Synopsis: Lena Daniels has been in love with Jax Teller for half of her life. As she finally gains his heart, an old love comes back to Charming and threatens their future. Will Lena be able to handle Tara, and Jax's steady rise into the President's chair with SAMCRO?
Pairings: Jax Teller x Lena Daniels (OC), Jax Teller x Tara Knowles (past, mentioned), Jax Teller x Wendy Case (past)
Time Setting: Seasons 1-7
Warnings:DARK FIC fluff, angst, unprotected sex (wrap it, before you tap it, folks), pregnancy, miscarriage, insecurities, infidelity, canon SOA violence & gore, STRONG language, drug & alcohol use, lots of taking the LORD's name in vain, mentions of racism, mentions of rape, and character deaths
Author's Note: So, this is my first SOA story. It is set during the timeline of the entire series, but I'm not going full canon. There will be things that are actually what happened in the show, but with my own twist, and things that are not show canon. The narrative is set to fit the story itself. If you are a Tara Knowles fan, be warned, as this story may not be for you. Please if you want to be tagged just in time for first chapter, please hit up my ask. I will gladly tag you all.
Author's Note Part Two:So a couple of weeks ago, I started another story. The first two reviews on it were not that great. They were down right disgusting. I've had harsh criticism in my life before, I've been writing for almost half my life. But those people almost made me want to give up writing as a whole. I know a lot were thinking all this for TWO reviews. I know it doesn't seem much, but to a writer —especially a fanfic writer who works for free— even the small stuff can hurt. So, I posted a note in this story, letting you know my departure from this site. Then I received another review on this one, stating that I never finish my stories and was using those reviews as an excuse to give up. Again, that killed my self confidence. I also have strong beliefs that this person followed me to my other page on another fic site to spew the same hate. But I had a few weeks to think on it and a couple of people messaged me (shout out to GemmaGeroForever and speedlesweetie) with very kind words. Well, to make a long story, short, I've decided that I will keep this story going here. Mainly because of all of you, and I have a small point to prove for that reviewer. Again, thank you guys so much for the encouragement. I really do appreciate each and every one of you.
Trigger Warnings: mentions of sexual assault, flashbacks, major PTSD, descriptive panic/anxiety attack, racially charged language.
Lena laid curled in the fetal position in the middle of her queen sized bed. She had been this way ever since Tara had dropped her off last night.
Well, she did finally shower, scrubbing her skin almost completely raw. But to her, no matter how much she scrubbed, she still felt dirty and unclean.
Sleep hadn't come easy for Lena. Every time she would close her eyes, she'd always see them.
The masks…
…the tattoo…
"Please, don't do this…"
"…we will find you and do this again..."
As quickly as she could, through the unbearable pain, Lena hopped up from her spot on the bed and bolted for her bathroom. Her knees gave way toward the toilet, and she released what little contents she had in her stomach.
Once her stomach was uncomfortably empty, she pulled herself back and sat up against the nearest wall. Her hands began to tremble, as a full sob wracked her body. She still couldn't believe this had happened to her. She never thought anything like this would happen to her, and now she wasn't sure how she was supposed to move on from it.
Lena had no idea how long she had been crying on the bathroom floor when she heard the sound of her doorbell. She tried to ignore it, as she didn't have the energy to deal with anyone just yet. But whoever it was, they were being persistent.
Crying out in pain, Lena stood to her feet. She quickly wiped the tears from her cheeks, purposefully avoiding her reflection in the mirror.
"Lee?"
Lena heard the sound of her name, and she immediately recognized that it was Jax. She released a shaky breath, trying to stop herself from crying even more. He was the last person that she wanted to see.
"Lee, where are you?" Jax called out to her, as she heard his heavy foot steps beginning to tread up the stairs.
Taking in a deep breath, Lena finally limped her way out of the bathroom. The moment she stepped back into her room, she came face to face with her ex.
"Holy shit." Jax muttered harshly at Lena's appearance. A few goddamn bruises my ass.
Jax's blue eyes gazed up and down at her exposed skin in her sleep shorts and his old, faded SAMCRO tee from his prospect days. Her golden brown skin was littered with cuts and black and blue splotches. He then looked at her face and saw that it was also black and blue and a bit swollen along with a split lip.
The outlaw biker's gut tightened at the sight standing in front of him, and before he could think, he tried to make his way over to her.
Lena swallowed thickly underneath Jax's gaze, feeling even more disgusting. As he went to finally approach her, she panicked and quickly stepped out of his reach.
"Don't," she whispered. "Please, don't."
Jax felt a bit rejected, but didn't step any further toward her. She looked like a lost and scared child and it was scaring him to the bone. He'd seen Lena in every mood, but this, this was a different level.
"What," Lena wrapped her around herself almost in a childlike manner, "what are you doing here, Jax?"
Jax sighed. "I was at St. Thomas to see my mom—"
Lena snapped up at that. "Gemma? Is everything okay?"
Jax nodded. "Yeah, she's fine. Someone tried to run her off the road last night."
"Oh my God." Lena whispered softly. An immediate thought entered her mind, that maybe whoever attacked her probably had something to do with Gemma's accident. But then shook the idea out of her head. "Why aren't you with Gemma?"
"Tara said she's fine. Clay and the club are with her. I'm more concerned about you."
"Me? Why would you be concerned about me?" Lena began to nervously shift from foot to foot.
"Tara told me what happened last night."
Lena's heart dropped to the pit of her stomach, and she felt like throwing up all over again. She knew that that bitch wasn't to be trusted with this.
"She said that you were mugged." Jax continued, and Lena looked over at him in surprise.
"What?" Lena exclaimed, but then immediately realized that Tara hadn't told Jax what really happened. She was a bit relieved and kind of thankful right now that she was still in the clear. "Right, yeah," she stammered, nervously looking down at her bare feet, "yeah, I was. I was," she hesitated for a second, feeling sick to her stomach, "mugged."
"Why didn't you call me, Lee?" Jax questioned, anger and hurt in voice. "I had to find out this shit through Tara."
Lena sighed heavily, keeping her attention on her feet. She was scared to look Jax in the eye. "It's not that big of a deal, Jax." She sniffled, trying to hold back her tears.
"Not that big of a deal? Lee, look at you." Jax pointed out her very obvious injuries. "Somebody hurt you, and that's not okay. Now do you remember what they looked like?"
The masks…
…the tattoo…
Lena shut her eyes closed, trying to erase those images, and shook her head fervently. "No," she lied.
"Nothing? Nothing at all?" Jax asked in disbelief. "Was it a guy? Short? Tall? White? Black? Brown?"
"…I want you to deliver a message for me, nigger…"
Lena could feel the tears stinging the back of her eyes, as she shook her head again.
"Come on, Lee, you gotta give me something, babe." Jax exasperated, and Lena still shook her head. "Any visible ink that could possibly tie him to another club?"
Lena swallowed thickly, continuing to hold her tears at bay. "It all just happened so fast, Jax. I don't," she hesitated again, "I don't really remember."
Jax nodded, wiping a hand across his face. He continued to watch Lena's behavior and his felt that knot in his gut tightened just a little more. "A'ight. Pack a bag." He demanded.
Lena, again, snapped up in Jax's direction. "What? Why?"
"You're coming to stay with me." Jax exclaimed, and before Lena could protest he continued. "You can stay at the house with me and Abel or you can stay at my apartment in the clubhouse. Take your pick, babe."
"And what if I choose neither?" Lena questioned in frustration. The last thing she needed or wanted was to be babysat.
"Lee," Jax huffed, knowing she was gonna give him pushback, "whoever mugged you could be looking for revenge on me and the club."
Lena shook her head. She knew that Jax was right. What happened to her had everything to do with SAMCRO, but she wasn't going to let him know. She knew that this would cause chaos within the club. "This was probably just a random mugging, Jax. Nothing to do with the club."
"…I want you to tell that race-traiting old man of yours and his little biker gang, to stop selling guns to other niggers and wetbacks…"
"We don't know that, Lee. So, until we can figure this out, you're coming with me."
Lena sighed heavily, running hand over her curly bun. "So, what? I don't get a choice in the matter?"
"Yeah, you can either choose to stay at the clubhouse or my house."
Lena wasn't going to argue this anymore. She was too physically and mentally exhausted from everything that has happened in the last 24 hours to fight anymore. She just wanted to get back in bed and never wake up again.
Lena also knew that Jax was meaning business when it came to wanting her safe with him. It was just a losing battle.
"Fine," she huffed, giving in. "I'm not staying at the clubhouse. Too many people."
"Okay," Jax nodded. "Just pack up some of your things, I gotta make a phone call. You good for now?"
Lena stood tight lipped and nodded herself. Jax watched her for a few moments, before he and his reaper disappeared from her sight.
In about 30 minutes time, Jax was helping Lena down the stairs, holding onto her duffel bag. As the two of them made it outside, a tow truck from TM pulled up to curb, as the prospect Half-Sack hopped down from the passenger side. Jax gave the driver a quick nod, and the truck pulled off, leaving just the three of them.
"You called Half-Sack?" Lena whispered in surprise at her ex.
"He's gonna help take you to my house, while I go see my mom."
Lena rolled her eyes in annoyance. This was exactly what she didn't want.
"Hey, Jax." Half-Sack approached the pair, as they stood next to Lena's Mustang. "Lena." The young man nodded her way, and Lena gave him a strained smile, trying to hide her bruised and battered face from his view. He then looked back at Jax, a bit concerned. "What's up? What do you need?"
"I need you to take Lena to my house." Jax explained to the young prospect, tossing Lena's duffel at him. "Make sure she gets settled in and gets what she needs."
"Jax," Lena began to protest.
Jax ignored her protests and kept his attention on the prospect. "Here are her keys," he dropped the set of keys into Sack's open palm. "I'm counting on you to look out for her." He reached to pat his shoulder, before turning back to Lena. "Sack is gonna help you with whatever you need."
Lena huffed once more. "I don't need to be taken care of, Jax."
Jax sighed heavily, stepping closer to Lena. He felt relief when she didn't tense up and pull back as she had before. "Just humor me, okay." He whispered, reaching out to cup her face in his hand.
Surprisingly, Lena melted into his touch. Jax then went to lean forward, ready to press his mouth against hers. But that was a mistake as she, again, jerked out of his reach.
"I'm sorry." Jax immediately apologized, releasing a deep sigh.
Lena shook her head. "It's okay," she'd reached up to hesitantly place her hands against his that were still holding her face. "I'm still a bit jumpy."
Again, Jax's stomached clenched. He then settled for placing a gentle kiss to her forehead, which Lena allowed him to do.
After a few seconds, Jax finally pulled away from Lena. "I'll be at the house in a little bit to check on you, okay?" Lena nodded, and Jax turned back to Half-Sack pointing in his direction. "Take care of her."
"Got it." The prospect acknowledged eagerly.
Half-Sack and Lena hopped into her Mustang, with Lena sitting shotgun. Jax quickly hopped onto his bike. Jax was the first to pull out of the drive way, as his bike had been blocking Lena's car in. Sack then started the engine and followed suit.
Driving up to the first red light, Jax pulled his bike right next to the passenger side of Lena's car. Lena looked out the window, just as Jax gave her a warm smile and made his right hand turn back to St. Thomas. As the light turned green, Half-Sack pushed forward, heading straight for Jax's house.
Jax's day just kept getting worse. After making sure that Lena was safely at his house, he went back to try to see his mom at St. Thomas, only to find out she had already been released. Clay then tried to accuse him of sabotaging Opie's Mayan kill, and Jax simply told him it was to protect the club.
Then he found out that Luann's porn studio had been raided by the feds, and now Otto was looking to SAMCRO for help. Jax was able to find a solution for that problem, after giving that dick-bag who had been threatening stealing Luann's girls, Georgie Caruso, a couple visits. The second visit was to let Georgie and his crew know that SAMCRO wasn't something to mess with, since the first visit resulted in the busting of one of Luann's girls, Lyla's, nose.
And finally, to place the cherry on top of a fucking fantastic sundae, during a meet with the Niners, the Mayan's pulled up on a drive-by in retaliation for their fallen friend. Bobby had been shot in the process.
Now Jax had to call on the last person that he wanted, needing their help.
Jax stepped into the clubhouse, only to find that his doctor ex-girlfriend was already there, working on Bobby's injury. He was surprised to see that his mother was there, watching everything that was going on.
Jax quickly stopped passed Bobby, who was holding a bloody rag to his shoulder where a bullet had pierced its way through. "You okay, bro?"
The older guy nodded his head, sipping on a bottle of expensive liquor to keep his mind off the pain. "I'm in good hands." He grunted, referring to Tara, who was going through her medical supply bag.
Jax and Tara made quick eye contact, and he gave her a warm smile. "Thanks for coming."
"It's no problem." Tara snipped, turning her attention back to Bobby.
"They took two cases of the AKs." Tig, who was standing next to Gemma, explained.
Jax released a heavy sigh, not wanting to deal with this shit at this moment, before turning to look at his mother. He could see the injury to her face and neck from where she had braced for the impact in her accident. What was with the women in his life being hurt like this?
"Oh man," Jax commented, placing a hand on Gemma's shoulder.
"I'm okay, sweetheart." Gemma quickly reassured him, pulling him into a hug. "I heard what happened with Lena, she okay?"
"She's real shaken up, but hopefully she'll be okay. She'll be staying with me for awhile." Jax told his mother.
They both hadn't noticed that Tara was also eavesdropping on their conversation.
"That's good." Gemma nodded, crossing her arms across her chest. "It's the best thing for her right now. She say anything about what happened?"
Jax shook his head fervently. "No, she doesn't remember much. She said the whole thing was a blur."
"You thinkin' it's club related?"
Jax shrugged, shoving his hands into his jean pockets. "I'm not sure. That's why I asked her to stay the house."
"I'll go talk to her in the morning."
"Ma," Jax exasperated, seeing the wheels turning in his mother's head. He knew exactly what she was thinking. "Please do not go and antagonize Lena, a'ight. It's been a pretty shitty 24 hours. Just leave her alone and her rest."
"Fine." Gemma huffed, now placing her hands on her hips. "But it's no coincidence that me being ran off the road and Lena's mugging happening on the same night."
And before Jax could respond, he heard his name being called. He looked up and saw that it was his stepfather who'd called him.
"In here." The club President stated firmly, as he stood at the door of their church.
Jax knew that Clay was about to give him more shit for this Mayan blowback bullshit. But he definitely wasn't going to allow Clay to pin this solely on him.
"I'll talk to you later." Jax gave his mother a quick kiss on the cheek, before heading toward the church doors.
As Jax closed the door, he walked up to Clay who was sitting on the top of their table with the reaper proudly carved into it.
"That judgement call you made today," Clay began, "for the good of the club? That shit came back to bite us in the ass, and it almost killed Bobby."
"I see that." Jax stated calmly.
"Whatever you think the truth is," Clay spat bitterly, "everything I do is to protect what we got. It's never arbitrary. And it's never reactive." He gruffed. "I've been doing this for 30 goddamn years. I know a few things."
Jax waited a beat to let Clay think what he was spewing was the truth, but Jax knew better. And he knew what he did was right. "Taking that tag off the Mayan was the right thing to do, Clay. You and I both know that."
"You want to challenge me?" Clay questioned rhetorically. He had no idea what was going on with his stepson, but he'd be damned if he let this shit affect his club. "Fine. I don't give a shit." He quickly stood up to get in Jax's face. "But the minute it stops becoming about this and starts to get personal, they'll know that. They'll lose respect for you and they won't even trust you anymore. And then you'll be handling everything on your own. Think about that…son." Clay finished, brushing past Jax and out of the doors.
Jax was left alone to let Clay's words sink in.
When Jax finally arrived home, it was almost 2 o'clock in the morning. He quickly thanked Neeta for staying longer than she was originally supposed to and helped her to her car. Setting his keys down into the decorative bowl on the table in the foyer, he then removed his kutte to hang it on the coat rack.
The first place Jax headed was Abel's nursery to check on his son. He was surprised to find Lena still up and sitting in the rocking chair next to his Abel's crib. He noticed that not much had changed from her appearance from earlier, as was dressed now in a pair of his sweats and another one of his SAMCRO tees. Her curly hair was still a bit damp as it hung a few inches past her shoulders, which meant she had recently taken a shower.
Lena hadn't noticed Jax's presence, as he watched her quietly watching his sleeping son. It warmed his heart just watching her watch him. She was going to be a great mother to his son, and he was hoping that they could finally start to put all this shit behind them and move forward. Together.
Jax moved from his spot at the door, making his way into the room, causing Lena to jump in fright at his presence.
"It's me," Jax held his hands up at her panicked state.
Lena felt her heart fall into the pit of her stomach, at the shadow that she saw quickly moving toward her. When she noticed that it was Jax, as he finally made himself known, her heart started to calm.
"Jax," she placed a hand on her racing heart, "you scared the shit out of me."
"I'm sorry, darlin'," he squatted down, "what are you still doing up?"
Lena began to fidget in the rocking chair. "I, uh, I couldn't sleep."
Jax got a bit concerned that Lena still seemed a bit panicky. "I'm sorry that I'm just now getting here. Shit got crazy with the club and Luann's studio."
"What, uh, happened with Luann's studio?" Lena questioned, avoiding Jax's gaze.
"Feds raided it, took everything she had. Then this asshole producer started threatening to take her talent. So, the guys and I went to pay him a visit to show him who's boss." He casually joked, and he watched her demeanor calm a bit.
Lena cracked a small smile. The first smile all day. "I'm sure you guys had him shaking in his pants." She giggled softly. "What's going to happen with the studio?"
"We're letting her use our new warehouse," Jax explained, "we're going to split the profits 50-50."
"So, SAMCRO is now in the porn business?" Lena questioned, and she hated to admit that jealousy swirled in the pit of her stomach at the thought of those scantily clad women being around Jax. But she then realized that she and Jax are not together, and he was able to do what and who he pleased.
Jax immediately sensed Lena's uncomfortableness. "We're just the muscle, babe." He reassured her, placing a hand on her knee.
Lena looked down at the gesture, her breath catching in her throat. She hated the fact that even Jax's touch, a simple touch—a touch she's craved to no end, made her feel absolutely disgusting. She was fighting the urge to shrug it off.
Jax quickly noticed that Lena's demeanor changed again. She had a look in her eyes that he'd never seen before. And honestly it was starting to worry him even more.
"Hey," he called to get her attention, "you okay?"
Lena swallowed thickly, sobering herself up. She then quickly stood to her feet, knocking Jax's hand off her knee. "I'm gonna head to bed." She started for the door.
Jax tried to stop her, but Lena blocked it. "Jax, please," she pleaded, on the verge of tears.
Jax took a step back, letting her leave from his sight. That clenching in his gut he was getting tighter by the second.
Back in the fetal position, in the pitch black dark guest bedroom of Jax's house, Lena was failing to fall asleep. She had been staring at the same spot on the wall for the last hour. She tried to sleep —she really did. But every time she closed her eyes, she saw them.
…the masks…
She could still hear his voice. Her skin prickled from the thought of his touch. All of their touches
Lena could feel the bile rising in the back of her throat. But she quelled the urge to vomit this time. This time, she climbed out of the bed. She immediately noticed that the time on the old school alarm clock was now reading 4:26 AM.
The moment her bare feet touched the cold floor, Lena stood. The pain just a little bit more bearable now than it was this morning, thanks to the pain medicine Tara had prescribed her. But every time she took a step, there was still a small twinge. Making her way to the bedroom door, she turned the latch and opened it wide.
Lena quietly made her way down the dark hallway, avoiding the creaky floor boards in the process. She quickly peeked her head into Abel's nursery, finding the infant still soundly asleep.
Swallowing the lump in the back of her throat, Lena stood outside of Jax's bedroom —a room she was all too familiar with. A room she spent many nights in. A room she once called her own.
Raising a fist, she was prepared to give the door a knock. But she quickly stopped herself. Her breath started to become short, as if she were slowly being smothered by a pillow, and her heart began to pound angrily in her chest. The ringing in her ears didn't help her trembling fingers, as they tried to find any kind of purchase against the wall. It was all starting to become too much for her to take. Then her world shifted off its axis, and her body was sliding its way down to the floor.
Pulling her knees to her chest, Lena held back a full body sob, as she began to rock back and forth.
The panic continued to rise in Lena, and she hadn't noticed that Jax was now standing before her until he quickly gathered her into his arms.
The moment Lena felt the warmth of Jax's bare chest against her cheek, she finally gave in and released that sob she had been holding back.
Jax wanted to ask questions, but he chose not to. He just knew that Lena needed him, and he held her close to him.
Lena continued to break down in Jax's arms, as she clutched onto him tight. She knew that somewhere, she still felt safe in his arms.
"Can I stay with you tonight?" Lena asked, her body still shaking. She didn't want to go back to that room alone.
"Of course." Jax told her, planting a kiss to her forehead.
After a few more moments, Lena's breathing had started to return to normal, and her tears began to dry. Then the two of them cautiously climbed into his bed, Jax careful not to trigger Lena. He laid back, opening his arm for her to join him.
Lena looked down at the gesture, hesitantly, for a few seconds, before finally laying her head on his chest. Jax immediately wrapped his arm around her, pulling her as close as she would allow. Planting another kiss to her forehead, the two of them just lay in silence with only the sound of their breathing.
With the soothing sounds of Jax's beating heart, Lena was starting to feel safe again.
Even if it was only for tonight.