Crowley's return to Hell was met with far more enthusiasm then he'd ever expected. It would also be the last time anyone was particularly excited to see him down there but for now he was allowed to relish the accolades and consider that maybe, just maybe, he was actually cut out for this.

He was drawn into one of the larger rooms, more of a cavern than anything else-nothing but different shades of grey to his eyes-where he was met with Beezlebub, Prince of Hell, in all their glory. They wore a rather slimming black robe and a fly hat, which Crowley found both ridiculous and terribly suiting. He could only make out the outline of it but he knew what it was because he knew how on point Beezlebub could be.

They waved him over, his eyes latched onto the movement, and he gave a slight bow. He'd been expecting Satan but, frankly, Beezlebub was much easier to deal with. Ever since they'd been put in charge things had been rigid but predictable. Crowley could live with predictable.

"So, you tempted Eve," they said without preamble. "You've performed the very firzzt temptation." They winced slightly as their buzzing took over their speech momentarily. It was a nervous tick with Beezlebub and Crowley wondered if there was something he was missing here.

"I am happy to announce it was a resounding success," Crowley said with a cheeky grin, deciding that whatever was wrong it was probably Beezlebub's problem and as such he didn't really care.

"Hm. Our Lord will be pleased to hear it," they said.

"Where is our Lord anyway?" Crowley said, glancing about the dank room. "He loves this kind of stuff."

"I've been put in charge as you may recall," Beezlebub said. "You were there for the proceedings." Well, that explained the throne, Crowley supposed but not much else and while he recalled the hearings he'd still thought Satan would make his presence a little more overt.

"What, all of it? Completely?"

Beezlebub was starting to look annoyed but all they said was, "Yes, all of it. You've earned a commendation and a title, if you wish." They coughed slightly as a fly made its way into their mouth. Crowley winced at the sight; demons were so … inelegant at times.

"I've always wanted a title," he said. That was a lie; Crowley had never cared about such things but if Hell was going to promote him he wasn't going to complain about it.

"Good. In that case, you will be my right hand."

"Er, come again?"

"My right hand," they said again.

"Yeah, not sure I'm following."

Beezlebub's flies were buzzing swifter in agitation and Crowley hastily tried to piece it all together.

It finally dawned on him what the matter was after a prolonged, irritated silence where Crowley witnessed Beezlebub's temperature rise ever so slightly. Their body burned awfully bright for a demon. He glanced around in a mild panic, hoping there was someone else in the room he could suggest instead of himself.

Oh, blast it all; Beezlebub's problem was starting to become his own, wasn't it?

"You're trying to create a hierarchy," he said at last when he couldn't find a single other demon.

"Heaven has one. We need one azzz well," they said a touch defensively. "Lord Satan has deemed it so."

Oh, so the Dark Lord did get the final say on things still. It figured the one who had gotten them all tossed out of Heaven would try to recreate it in his own twisted way.

"Look, I'm flattered, really, but I don't want to do that much … work," he admitted, wishing desperately he could have smoothed that out a bit.

"What else would you do?" Beezlebub said irritably. "You do work here."

"But I was to be your agent on Earth!" he said desperately. Beezlebub stared down at him in silence, no doubt with a heavy dose of judgment.

He was struck with a sudden epiphany and his eyes lit up. "Earth!"

"Earth?"

"I tempted the first human, didn't I?" He swept a lock of his hair over his shoulder, arching a brow as he did so. He looked decadent and therefore terribly convincing by Hell's logic. Beezlebub seemed unimpressed but that was the standard with them anyhow.

"Yezz," they said stonily. "What about it?"

"Aren't you going to need someone to do more of that? Someone who is guaranteed to bring you results?"

"I suppose so," they said reluctantly. "There will be plenty of demons sent to Earth periodically for just such a purpose. But you're not saying you should be one of those. You want to be a permanent one?"

"Heaven has one," Crowley said, thinking quickly. "Someone's got to keep an eye on him."

"What?" Beezlebub cried. They stood up suddenly in rage, their hands clenched at their side. "What do you mean they have a permanent agent?"

"Oh, you know how it is up there. They're trying to sway the realm of mortals to their side. Why should we make it easy for them?"

Aziraphale wasn't actually a permanent agent. He was just a gate guardian but Crowley had a feeling that wouldn't be the case for long and, well, he wanted to be there when it changed.

Oh, Beezlebub was furious. They were pacing now and their clouds of flies were expanding exponentially. Crowley backed away slightly; those things were more dangerous than they looked.

"That world is just as much ours as it is theirs," they buzzed angrily. "The nerve of them to think they can overtake neutral ground! Fine. You will be our agent on Earth but you aren't getting a title."

Crowley just nodded slightly as a swarm of flies got a little too near his face for comfort.

"If I might make a suggestion," he said, shrugging just a bit as if it were no big deal.

"What?" they growled.

"I dunno but, maybe Dagon? Lord of Flies, Lord of the Files, you know. Has a nice ring to it."

"Dagon isn't a lord," they said but it was said thoughtfully and Crowley knew he had won.

"Not yet, you mean. And besides, it wouldn't hurt to have someone familiar with the, uh, more mundane part of the job, am I right?"

They let out a low hum of agreement before finally taking a seat again. "All right, you've made your point, Crawly. You will be stationed on Earth for the foreseeable future. I will speak with Dagon. Hopefully she is more amenable than you have been."

"Oh, come on, you love the idea, you know you do."

"Hm." They were smiling though and once again Crowley was in Hells's … well, not good books but as close as one could get.

-x-

When he got back to Earth he let out a sigh of relief; the air really was sweeter up here where there was actual life. He stretched out his muscles, felt the pull of his ligaments, and felt infinitely more alive than he had mere seconds ago.

How rigid is that place going to get? he wondered. Hierarchies, an industrial complex, mind numbing paperwork… Blimey, but they were sounding an awful lot like how he remembered Heaven. Add a holier-than-thou attitude and they'd be just about there.

He glanced about. He'd ended up in the desert once more and he figured he was probably close to where he'd been previously. The only difference was he couldn't see Eden anywhere.

Knew God would hide it, he thought. Well, it was time to look for the humans anyway. Seeing as he was a demon it didn't take long; he could travel much faster than any mortal could and he covered miles in the blink of an eye until he finally found some small, mud brick huts in the middle of the desert. He settled on a distant dune, slouching lazily in the sand, and smiled softly as he realized Eve had had two children and looked like she might have another. He'd been down in Hell longer than he'd realized. He'd have to let Dagon know about that; having differing timelines would make reporting difficult.

He stayed like that for several hours until the sun began to set. He wasn't sure if he was waiting for anything but there was something peaceful about watching the humans as they went about their business. Eve was stitching some clothes together and Adam was attmpetting to till the land. They had several fruit trees and some goats. He thought they were goats. He hadn't paid enough attention to all the animals' names. They were near a river, which he supposed was smart; earlier he had seen Adam try to catch some fish.

So much progress in such a short amount of time.

"Crawly? Is that you?"

His heart swelled before he stamped it down. So, the angel was out and about rather than shackled to that gate of his. That was a good sign. When he glanced over he couldn't help the smile that broke out on his face. Aziraphale looked more or less the same; he was radiant.

His aura was as blinding bright as before, more so given the inky darkness that surrounded them now, but he was too far away for Crowley to see his expression. He sounded happy though.

"Hey, Aziraphale," he said.

"My! I was starting to think I wouldn't see you after all; you were gone an awfully long time. Whatever are you doing here? I thought you'd slithered on back to Hell, so to speak."

Crowley rolled his eyes. "I'm watching the humans. It took a bit to convince Hell I should stay up here. Apparently, I did too good a job."

Aziraphale tutted softly before he settled beside him on the sand. He sat primly with his legs stretched out and his hands in his lap and Crowley wasn't sure he'd ever seen someone look more uncomfortable. He was also seated a great deal closer to Crowley than seemed entirely called for but it was getting dark and the warmth of the sun was rapidly dwindling as the chill of the moon took over, so Crowley let him stay where he was, a solid warmth at his side. The night air was rather chillier than he'd anticipated.

"Who're the kids?" Crowley finally asked. The humans had gone inside hours ago but he knew Aziraphale would know who he was talking about. There were only two children in existence so far.

"I believe she named the boy Cain," Aziraphale said, "and the girl Awan. She'll have her next children soon as well. I'm rather excited to meet them. A boy and a girl again," he said in a confiding tone of voice.

"Know what they'll be already?" Crowley said with amusement.

"I'm an angel," Aziraphale said only a touch defensively. "I'm permitted some insights."

"Sure, sure, no need to consider privacy. So, seems I wasn't too far off when I said your lot was trying to influence the Earth after all."

"I suppose you're referring to the fact I've spoken to them to which all I can say is who else am I supposed to be talking to?" Crowley silently acknowledged that was a decent point. "Besides, I'm not influencing them directly," Aziraphale said without a hint of guilt. "I just help guide them on occasion. You know, encourage them to do good. Oh," he said with sudden realization. "I suppose you're here to do the opposite."

"That's me, evil incarnate," Crowley drawled.

"I don't know about that," Aziraphale murmured. "Although I suppose you are a demon…."

"As demonic as they come." He was trying hard not to be offended at the implication he wasn't as intimidating as he ought to be.

A gust of wind blew by and he shivered unconsciously. Why was the desert so cold at night? It was perfect in the day. Actually, he was starting to feel a little lethargic. Aziraphale seemed the same as ever, so whatever it was was only affecting him.

"Is everything all right there, Crawly?"

"Mm, I don't think … I've never been up here during nighttime," he replied slowly with a yawn.

"I don't see why that should make a difference," Aziraphale said in confusion.

"Ssleepy," he said.

"You're… tired? But you're a demon. I mean, we come from the same stock more or less and I feel fine. I don't think we need sleep."

"'m also a snake," Crowley pointed out. "You're not."

"I don't see what that has to do with it," Aziraphale said only a touch haughtily. Crowley would have smiled if his limbs weren't starting to turn to lead.

"I think… ssomething's actually wrong… It's cold…"

Aziraphale hesitated before reaching out for him. He gripped his arm as if a viper might burst forth from it. His grip was a delightfully warm brand.

"Oh, you are quite chilly…. I see snakes hunting at night on occasion but I think they usually do so during the day." It would be a while before either of them learned how many species of snakes there were or the different ways they interacted with their environment but Aziraphale was perfectly correct when he followed up with, "Maybe the cold is dangerous for them?"

"Why would God design creatures that can't handle the cold?" Crowley protested.

"I can't explain everything She does," he said irritably. He glanced up as if he were afraid God would strike him down for blasphemy. "Regardless, Crawly, I think I should get you somewhere warm. At the very least we'll know if the cold was the matter. Come on now. Good man."

"Not a man," Crowley grumbled but he allowed Aziraphale to drag him into a standing position and with a snap of his fingers they were in an entirely different environment. He couldn't see the humans at all and they were surrounded by fig and pomegranate trees, their scent sweet in the air. Crowley breathed it in deeply. It was nice but it did nothing to loosen up his stiff muscles. Ahead of them was a looming, rocky mountain covered in all manner of shrubbery.

"There's a little cave here in the side of the mountain. I'll get a fire going."

When they entered Aziraphale helped set him down and a fire miraculously crackled to life. There wasn't any wood.

"Quite a few miracles today," Crowley mumbled.

"I'm hardly about to let you die," Aziraphale huffed. "Even if you are my adversary."

Crowley nodded sleepily. He'd never slept before but oh, it felt so tempting now and who was he to say no to temptation?

But before that he had to let him know as much as a demon could tell an angel anything. "Aziraphale?"

"What is it?"

"Just, you're a good adversary. Not sure I'd like another one all that much."

As he started to nod off he swore he saw Aziraphale lean toward him, just close enough that he could make out a smile on his face. He wondered what he'd done to deserve it.

-x-

A few months went by and Eve had her second child, Abel and his sister, Azura. A few years after that and all her children were adults. It all went in the blink of an eye to Crowley.

"They grow up so quickly," Aziraphale marveled, unknowingly voicing every parent's shock. The two sons were adults now and had built their own homes near their parents. Abel was something Aziraphale called a "shepherd," which seemed to amount to tending a whole lot of sheep. Cain assisted his father more and took to farming his own bit of land.

Crowley found it strange himself. He and Aziraphale had been created fully formed, ready to do God's bidding. But humans changed so much. He'd thought Adam and Eve would be immune to those changes; they were already adults but they still looked … older, he supposed. More world weary.

"Aziraphale," he said slowly. "How long do humans live?"

They were sitting together under a date palm. Aziraphale was unfazed by the weather but it was overcast and Crowley didn't much like it. No, he'd learned his lesson all those years ago when Aziraphale had had to drag him all the way to his cave just to warm him up. He made sure to set time aside to bask in the sun now even if he felt ridiculous doing so.

"Hm? Oh, I don't know," Aziraphale shrugged. "However long God wants them to, I suppose."

"And you're all right with that then," Crowley said.

"I don't see why I wouldn't be," Aziraphale sighed. "What's bothering you now?"

"It's just…" he struggled for a more demonic way of voicing his sentiment so it wouldn't end in "it's sad."

"Don't you think it's wrong? Their lives could end any minute and what's the point? Cain and Abel are both preparing some gift for God and why? Why does God need gifts? She won't allow them to live longer for it, will She?"

"I do believe you're over thinking this," Aziraphale said smartly. "They learn lessons while they're here on Earth and then afterwards they receive their reward or their punishment as the case may be."

"An eternal punishment," Crowley said. "Doesn't seem fair."

"Honestly, Crowley. I don't have all the answers. God is… God."

"Thank you for that insight. I never would have known," he said sarcastically.

"It's been set up this way for a reason is what I mean. Their physical bodies may end but they will continue on. Why worry yourself?" The gentle, confused tone went right over Crowley's head and all he could hear was God saying, You ask too many questions, Crowley. You ask the questions of a challenger not of one who could learn.

"Why aren't you worrying?" Crowley said bitingly before stomping off or, more accurately, snapping his fingers so he was miles away and then stomping around a bit.

It figured that an angel would be cold, indifferent, and lacking in empathy. He should have remembered that from Before.

He missed the way Aziraphale reached out for him in bewilderment as he left.

It only took a few days for him to return to Aziraphale with a grudging apology and an offering of some food he'd miracled into existence. Aziraphale had simply nodded in acknowledgment and they'd moved on from there.

-x-

"You know, you never told me why you're watching them," Aziraphale said as he munched consideringly on a grape.

"Surely you must know," Crowley said in disbelief. He waved Aziraphale's offering away. He liked grapes and food but he didn't like it nearly as much as Aziraphale and it was rather nice to watch him eat his fill. There was something bizarrely satisfying about it.

Aziraphale considered it for a moment. "You're my adversary," he said understandingly. "You're here to spread wickedness but you haven't pursued it as much as I thought you might."

"Might be doing it while you're not looking," Crowley said with a smirk.

"I fail to see how that's the case. You're always with me." Crowley's smile immediately vanished. "I won't let you have your way, you know," Aziraphale continued. He chewed on another grape and Crowley couldn't help but think that Aziraphale was made up of contrary traits. It was endearing how he claimed he would stop Crowley, act as if they were enemies, all while insistently pushing food into his hands as if they were close friends.

"I didn't expect you to. But you know, I don't think it would be all that difficult to rile them up."

"Good Lord, haven't you done enough to them already?" he demanded.

"If I left it at that Hell would have something to say about it. They're not the forgiving sort down there, you know."

"Oh, never mind all that," Aziraphale sighed. Crowley finally accepted a grape as a peace offering and wondered why he'd let the matter drop so suddenly. The angel's nose was scrunched up in consternation. "I really should be guarding the eastern gate but… what's there to guard?" he said quietly to himself. "The humans aren't there anymore."

Crawly shrugged nonchalantly. He didn't particularly care whether Aziraphale was doing his job or not. Guarding a gate that was already being watched by God sounded like a pointless task to him.

"I thought you were given the okay to be out here," he said because he honestly had. He'd made the bit about Aziraphale being Heaven's agent on Earth up to Beezlebub but he'd figured it was more or less true or would be.

"Well, sort of. I didn't really ask but God never said I couldn't."

"Ha! The demoted angel just keeps on testing fate is what you're telling me."

Aziraphale glowered as much as an angel could glower. The effect was positively ruined by his chewing. When the last of the grapes was gone he heaved a sigh before turning toward him once more.

"You know," he said in a softer tone of voice, "I meant to ask how you're holding up. I know God wasn't pleased with you either back then."

That was a surprise. He supposed compassion was better late than never. "No, but it's hard to top 'eternal damnation' as a punishment. It was the other snakes that got it."

"The other snakes?"

"No legs," he said nonchalantly. "It was supposed to be my thing but so much for that."

"I don't really get the no legs thing. I mean, you have them right now."

"Yes, but not when I'm a snake."

"Well, do you think you're going to go around as a snake again anytime soon?"

"Not really," Crowley admitted. "Not all that fond of being so near people's feet."

"Not much of a punishment really," Aziraphale said. "You can avoid it whenever you like."

"You're forgetting the 'damned for eternity' bit."

"Oh, right…"

They drifted into an uneasy silence that lasted quite a long time by human standards but they were eternal; it didn't seem all that long even as the sun slowly made its trek across the heavens.

-x-

Unfortunately, Aziraphale was correct to be worried about Crowley watching over the humans not that Crowley had intended for anything particularly nefarious to happen.

"He's dead!" Aziraphale exclaimed in horror staring down at Abel's still body. Cain had run off in terror or possibly just confusion. He had no idea how terrible his crime really was just yet.

Crowley could feel the emptiness radiating from Abel's still body. Whatever had been there before, the person, was long gone. Crowley supposed Abel must have gone to Heaven but Aziraphale was so overcome he wasn't sure. He felt hollow inside, remembered his conversation with Aziraphale from before, and wondered what it said about him that he couldn't help but feel incredibly neutral about the whole thing. If Crowley had had access to modern medical knowledge he would have recognized it as something like shock.

"This has never happened before," Crawly murmured. He valiantly refrained from poking the body in morbid fascination as if that would somehow bring it back.

"Of course not you rascally serpent! Oh, this never would have happened if I'd just watched over that tree properly to begin with," Aziraphale moaned.

Crowley appreciated how when it came to anything really important Aziraphale managed to twist it around to be his own fault. He had it down to an art form. Crowley was almost offended; he was the mischief-maker around here. Still, much as he wasn't particularly keen on having an angel's wrath descend upon him he couldn't let him go on thinking he'd caused the first murder on Earth.

"I… may have had something to do with this," he admitted.

"The whole apple business? I know, dear fellow, I know." He gripped him consolingly on the arm and Crowley felt even worse. Angels (or maybe just this one) really were good at making him regret his sins.

"Er, yeah, there's that and, well, you know."

"What, exactly, do I know?" Aziraphale said, his eyes narrowing.

Crowley grappled for words, his mouth bobbing up and down awkwardly before he finally said, "Look, he just asked me if I thought it was fair for God to accept one offering and not the other. I just gave my honest opinion."

Aziraphale buried his face in his hands. "I don't even know why I'm surprised. It's in your nature to wreak havoc and discord and, oh, did you tell him to?" He looked up at him, torn. "Did you encourage him to murder the same way you encouraged Eve to eat that apple?"

"What? No! I just said God was an unfair lout, that's all. I didn't think he'd up and kill his brother over it!"

"God is not a—oh, never mind. Really now…"

They both gazed down at Abel a while longer in dismal silence.

"I don't suppose I can miracle him back to life, can I?" Aziraphale said quietly.

"No, I don't suppose so," Crowley said miserably. "I'm sorry, Aziraphale."

"It's not your fault, not really. They have free will! Isn't that marvelous…"

Crowley remained silent. He knew what happened to angels who asked too many questions and Aziraphale was dangerously close to doing just that.

Eventually Aziraphale ushered them away from the scene. Crowley had wanted to console the family but Aziraphale convinced him otherwise.

"There's still the matter of you and Eve," he said gently. "She would despise you all the more if she found out you had anything to do with her son's death."

He heard their cries of horror and he heard the thunderclap of God's voice as She punished Cain. For a split second Crowley feared he might face righteous judgment once more himself but he was left blessedly (ugh!) alone.

I didn't mean for this to happen, he thought miserably.

"Do you think he understands his crime?" Aziraphale said when they were back at the same cave he'd taken him so long ago. It was Aziraphale's home of sorts, had been for a while, and considering how often Crowley stayed with him it was nearly his, too.

"Doubt it," Crowley said. He laid out beneath one of Aziraphale's fruit trees, cushioned his head with his arms and propped a leg up. He made sure his robes kept him modest but he allowed his hair to fan out behind him. He didn't look to confirm it but he could feel Aziraphale's disapproving frown.

"It's his first," Crowley continued, unperturbed by the angel's scrutiny, "and the first mistake is always the hardest to accept." And impossible to undo, he added silently.

"I suppose you'd know," Aziraphale said testily.

Crowley remained silent and eventually Aziraphale miracled himself somewhere else. Crowley could feel a faint trail of divine energy heading east. He couldn't discern how far he'd gone but ultimately it didn't matter; he'd have to return at some point. It was their jobs to oversee these humans until there were finally more humans and they could branch out.

Now that he was alone he allowed himself a moment to contemplate where he was in the world and how things were already changing. Knowledge of good and evil and the first murder committed. Not even the first death. No, the humans went straight for murder. He wondered, what did it say about God's latest creation that they had to be punished again and again? He thought of Abel's blood, slowly creeping across the earth, and the shattered cry of the land as it realized what horror had been done.

"No, you can't undo that," he murmured to himself. His eyes slipped closed and he thought about damnation and curses and whether the Earth was any better off than the rest of them. He always did ask too many questions.

Author Notes:

I think I'll edit this a bit more later but the chapter is basically done. I hope you all enjoyed!

Edit: I edited things to include Cain and Abel's sisters because otherwise it's hard to explain where all the other humans came from. The names are from the Midrash according to the admittedly quick research I did. If there are any errors let me know!