22 - Turn The Page

'So why Cali?'

Zero shrugged a little. 'It was as far away as I could get.'

Newton tapped her foot with his. 'And that's it?'

'Pretty much, yeah.'

'. . . That's a really shit reason.'

'I know.'

'Are you guys hearing this?'

'Yes,' Trixie replied.

'Clear as day,' added Vin.

The four of them continued to stare at the ceiling.

They were lying on the floor of Zero's bedroom, halfway through the task of putting everything back where it should be. Vin was at the bottom of the pile, Trixie and Zero on either side of him. Newton was plastered against Zero's other side like an octopus, one arm thrown over her middle as though he were afraid she would escape again.

It was like nothing had ever happened, and Trixie really wasn't sure whether that was a good thing.

She tilted her head a little against Vin's shoulder, glancing over at the other three. Vin's eyes were closed; clearly still basking in the happiness of Zero's return. Newton appeared to be similarly glazed over, but more in a "my sense of emotional support has returned and now I'm not quite sure what to do with myself" kind of way.

It was . . . peaceful. And she hated to break it, but she had questions.

Trixie let out a soft sigh. 'I think,' she said, 'there are some conversations that need to be had.'

A beat of silence passed.

Zero exhaled heavily, sitting up and pushing Newton off her. 'Like what?' she asked, ignoring his affronted grumble. Trixie met her eyes, refusing to be cowed.

'Like, are you okay?'

That made her bark a laugh, short and brittle. 'I haven't been okay in years.'

Trixie shot her a dry, unimpressed look.

'What? It's true.'

'. . . Fine. It's - fine. Another time.' She pursed her lips. 'What about physically? Are you healthy?'

That got her guard up a little more, and she pushed herself to her feet, before pacing around the room with her hands stuffed in her pockets. Trixie spotted the irritated, uncomfortable twist of her mouth, and made sure to be careful in choosing her words.

'Zero, you - you vanished for a month, in the middle of winter. Please don't fault us for being worried about you.'

Her movement slowed for a brief second, before picking back up. 'I - I'm fine. Sure, I never want to see instant ramen ever again, but, like, I'm fine.'

Trixie flexed her fingers uncomfortably. 'I . . . I feel like you're not.'

Zero let out a loud exhale, rolling out her shoulders as she paced. 'Right. Okay.'

She ducked her head for a moment, deep in thought as she moved back and forth across the tiny room.

Everyone's eyes followed her as a collective unit.

'No,' she said finally, straightening up. 'No, I'm not okay. My body is messed up, dude. I feel sick all the time, and I can't stop hurling. Food smells gross. I'm getting fat.' She stopped in her pacing and turned back to them, hiking up her t-shirt to show her stomach. 'I mean, shit, look at me.'

They all stared.

'Look at you,' Newton agreed. 'I think there's a ninety-eight percent chance that there's a baby in there. Unless it's just bloating.'

She scowled at him. 'Don't be a dick.'

'I'm always a dick.'

'Then turn it off for like, an hour, please. For once in my life I'm trying to share my feelings and shit.'

'So what happens now?' Trixie asked, cutting in before the conversation had the chance to derail. She gave Zero a firm, pointed look. 'We're in this together, you know. So you've got to tell us what you need - what we can do. You have to communicate.'

Zero gave an offhand shrug, clearly trying to keep any trace of discomfort from showing on her face. 'I - uh - well, I think Soper is doing his best to "parent" me, in a way.' She paused for a moment, considering her words. 'And I honestly think I'm okay with that. It feels - it feels better to be kind of honest about things. It makes me feel . . . less . . . less alone.'

A small smile began to spread across Trixie's face. 'Zero, that's . . . that's really good.'

Zero blinked at her. 'You think?'

'Absolutely. Two months ago, there would have been absolutely no way you would have been okay with that.' She was fairly well beaming at this point. 'That's great progress.'

Zero took a moment to consider this, a faint blush starting high on her cheekbones. 'Shit, well . . . I mean, I guess,' she mumbled, clearly having no idea whatsoever to do with this praise. She tilted her head up toward the ceiling, blinking away tears.

Trixie pretended not to notice. She turned her attention toward Vin and Newton, who were sitting in awkward silence. She raised an eyebrow pointedly, as if to say something along the lines of Well? Say something!

Newton seemed to clue in the quickest. 'So I get dibs as the "cool uncle", right?'

Zero stared at him.

He raised his hands defensively. 'What? I thought that was a good question!'

'What the fuck, Newton.'

'What?'

'Who the hell do you think you're fighting for dibs?' she asked incredulously.

'Well, you never know -'

Trixie hid her growing smile behind her hand as they dissolved into useless arguing. It may have only been a month, but she had missed this - regardless of whether she pretended to disapprove.

She glanced over at Vin. He was smiling, though he seemed slightly hesitant - like there was something on his mind and he wasn't quite sure how to voice it. He sensed her gaze and looked up, raising an eyebrow in question.

She nudged her head toward Zero, offering a supportive smile. He gave a faint grimace in return, but seemed to steel his nerve.

'Uh,' he started, before clearing his throat and trying again. The others finally ceased in their bickering, giving him their attention. He tilted his head toward Zero. 'Can you . . . can you, uh, feel anything? Or is it - is it too early?'

Zero blinked, surprised. 'I dunno,' she said after a moment. 'I mean, I haven't noticed, but . . .' She trailed off, shrugging. 'Haven't got a clue, man.'

Trixie tilted her head, lifting her eyebrows incredulously. 'Have you researched anything?'

'. . . No?'

'Why am I not surprised,' she muttered, shaking her head. 'Maybe do that. It could be helpful, perhaps.'

Zero rolled her eyes. 'Yes, Mom.'

She finally sat back down, parking herself on the carpet in front of Vin.

'Look. I haven't noticed yet, but I'll tell you when I do, yeah?'

Vin nodded a little. 'Okay.' His gaze flickered back down to her midriff, and he seemed unable to look away. Anyone with eyes could tell he was gearing up for another question. 'I, uh . . .' He swallowed, blushing a little when her gaze met his. His hand hovered uselessly above his lap. 'Can I . . . ?'

It took a moment, but understanding dawned in her eyes. 'Oh. Really?' She gave an easy shrug. 'I mean, it's nothing to write home about - honestly I just look fat more than anything - but yeah.'

Vin blinked, seemingly unsure how to proceed. That made her huff a laugh. She reached out to snatch his hand, dragging it under her shirt to rest on the slight curve of her stomach. 'See?'

He stared at the spot where his hand was, fingers splayed out across her midriff. His eyes were as wide as saucers. 'That's a baby,' he said faintly.

'No shit, Sherlock.'

'That's a baby.'

Zero gave him a dry look. 'Pretty sure you were there when it happened.'

He blushed again, drawing his hand back into his lap. She seemed wholly unbothered, leaning back on her hands and glancing around the room for an opportunity to change the conversation. Her gaze finally settled on her desk, and she frowned slightly.

'Where're my cds?'

Newton immediately pointed at Vin. 'He listens to them while he cries himself to sleep at night.'

Vin swatted him on the head.

Zero's mouth curled in a tiny smirk. 'Really?'

'No,' Vin replied emphatically. 'I've just been . . . looking after them.'

'Right,' she deadpanned. 'Because you love metal.'

'It's not - you know what, fine. Have them back. Sue me for looking out for you.' He shook his head, a flush high on his cheeks, but he was unable to hide the grin that tugged on the corner of his mouth. 'Never mind that you would have gone apeshit if something had happened to them -'

'Just admit that you missed me -'

'That's because I did, you asshole -'

'Aww, that's a bit cute -'

'Hey, no mocking allowed - we're being open with our feelings, remember -'

Newton was practically on the verge of tears. Trixie's stomach hurt from laughing too hard. Zero's grin was the widest she had seen it in a long time. Vin, ever the show-pony, gave a dramatic bow.

A loud knock cut through their laughter, and the moment was broken.

They all stared at each other for a moment, slightly baffled, before Zero got to her feet. She pulled open the door, and there, shoulders hunched and defensively awkward, was Burt.

They stared at each other for a long moment, before she finally broke the silence.

'The hell do you want?'

His eyes flickered over her shoulder, toward the others. 'I wanna talk.'

Zero couldn't really help the incredulous arch of her eyebrows. 'What?'

''M serious,' he muttered, glancing down at his feet. He seemed extremely uncomfortable, and that in itself was weird.

'Take a hike, Burt,' Vin said, shifting with the intention to stand up. The others seemed similarly displeased.

Burt reared back in affront, scowling at him. 'Fuck off. Wasn't talking to you.'

'Does it look like I give a shit?'

'Vin, shut it,' Zero snapped. She pinched the bridge of her nose, counting to five and steadying her breathing. Right. Okay. 'You guys go on ahead. I'll catch up later.'

Trixie and Newton seemed to get the message without complaint. Vin, however, seemed genuinely offended.

'What do you mean?' he asked. 'You're not seriously gonna talk to him?'

'Vin. Piss off.'

That made him freeze, though the glare he directed at Burt didn't waver. 'Zero,' he tried again.

'Now.'

He finally relented, ducking his head and avoiding her eyes. He followed the others out the door, looking like a kicked dog as he went. She couldn't muster the energy to feel bad right now, even though she knew he was worried about her.

She closed the door behind him and folded her arms, wheeling around to face Burt, who had parked himself comfortably on her office chair. That visual made her flush uncomfortably, unearthing a memory from over a year ago when they -

Nope. Not doing this.

'What do you want?' she asked bluntly. 'You've never been the talking type.'

His mouth twisted a little, but he otherwise ignored the jab.

'I needed to check,' he said finally, then paused as though he were unsure of what other words to use.

'Check,' she repeated. 'What?'

His eyes darted down to her stomach for a split second before they met hers again.

Oh.

'It's fine,' Zero said with a huff, leaning one shoulder against the door jamb. 'You're fine.'

It was almost amusing how quickly the tension bled from his shoulders. It was like witnessing the seven stages of grief in fast-forward or something.

She gave him a dry smirk. 'You're in the clear, big boy. No weight on your conscience.'

That made him huff a little indignantly, though he didn't deny it. 'It's not like I was wrong to check.'

'Well, no, you weren't,' she agreed.

There was a moment of silence, before he spoke again.

'If not me,' he said, thoughtful, 'then who?'

'That's none of your business.'

'It's the dickhead, isn't it? Everyone thinks it's his.'

'Again, none of your business.'

'Okay, okay.' His mouth widened in a slight grin, though it wasn't malicious. 'Just so you know, though, I'm not picky. My door's still open.'

She rolled her eyes, straightening up. 'Alright, you ruined it. Time's up. Go.'

'I'm just saying -'

'Out!'

Trixie and Newton beat a hasty retreat to the library, with a reluctant Vin trailing behind them. To distract from what could be happening in the room they had just vacated, Newton pitched his latest gadget idea as they walked. While Trixie seemed mildly interested, it was clear that Vin wasn't listening at all.

Feeling a little frustrated at that, Newton waved his arms in wider gestures as he talked, and threw out a few key words that might grab his attention.

' - and I was thinking that it might be useful for the Network -'

'Oh, hi Liz,' Trixie interrupted, delivering a swift kick to Newton's ankle in a clear message to shut the hell up. 'What are you up to?'

Elizabeth fell into step beside them, a smile pulling at the corners of her mouth. 'I was on my way to finish that History paper for Soper,' she replied, lifting one shoulder to indicate the laptop bag slung off it. She looked keenly at the two of them. 'You wouldn't happen to have done it, would you? I could use some pointers.'

Newton leapt on the opportunity, glad for a chance for distraction. 'I don't know about Trix, but I have,' he said. 'We could join you if you like?'

She beamed. 'That would be great. You don't mind, do you, Trixie?'

'Of course not,' Trixie replied, making a valiant effort to pretend she wasn't blushing. 'I - I've actually finished too; what topic did you pick?'

'Well, originally I went with the French Revolution, but then I figured it would be too cliche . . .'

Newton felt himself smirking as Trixie nodded along with Liz, clearly too stunned to say anything more than "uh huh". This crush was getting absolutely ridiculous.

Liz, it seemed, was actively encouraging it. She knew precisely how to smile and bat her eyelashes in ways that made Trixie increasingly more flustered as time went on.

And yet neither of them appeared game enough to make the first move. To be perfectly honest, it was driving him nuts. He was surrounded by people who couldn't seem to get their shit together, and man, it was tiring.

They settled themselves around a table, Vin brooding at one end, while Trixie and Liz sat at the other - their heads much closer together than what seemed to be strictly necessary. Newton sat in the middle, mentally twiddling his thumbs.

He didn't last very long before he cracked, feigning the need to use the bathroom, and ducked out the back door to seek shelter under the staircase. He winced a little in the blinding sunlight, fishing in his pockets for his lighter and a cigarette.

He probably had a five minute window before anyone would begin to get suspicious, so he made the most of it as the repetition of smoking steadied his nerves.

God, he just felt so highly strung these days, and it was fucking exhausting. Even though he knew that Zero was back and safe, his brain didn't seem to have caught up. He still felt irritable, on edge, and a little miserable.

He was tired of feeling like this.

He was tired of feeling.

Newton finished up the cigarette as quickly as he could, feeling a little regretful as he stubbed the butt into the dirt with his trainer. He had begun to crave these moments of solace; to let his mind go blank for a short, blissful moment.

But that was just the nicotine. Probably.

He exhaled the last breath of smoke and rolled out his shoulders, absently plucking at his sweater to rid himself of the smell. He gave a tired sigh, and closed his eyes.

Back to reality.

It was unnerving how little Sadie had been on her case lately. So much so, that Liz had been finding herself looking over her shoulder more often than not, just waiting.

For what, she didn't know.

But now, she was in deep shit. There was no doubt that it had been Toriello she saw from the window. One word from her, and Liz's entire life would come crumbling down around her ears. She would be back out on the street, no better off than she had been three months ago.

And no job this time, either, a nasty little voice in the back of her mind reminded her. You'll be even worse off.

On her list of fuck-ups, this probably ranked second place. Just behind the time she'd dropped out of school for that dumbass boyfriend. It wasn't quite that bad, but it came close.

She ought to make the most of what little time she had left. She could go to the library, perhaps. Forget about the world while she wrote one last assignment.

Yeah. That sounded like a nice idea.

Pretend that you're a dedicated academic instead of an idiot who ruins her life in one fell swoop, the voice added.

(It wasn't wrong, exactly. But it still stung.)

And so she trudged despondently through the corridors, making a mental checklist of all the things that she ought to do before she was alone again.

Finish the History assignment. Hand in her loaned laptop. Say goodbye to Bertha; she'd always been so kind. Return those jeans to Cathy, even though they fit fantastically and she was loath to give them up. Thank Ginger again for that time he loaned her detergent, because she seriously owed him for that. Kiss Tr -

'. . . useful for the Network -'

Hang on.

Back the fuck up.

She rounded the corner, almost ploughing face-first into Trixie as she went. She stumbled back a step, nearly tripping over her own feet.

'Oh, hi Liz,' Trixie said, smiling. Beside her, Newton blinked a few times as he processed her arrival. Vin was trailing glumly behind them.

Liz did a quick head count. Once she had confirmed that there was definitely no Toriello, she let herself relax a little, falling in line with them as they walked. Trixie's tone didn't suggest that she knew something had transpired between them, and that gave her a little hope.

'What are you up to?' Trixie asked.

Having an idea, actually.

She smiled as all the pieces began to click together in her head. Of course it was them, how did you not see that sooner? What other "Networks" could there be?

Her mouth spoke on autopilot as her head spun with this revelation.'I was on my way to finish that History paper for Soper. You wouldn't happen to have done it, would you? I could use some pointers.'

Holy shit. You did it. You did it. You figured it out.

And that meant that Trixie . . .

Oh no.

Not Trixie.

Just like that, her bubble of giddiness popped with a record scratch. She made an effort not to visibly falter.

Okay. Just - just don't think about it right now. Keep the conversation going. Pretend nothing's wrong.

Pretending. She could do that, she was good at it.

It took a decent chunk of her willpower to remain bubbly and engaged as they walked to the library together. It took the rest of her willpower not to stare at Trixie like a smitten idiot while she explained concepts, eyes alight and passionate. There was no willpower left for anything else.

But God damn she was beautiful.

That was her failing, in the end. In her distraction, she didn't realise that their little alcove had been disturbed by another until it was too late.

Vin suddenly snapped from his miserable state, shoving his chair back and scattering to his feet. 'Zero!' he said, eyes lighting up. 'You're okay? Everything's okay?'

He had moved so quickly that it took Liz a moment to realise exactly what it was he was reacting to.

Oh fuck.

'Yes, I'm fine,' Zero said as she approached, hands stuffed in her jacket pockets. 'No thanks to you, dipshit.' Her eyes found Liz, and she could have sworn the floor dropped out from beneath her.

Great.

Wonderful.

This was where everything would blow up in her face. At least she had already made her peace with it.

Zero looked at Liz.

Liz looked at Zero.

Neither of them said a word.

Finally, she seemed to come to some sort of internal resolution, turning her head away with an air of finality and redirecting her attention towards Vin.

Wait.

Was that . . . was that it?

Liz blinked, completely thrown by this new development. Was it a trap? It had to be. Surely. There was . . . there was no way it wasn't.

This wasn't good. She needed to get out. Now.

'I just remembered,' she stammered, scooting her chair back. 'I have a - thing - need to go - sorry -'

Newton blinked at her. Trixie's brow furrowed into a frown of confusion. Vin didn't give a shit, clearly too besotted with his girlfriend to notice. Zero pointedly ignored her.

Trap. Get out.

With that thought in mind, she gathered her things together and practically bolted from the library.

30/3/22