Donnie still had his powers. They'd been banished and abandoned by the gods, and yet nothing seemed to have changed for him. Raph knew that Donnie had still been in the wind's favor and been able to access the powers of the air, so that much didn't come as a surprise to him. It was still a little painful and infuriating that Donnie's relationship with the wind hadn't changed at all while Raph was stuck building up his relationship with the ocean from the ground up. But it wasn't Donnie's fault that he was more likeable. It wasn't his fault that he still had his powers. He'd never asked for it.
Raph wasn't bothered by Donnie's air powers. What he was shocked and slightly disturbed about was that Donnie could apparently still transform, even when he only had access to his staff. Before the whole banishment mess, they'd only been able to transform when they combined both of their weapons and powers. Donnie used to theorize that it was because the gods hadn't wanted the two of them to get too powerful.
Obviously, that theory was completely off. Not only could Donnie still transform after all this time, something that Raph himself couldn't do even with both of their weapons, but Donnie did it all on his own...without Raph's help. Donnie had done it so easily that Raph doubted that this was the first time he had done it. So Donnie could transform, he'd been able to for who knows how long, and Donnie had never told him.
Raph was confused and hurt, and he absolutely hated how weak it made him feel. He knew it probably wasn't that big a deal, but it certainly felt like it. Slash's taunts and words had affected him more than Raph cared to admit, but seeing Donnie transform like that right in front of him, it made everything worse. It felt like everything that Slash said was being confirmed.
Raph was so caught up in his own mind that he didn't do anything as Donnie basically pulled him along as they flew back to their boat. He stood frozen as Donnie, who's grip on his arm had moved down to his hand, gave the staff a wave once they were back on the boat to summon a gust of wind to fill the sails and get them moving.
They were almost to the exit of the Hidden City when there was a loud roar. Donnie stiffened and tightened his grip so much that Raph felt his hands go numb. Raph knew his brother well enough to know that Donnie must have thought that the roar belonged to Slash. But Raph also knew Slash well enough to know it wasn't him. It was a different mutant, and they sounded both really angry, and really nearby.
Looking for something else to focus on other than this unreasonable feeling of betrayal, Raph turned his gaze to the city, scanning for trouble. He could see Mikey doing the same, though the mortal seemed to be looking for an entirely different reason.
Just before they reached the mist that would take them back to the mortal world Raph saw a large mutant running right towards them. He growled and automatically reached for the sai at his side, but Mikey's reaction caught him off guard. He didn't seem worried or anxious, he seemed to be almost relieved and happy.
"Donnie, wait!" Mikey grabbed Donnie's staff and pulled it down. "It's Leatherhead. We can't just leave him."
The name didn't sound familiar, but Raph realized that he did vaguely recognize the alligator-like mutant running towards them. The mutant, Leatherhead, had been on the roof and had fought off Slash, giving them the chance to get away. Raph didn't know this mutant, but maybe he was a friend, or at the very least an ally. So he didn't say anything as Donnie did as Mikey asked and slowed the boat down enough for Leatherhead to catch up to them.
Raph didn't like that they were staying still. If Leatherhead was here, then that meant that he wasn't holding Slash back anymore. Raph's old so-called friend couldn't be far behind him. Donnie seemed to share his sentiments, because the second that Leatherhead had jumped onto the small boat, which was starting to get way too cramped, the wind started up again and they started off.
Once they were through the mists and back out onto the open ocean, Raph suddenly didn't feel as vulnerable as before. Slash wasn't out here, and while there was nothing keeping the mutant from following them out, this was the world that Raph was used to. He may not like it very much sometimes, especially when out on the open ocean when the traitorous sea didn't seem to like him very much, but familiar territory, no matter how horrible it was, left Raph feeling a lot more in control than he had been in the Hidden City. And control was something that he really wanted right now.
Raph tightened his grip around his sai as he remembered the control was about the last thing that he had. He had his sais back, which felt great, but nothing had changed. He couldn't control or influence the water, and he couldn't even transform...and Donnie could.
Raph didn't realize that he was squeezing his brother's hand until Donnie gave him a squeeze back. "Are you okay?"
Raph scowled and pulled his hand away from Donnie's. He glared at his brother. "You wanna tell me what all of that was about?! We've only ever been able to transform together. Since when have you been able to do it on your own?"
Donnie grimaced. For a long moment he didn't answer and Raph was worried that he just wouldn't tell him, but finally Donnie seemed to get over his hesitancy. "It took me a few years of trial and error to figure it out, but...but I figured it out about 450 years ago."
Raph paled slightly. 450 years? Why hadn't Donnie ever told him? Why would he have kept that secret for so long? Raph swallowed and just stared at his brother. He felt like he had forgotten how to speak, but it probably didn't matter, because he couldn't even think of what he wanted to say.
Donnie clutched at his staff like it was a lifeline. "Raph, I swear, I wasn't trying to hurt you." Raph glared at his brother. Yes, he was hurt, but he didn't want attention drawn to it. "I just...you know me, I like knowing things just for the same of knowing it. It's not like I went out of my way to learn something that I knew you couldn't do."
Raph huffed. "I know," Donnie could be a little thoughtless sometimes, but he wasn't really cruel. "But I don't...it's just...agh!" Raph knelt down just so he could punch at the ocean. He was met with resistance. It was almost like hitting something solid. Raph wondered if the ocean had done this because it wanted to cause him pain, or because it knew that he really wanted something to take his aggression out on. "I don't get it!"
Donnie immediately latched on to that, like he always did. Raph was already regretting his choice of words. "What don't you understand?" The only thing that Donnie liked more than learning things was being able to teach someone who was struggling.
Raph didn't usually have patience for Donnie's all-knowing attitude, but especially not right now. "If you've been able to transform all this time, why didn't you just turn into a bird and fly away from that stupid island?!" It was the most obvious thing to Raph, and what was obvious to him must be the first thing that Donnie thought of. Donnie's shocked and horrified expression told Raph that maybe it wasn't so obvious.
"You...why would you think I would do that?" Donnie sounded insulted at the very thought, which just frustrated and confused Raph.
"Why wouldn't you?" Raph stood up and spread his hands out. "You have the wind on your side. It would have let you leave the limbo. You could have left at any time, and you're seriously telling me that you never even considered it?" Raph was getting progressively louder. He knew that Leo was watching him, but he couldn't really care less about what he thought at the moment.
Donnie was looking incredibly overwhelmed. He took a deep breath to get his emotions under control. Donnie then gave Raph a look that was more concerned than anything else, and Raph hated it. He didn't want his brother to feel sorry for him, he wanted to know why his brother was acting like an idiot.
Donnie didn't seem to be done asking questions. "If your positions were switched, is that what you would have done?"
Shock cut through Raph's anger, at least for a moment. "I...no, of course not," Raph just stared at his brother. Sure, he may wonder why Donnie wouldn't have left, even though he definitely wouldn't have, but it was different! Donnie had so much going for him. He shouldn't be held back by his brother.
"And yet you're wondering why I didn't?" Donnie's tone was slightly hurt, but his expression was one of pure curiosity. He seemed to just be trying to understand.
"That's different," Raph growled.
"Why?" Donnie asked, sounding like he was getting pretty angry himself. "Why is it different for you?"
"Because you deserve better!" Raph shouted. Donnie looked like he'd been hit. It took him a moment to recover, and when he did he looked absolutely furious.
"I do not deserve better than having you as a brother," Donnie snapped.
"You're such an idiot," Raph glared at his brother, though Donnie, for once, met his glare with equal ferocity. "You could have left. This whole time you could have been out in the world helping people, learning, doing whatever you want, but you didn't. Why? Because of some stupid loyalty to your stupid brother?"
"Raph," Leo stepped towards them, but they both ignored him.
"I wasn't going to leave you!" Donnie shouted. The air rustled around them. Raph unconsciously took a step back. Donnie looked angrier than Raph had ever seen him. "I get that your mad that I kept my access to my powers a secret from you, and you have every right to be mad, but don't expect me to apologize for not leaving, because I won't. I'm not going to apologize for caring about you!"
This was too much for Raph to handle. He didn't know what to do, or what to think, and he didn't want to be anywhere near his brother right now. He just wanted to get away. Raph turned towards the ocean. It always seemed to know how he was feeling and what he needed. It didn't always help or like him. Sure, recently he'd been on the ocean's bad side, but the ocean changed its mind on a whim. There was no harm in giving it a try.
"Please, just this once," Raph muttered in a type of prayer. He stepped to the edge of the boat and, after taking a deep breath, he dove into the water. The ocean seemed to come up to meet him. Raph barely had to give it a thought or effort before he could feel the ocean moving him through the waves. It felt like he had become one with the water. It was a feeling that Raph had really missed, but he couldn't focus on it at the moment. He couldn't think about the ocean and his brother at once. He could only handle one difficult relationship at a time.
Raph didn't know where the ocean was taking him, and he didn't care. He just wanted a chance to get away, and the ocean was giving him the chance to get just that. He didn't know how long he was in the water, he just lost himself in the waves. He was only forced to come back to himself when the ocean sharply, but not all that harshly, washed him up on the shore of an island.
For a terrifying moment Raph was scared that he had been sent back to his limbo island prison, but one look around the beach had him relax. It definitely wasn't the all-too-familiar island. This was somewhere new where he had the chance to catch his breath, and Raph really appreciated it.
Raph grabbed his sai from his side and glared at it for a moment. He felt all of the anger at Slash, at his brother, just at this situation in general manifest itself into anger aimed solely at the weapon in his hand. Raph shouted in anger and tossed the sai onto the sandy beach. He knew he would want it again soon, but at the moment he didn't want to even look at his weapon. It just felt like a symbol of his failure.
Raph sat down on the ground and pulled his legs close to his chest. He buried his legs onto his knees and clutched his hair desperately. He may have been able to get away from Donnie for a moment, but he couldn't escape his own feelings of not being good enough. If anything, being on his own made those feelings even stronger.
Raph was vaguely aware of the tide rising up higher than it naturally should. The water was licking at his feet. Raph remembered during his first days as a demigod, long before they'd been banished, the ocean used to do this kind of thing all the time. It was its way of reassuring him, telling him that he wasn't alone.
Raph knew that he wasn't alone, but that was part of the problem. He didn't want to be alone, but sometimes he wondered if it would be better for him and everyone else if he was.
Raph felt the breeze pick up around him and he stiffened. The ocean may have been able to get him to this island in a hurry, but the wind could get Donnie where he needed to go just as quickly. He wasn't ready to talk to his brother.
"Just go away," Raph muttered as he closed in more on himself. The water at his feet went away, and Raph didn't know whether to feel relieved or betrayed that the ocean had apparently listened to him. Before he could sort out how he felt Raph heard what sounded like the roaring of a wave. The air cooled around him and even though Raph was burying his head he was sure that everything had darkened a little bit.
Curious, Raph lifted his head and was taken aback when he saw a wall of water in front of him that looked almost like a waterfall that was going up. Through the water Raph could see the sail boot just a few feet away. Donnie was there looking at the water barrier in a look that was half awe and half annoyance.
"Raph, come on, let the wall down." Donnie shouted, but Raph could barely hear him over the water.
"Back off, Donnie," Raph shouted back, and the water seemed to get louder to reflect his desire to get some space.
Raph heard talking on the other side of the water, but he couldn't make out what was being said. He returned his head to its place against his knees. He knew that Donnie would get around the ocean eventually, but he didn't want to think about that right now. He just wanted everything to go away.
There was a slight pause in the roaring of the water, immediately followed by a splashing sound and footsteps. Raph stiffened. Why couldn't Donnie take a hint?
"Raph," He was taken aback at the voice he heard. That definitely wasn't his brother. Raph glanced up to see Leo looking down at him.
"What do you want?" Raph asked cautiously. He wouldn't put it past Donnie to send Leo in to do his dirty work for him.
"To talk," Leo knelt on the ground. He grabbed the sai that Raph had tossed aside and then pulled out the other sai. Leo took the pair and placed them in front of Raph, just in case he wanted them. "Or to listen, depending on what you want.
Raph wasn't in the mood for talking or listening to anything, which was why he didn't want to be with his brother right now. However, looking at the state that Leo was in, the way that he was obviously favoring his arm, Raph knew that he couldn't just push him away. "Slash did a number on you, didn't he?" Raph gestured for Leo to give him his arm. Leo didn't hesitate for a second before putting himself just in front of Raph.
"I think he did a worse number on you," Leo said. Raph scowled as he took Leo's arm in his hands. He got a firm grip and, without giving a word of warning, he relocated the hurt shoulder. Leo let out a short cry of pain, and Raph knew just how much it had hurt as he'd dislocated his shoulders a couple of times. Still, a moment of pain was worlds better than letting the shoulder remain injured.
"Is that better?" Raph asked. He was fairly confident that he'd done a good job, but the best way to tell if an injury was getting better was to either ask a professional, which he wasn't, or ask the injured one directly.
Leo flinched and rolled his shoulder slightly. "...Actually, yeah, thanks." Raph nodded and the two of them settled into a comfortable silence for a few minutes. It was nice, but Raph knew that it couldn't last, so he decided to take the plunge himself.
"What are you doing here?" Raph asked. Leo had made it clear that he didn't really like him, and that was just fine. If Leo had just changed his mind because he felt sorry for him, then Raph wouldn't hesitate to kick him back over to the other side of the water wall.
"I wanted to make sure you were okay," Leo said. "I heard everything that Slash said to you. It was cruel."
"That's just how he is," Raph said. He was just so tired of everything.
"But he's the reason why you were questioning your brother back there," Leo said. It wasn't a question. Leo had heard everything. Raph hated being such an open book to someone he barely knew. "I'm sure you already know this, but Slash is wrong, about everything."
Raph wanted to agree with him. He wanted to say that Slash knew nothing about him, but the mutant's words were ringing in his head. "I just don't get it," He said weakly. "Why would Donnie insist on staying with me when he knew that he'd be better off if he left?"
"Because your brothers," Leo said simply.
"Blood doesn't mean anything." Raph scoffed. It was something that Slash had told him a long time ago, and Raph actually agreed with him, because after what he'd been through, it was a little hard to argue against. "If it did, our parents…" Raph shut his mouth as he remembered just who he was talking to. This wasn't his brother, or an old friend, it was someone who was basically a stranger. A mortal at that.
Leo gave him a sad, but not quite pitying, look. "What did your parents do?"
Raph glared at his sais, just because they were there. He was reluctant to say anything, but what did he have to lose at this point? "They threw us away." He said quietly. It was the first time he had spoken about this with someone that wasn't Slash or Donnie. Slash had never hesitated to use this information against him to try to break him down, but Raph doubted he'd ever let Leo do that with him. He'd been close to Slash, he'd cared about what he said. Raph didn't care about Leo's opinion, which was exactly why he thought he could talk about this with him.
"We didn't do anything wrong," Raph said stiffly. "But they took one look at us, saw that we didn't…" Raph swallowed thickly. He reminded himself of what Leo and Mikey had told them earlier, about having a good friend who was like them. If anyone wouldn't judge them, it was these mortals. "...That we didn't have those stupid tattoos."
He could hear Leo's breath catch slightly. "Just because of that?"
Raph lifted his glare towards Leo. "You guys are the ones that said that those things are important to a lot of people. There's no just about it."
"No, I know, but still," Leo frowned. "I can't imagine being so mean just because something that is really important to me isn't as important to someone else,"
Raph gave Leo an unamused look. "In all the time I've known you, the only thing you've really said to me is that I need to help you return your precious Heart of Miwa to her, just because it's what you want." Raph smirked slightly as Leo seemed to shrink under his look. "You don't really care about what I want."
"Alright, fair point," Leo conceded. "But I think I am actually starting to care about what you want, at least a little bit." Raph was shocked by that. He didn't blame Leo for being passionate about wanting to save the world, he just didn't like how he was pulling him into it. Raph honestly hadn't expected Leo to back off.
"What do you think I want then?" Raph asked, because Leo couldn't really care unless he knew and understood what he wanted and needed from life.
"From what I can tell, respect," Leo said. "From the mortals who have no idea all you've done for them. From the gods who abandoned you. From your brother, who you doubt actually sees you as an equal, but as either a burden or someone who has to be taken care of" Raph flinched and scowled slightly. Leo hadn't just heard everything that Slash had said, he was observant too.
"So many people just think that you and your brother are nuisances or even villains," Leo continued. He was completely ruthless. "They think you've doomed the world." Raph could easily see where Leo was going with this. "You know how I think you can prove everyone wrong?"
"Let me guess," Raph scowled. "By returning the Heart of Miwa,"
"Nobody would be able to deny what you've done for both the mortals and the gods," Leo said passionately. "Everybody makes mistakes, but not everybody is willing or able to make things right. You have the power, and I know you guys have the will,"
Raph knew that Leo was probably right. In the past they'd been heralded as heroes by the heroes and the gods. If they returned the Heart of Miwa, the same would probably be true again. It was a tempting offer, but still way too dangerous to take it lightly.
Raph didn't say anything, but Leo didn't seem to have expected him to. "Just think about it," Leo got to his feet. "Take however much time you need. I'll talk to Donnie," And that was all Raph could ask from him. He watched numbly as the water wall opened up for Leo to walk through before closing again, leaving Raph alone again.
It was times like this that Raph felt overwhelmed by the presence of all other creatures. He sometimes just wanted everything and everybody to go away and stop demanding things from him. Raph was well aware that he'd messed up, he wasn't going to deny that, but he'd been screwed over more than a couple of times. He'd been really hurt, and yet everybody was demanding that he do better.
Raph wasn't the only one at fault here. He wasn't the only one with issues. Why should he have to be the one to fix everything and make it all right? For once, why couldn't that just be someone else's responsibility?