Disclaimer: Again, I don't own anything or anybody except Tomoko, her family, and Nagareboshi Cafe. Any concepts/ideas mentioned in this fanfiction that seem to be borrowed from another media/piece of continuity — note that I don't mean to plagiarize anything or anybody in any way! This fanfic was made for entertainment purposes, not for pissing off others! So yeah!
For those who have already skipped ahead to the title, yes, the theme this time is Porter Robinson and Madeon's own Shelter. The original music video works just as fine, though I will also refer you to Kyle Landry's own piano cover of the song, since this is meant to be a transition chapter for future plot threads. Ufufufu… :d
At the same time, for those of you looking for a happier version of the original song, there is also the Ghibli Orchestra Edition of Shelter done by Seycara—The Anime Orchestra.
Why did I choose these three specific videos, you ask? Well…considering the subject of the original video and its lyrics, I find that Shelter fits the themes of this chapter the best.
After all, a certain reincarnated girl always wanted to help her friends out as they did her as a lonely student a long time ago, right?
Please enjoy!
Chapter 53: Shelter
The first thing that registered when waking up was breathing against the top of my hair. Everything felt somewhat foggy, as if a mist had overtaken everything, and it took a moment for sensory input to settle in. I didn't know if it was the stress from yesterday or something else, but I could definitely say that I still felt tired as heck when opening my eyes for the first time that morning. The sunlight felt painful to look at, and definitely signaled an alarm of, "New day arising—time to get up!" when all I wanted to do was rest and not even think about moving. It was one of those days.
Hisako was mumbling to herself, apparently lounging on a nearby armchair while leaning her head back, snoring. Perhaps sleep talk? Could…could other selves do that kind of thing?
A small yawn was already leaving my mouth before a hand squeezed my waist.
Wait…a hand?
I rubbed my eyes, trying to get any crust out before looking up and getting a glimpse of—
Heat was already flooding my face when it finally went through my head.
"Nngh," A sleepy Kakashi went dully, not even opening his eye at my apparent movement and only scooting over to snuggle me closer as a response. That explained the hand on my waist, so, the breath—
Oh dear lord.
Oh dear lord, Kakashi was hugging me in his sleep, wasn't he? The breath brushing my head, the warm heat hugging my entire front, the lack of any moving space as his arms tightened around me…
When was the last time we had done this? Be so close, even in sleep?
Did I…Did I even deserve it?
A chin lightly rested on top of my hair, and I only tilted my head upwards to feel Kakashi's breathing as he continued to snooze on, not even deterred by my wiggling. In fact, now that I think about it, this was the most peaceful I had seen him since coming back from Kannabi, and—
Fwaaaaaaagh.
I tried not to jolt in place. Hisako?
Morning, Tomoko-chan…! My other self apparently didn't notice the situation yet since she was stretching her arms out like an eagle. What's bothering you this ti—Ohhhhh. She smirked while hiding a giggle behind her hand. She finally noticed. Great. Look at you, making a move, Tomoko-chan, you sly vixen— Hisako stopped once Kakashi stirred.
Frick. What did I—
I wiggled around again, more tentatively this time, once he started to mumble. A second later, and then that silver eye was opening up and looking around suspiciously above my head. It was almost like he was surveying the area, far too disgruntled to be handling the next day, before resting his head back on the pillow. "Ugh," he grunted, already sounding grumpy before shifting slightly. "It's morning already."
Before I could say anything, he looked down and I found myself making eye-contact. Immediately, the slight furrow in his eyebrows relaxed as he gave me an eye smile. "Good morning, Tomoko."
Meep.
"G-Good morning?" I couldn't help but phrase it as a question. "Are you okay, Kakashi?"
"Still tired," emphasized with a small yawn at the end of the statement, "but okay." Kakashi leaned in again, and I found myself getting pulled close once more for a tighter hug as my nose brushed the crook between his neck and shoulder. "You?"
I thought on it. My heart definitely didn't feel as heavy as it was yesterday, but my head was still fuzzy with lingering doubts. What would be a good word for this?
Hisako raised up a cue-card that simply said, "Go for it and be honest."
…Yeah, I dunno if that was really helpful. Nonetheless, I ended up taking her advice because I couldn't think of anything else. "Okay?"
I know, I know, it wasn't the best answer I could give. But I didn't know how else to phrase it. I wasn't worse off by any means, but considering yesterday, I wasn't in the greatest place either. I was technically at a fork in the road, if that was a proper metaphor for the mess my emotions were making in my ribs right now. "I don't really know, Kakashi." Frustrated from a lack of really anything else, I just ducked my head to snuggle closer. Essentially, I was attempting to bury myself in what really was a warm "grave" if anything. Hide away like the pathetic person I was. "I'm sorry I can't say much else."
Kakashi hummed thoughtfully as a response, and it didn't take long for him to hug back with a tighter grip, a soft masked kiss pressing to the top of my head. "Alright," he mumbled, and I tried not to flush red from the gesture. "Do you want to sleep in, or do something else?"
Something else?
My voice cracked with the confusion. "What can we do, Kakashi?"
He raised an eyebrow at me, glint in his eye.
I didn't like the look.
"If it's anything sexual, that's a no." I said immediately.
Kakashi immediately pulled back, still hugging me, but looking as affronted as he could, mask and all. "Why were you thinking that?" he said incredulously.
I didn't know how to respond aside from a measly shrug. Perhaps Hisako's sarcasm was affecting me, or just the stress from the previous day, or even the cold air coming in despite the warm futon blanket covering us both. Still, I couldn't even muster a laugh in return. My mouth felt dry in spite of my licking my lips to moisten them.
Kakashi only shot me a look before resting his chin on top of my hair again. "…Yesterday really got to you, huh."
I tried not to wince.
Bulls-eye, Hisako said mournfully. Tomoko-chan…
Kakashi huffed a deep, long sigh this time, cutting off any reply I was thinking of. "Anyways." His grip on my waist still stayed firm, despite how much fidgeting I was doing. When I inclined my head up to look at him, that same silver eye glanced down with a soft, reassuring glint. Perhaps an eye smile? "I was thinking we could prepare breakfast together. Before anyone else woke up, I mean."
"Breakfast…?" I echoed slowly. "What kind?"
It was then that Kakashi kissed my head once more through his mask, and despite the warmth of the gesture, I couldn't help but feel a little apprehensive. Ninja were known to plan things, usually devious things, and knowing my boyfriend…well, you can't blame me. Especially when considering his canon self towards Team Seven. Not helped by how my—Vy's previous boyfriend was a huge teasing troll, after all. She always found all the teasing dorks. "You'll see," he shrugged once, then sat up slowly from the futon, taking me up with him thanks to the hug, smiling all the same. "Let's just get dressed."
I was still surprised that Obito and Rin hadn't stirred with all of our talking. It was whispering, technically, but my point still stood in some way.
My reply ended up coming out soft and uncertain, my hands clenching the front of his T-shirt. "…Okay."
I wanted to at least trust him.
By the time we were walking out to a nearby river in one of the Training Grounds, I was trying not to shiver at all the cold winds going around. It was probably a bad choice to don the blue-white ruffled sundress that Mama made me, since an early spring morning meant everything was still chilly. My arms were completely exposed, and if not for the long skirt part covering my legs, my legs would've felt the same cold. Brrr.
Sure, the sunlight helped, but considering how it was still early morning, it was only peeking through the foliage of nearby evergreen trees. My Wayfinder necklace didn't really help matters, since it being made of metal meant it being just as cold without me keeping a constant grip.
Kakashi, on the other hand, didn't seem all that fazed, having put on his main ninja outfit. The only striking differences were the lack of arm guards on his hands, the leather straps that normally held Uncle Sakumo's tanto, and his headband, since he instead opted for long blue sleeves and nothing else. His silver Wayfinder glinted from his right hand every time the sun hit it, so I tried not to look in that direction for the sake of avoiding the sun's glare. On the other hand, his Sharingan eye was closed, but it seemed alright.
The only thing I wanted to question was…well…
"Kakashi?"
He didn't turn around, only going a small, "Hm?"
"Why are we…" I raised the large orange bucket in my hands, trailing off before fumbling. "Why are we going out fishing?"
With my question out in the cold spring air, Kakashi merely shouldered what looked like Uncle Sakumo's old fishing rod, line dangling behind his head as he continued walking. From the looks of it, he was trying to find a proper spot to put everything down. "For breakfast."
"Breakfast?" I repeated, disbelief already filling my voice. "Wait…" The lightbulb went off as soon as Hisako facepalmed. "Kakashi, you know how to fish?"
Tomoko-chan… Hisako bemoaned dryly between her fingers. He's a Jounin and field-ninja, remember?
Uh.
"Dad taught me," he continued evenly, glancing around once more before nodding. Apparently, he wasn't minding any of my antics? Or he didn't notice the mental cartwheeling I was doing now from Hisako pointing out my dense-rock head, since he didn't look in my direction with a funny face. "Okay then, this should be it."
Whoops. I was close to spacing out again.
To make up for my little mess-up, I swiveled my head around too, only to blink. Where we were, we had a clearing of grass, with two centerpiece rocks big enough to double as seats, and the river shore was only centimeters away. Along with the large evergreen tree looming over our heads, this would've been a nice place to relax in. Kakashi saw it as a good enough place and was already leaning over to start setting up some bait on the fish hook. "Tomoko, bring the bucket over here. On my right."
"O-Oh, okay!" I went carelessly, giving him the bucket as instructed.
Kakashi finally glanced up at me with that silver eye when I did and gave me an eye-smile. "Thanks," he said, then turned back to the fishing rod, attaching what looked like an everyday earthworm onto the fishing hook. "Stand back for a second."
I did as he asked without thinking and watched as he reeled the fishing line in with a crank of the reel handle, swinging the line a few times. "Alright, it's tight," he muttered, then he swung the rod forward with a palpable amount of force, letting the hook fly.
Once the hook made a visible PLOP in the middle of the river, making ripples in its wake, Hisako started to cheer. Woooooo! Go, Kakashi! Still a badass even when doing something so mundane and boring!
I blinked. Hisako?
Hm? My Nobody only hummed. She was apparently enjoying herself. Somehow. What is it, dear?
Er…was that last comment really necessary? It's just fishing…
Considering how the original Sword Art Online made half an episode about fishing? Yes! And ninja almost always seem to make the mundane look kinda cool.
I tried not to roll my eyes before turning back to reality. Apparently, Kakashi had taken a seat on one of the rocks in the time I was talking with Hisako, looking out towards the horizon while keeping a hand on the fishing rod. "Tomoko, you don't have to stand over there." He patted the rock on his left side with his free hand. "You can come here."
For some reason, I couldn't help but feel hesitant. "…Are you sure?"
Kakashi gave me a sideways glance before patting the rock again.
Without questioning any more, I ended up sitting on the directed rock anyways, folding my dress under my legs before adjusting myself. The rock was comfortable, sure, but I didn't know what else to say. The wind was starting to feel nice with the shade receding for warm sunlight, the river flowed rather calmly, and…
A hand was wrapping around my shoulders and pulling before my head landed on someone's side. I didn't have to look up to know it was my boyfriend, but Kakashi still threaded his fingers through my hair, as if to remind me of his presence. Or was it meant to be comforting? He didn't say anything, only breathing softly while resting his head on top of mine.
I tried to relax, closing my eyes to take in the birds chirping for a moment. Then the question left me before I could think on anything else. "…Could this be considered as a date?"
Hisako choked. PFFFFFT-HA?!
The hand going through my hair paused, and Kakashi coughed. "P-Possibly," he muttered, and then I could hear the sound of the fishing line being adjusted with a crank of the reel. "It's better than sitting at home, right?"
I found myself smiling a little. "Yeah." My shoulders were already relaxing as soon as he started running his hand through my hair again. "Kakashi?"
His hand stilled again. "What is it?"
My heart swelled a level or so. I couldn't help but say it. It was probably getting repetitive, maybe even boring with how many times I said it in all the years we knew each other, but it was still the truth. Where would I be, without him? "I love you."
Kakashi nearly fell off his rock. I promptly found myself panicking, and fumbling with my hands in whatever direction they went in the air at this point, because out of anything I was expecting, I wasn't expecting that. He was okay with this yesterday!
"K-Kakashi?!" I ended up squeaking.
Before he fully adjusted himself back into a seated position, Kakashi only raised his right pointer finger in the air, Wayfinder and all. I took that as a sign to wait and held back the urge to reach out to him as he straightened himself. "Haaaah," was the best approximation of the exhale that left him, and then he was adjusting the fishing pole into a fixed position via the rocks. It took an extra moment for him to really get back to his previous seat.
"D-Did you have to say that just now?"
Oooooooh, I think I heard his voice crack, Hisako smirked. Tomoko-chan, you vixen, you!
Hisakoooooo. I'm not a vixen…!
Heheheh.
"I did," I replied to Kakashi, trying to relax and not feel guilty like all heck for making him lose his concentration. "Um, is that a problem? I can stop…"
My voice ended up cracking too.
BAHAHAHA!
Hisako's cackle really didn't help my mood.
Kakashi only groaned before face-palming. "Ugh," was all I could make out. Then, I could've sworn he was giving me the stink eye from what little cracks there were between his fingers, a glint of something in the silver. "Don't stop. Just," he sighed loudly before pulling at his mask, exposing his small frown. "At least be aware of the atmosphere, Tomoko."
"What atmosphere?" I went numbly. Apparently common sense was flying out the window now, since my mouth was moving before I could think any further. "Do you mean how it feels kinda cold outside or—"
Kakashi sighed loudly again, cutting me off while exposing the small fangs in his mouth with the motion. "The way you word that makes it really difficult for me to hold back from kissing you."
My face was already starting to turn on the heat like it was the middle of July. "…Oh."
"Oh," Kakashi parroted dryly, before pulling his mask back up and turning back to his fishing. He sighed again. "You're really dense when it comes to that kind of thing."
I blushed again. "I-I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize," the statement was accentuated with a tight tug on the fishing line. "You can't help being yourself."
"O-Oh, alright," I said again, more sheepish, and found myself getting a lump in my throat after that. What was I supposed to say? Hell, what was I supposed to be doing?
We were together, alone, out in the forest clearing, and fishing for breakfast.
I was supposed to be relaxed, so then why…
LUBDUB, LUBDUB, LUBDUB.
Why was my heart beating so hard?
My left hand was already clutching at the front of my dress, squishing some of the blue-ruffled collar. Please stop, please stop, please stop…
Inwardly, I could've sworn I heard Hisako yelp in surprise at something new popping up in the mindscape, but at that point, I wasn't even sure anymore.
The Wayfinder around my neck only jingled softly with my tight grip.
I didn't have to look up to know Kakashi was staring in my direction again. "You're still troubled." It wasn't even a question anymore. It was just a fact, and I already could see it coming without Hisako yelling.
GODDAMMIT, TOMOKO-CHAN, WHY DO SOME OF YOUR MEMORIES HATE ME— was one specific shout in the corner of my head.
Uhhhhh. Kakashi was staring at me, and oh god, please don't clue into my head, please don't. I'm kinda stressed, so they're acting out?
OH, NEVER MIND! I GOT IT! There was a sudden WHACK noise accompanied by a zombie groan of pain, and I immediately closed the door on that.
"Um," I said, only to cover my mouth, because gosh, I did not mean to say that out loud. "H-How can I—" I took a deep breath, because feeling Hisako's panic wouldn't help anything, especially when Kakashi was still looking in my direction for an answer. "How should I start explaining this—"
Because really, having absolutely nothing helped nothing!
"Tomoko." I stopped as soon as he said my name. It was almost instinctual to stop, and I already was ducking my head. "You don't have to explain anything."
Eh?
What did he just say?
A hand was resting on my hair now, and I looked up as soon as it pulled me close. I—oh gosh, Kakashi and I were now bumping foreheads, and when did he close the distance?
I couldn't help but squeak the words out anyways. "K-Kakashi, what are you doing?"
He blinked at me slowly, his eye half-lidded while pausing. It almost looked like he was distracted, or something along those lines. I quickly decided I wasn't sure what to make of that look. More so since he was starting to resemble Leo with the way he was staring at me, and since we had only been together in a relationship for roughly more than a week, I didn't know what word to use to describe it. Honestly, a part of me was shocked that he wasn't looking at me like I was dirt scraped off the back of his sandal and instead like I was the greatest present in the world. Why?
Why me?
Kakashi sighed softly, the breath brushing my nose while he closed his eye momentarily. "What am I doing, indeed."
"Um," my face was surely starting to heat up like a furnace again now. Like, why. I didn't need this right now! "S-Shouldn't you focus on the fish?"
Kakashi opened his eye to continue staring at me with that same half-lidded look. Meep. "The fishing line won't tighten until the fish take the bait, Tomoko. I have plenty of time to stare."
I held back a whimper of embarrassment, instead trying to hold his stare. "At me?"
"At the river, where else?" he deadpanned. "Tomoko, this is a place where you're supposed to relax. I didn't take you all the way out here so early in the morning just to see you close yourself away."
I couldn't help but wince at that. "I'm s—"
He raised a finger to my mouth. "Don't apologize again when you haven't done anything."
Left speechless once more for today, I nodded. He had yet another point in his favor.
Kakashi pulled his hand away, only to pull his mask down past his nose, exposing more of his face. "Tomoko." The last thing I was expecting was a soft Eskimo kiss as he rubbed noses with me. "Relax, okay?"
The new feeling had me giggle. Who knew noses could be ticklish? "O-Okay, it's just hard with you so close like that!"
He snorted. "How else can I close the distance without kissing you?"
I froze and blushed at that.
HE HAS A POINT, DEAR! ONCE AGAIN! Hisako yelled loudly behind the door. Another zombie groan sounded afterwards, and yeowch. That just sounded painful. And something I didn't want to touch with a ten-meter pole. OPEN UP!
I tried not to pale outwardly while replying. I-IN WHAT WAY?!
NOT THIS DOOR— emphasized with a loud knock towards the library door in question, BUT YOUR HEART, TOMOKO-CHAN! OPEN UP TO HIM! YOU CAN TRUST HIM!
Hisako, what—
IT'S. OKAY. HE. Another slam towards the door as a loud WHACK sounded behind the wood. LOVES. There was a loud SLAM. Then, I found myself freezing. YOU!
Hisa—
Outwardly, Kakashi only opened his eye a larger margin before sighing through his nose, cutting me off from my mental turmoil. "Tomoko, you can be honest with me. You don't have to stay here if you don't want to."
For some reason, I could already feel something in me snap.
Why, why, why? That same word continued to flood my head as Hisako grunted behind that same door.
TAKE THAT, TRAUMA, YOU SON OF A BITCH! DON'T YOU DARE THINK ABOUT HOLDING MY CHARGE BACK! The loud yell was quickly followed by a WHACK of what sounded like a Keyblade, but all I could focus on was one sentence.
Why me?
"K-Kakashi, it's not that!" I didn't even realize the fishing line had even caught something before Kakashi was focusing his full attention on me. "I-I don't want to leave!"
I don't want to leave you…
"Then what?" he prodded softly, pulling back only slightly to steady the fishing rod without even glancing away. "What is it?"
Of course this was coming. Of course it was. He was going to ask, and the glint in his eye just showed that he wanted an answer.
He was looking at me. Only at me.
I couldn't back out now. I couldn't.
But…but what…
YOU CAN DO IT, TOMOKO-CHAN! JUST TAKE IT BY THE HORNS AND DIVE IN!
Hisako…
The thumping behind that same library door paused. Even in the face of a zombie's dying groans, the voice turned soft. Hisako hummed. She wasn't yelling anymore. Tomoko-chan, it will be okay.
But…Hisako…
Trust me, dear. Trust Kakashi.
I gulped, ducked my head in the hopes that my bangs could hide my eyes, and said the question. It was quiet, soft, and I honestly didn't know what spurred it in the first place. But I said it anyways.
It was the least I could do to start.
"K-Kakashi, what if…just a what if. What if…if I was a reincarnation, a girl who had memories of another world, of another you, would you still—still be okay with me? Even if I might have played God in a place where I shouldn't have?"
I don't even know where that last sentence came from. All that I could note in my heart was dread, horror, and Hisako's continuing fight with whatever memory-thing had popped up.
The wind blew for a moment, alerting me to how quiet it was.
Then, Kakashi bumped his forehead with mine. "Are you being fucking serious right now?"
What?
The mental fighting Hisako was having suddenly stopped. D-Did he just curse?!
I looked up, and his eye was smoldering. Huh? Why did he look angry? "Tomoko, why—" he cut himself off with a sharp click of his tongue, almost as if he was displeased. "Out of all the things I was expecting to hear, you say that."
Eh?
"Tomoko. Just, why…" Kakashi bumped my forehead again with his, harder. Ouch. "Why are you making yourself out like someone who's not supposed to be here?"
My blood turned cold.
Isn't it the truth? A dark part of me went.
"Reincarnation…" Kakashi paused, pulling away for a moment before poking my forehead with his right pointer finger. "If that's the case, all this time, it would mean you would have lived another life, but you wouldn't have remembered anything from the previous one."
"U-Uh-huh," I said, mouth too dry to say anything else. He was being too rational, too calm.
Why wasn't he yelling at me?
"But from the sounds of it," Kakashi held his chin in his left hand while using his right to hold the fishing rod, turning away to think. Was he doing it aloud? "You do remember that previous life, and it worried you all this time, didn't it. Because you felt like it defined you too much to properly enjoy being here."
Even if he was pondering, or even wondering — he was right on it. All of it.
"Y-You…" I didn't even realize my voice cracking. "You don't mind?"
He turned back to me with an incredulous stare. "Tomoko," and ow, he was bumping my forehead again. Why my head? Was it really that hard? Was it really that dense? "Don't you remember when I confessed to you? I already had a feeling. This just confirms it. I wasn't expecting outright Reincarnation, but from all the things I've seen, it's…" he paused, chuckling sheepishly in a way that reminded me of his Canon self, "something."
Oh gosh. My vision was starting to blur as a lump surfaced in my throat. "But—but I didn't tell you. I outright—" Oh gosh, now the onslaught of tears was coming on. Please, goodness gosh, don't…don't cry now, me. Please. "I-I outright lied to you. I didn't tell you anything, and just…just…"
And, frig, I was tearing up now. Goddammit.
I could've taken the place of another girl who deserved to be here more than I do…
Tomoko-chan.
Kakashi huffed softly for a moment. I didn't look up when the sound of rustling fabric followed. "Tomoko. Can you look at me?"
The request was quiet, almost unassuming. Still, I didn't want to look up. I didn't want to meet Kakashi's eye right now. Crying was already not on my to-do list after everything yesterday, yet here I was, literally walking on eggshells I wished I never had to walk in my entire new life.
Who knew that baring almost everything to someone could be so suffocating?
And, just why? Why did it have to be Kakashi? I loved him, but…
What if?
What if he didn't want me around anymore?
'Stop making yourself out like a weak mouse who needs to be protected!'
I couldn't help but hate myself for bringing up that memory. For letting an ex-friend from Vy's time still get to me now, even if they might be dead for all I know. For letting my past continue to control me.
Even when I had space, even when I had air, it felt like my lungs were constricting in on themselves, and I had to remind myself to breathe. Remind myself that I was alive, and real.
"Tomoko." Kakashi's voice again, saying my name, and it was still soft and quiet all the same. "Please?"
It was probably that last word that got me to looking up. Because really, hearing your own ninja boyfriend say that, so gently, it does something to you. Once I did so, tears and all, that silver eye softened. A forehead was bumping mine again, this time, gently, to not inflict any pain. "K-Kakashi…"
"Tomoko, it's okay." And for the first time this entire conversation, I could see him smile through his mask before he raised a hand to pull it down. His entire face was now exposed, at least, everything until his chin, but the smile was still there, and I couldn't help but feel frozen. "Can you copy me?"
Eh?
Before I could respond, he opened his mouth to inhale softly. His fangs glinted with the rising sunlight. "Like this."
Instinctively, I found myself taking in a long and shuddering breath.
The same smile stayed on his face, a bit shakier now. "That's it." He huffed the breath out, the gesture fanning my cheeks with warm air. "Just follow my lead, okay?"
I did. Kakashi continued to breathe in and out slowly, leaving what felt like an eternity for me to copy his gestures. The sun rose slowly through this entire process, and the wind started to turn warm as the air was, quite literally, being exchanged between the two of us.
I didn't even realize the tears had stopped until Kakashi reached over to kiss my forehead. "Hey," he said, his voice still soft.
"Mm," was my little whimper back. "Wh-what is it?"
Kakashi pulled away, his mouth apparently caught between a small smile and a tense line. "Tomoko. Can you answer this for me?"
"Eh?"
He leaned in enough for our noses to touch. "You can feel this, right?"
Unable to find words, I dully nodded.
Kakashi was smiling for real now. His right hand, his Wayfinder-covered hand, reached over to pull at my left, making it rest against his chest. "Can you feel that?"
I nodded again. Lubdub, lubdub, lubdub, lubdub, lubdub, went his heart through his ribs. Even with all of his ninja gear, I could feel it.
Kakashi inclined his head before guiding my left hand with his to rest on my own chest instead, my fingers barely missing the green metal outline of my Wayfinder necklace. "How about this?"
I closed my eyes instinctively, thinking on it.
Lubdub, lubdub, lubdub, lubdub, lubdub, went my own heart against my fingers.
My blood froze. The beat was almost the exact same, in both feeling and tone. I found myself inhaling sharply. The lightbulb had finally gone off, and somewhere, I could hear Hisako breathe a sigh of what sounded like relief.
There it is, she murmured softly.
Once I opened my eyes again, Kakashi's face was in front of me, and — and he was kissing me. It was light, almost delicate in the touch, but it was still real. The fact that Kakashi was kissing me, the fact that he was here with me, it was all real.
Before I could respond, Kakashi pulled away, breath fanning my cheeks. "Sorry for not asking," he murmured, and his voice seemed almost deeper somehow. An octave lower, really. He was still keeping eye contact with me, as if I was the only thing in the world he was focusing on. "But you felt that, right?"
The heat was coming back to my face, but I nodded, even with the tears bubbling in my eyes again. "Mm…Mm."
Kakashi was smiling, a more crooked of a smile this time before he leaned in, kissing me lightly on the lips once more. "If you weren't a part of this world, you wouldn't be able to feel this." His hand was still pressing mine against my chest. "Your heart wouldn't be beating like this."
Lubdub, lubdub, lubdub.
The tears were finally spilling over as I nodded for the umpteenth time, ducking my head. "Yeah…yeah…" The droplets were finally starting to hit my dress, soaking it slowly.
Another kiss was pressed to the top of my head. "You need to stop worrying about the 'what-ifs,' Tomoko. What I know is that I'll still love you. No matter what, I'll still stay with you. Reincarnation or not."
That was it. Those words, the honesty he used in saying them.
I don't even know if Kakashi realized that he said the one thing I wanted more than anything. Hell, if he knew that he said the only thing I ever really wanted. Still, the loud, gross-sounding sobs were already leaving my lips and he was pulling me into a warm hug, not even minding all the tears. "It's okay, Tomoko," his voice cracked, but he still hugged me tightly anyways, "It's okay."
"Yeah…I'm just—just happy…" What sounded like a cross between a laugh and a whimpering sob left my lips as the tears kept coming. "Thank you, Kakashi…thank you…"
Inwardly, Hisako only opened the door I kept closed, sighing softly. The Oblivion Keyblade clanked against the door wood, crackling all the while with some kind of energy, but she didn't seem to mind, smiling from what I could see inside. You did it, Tomoko-chan. Cry as much as you want. You more than deserve it.
I don't know how long Kakashi and I sat there, with me bawling as loudly as I could. In fact, this might as well have been the most I've cried in the entirety of my new life. It certainly felt like it. The tears, the yelling, it was all full of anger at myself for not letting myself have this before, happiness at finally having my wish come true, and shock at how things had turned out this way. Still, Kakashi never let go, only taking an arm away to focus on the fishing rod, but aside from that, he stayed.
He just stayed, holding onto me.
Once my throat was nearly hoarse from all the sobbing, I knew I couldn't squeeze any more tears out and pulled away as gently as I could. Mainly since I was trying not to wince at the certain large…well, no sugar-coating could really cover up the mess I made out of my emotional stint. The navy blue of Kakashi's shirt had turned almost a dark shade with how the tears had soaked in, and gosh, I did not want to think about all the snot that came out with this too.
I opened my mouth. "I-I'm so—"
Kakashi put a finger to my lips. "Don't apologize again." He was still smiling, despite the glint of what looked like tears in both of his eyes too. The closed Sharingan eye, and his normal silver one. "It's okay, Tomoko."
"When are you—" I sniffled in spite of the growing bit of teasing snark. Darn Hisako's influence. "When are you not okay with me?"
Pffft.
Kakashi snorted before leaning in and bumping my nose with his. "When you shut me out."
I didn't have a reply to that. Hisako didn't either. "Um, I'm—"
He kissed me again. My heart beat hard in response.
"Wh-what was that for?" I ended up squeaking out as soon as he pulled away, exactly a few seconds later.
"I'm just going to keep doing that until you stop apologizing so much," he said matter-of-factly, not even minding the apparent pink shading of his cheeks either. Or the fact that the fishing rod was shaking from its held place between our rock seats. "It's a bad habit of yours."
"Kakashi…"
"Tomoko…" he mimicked, smirk on his face.
Jerk. Dork. Ridiculous, trolling ninja.
I tried not to sigh in exasperation and found myself laughing hoarsely anyways. I was already whipped for this boy. If that saying still worked, even. "So, I'm guessing you're curious? About the past me?"
The smirk on his face dropped as a reply. I waited as he proceeded to cough whatever lump showed up in his system. Even when he turned back to the fishing rod, cranked the reel a little to bring in a biting fish, his tense shoulders said everything.
Inside my head, I could've sworn I heard another WHACK of the Oblivion Keyblade and a long, drawn-out groan. Tomoko-chan, you need rest. Why did you bring another bombshell?
Heat flooded my face again as the tears were drying on my cheeks. "Um," I said to fill in the silence, "Should I have brought a privacy seal?"
Kakashi sighed, a shuddering quality to the sound this time while turning his head to stare at me with a forlorn look. "…Tomoko, I wasn't expecting you to ask about that. Hell, I wasn't planning on asking today in the first place. That part of you is important if you never shared it until now. Precious, from the reactions you've just had earlier. You…" he paused, turning back to the fishing rod while reeling in another fish with the line. From the looks of it, he had pulled what looked like a medium-sized pike from the river, still shaking and all, before neatly throwing it into the nearby bucket. "You really want to share that? After all this? After everything?"
He sounded tired despite the hint of awe and shock in his voice. Despite not meeting my gaze.
Hell, I was probably tired too. Even with the warm sunlight and wind starting to come in to signify a brighter morning, the fact that the front of Kakashi's shirt still hadn't dried said enough.
Crying could only do so much. And in this situation, after Mama risking her life in front of the Hokage only to say a point, my friends coming back from Kannabi and hearing one of my secrets, I didn't even know if I had the capacity to be angry. If I could even yell or rant like Vy could anymore. If I was angry, if I could yell, it would all be at myself.
I should've said all this sooner.
Tomoko-chan—
I nodded anyways. Hisako didn't need to prompt anything this time. "You deserve to know, Kakashi. Even if I hate to admit it, that past is still a part of me. I feel like you need to know. Especially if we want this relationship to work." I took a breath. "And, and, y'know? I really want this to work. I don't want to hide anything anymore."
Even with my firm response, he still looked hesitant. "Tomoko…" It was probably the first time in a long time that he sounded so unsure, almost confused even, in spite of all of his ninja gear.
I ducked my head and considered. "How about this?" The fish flapped helplessly in the half-bucket of water they had as I licked my lips. "We bring the fish home, cook, and after breakfast and team bonding with Obito and Rin—" Kakashi snorted and rolled his eye at the last part, but I continued, "—we can get a moment in my room alone with a privacy seal to talk."
Kakashi huffed what sounded like a cross between another snort and sigh. "You realize there could be other implications in what you just said, right?"
A bird proceeded to soar over our heads with a loud squawk.
Dot, dot, dot.
My face started burning as Hisako laughed. BAHAHAHAH!
Yep. Either my Nobody or my boyfriend would be the end of me. All because of an implied innuendo of my own making.
"K-KAKASHI!"
"Heh." He was using that same, ridiculous smirk again, tiny canine fangs and all, before leaning over to peck my lips. "Love you too."
Dork. He was already starting to get some of Leo's old touch on my heart already.
I always did find and love the dorks.
Mama wasn't all that happy when we came back. More specifically, she was nearly scowling when I opened the main door past the staircase. Her face clearly read, "Where have you been," without her even needing to open her mouth, but once she focused in on my face and Kakashi's bucket of fish, the frown completely disappeared.
"Oh, Tomoko-chan," she sighed, pushing on the door more with her foot before putting an arm around my shoulders. She must have already noticed the tear stains. "Your silly daughter of mine." With that fond statement in the air, she was already ushering me inside, Kakashi following soon after, and Mama only turned her head once towards him with what looked like a nod of acknowledgement. "Do you two want me to start a hot pot?"
"Anything works as long as we have oil, Aunt Hikari," Kakashi replied smoothly. "We have enough fish to feed everyone in this house, along with some leftovers."
"At least someone is productive this morning." Mama hummed, squeezing my shoulders all the while. It literally felt like a side-hug if not for the fact that she was walking me further into the house. "Obito and Rin were a bit worried about you two."
As soon as we entered the living room, I could swear Mama was understating the situation. Obito and Rin both were already staring in our direction with wide eyes, and even with sleepwear of what looked like matching shinobi blue T-shirts and shorts, it did not stop them from running over to us. The impending commotion resulted in Mama chuckling and letting me go to face the yells.
Oh no.
"Where have you two been?!" Rin started, hands already outstretched towards us in the case of any fussing. "We wake up and you two weren't in your futons! We thought something happened!"
"Well, not along those lines of emergency," Obito interjected quickly, but the lines on his face said enough, "But yeah! Where did you two go?"
I glanced at Kakashi and he only shrugged with a masked smile. "Places." He even had a mysterious, teasing tone to his voice too. "We have fish."
Obito's right eyebrow raised a margin higher. "Fish?" he echoed disbelievingly. "You were gone for a few hours only to come back with fish?"
Kakashi only offered the orange fish bucket as evidence, the three pike and three trout swimming inside all the while. "Fish," he repeated.
Obito continued to stare at us incredulously. Then, he proceeded to raise his hand again with a loud and almost proud, "I'm not going to be the one gutting the fish! They smell!"
Nearby, I could've sworn I heard Mama giggle to herself in the midst of some kitchenware clanking.
Rin glanced between him and Kakashi before raising her hand too, albeit at a slower pace than Obito. "Me neither!" was her energetic response.
Hisako snorted dryly. This is revenge for walking out on them, isn't it.
I glanced at Kakashi in response. My boyfriend only gave me a lazy stare before raising his hand too. "Nope," he said simply. "Don't look at me."
Ohmigod.
Even with the few tear stains on my face and a remnant lump in my throat, I found myself huffing anyways. These ninja. "You all are ridiculous," I said flatly. "And immature."
Kakashi wrapped an arm around my shoulders in yet another side-hug. "Yet you stay with us anyways," he snarked back.
"Because I love you from the bottom of my heart," was my equally flat and honest reply, and by then, I was very tempted to throw my hands up in the air just because. My friends were the silliest people I could ever have. Ninja. "And that you all can be very ridiculous dorks. Doofs. Bleh."
"Bleh?!" Obito repeated, eye wide.
Rin blinked at me before starting to giggle a little. "Oh, Tomoko-chan."
"Hey," I started with the same flat voice first, "Someone has to bring the cheer back," and now I was smiling too, somehow. It wasn't my best, but it was still a smile that was genuine. "So, why not." My friends — my loved ones — they were all okay with me. From the looks of it, at least. They weren't questioning anything. And…
Kakashi squeezed my shoulders again. "So, are you going to gut the fish for us then?" he teased, fingers dancing along my upper arms, almost as if trying to find a ticklish spot. "Slime and all?"
Oh, Kakashi. You ninja dork of mine.
I would tell him. Soon.
In the meantime, I pouted, crossing my arms. "As long as you're not leaving me to do all the work, then yes! Someone has to do it!"
Kakashi was the first one to laugh. Soon enough, everyone else was following in his lead.
For the first time since waking up this morning, it felt warm.
By the time everyone was seated at what I could've sworn as a bigger dinner table, I was surprised at how no one was really bringing up yesterday. Hell, the topic of the Hokage or any missions in the future went unmentioned, almost as if they were figments of a fake dream. In fact, the conversations I could parse in-between chewing and sounds of utensils clanking against plates were casual, almost…normal.
Was that even the right word for it?
"Obito, if you need us to get anything for you—"
"Hikari-sa—Aunt Hikari, it's okay. I'm adjusting. You don't have to hover. I'm just lucky to still have my dominant hand."
"Hey, blame a woman for worrying. You and Rin-chan both are part of the family too."
Obito was starting to flush red, and he covered his cheeks as best as he could with his rice bowl. Awwww. "Th-thanks," he replied, and it was obvious he was caught between happiness and strange-looking embarrassment. He wasn't using his bowl as a hat, thankfully. "And man, this fish is good!"
Hah. Hisako was smirking. He's avoiding the subject!
Hisako. Don't be rude!
Hey. I can snark every now and then.
"Kakashi, where did you two go this morning to get this?" Uncle Sakumo piped up instead, with his chopsticks seeming a bit pointier than usual as they gestured in my boyfriend's direction. Oh boy. This wasn't exactly looking good. "This doesn't seem like your everyday store pike or trout."
"The river in one of the Training Grounds, Dad," Kakashi said coolly, not even minding what was shaping up as an apparent interrogation as he popped a small piece of fish into his mouth. "We still had your fishing equipment, so I just grabbed it and took Tomoko along with me."
Papa choked. "Alone? By yourselves?"
If I didn't know better, I could've sworn someone had taken Papa's cat and thrown it out the window with the affronted face he was making. A better analogy would be if someone had kicked his puppy and laughed in his face about it.
What was I missing now?
"Yes…" Kakashi was raising an eyebrow now, his mask-less face showing his confusion before he could even say anything. "Is that a problem?"
"Did you—" Papa coughed into his free hand, and I could've sworn Rin was looking in our direction now. Oh no. Oh dear gosh no. Papa, don't you even dare—
18+ TALKS ARE NOT WELCOMED! Hisako bellowed mentally for me.
Mama gave Papa a level-headed stare. "Anata," she said warningly.
Papa scarfed down a clump of white rice, brown eyes glancing away from us. "Oh, okay, okay, never mind. Not the time, I get it." He went on to grab a piece of fish from the serving plate, tearing off the skin rather roughly before putting it into his mouth. "Sheesh," he grumbled. "When can a father look out for his daughter's love life…"
"What time are we talking?" Uncle Sakumo added darkly.
Uh.
"Judai," Mama said, eyes closed. Even with her eyes closed, she didn't miss picking up a sliver of fish skin to toss in the trash for later. "You had your fight with Kakashi already. It's fine."
"Hikari…" Papa bemoaned.
"No." She turned to Uncle Sakumo too. "And that's the same to you, Sakumo-kun."
"Fine, fine…" both men droned in unison. Then they turned to each other with wide eyes, because yes, that was a bit creepy.
Parents, Hisako snorted. They never change.
Rin-chan laughed softly while raising a pointer finger. "I have pamphlets if we need to talk about anything medical!"
What?
What?
Obito immediately turned white, a bit of tofu falling off of his chopsticks. "Wh-whaaaaaaaa."
Kakashi gave her the stink eye. "Rin, no."
"Hey!" she said in protest. "It's just an idea! To pass the time…" she trailed off, apparently noticing the gazes of everyone around the table, and shrunk in her chair, red on her cheeks. "Nothing too big…and it's interesting…"
Now, Rin, honey, that's sweet of you, Hisako said softly, but there's a problem with that.
"Rin-chan," I said slowly, almost in the same vein as Hisako's voice, in the hopes of breaking the ice while glancing at the pale Uchiha. "I dunno…I think you just broke Obito."
The medic raised her head from her new home in the tablecloth-made clouds with an open mouth. "Eh?"
"Waaaaaaa," was Obito's sound of agreement, and even though he was across from my seat at the table, I still reached over with my hand.
Poke. Poke. Poke.
Tomoko-chan, are you sure that's a good idea—
He didn't respond, his head lulling to the side as a result of my poking his left cheek. "Waaaaaa," he said again, duller this time. "Waaaaaaa."
"O-Obito?" I tried instead.
"Waaaaaaagh," was the only change to his current saying. Looking closer showed swirls in his right eye as his head continued to bob over his shoulder, lulling.
Yep. Hisako declared. He's dead.
Hisako!
What? He's not responding. What else am I supposed to say? What, "his flag pole's standing?"
Oh god no.
Hehehehe. Hisako gloated.
For my own emotional composure, I chose not to look past the tablecloth and instead pull back to sit in my chair.
"Obito," Kakashi's eyebrow was twitching now. "Are the pamphlets that bad?"
"You…" Obito said finally, shaking his head before proceeding to harshly plant his forehead into the table. "You have no idea…"
"Hey…!" Rin said weakly. "Obito…!"
The named Uchiha only sighed loudly into the table.
Mama laughed sheepishly. "Obito-kun, please get up and properly eat, okay?"
I sighed, took up my chopsticks, and reached over for another piece of fish.
Then, a soy sauce bottle was being pushed towards me from the right, and I turned my head only to meet a silver eye in a stare. "Your dish was running out," Kakashi said simply. "Thought you needed more."
I glanced at my sauce dish. Sure enough, all I could see was a small pile of rice grains and a pitiful little puddle of brown sauce.
Lubdub, lubdub, lubdub.
I took a breath before meeting his stare again, smiling.
"Thank you."
It was the least I could say.
Getting some privacy was hard afterwards. Mama and Papa didn't seem all that keen about me being by myself, more so after this morning, but the ninja seemed to understand. More specifically, Uncle Sakumo, Rin, and Obito. I don't exactly know what happened between them when Kakashi and I were gone, but I wasn't exactly going to object when they took the helm in advocating for peace and quiet.
"Judai, let's just spar," Uncle Sakumo had said. "Tomoko-chan and the kids have gone through a lot, so letting everyone have a free day is good, right?"
For the first time in a while, or perhaps the first time ever, I didn't know anymore, Papa "tch"-ed like an Uchiha, clicking his tongue and all, but didn't say anything back. Instead, he nodded, wrapped an arm around Obito's shoulders, and — and then slowly smiled at me while walking by. "Alright then, kids, let's head out to the backyard then. I can teach you a few moves before we can laze around."
Go on, Tomoko-chan, his eyes seemed to say.
"What kind of moves are you talking, Uncle Judai?" Obito was smiling too, and I could've sworn he caught my stare with his right eye, a sparkle in it. "It better not be paperwork!"
"No way, you know me!" Papa was laughing while leading him off. "I hate paperwork!"
"Hahaha, that's true!"
Mama and Uncle Sakumo had already put arms around Rin-chan to usher her somewhere too. "Now, Rin-chan, what were you talking about when it came to pamphlets?" was Mama's first question and judging by what little I could see of Rin's face, the bright smile was enough.
"So, Aunt Hikari, the pamphlets are really a doctor's best way of reaching out to patients when it's calm, because—"
Soon, it was just Kakashi and I alone in the immediate area of the living room of the house again.
I took a breath and clutched the strings of my Wayfinder necklace.
A gloved hand was already touching both of mine, and I looked up to meet his silver eye. "I just got a privacy seal from Dad," and sure enough, he was waving a small square of seal paper that was easily recognizable with his Wayfinder-covered hand, "only if you want to use it."
A small, unsteady smile was climbing up my face. "Just nothing 18+, okay? I don't think we need another heart attack."
Kakashi gave me an unimpressed look. "Please don't joke about that," he said flatly.
"Sorry," but I was laughing. It felt nice, and really, it was all I could do before saying everything. Absolutely everything. "Now, I guess let's go to my room for now. I have a long story for you to hear."
Kakashi needed to hear everything.
Once we were inside my room, I started with the tale of the Vietnamese college girl, who had dreams of helping people. A girl named Vy, who had a boyfriend, best friends, a family — a girl who saw a show about ninjas that changed everything.
I was grateful, at least, that he was listening.
Author's Notes: A little over two months. Two. Months. I wasn't intending to keep this down for so long, but a lot happened in those two months, and I'm sorry about that. I finished finals of my Spring Quarter of Sophomore Year, Tomoko got called a Mary Sue for the 5th time in this entire story run, I ended up encountering my first Tumblr "clusterfuck," and I have an unofficial lab job of sorts over the summer while resting for what feels like the first time in a long while.
I know that little blurb might not be enough to explain everything, but it's been a long two months, and this chapter was hard to write. Hell, Tomoko ended up taking the helm of my thoughts and her uncertainty seeped into me when it came to writing this chapter at almost all times.
"Self-pity" is an actual thing, but not in that kind of definition. Worrying and agonizing over things — they are the real things. Being unsure of your next decision, never knowing if you're doing the right thing, always judging yourself and putting yourself down to the point of not being sure if the people around you still want you around — they are all real things.
I just hope I delivered as always. It took a long time to really find rest time for myself and to write in general.
And no worries, I'm not dead. I'm going to keep writing until the end. This chapter was just the grittiest to write in terms of pure emotion and conflict, and I needed to face that. Update speed will get slower with real life and in-story emotion hanging over me, but still.
Tomoko's story is not over by a long shot.
For now, this is Writer-and-Artist27 signing out to handle the next chapter and real life. If you want to find me, I'll be on my Tumblr of the same handle name. :) Or, if you'd like, just check out the spin-off of The Sea and Stars — feedback is welcomed.
See you all again soon.