omg this took me more than a month to finish. why am i like this... T^T
anyway, WARNING : SLOW SUFFERING FOR Y'ALL (prolly haha)
PLEASE SCRAM NOW IF YOU DON'T THINK YOU CAN HANDLE IT

Enjoy~

Bakugou arrived at school unusually early that day. Part of it was because he refused to walk to the school or even seen leaving the house together with Midoriya by anyone. Even if that means skipping a lap of his regular routine for the morning jog. Another was because of a certain redhead.

Bakugou insisted he's just giving the other a chance to explain and see what he had to say. Though somewhere in his heart, he clearly knew that he's maybe, just maybe, giving himself an opportunity as well to accept Kirishima's feelings. He knew it was sort of silly and that he'd appear to be impatient in seeing Kirishima Eijirou, which is why he's definitely in denial for that part.

However, no matter how early he's, there was no point to it if the awaited teen hadn't shown up. A big yawn interfered Bakugou's thought as he rested his chin on the back of his hand. Now he's just plain bored.

The blond took out his phone, swiping the screen back and forth until he decided on a blue bird icon and pressed it. He began scrolling through his twitter timeline with an unnatural speed, wasn't even paying attention to any of the post. Bakugou isn't exactly the type to be active on social media and the likes, but as one part of the so-called 'millennials', he'd at least have an account for whatever purpose of its existence is. His red eyes then coincidentally landed on a post by Kaminari Denki of some photos. He swore he didn't click on them for details when he saw a redhead in those.

「Sleepover with the squad! (･ω) 」

Was captioned on the post of 4 similar photos consisting Kaminari himself, Ashido, Sero and Kirishima. Bakugou glanced at the '8:36 PM' and the date of a day before below the post. For some reason, it pissed him off. He clicked his tongues in dismay before hitting the home icon and tossing his phone randomly on the desk.

How could that damn shitty hair have the leisure to hang out and have fun with the idiots while Bakugou's wracking his brain over stuff? And what's more? He didn't even invite Bakugou. No, it was not because he didn't want to be left out by the stupid gang or whatever. He simply couldn't cope with the fact that Kirishima didn't ask him out when he's usually so overly persistent in dragging Bakugou to join them. Bakugou avoiding him wasn't an excuse. Unreasonable? Yes, he's well aware and so be it. He is not Bakugou Katsuki for nothing after all.

It irritated the blond the more he thought about it. He leaned back on the seat, inserting his hands on his pocket while kicking the chair in front along with a loud, "Goddammit!" Startling some of his classmates in the room. But he couldn't care less.

Now that he thinks about it, Kirishima had tried quite a few of dumb ways in approaching Bakugou. It was pretty amusing actually. Maybe he's just a tad bit looking forward to what Kirishima would give a shot to next. Just like that, his mood was lightened in an instant. Unconsciously, a faint smile started to form on the edge of his lips.

The rest of his classmates gradually filled the empty seats in the class. Though he didn't pay attention to it, not until he saw Midoriya Izuku who sat right behind him marching closer and he threw a nasty look to the innocent boy. Noticing how time had passes, Bakugou turned his head around and saw Kirishima who had just arrived at his own seat.

Finally.

Their red orbs met. There was a really, really brief moment of awkward silence before the redhead placed down his bag and leapt to where Bakugou is, shouting, "Morning, Bakugou!"

A frown inserted the said teen's face. It was a bit of a letdown, Kirishima's action that is, but he hadn't seen the worse coming yet. Later on that day.

"…what?" The word left his mouth sounding weirdly. Like his throat was stuffed with years' amount of mucus. Like an old man's raspy voice that hadn't been speaking in decades. He was certainly not prepared for such a direct approach—which is supposed to be normal.

Kirishima stood kind of stiffly next to the sitting Bakugou. He stole a quick glance at the trio gathered around Kaminari's table that were raising thumbs at him.

Tension immediately left Bakugou's body. For a split second, the redhead was brimming with confidence, yet he turned out to be just as nervous. But he managed to get Bakugou's response right off the bat. At least that was worth praising?

"We need to talk!" stated Kirishima after getting himself together again. He was looking straight into Bakugou's eyes, leaving the other no choice but to comply.

Bakugou would claim that he has no soft spot for absolutely anything, though he probably wouldn't really mind if it's Kirishima with that unwavering look of his. It was pretty legit to say that his heart skipped a little beat witnessing that. Nevertheless, he kept the poker face on.

"…Fine." Said the blond as he slowly stood up, ready to go with Kirishima, just to be halted by the boy himself.

"E-Eh? Not… not now!"

"Huh?"

"L-Lunch break, I guess…?" Kirishima stuttered, scratching the back of his head and averting his gaze in the process.

"What the fuck?!" Habitually, the explosive boy held out his hand in ready stance to blow something up.

"Well then, see ya later, bud!" the redhead sprinted away as soon as he finished talking.

"Hey, fucking hair-for-br—"

Aizawa Shouta cutting Bakugou's line with his entrance afterwards totally didn't help at all. Grumpily, the teen had no other option but to properly get seated. He swore he's going to make Kirishima pay for that.

"Yo, shitty hair, let's eat together." Said Bakugou in an ever so comforting voice. A hand on his lunch tray, while the other on Kirishima's shoulder. His grip was not one to be made fun of. When Kirishima turned around, he could almost see the manifestation of a demon behind the smile plastered on Bakugou's face.

"Y-Yessir…" answered the redhead, shuddering in fear. He quietly surrendered to the nearest table guided by Bakugou, with the rest of the 'BakuSquad' in toes.

Bakugou was not going to let Kirishima ran away or made lame excuse anymore after the guy chickened out that morning. He had the nerve to get Bakugou all worked up then up and leave just like that. He certainly needed applause for that.

The blond didn't leave Kirishima out of his sight the whole time during lunch, then dragged him away as soon as the other put down his spoon and uttered, "Thanks for the food!" Their other 3 companions couldn't do anything but silently watch as they go. And maybe pray for Kirishima's well-being.

"So," Bakugou started, raising an eyebrow and arm crossed in front of his chest as he spoke. "spill it out."

Kirishima stared at his own feet and the floor as if they're much more interesting than the object before his eyes, which is Bakugou Katsuki. The blond waited. But it didn't last long. He was impatient. He was not going to waste another second anymore after gaining the resolve to hear things out from Kirishima.

"Oi, Kirishi—"

"I'm so sorry, Bakugou!" exclaimed the redhead with both his hands clapped in front of his face.

Fortunately, the other teen seemed to have made up his mind as well. Bakugou got his line cut off again, but he was not mad this time. Instead, he was utterly perplexed, yet it was nothing compared to the next thing he heard.

"Let's just forget the thing from the other day."

Bakugou's mind went blank for a moment. "What…?"

Kirishima added with a gawky laugh. "You know what I mean, haha. Just… pretend it didn't happen."

Red pupils of the blond widened in disbelief. He was tongue tied and couldn't process Kirishima's words well in his head. Or that he simply didn't want to accept it. Explanation. He needed a decent explanation before his head decided that he didn't hear it wrong or misinterpreted it.

"I… I didn't know that it would bother you that much. I mean, of course it would, huh? A random guy kissing you out of nowhere. So if you hate it to the point that you'd avoid me, then I think I should really apologize after all. Sorry for making you uncomfortable…" the redhead rambled on, but no. Those weren't what Bakugou wanted to hear. Those weren't what he hoped to come out from Kirishima's mouth.

Wait… Was Bakugou actually hoping for something? That couldn't be. Could it?

"…y?" Bakugou muttered under his breath.

"Eh?"

"Why did you do that in the first place?" If you are just going to tell me to forget about it.

"Uh… well, j-just on the whim? It was… it was a mistake. It didn't mean anything, really."

On a whim? Mistake?

An unknown source of pain invaded Bakugou's chest. He should be feeling relieved. All the stress building up from thinking about something petty that turned out to be no big deal after all had finally reach a closure. Sure, there was irritation. But more than anything, he should be feeling relieved. Yet what was with the discomfort he felt in his chest?

Well, he actually realized what it was.

"Oh… so that's it, huh?" Bakugou's voice was slightly shaking, though he doubted that Kirishima noticed it. So the teen quickly fixed it before adding with his normal tone. "Then say so from the start, you moron!"

Kirishima opened his mouth in response, but nothing was said. He seemed to be hindered by something in his mind, which in return, Bakugou failed to notice as well. Kirishima found his words back after a pause. He burst into a loud, apologetic laughter. That seemed pretty unnatural, truthfully. However, again, Bakugou didn't catch that. As he was preoccupied by how shaken he himself was.

"Yeah! Sorry, man!"

"Fuck you. Would you normally kiss a dude out of joke though."

"That's why! I told you I'm sorry!" More laughter. "Now that the misunderstanding's clear, we're still buddies, aren't we?"

"Right, whatever." Answered the blonde nonchalantly.

"Cool!" Kirishima beamed. "Let's go back to the class. Kaminari and the others might be worried since we're suddenly gone."

The redhead hastily turned his back to Bakugou. Before he started taking the lead and stepped away, Bakugou stopped him with a question that suddenly struck him.

"Hey, shitty hair…" Bakugou faltered for a second. Knowing there was nothing more to lose, he went for it. "Black-eyes said, there's a chick you like."

Kirishima looked dazed, then confirming in an unenthusiastic way. "Uh, yeah… there is."

"Someone I know?"

"Nah… you don't know them."

From his position, the blond could hardly see the other teen's expression, but judging from the tone of his voice, Kirishima didn't seem really keen to expand the topic. Given that, Bakugou figured he wouldn't pry deeper into it. Learning more was pointless anyway. It's not like it would make him feel better. Instead, it might just be worse.

"I see." The blond made it short since there's not really anything he could reply with.

"Then, let's get back?"

"Yeah," Bakugou didn't follow right after Kirishima started walking. He stood there and watched, with wistful eyes, the back of the redhead getting further and further away from him. Ah, so this is how heartbroken feels.

The blond teen looked up to the vast sky above him. The weather was rather sunny that day, which hardly matched his mood at all. He tilted his head back down, emptily stared at the distance on his way home. The street instead, was unusually quiet, making it perfect for him as if to compensate for the weather.

At that very moment, Bakugou was internally fighting the will to laugh at himself. At his once in a lifetime idiocy. He already knew that he couldn't please and liked by everyone. Not that he wished for it anyway.

Yet, what was he expecting?

At some point, he started thinking—whether consciously or not—that at least Kirishima Eijirou alone would accept him and love him however he is. He was satisfied with just that. He was taking him for granted.

Bakugou clenched his fist. Holding back the tears that was about to slip down, but to no avail. A few droplets managed to escape from his red orbs, followed closely by a stream of it.

Now of all time, he finally realized that he had fallen in love with Kirishima. No, he might have an image of it already the moment they kissed, but was he a fool for strongly denying it? It had to take a harsh truth of the other had no whatsoever feelings toward him and it was all a massive misunderstanding on his side to finally recognize his own. And by the time he had a name for his feeling, it was all too late already.

It was him all along. The one who seeks for the other's attention. Yearns for the other's presence. But they are never more than friends. And never will be. For crying out loud, as smart as he is, Bakugou should have known that there's no way that Kirishima Eijirou, who is perfect in every way would think of him as a love opponent. He's strong, has wonderful personality, dazzling smile and loved by anyone he meets. He deserved someone better than Bakugou.

What the fuck?

Bakugou furiously wiped away the tears all over his face with his sleeves, lifted his head when he's done and started stepping forward. He didn't work his ass off and come to UA to mope around like a loser over a heartbreak or two. Even after this, his goal had not change right from the start. He's going to be a top hero that surpassed All Might. In order to do that, he would even push down that feeling of his. He had to. He was a little distracted, but now's the time to get back on the saddle and paced toward that path of his.

As for Kirishima Eijirou, he should be delighted already to at least have a 'best friend' he could rely on.

The night before…

Kirishima shifted his gaze between his phone and the television screen back and forth. He knew fully well that it is foolish of him to be expecting a text from Bakugou Katsuki. Putting aside the fact that the blond doesn't even check his phone often—much less starting a chat with anyone, including Kirishima—Bakugou's clearly avoiding the redhead. As much as he would deny it, he's making it pretty obvious.

First of all, there's the lunch break. Bakugou initiatively joined Midoriya's table—which is most likely just because that was the nearest table with available seat. But still, he'd rather sit with 'Deku' than waited for Kirishima like he usually does?

After discussing it with his friends, Kirishima tried several attempts to approach Bakugou. And the result? He wouldn't be moping around and spacing out in Kaminari's room while everyone else was making a fuss over a match of Mario Kart, if any of them worked.

Sero recommended him to go with the casual way. Come at the blond teen naturally and find the chance to talk with him later. It sounded nice, but actually was the fastest way to get turn down. Bakugou uncharacteristically ran away right off the bat before Kirishima even finished shouting his name when they saw each other in the alleyway.

Kaminari is dumb. Everyone knows that. And Kirishima secretly thinks so as well, but would never say it out aloud, taking his buddy's feeling into consideration. What he didn't know was that even his idea was pretty dumb. Who'd even suggest passing notes or leaving one in Bakugou's locker if not for the infamous Chargebolt? Hagakure and Ashido laughed at him and stated that as a reason Kaminari isn't popular with girls. Though Kirishima tried it anyway, just to get his notes burned down by explosion of course.

Cornering and trapping the blond boy on the wall between Kirishima's arms so he would listen to the redhead properly. That wasn't worth trying. The girls came up with the most impossible mission. Either Kirishima'd have his face blown up before he started speaking or he'd stutter his words out of being nervous and got his face blown up anyway. Alas, the redhead already failed in the first step. Apparently they all forgot for a moment how agile Bakugou is.

"Hey, what's with the long face, dude?"

Kirishima turned to the source of the voice, to find a teen his age with dark hair put on a wide grin with his noticeably straight teeth. He then buried his face on the cushion he's been squeezing for a while now. "I don't even know anymore…"

"Bakugou again? He's a tough one, isn't he?" Kaminari pointed out, his attention still glued onto the TV screen and controller on his hand.

"But just the best when you get… HIM!" added Ashido with a little too much of excitement at the end of her sentence after outpacing Kaminari in the match. "Yeay! My victory!"

"Argh! What the hell? That's cheating, man!" whined the blond before continuing the conversation. "Is he really the best though?"

"You just sucks!" Ashido giggled. "Is he not?"

Kaminari put a hand on his chin in a thinking pose. "Well, I mean, wouldn't it be hard to cope with him if you started dating or something? Honestly, I'd rather go for the type that's cheerful and easy to talk to."

"That's just your own preference, isn't it?" the pink-haired girl sighed in mockery.

"Eh? I thought everyone likes that?"

"Nuh-uh."

"I would go for that though."

"Sero…! I know, right?!"

"It would be even better if they're a bit dumb." Said Sero playfully.

"What's with that?" Both laughed out loud and somehow lost sight of what their main subject was until Ashido Mina beat some senses back into them.

"You two! It's about Kiri though! Pay attention, won't you?" yelled her in annoyance.

Kaminari and Sero instantly fell into silence as they guiltily looked at each other, then at Kirishima.

"Sorry, bro~ I guess we got ahead of ourselves." Exclaimed Kaminari. He inched closer to the redhead and tackled him with a hug from the back.

"Yeah, sorry! All because of Denki-kun's stupid rambling." Sero added, which wasn't helping at all.

"Hey!"

"Haha, it's fine, guys! Sorry for making you worry. I really don't want to make things gloomy, you see? So, it's okay. Just leave me alone." Assured Kirishima with a strained smile that was not in the slightest convincing.

"What are you saying?" Ashido quickly protested. "We're always ready to help!"

"Yeah, dude."

"Now that I think about it," said Kaminari as he released his hug from the redhead. "What are you going to talk to Bakugou anyway?"

"Confession?! Are you going to confess?!" chirped Ashido.

"A confession out of the blue?!" Kirishima continued with mumbles. "I don't think I'm ready for that yet…"

"So what are you gonna do?"

"Well… I didn't really think about it, but there's something I wanna ask him. Though seeing Bakugou's reaction, I don't think the answer matters anymore." Devastation clearly heard in his tone.

"What do you mean?" Kaminari pried.

"I don't think he likes me…"

"You sure about that, dude?"

"Eh~? But I'm quite sure that Baku likes you back though~"

"No way…" denied Kirishima, as much as he wanted to believe those words as true. "Why would he desperately avoid me then? He probably hates me now. Even being a buddy is over, huh?"

Silence filled the room for a short brief before Ashido Mina threw herself on the redhead with a big embrace.

"Now, don't be so down, Kiri!"

Kirishima forced another strained smile on his face. It might not seemed sincere that way, but deep inside, Kirishima truly appreciated his friends' help and effort to cheer him up. To the point he felt bad for troubling them sometimes. "Thanks, guys. But I really don't know what to do anymore."

"How about pulling back though?"

All attention was directed to no one but Kaminari Denki in an instant. They gave him a puzzled look without saying anything, demanding him to elaborate.

Noticing that, the blond teen went on. "I mean, we don't know for sure what Bakugou might be feeling and none of our methods worked anyway. Since push doesn't work, why not trying pull back? Stop chasing him down and act normal. I think he'll stop avoiding you soon as well."

"…and then?" Sero asked instead of Kirishima.

"Hmm…" Kaminari paused. "Pretend that you don't have that kind of feelings toward him maybe?"

The only female of the group clapped her hands in understanding while the rest of the members were still left in maze. "Oh, are we 'playing hard to get'?"

"Uh, yeah… I guess."

"W-Wha…?" Kirishima stuttered.

"Okay, okay, lemme continue!" Ashido raised her voice in excitement. She was suddenly really into it. "If Baku feels the same way as you do, he'll definitely have a reaction when you pull back. But! If he doesn't act any differently, then too bad, sweetheart. He may not be the one for you." She shook her head dramatically

"Eh? Isn't that kinda unmanly though?" The question came out as if he's asking for them to convince him otherwise. Kirishima had doubt, but wasn't too quick to decide. He might be quite desperate too to actually consider the idea he'd normally turn down right away.

"That's the only way, Kiri!"

The redhead looked at Kaminari after Ashido, sort of seeking an answer to persuade himself.

"At least you can still be buddies again afterwards?"

Then he turned to Sero Hanta who hadn't been voicing out his opinion.

"Well, personally, I don't think that's a good idea. But, what Ashido and Kaminari said makes sense too."

Kaminari's statement made the offer ultimately tempting for Kirishima. He averted his gaze from his friends and got lost in his thought for what seemed like an hour—when in truth just took no more than 5 minutes. Kirishima had been stressing over this matter for sleepless nights. He was tired. He was tired of regretting the mistake he'd done. Of worrying what the person he likes thinks of him. Of looking for a way to mend their relationship.

If Kirishima had known how it was going to turn out, he'd rather not realize his feelings whatsoever right from the start. It would have been better if they stay as friends. He clenched his teeth tightly then slowly released them as he took a deep breath. His chest ached with the words spoken. "I guess… you're right."

This is for the best.

Kirishima paced up his steps. Faster and faster, until he started sprinting. Not even noticing that the other teen was not coming along with him and that he was not even heading to the classroom like he had originally planned to. The redhead ran into and locked himself in a toilet stall. The instant he slammed the door behind him, the tears welling up at the corner of his red eyes burst out uncontrollably as he slowly crouched down on the floor.

This is for the best.

He had had a clue that his love was unrequited and hopeless. He knew the other couldn't possibly like him back. He came up to Bakugou all prepared to be turn down. He had replayed the scene he imagined over and over in his head, but it was all in vain. When it came down to the real deal, Kirishima handled it much poorly than he thought he would. It hurt much more than he expected it would. It was so horrible that he himself was surprised Bakugou didn't say a word to it. The boy was far smarter than Kirishima is. There's no way Bakugou didn't see through him and his worthless lies.

No, no, no, he was sure he hid it pretty well. The blond teen wouldn't have known for he acted so normally. Or did he? Kirishima didn't even know anymore. His head is a mess. His cheeks are wet and burning. He couldn't really think straight. But he tried hard not to sob or make any sound audible to outside of the stall he's in.

What the hell is a mistake? What the hell didn't mean anything?

At that moment, Kirishima Eijirou was fighting the urge to beat himself up to a pulp. For having to resort to something so unmanly such as running away and holing up in his comfort zone instead of facing the problem head on. So he could still stay by Bakugou's side. Even only as a friend.

He was afraid. Afraid that things wouldn't be the same anymore once he did it. Afraid that he would ruin the friendship he had worked so hard to build between them. Afraid that Bakugou Katsuki would hate him. Kirshima couldn't forgive how cowardice he is and there's absolutely no excuse to it. Yet he still couldn't bring himself to confess and properly get rejected. 'Friendship' was all Kirishima had to be able to connect with the blond. He didn't want to lose that at worst.

That's enough. He thought. The redhead stood up and wiped away his tears with the back of his hand. He stepped out of the stall and started washing his face.

Even though Bakugou is constantly working hard to be stronger and chasing after his dream, what on earth was Kirishima doing dawdling around like that? He didn't train and study hard to get into UA to kick back and enjoy his sweet time in high school, did he? He's going to be a hero that can stand strong to protect everyone. Now he got to snap and get back on his gear. Even if it means giving up on his feelings toward his 'best friend'.

the exciting part is from here onwards (hopefully) ;)
im gonna apologize beforehand if there are parts that doesn't make sense. cuz i kinda forgot what i was planning when i wrote the earlier chapters so i just came up with things i can think of now. but i've tried to fix it as best as i can.
oh and i think I've kinda change the way I write about Baku which is quite surprising for me. what do you think?

Regardless, thanks for reading~
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