Why hello there, miss me? *strange eyebrow moves*
…
Sorry. I have no idea what that was… Don't pay attention to me, I'm insane.
ANYWAY! I'm back with another chapter! I'm posting today because I also post this fiction in AO3 ans this chapter was released today in there as well. I wanted to wait a bit longer to post it at first but then I thought back about it. I mean it's kind of stupid if I post in one site and not in the other. The people who go on AO3 will have more things to read than on … And the point of all of this is for people to read this story ._. A little contradictory if you ask me…
This is also the last chapter I have in stock. All the other I already wrote are not finished, or still need some work so I definitely won't post before at least a couple of weeks. If not more. You know, September, back to college and everything...
So about the chapter itself! We are in another character's head this time! One of my favourites ;). It's something that will happen more and more often as the story goes on. Even if Kyria is the main character the story is still about Game of Thrones and there is other peoples in GOT. Plenty of other peoples xD
So even if we are still pretty centred on Kyria right now, this will change soon. Maybe not in this book but definitely on the others. And yes it's totally a teaser for what is coming next XD
Sorry not sorry!
So we have another point of view, some more drama (because come on, a story where everything is fine is boring you know that, I know that, everybody know that!) and a fluffy little surprises at the end ;)
I thank you as always for following and favorite this story, as well as reading it -obviously- and I hope you're still interested in Kyria's journey! Do not hesitate to leave a comment, so I know if what I am doing is actually worth something or not ^^. Your opinion matter my little readers! I demand it! *put her foot down like a child*
Enjoy it and I see you down there!
CHAPTER 4: The Bastard of Winterfell
End of the Year 296, Year 297
Jon
He didn't understand. One second she was there, talking to Robb, making things right between them and the next she was on the floor, lips moving without any words and eyes as white as snow.
"Kyria!"
"What's happening!?" he squeaked descending from his horse.
Robb was already there, his hand on Kyria's neck, gently shaking her to wake her up.
"Kyria! Kyria talk to me!" he said frenetically.
Jon knell next to them, not sure how he could help. Her face was pale and her eyes white. Like they had roll inside their socket.
Her lips keep moving. But no sound came out of her mouth. Suddenly, Jon realizes something. Was she having one of her vision? Was this what it looked like?
"Jon, help me!" asked Robb as he moves his sister away from the horses.
The young men do as said and gripped her sister's legs, along with the dress. Together they pull her away, from the beasts that keep knocking the dirt under their feet. Once in a safe distance, Jon went to grab the horses before they get any ideas of abandoning them.
Just as he came back, Kyria blinked and her eyes rolled back to their rightful place.
"Kyria!" they called at the same time.
Kyria looked at them. She seemed disturbed. Absent maybe.
They keep trying to get her attention, to understand what just happened, but she didn't say a word. She blinked lazily and looked at their faces.
Then her lips moved again, as she looked between his and Robb's head.
"And so he spoke..." she mumbled suddenly.
Jon looked at Robb. Was she singing?
"Is that a song?" asked Robb.
"I don't know..."
"And… now the blood… splash through those halls..."
Jon exchanged an alarmed glance at his brother.
"For… every soul here to see…" she mumbled.
Jon fell the blood leave his face. It felt like one of her vision.
Blood splashing through the floor. He remembers having read something like this on her lists about her dreams. But what worried him more was the last bit. For every soul to see… What did she mean by that?
He had a bad feeling about this thing.
"Kyria? Kyria talk to me!" said Robb.
She blinked. Multiple times and looked at Robb. Something seems to have changed.
"Robb..." she said.
Robb sighed in relief and hug his sister. Jon's eyes fell on his white knuckles against Kyria's cape.
They rode back immediately. Robb attached Kyria's mare to his own horse and put her in front of him for their trip back to Winterfell. Jon followed them dutifully, brooding along the way. He couldn't help but think about what just happened. Was it one of her visions?
Just thinking about it moved something inside him. Something scared. For Kyria first, but… he didn't like to think of it but a part of him was kind of scared of her too. Of what was this she saw.
His eyes went back on Kyria's small form. She looked so small against Robb's large form. Jon suddenly felt stupid. Of course, she looked small. She was still a child. Only three and ten, almost two years younger than him.
She was still a little girl. He used to be slightly amused to see her being as tall as Sansa, who was three years younger.
Since the fall he often forgot how young they were with all of those conversations, always so serious.
Well… dreaming of blood and death and monsters every night might have changed her a bit.
Kyria didn't say a word. They put the horses in the stables, went to her chamber without hearing her speak. She merely let them walk her around gazing absent-mindedly in the empty. She merely blinked when Jon close her door behind him. Robb sat her in her bed and kneel in front of her.
"How are you feeling? Do you need us to fetch Maester Luwin?"
Kyria blinked and look at him.
"...No. I just… I only need some rest."
He sighed and looked at Jon. Jon looked at his boots.
"What happened Kyria. Can you explain it to me? What- what were you mumbling?"
She didn't answer. But she looked at Jon. Jon looked back, and almost took a step back. Her eyes looked almost empty. Like there was nothing inside. She blinked and turned away.
Jon hesitated. Should he tell Robb? It wasn't his place but… maybe he should. He knew Robb to be stubborn. He won't let it go that easily. Especially if she keeps behave strangely like that.
"Kyria," he said again.
She looked at him.
"… I don't know."
"What do you mean you don't know? Something happened."
"I- I don't know."
Jon starts talking. He didn't think at the end. He opened his mouth and explained everything to Robb. The dreams, the visions, their quest. Everything. Robb didn't understand at first. So Jon shows him the lists Kyria had made for him when she first talked about it.
He read them carefully. Then look back at her.
"Why… why didn't you tell anyone?" he finally asked.
Kyria looks at him. "I… I don't know. I never could."
He frowned.
"I tried to tell Mother… or Father or Maester Luwin but every time the words were like trapped in my throat."
Robb looks away, thoughtful.
"What happened… this was one of those visions?"
She nodded.
"Gods that was scary Kyria. Your eyes, what you were saying… This… this can't happen again."
"What would you want me to do? I don't like it! I don't want it! But I have no choice. I can't control it!"
"I get that but we can't let this happen again! What if you're alone next time? What if you fall from your horse again, or in the stairs, of from a tower! You could get hurt Kyria! Or die!"
"I know but I can't do anything about it! I can't control it!"
Robb sighed and sat next to her. He runs a hand through his hair and looks back at Jon.
"We have to understand what this is."
"What do you think we were trying to do?" bite back Jon just as frustrated.
He keeps thinking, rubbing his chin with his hand. Jon sat on a chair and pull off his cape.
"And what about Old Nan?" asked Robb.
Jon and Kyria exchanged a glance.
"Old Nan?"
"Aye. She has those stories..."
"About the old ages?" asked Jon. "What does it have to do with this?"
"She talked about something the other day. You must remember Jon, the story about the Children of the Forest and their powers."
"Yes, the things with the Dorne's Arm and the Neck. But still, a legend about moving water is different from a vision about… whatever they are about."
"Aye I know but maybe the thing about the green seer is different."
"Greenseer?" asked Kyria.
"Being with the ability to see the future, I think."
"You think… I'm seeing the future?" asked Kyria in disbelief.
She didn't seem to like the idea. Jon wasn't fond of it either. It didn't make any sense. How could she be able to see the future in those visions? They didn't even understand what they could possibly mean!
"That's insane..."
"We don't know. It doesn't hurt to talk to her," said Robb.
He looked deadly serious.
"I don't-" started Kyria.
She didn't continue her sentence. She frowns and didn't say anything else.
"Let's go." ordered the heir.
His siblings didn't complain. They found the old woman in the room close to the nursery, where the smaller children kept to play inside, under her watchful eyes.
Rickon was there too, happily playing with some wooden toys. He offered them a wide smile as they entered the room.
"Hello, Rickon." salute Kyria with a little bow.
The boy giggles and hug her legs. Robb offered them a tight smile and went directly to the old servant.
"Nan, can we talk to you?" he asked politely.
"What a silly question. You already are," she responded, her voice trembling with age. "The real question young Lord is: what is it you want to talk with me so badly you have to ask a silly question?"
Robb blushed and sat in front of the lady. Jon did the same, curious to see how this conversation was going to be. Kyria sat too, and Rickon didn't wait to climb her knees, his faithful wooden knight holds tight in his small fist.
"Nan… we would like to ask you about the green seers?"
"Aah" sighed the old woman her eyes lighten with a bright spark. "the greensight! My, my children wouldn't you be interested in the tales of the Old times?"
"We are, Old Nan," responded Jon. "We'd like to understand more of it."
"Very well." responded the servant. "Sit closer my sweet Summer children, and let Old Nan tell you about the Green Dreams."
The greenseers were the Wise and Powerful Leaders of the Children of the Forest, back in the old Age. They were truly Powerful being, capable of the greatest prodigies. Our mere legends do not tell How Powerful they could be, but We know for a fact their magic change and patterned our World.
The Greenseers were gifted with many powers. We know about them from the tales shared by the First Men at the Dawn Age and the War that opposed the Children of the Forest with the First Men. They could see everything from the eyes of the faces they carved on the trees, they could use their magic on Nature itself, commanding the Wind and the Sea. They were the reason why Westeros and Essos are now two distinct lands. They tried to do the same with the South and the North of Westeros, but the Gods don't allow mortal being to control what was their domain.
The Greenseers could melt their own mine with one of their animals. They could do many things.
When the War ended, the Children and the First Men became allies. Somehow, some of the Powers of the Children melt with the First Men's blood. Some say it was due to marriage and mix between moth species, other suspects it is due to the faith the First Men soon shared of the Old Gods.
Anyway, when The First Stark came, with Bran the Builder and became the Kings of Winter, it is known their blood was thick with Magic as was The blood of the Children of the Dawn Age.
The Kings of Old Times were always accompanied by a beast as powerful as they were. The said Beast became the Sigil of their House:
The Direwolf.
Jon listened carefully to the tale of the old woman. He often looked at Kyria, founding her paler every time.
Old Nan's voice grew quiet, and the young Stark exchange glances. Within a couple of silent minutes, Nan talked again.
"Well, then children? Is your curiosity satisfied?"
Robb looked at Jon who looked right back. Both of them looked at their sister who stays silent.
"I think so..." said Robb unsure. "Thank you Old Nan."
The woman hummed and look closely to each of the young visages presented in front of her. Jon wondered what she could be looking for.
After an uncomfortable minute, she nodded again and shake her hand.
"If that is all, don't you have other things to do children?" she says almost impatiently.
The three of them, use as they were to obey their old nurse's command abruptly stood up and excuse themselves. Rickon hugs their legs one more time then go back to his games.
As they exit the room, Kyria gripped Jon's arm strongly.
They isolate themselves into the library, at the usual table Jon and Kyria use to occupy during their endless afternoons of research.
"Are you alright Kyria?" asked Robb at his sister's pale cheeks.
She merely nods her eyes lost in the wood of the table.
"What is it?" asked Jon.
"I- Oh what she described. It's… It's too close of those dreams for my comfort." she tried to explain. "And when she spoke of Direwolves..."
"What of it?" asked Robb.
"I don't know. I can't explain it... It's as if I could… I could almost see them."
"See what? The Direwolves?"
She nodded.
"Are you sure about this?" asked Jon.
"What do you mean?" she said looking at him.
Something in the tone of her voice warns Jon to be careful with what he was about to say.
"I know you want answers as I do. But, are you sure this is how you feel about this?"
"I don't know."
"Because if you are..."
"I know what it means if what I see is… is about our future."
Jon's mind went immediately at the first dream she related in her lists. The one with the head rolling…
He didn't like the perspective of it being true. Not at all in fact.
"We can't be sure anyway," said Robb after a time. "But if it is true… I don't like it."
"None of us do Robb," responded Kyria.
"What should we do then?"
"There is only one thing to do," she said again, looking at them with a seriousness that squeezes Jon's throat.
"We must prepare."
"For what? For when?"
"I don't know. But I do know that if any of the things I dreamed of are true, we must prepare for the worst."
"Hope for the best prepare for the worst," repeated Robb pensively.
Kyria smiled.
"Exactly."
"And how do we know how to prepare? You are the only one with those visions."
A spark lightens Kyria's eyes. Something a cat would have while eating the canary.
"You'll have to do as I say brother dear."
Oh boy…
OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo-GOT-oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO
The month following that day was… strange to put it gently. When before there was only Jon and Kyria locked in the library for entire afternoons, Robb now joined them. The rest of the household didn't miss the opportunity to question this new habit. Some of them compared it to their childhood antics, those blessed times where it was hard to ever separate the three of them for more than an hour.
Lady Catelyn was the less fond of this new arrangement, as she didn't hide her contempt for the son of her husband, and found this new proximity with her own children most unwelcome. In one of his most bitter moments, Jon suspected it was more his presence around Kyria that bothered the lady than his friendship with Robb. He wasn't sure what the great lady had to say about it, but Jon tried to avoid her even more than he usually did, only coming in the same room as her when he has no other option. The household became quite used to see him take his meal in the kitchen.
They were not even doing that much in those times. They talked. They looked again and again for clues in the dreams Kyria shared with them and they talked about it, guessing, trying to understand as much as they could. Jon and Robb had both agreed they didn't want to know what dream Kyria could have about them if even that happened. She could advise them but not tell it.
Something in the way she looked at them when Robb told her made Jon think she dreamed about them. That and her almost obsession over their education.
When they were not talking, Kyria made them read or debate on one book or another. Politics, Geography, tales of old battles, History of previous King both of the North and the Seven Kingdoms…
Many subjects in fact. Robb didn't like them and Jon couldn't say he was fond of the exercise. However, it was a subject Kyria didn't want to let go.
One afternoon, She asks them to find her in the Godwoods. To their surprise, she wasn't alone. Lord Stark was there too, seated between the roots of the Heart tree, polishing slowly his great Valerian's steel sword.
Kyria made a strange face, her eyes staying longer than necessary on the sword in their Father's hands.
"Well, well, people," Ned observed with an amused glance at the three of them.
"Hello, father." pipped Kyria.
She sounded like a little girl. All eager and playful and innocent looking.
Without another word she sat promptly on the floor and opened the book, Jon hadn't noticed she had with her.
Robb looked at Jon and sat next to her. She didn't wait a minute to start her lesson of the day. Jon sat with them and listened patiently, his eyes often founding one line or another of the book in her hands.
"What are you reading here ?" asked Father after some time.
" Live of Four Kings."
Ned blinked. Jon blinked too. Was it? He felt a bit bad, for not knowing the name of the book. Surely Kyria must have mentioned it…
Did she?
He should have pay attention.
"That is a strange choice..."
"I thought it could be interesting to see the things one might not do if he wants to rule and command people," Kyria explained patiently.
Ned held out his hand, and she gave him the book. He looked at it with great attention. Flipping some pages and even read some lines.
"Yes… the Targaryen kings," he said pensively. "This is a rather complete work I dare say, with a lot of detail. But I fail to see the appeal for a young lady as yourself Kyria."
Why would Father said such a thing? Jon thought. Surely he must know Kyria's love for anything even slightly related to knowledge, of any kind. But something in his father's expression stopped him. He didn't look disappointed or judgmental as Jon's expected but rather… challenging. What did this mean? Why would he look like that?
Kyria didn't take offense of father's remark and merely smiled.
"I found it fascinating. On numerous point Father. It not only explain in great detail the War lead by Daeron the first in his quest for Dorne but also the politics behind his reign and the reason, according to Grand Maester Kaeth why his conquest failed. It also shows the power of the common folks in a realm and how their love for their Lord or King can change the face of a kingdom. Or a reign. With King Baelor, he was so loved no one could touch him without starting a riot. He was the most loved of the Targaryens." she explained passionately. "And Aegon the Unworthy is the perfect example of what a King must not be! If one wants to rule, was it a kingdom or merely a Land, all he has to do is take all of Aegon's decision and do the exact opposite!"
Ned chuckled, merely amused by his daughter enthusiasm.
"Well, you do have a strong opinion of this book." Kyria nodded eagerly. "But why are you dragging your brothers in your reading? I'm not sure it is the kind of thing they want to do with their spare time."
"It's interesting Father. I asked Kyria to show this book to me," said Robb, a strange light in his eyes.
Jon looked at him. He's never been like that before. There was something different about him.
"Do you?"
Robb nodded. "Kyria told me about this book some times ago, and I asked her to show it to me. I'm about to be the next Lord of Winterfell, and I want to do it right. I thought learning a bit more about the past Targaryen kings and the way they lead their Kingdom couldn't be so bad. It could hold some advice I may have not yet."
Ned Stark blinked, clearly surprised and smile. The pride in his eyes was almost painful to see for Jon who felt dragged away in the shadows.
"That's a good way of thinking Son. I didn't know you were that interested in politics, however."
"I'm ready to take everything I'm given to do a job as good as yours when the time comes," said Robb, his voice strong and assured. He looked like a Lord, thought Jon, swallowing back the bitter taste in his mouth.
A small hand grabbed his own.
"And you Jon?" asked Lord Stark. "What do you find so interesting in this book?"
For one second, he didn't know what to say. He looked back at the said book, still in his father's hands, and remain speechless. Kyria pressed his hand. He was awful at lying. He couldn't lie to save his life. Why did he want to read this book? He only followed Kyria when she said he had to look at it. That they'll look at it together. He might even learn something useful she said. But to what point?
He was no Lord, he wasn't going to inherit any lands or title. Nothing. He was a Snow. The bastard of Winterfell. What could he do with something like this?
Nothing. He'll probably never use the knowledge Kyria was so eager to give him. Why did he even bother?
Hope for the best prepare for the worst.
Yes… Robb had said that when they first talked about preparing for whatever may happen in Kyria's visions. Maybe this was the best?
"I- I wanted to prepare for… every eventuality." he finally said with some hesitation.
Lord Stark hummed and nodded pensively. He looked at Jon right in the eyes for what felt like an eternity, looking for something maybe. Then his gaze dropped on the book still in his hands.
"You know… when I was a boy, your grandfather made your Uncle Brandon read this book entirely. He said that was as good as any training he could give him." Father said, his eyes lost in the cover of the book.
"He did?" asked Jon.
They spend the rest of the afternoon in the Godwoods, with the book and Father. For a moment, Jon almost forgot about the outside world. He felt safe like he belonged here. Maybe it was the Godswoods, and the Old Gods themselves, their presence never as strong as in the place. Maybe it was Father's presence, his strong voice and Kyria's hand in his own, a reminder of his childhood days, where they use to spend entire days here, swimming in the pool or playing by the trees. When it was only him and Robb and Kyria.
Jon couldn't say for sure, but for this moment, he felt truly at home. Something that intended to become rarer as he grew up and Lady Catelyn's eyes felt heavier on his back.
They learn a lot of things, from Father that day. Jon wondered if this was the reason why Kyria loved so much to spend her time there, with Father. Did she often have those private lessons? He wondered…
He asked as they went to the dining room for their evening meal. Kyria smiled at him.
"Father is always more relaxed when in the Godswood. I discovered he likes to talk there, with the gods watching us. He's always more talkative about many subjects. We can talk for a long time there. And I use the opportunity to learn one thing or two when I have the chance."
"Clever," commented Robb with a smile.
Kyria giggled.
During the following weeks, Robb and Jon did the same. They went to the Godswood and talked with their Father. Together or alone, it didn't really matter. They could really enjoy his company in those times, and Jon didn't know for the other, but he felt like he needed those moments. In recent years, as he grew into a man, he and Father have driven away from each other. Robb needed to be trained to his future role and Lady Catelyn hated to see Jon spend time with them then. Those little trips to the godswood were good for this.
Between their 'lessons' and the long discussion with Kyria, every other day, time went pretty quickly without any of them really paying attention. Until one day, Jon turned five and ten.
People started talking then.
It wasn't much. Some of the staff in the kitchen, or the maids in the corridor. It didn't even happen often. But it did, once or twice. The Great question was asked.
What will the bastard do? How long is he going to stay here?
And he wondered too. More and more frequently. What was he supposed to do with his life? He wasn't naive to the point of believing he was going to spend all of his life under the roof to Winterfell. As much as he would've liked it, he knew he couldn't.
For once, Lady Stark was not going to tolerate his presence for the rest of her life. He'll be too much of a disgrace. And even if she did, he couldn't stay. He'd already spend all his life under his brother shadow. As much as he loved him, he knew he couldn't spend the rest of his days like this. He'll grow crazy. Or worse, hateful. He didn't want to hate his brother. He didn't want to be a burden or a shadow between the walls of the keep. He needed to be his own man. To prove himself, and make his own name. To be something else than Jon Snow, the Bastard of Winterfell.
As so, he often thought about his uncle Benjen, and the Wall. He could go there. The wall was a place where you could make a name of your own. Start everything over again. Protect the realm. Everything he could dream of. Everything he could not have here.
Maybe that was the answer he was looking for. Maybe that was what he could do? After all, he didn't have much of a choice. He didn't want to be what everyone was saying about bastards. He wanted to be himself. The Wall could do that. And no one was to judge him up there. He'll have a purpose. He'll belong somewhere. Somewhere who's not another's home or place. He'll have a new family.
Brother of the Night Watch. He could almost picture it, in his head as he lay, alone in the night.
"Oh for the love of the gods old and new wouldn't you just shut up!"
"You shut up Sansa!"
Oh dear.
No matter how many changes occurred in his life, one thing seemed to be doomed to remain the same apparently.
Jon wasn't sure if this was only him or if something had changed, but this last few weeks have seen a great deal of Sansa and Arya infamous bickering. Way more than what they usually were. Which already said a lot.
The saddest thing about all of this, they didn't even know what it was about most of the time. Only that they liked to drive each other mad. Often.
"I swear to all the gods I know if either of you says ONE MORE WORD I will drown her in the first water well I found, no matter who's around!" exploded Kyria.
Well some of them had more trouble supporting it than others thought Jon with amusement. My my and some thought she was the calm sister... The boy snorted and went back to his training. Not his business. And he didn't want to have anything to do with what was happening there. He liked to think about it as survival instinct.
Later, when Jon came back to his room, he found an unexpected visitor. Under his furs...
Why did his bed look so… not empty?
As he pulls it out, a pair of big dark eyes looked right back at him with all the innocence they could master. Which, for a child of nine was way too many.
"Arya? What are you doing here?"
The girl sits on his bed, looking all grumpy and pouting like the little shit she was sometimes. Very often in fact.
"I wanted to spend some time with you."
"In my bed?"
She blushed. Jon almost did. That sounded disturbingly weird.
He didn't need to think much to guess what she was doing here.
"You were hiding?"
Her face reddened, and Jon could almost start to count down in his head.
"It's not my fault! Sansa keeps bothered me all the time! With her pretty dress and pretty things! Like she was better than me! Always criticizing me like she knew everything and I was too stupid to understand! She's- she- ARGH!"
… Why him? He didn't know anything about girls even less about their moods. He was good with a sword that's all!
"I-" he tried, but he didn't know what to say.
Talking wasn't really his thing.
Frustrated, Arya throws her arm over her head and fall back in his fur.
Jon sits close to her and lets her speak. She complained a lot. Then move on. They spoke about many things. It was always easy to speak with Arya. She thought like him. Of all their siblings, she was the one who resembles him the most. In traits, coloring, and character. They were the outcast. The different ones. He didn't notice they were falling asleep until they were.
A loud sound coming from his door woke him up. Lady Catelyn stood at his doorstep, her eyes locked in Arya' silhouette sprayed on top of his chest. The look of horror on her face made his throat ache.
"Lady Stark..."
"Arya. Get up," she ordered, ignoring the bastard boy.
The little girl didn't move. Jon tries to shake her shoulder but the angered gaze the noble Lady put on his hand stopped him. Jon bites his cheek.
"Arya," she repeated louder.
This time, his sister heard it. She jumps from him and fell off the bed in a mess of limbs and dress and surprised squeals.
"M-mother!"
"Arya go to your room. This is no place for a young lady."
The child must have felt the tension in the room, as for once she didn't protest at her mother's orders. She sends Jon an apologetic look and passes the door, head pushed between her shoulders.
Once alone with the lady, the tension between them almost chock his breath away. Lady Stark gaze seemed to want to crush him like an insect.
Jon didn't know if he was supposed to talk or to wait for her to start with whatever reproach she had for him. Her lips were white, pressed together as if she wanted to make them disappear.
"You...I want you to leave."
Jon's heart beat a little faster inside his chest.
"Lady Catelyn."
"You're not a child anymore. I don't care where you go but I want you to leave. Do you understand me? can't suffer your presence in my home any longer. I won't."
"… Yes, lady Catelyn."
"Leave," she said again before turning her heels and disappear on the corridor.
Her footstep sounded like a knell for him. He always knew she wanted him gone. She didn't hide it. But now it was different. She just literally ordered him to go.
Not for the first time, Jon wished he'd been born from this woman. If only he wasn't a bastard. Maybe she could've loved him. Only a little bit.
How many times did he wish she'd take him in her arms, as she does with Robb, or Kyria or Bran. How many times did he pray for a mother?
But he was the Bastard of Winterfell.
Jon thought about it for days, without knowing what to do. He thought about talking with Robb or Kyria but quickly dismissed the idea. He knew what they would way. This was not what he needed to hear.
After another long week of reflection, Jon went to his father's solar. He still had made no decision, but he needed answers. He had waited far too long for it. He found the door almost closed, and Lord Stark already in the middle of a discussion.
"- I don't care Ned. This boy will leave."
"Jon is my blood. He is my responsibility and I don't intend to let anyone decide his fate."
"This bastard stayed here long enough. He is almost a man now and way too close to my girls. I don't like him lurking in the corner like some kind of shadow. I don't want him near my children anymore, do you hear me? I don't want that boy in my roof. I let you keep him as he was still a child but enough is enough. "
"Good gods women what do you think he could do to the children. He loves them."
"I. Don't. Care. Ned. I won't have that boy near my children doing the Seven only know what all day. He already spends way too much time with Kyria and with her state… I don't want that bastard poisoning her fragile mind. He already is too close to her and now with Arya is following his example... My girls won't be tamed by a wild bastard of the north."
"Cat, again with that? Those girls are from the north, Arya is almost the vivid image of her aunt, no one will change her, not even you. As for Kyria, she is too old to be melded as a true lady as you did with Sansa, and you know it."
"Don't cross me here Ned!"
"No. You can have a lot of things for me but don't touch my blood. I warn you Cat."
The room fell silent for a while. Jon holds his breath.
"Fine. I leave you then my lord."
The boy hastily steps back from the door and hide in a corridor close. Lady Stark walked past him without noticing, her face frowned in discontent. Gods.
Ignoring his trembling hands, Jon took a deep breath, and knock in his Father's door.
"Yes?"
Jon slipped inside Lord Stark's solar. Ned looked up, his face relaxed when he recognized Jon. The young boy- no the young man, pitched on his heels, then went closer to his father's table.
"Jon. Why are you here?"
He hesitated. He didn't know what to do. Lost, he looked to his father's eyes, searching for an answer. Like always when Ned Stark was looking at him, there was this strange light in the back of his eyes. He looked… not sad exactly but… Jon couldn't describe it even if he tried.
Nostalgia maybe? Longing? Whatever it was, Jon knew it was because of the only thing Jon wanted to know.
His mother. No matter what, when Lord Stark, or Lady Stark, or the servants… everyone, in fact, was looking at him, they were looking for his mother. Trying to know who she was, or remembering her through his traits.
It was as if he didn't exist. Not really. He was just something like a mirror for others to think about his mother. He didn't know her, but his entire life was about her. Her and father's mistake. Dishonor.
Even when he looked at his reflection on the mirror, he was asking the same question then everyone else. Who was she?
Only Father knew.
"Lord Stark… I'm five and ten."
Ned didn't respond. He looked at Jon, waiting for the rest.
"I- I'm almost a man and- You said you would tell me when I was ready. I think I am now. I want to know."
"Who is your mother." Lord Stark guessed.
Jon nodded. Ned sighed and dropped his gaze. There it was. Longing. Sadness?
All those emotions he didn't understand. If only he had an answer. Who was she? Was she alive? Did she think about him sometimes? Did she love him? Why didn't he saw her? Ever?
He wanted to know. He needed to.
"I have to know. I'm-" Jon sighed. He didn't know what to say. But he wanted to know.
Ned Stark rubbed his forehead, eyes lost in the papers on his desk. He looked conflicted.
"Can we talk about this later Jon? I have many things to think about now and-"
And What?
"I don't want to think about this now."
Jon bit his lip, hot anger bumping through his vein. Of course. Not now. It's not the right moment. But then, when was it? The right moment. Tomorrow? In ten years? Never? It was always the same thing. But not today. He needed those answer and be damned if he didn't get them. The young man, looked at his father, straight in the eye. If he couldn't have a name, maybe he could have something else.
"Does she love me?"
"Jon-"
"Father. I- I'll ask nothing else. I only want to know if she… if my mother loves me."
Gods he hated how desperate he sounded. His heart was beating so fast in his chest, Jon felt like he was going to explode. He maintained contact with his father's gaze. He couldn't let go of it, not until he had his answer.
Finally, after a long, long time, Ned Stark opens his mouth again.
"Yes, Jon. She loved you. She loved you more than anything else in this world. More than life itself. She would have done anything for you."
A rush of feeling invaded Jon's chest. A thousand more question rushed through his head, who was she, why did she abandon him, why did he never heard of her… But his lips stayed close. Lord Stark's face closes up, any feeling he could have express recluse deep inside his heart.
"I have work to do Jon. We'll talk later."
Jon exit the room, a weak "yes father" on his way. He walked slowly on the corridors, a blank veil covering his thought. He didn't know what to think about this conversation.
His mother loved him. When he was born, he had been loved by someone. Like Robb was loved by Lady Stark.
It only occurred to him, much later that day, that Father had spoken of the past. With this same longing in his eyes, as he had said those few words.
She loved you. More than life itself. Would have done anything... Loved, not love. Meaning she didn't anymore. More than life itself. More than life. Life... Some tears felled from his eyes, as a bitter realization came to his mind, like evidence.
His mother was dead. He would never meet her. He could never ask why she had abandoned him, why she had left him alone in this world. Now he knew the answer. She didn't leave him. She died. A bitter thought came to his mind. Did she die in childbirth? Did he- Did he killed his mother to come to the world? Was it the reason why his father took him with him? He didn't know for sure. He didn't really want to know too. He couldn't bear it now. Not now.
Maybe never.
As sleep finally claimed him, despite the wet puddle under his cheek, and the salt on his lips, he thought of Kyria. Did she know about this?
He didn't get the occasion of asking her about it for some days. He tried not to think too much about it. He didn't even ask in the end. It only came in the conversation one day, as he found her in the Godwoods.
She had a strange expression on her face. Her eyes didn't leave the face of the Heart tree.
"Kyria?"
She blinked and smiled at him.
"Jon."
"Are you alright?"
She merely nodded and looked back at the face.
"What is it?" he asked.
"I made… a strange dream last night."
Jon sat up, alarmed.
"A dream? Another vision?"
She shacked her head.
"Not exactly a vision… This one was different."
"How so?"
She looked thoughtful.
"Usually… when I'm dreaming, I'm always… kind of present in the dream. Like the scene was happening in front of me. Except for no one never pay attention to me." she explained. "like some kind of play. But this time… I was… I think I was one of the things in my dream."
Jon frowned.
"And what was it?"
"I'm not sure…"
"Would you… would you tell it to me? Maybe I could help?"
She looked at him.
"Maybe..." she took her time, gathering her thought, before opening her mouth. " At first there was nothing. Only darkness and this strange feeling of… I don't know safety maybe? Then I heard something around me. It sounded a bit like… whimpers I think? You know those little noise a baby pup make sometimes? I didn't see anything really, but… there was something warm moving around me. Multiple something I think. And, at some point, something licked me."
"Licked you?"
She nodded and touched her head. "there. Once or twice. And I felt warm and hungry and… I didn't think much, in fact, I only wanted..."
"What?"
"I wanted milk."
Jon blinked, surprised.
"Milk?"
She nodded again.
"But you hate milk."
"I know! I don't understand what it means."
"We should talk about it with Robb," said Jon.
Kyria smiled.
"Why? Do you think he will know better than us?"
Jon shrugged.
"He knew about old Nan. And the greenseer."
"True..."
She looked back at the tree.
"Is there… something else?"
"I'm not sure… It's just- When Old Nan tells us about the greenseers and the Children… do you remember what she said about the Stark of Old times?"
"She said a lot of things about them."
"Yes I know but- I was thinking of the Direwolves."
"What of it?"
"I don't know there's something… When she spoke of the Direwolves, there was something that keeps coming into my head, every time I thought about it. About us three..."
"What do you mean?"
"When I thought about you. About what you did to help me… There was one thing that came back, again and again..."
"What is it?"
"White Wolf."
White wolf?
"What does it mean?"
Kyria laughed.
"That's the thing, Jon. I don't know. I don't know anything."
Jon could say he knew more than her… What a mess.
They told Robb the following evening. He didn't know either.
Jon didn't talk about his own discovery. He didn't know how and it wasn't that important anyway. This was possibly about their future. No one needed Jon's past in the equation.
"Maybe someone will knock at our door with an entire litter of direwolves for young Stark in wanting?" Robb joked.
They laughed. That would have been fun.
A couple of weeks later, exactly one year after Kyria's fall as oddly as it was, they didn't laugh anymore.
Things were beginning to be really really strange…
The day started like any other day. Well, Lady Catelyn spends a good hour fussing around Kyria like a true mother hen, in case something might happen to her, and Sansa seemed particularly reluctant to let her big sister out of her sight. They spend the entire Fast glued to one another. To a point on don't think neither ate that much... Which may be a little exagerate...isn't it?
But, other than that, everything was perfectly normal. Ish.
As he and Robb were training Bran in the courtyard Bow and arrow in hand when they were joined by their sister, Kyria wisely in the middle. She did that often recently, a good way to minimize the conflicts between the youger girls.
"Go on Bran." said Jon with a smile, " you have an audience."
"Go one Bran!" cheer Kyria from her spot.
"Do you think he can hit the target?" asked Arya with excitation.
"I'm sure he can," said Kyria with confidence.
He didn't. Robb and Jon laughed. Lord Stark chastised them from his spot on one of the catwalks, Lady Stark silently eyeing them next to him.
"And which one of you was a marksman at nine?" asked Ned. "Go on Bran."
Kyria giggled, and clap in her hands.
"I still don't understand why we have to go here," said Sansa.
"Well its a change from our little sewing sessions," responded Kyria good naturally.
"Is it?"
"If you don't like it you can still leave," grumbled Arya.
"Don't start," warned Kyria.
Both girls huffed but didn't say anything else. See. Efficient.
Arya didn't wait long to show her own skills with a bow and the session ended up with the younger children chasing one another all around the courtyard under their laugh. Sansa even smiled. A thing rare enough around Jon for him to notice it. It was a shame so, she had a pretty smile. Like her mother he thought sadly.
It was kind of hypocrite of him to think so, as he wasn't exactly a happy-go-lucky fellow himself and had this tendency to spend way to much time sulking in a corner, but he felt Sansa at least had many more reasons to smile than him. He wasn't the cherished daughter of a Lord Paramount after all.
But anyway.
Once the little ones seated down, Father announced the execution of a deserter of the Night Watch. He had to go execute him and asked for Robb Jon and Bran to accompany his journey. Lady Catelyn looked clearly unhappy at the idea.
But Lord Stark had decided Bran was old enough to face death, and so he was.
The execution itself was just as quick and solemn as every other one Jon assisted. The poor soul was rambling strangely all along, but he didn't payed it attention, his eyes more focused on Bran than anything else. It was his first time after all.
The boy took it well. Jon was impressed.
Then, on the road back, they found the dead Stag. Jon immediately felt something strange. It was almost instinctive. A kind of apprehension, like something, was about to happen. Usually, Jon didn't think much about those things. Even if his recent experience with Kyria and her dreams had changed a bit his vision of those things (magic, and what not), he was still what might be called septic. He was raised with tales of Magic and Ancient heroes, but for him, this was something of the past. Something long gone.
However, as they came in front of the corpse of a giant Wolf, in the middle of the woods, with six pups hungrily sucking its milk, he started to question his belief.
As Bran looked almost adoringly at one puppy Robb just put in his arms, both older brothers exchange a stupefied glance.
"How old are they?" asked Jon with a trembling voice.
Ser Rodrick and Jory Cassel looked at the pups seriously.
"We can't be sure, Direwolves has not been seen south of the Wall for years. But, as they have their eyes closed I dare say...maybe a couple of weeks. Not much more."
Robb looked back at Jon, his neck creaking painfully with the move. A couple of weeks… Kyria had her strange dream exactly eighteen days before this… Could this be…?
Jon couldn't even formulate it in his head. It was too much.
Robb didn't say anything. Jon was glad for it as he didn't know what to say either. They looked at each baby that Jon and Bran grabbed from under their mother with a mix of awe and disbelief. Jon couldn't wrap his mind around what those pups meant to him. To Robb, to Kyria.
In his head, the words of Kyria's lists resonate again and again, no longer an enigma, but more of an omen. A dark omen… He could almost hear them inside his head. Like a broken tune. Suddenly, Jon desperately wanted those pup to be a dream. A coincidence. Anything that meant Kyria hadn't dreamed them. That her dream couldn't become real.
But he knew, dip down, those pups were the proofs they were waiting for. The coincidence was too great. For Kyria to react at the mention of Direwolves next to the Stark of Ancient times. For her to dream about warm tongue and little whimper around something equally small. Close to something bigger, warmer…
She had dreamed of those pups. Somehow she had dreamed of being one of those pups.
The only thing Jon could feel glad for was that at least those pups will prove to his sister that her dream is not a manifestation of some kind of madness invading her mind. She was sane. Just extraordinary gifted. Those little things were going to prove it to her.
Then, just as Jon was slowly calming himself and trying to find a way to deal with the discovery, he found the seventh one. A little pup, as white as fresh snow, and as silent as a ghost.
His heart stopped.
"The runt of the litter!" Theon moced behind him "That one's yours Snow."
Jon felt a cold chill on his back. His eyes were locked to the pup's red ones. The only one with eyes opened. Every single one of Kyria's words echoed inside his head, from the day she told him everything.
I think of something every time I look at you.
What is it?
White Wolf
"White wolf..." he said out loud.
The pup's nose twitched and his tiny tail waved on his back. He wiggled on his hand and Jon pull him close. His little tongue immediately attacked his chin with enthusiasm.
The heat of his little body didn't warm up Jon's frighted self.
Again, Jon looked at Robb. He had a pup on his arms, bigger than Jon's and who was just as enthusiastic in his greeting of what seemed to be his new master. His brother's face was pale. Jon didn't have to look at him in the eyes to know the same thought was on their minds.
Jon stayed pensive for all their travel back to Winterfell. Robb glanced at him several times, looking as lost as he was. The three pups the young lord took with him were sleeping in a bigger ball of fur between his legs. He kept them secure with one of his hands.
When they entered the courtyard of the castle, Kyria was waiting for them. Her flushed face lights up at the sight of the baby direwolves in their arms. She almost jumps into Robb, who keeps his eyes on the babies.
"What have we here?!" she chirped with excitement.
"Direwolves," responded Father. "Call your siblings Kyria, Robb will explain everything."
Kyria executed, without losing her smile even for a minute. Her gaze finds Jon's. He tried to smile to her but he didn't really share her enthusiasm. She looked at the white little ball in his arms and her smile shade off a little. Multiple emotions crossed her face in one second. Too many for Jon to understand them all. A tear escaped as she ran to the others. Why was she crying?
In the blink of his eye, Jon found himself in lord Stark's solar, with every one of his siblings happily chatting around the babies. The pups were all rolled in a pile of little furballs, whining a little and sniffing each other's fur.
Robb already had his on his laps, and Jon's little white ball was stubbornly hidden in his neck.
Robb explained how there was one pup for everyone. Arya immediately eyed Jon's white one.
"Don't think about it Arya," said Kyria, an exited Rickon flapping on her lap. "This one is Jon's."
"How do you know? Maybe he'll like me better!" responded the little girl, a fierce expression on her face.
She looked ready to try the challenge.
"He seems to like Jon just fine." noticed Bran, the closer to the wolves.
She just made one step in his direction when Ghost snaps his head and looked at her.
"Oh Her eyes!" squealed Sansa, looking slightly frightened by the red orbs of the baby.
"It's a male," said Jon, not looking at the redhead girl.
"He's an albino" explained Kyria.
"He looks scary." pouted the redhead.
"He looks fierce!" said Arya, reaching out to grab the pup.
The little thing climb higher on Jon's neck and try to hide inside his hair.
Theon, still in the room laughed brightly.
"Look at that! He likes your hair as much as you Snow! You are the perfect match after al"
Jon ignored him.
Kyria giggles at the disappointed expression on her sister's face. The pup was pretty clear in his choice of human.
It didn't take long for every Stark child to chose his own pup. Bran grabs the light brown baby who yawned at the attention and nested closely in his arms. He looked more proud than anything Jon ever saw in him. Rickon decided the black one was to be his, and hastily jumped out of Kyria's lap. The little thing grabbed the boy's finger in his small jaw and chewed on it with determination. Not hurt for one bit, the little boy giggled.
The quiet little she-wolf won Sansa's heart with one flip of her little tail. Obviously, Arya put all her attention on the wild one. The pup scratched her hand when she tried to hold her. Arya giggled and keep her close to her. Strangely, seeing that her attempt to escape failed, and that this little human was still determined to stay close to her, she calms down, and let the girl do as she pleased.
As for Kyria, once Rickon deserted her knees, she sits on the floor, in front of the last pup. He was a shade lighter than Robb's one, and his eyes were still closed, as the majority of his litter. Without a fuss, he let himself being held by the girl's gentle hand. She held him in front of her face and looked at him with Stars in her eyes.
After a moment, she smiled.
"Hello, Frost," she whispered with the sweetest voice Jon ever heard from her. " I was waiting for you."
Just like before, Jon couldn't miss the tears falling from her eyes. And just like the last time, he didn't know how to interpret it.
TBC.
So? Opinion? Like? Dislike? Don't hesitate! I don't bite!
And review is kind of my only salary so… be generous * puppy eyes*
*snort *
Anyway! Next chapter I start messing around with the original story. I mean… more than I already do. Heh.
You'll see ;)
Thank you for reading and I'll see you next time! (I have no idea when so…)
Bye!
Rubyy.