, Dany," Willa warned as she entered.
These were the very few moments in which Dany missed the afforded privacy that came with nobility as compared with how she lived now. But was there anything else to miss? She smiled privately, knowing the answer, and kissed Jon sweetly before their visitors could make it much further through the door.
"I am," she murmured.
The most uncomfortable times in Dany's life were when Willa frowned while listening to her stomach. It happened when she was pregnant with Rose too, and each time there was never anything negative to say. And yet, Willa always frowned and Dany always stopped breathing.
Her stomach was still marked with blue and green over the alabaster skin. Dany knew her face was worse, still a touch swollen and purple over her cheek, but the sight of her stomach - the only protection her baby had - damaged and Willa's frown made her ill and anxious.
I can feel the baby, she told herself calmingly, I can. It's kicking already, I know it is.
She didn't even know why Willa always listened. Nobody could hear the baby from the outside. Jon often tried in jest, but they both knew it was a joke. She hadn't even mentioned the kicking yet. And yet when she asked Willa once, the healer had simply shrugged evasively and said, "I do."
"All right," Willa pronounced, raising her head up and letting Dany pull her clothes back over her to hide the unsightly bruising.
"You used to say 'strong' with Rose," Dany told her, more hotly than intended.
"Rose kicked enough to tell me she was," Willa said, showing no sign of registering Dany's tone, "But this one's a little quieter." She put a hand over Dany's, which were rubbing slow, soothing circles over the swell of her belly, and gave an encouraging smile. "Your baby's okay, Dany. I would tell you if they weren't."
Nodding, subdued, Dany glanced over to the table, where Nerell sat staring at a wall with his head resting on his folded arms. Enda had been tugged into the other room by a very aggressive toddler, and hadn't returned, although she heard the soft voice of the girl float out from the room every so often.
Is this what it will be like? Dany wondered. She had Jon had not brought up their idea of adopting the orphaned siblings yet, knowing that the first priority was the clan meeting tomorrow, but the thoughts of suddenly having four (three and a half, right now) children were very present in her mind. Would they want to live here? What if one of them was unhappy - like now when Enda was with Rose and Nerell was alone? What if they didn't like how she and Jon ran the household? How were they going to be able to help the kids to overcome the loss of their father? Dany and Jon had both lost their parents, but the only one remembered between the two of them was the death of Ned Stark.
How do you help a child grieve?
According to Willa, Nerell and Enda barely spoke. But Enda spoke around Rose. When she's not focused on her thoughts, Dany mused. It reminded her of the game she and Jon played after nightmares. Telling stories to take their minds away from the fear or pain. Spending time with Rose was like that for Enda, it seemed. But what about Nerell?
"Are you listening?"
Dany jerked her head back to face Willa. "Hmm - what? No, sorry," she said, eyes trailing back to the boy at her table. "I can go to the Gods' Clearing to see Drogon, right? While you're here with Rose."
"You look better than yesterday," Willa assessed, "And it would be good to see if you can do the walk since you won't be able to ride Embar into the village tomorrow. But...I don't think you should go alone. And, as I was saying, I wanted to mix up a few remedies for you. Especially that sore in your cheek, it still looks bad."
Without thinking, Dany poked her tongue at the sore, lumpy area that protested whenever she spoke. "I won't be going alone," she said, rolling her tongue back to its normal place and ignoring the mild sting she'd caused. Dany stood up and crossed over to where Nerell was still looking unblinkingly at the wall. She placed a hand on his shoulder and the boy turned his head around to look up at her with dull eyes.
"Nerell," Dany said, "Would you like to meet a dragon?"
For a moment, she thought that Nerell would simply turn back to the wall and ignore her, that she had completely misjudged finding something that he would enjoy doing. But then, he blinked and nodded slowly, the barest trace of a smile over his mouth for an infinitesimal second, which Dany returned.
Together, Dany and Nerell trod over the crisp, snow-covered land north towards the God's Clearing. The journey was quiet, although Dany found it to be a strong contrast to the quiet from when Enda and Nerell were in the house. Instead, Nerell seemed more comfortable, almost excited. His brown eyes were bright and alert, and Dany watched him turning back and forth to take in his surroundings. Every time the woods made a sound, his head whipped around, as if he was hoping to catch his first glimpse of a dragon.
It was strange to be offering to take a child to see dragons. In another life, Dany would have never suggested someone, especially one so young, approach her dragons besides herself. But Drogon was demonstrably more at ease now, and Dany could say the same for the other three as well, though she wouldn't call them her dragons.
Perhaps dragons' demeanours were a product of their climate. The cold made people more sluggish, and the heat made them irritable. Although the cold makes them just as irritable, Dany amended, thinking of some free folk and Northmen she had met, just sluggishly irritable. She wouldn't describe Drogon or Saphira as irritable or sluggish, but simply as mildly curious about humans and surprisingly comfortable with them. A tiny part of Dany missed the reactive and fiery black dragon of her old life, but it was muted by the excitement to be able to share dragons with others as something more than a weapon of fear.
Seeing the trees thin out, Dany paused before they walked into the clearing. "I just have one thing to tell you before we go in," she said to Nerell, leaning down as much as her body would allow so that she could be on his level.
Nerell looked back at her inquisitively and Dany took that to mean that he was ready to hear what she had to say. "Dragons are nothing to be afraid of, but they can be quite scary when you meet them for the first time," she explained, "Just stay by me and be gentle and calm. They'll come to you. And if you want to leave, tell me, okay?"
The boy nodded, now staring straight ahead. He breathed in deeply, as if he was willing himself to be calm just like Dany had said. A tentative hand slipped into Danys and squeezed slightly. Smiling, she led them forward.
The Gods' Clearing looked virtually the same as the day before: cold, a touch misty, and home to four dragons. Drogon and Saphira were curled up together near the heart tree and both lifted their heads when Dany and Nerell entered the clearing. Beside her, Dany heard Nerell's breathing speed up and his hand squeeze hers more tightly.
Reassuringly, she squeezed back. While Saphira remained where she was (Dany noticed the two small balls of silver tucked under her wing), Drogon got up, stretching out his leathery black wings like Dany would with her arms after a restful sleep. The great dragon lumbered slowly over to where Dany had stopped with Nerell a little way forward from the treeline.
"Rytsas issa tresy," she murmured, reaching out with her free hand as he approached and leaned his scaly head down towards the two. One amber eye glanced at Nerell before it closed, relaxing into Dany's hand moving smoothly over the rich scales.
Nerell's mouth had come slightly open as he watched Dany pet Drogon, the dragon purrs rumbling low throughout the clearing. The young boy's eyes were as round as copper coins. His hand shook in Dany's, though she didn't know if it was from excitement or fright. As she watched, Nerell ever so carefully raised his free hand up to Drogon's snout. It was shaking terribly (a mix of both emotions, Dany thought), but he kept moving it forward, squeezing his eyes shut as he did.
Hand reached scales and Dany heard Nerell take in a huge, quavering breath, his eyes opening again in shock. Drogon opened his eyes as well and leaned away from Dany and Nerell, shaking out his head with a great shudder and making Nerell jump. The jump startled Drogon, who looked down at the boy as if he had no idea what to make of him before turning to Dany once more. Her dragon regarded her briefly and then turned around, fanning his wings out and suddenly taking off at a loping pace. He flapped thunderously, soon lifting up out of the clearing to disappear behind the tall trees of the Haunted Forest. After the tip of his tail had disappeared, Saphira laid her head back down. Her blue eye stayed trained on Dany and Nerell, but she made no move to come near them nor to shoo them away.
Dany smirked. I'd think the same thing if people came over after I got Rose down for a nap. She admired how relaxed Saphira seemed while Drogon was gone. Perhaps that's who she needed to model herself after on days like today when Jon left in order to feed his family.
Suddenly, Nerell swayed and plopped down on the snow, staring at Saphira with the same wide eyes.
"Nerell, are you okay?" Dany asked, kneeling down next to him, concerned. Maybe this wasn't a good idea. He seemed overwhelmed, still shaking.
The boy looked up at Dany, staring back into her eyes for a while before finally speaking. "I-I-I really touched a dragon, didn't I?" he asked, brown eyes somehow growing wider.
Unable to help herself, Dany laughed. "Yes," she said, grinning and brushing over his hair, "Yes, you really did." At this, Nerell laughed as well. His laugh transformed him. Instantly lighter, so different from the boy who had been sitting at her table so recently, he looked like a boy of eight again.
"Come on," Dany grunted, pushing herself back up from kneeling, "Let's leave the sleeping dragons to their nap and get back."
Again they walked in comfortable silence, leaving the clearing behind for the shadowy woods that looked a bit gloomy under the gray sky. Nerell's posture had straightened up since the walk there. His step was springy and energetic. He continuously got a few paces ahead of Dany, but each time stopped to wait for her to catch up.
Dany could tell he was on the verge of speech each time, but decided to let it happen naturally instead of prompting him. By the fifth time he turned around to wait for her, it did.
"How come the white dragon didn't come up to us, Dany?" Nerell asked as she came up to him, "How come only the black one did?"
"Dragons take a very long time to build trust with a person," Dany replied, "I've only just met Saphira, but I've known Drogon his entire life."
"Is that why he came to rescue you?"
Dany paused, hoping for a moment that she had heard the question incorrectly. She knew what came next. There could only be one topic Nerell was headed to.
How do you help a child to grieve?
"Yes," she said demurely, "I think so."
Nerell nodded, looking down. "I wish he had come sooner," he muttered to his feet. Dany heard the faintest sniffle, but made no comment about it. Instead, she knelt down next to him like she had in the clearing and placed a hand on his shoulder.
The boy looked up at her, and she could see the red rim encroaching around his eyes. Grieve with them. "I do too," she said, squeezing his shoulder.
"Did...did my Da help save you too?" Nerell asked. His lip quivered, though Dany could tell that he was desperately trying to stop it.
"Yes," Dany said again, "He did."
Slowly, Nerell nodded once more. The boy's chest heaved with a large breath and he glanced up, perhaps looking for a trace of the dragons or maybe a trace of where his father had gone just past the sky. "Can I come back with you sometimes and visit the dragons?" Nerell asked Dany while still looking at the sky, "I want to build trust like you."
"Anytime you'd like," Dany replied with a smile, giving his shoulder another squeeze. She stood up and offered Nerell her hand. "Now let's go home," she said, "Save your sisters from the work Willa probably has them doing."
If Nerell heard Dany's slip, he did not let on, but instead took her hand and smiled as they walked home together. Little rays of the sun peeked through the gray clouds overhead and Dany wondered, as Nerell helped her over a fallen log in the path, if perhaps Dorand was just past the sky. At the white shores before the sea of light, knowing his children were safe and he could be ready to go on.
Translations:
"Anni mahrazhkem" means "my husband" in Dothraki and has become Dany's chosen pet name for Jon
"Rytsas issa tresy" means "hello my son" in Valyrian
I've tried to be deliberate with which language Dany uses when (she only talks to Embar in Dothraki and to Drogon only in Valyrian), but she tends to interchange based on mood with Jon. She uses Dothraki for the pet name because the first time she felt loved was among the Dothraki.