warnings: mentions of prostitution, character death, implied smut

SAMCRO being released from county hadn't been the end of their troubles. The shit just continued to pile on top of each other.

Luann Delaney was dead.

Deputy Chief Hale dropped by, unannounced, to deliver the devastating news at the disastrous potlatch dinner Gemma had thrown. The biker matriarch was to try to bring some semblance of peace to the chaos surrounding their lives, but it didn't work. It only seemed to make things worse. According to Hale, Luann had been found on county road 18, beaten to death.

Lena felt like she was watching SAMCRO crumble right in front of her very eyes, as Clay blatantly accused Jax of having anything to do with Luann's demise. Jax fought back and from there the chaos erupted like a volcano. The Sons were literally at each other's throats. If it hadn't been for Gemma furiously slamming the plate of carved meat on the dinner table, shattering her great-grandmother's porcelain serving dish, Lena thought for sure that this shit would have been escalated beyond repair.

Sighing heavily, Lena, fresh from her shower and wrapped in a towel, stepped into her and Jax's bedroom. She wasn't surprised to find Jax just sitting at the foot of the bed with his head in his hands. He had been in a somber mood since the both of them came home last night.

Lena knew that Jax was allowing Clay's words to consume him into feeling guilty about what happened to Luann. She also knew that no amount of words could tell him otherwise.

Tightening her towel around herself, Lena made her way over to Jax and sat next to him. He then looked up at her, giving her a warm smile. She reached over to grab his hand in hers, giving it a small squeeze.

"Jax," she whispered, "please don't blame yourself for what happened to Luann. It wasn't your fault."

"Yeah," Jax began after a few seconds of silence, "it still feels like it is. And now I have to go and tell a brother, who's barely hanging on as it is, that his wife was murdered." He then turned to look at her. "I don't know what I'd do if that had been you." He whispered softly.

Lena was quiet for a few more moments, laying her head against his hoodie covered shoulder. "Do you want me to go with you to Stockton to talk to Otto? Neeta should be here any minute now."

Jax released a deep, shuddering breath, running a hand down his face. "Nah, I think it's best if I go alone." He then quickly brought Lena's hand to his lips and pressing a kiss to the back of it, before standing to his feet. "I'm gonna check on Abel, and then I'm gonna head out." He told her, leaning to press a kiss to her forehead.

Lena barely had a chance to protest, as she desolately watched Jax retreat from her sight. She swallowed thickly, feeling the fear and anxiety of everything pumping through her system. It caused her stomach to tighten in a thick knot, and before she had a chance to stop it, she was up and running back to the bathroom to empty the contents of her stomach.

Jax angrily stormed out of the clubhouse from yet another confrontational encounter with Clay. It was as if he couldn't catch a fucking break. Earlier, when he returned back to Charming from Stockton, he was immediately bombarded with the news that some of his CaraCara girls had been busted for prostitution. Something in his gut wasn't sitting right with that. Someone was definitely trying to set him up.

Now to top it all off, Clay went behind his back and made a deal with the Chinese to start selling guns again. SAMCRO's prez was also growing adamant about trying to permanently shut down CaraCara, now that they were tied to prostitution.

Jax was having none of it. He knew that CaraCara, despite what happened to Luann, was still a good business deal for SAMCRO to earn decent, legitimate money —to get out of running illegal guns. Clay, of course, spat all over it, with his blatant disdain for the porn business. He was still trying to place the death of Luann on Jax, while holding the prostitution bust over the VP's head.

Jax, frustrated and nearly done with this bullshit, threw a not so friendly reminder to Clay that if he was to continue to lay guilt of a dead wife on him, that he knew what really happened to Donna Winston that night. He then firmly told his club President that shutting down CaraCara needed a club vote and finally walked away.

Now Jax found himself sitting outside of the clubhouse, anxiously puffing on a joint. He casually reached into his front pocket and pulled out one of his burners. He quickly went through his contacts, finally finding Lena's name and pressing the call button.

Jax felt like he needed to hear Lena's voice, because he was going out of his fucking mind with all of this shit. But he felt even more disappointed when she didn't pick up and the phone eventually went to voicemail. Snapping his phone closed, he stuffed it back in his pocket, and took an inhale from the joint.

Just then he looked up to find that Bobby was now approaching him.

"You want to tell me what that dead wife shit was all about?"

Jax sighed desolately, releasing a cloud of smoke. "Otto knew, man. I was the reason. I got Luann killed."

"No," Bobby shook his head dismissively, "you thought you were doing the right thing." There was a slight pause, before he decided to blurt out, "I was tapping Luann."

That caught Jax's attention, as he looked back over at Bobby. "Seriously?"

"Ever since I took over her books." SAMCRO's secretary muttered, shamefully looking at his feet.

Jax was perturbed by the thought of Bobby and Luann getting it on, but was also slightly curious. "How was it?"

"It was," Bobby hesitated for a moment, trying to find the right words to describe his time with the former porn star, "a little scary."

Jax nodded in understanding, taking another hit from his joint. "Well, you're covered, I guess. Prison clause." He stated almost in a bitter tone.

Jax, for the love of him, hated that damn rule. He knew he would lose his shit if he ever found out if Lena would ever take advantage of it while he's in lock up. Of course, he knew, she wouldn't. She was loyal to him completely. But if she ever did, he also knew it would be very much deserved for all the shit he's ever put her through in the past.

"Yeah, well," Bobby grunted, "it still feels shitty."

Jax blew out another cloud of smoke, feeling sympathetic toward Bobby. "I'm sorry, man."

Bobby shrugged it off in a nonchalant manner. "I guess we move on, right?" Things get quiet for a moment. "You know, Clay —he's not gonna get a majority club vote. The guys, they love porn. Hell, they practically live at the studio."

Jax nodded in agreement. "That's why he hates it."

"Cum equals cash, brother. You, me, —we all know it. CaraCara ain't going nowhere."

Jax knew that Bobby was telling the truth. He just wished that he could feel it in his gut. Even if the club majority vote to keep CaraCara, Clay would still find a way to sabotage it somehow.

"Look," Jax stood from his spot on the bench, stubbing out his joint, "I'm gonna head out. Update Juice and Chibs." He told Bobby, before patting the older man on his shoulder and heading toward his bike. He just needed to get away from the clubhouse for a bit, before he would end up doing something he'd regret.

Lena found herself a little later on that day visiting Chibs at St. Thomas. The Scotsman was surprised and happy to see her, but she could tell that something was off with him. Lena probably guessed that it had something to do with his estranged wife, Fiona, showing up in Charming out of the blue.

Yeah, Lena was surprised to hear of this estranged wife herself. She knew that Chibs had formerly been banished from Ireland and that he was married at one point and they'd had a kid, but she hadn't known that he was still married to that same woman.

Before the disastrous dinner, the night before, Gemma had explained to Lena there were three women in her life she was most terrified of: her mother, her third grade math teacher, and that Irish bitch. The words Gemma used to describe Fiona.

Lena also learned that with Fiona being in Charming it might have brought along some extra baggage. That baggage now included someone named Jimmy O'Phelan. Apparently, both Fiona and Jimmy had direct ties to the true IRA.

Lena barely had a clue to who any of these people were, and she wasn't so sure she wanted to find out. As they were still trying to deal with Ethan Zobelle and his racist circle of tyrants.

Lena swallowed thickly, standing up from her spot on an empty pew. After her visit with Chibs, she went to see Juice next, who had been occupying the room down the hall from the scarred Scotsman, before making a small detour. She was just on her way to head out to the clubhouse when she found herself stepping into the hospital chapel just for a few moments.

Again, Lena wasn't the religious type, but she felt like she needed a place to calm her growing worries. She'd sat quietly in the chapel by herself for awhile, not knowing what to do. She didn't know how to pray. And even if she did, she had no idea what she needed to be asking for. She also didn't think that God would care to hear any of her prayers anyway.

Lena somberly made her way over to the small rack of votive candles. She noticed that some of the candles had already been lit. Now it had been awhile, but she remembered, as a little girl, watching her mother light one of those candles for her father. So, she thought she should do the same, but for Luann, and maybe for herself.

Watching the flames on the candles flicker, Lena felt a tear slide down her cheek. But she quickly wiped it away, as she turned to see the door of the chapel being opened. She was stunned to see that Jax was now standing there.

Lena noticed that Jax seemed confused to see her there as well.

"Hey," Jax slowly approached Lena with furrowed brows, "what are you doing here?"

Lena sucked in a deep breath, trying to keep her emotions at bay. "I just stopped by to check in on Chibs and Juice. I guess I needed to clear my head, so I ended up here."

Jax immediately noticed that something was off with Lena. Something had been off with her for awhile now. "You okay? I tried to call you earlier."

Lena avoided Jax's gaze, looking down at her feet. "Yeah, I'm good. I guess cell service in this place is still as shitty as ever." Once she caught her bearings, she looked back up at her Old Man. "How did Otto take the news?"

Jax sighed heavily. "The same way you'd expect." He then reached out for her hands and pulled her closer to him. "You'd tell me if anything was wrong, right?"

Again, Lena swallowed thickly, trying to push down the nauseous feeling in her gut. "Of course, Jax."

Jax tried to read her eyes, but they just seemed sad and empty. "C'mere, I want to talk to you about something." He led her over to an empty pew, where they both sat. "This shit between me and Clay, I don't think it's going to get any better anytime soon."

Lena's brows furrowed in confusion. "Did something else happen?"

"He's got us back to running guns with the Chinese." Jax explained. "And now he's threatening to shut CaraCara down for good."

Lena was immediately disappointed by the fact that SAMCRO was back to their illegal ways. She knew this was not the best road for them to take. As much as she hated Jax being a part of it, CaraCara was always the best way to go. "But could Clay really do that? Could he really shut down CaraCara? I thought something like that was supposed to be a club decision."

Jax nodded in agreement. "It is a club decision. And, fortunately for me, the guys love porn."

Lena immediately rolled her eyes, muttering, "of course they do." Again, just because it was legitimate, didn't mean she had to like it.

Jax smirked at the hint of jealousy in Lena's tone. He then reached to grab her hands in his, giving them a gentle squeeze. "Even if we get a club majority vote on this shit, there's no telling what he'd do."

"You really think that Clay would actually do something?" Lena questioned in uncertainty. Jax just huffed in response, and she wasn't sure how to take that. "Jax, look I know this whole full disclosure thing between you and me is still pretty new, but what really happened between you and Clay? It's been this way for months, ever since Donna's funeral."

At the mention of Opie's wife's name, Jax immediately pulled away from Lena, and she looked at him in mostly surprise and a little bit confused.

Did Donna Winston have something to do with this rift between Jax and Clay?

Lena then immediately thought back to that night —yes that night— before Bobby's party where Jax told her about the Mayan he helped Opie kill. She remembered that he told her that it wasn't the Mayan that did it, and he had his suspicions, but wouldn't elaborate for her safety.

"Jesus Christ," Lena whispered in exclamation, finally putting two and two together, as she turned to Jax, "please tell me that Clay was not involved with Donna's murder?"

Jax released a shuddering breath, running a tired hand across his face. That was Lena's confirmation.

Lena really felt like wanting to throw up even more now. "What about Opie, Jax? Because I can take a pretty good guess that he doesn't know about this shit."

Jax looked back over at Lena, shaking his head. "I'm trying to protect Opie, Lee. I'm also trying to protect my club. Shit could go really bad if Opie ever found out the truth."

"So, what? You're just not going to tell him?"

"Not until I can somehow get this club back on track." Jax told Lena, and she just remained quiet. He waited a few seconds, before continuing, "look, there's something else I want to talk to you about. If this shit between Clay and me continues to go sideways, I've been toying with the idea of possibly joining the Nomad charter of the Sons."

Lena's brows furrowed in confusion, as she turned her attention back to her Old Man. "Nomad?"

Lena's heard about the Nomad charter before, as she knew that Happy Lowman was a current member, but she had no clue what it meant.

"Yeah," Jax nodded, "if I transfer to the Nomad charter it means I'm still a member of the MC, I just wouldn't be attached to any one town. I'll attend church at different places— put a few extra miles on my bike." As he explained, he could see her confusion turn to hesitation in her eyes. So he grabbed her hands in his once more. "I may need to put some distance between Clay and me, Lee."

That feeling tightened in Lena's gut. "And what about trying to fix SAMCRO? What happens to us if you decide to go Nomad?"

"I'll figure it all out, babe." Jax told her, before the buzzing sound of his cell phone broke the growing tension. He sighed heavily, reaching into his pocket to see who was calling. He then huffed, turning to look back at Lena. "I gotta take this. Lee, I just need you to trust me on this, okay?"

Lena was quiet for a moment, before nodding in agreement. She then felt Jax's plush lips against hers, as she watched him step out of the chapel.

Lena knew this had bad idea written all over it.

hey it's gonna be a late night don't wait up...

Lena sighed heavily, making her way into the house later on that evening. She had just received a text message from Jax, basically letting her know that he wasn't going to be coming home that night as he was caught up in club shit. As she tossed her purse onto the kitchen table, she quickly sent him a k in return. She didn't have the energy to fully deal with his late night tonight. Her mind and body was drained.

The moment that Lena stepped foot into the house, Neeta made her hasty exit. So, Lena just retired herself into the one place that gave her the most comfort, Abel's nursery.

While the infant slept peacefully in his crib, Lena sat with John Teller's manuscript in her lap. It hadn't taken her long to finish reading the book, after Jax had given it to her almost a week ago. She just wanted to be thorough in understanding what John Teller really wanted from the club. And from what Jax's father had written in those pages, this club was no longer the club he originally envisioned.

After Lena's talk with Jax earlier today, and his possibly going Nomad, it got her to thinking that maybe Jax and Clay separating themselves will do the club some good. But it didn't keep her from worrying about how things would go if Jax was no longer a member of SAMCRO. Selfishly, she worried about how Jax leaving SAMCRO would affect her relationship with the blonde biker.

Yeah, this was definitely a bad idea.

It was the following morning, and Jax finally made his way into his home. Yesterday had been long and exhausting and all he really wanted to do was to be with his son and Old Lady.

Jax quickly checked on Abel, who was still sleeping peacefully in his crib. He gave a warm smile to his son, placing a gentle hand on his belly. Retreating from the nursery, Jax's attention had been pulled toward the sound of the shower running. When he stood outside of the bathroom, the door wide open, he just stood there and watched.

Jax was enamored by what he was seeing. His Old Lady standing inside of the glass shower, skin slick from what he knew was the scalding hot water she was standing under, accompanied by the steam that fogged the glass doors.

Lena was so goddamn beautiful.

This was Jax's happy place. She was his happy place.

Jax knew that Lena had sensed his presence, as she turned to see him standing outside of the bathroom, watching her. She gave him a small, comforting smile, and he returned the gesture. He then began to peel his clothing off one by one. When he finally stepped out of his boxers, he made his way into the bathroom and opened the glass door.

Lena looked up at him with those beautiful amber eyes of hers, and Jax reached out to pull her in his arms. He cupped her face in his hands, running a gentle thumb across her damp cheek and leaning forward to press his mouth to hers in a heated kiss.

With Abel in her arms, Lena made her way into the kitchen where Jax was sitting at the table, hair still wet from their shower, smoking a cigarette. She was also carrying John Teller's manuscript, as she laid it in front of him.

Jax looked down at the book and then back at Lena, their eyes speaking what their mouths couldn't say. He released sigh, stubbing out his cigarette and stood to his feet. He stepped toward Lena, pulling her in for a for kiss. He quickly pulled back, looking down at his son in Lena's arms and placed a kiss to his head.

The sound of the house phone ringing interrupted their small family moment.

"I'll get it." Lena said, gently placing Abel into Jax's arms and then made her way to the cordless house phone. "Hello." She answered, picking the phone up from the receiver.

"Hey, Lena, it's Hale."

Lena's brows contorted in confusion, as to why David Hale would be calling Jax's house. What could have possibly happened now? "Hey."

"I've been trying to get ahold of Jax, but he's not picking up his phone. Is he there?"

Still confused as ever, Lena took a quick glance at Jax, who was trying to settle a squirmy Abel in his arms. "Yeah, he's right here. Hold on."

Now it was Jax's turn to look at her confused, as Lena approached him with the phone.

"It's David," she began, "he said he's been trying to get ahold of you."

Jax stood taken aback, but reluctantly took the phone from Lena, as he passed his son back to his Old Lady. "Hale, what's going on?"

Lena couldn't hear what David was telling Jax, but she knew it wasn't good by the way the Jax's demeanor completely faltered.

"What happened?" Lena questioned, once Jax disconnected the call, tossing the cordless phone on the table.

Jax looked back at her, and she could see the anger and disappointment in his eyes.

That definitely wasn't good.