Author's Note: Hi friends! I am going to speed right by the fact that I haven't updated this story in 3 1/2 years and just say life has been crazy. I love this story and I appreciate everyone who is still around to read the new chapter. I hope you all like it. Don't forget to review!
"This isn't fair," Jane whispered. "You told me you were just seeing her casually. You told me to fight for you. And now you're introducing her as your girlfriend." Her voice got louder with every sentence. "You stand there telling me about how I'm hurting you without meaning to, while you purposely throw this other woman in my face. How is that fair? How am I supposed to win a fight that isn't fair?"
"Shh, Jane." Maura took both of Jane's hands in hers. "You're right. I'm sorry. I used the word girlfriend solely to make you jealous because I am angry with you. It isn't fair to you or to Alex. But she does know about us, that the feelings I have for you are more than platonic. And we have been using the girlfriend label, but we are still not exclusively seeing each other. She just went on a date with someone else last night. It was cruel of me to bring her here and I'm sorry Jane. I thought it would help to nudge you in one direction or the other, but I did not foresee that it would hurt you and that was not my intention."
Jane bit her lip and pulled her hands from Maura's. A million thoughts and feelings were still in her head and she didn't know what she wanted most, to cry or scream at Maura or kiss her. Finally, she spoke. "I know that I have been making a mess of this for a really long time, but I cannot play games like this. I'm going to get there, to where you want me to be, but as much as I want to, I can't just flip a switch and have everything figured out. But if you want me to fight for us, for you, then you have to fight for us too." She blinked away tears and dabbed at her eyes with a kitchen towel. Maura looked at her, speechless.
"Janie!" Angela Rizzoli called from the dining room. "You two get in here and eat!"
Maura started to say something, but Jane shook her head and pointed to the door. Maura sighed softly and turned to leave the kitchen. Jane trailed Maura back to the table, hoping their faces didn't give away the nature of their conversation. She settled in her seat and broke off a huge bite of bread with her teeth. She felt like everyone was staring.
"Everything okay?" Alex asked Maura.
"Oh, yes," Maura answered. "Jane just asked my opinion on the wine."
Maura shot Jane a warm smile and Jane almost choked on her bread. She swallowed hard and washed it down with a swig of beer. Maura gave her a slight nod. What the hell did that mean?
Maura pulled out her phone and started typing something, which was very unlike her to do at the dinner table in front of everyone. Jane felt her phone buzz in her back pocket. She glanced around to make sure no one was paying attention to her and slid her phone out of her pocket, reading the text under the table.
I wish we were alone.
Jane's face burned hot. She needed this dinner to be over and she needed Maura and this Alex woman far away from her before her feelings burst out of her. She typed a quick reply.
Break up with her.
When Jane looked up from her phone, her mother was staring at her and Alex was glancing between her and Maura. Jane averted her eyes so as not to catch a gaze from either of them and resumed eating her dinner. She ignored the next buzz from her phone. When Maura's fingertips brushed her knee, she turned to ask Nina and Frankie about their honeymoon plans.
Jane had never been more grateful to tell everyone goodnight as she feigned a headache after dinner and said she needed to lie down in her mother's guest room. The lingering hug from her best friend rendered her unable to even look at anyone else, much less Alex. She locked the guest room door behind her, just in case.
Jane sat on the guest bed and opened her text thread with Maura. There were two she hadn't read.
I will.
Tonight.
She let out of a sigh of relief but also felt nervous about what it meant. She waited until she knew for sure everyone had left before coming out of the room to help her mother clean the kitchen.
Jane was unloading the dishwasher when her mother spoke. "I wish you hadn't been so rude and cut your party short, but I understand why you did."
Jane turned, an eyebrow raised. "You do?"
Angela shook her head, clucking her tongue against the roof of her mouth. "I can't believe she would bring that woman here."
Jane laughed nervously. "Why's that, Ma? It's not like she's cheating on anyone." Her mother couldn't possibly know about her and Maura. Could she?
"Still doesn't give her the right to flaunt it around like that," Angela said.
Jane stopped messing with the dishes and turned around. "What do you mean? I thought you liked it when Maura talks to you about her sex life and introduces you to the people she's dating." Jane rolled her eyes, thinking of all the awkward conversations between Maura and her mother that she'd seen her way out of.
"Jane, that was a woman. She brought a woman over here. She's never even mentioned to me she is like that," Angela scoffed.
Jane honestly thought she was joking until she saw the disgust on her mother's face. She took a deep breath. This wasn't going to end well. "Like what, Ma? What are you saying Maura is like?"
Angela lowered her voice. "Gay. You don't really think she has sex with that woman, do you? She knows better than that."
"I... What?" Jane stammered. Was this really happening? Her mother was religious, yes, but she'd never witnessed her being blatantly homophobic. The venom in her voice was filled with contempt, and for someone she considered to be like a daughter. What would she say if she knew the truth about her actual daughter? What if she knew the things Jane and Maura had done together? All her usual fight left her. "I have to get out of here."
"So you're mad at me now?" Angela snapped. "Of course you are. Your friend comes around bringing some little hussy we don't know to dinner and I'm the one you're mad at. You always take everything out on me, Jane."
"Maybe the homophobia just took me a little off guard, Ma." Jane wanted to be angry, but she felt sad more than anything.
"I am not a homophobic." Angela emphasized each syllable as if it were hard to get the word out of her mouth. "I am just shocked that someone I have known for so many years, that I have lived with, that I have treated as my own daughter, would be so deceitful about who she is. Clearly, I don't know Maura at all."
Jane felt like the harsh words were directed at her and they might as well have been. "She's exactly the same person she's always been," she said softly. She quickly collected her things and left without looking back.
R&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&IR&I
Jane woke up in her hotel bed with a real headache. The alarm clock read 3:17 AM, but her phone was buzzing on the bedside table. Maura was calling. At three in the morning. It stopped ringing by the time she picked it up. The screen was filled with notifications; seven missed calls from her mother, three texts and a call from Frankie, and nine texts and five calls from Maura. Before she could read any messages or listen to voicemails, Maura was calling again. Jane sighed and considered putting her phone down and going back to sleep, but this many people trying to contact her in the middle of the night could be a real emergency.
"Rizzoli," she answered groggily.
"It's me," Maura said quickly.
"I know," Jane answered.
"Then why did you answer the phone that way?"
"Why are you calling me in the middle of the night?"
"I've been trying to get ahold of you for hours with no response. I was worried." Maura's voice was shaky.
"I'm fine, Maur. I was sleeping."
"Open the door."
"What?" Jane sat up in bed.
"I'm outside your hotel room. Come open the door for me."
Jane stood quickly and dropped her phone on the bed, practically running to the door. Her thoughts were racing, considering all of the terrible things that could've happened that would bring Maura to her to hotel in the middle of the night, but also a few reasons why it might be very good that she was here. She flung the door open. Maura was in a hoodie and joggers, with her hair in a messy ponytail and her eyes bright with concern. She took Jane's breath away.
Maura dropped the arm holding her phone up to her ear down to her side. "I've been calling and texting for hours." Her tone suggested either relief or defeat.
Jane stepped to the side to let her into the room. Maura wrapped her arms around Jane tightly as if afraid to ever let her go again. "I thought something happened to you."
"I'm sorry," Jane said into her hair. "It's been a night."
Maura pulled away and crossed the room to the bed, where she kicked off her sneakers and sat cross-legged. Jane propped her pillows against the headboard and sat facing Maura.
"I texted you several times," Maura said, her voice shaking. "And when you weren't answering the messages, I called you. And when you didn't answer that, I called your mother. She didn't answer either, so I called Frankie and he said that he couldn't get in touch with you either. He said your mother called him saying you left after a fight with her. I wanted to give you space, so I went home, and I tried to sleep, but I couldn't without hearing back from you. When I called again and you still didn't answer, I panicked and came here."
"This is a little bit irrational of you, Dr. Isles," Jane grinned, resting her hands on Maura's knees.
"I needed to know that you were alright."
"Or you were looking for an excuse to rush into my bed," Jane laughed.
"Jane, I'm being serious. Why wouldn't you respond to me?"
"I'm sorry. I was…" Jane paused to think of the right way to put it. "Overwhelmed. Tonight was a lot. And I wasn't sure if you were actually going to end things with Alex and I think I was afraid to find out either way. Then I got into it with Ma, and I just wanted to go to bed."
"I did. End things with Alex," Maura said firmly. "I told you I was going to."
Jane nodded. "Okay. Good."
"Is it?"
"Yes." Jane felt confident in saying it.
"What did you fight with Angela about?" Maura asked.
"You."
"You told her about us?"
Jane shook her head. "I didn't get a chance to say anything before she started saying things."
"What kind of things, Jane?"
"Things about you that I didn't like."
Maura sighed. "Because I brought Alex or because I brought a woman as my date?"
"The second thing. I really didn't think she'd have such an issue with you being… bisexual."
"Your mother was raised in the Catholic church. And she's of an older generation. They have quite conservative, limited views when it comes to human sexuality," Maura explained.
"I know. It's just." Jane closed her eyes. "You're still you."
"And you're still you," Maura added, seeing where this was coming from. "Do you want me to speak with her?"
"No," Jane said quickly, meeting Maura's eyes again. She paused for a moment. "I don't know. I don't want her to be awful to you."
Maura considered that. "I don't think she will be. She loves me. She simply lacks understanding."
"She thinks you deceived her about who you are."
"I did." Maura swallowed. "In a way. But no one should be required to divulge the nuances of their sexuality before they are ready. Or ever, if they don't want to. I tried to force you to come out, Jane. I expected that because we were exploring those nuances together and I felt ready to express it publicly, that you should also be ready. And I was wrong. I'm sorry."
"It's ok," Jane said quickly. "I do understand wanting to share what we have with the world. I do. I've just been so afraid of how we'd be received and of what it could mean for the future of our relationship."
"For the bravest person I've ever known, you sure have a lot of fears." Maura smiled and placed her hands on top of Jane's, still resting on her knees. "But I understand. I want to do this with you, all in. I want you to be my one and only, Jane. So… it's okay with me if we don't share the nature of our relationship with everyone right now and it's okay if we keep the physical aspect out of the public eye. For now. For as long as you need."
Jane's eyes filled with tears at the words 'one and only'. She allowed them to fall. "You're sure?"
Maura reached up and wiped away Jane's tears with her thumbs. "Yes, Jane. I am in love with you. I want to be with you in whatever way I can be, however it is comfortable for you."
"Why haven't you ever said it before? That you're in love with me." Jane's mind flashed back to months before, when she had said those very words to Maura, without the response she expected.
"You're not the only one of us with fears." Maura shrugged, looking down at her lap.
Jane pulled her hands from Maura's knees and gently lifted her chin with her fingertips. "I love you, Maura. I've been in love with you for as long as I can remember. I'm sorry it took me so long to see it."
"And I'm sorry it took me so long to tell you." Maura smiled, a little sadly.
Jane kissed Maura in a way she hadn't quite kissed her before. She'd kissed her many times with hunger, with desire, with passion. This time she kissed her like Maura was the great love of her life. Because it was true.