Zuko Gets His Xbox Taken Away (And Other Such Tales)

by Wenchicus Thoticus

One-shots from the Fire Nation including Zuko getting his Xbox taken away, Ursa's black market quests, and Ozai choosing a title for himself that isn't "Phoenix King." Crack, AUs. No adult content, rated T for language, drug references, dark humor.

3. The Fucking Fire Lord

"No… no… that's not right," Ozai muttered to himself, crossing out yet another idea on the piece of parchment before him. With the comet arriving, his coronation was only hours away and he still hadn't decided on a new title. He sure couldn't keep going by Fire Lord, he had settled on that much. "Supreme Emperor… Glorious Sovereign… Greatest King Of All Time… Basically A God… These are all me, but…"

He tapped his quill on the page, deep in thought. And then, like an explosion going off in a village of innocent Earth Kingdom civilians, it hit him.

"Perfect."

—

"BuT DaD! It WaS mY iDeA tO BuRn EveRyThInG tO tHe GrOuNd!" Azula whined in the middle of what was about to turn into Ozai's sweet ass coronation ceremony.

Ozai hushed her. "You have a more important duty to attend to," he explained impatiently. "You are to become the new fire lord."

"Oh damn that's lit!" Azula shouted, but she pulled it together upon realizing that this was inappropriate (if not treasonous) behavior. "Uh, I meant to say, but… but what about you?"

"Me? I have an even greater destiny." Bass-boosted gangsta rap began to play from the row of speakers blocking the spectators from getting their filthy peasant hands anywhere near the royal family. Ozai raised his arms up above his head triumphantly as a pair of servants hung a bunch of golden necklaces with dollar sign pendants around his neck.

"Fire Lord Ozai is no more! From this day forward, I shall be known as… Fucking Fire Lord Ozai!" he announced, and the crowd went bonkers.

"Sweet, does that mean that I'm the Fucking Princess?" Azula piped up again.

"No, dumbass. I just told you that you get to be the regular fire lord," he barked. Goddamn kids. Ruining his special moment. But his good mood quickly returned because it was simply such a wonderful day and such a grand Fucking Coronation Ceremony.

"All right," Ozai declared, determination and Fucking Power surging through him. "Now it's time to fight the Fucking Avatar and destroy the Fucking World."

AN: This is the last idea I have for now. I take requests.