Chapter 3 - Ana

Toby's POV

Over the weekend, I kept my word that I would try to eat. I did, and I felt satisfied. But then satisfaction turned to guilt, and the feeling that I'm fat. And I ended up going to the bathroom, turning the water on so no one would hear, and getting rid of all of it. I didn't want too, but it's like I was addicted. This morning, I managed to force down one waffle with nothing on it. I felt sick, but I managed to keep it down.

I walk up to school, happy to see JT. So happy that I almost forgot about Kendra.

"So you didn't show up! We're over! I never wanted a loser like you anyway!" She yelled as she walked up to me. She shoved me again, harder this time.

I was honestly shocked. She actually broke up with me over this?

Maybe she's right...I am a loser. I don't even respond as I walk away, and I don't realize where I was going until I got there. I was standing in the boys bathroom, staring at the mirror. What was I doing eating? I probably gained a bunch of weight!

I no longer had a girlfriend, and no one else would ever want me. Unless I was perfect. Unless I was weightless. I knew exactly what I had to do. I walk in one of the stalls, and kneel down next to the toilet. I don't care if anyone hears or not. They can't stop me from being perfect. From being weightless.

So I shove two fingers down my throat, and I felt relief.

JT's POV

I had saw Kendra shove Toby, and he walked off. I don't know if that was a fight or a full on break up, but whatever it was, she treats him like trash. He deserves better. He deserves someone who likes him for who he was.

Oh wait, I just realized I could follow him and asked him what happened. I follow the direction he was going, even though there was a lot of hallway traffic. I finally figure out he went into the bathroom, and I walk in.

I almost call out his name, but before I can even speak I'm cut off by a sound...

The sound of someone throwing up...

No, no!

I run to the stall I heard it from, and thankfully it's halfway open so I can see it.

Or maybe it's not a good thing. It hurt to see my crush forcing himself to throw up.

"Toby! Stop! You don't gotta do that!" I shout as I pull him up. I want to slap him and hug him at the same time.

"Why did you do that?" I practically screamed. I don't think he sees how much this worries me.

"Because Kendra broke up with me! She was the only one who liked me! She said I was a loser! Now leave me alone!" Toby pushes past me and tries to walk out but I grab his arm. He can't leave!

"Don't do this to yourself!"

"And why not, huh? No one cares! There's nothing wrong with what I'm doing! I'm making myself skinny and perfect!" I can hear the pain in his voice. That can't be how he really feels, can it?

"No! I care about you! It's scaring me that you do this!" I want to tell him how I feel so bad, but it might make things even worse. He doesn't even realize how much I care about him. And I don't think he realizes how thin he's already gotten. You can't see his bones, but it's not normal.

"Leave me alone JT! No one even likes me, not like Kendra did!"

"I do! In fact, I like you more!" I accidentally blurt out. He looks at me for a minute, before walking out.

"Toby!" I try to follow him, he looks so dizzy. I notice a few people notice how dizzy he seems, and then he passes out. I run to him and try to wake him up. People gather around and start whispering. They sound worried.

Luckily, he wakes up and notices all of us around him. He gets up and starts to walk away. Good thing a teacher saw him, and me and her walked to him.

"Toby, are you okay? When's the last time you ate?" She asks, and Toby rolls his eyes at that.

"Today. Can you both leave me alone now?" We don't even get a chance to respond as he walks down the hallway.

"JT, come to my office." That's when I realized it was the counselor who's supposed to help with this stuff. I guess it's good thing she saw.

I follow her back to her office, and sigh as we both sit down.

"Do you know what's going on with Toby?" She asks. I guess I should tell her if I really want to help him.

"I guess...well...I found out a couple of days ago he wasn't eating...and I noticed that he's...well he's not skin and bones yet but...it's not normal...he always looks tired and angry and...before he fainted I had caught him throwing up..." She listens and she looks concerned.

"It seems to me like he has an eating disorder. Maybe both anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa. I'm going to call his parents. You can go back to class." I thank her and leave. He needs help and I can't help him by myself. He might hate me for telling someone about about him, but I'd rather him alive and hating me than dead.

Reel em in on farther in

Imagine my reflections thin

Pull that measuring tape tighter

Wishing to be thin and lighter

This is what Ana's done to me

Taking away my personality

I'm imprisoned my self hate

There's no escape

-

I'm disgusted when I feel myself

Can't handle this I need some help

This hopeless life does not drown me

Ana please hurry up and kill me

I'm becoming insanity

Lost my friends and my dignity

Sleepless nights and low self esteem

Is it worth it just to be me?