Synopsis: Lena Daniels has been in love with Jax Teller for half of her life. As she finally gains his heart, an old love comes back to Charming and threatens their future. Will Lena be able to handle Tara, and Jax's steady rise into the President's chair with SAMCRO?
Pairings: Jax Teller x Lena Daniels (OC), Jax Teller x Tara Knowles (past, mentioned), Jax Teller x Wendy Case (past)
Time Setting: Seasons 1-7
Warnings:DARK FIC fluff, angst, unprotected sex (wrap it, before you tap it, folks), pregnancy, miscarriage, insecurities, infidelity, canon SOA violence & gore, STRONG language, drug & alcohol use, lots of taking the LORD's name in vain, mentions of racism, mentions of rape, and character deaths
Author's Note: So, this is my first SOA story. It is set during the timeline of the entire series, but I'm not going full canon. There will be things that are actually what happened in the show, but with my own twist, and things that are not show canon. The narrative is set to fit the story itself. If you are a Tara Knowles fan, be warned, as this story may not be for you.
➜ CHAPTER 15
warnings: mentions of sexual assault, racially charged language, panic attack, ptsd flashbacks, attempted murder
Things seemed to be going somewhat back to normal for Lena. She and Jax were headed on the right track with their relationship. Her nightmares are not as bad as they used to be, and she was finally feeling comfortable with the outside world again.
Lena knew that she would always carry that night with her until the grave, but she felt like she was really starting to move forward with the whole thing. Or at least learning to cope with it.
Lena was busy tucking the comforter neatly in the corner of the bed, before arranging the pillows back in order. As she stood up straight, she felt a pair of strong hands against her curvaceous backside as they slowly slid their way up to cup her full breasts, pulling her against them.
Lena felt herself tense at the contact, but quickly tried to relax herself when she realized that it was Jax.
"Jax," she breathed, "what are you doing?"
"Nothing," she could feel his mischievous smile, as he began to place nips and kisses along her neck and shoulder.
Lena still hated that there was still some part of her that will never truly feel 100% comfortable in a man's arms ever again. But she knew that this was something she had to now live with.
As Jax squeezed her breasts a little harder, Lena turned in his arms. "Don't you have to leave soon?" She told him cheekily.
"I still got time." Jax said, cupping her face in his hands and pressing his lips to hers.
Lena giggled softly at the feel of Jax's lips as they began their descent down her throat. "Jax," she sighed, feeling him draw his thick lips around her pulse point, "you still have some packing to do." She then pulled away from his embrace, making her way over to the dresser.
Jax released a deep breath, reluctant to let Lena go, but watched as she walked away, smirking at the way her jeans hugged her ass just right. He tried to shake the thoughts from his head, grabbing his duffel and tossing it onto his immaculately made up bed.
"So," Lena began, casually pulling the bobby pins from her wrapped her, "what's this run for again?"
"Blood drive," Jax stated, tossing a few items of clothing into his bag. "Children's hospital in Eureka."
Lena turned to face Jax once she was finished unwrapping her now straightened hair that fell a few inches past her shoulders. "SAMCRO community servants." She teased.
"That's what I'm all about, baby." Jax smirked, zippering his duffel and making his way over to Lena and pulling her back into his arms.
Lena looked up at Jax's sparkling eyes, as he pushed her hair behind her shoulders and cupping her face in his hands once again. He then leaned forward and the moment his lips touched hers, the sounds of Abel's cry echoed through the house.
Jax sighed heavily, still cradling Lena's face. "My boy, master of timing."
"I'll get him." Lena volunteered, but Jax didn't let her go.
"I got 'im, babe." He told her, quickly pecking her lips and leaving the room. "I love you." He stopped to turn to her.
"I love you too." She reciprocated with a smile.
Lena released a shuddering breath, watching Jax retreat from the room. She then turned back to the mirror, quickly eying her reflection. It took her awhile before she could look at herself in the mirror again. She hated the person she now saw and this is what she had to live with.
Shaking her head of those thoughts, Lena then made her way over to the bed and sat. To her left, Jax's kutte was laid out next to his duffel. She then found herself subconsciously reaching over to run her fingers across the patches that were sown on. They had definitely seen better days.
Just then Jax appeared in the doorway, a smile on his face, while he held a squirming Abel in his arms. He stepped into the room, just as Lena stood back to her feet. As she met them halfway, Jax placed the baby into her awaiting arms.
Lena accepted the infant, pecking his chubby, rosy cheek and holding him close to her body. "So, when are you supposed to be back?"
Jax shoved his hands in his jean pockets, watching the scene in awe. Lena was so amazing with his son. He knew she would be. "Just for a couple of days. Maybe shorter. What are your plans for today?"
Lena bounced Abel in her arms. "When Neeta gets here, I'm going to head over to the garage and ask Gemma if I could get my job back at the clubhouse. You think she'd let me back?"
Jax shrugged, throwing his navy blue SAMCRO hoodie over his head. "I don't see why not. Nobody knows that bar like you do." He pulled out his still very wet hair that got stuck in the neck of the hoodie. "Are you sure you're ready to go back though?"
Lena nodded, turning Abel in her arms and took a seat next to Jax. "Yeah, I don't want to stay cooped in this house all day anymore. I need to get back to work." She planted a kiss to the top of Abel's baby blue, reaper beanie covered head. "I was actually thinking about taking some business classes at Charming City Community College; maybe get a license or something."
Jax grabbed his kutte and tossed it over his shoulders, looking at his Old Lady in surprise. For all the years that they've known each other and been together, she had never mentioned anything about going back to school.
Lena noticed the look on Jax's face, and he didn't look too excited about it. "It's a bad idea right?"
Jax immediately shook his head. "No, I actually think it's a great idea, Lee. What brought this on?"
Lena shrugged. "I was thinking I needed to start doing something with my life. I loved working at the clubhouse, and maybe one day I can have a business of my own."
"Well, you got my support, babe." Jax smiled softly, leaning to brush his lips against her cheek. "I know you're not exactly thrilled with it, but I can talk to the club to get you into helping Bobby with Luann's books and shit at CaraCara."
As much as Lena hated that Jax was involved with the porn business, she also knew it was a way for SAMCRO to officially get out of guns and go straight. She also knew this was an opportunity she shouldn't pass up.
"You would do that?" Lena stood to her feet, facing Jax.
Jax nodded. "Absolutely, darlin'." He pulled her in for a kiss.
Then Abel started flailing and making grunting noises in Lena's arms. The pair pulled apart, looking down at the infant.
Lena lifted Abel higher, rubbing his scarred belly. "Are you hungry, little man? Is that it?" Abel grunted in response. "Yeah, he's hungry." She looked at Jax who just continued to smile at her.
Lena gave Jax a smile of her own, before stretching to press her lips to his one last time and leaving with Abel out of the room. "Let's go get you something to eat, so you can be big and strong."
Lena smiled, looking down at the college applications sitting in the passenger seat of her Mustang, as she pulled into the garage. She was a little bit excited about her new adventure. She was just hoping that Gemma hadn't reneged on the previous offer to get back to working at the clubhouse.
Lena parked in the first available spot she found and quickly hopped out. She casually waved her greetings toward the people that were still lingering around well after SAMCRO had left for Eureka. She then headed into Gemma's office, finding Jax's mother helping a client find the keys to their fixed car.
"Hey, Gemma,"
Gemma looked up and smiled at Lena, as the young woman stood in the doorway of her office. "Hey, sweetheart, I'll be with you in just a minute." She said, still desperately trying to find those now missing keys.
As Lena took a seat on the vacant couch, she could see that the lady waiting impatiently for her car was starting to become a bit more irritated by the second.
Just then Piney made his way into the office, holding a stack of envelopes in his hand. "I've got mail for you."
"Just drop it over there." Gemma said, nodding toward her desk.
Piney did what Gemma said, looking over at Lena, giving her a wink. The older man quickly noticed that Gemma was getting a bit frustrated. "Anything I can do for you?" He offered.
Gemma sighed heavily, closing her filing cabinet. "Yeah, you can help me hunt down the keys to the gold Sebring."
"Sure thing, darlin'." Piney nodded, turning his attention to the impatiently waiting client. "Right this way, sweet cheeks." He led the way, and the lady scoffed irritably, storming out.
"Fuckin' bitch." Gemma muttered once the lady and Piney were gone.
"Rough morning?" Lena spoke for the first time in awhile from her spot on the couch.
"And the day is just getting started." Gemma huffed, closing the office door shut and turning her attention to Lena. "What's going on? Everything alright?"
"Yeah, everything's fine," Lena nodded, "I actually wanted to ask you something."
"Okay," Gemma said, sitting on the edge of her desk, "what's up?" She swiped her blonde streaked bangs from her face.
"I was wondering," Lena began nervously, "if you hired someone to take my place at the clubhouse?"
Gemma folded her arms, taken aback. "No, we haven't. Is this your way of asking if you could come back?"
Lena knew this was a long shot and by the look on Gemma's face told her what the answer was. "I know this is a shitty way for me to ask since I left so abruptly and turned down your offers in the past, but I was just hoping that I—"
Gemma smiled, cutting Lena's rambling short. "The job is yours, baby."
Now it was Lena's turn to be taken aback. She was for sure that Gemma was going to deny her. "You're serious?"
"Absolutely," the queen of bikers stated. "I meant what I said when I told you, you're the only one who knows what the hell they're doing over there."
"Thank you so much, Gem."
"No, problem, sweetheart." Gemma then turned back to her desk, going to sort through the mail.
"So, when did you need me to start?" Lena questioned, now standing to her feet.
"I mean, now would be great." Gemma replied, still going through the mail, coming upon a thick, slightly crumpled Manila envelope. She furrowed her perfectly arched brows in confusion as there was no return address, but just Lena's name scribbled on the front.
"Everything okay?" Lena asked, noticing the puzzled look on Gemma's face.
"Uh," the Queen of SAMCRO looked up at Lena, "this is actually addressed to you." She held the envelope out toward her son's old lady.
Now it was Lena's turn to furrow her brows, as she accepted the piece of mail from Gemma. "Why would I be getting mail here at TM?" She wondered aloud.
Gemma then stood as well. "I don't know, sweetheart. It has no return address and it looks like a child just scribbled your name on it barely legibly."
"O-kay," Lena muttered, turning the Manila envelope in her hand to break the seal. As she opened it, she pulled out a crinkled paper bag from an old store in town named Sherman's. "What the hell?" Lena looked up at Gemma, when she felt something inside the bag. Reaching in, she pulled out something that felt like rubber in her hands.
Once Lena's eyes made contact with the object, she felt her heart take a nose dive right into the pit of her stomach and the bile rise up the back of her throat. She was now holding a stark white face mask —the mask they wore that night.
Lena immediately let the mask slip from her grip, and she barely heard as it bounced off the floor. She felt her throat starting to close in on her, and her chest was getting tighter by the moment.
All she could see right now was the three of them, as they wore that mask, hiding their true identities, while they violated her in the most horrific of ways.
Lena could feel the cold, hard ground that they threw her on. The tearing of her stockings. The feel of their disgusting hands. The pain when they…
"Lena," Gemma called out.
Lena couldn't hear Gemma over her rapidly beating heart.
"Lena," Gemma called out again, reaching to get her attention.
"…we will find you and do this again…"
"No," Lena cried out, shrugging off Gemma's touch, "please."
Lena then looked up and then realized that it was Gemma and not them, who touched her. Guilt sat in the pit of her stomach. "Oh, Gemma, I'm so sorry."
Gemma shook her head, her heart clenching at the look on Lena's face. Something definitely wasn't right. "It's alright, sweetheart."
"I'm sorry." Lena sobbed uncontrollably, throwing herself into Gemma's open arms.
"It's, okay, sweetheart." The biker matriarch soothed, rubbing Lena's back. "It's gonna be okay."
Gemma poured freshly brewed coffee into an unused, white Styrofoam cup, before adding the cream and sugar.
It had been almost an hour since Lena's triggered panic attack over the mask that had been mailed to her anonymously. Gemma now knew that something much more worse happened to her son's Old Lady; more than she originally led everyone to believe.
Gemma brought the coffee over to Lena, as the young woman sat, staring out the window facing the inside of the garage.
"Hey,"
Lena looked up at and saw that Gemma was now standing over her with a steaming cup of coffee in her hands. She graciously accepted it.
Gemma then went back to sit on the edge of her desk, watching as Lena took a cautious sip of her hot beverage. Her first thought was to call Jax but immediately thought better of it.
"So," Gemma began, "you want to tell me what's really going on? Why did that mask spook you into a panic attack?" She pointed to the brown paper bag, where she had put the mask back out of Lena's sight.
Lena shrugged nonchalantly, blowing on the coffee in the cup, before taking another sip. Her eyes were still trained on the window in front of her. "There's nothing to talk about, Gem."
Gemma huffed in irritation. "Bullshit, Lee." She barked, and immediately started finally putting the pieces together. "You weren't mugged, were you?"
Lena just sat there as a lone tear slipped down her cheek.
"Jesus Christ." Gemma muttered, not wanting to believe the unthinkable happened to Lena. "Lee, you need to tell me what happened."
Lena swallowed thickly, finally turning to face Gemma. "Just use your imagination."
"Was this an attack on Jax and the club?"
Again, Lena nodded, as she held back a choked sob. "They wanted me to tell Jax to stop selling guns to color. Not the exact words they used."
"And of course, you haven't told Jax." Gemma stated, knowing that her son only knew that his girlfriend had been mugged and not — Gemma sighed heavily.
Lena turned to Gemma, shaking her head. "He doesn't need to know, Gem. He's got too much shit going on with Abel and the club. He and Clay's bullshit—"
Gemma cut her off. "I know, and if Jax finds out, it's not gonna be any good. For anyone. SAMCRO doesn't need this right now. We'll deal with it, sweetheart." She told Lena, before reaching over and grabbing the paper bag. "Let's go."
Lena looked at Gemma in confusion. "Where are we going?"
"You'll see when we get there." Gemma stated, then grabbed her bag and keys.
Lena was still confused, but she quickly dumped her half drunk coffee and followed her old man's mother out of the office. Gemma then told Piney that she had an errand to run, and she and Lena hopped in the Cadillac.
Lena never anticipated what Gemma was up to even after the Queen of Charming pulled her truck into an empty parking spot on Main Street. Right across the street from them was where that Sherman's store used to be.
"Gemma, what are we doing here?" Lena questioned eying her surrounding, trying to figure out what they were doing.
Gemma didn't answer Lena, as the older woman reached over Lena's lap, to grab her purse and pulled it onto her own lap. She then began to rummage through it, before pulling out a silk scarf.
Lena watched, as Gemma carefully held onto the scarf in her hand as she knew that something clunky was wrapped in it. To her surprise, when Gemma finally unwrapped the scarf, there was a .22 silver pistol inside.
Lena knew that Gemma carried guns on her like designer handbags, but it still shocked her every time Gemma would pull one out.
Lena continued to watch as Gemma gently wiped the gun off with the scarf, before handing it in her direction.
"Uh," Lena looked nervously down at the weapon, "what are you doing?"
"Take it." Gemma barked, shoving the weapon in Lena's face.
Although half her life she'd been surrounded by guns, Lena never bothered to touch one. There was a reason. Guns were scary as fuck.
"I don't think so." Lena shook her head, pushing Gemma's hand away.
"Just take the goddamn gun." Gemma pushed it back toward Lena.
"What am I supposed to do with it?" Lena questioned Jax's mother in a panic.
"Jesus Christ." Gemma hissed in irritation, shoving the gun back into her purse. She then reached behind herself to snatch the brown paper bag and quickly hopped out of the truck.
"Gemma, where are you going?" Lena yelled, confused and a bit concerned by what Gemma was doing and just hopped out alongside of her.
By the time Lena had caught up with the biker matriarch, Gemma was already half way across the street stomping her nine inch stiletto boots with purpose toward the shop.
The moment Lena stepped onto the opposite sidewalk, she ran into a hard body, as they had stepped out of their vehicle.
"Oh, I'm sorry," Lena quickly apologized, as she had yet to look up at the person she just ran into.
"Yeah, you should be sorry." The deep voice said, and it immediately sent a shocking chill down her spine.
Lena finally looked up into the eyes of a man that made her entire body go numb. She'd never seen his face before, but she could never forget his voice.
"I'm—I'm sorry?" Lena muttered in confusion.
"You heard me." The man spat, eying Lena up and down, before looking at her as if she were scum on the bottom of his shoe. "You need to watch wear you step next time, nig—"
Lena immediately cut him off, now feeling anger pulse through her veins. "Finish that sentence. I dare you."
"Or what?" The man challenged, stepping closer to her. "You need to learn some goddamn respect, girl."
Lena swallowed thickly, her eyes going straight toward the man's neck and immediately spotted the tattoo. The same tattoo on the man who did a very horrible, disgusting thing to her. She felt sick to her stomach.
"Is there something wrong here?"
Lena quickly blinked back her tears, looking over at Gemma, who was now standing behind the man. She then gave the man one last look, regretting not taking Gemma's gun. He gave her a sinister smirk and turned to walk away.
"No, problem, ma'am." The man told Gemma cheekily, as he continued to head toward the store where a man who was too well dressed for setting up shop was waiting for him.
Lena could feel her entire body beginning to shake. She needed to get out of here.
"You okay?" Gemma questioned, looking at Lena with concern.
Lena kept her attention on the man she now knew as her attacker, who was still looking her way. She then looked up at Gemma, shaking her head.
"I need to get out of here." Lena told Gemma, walking off back to the truck.
Gemma sighed, looking over her shoulder at the cigar shop owner and the guy she found Lena having some kind of heated discussion with. She then began to put the puzzle pieces together.
"Shit." The queen of bikers cursed, before following behind her son's girlfriend.
When Gemma pulled back into the garage, she parked her truck back in her assigned spot. She placed the vehicle in park and turned off the engine. She took a quick glance over at Lena who hadn't said a word the whole way back.
"That was him, wasn't it?" Gemma questioned.
Lena was quiet for a few moments, before nodding her head a single tear slipped down her cheek. "Yeah, he was one of them."
One of them? Gemma looked at Lena in confusion. "There was more than one? Jesus Christ."
Lena wiped harshly at another tear fallen on face. "Three of them," she admitted waited a beat, "but he was the leader. I recognized his voice and the tat on his throat."
"Jesus," Gemma whispered harshly. She couldn't imagine the trauma that this girl must have went through that night. "Sweetheart," she then reached over to grab Lena's hand into hers.
Lena arrived back at Jax's house to relieve Neeta of her duties. Today she had been on one emotional rollercoaster. From telling Gemma her secret to stumbling onto the bastard who orchestrated her assault, she just wanted it to be all over.
After making sure that Abel was down for the night, Lena found herself standing underneath the scalding water of her shower. She was allowing the physical pain of the hot water, raining down like hot lava on her skin, to try to wash away her emotional pain. But she didn't feel as if it was working.
Lena finally released a full body sob, she had been holding in, sliding down to the floor of the shower and hugging her knees to her chest. She really thought that this was finally over. She was hoping that it'd be over. But now she was starting to realize, this was only the beginning.
When the water finally turned cold, Lena found herself numbly going through the motions of getting dressed for bed. Throwing on one of Jax's oversized tee's and a pair of sleep shorts, she was now trying to dry her now curly hair with a cotton shirt. She should have been upset with herself for ruining the three hours it took for her to straighten her hair —which barely lasted 24 hours, but she couldn't care less in this moment.
Lena then reached over to her purse, on the dresser, to pull out her phone that she knew needed charging. As she was digging around, she felt something soft and smooth. With furrowed brows, she grabbed a hold of whatever it was and yanked it out of her purse. She looked down at the object in her hand. She knew exactly what it was, but she wondered how it made it into her bag.
Lena released a deep, shuddering breath, the silk of the scarf feeling gentle, yet heavy in the palm of her hand. Swallowing thickly, she began to unwrap the scarf to finally reveal the .22 that Gemma tried to give her earlier that day.
The following morning, Lena found herself parked right back outside of what she now knew was those racist pricks' cigar shop. She had been sitting there waiting for that piece of shit to show up, and when he finally did, she would be ready for him.
Lena waited in anticipation, checking her side view mirror for any indication for his arrival. She had been waiting for a little over an hour now, and she wasn't about to give up.
Just then, a white pick up truck parked curbside in front of the store. Lena swallowed nervously as he stepped out of the vehicle. She watched as he shook hands with the well dressed man from yesterday. They both went inside.
A few moments later, he returned back to his truck and hopped back in.
Lena took that as her cue. She quickly checked her purse, making sure the .22 was still in there. As it was, she looked up at the truck finally pulled off. She then started the engine to her Mustang, backing out of the parking spot and following his trail.
Lena tried to be as discreet as possible, as she continued to follow the truck. She made sure to stay at least two to three cars behind, to not draw any further suspicions that she was on his tail.
When he finally reached his destination, he parked his truck on the curb, as Lena parked just across the street. She could still see him from where he walked behind a gate, greeting what she believed was his other Neo-nazi buddies. She watched them congregate for a good 15-20 minutes, before finally splitting up.
This was now Lena's chance as she saw him step into an available porta potty. Grabbing the .22 from her purse, she quickly tucked it in the back of her jeans and hopped out of her car. Carefully crossing the street, to avoid getting hit by any oncoming traffic, she then stepped hastily inside the stall next to his.
Lena took in a deep breath, trying to fight off her nerves. When she woke up this morning, she had no idea that she would be here right now. But here she was. Last night as she tried and failed to sleep, all she could think about was him and what he did to her. Gemma slipping that gun was the sign she needed.
Of course, Lena had never killed anyone in her life. The most she'd ever done was drag a croweater by her cheap extensions across the clubhouse floor in a drunken stupor. But this, this was something way out of her league. She didn't know if she had the strength to do it.
Lena then heard the sound of his voice, as he stepped out of the porta potty. She could tell that he was talking to someone on his cell phone —sounded like his kid or something. But she swallowed that thought down.
Pulling the gun from from the back of her jeans, Lena's hands shook nervously as she cocked it back. She then slightly and cautiously opened the door to her porta potty, hoping he wouldn't hear her presence. She was immediately graced with the back of his head —the perfect shot.
Raising the gun slowly, Lena aimed for her target. Her hands were shaking even more. Her finger laid on the trigger and with just the small amount of pressure, her nightmare would finally be over.
Lena felt like her heart was about to explode in her chest, as she tried to squeeze the trigger a little harder. But she failed to do so. She then quickly pulled back, closing and locking the door to her porta potty. She sat down trying to control her breathing, but ended up choking back a silent sob.
"Shit."
She couldn't do it.