Trigger warning: rated 'M' for themes of suicide and self harm.
The water made everything clearer. But not in a good way. It acted as a lense, amplifying the little details, the broken , marred skin echoing lost love. Most of the scars were old and faded. Some were new. Some were very new. They still stung in the water.
It was funny, she should be happy now. There were good people in her life, she was part of the Pod again. But it wasn't her Pod anymore. The friends she once had didn't bother with her, they whispered about her when she was gone, acting like bitchy teenagers in some classic high school drama. And the good people? It just made the failures worse. When she made the recent cuts, all she could think was how disappointed they would be in her. How disappointed he would be.
Love is supposed to be good and happy. It's meant to be this thing people long for and chase after. Some go there whole lives alone and lost , desperate to find someone. While others find it in everyone. She was lucky, or she thought she was. She found love and it made her life perfect. He had been perfect.
They had lived in the perfect stretched out time and made a plan for a brilliant future. Love, huh, look where it can get you.
Rita closed her eyes, shutting out the white of the sides of the bath. The white was plain, clear, empty of any mark. Empty was good. It was safe. It stopped the overwhelming emotions. It was safe and she liked it.
The water was cold. She had lost track of how long she had been lying in the bath under the water. It wasn't the most comfortable, but she was past caring. She kept her eyes shut, to open them again would be to see the scars. She hated them, but it didn't stop her making more. They were mostly horizontal, but on her left wrist was the one she hates the most. The single long vertical line that was a constant reminder of that weakness. That one moment of weakness.
Love left her broken and physically scarred. Loosing Harry made her feel like she had lost herself. And it hurt. A physical ache that had driven her back to the Sea full time to try to heal. She chose Mako for their accepting nature to other Mermaids. But she broke the rules and suffered abandonment. Left alone against the world again. But it had mostly been her choice.
Harry's death had set it all off. It was the domino that got knocked over and made the rest fall down with a clatter. So when she broke the rules, she intentionally ruined things for herself. Being cast out was her way of isolating herself. Her initial refusal of letting Nixie , Sirena and Lyla stay had been her trying to secure her isolation. The ice cold act kept people away. While it wasn't her choice to begin with, she kept it up. Kept keeping everyone out and let herself fall.
Love destroyed her. And seeing them all so happy in love awoke the ache. But trying to end the pain herself didn't work so well before. It just left a long, vertical scar that she made sure to hide from everyone. Even those who actually care. The scars are for her eyes only. So only she can see how much loving someone would only bring her more pain than she could ever cause herself with that scrubbed clean blade that to her eyes is stained with red, red blood and the echoes of a lost love and a lost life.