Chapter 2 - Skinny
JT's POV
Finally, after a long day at school, I can finally just hang out with Toby and forget it all. I guess I'm just happy Kendra might break up with him, as bad as that might sound. I mean, I know I don't have a chance and all, but-
"Uhh, JT?" Toby asks as I realize I've just been standing at the edge of my door, staring in looking at him.
"Sorry, sorry. Hey, wanna spend the night?"
"Sure. So what do we do now?" To answer that I just turn on the TV in my room and put in a horror movie, and then get junk food from my secret stash. Yep, I know I'm a slob.
"Horror movies, really? You always get scared and once you even jumped onto my lap." He teases, and I feel my face heat up. I did that on purpose, plus I was actually freaking terrified.
"Yeah, yeah." I smile and climb on the bed next to him. We spend the night watching movies, and I may or may not have hogged all of the junk food, not that he wanted any anyway. I didn't think much of it. I also may have purposely cuddled up to him and pretended I was scared. He didn't push me off.
Eventually, he fell asleep. He looked so adorable, and he looked tired earlier anyways because his eyes were red. I simply kiss his forehead, because obviously he won't know if he's asleep. Then I drag him to the part of the bed where you're actually supposed to sleep. He wraps an arm around me in his sleep, and I can't really move, so I just put one of my arms around him. I tried to keep my eyes from closing, but I was just so comfortable...
A few hours later
Toby's POV
I woke up, I didn't realize I had fell asleep. I remember being at JT's place, and being thankful he didn't offer me any food. Because he was already suspicious, but it must've slipped from his mind. Where is he anyway?
I get my answer when I realize he's laying next to me, and we're cuddling. Cuddling. His embrace is warm and comforting, and I like it. But I'm not supposed to...
I'm not supposed to like this, right? He's a guy, I don't like guys. And he's my best friend! Does he even know what's happening!? I start slightly panicking and move his arm off of me, which wakes him up.
"Hey, sorry, I guess we were talking and fell asleep like that." Of course it's not a big deal to him. He probably didn't care if he woke up in his best friends arms, but I did! I liked it! Does that mean I like JT?
I almost start crying thinking about this. He doesn't like me like that! He would hate me! I would lose my best friend! Calm down, maybe I don't like him. Then why do I feel this way? He'd never date anyone like me, I'm a bad person. I'm a nerd, and I still haven't reached my goals of being thin. I'm still...fat...
"Are you okay?"
No. I really wanna kiss you right now. Ugh! I can't with these thoughts!
"Y-yeah I'm fine..." I can't help but glance down at his lips. Dammit! I can't like him!
"Are you sure? Because-" I cut him off. I need a minute to be alone.
"Yes JT, I'm fine! I'm just gonna go to the bathroom." I get off his bed and head down the hallway into his bathroom. And no, I'm not going to purge, my stomach is empty and I like the way it feels. If it hurts, it's working.
I go into the bathroom and shut the door as I try to process what just happened and what I just realized.
It's all too much. I can't handle it. I can't handle the fact that I might like JT. No, maybe I just liked he comfort. But I thought about kissing him! And if it were someone else...even Kendra...I wouldn't have liked it...
It's all too much. I start crying and I feel like I can't breathe.
I don't even notice JT open the door and come in only to see me in a complete mess. I'm so stupid.
"Toby?" He sounds concerned as he kneels down next to me, and to my surprise, he wraps his arms around me. It's so comfortable...and I can't help but let him. He starts running his fingers through my hair. It's so soothing, and it calms me down. For the first time, that damn voice in the back of my head isn't the one doing that.
"Toby...when's the last time you ate something?" I don't answer. I don't know how he caught on, I guess I'm more of an idiotic waste of space than I thought.
"Toby!" He sounds concerned as I guess he can tell I meant a while. He doesn't need to know that when I do eat, I throw it up.
"Are you starving yourself again?" His eyes start to water up, and I look at him in confusion. Why is he so upset?
"I-...I just want to be perfect..." I whisper. I don't add the fact that I think he's perfect.
"You already are! You can only starve so much until you die! You can't die! Don't do this Toby! You're already so, so perfect the way you are! I can list a million things! Like your eyes, for example. You've got the prettiest eyes and lashes that I've ever seen! You're not fat, okay?" I can't believe he thought I was perfect.
"Please eat...if not for yourself...then do it for me..." He sounds so desperate. I have no choice but to say I will try. And I will. I have to do it for him.
"I'll try...I'll try for you..." he hugs me again, tighter. I hug him back, and it's so weird that I do like it...
Mirror, mirror on the wall
ruthless to your victim
Suiting you becomes my love
tied to my reflectionHunger takes a hold of memaking my decisionsGlossy fashion magazines will feed my new addiction
-
Hiding in my baggy jeans
No one knows my secret
Hiding from the eyes that see
I have been defeated
Mirror, mirror on my wall
Ruthless to your victim
Suiting you is all i know
A slave to my reflection