Their first prank had to be big. It had to be inspired. Above all, it had to be Marauder-worthy.
"Right," Sirius said, lowering his voice as he walked past Professor Sprout, the Herbology teacher, who was shepherding some first years. "I think the prank should focus on the Slytherins."
"We should focus it on the whole school," Remus said.
"What do you have against going after the Slytherins?" Sirius said. "Snivellus hasn't done you any favors-"
"I know, but this is the first prank, it should be for the whole school to make a good start."
"Remus has a point," James nodded. "I'm in for the whole school."
"Or we could prank Dumbledore," Peter said.
"Dumbles? That's a good idea," Sirius said.
Remus sighed. "Are you still going on with that nickname?"
"Yes, I am. Why wouldn't I?"
"Because this is the headmaster we're talking about."
"All the more reason for him to have a nickname."
"You can't be serious-"
"I'm always Sirius."
"Yes, we've noticed," James grinned. "And we need to figure out what sort of prank we're talking about. Any ideas?"
"We could use those dungbombs," Peter suggested.
"Start a game of Quidditch in the Great Hall," Sirius said.
"The players would start on fire because of all the candles in there," Remus pointed out.
"Quidditch in the corridors."
"Minnie wouldn't like that."
"Minnie loves Quidditch- oi!"
Something short and blond had run into Sirius. The something fell back, revealing itself to be a nervous looking first year boy, who scrambled to his feet, almost tripping over his robes as he did so.
"S-Sorry," he stammered. "I was looking for the Great Hall, I didn't mean to-"
"Hey, you're fine," Sirius said. "Don't worry about it. And, also, the Great Hall is that way." He pointed back in the direction the boy had come from.
"Oh." The first year seemed to look even smaller. "I didn't realize that."
"It's alright, Hogwarts is pretty big," Sirius shrugged. "If you want to get to Hall from here, it'll be down a corridor, then you turn to the…. Which way was it?" he asked, turning to the other boys.
"Left," Remus supplied.
"Alright, you turn left, then you're down the corridor to the right, then follow that corridor for a bit, then you'll reach a huge staircase; head down that. The Great Hall is right at the bottom," Sirius said. "Got it?"
The first year nodded, gave a quick "Thanks!" and went on his way.
"Back to the prank ideas," Sirius said. "I don't think there's anything wrong with Quidditch in the corridors-"
"Yes, there is, but the idea of doing something in the corridors is good-"
"Like Quidditch-"
"Not Quidditch."
"Fine, but for the record, it was a brilliant idea."
"Hey, I know what we should do!" James said excitedly. "So over the summer, we went to this all-muggle town. There wasn't any Wizarding stuff anywhere, and my mum didn't let us bring much more than our wands and some spellbook my dad said he needed. Anyway, we went to this muggle library for a day. You'd think all the books would be boring, but there were actually some really good ones-"
"Remus, you've corrupted him!" Sirius moaned. "Look what you've done! He was enjoying a library!"
"Let me finish, mate. Alright, so there was the nonfiction section of the library, and I was looking at stuff in there, and there's that river in South America- you know, the Amazon- and I think that we should turn the corridors on the first floor into the Amazon River."
"That's just flooding the school," Peter said slowly. "Peeves already did that."
"Not just flooding it, but putting fish and stuff into it," James explained. "There are trees that grow in it, caiman, anacondas, piranhas-"
"What?" Sirius asked.
"You know- the small crocodile-like things, the huge snakes, and the fish with the really sharp teeth-"
"Oh, those things. Now I'm in."
"We could do that," Remus said with a nod. "But no caiman, anacondas, or piranhas."
"What? That's the whole point of the Amazon!"
"No, it's really not-"
"It is," James said. "That's what makes it exciting."
The Marauders continued to plan the prank during dinner. After dinner, however, they worked on the homework they had been given for the day.
"It's the first day!" Sirius complained.
"It's school," Remus said knowingly. "The point of it is to teach you and give you homework."
"Well, yeah," James said, "But they don't have to give homework on the first day. We could be doing something that's actually productive!"
"Like attempting to smuggle piranhas into Hogwarts?"
"Exactly!" James paused, quill hovering above his parchment. "What was that thing Moody shouted at us? 'Constant validity?'"
"'Constant vigilance,'" Sirius said. "You'd better not use that in your essay, though, that's my plan."
"Too late. 'Like the other two Unforgivable Curses, the only way to avoid the Killing Curse is with constant vigilance, as there is no way to shield yourself from the spell once it is cast,'" James read.
"Oi, I was going to do that!"
The next morning, the Marauders were deep in a conversation about the essay that they (James and Sirius respectively) would have to finish in History of Magic when there a small, timid call of "Excuse me?" from behind them.
The boys turned to find a trio of first year Ravenclaws.
"Do you know which way to Charms class?" the one in the center inquired promptly.
"Yeah. Up a flight of stairs and to the right," James said.
"Er… which flight?" the one to the left asked.
"That one." Peter pointed down the corridor.
"Thanks!"
The Ravenclaws hurried off in the direction he had pointed, disappearing from sight.
"You know," Sirius said, glancing in the direction they had gone, "That's the second time we've been asked for directions in the past two days."
The other three nodded.
"Someone should make a map," Sirius finished.
"Of Hogwarts?" Remus looked doubtful. "The staircases are always changing, and there are places here- like the Room of Requirement- that are unplottable. And you'd have to do a lot of measuring. Hogwarts is huge."
"But there'd be a spell or enchantment that could show the staircases moving, I bet," James said.
"Probably."
"So it's possible," Sirius nodded.
"Hypothetically, yeah-"
"Remus, that's brilliant! We should make the map of Hogwarts! Let's put that on our to-do list."
"If you want to do the measuring-"
"Yes!" James grinned. "And then if we-"
They had made it to the Transfiguration classroom.
McGonagall gave them a look. "If you four would refrain from plotting anything in my class, the would be preferred," she said.
"Minnie, it's only hypothetical!" Sirius protested.
"And we were only plotting to make a map of Hogwarts!" James added. "That's helpful!"
"A map would be very helpful," McGonagall agreed, "But I'm afraid that your cartography will have to wait until after class."
Transfiguration was uneventful, followed by History of Magic, which James and Sirius used to finish their essays, then began planning the prank with Remus and Peter.
"So we're flooding the level with the Great Hall, right?" Peter checked.
"Yeah," Sirius nodded.
"We need to figure out how to make sure it doesn't flood the dungeons, though," Remus said. "It would drown the Hufflepuffs and Slytherins, and if the stuff from Potions mixed with the water, that wouldn't end well."
"I don't think that downing the Slytherins would be a real loss," Sirius said. After a look from Remus, he added, "But that might make Minnie upset for some reason, so let's not do that."
"I think that most things we do make Minnie upset," James said.
"No, she liked the time when-"
"No, she didn't," said Remus.
"You don't even know which time I was talking about."
"I don't need to know which time; the day McGonagall likes our pranking will be the day James convinces Lily to go out with him."
"Hey!" James gave Remus a look of utter betrayal.
"So then Evans will choose to go out with him pretty soon," Sirius said.
"Thank you!" James said.
"Of course," Sirius said.
"Fine, the day McGonagall likes our pranking will be the day that you two become best mates with the Slytherins," Remus said.
"Don't have such little faith!"
"You want to be best mates with Snape?"
"No, that would be mad. I mean that you shouldn't have such little faith in McGonagall's taste of pranking."
"Speaking of pranking, weren't we saying that we aren't going to drown the Hufflepuffs?" James interrupted.
"Yeah," Sirius nodded. "But the Slytherins are fair game."
"So if we flood the corridors around the Great Hall, but put barricades up so that the water can't leak into the basement, that should solve the problem of flooding the basement on accident," Remus said.
"What if it's not an accident?"
"If it does flood, it had better be."
"Alright, so if that's the water, we need to get the anacondas, caiman, and-"
"We are not using anacondas, caiman, or piranhas."
"Oh, come on, Moony, you're no fun."
The prank was ready to be carried out three days later. None of Hogwarts was really expecting it, so when the first few students began to trickle towards the Great Hall, they were surprised, to say the least, at the sight that awaited them.
The corridors on the main floor were flooded with water. Trees grew through the stones at the bottom of the "river" and towered high about the befuddled students. Long, wooden canoes were tethered by the edge of the water. And in the water….
"I thought we said no piranhas!" Remus said incredulously. "I can't believe that you- well, no, I can- but that's more irresponsible than anything you've attempted before!"
"We're adding a realistic feel to it," Sirius said honestly. "And we didn't add any anacondas or caiman. But we do have monkeys in the trees, and there's a jaguar somewhere around here-"
"A jaguar?" Remus yelped. "Why did you unleash a jaguar on the school? That's mad!"
"It's not like we didn't feed him," James said.
Remus muttered something under his breath.
"Don't have such little faith in us," Sirius said. "We de-toothed the piranhas and the jaguar is house trained!"
"De-toothed piranhas…." Remus looked him dead in the eye. "If anyone is hurt or killed by your rogue fish, monkeys, or jaguar, it's completely your fault."
The Marauders hopped into one of the canoes and began to row toward the Great Hall at the opposite end of the corridor.
The hall was also flooded. Each of the house tables was on top of a wooden raft. The rafts were tied to various trees that were scattered around the room. Monkeys could be heard from far above, chattering loudly.
The Marauders paddled to the Gryffindor table, tied their canoe to a nearby tree, and sat down for breakfast.
At the staff table, which was also afloat on a raft, Dumbledore was merrily talking to a disgruntled McGonagall, who gave a look toward the boys.
Sirius winked at her.
McGonagall sighed, then went back to talking with Dumbledore.
"Minnie and Dumbles are definitely talking about how much they liked the piranhas," Sirius nodded.
"No, definitely not," James said. "They're talking about the jaguar."
"Or about the canoes," Peter piped up. "I saw Dumbledore ferrying her, Flitwick, Sprout, and Slughorn across the corridor when we came down."
"How'd they fit that many people in one canoe?" Sirius asked, surprised.
"It was one of the charms we used, remember? Expansion and floating charms," Remus said.
"Oh, right."
The first part of the day passed smoothly. At least, as smoothly as it could go when the main floor had been turned into a replica of the Amazon River. Only at the end of lunch did the Marauders hear anything other than grumbles about not having enough canoes or being unable to get to class.
"You four are behind this."
"Is that a bad thing?"
The boys surveyed Lily; James and Sirius with amusement; Remus with hesitation; and Peter with evident nervousness.
"A first year was running through the corridors shouting something about a jaguar," Lily said.
"Good for them," Sirius said sincerely.
Lily glowered at him. "That first year was scared out of her mind. Please, Black, do explain to me why that's good."
"It's the sighting of a lifetime," Sirius said. "How many people can claim to have seen a jaguar?"
"Did the jaguar hurt anyone?" Remus asked before Lily could reply.
"Not that I know of," Lily said. "The teachers are tracking it down right now."
Sirius cursed."He was our most realistic element besides the piranhas-"
"Piranhas?" Lily interrupted.
"-and the monkeys. Come on, Evans."
"It's not my fault, and anyway it won't have happened if you hadn't put dangerous animals in a school. Who puts a jaguar in a school besides a madman?"
"The Marauders," James said matter-of-factly.
"You and Sirius, I told you not to do it," Remus said exasperatedly.
"I wasn't involved," Peter said quickly.
"Thanks for throwing us under the Knight Bus, mates," Sirius said with a glare.
"Of course, anytime," Remus said pleasantly.
"Coming, Lily?" someone shouted.
Lily turned to glance at the edge of the raft, where Hestia Jones, Marlene Mickinnion, and Alice Fortescue were waiting in a canoe. "I just came to tell you two to have some common sense," she said, "and that this had better be the worst you do."
"Well, Evans," James said, "It'll get a whole lot better."
Lily muttered something under her breath and hopped into the canoe.
"I really hope they don't find Leslie," James said.
"Leslie?" Peter said.
"That's the name of the jaguar," Sirius said.
"The jaguar is named Leslie."
"Yes."
"Okay…."
"Did you name the monkeys?" Remus asked.
"Of course. There's Stewart, Abby, Kevin, Jake, Simbabwe, Bennith, and Lucy Elaine," Sirius said. "You can't forget Lucy Elaine."
"Where'd you even get the jaguar and monkeys?"
"Leslie, Stewart, Abby, Kevin, Jake, Simbabwe, Bennith, and Lucy Elaine," James corrected.
"And the piranhas?"
"We transfigured them," Sirius said. "But I'm partial to Leslie and Lucy Elaine, and James likes Bennith."
"Do the piranhas have names?" Peter asked.
"Peter, all our animals have names. There's Levonquious, Elvendork, Bathilea, Penelope, Utgaurd, Joe, Falafel, Reynold, Wyoming-"
"Wyoming?"
"Yeah, then there's Steve, Anthony, Scott, Sussex, Jenny, Mathine…."
That night, dinner was quiet. People were continuously glancing in the Marauders' direction.
Everyone second year and up had a very good idea who had turned the school into the Amazon.
A number of the first years had been warned by now; Most pranks at Hogwarts were 'courtesy of the Marauders.' Particularly the, depending on who you asked, dangerous or exciting ones.
"Just do it already," James said after a good ten minutes of stares. "They know it was us, and it's our first one, they know we'll claim it."
Sirius nodded, slipped his wand from his pocket, and inconspicuously as he could (though it served no purpose at this point) sent the Marauders' message into the air.
Today was brought to you courtesy of the Marauders.
No one was surprised.
"That'll be a week's detention, Marauders," McGonagall called from the staff table.
"Sure thing, Minnie!" Sirius said cheerfully. "What time?"
"Tomorrow at six. I dare say you four know the drill."