Synopsis: Lena Daniels has been in love with Jax Teller for half of her life. As she finally gains his heart, an old love comes back to Charming and threatens their future. Will Lena be able to handle Tara, and Jax's steady rise into the President's chair with SAMCRO?
Pairings: Jax Teller x Lena Daniels (OC), Jax Teller x Tara Knowles (past, mentioned), Jax Teller x Wendy Case (past)
Time Setting: Seasons 1-7
Warnings: DARK FIC fluff, angst, unprotected sex (wrap it, before you tap it, folks), pregnancy, miscarriage, insecurities, infidelity, canon SOA violence & gore, STRONG language, drug & alcohol use, lots of taking the LORD's name in vain, mentions of racism, mentions of rape, and character deaths
Author's Note: So, this is my first Sons of Anarchy story for those of you who are fans of the show. This fic is a Dark Fic. It is set during the timeline of the entire series, but I'm not going full canon. There will be things that are actually what happened in the show, but with my own twist, and things that are not show canon. The narrative is set to fit the story itself. If you are a Tara Knowles fan, be warned, as this story may not be for you. Also please HEED the warnings. They are there for those get triggered by certain topics. I will post another warning before each chapter to give a final warning. Please if you want to be tagged just in time for first chapter, please hit up my ask. I will gladly tag you all.
Chapter 8
Lena awoke the next morning, and she had expected to wake up alone. Exactly like she had been the past several weeks. But to her surprise, Jax was still lying next to her dead asleep to the world. His right arm, bearing a tribute tattoo to his father, John Teller, was wrapped securely around her waist. His blond hair laid messy and matted to his head, and it looked as if his growing beard was fuller than normal.
Lena slowly turned in his arms, gently beginning to trace the fresh ink of Abel's name etched right above Jax's heart. A tattoo that he had gotten a few days ago, in celebration of his son finally coming home.
Last night as Jax and Lena made love, Lena thought she would wake up feeling painfully guilty that she allowed herself to let him break her walls so easily. Again. But for some strange reason, she didn't.
Although, there was definitely something off between Lena and Jax last night. The sex was great; as it always was. But Lena felt some kind of disconnect from Jax. Even though she wasn't feeling guilty, she could tell that maybe he was. She knew that if it was guilt he felt, it more than likely had something to do with Tara, his meddlesome ex. And if it did, Lena wasn't so sure if she wanted to know.
As Lena's finger got the L of Jax's tattoo, she felt his hand gently grab her wrist, immediate halting her actions. She then looked up, just as he was opening his eyes.
"Hey," Jax grunted, bringing her hand to his mouth and pressing a kiss on the back.
"Hey," she replied, lying her head on his chest, the sound of his heartbeat soothing her.
"How'd you sleep?" Jax questioned, as he pulled her further into his embrace.
"Pretty good. You?"
"Same." He responded and leaned forward, now pressing his lips to her forehead.
The both of them laid there for a few moments, in silence, before Lena pulled herself away from him and sat up.
"Jax, we need to talk." Lena told her Old Man, pulling the sheet up to cover her naked breasts.
The blonde outlaw biker sighed heavily, also sitting up. He knew that that was coming sooner or later.
Lena swallowed thickly, trying to figure out how to begin, because they really had a lot of ground they needed to cover when it came to their relationship. "Things are not good between us, Jax. They haven't been for a while now. I think mostly it's because of Tara coming back and turning things upside down for us. And then losing the baby was another set back." She confessed, looking over into his crystal eyes. "I love you, Jackson. I'm just not sure where you and I really stand anymore."
Jax nodded, listening to every word that Lena was saying, that he knew was right. They were not in a good place, and he wasn't even sure he knew how to rectify it. He then released another deep breath, reaching over to grab Lena's hand in his. "Look, honestly, Tara coming back stirred up some old feelings in me that I didn't know I still had. Then I realized what I have with you, what we have is more than whatever I had with Tara. I love you too, Lee."
Lena felt a sense of relief in the pit of her stomach, but she still couldn't help but think about that photo Stahl shoved in her face yesterday.
"Jax, yesterday, Stahl showed me a photo of you and Tara hugging at the hospital the day after I was released. I knew exactly what she was trying to do. She was trying to get me to rat on the club by using my insecurities -if you want to call it that- of your relationship with Tara. But, I told her to go to hell."
"I'm so sorry, Lee." Jax ran a soothing hand up and down Lena's arm.
"I know this completely stupid," Lena hesitated, releasing a deep breath, "but why were the two of you hugging in the first place?" She felt silly for even asking this question, but she needed to know the truth.
Jax ran a hand down his face. "I was going to see the kid when I ran into Tara. She was freaking out about what we did to Kohn, and I was just trying to keep her calm."
"We? What did you two do to Kohn?" Lena questioned, and Jax went to speak, but she cut him off. She knew exactly what he was about to tell her. "And please don't say you can't tell me because you want to protect me. I deserve to know the truth, Jax."
Jax looked down for a few moments, before looking back at Lena. "Full disclosure?"
"Full disclosure."
"When I went to Tara's that night, I found out that Kohn didn't leave for Chicago, like he was supposed to." Jax began to explain. "He had attacked Tara and tried to rape her, but she shot him in the stomach before I got there. She was panicking, and didn't know what to do. Kohn was still alive, when I actually got there, and he was saying all of this shit -shit I really tried to ignore- but then he mentioned you, and I went on instinct. I killed him."
"Jesus Christ, Jackson." Lena hissed, feeling the knots twisting in her stomach at Jax's confession.
"So, Tara didn't have to deal with it, I buried Kohn's body somewhere outside of Charming. No one will ever know where."
Lena sat back, letting Jax's words sink in, the knots twisting themselves even more. In jist, she knew what kind of man Jax was. She had seen him get violent to protect the club and those involved with the club, herself included. But she had never seen, or he had never openly admitted to killing someone to her before.
"You okay?" Jax whispered, his heartbeat quickening in his chest. He had no idea what she was thinking. "You're kinda quiet."
"Is that all that happened?"
Jax was surprised that she didn't question him about killing Kohn, but went silent, contemplating on what to tell her. The "yes" just easily slipped from his lips, but she didn't look his way. "Hey, look at me, please." He then reached over and grabbed her chin to face him, and he brushed his lips softly against hers. "I'm not gonna do anything to hurt you, okay? I love you so much, Lee." He kissed her one last time, pulling her into his embrace. "When shit hits the fan, please remember that?"
Today was the day that Little Baby Abel would finally be coming home. So, of course, Gemma was in complete Grandma Mode, going all out by throwing her grandson a huge welcome home party. So, when Lena made her way into Jax's home, it was already decorated with blue and green balloons, with matching streamers. She even gave a small smile at her Old Man's mother struggling to try to hang the "Welcome Home, Abel" banner.
Gemma turned to the sound of a small giggle, and saw that Lena was standing there watching her amused.
"You think this shit is funny?" Jax's mother spat, a little amused herself.
"I actually think it's adorable, Gemma." Lena teased.
"Well, don't just stand there, help me."
Again, Lena giggled, tossing her purse down on the couch. She then pulled one of the many plastic chairs that were scattered around the room, to the opposite side of where Gemma was standing. The chair gave a slight wobble, when Lena went to stand on it, and she felt like her spiked heel was going to poke right on through. As she finally righted herself, she grabbed the other end of the oversized banner and held it up. Gemma then tacked her side down and then quickly tossed the pack of thumbtacks to Lena, so she could tack her side down.
When both women finished, they both stepped down and back to check out their handy work.
"Does it look crooked to you?" Gemma questioned, folding her arms across her chest.
Lena looked at the sign hanging over the door to back patio. It was a little crooked, but she wasn't going to tell Gemma that. "I think it looks fine, Gemma."
Gemma looked at it again, knowing damn well she couldn't see it properly without her glasses. "I think it looks crooked."
"Well, I'm not getting back on that chair." Lena told Gemma, shaking her head. "So, if you want to fix it, you're on your own."
Now it was Gemma's turn to laugh.
"Hey, Gem, we need more…"
Both Gemma and Lena turned to see Wendy, Jax's ex and Abel's mother, coming from a room that Lena believed was Abel's nursery and pausing right in front of them.
Jax's Old Lady and his ex-wife just stood there staring at each other awkwardly.
"Jesus Christ." Gemma exasperated, pulling the two girls from their trance. "Wendy, what are we out of?"
"Uh," Jax's ex-wife began, looking at Lena and fidgeting from one foot to the other, "we're out of streamers."
"Alright, I'll go and get some more. You two play nice, please." Gemma said stomping her 9 inch boots out of Jax's home.
As Gemma left, Lena and Wendy, again, stood there awkwardly staring at each other. They had no idea what to say to each other. This was vastly different from how they used to be in the past. There was a time that Wendy and Lena were always at each other's throat, that usually ended with a brawl. There was one point, when the girls got physical, they had nearly trashed the clubhouse. Jax had even forced both of them to stay away from each other.
Well, until that day Lena and Gemma found Wendy in Jax's kitchen.
But now- now you would think these two were strangers with how they were acting.
"Hi," Wendy spoke, finally breaking the morbid silence.
"Hey," Lena replied back, before it went silent again.
Lena then watched as Wendy continue to fidget where she stood, grabbing at her arm. It was a tell-tale sign of an addict.
Wendy released a deep breath, breaking their silence again. "Look, I know this situation is a little awkward now considering our history. But," she hesitated, wiping a hand across her sweaty brow, "I want to tell you, Thank You. Gemma and Jax told me that you'd been there and stepped up for Abel when I couldn't."
Lena nodded in appreciation. "Even with our history, Wendy, Abel is still apart of Jax. I love that little boy as if he were my own. But I know that you're his mother, and I don't want to take that away from you."
"I appreciate that." Now it was Wendy's turn to nod. "And, hey, I'm sorry about what happened to your baby." Lena just gave her a small smile as an understanding. "So, did you want to finish helping me decorate?"
"Gemma wouldn't have it any other way." Lena joked, causing Wendy to chuckle softly, as the two of them went to finish their work.
Lena was never really a smoker, but there were times of stress where she found herself indulging in some herbal activities.
Jax's house was now hustling and bustling with visitors for Abel's party. It was mainly the club members, Donna and the kids, Luann, and a few croweaters.
Lena was left to play host while Jax and Wendy went to pick up Abel from the hospital to bring him home. She was a little upset and somewhat jealous that she wouldn't be the one bringing Abel home with Jax, but she realized that Wendy needed this to keep her sobriety in check.
So, against Gemma's request, Lena decided to tear herself away from the party and found herself sitting on the back porch, smoking a joint that Juice was happy to donate to her cause. She was hoping and praying that no one would find her. She was sick of the sympathy looks from losing her baby and now losing Abel. Also Luann was continuing to secretly recruit Lena for her next project.
Lena's hopes were dashed when the sliding glass door to the porch opened, and she was approached by a shadowed figure. When she realized that it was Opie, she was actually kind of relieved.
"So, this is where you disappeared to?" Opie questioned, taking a seat on the extra lawn chair by hers.
Lena took an inhale of her joint, letting the smoke course through her system, before blowing it out. "Yep. I had to get away, Ope, because if I hear Luann talk about anal rimming one more time, I was gonna stab myself and her with my boot." She gestured down the spiked heel on her boot.
Luann Delaney was a former porn star who married into the club, and one of Lena's mother's best friends. Otto Delaney was her husband, one of the First 9. He was supposed to be serving a six year sentence in Stockton for second degree murder and theft, but due to his heinous and violent acts to protect the club while on the inside, time would only continue to add for him. Now Luann, waiting for Otto to be paroled, proudly owned a porn company named Cara Cara. Ever since Lena turned 18, Luann was determined to get that girl in front of the camera. Lena was never interested and continued to turn her down.
Opie chuckled softly, accepting the joint that Lena was handing his way. "So, how are you?" He took his own inhale.
Lena groaned, rolling her eyes to the dark skies. "If one more fucking person asks me that. Jesus."
Again, Opie chuckled, handing her back her joint. "I'm sorry. You must be getting that a lot."
Lena then turned her Old Man's best friend. "Duh."
"Okay," Opie nodded, a grin still on his face, "so let me ask you this. How do you feel about both Tara and Wendy being here in Charming?" That question deserved another hit of her joint. "That bad, huh?" She didn't even have to answer, as he already knew. "Look, Lee, I know Jax, and I know that you mean more to him than you think he lets on. He does love you."
"But is love even enough though?" Lena whispered into the night sky, watching her smoke billow in erotic swirls.
Opie then released a deep breath. "I mean, I can say it is. Look at my wife. She stuck by me when I was locked up for 5 years. She raised our kids alone because I wasn't man enough to stay out of trouble for them. Her love for me is what saved our marriage. So, think about that." He playfully bumped his shoulder with hers. "I'm gonna head back inside." He stood from his chair, leaning forward to kiss Lena's temple and went back into the house.
Lena then finished off her joint, trying to let Opie's words sink in. Yeah, love was enough for Opie and Donna's relationship, but did that mean the same for her and Jax?
Lena was freshening herself up when there was a knock at the front door, and like the good host she was now trying to be, she went to answer. But the moment she opened the door, she was half tempted to slam it closed, as she was now face to face with the good ole Doctor Tara Knowles.
"Christ, you're like a fucking cockroach who apparently doesn't comprehend very well." Lena spat bitterly, sick of seeing this woman's face. "Why are you here?"
Tara swallowed, adjusting her purse strap on her shoulder and folding her arms across her chest. "I was actually invited."
Lena's brows furrowed in confusion. "By who exactly?"
"Jax and Wendy." Tara muttered, looking down at her shuffling feet. "They, uh, wanted to thank me for all I did for Abel."
"That's what they wanted?" Lena questioned, not really believing her. Tara nodded, and Lena just decided that she just didn't give two flying fucks anymore. "You know what? Fuck it. Come on in, Doc. Have a beer. Choke on a fucking streamer. I don't care anymore." She told Tara, standing to the side, allowing the good doctor into Jax's home.
Lena just watched as Tara made her way into the party, receiving questionable stares from the other guests. They all seemed surprised that she was even there. Even Donna's brow furrowed in confusion, as she gave Lena a look.
Lena just shook her head at Opie's wife and muttered to herself, "I need a drink."
Jax and Wendy finally arrived to the house. Jax was carrying Abel in his arms, as the infant received lots of cheers and welcome homes from their family and friends.
Jax was all smiles happy to have his son home and to be able to share it with the ones he loves. Especially one person in particular. He then looked around the room in search for his Old Lady's face, but he didn't see her anywhere. That concerned him a bit. He knew that she was a little hurt that Wendy was going with him to pick up his son instead of her.
As everyone continued to dote on Baby Abel, Jax leaned over toward his mom. "Where's Lena?"
Gemma then eyed the room herself, not finding her either. "I'll go find her." She kissed Jax's cheek and Abel's head, before stalking to find out where her future daughter in law went.
Lena found herself in Jax's room sucking down a bottle of top shelf whiskey that Clay had provided the party from the clubhouse stock. She was casually looking over the photos on his dresser. There was one of the club. One of Jax and his little brother, Thomas, from when they were younger. There was the one of her that Jax claimed he really loved, and then there was one of the two of them sitting on his bike.
Sighing heavily, Lena plucked the picture that was comfortably tucked in the corner of the mirror. She flipped it over, and it read: Jax + Lee 2001. She remembered when this picture was taken. She was just about to turn 19 in this photo, and this was probably the happiest that she had ever been. Then a few days later, her entire world shattered when she watched as her mother took her Grandfather's pistol and shot herself in the head. Lena could still smell sickening stench of her mother's blood and the hot barrel of that gun.
As the memory of her mother's death, painfully, flashed through her head, Lena took another hard swallow from the bottle. She then tossed the picture down back on the dresser.
"There you are." Lena heard the sound of Gemma's voice, looking over at her standing in the doorway. "Jax is looking for you."
"Good for him." Lena rolled her eyes, taking another drink.
"You okay?" Gemma questioned, something seeming a bit off about Lena. "I see Tara sitting her happy ass out there. You want me to tell her to go?"
Lena shrugged nonchalantly. "Do what you want, Gemma. I don't give a shit about Tara fucking Knowles. Not anymore."
"Oh boy." Gemma muttered, finally making her way over to Lena. "Look, fuck that bitch, alright? You're Jax's Old Lady, not her. That means something."
"Heh, yeah right." Lena stumbled a bit and shoving the bottle back toward her mouth.
Gemma was quick to interfere, snatching the bottle from her hands. "Okay, this is what's not going to happen. My son already has one junkie broad to deal with for at least the next 18 years. Don't add to it." She told Lena, while Lena just rolled her eyes in annoyance. "Go clean yourself up, sweetheart. I'll go make you some coffee. Just go be with your Old Man and his son. Show that bitch, that you ain't going nowhere."
Lena looked up into Gemma's bright eyes, swallowing thickly and nodding. Gemma then gave her a small smile, leaning forward to kiss her cheek.
Jax was surprised to see that Tara was here in his home, comfortably sipping on a beer. When Wendy extended the invitation, at the hospital while he was signing the paperwork for Abel's release, he didn't think that she'd actually show. But here she was.
"Can we talk?" Jax asked his ex, as he took her Abel's room. "What the hell are you doing here, Tara?"
Tara stood taken aback, setting her beer down on Abel's dresser. "You invited me."
"Wendy invited you actually." Jax clarified. "I just didn't think that you'd actually show up. Lena's here, and we're not in a good place right now. You being here is not gonna help the situation."
"You are so full of shit, Jax." Tara hissed in anger. "Don't make it look like I'm the only one in this situation between us."
Jax sighed heavily, running a hand across his face. This was something that he did not want to do tonight. "Look, Tara, whatever happened between us that night, it never happened, okay?"
Tara looked at her ex in disbelief. She didn't think that he'd brush what they did under the rug. She really thought that they were on the same page. "How can we pretend that it never happened, Jax?"
"Because I just have to." The blonde biker seethed in frustration. "I love Lena. I want to be with Lena. I never wanted it to go this far."
Tara rolled her bright green eyes in annoyance. "You never wanted it to go this far?" She questioned in an accusing tone. "I'm sorry, but did you love Lena that night when you were having sex with me?"
"It was a mistake, Tara." Jax stated firmly.
Tara scoffed in offense. "A mistake?" The good Doctor immediately felt ashamed and foolish. "Yeah, you're right, it was a mistake, Jax. Coming back to Charming was a huge fucking mistake." She then turned to stomp her way out of the room.
"Tara." Jax tried to reach out and grab her arm, in order to stop her from doing something stupid. He knew that his ex could be heartless at times. Especially when she was angry and hurt.
"No!" Tara taking Jax grabbing her arm as a defense, whipping her body around, and connecting her open palm to his cheek. She immediately realized what she did, regretting it for a moment at the look on his face. As Jax just stood there, she took that as her cue and continued to leave.
Jax waited a few seconds, after Tara walked out, before finally leaving the room himself. As he watched her angrily search for her things, the sound of a familiar engine coming to life caught his ear. He considered himself to be a mediocre mechanic, at best, but he definitely knew the sound of that engine.
Jax walked over to his front door to his home, just as Tara was about to make her way out. He then caught the tail end of Lena's Mustang recklessly cutting across his lawn, tires screeching down the street. His felt his heart fall into the pit of his stomach, obviously knowing that Lena had just overheard his and Tara's conversation.
"Shit." Jax hissed, and his immediate response was to chase after her.
Jax then turned back to the living room, and all eyes were on him. He knew that they all wanted to know what was going on, but nobody wanted to ask. He made eye contact with Gemma, who was now holding Abel, and she gave him the okay to leave.
Jax searched all over town for Lena. He searched for her at her house and the old spots she used to go when she used to run away from home. He even looked for her at St. Thomas. He couldn't find her anywhere, and he was beginning to freak out a little.
When Jax finally found Lena, she was at the last place that he expected her to be, but he knew it should have been the first he checked. He pulled his bike into Teller-Morrow and saw her Mustang illegally parked sideways between two parking spots. Hopping off his bike, he quickly went in search for her.
She wasn't in the garage. She wasn't in Gemma's office. She wasn't inside the clubhouse or even in the apartments. When he walked back outside, his frustration had hit an all time high when he decided to look up. Then he saw her. His heartbeat quickened, watching as Lena drunkenly walked the ledge of the roof of the clubhouse.
"Jesus Christ." Jax exasperated to himself, before quickly running back inside the clubhouse to climb his way up to the roof.
When Jax made it to the roof, Lena still hadn't realized his presence, as she continued to walk the ledge like a tightrope. He noticed that she was also holding a bottle of liquor.
Jax didn't want to call out to her, in fear that she might get startled and fall. So, he waited until she was in the right spot, before he wrapped his arms around her waist and quickly pulled her away.
Lena yelped immediately dropping the bottle from her grasp, hearing it smash against the concrete. She already knew who it was who pulled away from the ledge. She could recognize his scent from a mile away.
"Get the hell off of me, Jax." Lena snatched herself away from his grip, stumbling in the process.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Jax accused, mostly in anger, for what he had just seen her doing. "You realize you could have seriously gotten hurt or even killed?"
"You lied to me." Lena threw back, ignoring his questions. She was also angry, along with frustrated and really devastated. "You said nothing else happened that night, Jax."
"Lee," he tried to approach her.
"No!" Jax screeched, shoving him back, hard. "Don't fucking touch me. Don't even come near me, Jax."
Jax sighed, feeling the knots twisting his stomach. This is what he didn't want to happen. He didn't want to see the look on Lena's face. "I fucked up, Lee, a'ight. It was a mistake. Tara means nothing to me. I know that now."
"You son of a bitch." Lena choked out, feeling the tears starting to slip down her cheeks. He didn't know until now? "I don't even know who's more to blame for this happening, you or me. Because I knew this was gonna happen. I'm so stupid."
That was another stab to Jax's gut.
Lena went to walk away to gather her bearings, but nearly lost her balance. Jax was quick on his reflexes to help her, and that ended up being the second time he had gotten slapped that night. But Lena didn't stop there. She shoved him back several more times, while her tiny fists beat angrily on his chest.
Jax just took it. He knew he deserved it.
When she couldn't hit him anymore, Lena collapsed in Jax's arms, heavy sobs wracking her body.
"I'm so fucking sorry, baby." Jax whispered into hair, holding her close to him. "I'm so sorry."
After a few moments, Lena finally found the strength to pull away from him. She looked up at him, tears still pouring down her face. She trembled, feeling her chest becoming tighter with each breath she took. "I can't do this, Jax. We're done."
"Lee, don't…" This was definitely not what Jax wanted. He needed to find a way to fix this.
The two of them were cut off by the sound of Jax's ringing cell phone. Jax contemplated not answering it, but it just continued to ring. He sighed heavily, pulling the phone from his pocket, seeing his mom's name flashing across the screen. He just knew that she was calling to see if he found Lena yet.
"Ma, this is not a good time." He finally answered, keeping a close eye on Lena, who was making her way back over to the ledge.
Jax tried to listen to what his mother was saying, as he watched Lena stop and look down below them. Her curls blew idly as the wind picked up a bit, and he could still hear her sniffling softly. His heart was shattering seeing her so broken right now. He was wishing that he could take everything back.
The color immediately drained from his Jax's face when he heard his mother's devastating news. When he snapped his phone shut, he looked at Lena a few moments before cautiously making his way over to her. He then placed his hands on her shoulders and was surprised when she didn't shrug him off.
"Lee, we gotta go." Jax whispered softly, squeezing her shoulders softly. "Something terrible just happened."