A/N

I STRONGLY urge you guys to read this chapter to the end!

It was four in the morning and my bestfriend was the toilet once again.

I wanted to kill Fitz for doing this to me... again.

I felt another wave coming as the acid liquid came spilling out of my mouth and into the bowl.

My heaving must have woken Fitz up because he was next to me rubbing my back and trying to readjust the pony tail that was in my hair.

I knew he did it all kinds of messed up but I didn't have the energy to fix it.

"You okay?" he handed me a bottle of water all while never skipping a beat rubbing soothing circles on my lower back.

I opened the water and took a sip.

"No" I said honestly.

"You wanna try some crackers."

I rolled my eyes. My patience has already been thin with him and I knew I was being a bitch but I really couldn't help it.

"No" I repeated.

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

Fitz trying to help went in three stages.

1) Are you okay?

2) Wanna try and eat something?

3) Anything I can do to help?

It was repetitive and annoying.

"Yeah let me get an abortion." I knew I should cool it with my attitude and start being nicer to my husband but my head really wouldn't let me.

"Fitz I didn't mean-"

"It's your choice, I am gonna lay down call me if you need me." Before I could object he was back in the room.

I stayed in the bathroom for another hour before I made my way back into bed searching for sleep.

Sleep didn't come easy and when I finally did sleep it wasn't for that long. Our appointment was scheduled at nine and I knew Fitz would want an answer.

We got Lilly ready and dropped her off at her grandmothers before we made our way to the doctors office.

We didn't tell Lilly about the baby because I knew I wanted an abortion and I didn't want to have to explain to her the whole situation. Fitz's reasoning was he wanted to make sure we made it past a certain point ot make sure I wouldn't miscarry he was still holding on to this illusion that I would try and have this baby.

"Olivia Grant" The nurse led us back to the exam room and I got on the exam bed. Fitz looked nervous I could tell by the beads of sweat forming on his brow bone even though it was rather cold in the room.

I didn't know if he was nervous for what the doctor was going to say or me. I gave his hand a reassuring squeeze before Dr. Greene came in.

"Mr. and Mrs. Grant how are we today?" Martin had been our doctor since we were pregnant the first time. He didn't need caught up on the history of my hostile uterus. Which is why I hated the formality of his tone.

"Liv and Fitz how many times do I have to tell you Martin." He was family at this point.

He smiled at me and pulled me into a hug. "My favorite pain in the ass patient."

He stretched his hand out for Fitz who shook it "Hey Martin how ya been?"

"Hey Fitz, ive been good busy with work."

We all smiled before he jumped into the appointment.

"Alright so you think you are pregnant. Do I need to take blood?" He knew I was a doctor and I would have already ran my blood.

"No" He smiled at me.

"How far along do you think you are?" He asked probably to figure out if he needed to do a vaginal ultrasound or not.

I hadn't thought about that. I could tell Fitz was doing the math in his head so I decided to as well.

We use to fuck like rabbits, that was a truth but in the past few months we really haven't. We coud get in a few heavy petting session but that was it nothing to crazy before Lilly would interrupt us. Not that either of us had been in the mood really, we had been fighting way to much. The last time we were intimate had to have been moths ago at this point. The night Lilly got a fish, that part I rememeber vivdly. That was a little over two minths ago.

We really hadn't had sex in that long?

Fitz met my eyes and I knew that he had about the same number as me.

Were we really that far disconnected.

"Guys?" Martin chuckled interuptiing our staring contest.

"Uh yeahs sorry… about two months." Fitz stated rather sadly.

"Okay perfect." he grabbed the jelly and I rolled my shirt up.

"This might be a tad bit cold." He applied a generous amount on my lower belly and I winced. It really was cold.

Fitz grabbed my hand.

I didn't look at the screen there wasn't really a point.

Fitz instinclty gave my hand a squeeze so I knew the baby was okay as of now. He was smiling, his mouth slight agape and his left side was tugged up a little. It was like he was scared to be happy and excited like this might be snatched from him at any point.

Little did he know that I felt the same way.

Except this time I wasn't allowing some unknown force to do the snatching I was going to do it my self. Somehow I convinced myself that it was better that way.

The sound I have been dreading since I started getting morning sickness coud be heard.

It was defening, the heart beat was loud and fast.

Which was good, he or she was strong.

"Do you guys need pictures?"

"No" I said quickly shutting donw the yes that was on the tip of my husbands tongue.

Martin removed the wand from my belly and wiped the excess jelly off.

I rolled my shirt down and sat back up.

"So, we all know this is an extremely high risk pregnancy. You have gotten this far so that is good you are about 11-12 weeks pregnant. I suggest that at sixteen weeks we do a Cerlege. That were we-"

"I know what it is you don't have to explain it." Martin knew I was a doctor but sometimes I forget that Fitz didn't go to med school.

"What is it?" Fitz asked

"He wants to sew my cervix closed it lowers your chances of miscarrying." I stated in a huff.

"So we could schedule the appointment a month from now and everthing should go smoothly."

Should go

"You don't need to do that." Fitz let go of my hand its like he knew what I was going to say next.

"Why? It could help your chances of carrying this baby to term?" Martin asked puzzled by my early statement.

"I would like to schedule an abortion." That threw Martin through a loop I could tell because he couldn't hide his feelings, they could be seen clear as day on his face.

"Olivia you are a doctor you know that you don't have to do this. The statistics of this pregnancy ending are lower because we are aware of your condition and doing the cerclage will help."

"What are the chances she looses the baby?" Fitz stepped in and asked.

"43% I know it isn't what you would want but you both have a fighting chance. I know how hard this journey has been but you guys have a chance." Martin smiled at me and I felt sick.

I looked at Fitz, he really thought I was going to change my mind.

"You're right it isn't what we wanted 43% isn't high enough for me I want the abortion." Fitz mumbled a thank you to Martin before storming out of the room.

"Liv, you know you really could carry this baby to term, The cerclage is a simple procedure with minimum pain. You could have the baby you have always wanted why would you pull the plug on that?" He went to grab my hand but I snatched it away before he could.

"I want this and as my doctor you can either do it or I will find another doctor who will." I spat out harshly. He physically flinched at my words.

"Okay Mrs, Grant if this is what you want then I can see you here tomorrow at the same time for the procedure. You will of course have to meet with the counseler and get cleared before we start."

"Thank you." I grabbed my purse and jacket and made my way out of the exam room. I walked into the waiting room and I couldn't find Fitz, I checked the bathroom in hopes he stopped in there but still nothing.

I decided to go wait outside for him at the car even though it was cold and my feet were already hurting from these stupid heels I still insisted on wearing.

About half way to the car I spotted him leaning against my door on the car.

"I scheduled the procedure for nine tomrow." I stated before he moved himself off the door and opened it for me.

I slipped in and buckled my seat belt.

He got in soon after me and we began the drive home.

We didn't talk and it was beginning to get awkward.

"Is there a reason you stormed out of the room?" I asked angrly and breaking the silence.

"Yeah, sorry abut that." He mumbled glancing at me before turning his attention back to the road.

"You said this was my decision." He did say that so why was he acting like this.

"I know and it is. I may not like you resolution but its your body and you are my wife. So here I am."

I was going to say something else but he turned the radio on ending our argument.

We went by and picked up Lilly. It was suppose to be our day off and we were going to go out for dinner but Fitz detactched himself from me.

We barely talked for the rest of the night.

The day sped by and before I knew it Fitz was tucking Lilly into bed.

He took longer than expected and I must have been asleep when he got back in the room because I didn't hear him come in.

The next morning Fitz went into work at six so I got Lilly ready for her day and dropped her off at her grandmothers. He didn't talk to me at all when he got up this morning. Normally he would leave a note by the coffee pot if he left before I was up but today there was no note.

I didn't even know if he would be at the appointment but I cleared that out of my head and drove myself to the office.

I walked in and went straight to the receptionist.

"Hi my name is -"

"Olivia" Martin called my name and I turned to look at him.

"Come on back here" he waved me over.

So it begins.

Fitz's POV

I left this morning before she woke up because I really needed some space.

I didn't think she would actually go through with this. That part hit me hard, her giving up was something I would have never thought about.

So I went to talk to the only person I knew.

"Hey what's up with you man?" Bryce hugged me tight.

I hugged him back.

"God it has been to long." We released each other and went into the restaurant.

"Tell me what has been happening with you?" Bryce opened his menu and started grazing the options.

"Mellie had my baby and Olivia is pregnant." I blurted out.

"WHAT?!" he practically yelled earning us stares from everyone in the reastraunt.

So I filled him in on everything.

Mellie.

Lilly.

Olivia's Mother.

and lastly Olivia's pregnancy.

Two hours later and several pancakes he was finally caught up.

"I leave you for six months tops and you are already going crazy?"

He laughed and took another bite of pancake.

"I have always been a mess what did you expect?"

"Let me make sure I got all this straight. So a girl shows up at your door step claiming to be Mellie's daughter and you find some long letter. Mellie killed herself Liv was on board with raising the girl... ugh Lindsay, no wait that isn't right Layla? nooo uh..."

"Lilly" I helped him out.

"Right so Lilly is your daughter and Liv was on board with it. Then her mother freaked out on her and then she said she didn't want kids. You guys got in a big fight. Somewhere in there you guys banged and now she is pregnant and that would be great news, should be great news except she wants and abortion?"

"Yes, you got it all"

"Fit that's really messed up man. I am so sorry."

He gave me a sad smile.

"I didn't call you here to pity me I need you to tell me what to do."

"Right sorry, well Fitz your vows are for better or for worse and I am afraid right now you are in the worse part. That really sucks but you cant just walk away because she is getting an abortion. What Olivia has to go through to carry a baby is strenuous you and I will never understand that. With that said she doesn't know how bad it was for you when you lost Teddy."

I flinched at the name. Bryce was the only person I told the name of my still born son too.

"I saw you that night you were a mess. But she didn't, she doesn't know about your pain because you both are to stubborn to actually talk about it. I think you guys need a counselor. You both cant go on like this especially with Lilly in the house. If I had a girl like liv I wouldn't ever make her feel like she was alone. I know that wasn't your intention but." He checked his watch.

"Right now Olivia is in a cold room with sterile equipment around her hoping that you would walk through the door and be her husband. You don't have to like the decision Fitz but you cant just let her do it alone. She is scared and alone and she needs you"

His words hit me like a ton of bricks.

"I gotta go you're right." I took some cash out my wallet and threw it on the table. It was probably way to much but I didn't care.

"Call me later" I heard Bryce yell before I left the reatraunt.

I broke almost every traffic law trying to get to her.

I shouldn't have left this morning. I cursed myself out for that dumb childish decision.

I know Bryce was right when he said that we needed counseling. Regardless Olivia was really scared and I acted like I could care less. That is something I would never forgive myself for.

I pulled into the parking lot like a mad man and parked accidently taking up two spots. I ran as fast as I could until I reached the receptionist desk.

Sweaty and out of breathe I panted out "Olivia Grant"
It took the nurse a second to fully understand what I was saying.

"I'm sorry sir she was already taken back"

My heart stopped, I was too late.

I ran my hand through my hair and backed against the wall.

"Dammit" I said out loud as I slid down the wall. I kept my hands on my head and tried to cam myself down.

She needed me for better or for worse and I backed out. What was wrong with me, this whole time Olivia has been selfish in my eyes but honestly how could I expect her to go through this again? She connects with each and every baby she has ever carried, a piece of her goes with them and that is something I couldn't comprehend.

I wasn't even close to done beating myself up about being late.

"Fitz?" I jerked my head up to her.

It was like I saw her in a different light now. She was broken down. She looked worn out and I silently yelled at myself for causing her any stress. She was wearing my t-shit and some leggings with her hair pulled back into a tight pony tail. I knew the second we got home she would take it down because it would give her a headache.

Her eyes were puffy and her face had fresh tears rolling down them. She was crying and that killed me.

"Livvie, I am so sorry I am late I tried to get here as fast as I could I'm so sorry you had to do that alone" seconds later she was in my arms and hugging me for dear life.

"I am so sorry Fitz" she cried harder and everyone was staring at us but I really didn't care.

"No don't apologize really. It's okay I understand why you couldn't do it." I whispered in her hair.

She pulled back from me but kept her hands around me.

Our faces were inches apart.

"No, I didn't do it Fitz." She whispered to me.

My hands went to her cheeks and I wiped the tears away.

"I thought it would be better if I did it on my terms instead of something happening and this being ripped away from me but it isn't just me. It's you too and I cant do that. I cant do that to you and no that isn't the only reason I didn't do it. I really want a baby with you Fitz. I am just really scared and I need you to be patient with me and ignore me when I m being bitchy because I am really fucked up and I cant do this on my own. I wish I told you this all sooner but I just want you to stay okay? Just please don't leave me because I almost did this really dumb thing, just... I promise I can be better. I will be better because we only have seven months to get ourselves ready. I think I can do this, I know I can have a healthy baby 43% isn't exactly good but it isn't bad and I just-"

She was rambling.

"Livvie baby" I laughed letting the few tears that had built in my eyes fall.

"You didn't do it?" I looked into her eyes and she just smiled back at me.

"I didn't do it Fitz"

A/N Hoped you guys enjoyed this chapter. Olivia in my head would NEVER have an abortion in my head. However she really needs to see a therapist because she is low key fucked up. Don't worry she will be seeing a therapist as well as Fitz. Bryce is a really close friend to Fitz, don't worry you will get a back story there too. Liv changed her mind I will go into what she was feeling when she was alone in the procedure room too. The lack of Lilly in this chapter is sad but don't worry she will be back. Hope you guys enjoyed leave a review I love reading your comments even the hateful ones :) Until next time.

~D