Pairings: Jax Teller x Lena Daniels (OC), Jax Teller x Tara Knowles (past, mentioned), Jax Teller x Wendy Case (past)

Time Setting: Seasons 1-7

Warnings: DARK FIC fluff, angst, unprotected sex (wrap it, before you tap it, folks), pregnancy, miscarriage, insecurities, infidelity, canon SOA violence & gore, STRONG language, drug & alcohol use, lots of taking the LORD's name in vain, mentions of racism, mentions of rape, and character deaths

Author's Note: So, this is my first Sons of Anarchy story for those of you who are fans of the show. This fic is a Dark Fic. It is set during the timeline of the entire series, but I'm not going full canon. There will be things that are actually what happened in the show, but with my own twist, and things that are not show canon. The narrative is set to fit the story itself. If you are a Tara Knowles fan, be warned, as this story may not be for you. Also please HEED the warnings. They are there for those get triggered by certain topics. I will post another warning before each chapter to give a final warning.

Chapter 9

Donna Winston was dead.

When Jax got the message that his best friend's wife had been killed, he didn't tell Lena the full details, but she just hopped on the back of his bike anyway. In a matter of a few minutes, they pulled up to an intersection where Opie's truck had been parked at the traffic light. Cop lights were flashing all around and a square of caution tape had been set around the crime scene.

Jax was the first to hop off of his bike, rushing over to his best friend, who had pushed his way past the yellow tape. Lena then watched, as Opie dropped to his knees, cradling his wife's dead body in his arms, and sobbing uncontrollably.

Lena didn't know if it was from all the alcohol she'd consumed throughout the night or the sight of Donna Winston's bullet riddled body, she instantly felt sick. She quickly leaned over to the side of Jax's bike and released the contents from her stomach.

Everything continued to happen in a blur. Rumors had quickly spread that Donna's death was a retaliation of the Oakland gang, One-Niners. Although, no one understood why the 9ers would retaliate against Donna, since they currently had no beef with SAMCRO.

The next morning Lena found herself helping out Mary Winston, Opie's mother, with any necessary arrangements or helping around anyway she could. Opie and the kids were completely distraught, as they should have been.

As Lena went to put away more food that had been dropped off to the Winston home, Jax was making his way through the front door. She immediately stopped in her tracks the moment he stood in front of her. Things were awkwardly quiet between them. Last night he'd dropped her off at her house and no words had been spoken between them.

"Hey," he spoke first, removing his shades from his face.

"Hey," she responded back, swallowing thickly.

"How long've you been here?"

Lena shrugged, folding her arms across her chest, closing herself off from him. "Since early this morning. I took a cab to pick up my car from the garage. I just really wanted to be here to make sure that Opie and the kids were okay and to help out as much as I could."

"Lee," Jax exasperated, noticing that she didn't want to even look him in the eye.

Lena shook her head dismissively, looking down at her shuffling feet. "Jax, please don't. This is not the time for us. Your best friend just lost his wife. You need to focus on and be there for him. Me and you," she hesitated for a moment, "we're not important right now."

When Lena finally did look up at Jax, she could see the hurt in his crystal eyes, but he just nodded anyway. "Where is he?"

Lena tossed her head toward the backyard. "He's outside with the kids."

Again, Jax nodded, making his way out to the back porch to comfort Opie.

Lena just watched him walk away from her, feeling her heart breaking with each step he took. As much as she wanted to comfort him, knowing that Jax was hurting for his best friend, Lena, herself, was still hurting from what happened between them before everything really fell to shit.

Jax had lied to her about everything that happened between he and Tara.

Jax had slept with Tara.

Even just thinking about it, almost picturing it in her mind, caused a searing pain to burn through Lena's chest.

Lena's first instinct was to run out of the Winston household and go drown her sorrows at the bottom of a whiskey bottle, like she had been doing lately. Like she had seen her mother do for all those years prior to her suicide. But Lena tried to suppress all of that to the back of her mind.

Like she just told Jax, whatever bullshit was going on with them, was not important. But Lena knew eventually that she and Jax would have to deal with the status of their relationship sooner or later.

Just not today.

Saying goodbye to a beautiful friend was top priority.

Lena and Donna weren't exactly best friends, but they were definitely close. They both attended the same high school, but never really hung out in the same circles. It was hard for Lena to make friends, because she was the new girl in town and her only association was with the notorious Sons of Anarchy. Most of those in Charming either hated or feared the Sons.

It wasn't until after high school that Lena and Donna became fast friends, when Donna began dating Opie. Lena was Donna's maid of honor, in the wedding, and her and Opie made Lena godmother to their daughter, Ellie.

When Opie went to prison, Lena and Donna's friendship kind of got placed on the back burner, as Donna was distancing herself from anything that had to do with SAMCRO.

Now Lena felt guilty that didn't spend as much time with Donna as she could when Donna was alive.

"Hey,"

Lena was broken out of her thoughts when she turned around to see Opie's mother, Mary, standing right behind her.

"Hey, Mary." Lena gave her a small, comforting smile. "I probably already know the answer to this, but how're feeling?"

Mary swallowed thickly, a somber looked in her blue eyes. "This is so heartbreaking." Her bottom lip trembled.

Lena automatically felt the tears stinging the back of her eyes. "I'm so sorry this happened." She reached out to pull Opie's mother into a tight hug.

Mary released a deep breath, returning the gesture, also squeezing Lena tight. "Thank you so much for being here, Lena. We really appreciate it."

Lena nodded, releasing herself from Mary's hold. "Anything you need, I'm here."

Mary gave Lena a watery smile, before reaching up to push a curly tendril of Lena's hair behind her ear, before resting her hand underneath Lena's jaw. Lena immediately understood what Mary was telling her just by the look in her eyes.

Mary was young when she fell in love with Piney, and they married fairly quickly. She soon found herself pregnant and living in complete regret. She stayed with Piney a few more years after Opie was born, but she had finally had enough. Mary then took Opie, packed their belongings, and left Charming. Of course, Opie ended up returning, wanting to be with his father, and that broke Mary's heart.

"So," Mary cleared her throat, walking over to the sink to begin on the dishes that were sitting in there, "I saw Jax coming in. How's that going?"

Lena sighed heavily, still not wanting to have to deal with her and Jax's current situation. "It's complicated, Mary."

Mary again nodded in understanding, rinsing off a plate and sitting it in the dish rack. "It's always complicated when it comes to those Sons."

"Tell me about it." Lena muttered, leaning her hip up against the counter next to Mary.

When Mary finished the rest of those dishes, she then turned her full attention to the young woman standing sadly in front of her. Mary noticed that Lena was looking a bit distraught, and she knew that it had more to do with her son's best friend than her daughter in law.

"Sweetheart," Mary began, drying her hands, "I know this is not my place, but I love my son, dearly. But this lifestyle he and his father live is dangerous for everyone around them. I believe you're a smart girl, Lena, but I also know how charming these men can be, and I'm not trying to tell you this to scare you or to be insensitive to my daughter in law, but please just take what happened last night into consideration. Get out while you can." She finished, reaching up to caress Lena's cheek and then retreating from her sight.

Lena just stood there, allowing Mary's words sink in. Even with Donna's death looming in the air, Lena never even considered that something like this could also happen to her. There was a rule in certain MCs that she knew about specifically. Like women and children were off limits. But Donna's death definitely proved to be just the opposite.

Lena quickly shook that thought from her head. Her and Jax were in a bad spot right now, but she knew that he wouldn't let any physical harm come her way.

Lena was shoving another sympathy casserole dish into the already overcrowded refrigerator when she turned to see Jax making his way back into the house.

"Hey,"

"Hi," Lena hesitated, "how's Ope doing?"

"He just lost his wife, so…" Jax said, shoving his hands into his jean pockets. "Can we talk?"

"Jax," Lena sighed heavily, not sure if she really wanted to do this. Especially after she told him that now wasn't the time.

"Just give me a few minutes, please." Jax told her, sorrow written in his crystal eyes.

Lena contemplated for a moment, before she told him, "fine."

Jax nodded and then proceeded to lead Lena out of the house and onto the front porch, where the two of them took a seat on the steps.

Things were quiet for a few moments, before Lena heard Jax say, "I'm sorry, Lee. I never meant to hurt you."

"Then why did you do it?" Lena whispered, trying to hold back her tears.

Again Jax went quiet, and Lena thought that maybe he was trying to come up with another lie. "Honestly," he spoke, looking out ahead of himself, "it just felt familiar." He immediately felt Lena tense beside him, before he turned to face her. "It was never my intention to sleep with Tara, it just happened."

Lena then let out a sarcastic chuckle, not even looking his way. "So, what now, Jax? You want me to forgive you? Because, I can't,"

Jax cut her off. "I know you can't, Lee. And I'm not expecting you to."

"Maybe it was a mistake for us to do this you and me thing, Jax." Lena muttered softly.

Now it was Jax's turn to shake his head dismissively. "No, it wasn't. I do love you, Lee,"

"But you love Tara." Lena finished for him, the bitterness rolling off her tongue.

Again, Jax shook his head. "Not in the way I used to. I meant what I said about what we have being more than what I could ever have with Tara."

Things get quiet again, before Lena spoke. "So, where do we go from here?"

Jax shrugged. "I don't know. That's up to you, Lee." He said, and Lena immediately looked at him, not exactly sure what he meant by that. "But whatever you decide, I'll respect your decision." Jax then stood up from his spot on the stoop, leaning down to kiss the top of Lena's head.

Lena then watched as Jax made his way over to his bike, starting it up, and taking off from her sight.

Today was the day that they were to finally lay Donna to rest. Opie had made the decision to not have a wake for his wife and that the best thing was to give her a proper goodbye.

Lena had rode in with Gemma, as SAMCRO and other available family charters led the processional.

Well, minus Jax.

Jax had disappeared for a whole day from Lena's radar. She didn't know whether to be relieved or worried. Jax had also left her with the ultimate decision to make about the status of their relationship, which she had decided, but wasn't sure if it was the right decision. She also immediately knew that something was wrong when she saw Jax's kutte at the clubhouse. She knew for a fact that he never left anywhere without it.

Something had to have gone down since the night Donna was killed.

Now Lena found herself sitting squeezed in between Gemma and Mary, as Donna's closed casket laid before them.

Lena was surprised to see that Tara had the audacity to show up at Donna's funeral, when the doctor barely even knew Opie's wife. Lena wanted so bad to make her way over to Tara, to tear her apart for her part in what she and Jax did, but restrained herself out of respect for the Winston family. But sooner or later, Lena was definitely gonna have a talk with the good doctor.

As the priest was reading the last of the Hail Mary's, Lena saw Jax finally appear. He was casually making his way through the cemetery. He was wearing the same clothes she last saw him in, minus his kutte that Juice was now holding onto.

As Jax further approached them, Lena could feel the tension coming off from him and Clay. So, she knew right then and there, that something definitely went down between them. Lena also noticed the bruise that had formed in the corner of Jax's mouth, where it looked as if someone had struck him in a fight. She then remembered that Tig was also sporting some black and blue bruising across his face as well.

Lena swallowed thickly, releasing Gemma's hand from hers, and standing to her feet. She then made her way past the Winstons, Wendy, and Tara; all eyes were now on her. She snatched Jax's kutte from Juice and met Jax half way. She held open and quickly helped Jax slip back into his kutte, where it belonged.

Jax turned to face Lena, knowing what the look in her eyes meant for their relationship. He leaned forward, brushing a soft kiss on her cheek, before caressing it with his thumb. Making his way to Donna's casket, Jax grabbed a flower and laying it on top of it. He then turned to face Clay and Tig, before stalking off.

After the funeral, Lena found Jax, still in the cemetery, sitting on top of his father's headstone. He was smoking a cigarette, while reading over a thick packet in his hands.

"Hi," Lena squeaked out, as she approached Jax cautiously, and he immediately looked up at her.

"Hey," Jax spoke, blowing smoke from the last part of his cigarette out, before flicking the butt to the ground.

"What happened?" Lena questioned about bruise on his mouth, but Jax kept quiet. She immediately knew that it was something he didn't want to tell her for her protection. "Okay, can we talk?"

Jax nodded, shoving whatever he was reading back into a manila envelope. "I already know where this is going, darlin'. I can see it in your eyes."

Lena released a shuddering breath, feeling her emotions starting to bubble in the pit of her stomach. "Jax, I love you. I've loved you since I was 15, and as much as this is gonna hurt me to say this," she hesitated a bit, "I can't do this anymore." She whispered, feeling two tears slip down her cheeks.

Jax looked off for a moment, taking it all in. Then he turned back to Lena, nodding. "Okay," he said, looking up at her surprised face, "I told you I'd respect your decision. But just because we're not gonna be together, doesn't mean I'm not gonna stop loving you, Lee. Or even be there for you, whatever you need."

Lena swiped the tears that continuing to fall down her cheeks, before making her way over to him. She then leaned forward, pressing her lips to his stubbled cheek. "Goodbye, Jax." She told him, before walking away.