My dearest readers, this new chapter is for each and everyone of you, to make you all feel my support in this very tough time we are going through.

Stay safe and take care!

With loads and loads of love,

Lucy

CHAPTER 11

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Invictus ~ W.E. Henley

~•~•~•~

Lisa and Loki walked along the wood, one ahead of the other, set on ignoring each other.
Not a single sound had been uttered by any of them, after the harsh argument of the day before, and that prolonged silence that they had deliberately forced themselves to keep , had gradually turned out to be useful to diffuse the sharp tension grown between them.

"There's no need to go so fast" he moaned at once, through his teeth, "we've been walking for hours."
Lisa turned to him.
He looked pale and slightly out of breath but totally unwilling to let it seep out .
"Need a stop? " She asked. her voice still a bit surly.
"You definitely should" he snapped, shooting her a haughty glance.

Then, a shade of concern rushed over his face and softened his severe look for a moment.
"You're still recovering, Such strains are not good for you". He pointed out.
"How kind of you", she flatly countered, "you didn't care a freaking damn when they sliced me open and now you're afraid I could get tired. Really touching."
Loki strided forward, whithout answering her but after a few minutes, he had to halt. His right palm went pressing on his chest. His lungs burning.

Lisa didn't realise Loki had fallen back until her own breath was the only sound she heard. She instantly froze and turned around again. He was quite some metres behind her , His forehead leant against the trunk of a maple tree. One of his arms was holding his middle, his eyelids shut.
When her gaze caught him in such a sheer weariness, panic clogged her throat.
"Loki... she murmured, what's wrong with you.." her voice tottering.
He held his head up and gave her a hint of a smile, in an effort to reassure her ; his attempt, however, failed miserably.
"It's nothing , I was just-" he tried.
"I'm fine", he concluded in a rasp, sounding even less convincing.

Lisa came back to him and gave him a cross glance.
"You can't help lying. Can you?" She muttered.
Loki sucked in a deep long breath and swallowed hard, before speaking. his brows furrowed.

"I can't go on, Lisandra". he stated strightforwardly, You must continue without me."
The utter determination which oozed from his words gave Lisa shivers.
"No", she said below her breath, pacing nervously back and forth- her hands deep down in her pockets - not at all." She shook her head, " I won't leave you here."
Loki let himself go on the grass with a grimace of pain and rested his shouders and nape against the bark of the maple tree. His chest was rising and falling fast. His eyelids went down again. he held his pointy chin up and inhaled deeply. His skin ,under the pale winter sun, appeared white as marble.
"Don't make me said it again. Just go." He replied in a dull tone.
Lisa knew he wouldn't have changed his mind easily
"I will not". She retorted stubbornly.
"Fine" he mormoured. And remained completely immobile.
Lisa stepped closer. She sat on her heels and clung on to the back of his hand with her fingers. He whinced and struggled not to look at her.
"Please Loki. I can't leave you here, I don't want to." she pleaded with him in a whisper.
When he finally decided to turn to her, his heart sank into her watery, imploring eyes.
"Even if I wished, I couldn't be of any help" he explained to her." I'm weeker than ever. Even the puniest midgardian would defeat me with a finger" he admitted in a fit of sincerity. "Nothing against midgardians", he added with a faint smirk.
Lisa was still staring at him, but now both of her arms were folded on her breast.

"In this case , then, you know what to do".She replied drily
"Do I?" He asked, pretty doubtful.
" We've made an agreement. Don't you remember?" She insisted.
Loki's lip tightened. His face clouded.
Lisa raised an eyebrow, but didn't speak.
He could feel all her scorn in her silence.

" Loki ,don't you- you gave me your word!" She snapped angrily after a short while.
In response, he just blinked and looked away.
Lisa gaped at him gashing resentment. Her fists clenched
"The same old liar" she hissed with her eyes narrowed and blazing
Loki again, looked perfectly unperturbed. "The circumstances under which we made that agreement were utterly different. He said in an aloof tone. "You know many things have changed since that moment and yet, you keep faking everything is ok". He tilted his head sideways and his eyebrows drew together. his sharp deep emerald eyes plunged into hers.

"Who's the real liar between me and you, now?"
"We both are"- she shot back -"but I lie to myself not to yield to pain , you lie to anyone you meet, only for your own gloat."
"For what I recall, if you hadn't been strong enough to bear my presence, I would have desisted from taking away your energy. These were the terms of our agreement, weren't they?

Lisandra stood silent.

" Now tell me, honestly, - he stressed that last word with a higher tone- are you currently strong enough to respect such terms?"
She lowered her gaze and shook her head. "No, I'm not." she quietly confessed.
"Indeed. As you can see, I'm remaining loyal to my promise."He sharply remarked.
She swallowed and bit the inside of her cheek. "I'll die anyway if I go on alone". she objected in the end. "We might as well give it a try." Her voice low but firm.
Loki conversely, seemed about to explode.
"I must do it for Tess" , she continued, "I'm her mother."
That was the last straw for him
"Of course! Just think how happy she'll be when she finds out that you've lost your life because of her!" He stiffened up, widening his arms, in embitterment. He was slightly shaking and tiny crystal tearsdrops glimmered through his dark eyelashes .

"So she'll be safe but orphan at the same time. My compliments, Lisandra, quite a bright idea!" He added in a snarl.
Lisa doubted that Loki had ever experienced parental love but several years before , Thor had told her how much Frigga meant to his brother and how excruciatingly guilty he had felt when he had been informed of her death. His words, therefore , sounded to her like the umpteenth confirm that his grief, in spite of time passing by, had not weakened at all.
"I'm sure that when she is told how deep my love was, she will understand and support my choice." She replied calmly.
Loki gave her a sideways look. His lips went tighter.
"And what's the usefulness of your deep love if you can't share it with her?" He bitterly asked her.
"Exactly the same usefulness of your mother' s love for you. She 'll hopefully be a better person and learn what it's worth fighting for and what it's not."
Loki gulped his jaws spasmed . He swiped his hands over his temples, outlining small concentrical circles on them with his fingertips. A long deep hissing sigh came out of his mouth . He clumsly stood up and stopped right opposite her. His tall figure looming over her made her feel discomfortably tiny . Even weary as he was, Loki still kept several traits of his divinity and his hight still made his origins clear, despite Odin had erased them with irreproachable zeal, the day he had taken him to Asgard.
"Place your palms on mine- he said to her- and don't distance them until I say you can. Yes?"
Lisa nodded and did as Loki had ordered.
"Now close your eyes, relax and focus on the rythm of your breathing."
He pressed lightly on both the backs of her hands with his thumbs to balance the grip.
"I'll give you only one chance, Lisandra, only one. And I won't let you die." He stated in an authoritative voice,a moment later.
Her eyes trembled under the shut eyelids. Her lips unclosed a couple of times, attempting an answer but in the end, she surrendered and accepted his decision.