AN: I could've played this one seriously, but that's not why we're here.
Iroh was getting real fuckin' tired of running around the globe (or the flat earth, if that's what you believe, you absolute nutjob) in search of a demigod who no one had seen in a century. He was too old for this shit, and he just wanted to enjoy his retirement in peace, but unfortunately, his nephew needed his guidance if he were to avoid self-destructing at every instance of failure.
"Uncle! In here!" Zuko cried, impulsively setting fire to some poor Earth Kingdom peasant's house.
Iroh sighed and followed him into the burning building. They had been terrorizing this village all day in search of the vaguest clue that might possibly lead them to the avatar. "What is it now, Zuko?"
"They were hiding this old scroll!" Zuko waved a crumpled piece of parchment at him. It was blank except for an arrow. "Clearly a reference to airbender tattoos!" he cried maniacally.
"…No, that's just a sign pointing to the event this family was hosting." Iroh took the paper and unfolded it, revealing text that read 'Free My Little Pony Body Pillows This Way.'
"Uncle! We have to track them down and force answers out of them! I won't rest until I've captured the avatar!"
This was what finally depleted the last of Iroh's immense reserves of patience. He needed some goddamn rest, and Zuko's inhuman amount of determination wasn't going to stop him.
He pulled out two chairs from the table, which were on fire, and gestured fruitlessly for Zuko to sit down as well. "I know this may be difficult for you to hear, Prince Zuko," he said, "but our chances of finding the avatar are virtually nonexistent."
"I know he's out there!" Zuko insisted. "We haven't looked hard enough!"
"Zuko. Look at me." Zuko stayed still and listened for about a split second, which was long enough for Iroh to gear up to drop some Truth Bombs. "Your dad doesn't fucking love you. And he never will. Don't take it personally, as he may not even be capable of such a feeling. You cannot please him by completing an impossible task. He sent you on this mission because he wanted to get rid of you."
Zuko started to tear up. Maybe Iroh had been too harsh with him, but the kid had to learn sooner or later before he wasted his whole life chasing airbending Jesus. Meanwhile, the house burned down around them, and they both sat there like the "this is fine" dog from the KC Green comic.
"Oh, and honor is a societal construct that humans invented to promote social cohesion. It's not real, Zuko, so you ought to stop worrying about it," Iroh added. "Your father may not love you… but I do. No matter what."
Zuko wept. Was he sad that Iroh had revealed to him what he had known in his heart to be true all along, or he was happy that someone cared about him unconditionally? Perhaps both.
"Now let's get out of this shitshack," Iroh said warmly. "We'll forget about finding the avatar, and instead we'll find some motherfucking tea."