Synopsis: Lena Daniels has been in love with Jax Teller for half of her life. As she finally gains his heart, an old love comes back to Charming and threatens their future. Will Lena be able to handle Tara, and Jax's steady rise into the President's chair with SAMCRO?
Pairings: Jax Teller x Lena Daniels (OC), Jax Teller x Tara Knowles (past, mentioned), Jax Teller x Wendy Case (past)
Time Setting: Seasons 1-7
Warnings: DARK FIC fluff, angst, unprotected sex (wrap it, before you tap it, folks), pregnancy, miscarriage, insecurities, infidelity, canon SOA violence & gore, STRONG language, drug & alcohol use, lots of taking the LORD's name in vain, mentions of racism, mentions of rape, and character deaths
Author's Note: So, this is my first SOA story. It is set during the timeline of the entire series, but I'm not going full canon. There will be things that are actually what happened in the show, but with my own twist, and things that are not show canon. The narrative is set to fit the story itself. If you are a Tara Knowles fan, be warned, as this story may not be for you.
CHAPTER 14
TRIGGER WARNING: major ptsd, continued mention of sexual assault, name calling, smut
2 Months Later
It had been a little over two months since Lena's traumatic assault and since Jax convinced her to stay with him and Abel at his house. Lena only wanted it to be a temporary thing, but it was looking as if the situation was going to be a little more permanent. She was still afraid to stay at her own house alone.
It had also been two months since that night Lena found herself having a full blown panic attack right outside of Jax's bedroom. She was actually surprised that she was comfortable enough to be in his bed. That night was the first night of several. She didn't spend every night in his room, but the times where her nightmares nearly consumed all of her, she found herself crawling her way into his bed. Even the nights he wasn't there, which were the scariest, she would just curl herself next to his pillow. Just his scent alone was comforting.
Lena was also a bit surprised by how Jax was being toward the whole thing. He was being so understanding. Even in the moments where she rejected his touch, he was still compassionate. He had still been trying to get her to remember anything that happened that night, but she continued to tell him that much of the incident was one big blur.
Lena still didn't want Jax to know what really happened to her. She felt as if she wouldn't be able to face him, knowing what they'd done to her —knowing that it was a direct attack on the club. She knows that he'd blame himself and would never look at her the same.
Lena hadn't left the house in those two months as well. She spent most of her days sheltered inside, helping Neeta take care of Abel and keeping the house in order. Like this morning, she was busying herself with throwing a second load of laundry into the wash, while Neeta was giving Abel his morning bottle. Jax had left a little over an hour ago to take care of some business.
As she was setting the full load to the beginning cycle, the sound of the doorbell echoed through the single family home. Lena was in no rush to answer the door, but whoever it was they seemed to not be going anywhere anytime soon. Since Neeta was tending to Abel, Lena had no choice but to answer.
Setting the empty laundry basket on the kitchen table, Lena made her way to the front door. She hesitated a moment, taking in a deep, relaxing breath, before unlocking the door and slowly pulling it open.
Lena's eyes widened in bewilderment at the person standing in front of her. She then opened the door a little wider, swallowing thickly.
Doctor Tara Knowles, dressed in her blue hospital scrubs, lingered awkwardly on the front porch of Jax's home.
"Jax isn't here." Was the first thing that fell from Lena's mouth, as she folded her arms across her chest.
Tara nodded, fixing the strap of her purse on her shoulder. "I know. I'm actually here for you."
Now Lena was surprised and confused. "Me? How did you even know that I was here?"
Tara let out a deep breath. "I overheard Jax and Gemma talking at the clubhouse a couple months back."
Lena's heart fell into the pit of her stomach. Why would Tara even be at the clubhouse? "You were at the clubhouse?"
"Yeah," the doctor began, "I was just there to patch up Bobby. Jax asked me to help out."
Of course he did. "Right. Well, doc, what do I owe this visit?"
Tara then reached inside her purse and pulled out a specimen cup inside a ziplock. Again, Lena was confused as she furrowed her brows.
"You thirsty?" Lena spat in a snarky tone.
"Actually," Tara huffed, handing the cup to Lena, "this is for your HIV test. You're overdue."
Lena released a heavy sigh. She really wasn't expecting any of this. Quickly, she snatched the cup from Tara's grip and then stepped back inside the house. She nodded for Tara to follow her, closing the door behind her, and made her way down the hall.
"Just wait for me in there." Lena pointed to the spare room she had been occupying for the time being.
Tara nodded and headed inside the room. As Lena walked past Abel's room, she quickly peeked her head inside. Neeta was situated on the rocking chair, rocking the young infant in her arms. The woman's dark eyes looked up at Lena, giving her a warm smile and signaled her to be quiet. Lena also gave a nod and continued to the bathroom.
Once Lena finished her business, she walked back to the guest room, where Tara was patiently waiting for her on the bed.
"All done." Lena said, handing the cup, filled with her donation, back over to the good doctor.
Tara took the cup and shoved it back into her purse. Things become awkwardly silent for a few moments. Tara continued to sit quietly on the bed, while Lena leaned against the dresser.
"I guess I should probably take off." Tara was the first to speak, standing to her feet.
"Uh, wait a minute," Lena quickly stopped her, "can I ask you something?"
Tara was going to tell Lena that she needed to get back to the hospital. She felt the longer she stayed in this house, the more upset she was going to be. But the look on Lena's face, kept her in her place.
"Sure." Tara folded her arms across her chest, swinging her head slightly to get her stubborn bangs out of her face.
Lena hesitated again, before releasing a deep breath. "How long do you think this feeling is going to last? This uncomfortableness? This fear that's always stirring in my gut?"
Tara thought about Lena's questions, shrugging her shoulders. "Honestly, that's up to you."
"I haven't had sex since it happened." Lena admitted, shamefully looking down at her feet.
Tara swallowed thickly, at Lena's bluntness. She really didn't want to think about Jax and Lena having sex. "I mean, that's understandable. Your body is still healing."
Lena gave a small chuckle. Her body was healing just fine. Her physical pain was nonexistent. Her scars were finally starting to fade. The skin around her left eye was back to its normal shade.
It wasn't her body that needed healing.
"Pussy's not the problem, doc," Lena spat, "it's my goddamn head. I'm still so jumpy. I haven't been outside in weeks. I feel like if I leave I'd be looking over my shoulder every five fucking seconds. The only people I really feel somewhat comfortable around is Neeta and Jax. And even then, his touch sets me on edge."
Tara's gut clenched. That was something else she didn't want to hear. "Yeah, I'm sure." Now it was her turn to look down at her shuffling feet. "So, are you two…" she trailed, not really wanting the answer to that.
"Are you asking if Jax and I are back together?" Lena questioned. "Even after my if you want Jax, there's your in speech?" She gave another small chuckle. "I'm not gonna lie, Jax has been really great with me, even with not knowing what really happened to me that night. I don't know where we are, and my fucked up head won't even allow me to go there."
Tara sighed heavily. "You realize you have to tell him sooner or later, Lena."
Lena nodded, not wanting to think about it. "I know. I just…can't." She was quiet for a moment, before looking back at Tara. "Thank you again."
"For?"
"For," Lena waited a beat, "this. Keeping my secret, the testing, everything. I know we have our issues, and we'll never be friends, but I am grateful for all you've done for me."
Tara stood there for a moment, before giving another nod. "Listen, I have to get this sample back to the lab. If you have any questions, you can come and see me at St. Thomas or," she reached back into her purse grabbing a pen and some scrap paper, quickly scribbling something down, "you can call me." She handed the paper to Lena.
Lena took the number reluctantly, looking down at it, as it felt like it was burning a hole through hand. "Thanks, doc. Let me walk you out."
Lena shut the door, just as Tara stepped outside. The moment she turned back to the kitchen to finish her task of laundry, she nearly hit the door in fright as Neeta was now standing behind her.
"Shit, Neeta, Lena placed a racing hand over her heart, "you scared me."
"I'm so sorry, sweetie." Abel's caregiver said in concern. "Are you alright?"
Lena nodded. "Yeah I'm fine. How's Abel?"
"He's asleep now."
"Good." Lena tried to force a smile, before heading into the kitchen to grab the forgotten laundry basket.
"Honey, are you sure you're alright?" Neeta questioned hot on Lena's trail.
"Of course, Neeta." With basket in hand, Lena then quickly made her way into the laundry room and started filling it with clothes from the dryer. "Why wouldn't I be?" She emerged from the laundry and back into the kitchen.
Neeta watched Lena carefully, as the young woman started to nervously fold the clothes in the basket. She knew something was up with her, because she was pretending to be okay when she wasn't. She'd noticed for nearly the past couple of months that something wasn't right.
Lena stopped folding a pair of Jax's boxers when she realized that she was being watched. Her suspicions were proven to be correct when she looked over at Neeta staring at her.
"What?"
Neeta sighed heavily, folding her arms across her chest. "Who was at the door?"
Lena shrugged and continued to fold laundry. "It was Tara Knowles. She was looking for Jax. Like she always is." She finished the lie with a roll of her eyes.
Of course Neeta didn't believe her. As she was laying Abel down for his nap, she had slightly overheard the conversation that Lena and this Tara Knowles were having. She only caught parts of the conversation as she didn't want to eavesdrop, but from what she heard it didn't sound too good.
Neeta sensed that something terrible happened to this girl. The bruises on her face that were nearly healed. Her jumpy behavior. The fact that she hadn't seen the girl leave the house once in almost two months. Yeah, there was definitely something deeper going on. Neeta tended to mind her own business, but Lena was screaming for help. So, she was going to offer the young woman that help the only way she knew how.
Neeta then reached over, placing a comforting hand on top of Lena's. "Now you know I ain't a stupid sista, Lena, but what I do know is that you're struggling with something. I don't exactly know what it is, but it's something weighing heavy on you and on your heart."
Lena looked down at Neeta's hand, before looking at the older woman. She didn't say a word, but from the look in Neeta's eyes told her everything.
"How about we say a little prayer?" Neeta suggested sweetly.
Lena immediately shook her head, slipping her hand from underneath Neeta's, going back to her task of folding laundry. That was the last thing she wanted to do. "No, prayer's not really my thing. Or religion of any kind, actually."
"I promise you, it is," Neeta told her, "I see it every single time I watch you with Abel. That little boy brings you peace, and you thank God everyday for him."
Lena stopped what she was doing, again, looking down at the basket. She felt the tears began to threaten to spill down her cheeks. She then turned to look into Neeta's humble eyes once more. And that was all she needed.
Lena nodded, giving in. One little prayer couldn't hurt.
Just as Lena was finishing up the rest of her chores, her phone began to buzz from its spot on the night stand. It was a brand new phone which Jax had purchased for her when she confessed to him that her old phone had been damaged in the "mugging".
Speaking of Jax, when Lena went to check to see who was calling, she saw his name flash before her. Grateful to not have one of those tacky burners Jax always carried, she slid her finger across the screen.
"Hey," she quickly answered.
"Hey, beautiful, how're you feeling?"
Lena sighed, sitting down on the bed. "I'm okay."
"I'm sorry I had to dip out earlier this morning; had some club shit to take care of."
"I figured as much."
"How's the kid?"
Lena smiled softly at the mention of Abel. Neeta was right. That little boy brought her some semblance of peace. "He's doing great. Neeta's with him now."
"That's good." She heard him say, before he released a deep breath. "So, I was actually kinda wondering if you wanted to maybe have lunch with me today?"
Lena's breath caught in her throat. She wasn't expecting that and didn't really know how to answer Jax. Going to lunch with him meant leaving her one place of comfort.
"Look," Jax began, again, when the silence started to worry him, "you've been in the house for the past few weeks, I was just thinking that maybe it's time for you to maybe get some fresh air. I mean, if you want to. I don't want to force it on you."
Lena swallowed the lump at the back of her throat. Jax was right. She had been cooped up in the house for too long, and she needed that fresh air. But she wasn't so sure she was really ready for it.
Again, this was the trouble Lena was having with her head. She needed to find a way to start moving past all of this shit and start getting her life back. Whatever it took.
"Yeah, Jax," Lena agreed, "I think that'd be great."
If her head was the problem, then maybe it was time she got it straight.
When Jax said he wanted to do lunch, Lena didn't think he'd take her out past the reservations of Wahewa. But here they were, sitting underneath a blossoming redwood with a picnic that Jax had arranged for the both of them.
Lena was still nervous to leave the house, but the moment she climbed onto the back of Jax's bike, wrapping her arms securely around his waist, she felt herself beginning to relax. She always loved the feeling of being on his bike, and this time was no different. In fact, just feeling the breeze and watching the scenery pass her by breathed a sense of calmness in her negative thoughts.
"How's your sandwich?"
Lena quickly popped her head up at her ex, who was taking a casual sip of his water bottle. She was surprised to see that his infamous kutte was nowhere to be seen.
She nodded, taking another small bite of her turkey club that was just right, all the way down the extra tomatoes. "It's good. This is all really nice, Jax."
"Good, I'm glad you like it." He spoke, and his steel blue eyes sparkled. "I kinda got the feeling you finally needed some time on the outside, instead of being cooped up in the house with Abel all day."
Lena playfully sneered at his cheekiness. "I actually like being cooped up with Abel. He's the best part about being in that house anyway." She teased.
"Wow," Jax leaned his head back in a mock shock, "so that's how it's going to be, babe? I see how it is. Upstaged by my own kid."
"Sorry." Lena shrugged and giggled softly. When she noticed that Jax was staring back at her, she felt her cheeks burn. "What?"
"Nothing." Jax shook his head, with a smirk on his face. "It's just nice to see you smile again. I've missed it."
The flush across Lena's cheeks got a bit warmer, as she ducked her head in embarrassment. "You know, I've missed it too." She sighed heavily, reaching over for her own water bottle. "Everything go okay with the club stuff?"
Jax nodded. "Yeah, Clay is still chewing me out for screwing up that Mayan hit and almost getting Bobby killed. And now he's being pissy about CaraCara."
Lena couldn't blame Clay for that. Jax being involved with the porn business still wasn't sitting right with. She wasn't going to let him know that though. "But you were protecting the club." She spat. "And with CaraCara, you're just helping out a brother's wife."
"Yeah," he huffed, throwing a piece of grass, he'd pulled up from the ground, past his feet, "well Clay doesn't seem to think so. He don't understand that CaraCara is a legitimate business to help us get out of running guns."
Even before everything that had been happening, Lena knew there was growing tension between her VP ex and his club's President since Donna's funeral. "What's going on between you and Clay?"
Jax shrugged, not wanting to involve Lena any further into the mess that was now his and his stepfather's relationship. He had told her enough already. He was trying hard to be fully disclosed with her, but certain things need to not be said but taken care of.
"It ain't nothing I can't handle, darlin'." He gave her another small, reassuring smile, before becoming serious. "So, everything going alright with you?"
Lena hesitated for a moment. She didn't really know how to answer that question either. "I'm good."
Jax knew by the tone of her voice that Lena was anything but. "Me waking up to you crawling in my bed in the middle of the night after having another nightmare, doesn't scream you're good to me, Lee."
She didn't know why, but Lena felt offended by Jax's words. If he had a problem with it, he should have said something. "Well, I'm very sorry for disturbing your beauty sleep, Jackson," she bit, "I promise I won't be doing that shit anymore from now on."
Jax released a shuddering breath, knowing that this was going to happen. Every time he brought it up, she found a way to shut down on him. "Lee, that's not what I meant, and you know it. I'm saying, just talk to me. I know what you went through ain't been easy, babe."
Lena felt herself calming down a bit. She knew he didn't mean it that way, but some days she couldn't control herself from becoming agitated at world right now. Again, Jax was being understanding, but if only he knew that what she was going through was a lot deeper than that.
Of course, Lena wasn't going to say to a word about it. "It was just a random mugging, Jax." She tried to shrug nonchalantly. "It could have happened to anybody. There's really nothing to talk about." She said, and he looked at her as if he didn't believe her. "I'm serious. The nightmares are what they are, nightmares. They'll go away eventually."
Jax still didn't believe her, but he decided to drop it. He was hoping one day, she'd talk to him about what those nightmares were about. He hated seeing her this way.
Lena watched the wheels turn in Jax's head. She knew that he didn't believe her and the guilt and shame began to eat away at her. But she still couldn't bring herself to tell the truth. The fear of him looking at her differently and like she was a broken doll, along with the deadly chaos it'd bring, was far worse than the guilt she was feeling for lying about it.
Lena hesitated for a moment, nervously swallowing the lump in the back of her throat, as she contemplated her next move. Plucking up the courage, she then slowly slid her way closer toward Jax, their legs now entangled with one another.
Jax looked at her in mostly concern and confusion when her trembling fingers grabbed his hand, slowly pulling it toward her. She then raised his hand and placed an apprehensive, yet soothing kiss on the back of it.
Lena looked up and noticed the surprised look on Jax's face at the gesture she just made. Despite sharing his bed with her in a non sexual way every other night over the past few weeks, she'd been hesitant by his touches, which she knew concerned him even more. She just made a bold first move, and now she was ready to test her limits a bit further.
Lena gave Jax a reassuring smile, before leaning forward. She closed her eyes slightly, trying to fight off the screams and panic in her head. She couldn't let her head win anymore. She had to find a way to push through it.
It felt like an eternity before her lips finally pressed against his unsuspecting ones. It was something that she had done so many times in the past that she'd lost count. Lena loved kissing Jax. He was amazing at it. It was such an intimate act they always shared with one another. Now the thought of kissing someone, including him, filled her head with even more guilt and shame.
The kiss wasn't very long, and Lena was the first to pull away. She noticed that he looked at her with more concern and a small sliver of hope. She watched in trepidation, as he then reached up to push a fallen tendril from her curly bun back from her face. But he quickly stopped himself short, and she knew that he was probably worried that she'd reject him again.
Swallowing her fear down, Lena nodded, letting Jax in. She then felt his calloused thumb gently caress her cheek bone, before he cupped her face into his hands. She looked up at him, feeling her heart race in anticipation.
Lena allowed Jax to press his mouth against hers in another soft kiss. A kiss that was somehow starting to put her at ease. The kiss was slow and sweet. Gentle and soft. Full of emotion. She then felt as he silently asked for permission to deepen the kiss. Again, she granted it.
Lena had missed this so much, and she was finally at more ease than she had been in awhile.
As Jax's tongue gently caressed Lena's she felt him take a chance, as his hands slowly began to move their descent down her neck. But when the coolness of his rings touched her skin, it instantly reminded her of the cold, wet pavement she was forced down on that horrific night. That immediately caused her to sober up from this moment and to hastily pull away from him.
And before either of them could say anything, the sound of Jax's ringing burner caught their attention.
Lena looked down at the black phone buzzing on the stark white picnic sheet, before grabbing it and handing it to Jax. "Porn hotline." She told him.
"Shit." Jax sighed heavily, giving Lena an apologetic look, before taking the phone out of her hands. "Yeah," he answered, flipping the phone open. As he listened to an annoyed Chibs on the other line, telling him to come to studio, he kept his eye on Lena, who was now leaning against the tree and avoiding looking his way. But he was quickly distracted when Chibs told him that Clay hired Bobby to do Luann's books at the studio, and the former porn star was having a meltdown. "He did what…who told him to do that?" This time he released an annoyed sigh. "Jesus Christ. I'm on my way."
By the sound of things, Lena knew this outing was done. But she wasn't so sure she was ready to go back yet. Despite the setback she just experienced.
Jax shut his phone with an irritated groan.
"I'm guessing something came up that needs your attention?" Lena stated.
Jax nodded, feeling guilty. "Clay hired Bobby to do Luann's books, behind my back, and now Luann is having a goddamn meltdown. I should probably take you back home. I'm sorry."
"Actually," Lena began again, "I don't mind going with you if you want."
Jax pulled his bike up the porn studio. He turned off the engine and hopped off.
"I'll just be a minute." Jax told Lena, as he fixed the hat on his head. "I promise." He then leaned forward, as she allowed him to place a gentle kiss on her cheek.
As Lena watched Jax's reaper disappear from her sight, she let out the breath she was holding in. She cursed herself internally at what transpired just an hour ago. She had finally begun to claim victory over her life when her head yanked her back 100 feet.
She was fucking sick of it.
As Lena wallowed in self pity, a white car pulled up behind her. Her brain immediately jumped to panic mode, only to change when she noticed the annoying sounds of clicking high heels, accompanied by a pair of short jeans shorts, followed by that bad dye job.
"Shouldn't you be polishing that bike, sweetie?" Ima fucking Tite taunted, as she walked past Lena. "Jax likes it nice and shiny."
Lena glared, but said nothing to the bitch as she also watched her disappear into the studio. She wasn't going to let that little girl get to her. She already had enough shit to deal with instead of having to deal with a bony, flat assed, porn slut.
It didn't take long before Lena spotted a black Escalade pulled up, followed by Clay and then Tig riding up on their bikes.
Lena was surprised to see Gemma hopping out of the truck, hastily making her way toward the studio. Lena now figured that whatever was going on seemed to be a lot bigger than just Clay hiring Bobby to work at CaraCara.
Lena watched as Clay angrily hopped off his bike, ripping off his helmet. "What the hell are you doing here?"
Lena hadn't realize that Tig was up and off his bike until he plopped down next to her on Jax's bike. She immediately tried to ignore the tense feeling that just ran through her spine.
Lena was starting to hate herself even more.
Gemma quickly turned around, facing her husband, looking at him in confusion. "Luann called, she's freaking out."
"This is club business, Gemma." Clay spat bitterly. "You got no reason to intervene."
SAMCRO's matriarch looked even more confused. "What intervene? She's my friend, and she needs to talk."
"Oh," SAMCRO President scoffed in irritation, "so when she wants to talk, you what, drop everything?"
"Jesus Christ," Gemma hissed, annoyed, "what are you? Three?"
"Get back to the goddamn garage, Gemma." Clay barked, anger building inside him.
Lena thought about going to get Jax, but watching Gemma and Clay was like rubbernecking at a car wreck. It was getting hard to turn away from.
"Excuse me?" Gemma seethed at Clay's demand.
Clay then stalked his way toward Gemma. "The last thing I need right now is for you running diva over a fucking cum factory."
"You're such an asshole." Gemma spat in agitation, before turning to walkaway.
What happened next caused the panic to flare up in Lena's system. She watched as the President of SAMCRO, picked up a cinderblock and casually tossed it, smashing through the window of the driver's seat of Gemma's truck.
That stopped Gemma in her tracks. "You stupid piece of shit." She angrily charged toward her husband. "Are you out of your fucking mind?!"
In all the years that Gemma and Clay had been together, Lena had never witnessed something like this. Of course over the years, they had their spats and arguments like any normal couple. But this? Something else was definitely going on here.
Just as Gemma went to kick Clay's bike, Tig leaned over and whispered in Lena's ear, "I think it's time you go get Jax now, sweetheart."
Again, Lena tensed and quickly jumped back at Tig's closeness. When she turned to Clay's Sergeant at Arms, he gave her a puzzled but apologetic look.
Lena just shook it off and made her way into CaraCara. She ignored the barely dressed women walking around, as she went in search for Jax. She immediately found him cuddled up next to Ima on a couch.
Jax the noticed Lena's presence, as she made her way toward him. He could see the look on her face was none to happy. He stood up to meet her half way, when Ima decided to step in front of him.
"He's occupied, honey." Ima snipped in a snotty tone, shoving a finger in Lena's face. "You should wait outside like you were told."
Lena couldn't believe the words that came out of this tramp's mouth. She pursed her lips together, anger beginning to radiate off of her. She was ten seconds away from ripping the blonde hair out of this girl's head. She was not the one. Not today.
"Okay, okay," Jax immediately sensed Lena's growing agitation, as he instantly stepped in front of Ima and pulled Lena away from the ass whooping that the bitch was about to get. "I'm sorry. She's a little out of her mind right now."
Lena swallowed, as she looked over at Ima glaring her while twirling those cheap ass extensions between her fingers. "Yeah, well, she's not the only one."
Jax's brows knit in confusion. "What's going on?"
"Your mom and Clay." Lena said, and Jax still didn't understand. "You need to come outside and see."
Jax followed behind Lena out of the door, just to find Gemma yelling at Clay, who was now beating on the hood of Gemma's car.
"Just exactly what those arthritic mitts need. A good fucking pounding." Gemma screeched in anger.
"You wanna see a good pounding?" Clay threatened.
"Oh yeah?" Gemma challenged. "Well, come on badass. I dare you to lay your fucking hands on me. I was slit your goddamn throat." She spat in his face.
Jax took that moment to step his way in between his mom and stepfather before things got any worse.
"What the hell is going on here?" Jax questioned, eying his mother and Clay.
"Why don't you ask her?" Clay grunted, nodding his head Gemma's way.
"You are pathetic." Gemma snapped, before turning and walking away, leaving more questions unanswered.
A little over an hour after the incident at CaraCara, everyone took a time out before finding themselves back at Teller-Morrow. While Jax went to have an impromptu Church meeting with the guys, Lena found herself making her way into Gemma's office, where she spotted the matriarch sitting behind her desk, going through paperwork.
"Hey, Gem," Lena gave her a small smile, standing awkwardly at the door.
Gemma looked up from her paperwork, removing her glasses. "Hey, baby," she returned the smile. "Come in."
Lena stepped fully inside the office, shutting the door behind herself. Gemma then stood up to meet her, pulling her into a hug, and Lena immediately felt comforted.
"What was that for?" Lena questioned, the moment they pulled away.
Gemma shrugged, shoved her hands in the back of her jean pockets. "You looked like you could use one."
"I'm not the one who put on that dysfunctional car show earlier today." Lena smirked, teasing Jax's mother. Gemma just playfully rolled her eyes. "What's going on between you and Clay?"
"It's called marriage, honey." Gemma gave a nonchalant shrug, before turning heel and heading over to her coffee pot pouring herself a cup.
Lena didn't believe that for a second. "Gem, I've seen you and Clay fight many times before. This was something different."
This time the Queen of bikers released a heavy sigh. "It's this damn car accident that's got me on edge." She explained, offering to make Lena a cup of coffee.
Lena declined the offer, taking a seat on the vacant couch. "What about your accident?"
Gemma then made her way back over to Lena, taking a seat next to her. "I'm okay, physically. Got a little pain here and there; some stiff joints, but my goddamn head is trying to figure out why it happened."
Lena knew what Gemma meant by that. Although, their situations were a bit different. "But is why Clay so upset?"
Gemma huffed, taking a sip of her coffee. "He's being Clay. The moment I don't talk to him about something, he thinks the goddamn world is out to get him. So, everything okay with you?"
Lena nodded. "Yeah, I'm good."
"Your face healed up nicely." Gemma commented, taking another sip from her cup. "You still don't remember anything from that night?"
Lena swallowed thickly, this time shaking her head. "Nope, still a big blur."
Gemma looked at the young woman, she'd hoped one day to be her future daughter in law, incredulously, but let it go. She knew the girl was hiding something, but she wasn't going to push it. She then stood to her feet to dump her now empty cup into the trash can.
"So, you and Jax seemed to be getting along okay." Lena could hear practically hear the smile coming from Gemma.
Lena felt the embarrassment rise up her neck. "Yeah, since the mugging, Jax has been pretty incredible."
Gemma turned back to face Lena, now folding her arms across her chest. "Are you two working things out?"
Lena went to speak, but the sound of the phone in the office started to ring.
"Hang on." Gemma told her, reaching across her messy desk to grab the phone from the receiver. "Teller-Morrow." She answered. Lena then noticed Gemma's whole demeanor changed, as she rolled her amber eyes in annoyance. "Okay, I will let him know." She quickly hung up.
"Everything okay?"
"Yeah," Gemma nodded. "That was CaraCara. Miss Double Penetration needs a ride."
That set off Lena's agitation, once more, at who Gemma was speaking about. "Let me guess, she wants Jax to give it to her?"
Again, Gemma nodded, swiping her blonde streaked bangs from her face, before stepping away to inform her son that he was needed.
Lena stayed behind at the garage, while Jax left to pick up Ima from the porn studio. The whole time he was gone, it slowly ate away at her that Jax was going to be Ima's personal escort. She knew he was doing it for the club, but she wasn't going to lie and say that she was completely fine with it. She actually down right hated the idea.
Lena peered through the blinds of the office window, the moment Jax finally pulled up with Ima in tow. She watched as the porn whore was the first to hop off of Jax's bike. Lena could see the bitch was laying it on thick with Jax, and it felt like a gut punch to the stomach.
"Are you sure you're okay with that thing pushing up on Jax?"
Lena looked over her shoulder and found Gemma making her way back into the office after returning a vehicle to a client.
"Not really, Lena huffed, "but I'm not exactly in the position to start making demands. Jax and I are barely starting over. If you could even call it that." She then looked back out the window just to see Ima plant a kiss on Jax's lips. "Fuckin' bitch." She hissed in annoyance.
"Listen, sweetheart," Gemma began, "if you love Jax, then you need to lock that shit down. These bitches think he's free dick."
Lena gave a dry chuckle. "That hadn't stopped them or even him before."
"You gotta educate them." Gemma continued to explain. "Set those bitches, especially that gash, straight. Everyone sees it and knows it."
Lena looked back at Gemma with a furrowed brow. "You mean like hit her?"
"Kick, scratch, whatever…"
Lena sighed heavily, shutting the blinds. "Gemma, my cat fighting days are over. I'm too old for that shit."
"I guess we'll see." Gemma gave Lena a knowing smirk. The same one she gave Lena that day when Tara's Cutlass turned into an art project.
Lena just rolled her eyes at Jax's mom and hastily made her exit out of the office.
Pulling up the driveway of Jax's house, Jax parked his bike behind Lena's Mustang and turned off the engine.
Lena quickly hopped off, removing the helmet and handing it back to Jax. Jax followed suit.
"You're quiet," Jax spoke, setting his helmet on the handle of his bike. "You okay?"
Lena nodded, barely looking at Jax, "yeah," then she thought about it, shaking her head, "actually, no, Jax. I'm not okay."
Jax sighed, sitting back down on his bike. "Talk to me, babe, tell me what's going on? Is this about that shit with Ima?"
Lena swallowed, hating herself for feeling this way. "Yeah, Jax, it is. If you and me are gonna try again, I need to be able to trust you."
Jax nodded, fixing the hat on his head. "I understand that, Lee. Ima is just business for the club. I don't want her. I want you. I'll always want you."
Lena sighed heavily, fighting the emotions running through her head. She then took a deep breath, looking straight at Jax. "Okay, but this is it, Jax. Please don't hurt me again."
Jax then stood to his feet, his sparkling, steel blues bored down into Lena's bright brown ones. He then slowly cupped her face in her hands. Relief sat in the pit of his stomach when she didn't reject him.
Lena focused on the way Jax made her feel over the tension she was feeling in his hold. She allowed him to press his mouth against hers in a soft kiss. That initial tension she was feeling, slowly began to melt away.
As their kiss deepened, hot and breathy, Lena even surprised herself, as she raised her arms to wrap around Jax's neck. She was slowly starting to feel somewhat back to normal.
As normal as someone who'd been what she'd been through could be.
Jax was the first to pull away, setting his forehead against hers, as they both took each other in.
When they both fully pulled away from each other, Jax grabbed Lena's hands in his. He was still half waiting for her refuse him, but she didn't and gave her a wide smile.
"What are you smiling for?"
Jax shrugged, still smiling. "I guess I'm just happy." He leaned forward and pressed his lips against hers again.
Lena giggled softly, when Jax pulled away. She reached up to run a soothing hand across his bearded cheek. Jax, in return, kissed the inside of her palm.
"I gotta take care of some club shit." Jax said, and he noticed the look on Lena's face. "It's nothing to do with Ima. Just other club shit. I promise."
Lena nodded, the relief washed through the pit of her stomach. "Okay."
Jax still held onto one of Lena's hands, and he never wanted to let go. "Actually, there is a wrap part tonight at CaraCara. The club has to make an appearance. You should come."
That relief in her gut immediately turned sour. She remembered the last time Jax invited her to a club party, she'd ended up in a horrific situation. But she knew that she couldn't dwell on it anymore. She was taking huge steps today, and maybe facing something like this will continue to help her move forward.
Lena swallowed thickly, pushing all of her doubts to the back of her mind. "I'll think about it."
"Okay," Jax nodded, leaning down to kiss her once more, before finally letting her go.
Lena watched as Jax hopped back on his bike, strapping on his helmet, starting the engine. He revved up the engine for a few seconds, giving Lena a wink, and finally backing out of the driveway. She then watched him take off from her sight.
Later that evening Lena found herself right back in Abel's nursery, rocking the little boy to sleep. She knew she should have been with Jax at the moment at this so called wrap party that Luann was having at the studio, but she wasn't so sure she should go.
She had talked herself into going to party when Jax first asked her, but then she had time to sit on it and thought that maybe it wasn't such a good idea after all. She was just starting to get her feet wet with beginning to rejoin society again and giving Jax another chance. She didn't know if a party with scantily clad dressed women and SAMCRO was pushing it a bit too far.
Lena released a heavy sigh, looking warmly down at the child in her arms. Abel yawned, and his eyes, that matched his father's, began to slowly close. Once she knew that he was fully asleep, Lena stood from the rocking chair to place Abel in his crib. Not before placing a kiss on his rosy cheek.
"You're good with him."
Lena heard someone way, as she turned to find Gemma making her way into the nursery.
"Hey, Gem, what are you doing here?"
"I'm here to relieve Neeta of her duties." Jax's mother replied, walking up to Abel's crib, her eyes sparkling as she looked down at her sleeping grandson.
Lena stood there confused, folding her arms across her chest. "That's not necessary, Gemma. I can stay and watch Abel."
"You will do no such thing, sweetheart." Gemma demurred, reaching into Abel's crib and pulling his baby blue blanket over his sleeping form and setting a gentle hand on his belly. "There is a party going on tonight at the warehouse." She then looked over at Lena. "And you are going."
Lena shifted uncomfortably. "Nah, I'm okay with staying here."
"Sweetheart," Gemma reached out to place a gentle hand on Lena's shoulder, giving it a small squeeze. "Go be with Jax. Have some fun. And show that skinny tart you ain't going no where."
Lena thought on it for a few seconds, before finally giving in. Gemma pulled her in for a quick hug, before she was shooed out of Abel's nursery.
Jax was all smiles as he squeezed his way through the mass of half naked porn stars and his brothers who had been partaking in the heavenly festivities. He shouldn't have been all smiles, though, considering the shit that they were in. From learning more intel about this white nationalist prick, Ethan Zobelle, to blowing up Darby's Charming cook shop, and finding out that his best friend had a possible death wish, Jax should definitely not be smiling.
What had Jax smiling was the simple reason he wasn't engaging any of the available pussy that was on display tonight. He was finally back with Lena, and he was going to make damn sure he won't fuck it up again.
Carry two foamy beers in plastic cups, Jax approached Opie, who was sulking in one of the producer's chairs.
"This shit's crazy huh?" Jax questioned, gesturing out to the studio of porn stars and MC members. He then handed Opie a cup, before joining him in the next available seat.
Opie accepted the cup, nodding and taking a huge swallow of his beer.
Jax looked over at his best friend —his patched brother with concern. He knew that Opie hadn't been right since Donna's death, and he no idea how to help. "So, uh," he took sip of his drink, "I heard you went a little cowboy at that Mayan thing a few weeks ago. Then that thing with the explosives…"
Opie released a deep, irritated breath. "I don't have a death wish, man."
"Well, you got something." Jax countered.
"I've got the club, I'm just throwing myself into it." Opie answered, finishing off the rest of his beer.
Jax sighed, knowing that his best friend was in deeper shit than he led on. "You got kids, Ope. Just don't throw yourself too far, brother."
Opie then looked over at Jax and saw the genuine concern his best friend had for him. "I promise I won't." He replied, and Jax gave him a nod. "So, what's going on with you Lena? She's been staying at your house, right?"
Again Jax nodded. "Yeah. It's been a couple of rough months since the mugging, but it seems like we might be back on the right track."
"Well, that's good to hear, brother." Opie replied, with another nod of his own head. "She's good for you, man."
"I know she is." Jax agreed, smiling. "I'm going to try not to fuck it up this time."
"Well, then you better move quick."
Jax looked at Opie confused until he looked in the direction his best friend was now pointing. He quickly noticed that Lena had finally arrived, but she was now standing face to face with the current bane of his existence.
Ima fucking Tite.
"Shit." Jax quickly stood his feet, spilling beer over himself in the process. But of course, he didn't care. He just needed to get to Lena and Ima before there was bloodshed.
Wrapping her arms around herself, Lena walked into the studio cautiously bypassing the other party goers. She was feeling slightly uncomfortable and a bit intimidated by the entire scene. She had been to SAMCRO parties in the past and never had any troubles with them. I mean aside from the skanks who threw themselves at every patched member, especially her patched member. But since what happened to her, happened after she left a SAMCRO party, her feelings had changed.
Lena just swallowed down the fear, and persevered on. She had quickly spotted Jax amongst the crowd, sitting next to Opie. As she tried to make her way over to him, she was immediately stopped by the Queen whore herself.
"This is a closed party." Ima jumped up from her throne, stepping in front of Lena.
Lena rolled her eyes in annoyance. "I'm looking for Jax."
"Honey, he has got all he can handle tonight." The porn star jeered, with a smug look on her face.
Lena felt the urge to wipe that look with her fist, but she fought it. Again, she wasn't going to play Ima's little games. Not tonight anyway. "I'm sure he does." She stood her ground.
"I said," Ima stepped closer, when she noticed that Lena wasn't going anywhere, "get out, bitch. What part of that is so hard to comprehend?"
Lena drew a deep breath, the urge to drag this bitch tingling in her fingertips. "How 'bout you get the fuck out of my face, before I mop the floor with you and your cheap ass extensions?"
Lena watched Ima's face falter in fear for a split second when her flock of equally skanky friends stepped up behind her. Again, Lena rolled her eyes at Ima's back up when she just stepped back and turned heel. She knew it was a bad idea to come here tonight.
"That's right!" Lena heard Ima taunt behind her back. "You better run, you little skank."
Lena made her way into the nearest bathroom, slamming the door shut in the process. She rushed up to the sink, taking several deep breaths, trying to calm her agitation. Then there was a sudden knock on the door.
"I'll be out in a minute." Lena stressed, not feeling any less irritated.
She was ten seconds from storming back out there to give Ima the ass whooping she so well deserved, despite her back up. But as she turned to door, Jax was then making his way inside the bathroom.
"Lee, babe, don't let her get to you." Jax said leisurely walking up to Lena.
"I knew I shouldn't have come here." Lena muttered to herself, before looking up at Jax. "Did you let her get to you?"
Jax sighed heavily, shoving his hands in his pockets. "I told you earlier, it's just business—"
Lena had no idea what came over her. She barely let Jax finish his sentence, before she angrily shoved him back. Hard. She knew that Jax was surprised by it by the look on his face. He tried to approach her again, and she gave him another hard shove.
Lena shocked the both of them, as she then forcibly ripped Jax's flannel open, the sound of the buttons scattering across linoleum floor.
Whatever happened next was all a blur.
Lena hadn't expected for her first time since her assault and her and Jax to re-consummate their relationship in the dirty of bathroom of a porn studio. But there she was, as Jax had her hoisted up on the sink, her leggings and panties balled on the floor, while he fucked her senseless.
Lena tried not to let the fear of her assault consume the way Jax was making her feel in this moment, his hips moving unbridled against hers. And to prove it, she let out a body shuddering moan, when Jax hit that right spot.
Lena closed her eyes, continuing to let herself just feel, instead of think. Because she knew if she started thinking, that night would come crashing back into her, and she just wanted it all to just disappear. She missed this. She missed being with Jax like this. She was done with letting those bastards control her.
The moment she opened her eyes, feeling her climax approaching, Lena looked over at the bathroom door. She spotted Ima, standing there, shock and disgust written on her face. Lena felt victorious, watching the little porn slut tinker back off to where she came from. It was just in time, as Lena's intense orgasm set off a frenzy through her body.