Synopsis: Lena Daniels has been in love with Jax Teller for half of her life. As she finally gains his heart, an old love comes back to Charming and threatens their future. Will Lena be able to handle Tara, and Jax's steady rise into the President's chair with SAMCRO?

Pairings: Jax Teller x Lena Daniels (OC), Jax Teller x Tara Knowles (past, mentioned), Jax Teller x Wendy Case (past)

Time Setting: Seasons 1-7

Warnings: DARK FIC fluff, angst, unprotected sex (wrap it, before you tap it, folks), pregnancy, miscarriage, insecurities, infidelity, canon SOA violence & gore, STRONG language, drug & alcohol use, lots of taking the LORD's name in vain, mentions of racism, mentions of rape, and character deaths

Author's Note: So, this is my first SOA story. It is set during the timeline of the entire series, but I'm not going full canon. There will be things that are actually what happened in the show, but with my own twist, and things that are not show canon. The narrative is set to fit the story itself. If you are a Tara Knowles fan, be warned, as this story may not be for you.

TRIGGER WARNING: mentions of rape and assault, ptsd

CHAPTER 12

Lena sat impatiently on the examination table of St. Thomas's emergency room. She was completely shaken up, trying to come to terms with what happened to her not even an hour ago. She felt unclean and wanted nothing more than to throw herself in the shower to scrub this horrific night away.

But she knew she couldn't.

Lena had no idea how she was able to make it to St. Thomas. After her attackers had left her behind, she just laid there, wallowing in guilt and shame. When she was finally trying to pull herself together, she thought about calling the cops, but not only was her phone completely destroyed, she didn't want what happened to her to go on record. She thought about walking back to Teller-Morrow, as she knew the party was still going on, but she also didn't need or want Jax involved. She couldn't call a cab, and she was in too much pain to walk a long distance. So, that bus, she had intended on catching at first was her last resort.

As she rode through town, Lena could feel the stares from the other bus riders on board. They were obviously staring at her still disheveled appearance. Her stockings were torn, and she had cuts and scrapes up and down her legs. She could feel the left side of her face starting to swell, as she tried to cover it with her now tangled, straightened locks.

No one said anything to Lena about her appearance, and no one ever got the chance. Once the bus stopped at her destination she quickly hopped out.

Now, as she waited to be seen, Lena let out a choked sob. She was ten seconds from hopping off the table and bolting for the nearest exit, when an unfamiliar doctor walked in.

"Hi, I'm Doctor Peters. You must be Miss," he looked down at his chart, "Daniels. What brings you in tonight?"

Lena couldn't hear the sound of the doctor's voice over the sound of her racing heart. She knew she shouldn't have come here. She just wanted to go.

Lena quickly made a run for it, but was stopped when a hand grabbed her elbow. Her mind immediately flashed to when her first attacker grabbed her, and she reacted through instinct when she connected a right hook toward whoever grabbed her.

Lena gasped in shock, coming back to reality, as she watched the ER doctor stumble backwards.

"Son of a bitch." The doctor hissed, grabbing at what he thought was his broken nose. When he pulled his hand away, it was stained red. "Fuckin' great. I said didn't want to do after hours ER, but nope. Goddamn it." He muttered, before turning to Lena, ready to chew her out.

Doctor Peters then noticed Lena's demeanor. She was huddled against the front door, obviously frightened. She was bruised and battered, and her clothes look like they had been torn. He finally realized that this girl had been attacked.

"Hey," Doctor Peters said, after quickly cleaning himself up, tried to reach out for Lena.

Lena shoved him away, not wanting to be touched.

"I'm sorry." The doctor instantaneously stepped back in surrender. "Did someone hurt you? If they did, I can help you."

Lena released a shuddering breath. All she wanted to do was crawl in a hole and die. "I don't need your help." She choked out. "I just want to get the hell out of here."

"Wait," Doctor Peters called out to stop her from leaving, "you came here for a reason, right? You wanted to get help. We can help you."

Lena swallowed thickly, trying to hold back the bile that was threatening to spill everywhere. She shouldn't have come here. She should have just stayed in that spot on the cold, wet ground. It was what she deserved.

"I want Tara Knowles." Lena didn't know why she said it, but it was the first thing that came to her mind.

Doctor Peters looked at Lena in confusion. "Dr. Knowles is neonatal."

"I don't care." Lena whispered harshly. "You said you wanted to help. I want Tara Knowles."

Doctor Peters nodded, giving in. "Okay. I'll get you Dr. Knowles. But just promise you'll stay and get help." Lena gave him a silent nod in return. "Alright. Just wait here. I'll get her for you."

—

Tara had just come off of a 14 hour shift. She had three back to back surgeries with assisting Dr. Namid. Her last patient of the night, she was checking on, was a little baby girl born with a hole in her lower abdomen. Much like Abel.

Tara was ready to just call it a night and head home. She was going to take a long, hot shower, finish off her leftovers from the night before, and sleep. Before she had to do it all again tomorrow.

As she checked her phone, disappointed with no missed calls, she heard her name being paged over the intercom.

"Dr. Knowles you're need in ER. Dr. Knowles you're needed in ER..."

Tara sighed in frustration, shoving her phone back into her lab coat. She loved her job—truly did, but damnit, sometimes she just really wanted some sleep.

When Tara dragged herself to the ER, she immediately spotted Doctor Nicholas Peters, St Thomas's newest and youngest resident, waiting for her. Her brows furrowed at the sight of his bandaged nose.

"Hey, is everything alright? What happened?" Tara pointed to Dr. Peters's injury.

Dr. Peters released a deep breath, hand going to his nose that luckily wasn't broken. "Patient in exam room 27, looks like she was attacked. If her right hook was any indication." He explained, pointing to his nose. "I'm guessing my presence spooked her, and she requested you specifically."

"Me?" Tara questioned, a little nervous about this mystery patient.

Doctor Peters nodded, handing over the clip chart. Tara reluctantly took the chart and made her way into the room. The last person she had ever expected to find was Lena Daniels of all people sitting on the exam table.

Tara and Lena had the world's most complicated history. Of course, all of it pertaining to a certain blonde biker. When Tara left Charming ten years ago, she knew that Jax and Lena would somehow find their way to each other. But it didn't mean it wouldn't hurt like hell to know that it did. She knew that Lena had Jax in ways that she could never have.

Of course coming back to Charming, Tara hadn't expected to fall back into the same toxic routine she was in when she was 19. But here she was, standing in the presence of the woman that she and the former love of her life had betrayed.

Continuing to make her way into the exam room, Tara was mostly shocked and surprised by Lena's current state. The woman she was envious of looked beyond frightened, barely able to keep herself together. Tara noticed the abrasions and gashes that were scattered across Lena's legs, where her stockings had been ripped to shreds. She was sporting a split lip, a black and purple eye, and more lacerations across her left cheek.

"Lena?" Tara finally spoke.

Lena quickly looked up from nervously chewing on her thumbnail, at her boyfriend's ex or her ex boyfriend's current. She really didn't know what was what anymore.

Tara could see the trauma in Lena's eyes. "What happened, Lena?"

Lena released a shaky breath, trying to hold back the tears. "I need," she hesitated, trying to force herself to say it out loud. "I need you to do a rape kit on me."

Tara stood there in shock. Lena had been...raped? "Jesus," the good doctor exclaimed.

Lena then swiped harshly at the tear that managed to slip down her cheek. "Look, I don't want your pity or your goddamn sympathy. I just want to get this shit done, so I can get the hell out of here."

Tara nodded, not exactly knowing what to say at this moment. "Okay. Did you need me to call someone for you? Unser, Gemma, Jax—"

Lena shook her head, immediately cutting Tara off. "No. No cops. And no Jax."

Tara sighed heavily. "Doing a rape kit, as a professional, morally, I have to report it."

Again Lena shook her head dismissively. "You report any of this, it gets back to Jax. And I don't need Jax or any of SAMCRO to know about this."

"Lena," Tara hesitated.

Lena quickly cut her off again. "I don't care what you have to do, just keep this off record. You owe me that much."

Now Tara's brows furrowed in confusion. "What do I owe you, Lena? I get it, you're still angry about what happened between me and Jax—"

"Yeah, while I was losing my baby with Jax, he was balls deep inside of you while that creep ATF Agent Kohn laid dead right next to you." Lena spat, watching what little color on Tara's face drain.

"How...how do you know about that?" Tara stuttered nervously.

"Who else, Tara?" Lena sniffled, rolling her eyes. "Jax told me everything that happened. Obviously out of guilt."

Tara then went on the defense. "So, what? I don't give into your demand of not reporting your assault, and you go to the cops about Kohn?"

Lena let out a watery chuckle. "See, that's the thing, Tara. No matter how much Jax may fuck me over for any pussy in town, including yours, I will never be a rat. And throughout everything, I still love him."

Tara swallowed thickly, letting Lena's words sink in. The good doctor was now feeling guilty for what happened between her and former boyfriend that night. After Jax had come to her rescue and shot the man she'd been trying to escape dead in front of her, she was a mixture of scared and relieved. Then she and Jax ended up in a situation that was too late for them to back out of. Emotions were high, and they allowed their history to repeat itself.

Tara just didn't know where she stood with her outlaw biker ex. After that night, Jax had been pretending that it didn't happen. She assumed that they would at least try to be friends, but until a few days ago, she stopped hearing from him.

"So, what's it gonna be, Doc?" Lena asked, breaking Tara out of her thoughts.

Tara looked over at Lena's fragile state for a few moments, before finally giving in. "We need to get you cleaned up first."

Tara released a heavy sigh, removing the latex gloves from her hands and tossing them in the nearest trash can. As she grabbed the chart, she took a quick glance over at Lena, who laid silently exposed on a different examination table.

Tara had Lena moved to a much quieter room to complete the examination. During the entire process, Lena was quiet. Eerily quiet. Tara always knew the girl was kind of loud, boisterous, and somehow always in the middle of drama. But what Tara was seeing now was a completely different person.

The guilt continued to eat at her.

"You have um," Tara began, swallowing thickly, "a number of small tears. But it's nothing that won't heal on its own." The doctor then helped Lena sit up. "I'm gonna get you started on some antibiotics right away." She stated, and Lena gave her a look of concern. "It's just standard procedure. It's to treat for chlamydia and gonorrhea, even before the test results are back."

Lena hissed, as Tara went to change the butterfly bandage on the open laceration on her cheek bone.

"Your lip doesn't need stitches, and your other cuts will also heal on its own." Tara began again, taping the small piece of gauze on Lena's cheek. "Now are you sure you don't want me to call anyone to at least get you home."

Lena immediately shook her head. "No. I'm okay doing that myself."

Tara finished up her notes, writing Lena a quick prescription for her antibiotics. "Did you drive here?"

Again Lena shook her head. "I took the city bus."

Tara looked at her ex's Old Lady in surprise. "Jesus. How do you plan on getting home?"

Lena swallowed hard, feeling a bit annoyed by Tara's questions. "I'll figure it out. Are we done here?"

Tara released another sigh, nodding her head. "Yeah, we're done." She then handed her the prescription. "I'm gonna let you get dressed. I'll be back in a couple of minutes."

Lena nodded and watched as Tara began to head out. Once Tara shut the door closed, Lena was able to let her resolve crumble a bit. She didn't want the good doctor to see her so broken. The woman had taken enough from her already.

It was hard and painful for Lena to put her clothes back on from the paper gown Tara had given her when they switched from the ER to another room. She nearly cried out in discomfort, bending over to pick up her shredded underwear and stockings.

Lena's stomach churned, as she held a hand to her face to hold back another choked sob. She could still feel their hands on her skin.

Someone then knocked on the door, causing Lena to jump in fright.

"Hey, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." Tara apologized, opening the door and walking in. "You all set?"

"Um," Lena quickly swiping a fallen tear from her cheek, stuffing the dirty reminder of this horrendous night into a plastic bag. "Yeah." She swallowed, turning to face Tara. "I'm good. Thanks, doc."

Tara nodded, folding her arms across her chest. "No problem."

Lena took that as her cue. She grabbed her things and began to limp her way out of the room. But as soon as she made it to the door, Tara stopped her.

"Hey, Lena," Tara called out, causing Lena to turn and face her again. "Look, I just got to clean up here and I'm done for the night. If you are willing stick around, I can take you home."

Lena shook her head dismissively. "That's not necessary, Tara. You've done quite a bit for me tonight. I can find my own way home."

"Really, it's no problem." Tara protested. "In fact, I insist."

Lena stood at the door for a few seconds, thinking over Tara's offer, before giving in. "Fine, you can take me home."

The ride to Lena's house was quiet and awkward. The only sounds that could be heard were coming from the Cutlass' old, growling engine and the classic rock playing on low on the radio.

Tara silently kept checking on Lena, who was sitting next to her on the passenger side . She noticed that Lena was having a tough time trying to find a comfortable way to sit, and she began to feel sorry for her. No matter what was going on between them, no one deserved this.

Ever.

"It's the left by the stop sign." Lena spoke, pointing ahead of herself.

"I remember where it is." Tara countered softly.

Tara would never forget the times that many years ago when she and Jax would get into their heated arguments, only for him to storm out, and hours later, she'd find his bike parked in Lena's mom's driveway.

A few moments later, Tara was pulling the Cutlass up right behind Lena's Mustang. She quickly placed the car in park.

Lena sighed, grabbing her stuff and opening the car door. "Thanks again, Tara. For...everything."

All Tara could was nod. Then all of a sudden, she had no idea what came over her. It was either the guilt or the pity Lena said she didn't want, but she stopped Lena once again.

"Hey, Lena,"

Lena huffed silently, turning back to look at Tara. She just really wanted to get into her house and leave this night in the past.

Tara was quiet for a few more uncomfortable moments, before blurting out, "I'm really sorry."

Lena looked at the good doctor in confusion, furrowing her brows. "For what? What happened to me or for you and Jax?"

Tara shrugged softly. "All of it, I guess. I know you and I particularly don't get along," she said, and Lena gave a small nod of agreement, "but what happened to you tonight she never happen to anyone. As far as Jax—"

Lena quickly cut her off. "I don't want to talk about Jax anymore. He and I—we're done. If tonight was any indication." She muttered that last part. "So, if you really want Jax back, there's your in."

Now Tara's brows furrowed in confusion. "My in? What the hell does that mean?"

Lena sucked in a deep breath, pushing a few strands of her hair out of her hair face. "You said that you didn't come back to Charming for Jax, but we both know you did. It may not have been a fully conscious thing, but it was there. How easily all of it fell back into your lap and back into your bed."

Tara had nothing else to say, as she knew that Lena was right. Her initial plan to come back to Charming was the job at St Thomas and to get as far away for Kohn as possible. She told herself, before she even got here, to not allow herself to be dragged back into Jax Teller's life. But all of that changed when she saw his face. Her biker ex had made her feel things that she hadn't felt or even tried to suppress over the past 10 years.

"You still love him." Tara looked back at Lena.

Lena shrugged nonchalantly. "And I will always love him. I know that he loves me too, but a part of him still loves and cares for you."

And with that, Lena stepped out of Tara's car, leaving the good doctor to let those words sink in.

It seemed as if Jax was trying to break the world record for chain smoking over the last 20 minutes. He had still been trying to get ahold of Lena since she left him last night at Bobby's party. She wasn't answering her phone, as it was going straight to voicemail. He'd made plans to drop by her house, giving her a night of space, but those plans were thwarted when he received a call from Clay letting him know that Gemma had been nearly run off the road last night.

So, he figured he'd stop by St. Thomas, make sure everything was alright with his mother, and then he would make his way to Lena's. Flicking his finished cigarette butt to the ground, Jax made his way into the hospital, his kutte swinging with purpose with every stride.

Jax nearly stopped in his tracks when he saw Tara standing at the nurses' station, jotting down some notes. He hadn't seen his ex since the incident with Lena and her car. He had been purposely avoiding any contact with her. He wanted to feel guilty, and some part of him did, but if he wanted any chance of getting Lena back, he had to do whatever it takes. But last night may have set him back with more than he wanted.

Fucking Ima, and her persistent ass. He knew he should have pushed Ima away, but by the time he got the nerve to, the damage had already been done.

"Hey, Tara,"

Tara looked up from her paperwork, surprised to see her ex standing in front her. The conversation she had with Lena immediately came slamming back into her mind. "Jax."

"How is she?" Jax questioned about his mother.

"She's fine." Tara told him. "Just a few bruises, but she'll be okay." Things become awkwardly quiet between them, before she spoke again. "Can we talk for a second?"

Jax hesitantly nodded, but followed his doctor ex into an empty waiting room.

"Look," Tara whipped around to face him, "I know you've been avoiding this—us. I just need to know where you and I stand."

Jax sighed, running a hand across his face, really not wanting to deal with this here and now. But he was mostly at fault for the shit going on with the two women he's cared about the most. He hated that he'd have to tell Tara his true feelings, because he knew that it'd hurt her. But he still needed to tell her. He did care about Tara, and he always will. But his heart belonged to Lena.

"Tara, I care about you—I do. But," Jax began, and Tara's face began to fall. "I love Lena. What happened between us that night, it was a mistake and if I could take it back, I would."

"Wow." Tara stepped back, feeling her heart fall into the pit of her stomach.

"Tara," Jax tried to comfort her, but she backed away from him.

"Jax," she kept her distance. "Don't, please." She felt the tears began to well in her eyes, but tried to keep her composure. "I guess I have my answer then." She waited a beat. "I have to let Clay know about your mother."

Tara brushed past Jax and headed out of the waiting room.

Jax, feeling a little more guilty for how things went, still followed right behind his doctor ex. As the both of them walked down the halls of St. Thomas, awkwardly, Tara was stopped as she was approached by a colleague. Someone Jax hadn't recognized before.

"Dr. Peters," Tara greeted, "everything alright?"

Still wearing a bandage across the bridge of his nose, the young doctor nodded. "Yeah everything is good."

"What happened to you?" Jax stood behind Tara, as he pointed to the doctor's injury.

Doctor Peters' brows furrowed at this strange man's question. He'd quickly noticed the kutte the guy was wearing, so he knew that he was apart of that motorcycle gang this town kept raging on about.

"I'm sorry," Tara cleared her throat, "Dr. Peters, this is Jax Teller. Jax Teller this is Dr. Nicholas Peters. He's new here at St. Thomas."

The two men shook hands apprehensively, both of them immediately sizing each other up. Doctor Peters was unsure of how a beautiful and talented neonatal surgeon like Doctor Knowles was doing with a guy like Jax Teller. But he wasn't there to judge.

"This," Dr. Peters pointed to his noise, "a patient from ER last night, I caught her off guard and she hit me. Thank goodness it's not broken." He then turned to Tara. "Is Miss Daniels okay?"

Tara's gut immediately filled with dread at the mention of Lena. She knew that Jax had caught on to that mention as well, as she felt him tense behind her.

"Miss Daniels?" Jax questioned, his crystal blue eyes looking down at Tara. "Lena?"

Tara huffed, eyeing Doctor Peters, before turning to face her ex. She could see that he looked concern. "Jax—" she began, trying to come up with some sort of lie. She did promise Lena that she wasn't going to tell Jax about what happened to her.

"Tara, was Lena here last night?" Jax looked toward her in disbelief.

"Yes, Jax." Tara answered, feeling the guilt start to build in her gut. She was really starting to get sick of this guilt. "Lena was involved in an accident of her own."

Jax felt the anger boil in his chest. "And this whole time, you couldn't have mentioned this to me?" He pointed an accusing finger at Tara.

"Hey," Doctor Peters called out, trying to stop the biker.

"Back off, doc." Jax spat toward the new doctor, he then turned back to Tara.

Tara sighed heavily. She knew Jax was pretty pissed at this moment. "Look, she didn't want anybody to know, okay. She's fine. A couple bruises—"

"Jesus Christ," Jax seethed, "what kind of accident?"

Dr. Peters could feel that Tara was feeling uncomfortable. "Dr. Knowles, do you need me to call security?"

Jax rolled his eyes, looking back at Doctor Peters. "I said back...off or your I'll break your nose for real."

"Jax," Tara scolded, "stop it. Lena is fine, alright." The doctor began to rack her brain to try to explain to Jax the situation without telling him the whole truth and breaking her promise to Lena. "Look, she was," she hesitated for a moment, "she was mugged—"

And before she could finish her statement to regret it, Jax was turning on his heel.

"Tell my mother, I'll be back." Jax firmly told his ex, as he made his hasty exit out of St. Thomas.

He quickly hopped onto his bike, revving the engine, and speeding off to Lena's house.