As well as their detention the next night, McGonagall caught the Marauders on their way out of the hall after dinner had ended.
"Come back here, Mr. Potter, Mr. Black, Mr. Lupin, Mr. Pettigrew," she said briskly.
"Don't worry, Minnie, we'll clean it up!" Sirius assured her.
"Then you'd best get started," McGonagall said.
The cleanup took two hours, ending once the piranhas, Leslie the jaguar, and the monkeys had been untransfigured.
"Alright," James said. "Let's go."
"Yeah, we should get back up to the dorm," Sirius nodded. He shifted the box he was holding.
"What makes you two want to get back so quickly?" Remus asked suspiciously. "Normally you'd use this as an excuse to go to the kitchens for biscuits."
"Well, it's late and past curfew-"
"You don't care about curfew."
"Okay, no, but we still have to get back to the dorm."
James nodded. "The dorm sounds fine, but I think that we should take Remus up on going to the kitchens-"
"I was not suggesting that we do that, I was just saying that Sirius passing up an opportunity to go to the kitchens is not normal," Remus said.
James opened his mouth to reply. "But-"
"To the dormitory," Sirius interrupted, then began to head down the corridor.
They were halfway to Gryffindor Tower when they ran into Moody. Literally, in James' case.
"Sorry, Professor," James said quickly.
"You should watch where you're going," Moody said shortly. "If you run into a teacher now, you'll be sure to run into someone you'd rather not later."
James nodded.
"He probably needs new glasses," said Sirius. "He's blind with or without them."
"Hey!" said James. "I'm not blind!"
"Are you sure? You seemed blind when McKinnon stole your glasses last year."
Moody turned his attention to Sirius, then the box he was holding.
Sirius readjusted his grip on the box as Moody's electric blue eye swerved to look intently at it.
"Special cargo?" Moody asked conversationally.
"No, just a box," Sirius said.
Remus glanced at Sirius suspiciously. "Did you take something from-"
Sirius shook his head quickly. "No, why would I do that?"
Remus didn't seem convinced.
"Well, Professor, we should be going," Sirius said. "Wouldn't be good to be caught out during curfew."
"Yeah," James said. "Minnie wouldn't be happy."
"Professor McGonagall probably has enough detentions with you four," Moody said. "If she catches you after curfew, tell her I'll take care of you."
The boys nodded.
"Get to your dormitories, then. And try not to run into anyone else, eh, Potter? Constant vigilance!"
"Alright," James said, grinning slightly.
The boys were outside the portrait to Gryffindor Tower when the box Sirius was holding gave a jolt.
"Doxycide," Sirius said quickly.
The portrait swung inward.
Clambering through the doorway as fast as he could, Sirius disappeared into the Common Room.
"That's definitely not normal," Peter said.
"He's hiding something," Remus decided.
James didn't say anything, proceeding to follow Sirius.
"And James is probably in on it," Peter said.
Remus nodded. "Probably."
With that, they followed James into the Common Room.
In the dormitory, Sirius was still holding the box, which gave an odd chattering noise.
"Come on, James, it doesn't have to be anything special, just an old homework assignment or something," Sirius said.
James, who was rummaging under his bed gave a muffled reply of, "I'm trying, but my Quidditch gear is in the way!"
"Then we can use the Quidditch gear!"
"No, you can't use my Quidditch gear-"
"Use your Quidditch gear for what?" Peter asked. He and Remus were standing in the doorway of the dorm.
"Well…"
The box Sirius was holding emitted another chattering noise.
"What did you do this time?" Remus sighed.
"I only adopted Lucy Elaine!" Sirius said defensively. "It's not a big deal."
Remus and Peter stared at him.
"You adopted Lucy Elaine," Peter said slowly. "The monkey that we used in the prank."
"Yeah."
"Why-?"
"Okay, I've got it!" James called.
"Got what?" Remus said.
"Last year's Charms essay on Cheering Charms, we can tranfigure it into a bed or something for her," James said, crawling out from under his bed and holding up a tattered piece of parchment.
"Transfigure it and I'll let her out- and someone close the door," Sirius added.
James pulled his wand from his pocket and attempted to transfigure the essay.
Sirius gave James's work a scrutinizing look. "I think it needs some color," he decided after a moment.
Lucy Elaine gave a chatter from inside the box.
"Lucy Elaine agrees. I think it should be pink."
James complied, then held up the bed. "Happy?"
"Yeah, brilliant. Alright, Lucy, I'll let you out now."
Sirius lifted the lid of the box, and out scampered Lucy Elaine.
"She's a tamarin?" Remus asked curiously.
"Is that the kind of monkey she is?" James said.
"I think so," Remus said.
"She's not a tamarin, she's a Lucy Elaine," Sirius corrected, then addressed the monkey. "Lucy, this is your new home. There's Peter, Remus, and James, but you can call them Sugar Inhaler, Chocoholic Nerd, and Spectacled Chaser. I'm the Almighty Sirius Black, but you can call me Sirius Black the Wise and Almighty King of the Dormitory, If you really want to."
"You're not the king of the dorm!" James protested.
"And I'm not a sugar inhaler," Peter said.
"And you're far from wise," Remus added.
"What do you mean? I never do anything stupid, so that makes me wise!" Sirius said.
"Not really-"
"Chocoholic Nerd, as the Wise and Almighty King of the Dormitory, I hereby sentence you to a week without library privileges!"
"Because I'll definitely listen," Remus said dryly.
"Exactly."
"You're not the king of the dorm!" James said again.
"Careful, Spectacled Chaser, Or I'll demote you from the rank of Second in Command. Well, Third in Command."
"Who's Second in Command?"
"Lucy Elaine."
"Sod Lucy Elaine, I'm your best friend! I should be Second in Command!"
Sirius pretended to look aghast. "Sod Lucy Elaine? Sod Lucy Elaine? James Fleamont Potter, you've been demoted to the rank of peasant."
"What?"
"You heard me, peasant."
"I'm not a peasant."
"Of course you are, I just demoted you. Now bow, then apologize to Lucy Elaine."
"I'm not bowing," James said stubbornly. "And I don't think Lucy really cares."
Everyone looked to where Lucy was sitting atop Peter's four poster bed, watching the boys curiously.
"Yes she does, she's just too polite to show it," Sirius said.
"No, she doesn't care."
"Yes, she does."
"No, she doesn't."
"Yes, she does."
"No, she doesn't."
"Yes, she does."
James glared at him for a moment, then grabbed his pillow, and threw it at Sirius.
"How dare you!" Sirius shouted as the pillow hit its mark. "He tried to assassinate me! He's trying to kill me! Remus, Peter, save me!"
Remus and Peter glanced at each other.
"Actually," Remus said, grinning as he picked up a pillow, "I think that overthrowing the present king is in order. Peter?"
Peter nodded, taking his own pillow off his bed.
James grabbed another pillow.
"You betrayers!" Sirius said dramatically. "You vile betrayers! How could you? How could-?"
James cut his sentence short by smacking him with his pillow.
The next morning, the dormitory was still in shambles from the pillow fight.
"Peter, you got feathers all over my robes," James grumbled as he finished getting dressed.
"Sorry," Peter said.
"How'd your pillow end up wedged between the sill and window?" Remus asked, looking at the partially open window.
Sirius shrugged. "I dunno… has anyone seen my Transfiguration book? Minnie threatened to put me in detention if I forgot it again."
"Lucy has it," James said.
"Okay. Lucy, come over here, I need my book."
Lucy Elaine was perched on Remus' trunk, holding the Transfiguration book. She made no move towards Sirius.
"Come on, Lucy, Minnie'll throw me in detention."
The monkey stayed on the trunk.
"Maybe you need to grab it from her," Remus offered.
Sirius made to grab the book, but Lucy danced out of the way, chattering.
"Lucy, give me the book-" Sirius tried to snatch the book from her again, without success.
James watched Sirius' attempts for another minute before saying, "It's not that hard, you've just got to grab it." He took the book from Lucy Elaine without problem, then passed it to a shocked Sirius.
"How'd he do that?" Sirius said, staring at the book.
"Without difficulty," James said, "but that's not the point. The point is, we're already late for breakfast, but then we have to come back up here so we can give something to Lucy Elaine. And then we have to get to class without being late."
They were late to class.
McGonagall gave them a piercing look as they hurried to their seats.
"Morning, Minnie!" Sirius said cheerfully.
"Good morning, Mr. Black," McGonagall said sharply. "I don't suppose you have your book with you? Or an explanation as to why you are late?"
"Actually, Minnie dear, I have both," Sirius said. "My book is in my bag- no, it's in Peter's bag, actually, but I have it, and we were late because Remus' pet rabbit got lost in the sheets, and we couldn't find him."
"Mr. Lupin's pet rabbit?" McGonagall said skeptically.
James and Sirius nodded.
"Mr. Lupin, do you have a pet rabbit?"
Remus hesitated, then nodded. "We got him at the end of summer."
McGonagall still didn't look as though she believed them.
"He's really small," James said. "The rabbit, I mean, and he got out of his cage while Remus was feeding him, and hopped into one of the beds and got tangled in the covers, and we couldn't find him, so we had to strip the bed. Remus keeps extra blankets on his bed, so that took a while. Then-"
"Very well, Mr. Potter," McGonagall said, sounding slightly exasperated. "If you would sit down so I could continue the lesson…."
"Of course, Minnie!" Sirius said. "James, Remus, Peter, take a seat, we'll be talking about- what does that say? An orange into a football?" He squinted at the board. "No, a-"
"I will teach the lesson, Mr. Black," interrupted McGonagall.
"Really? I thought I was doing well. Wasn't I doing alright?"
"You were doing fine-"
"Brilliant-"
"But I will be taking over as I am the teacher, so if you'd sit down, Mr. Black, I'd like to continue."
"Sorry, Minnie."
The rest of the morning lessons passed smoothly. History of Magic was spent plotting a prank for Snape after James had declared, "The git probably thinks that we've forgotten about him." Charms was used for a review of summoning charms, and in Divination the class had started with fire omens. The only trouble came when James went up to the dormitory during lunch to feed Lucy Elaine.
He had run into the Great Hall panting, only stopping when he reached Sirius, Remus, and Peter.
"She's gone," he said. "Lucy Elaine, she's gone. No one closed the door."
"What?" Sirius said.
"Lucy Elaine is missing," James said, grabbing a roll.
"What? Who was the last one out?"
"I think you were," Peter said.
"Are you sure she's not in the dorm?"
"Positive."
"We have to go look for her," Sirius decided.
"We have D. ," Remus pointed out. "We can't miss that."
"But-"
"There can't be that many monkeys at Hogwarts. We'll hear if someone sees her," Remus said.
"What if it's a teacher that finds her? She'll be untransfigured, and then we won't have a Lucy Elaine!"
"You can always retransfig-"
"No, because then we'd have to give the monkey a new name, and it wouldn't be Lucy Elaine."
"I know, but-"
"Can we make a decision?" James interrupted. "I'd prefer to go to D.A.D.A, but we won't get there unless we leave in a few minutes, and I'd like to know how long I have to eat."
"Ten minutes, probably," Remus said. "Moody doesn't like when people are late."
Despite leaving with more than enough time to make it to Defense Against the Dark Arts, the Marauders were, for the second time that day, late.
Moody was waiting patiently in the front of the room when they walked in, Sirius disgruntled, James indifferent, Remus apologetic, and Peter hesitant.
"Took you four long enough," Moody said huskily once the boys had taken their seats.
"Sorry, Professor, we got… held up," Remus said.
That wasn't quite what had happened. Sirius had insisted on checking all the classrooms and corridors on their way to D.A.D.A, making what should have been a five minute walk into a fifteen minute one.
"Yeah, Sirius must've hit his head or something. He kept trying to go the wrong way," James said.
"You should know your turf," Moody said, turning to Sirius. "Know what's where so if something's out of place you notice right away." He looked to the rest of the class before barking his signature, "CONSTANT VIGILANCE!"
The class, despite being used to Moody's volume, winced at the shout.
"Now," Moody said, "today, we'll be talking about just that. Noticing things that shouldn't be there. Such as, for example, Black's pet monkey swinging on the chandelier in the Trophy Room this morning."
Everyone turned to look at Sirius.
"Who says Lu- the monkey, I mean, is mine?" Sirius asked quickly. "Why would I be in possession of a monkey?"
"Because you, Potter, Pettigrew, and Lupin were the orchestrators of the fiasco in the corridors, right?"
"Yeah, but who says the monkey is mine? The monkey could be Remus'!"
"Unless I am mistaken, you, Black, were the one with the monkey last night."
Sirius stared at Moody. "What? How'd you-?"
"You could see through the box," Remus guessed, cutting off Sirius.
"Yep," Moody nodded.
"What charms are on that?" a Ravenclaw asked.
"Bought it off a trader in Greece when I was looking for a replacement- lost the original in a standoff. She told me what she used, should I need to repair it. I won't tell you lot, though, because if you tried it on your own eyes, you'd likely set yourself on fire," Moody said matter-of-factly.
The class was quiet.
After a minute, Sirius said, "Can I go get Lucy Elaine, then?"
"That won't be necessary," Moody said. "The monkey has been taken care of."
"You untrans-"
"Yep." Before Sirius could open his mouth to say anything, Moody added, "Which wouldn't have had to happen if you hadn't attempted to keep a transfigured monkey as a pet. Now, back to the lesson."