Quarantine Day: I lost count weeks ago.
Hi Everyone,
It's been a while. I hope all of you are happy, healthy, staying safe and STAYING HOME. I finished this chapter a while ago and vacillated between posting and not posting. I was concerned that a lot of you would be let down because this is probably not the confrontation you were expecting. Then I thought about the way I've always written this version of Olitz, and the way they handle this situation is on par with previous chapters.
Thank you to all of you who take the time to read and leave reviews, the PMs and all of you who write to check on me. I appreciate you all. I'm good, staying home and, eating and gaining the COVID-19. Thanks again for reading.
Enjoy
TBOT
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"That's right Fitz, I went to L.A., and boy did I get an eye full."
Fitz stood looking at the closed bathroom door. That hadn't gone as planned, he thought. Maybe he could've handled the situation differently but he was tired of the cloud hanging over them. They needed to talk so they could move on to the next chapter of their life together, as a family of three.
Fitz walked over to the door and knocked. "Livvie, come on out. Please. We need to talk." He stood waiting for a response. Nothing. Feeling a little frustrated, he stopped himself from turning the knob. He stood at the door until he heard the shower. Knowing she would be a few minutes, and that eventually she would have to come out, Fitz decided to wait downstairs.
They were far from finished discussing the last five years. Hell, they hadn't really started. He walked over to the bar and poured himself a double shot of whiskey. Taking a seat in an armchair in the corner of the family room, he took a long sip and waited.
X
Olivia closed the bathroom door, leaned against it and took several breaths. She knew Fitz was standing on the other side and that he was probably confused about her behavior. Then again, maybe he wasn't. There was a knock on the door, and she nearly jumped out of her skin. She turned and stepped away from the door, staring at it, her heart hammering in her chest. Reaching for the knob, she almost gave in and opened it. She closed her eyes and cursed silently. Giving herself a few moments to get her breathing under control, she moved to the shower and turned it on.
When Olivia emerged from the bathroom, Fitz was gone. She breathed a sigh of relief. On the one hand she was relieved because she really wasn't in the mood to talk about any of this right now. But on the other hand, she was feeling let down because she thought that he would've stuck around, at least to say goodbye.
Olivia walked into her dressing room and put on a silk summer pajama set. She then left her bedroom and headed downstairs to check the locks and set the alarm. She walked into the family room on her way to the kitchen.
"Going somewhere?" Fitz said from a dark corner.
"Fitz!" She jumped, pressing a hand against her chest. "You scared me. I didn't realize you were still here. I thought you had left."
He shook his head. "I'm not going anywhere until we've talked."
Olivia stood staring at him, noticing the look on his face, daring her to say no. He sat with one leg crossed over the other, a drink in his hand. Judging by that look, she knew they were about to have the "talk," and frankly, she was ready for it. Sighing, she knew the moment of reckoning had arrived.
"I need a drink."
He nodded. She turned and walked into the kitchen. Grabbing a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon, she opened it and then reached for a glass from the under cabinet stem rack. Returning to the family room, she found Fitz now seated on the love seat. Olivia took a seat across from him, on the sofa. She poured herself a glass of wine and took a long sip before she turned her attention to the blue eyed man waiting for her to talk. They sat looking at one another, sipping on their drinks.
"You should have told me, Livvie." His words were spoken into the silence.
She took a deep breath and prepared for battle. "Look Fitz, I get that you're angry, but..."
"You think?" he said in a low voice. She met his eyes across from her, refusing to be cowed or ashamed of the decision she'd made. She put up a hand. "You wanted the truth, Fitz. Can you just listen and not interrupt? Please?"
"If that's the way you want it. But Livvie I have some things to say too."
"Okay," she said before letting out a deep breath. "As I said before, I went to L.A."
He looked at her, speechless, not believing what he was hearing.
"I found out I was pregnant almost two months after I'd returned home." She sat back on the sofa and brought her legs beneath her. "I had been having symptoms before I even left, I just didn't know it. Remember that incident at La Placa Caliente? The fatigue, the mood swings?"
She smiled at him and he shook his head. He remembered.
"I'd gained a few pounds, but it wasn't enough to make me believe I was carrying a child. It never occurred to me that I could be pregnant. I had an IUD and I didn't think it could happen. I knew something wasn't quite right when certain foods I used to eat gave me heartburn, so I stopped eating spicy dishes. Then I knew something was wrong when I started throwing up. It was a tremendous shock. I was happy, but I was also afraid. But when I thought about how you were going to react, all of that went away and I couldn't wait to tell you."
Fitz sat in pained silence, willing her to continue. He'd left for Singapore about a week before she'd gone to L.A.
"I went to L.A. two weeks after I found out." I didn't call before I flew out because I wanted to surprise you. I remembered how excited you were when we had that scare."
His eyes grew wide, reminding her of their daughter.
"Yes, I knew you hoped I was pregnant, that I wasn't all right. I couldn't wait to tell you that this time you had gotten your wish."
Fitz took another sip of whiskey but he didn't interrupt her.
"I had it all planned. How excited and how crazy happy you would be when you found out you were going to be a father. But I wasn't sure how you would react to me just showing up, so I asked the driver to wait. I rang the doorbell and waited. Imagine my surprise when the door opened and some half-naked blonde answered the door, wearing a towel. She told me that you were in the shower. I took that to mean that you were busy and that you'd moved on with your life. And it was my fault. I tucked my tail between my legs, went back to LAX and caught the next flight home to D.C. I was shattered," she whispered.
Fitz knew that he was in Singapore by the time Olivia showed up at the house in the Hills, but his brother was there and he never told him about Olivia's visit.
"For two weeks, I walked around in a state of shock, just going through the motions. Finally, my sister got me to talk and the dam broke. I had decided that I wasn't going to tell you about the baby, but Cis showed me the error of my ways," she smiled, remembering that conversation.
"The first time I felt Elliott move, I wished you were there with me. I made the decision to contact you. I called your cell, home and office and got voicemail each time I called. I also sent text messages, but got no response there either. I left messages each time I called. I even called Lauren's direct line only to be placed on hold by someone else or simply told that she was unavailable to take my call."
She leaned over and poured more wine into her glass.
"I was six and a half months pregnant when I finally decided to swallow my pride, and I contacted your brother. The last time we spoke, he'd sent flowers apologizing for what he'd said to me, we talked and all was forgiven. When I called, I told him that I had been trying to reach you. That's when he told me that you were in Singapore and that you had spotty service, but if you called, he would make sure to tell you to contact me."
Fitz's face remained neutral but inside he was filled with rage. He was so angry he could kill his brother with his bare hands.
"When I hadn't heard from you after one month, I called him again. This time I asked for an address in Singapore, because I wanted to send you a care package. He told me he had given your assistant, Lauren, my previous message. He also seemed genuinely perplexed that I hadn't heard from you and promised me that he would personally get the package to you. He just happened to be going to Singapore the following week and would hand deliver it to you."
Fitz quickly did the mental math calculations: his brother had indeed come to Singapore in August. He'd stayed for almost a month and they'd spent some time together, had a few dinners. Ford was quite amiable during that visit as well, which Fitz found odd. He'd also asked many questions regarding his relationship with Olivia. Questions that he knew damn well his brother would never answer. Why had he been acting differently? Fitz shook his head, trying to push back the dark thoughts that were taking shape in his mind.
"I wrote you and told you all about the baby and my symptoms. I even sent pictures of myself in various stages of pregnancy, ultrasound photos, and a recording of the baby's heartbeat. I sent all of it because I thought you would want to know."
Olivia stood abruptly. "I need water, do you want anything?" Fitz shook his head. She turned and walked to the kitchen. She let out a deep breath and had to remind herself that this conversation was long overdue. Walking over to a cabinet, she took down a glass and then grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator before returning to the family room. She sat, poured a glass of water and took a long sip before continuing.
"About a month later when I hadn't heard from you, I called Ford again. He told me that he had recently returned from Singapore and he'd hand delivered the package. According to him, you were very busy but you'd told him that you would contact me. He never offered your number or address in Singapore."
She looked away from him. "I always found that strange."
Olivia took a deep breath and turned back to him. "I was almost nine months pregnant when I finally heard from you."
Fitz was so focused on what she was saying, and still in disbelief, that he asked her to repeat that last part. She did and her eyes bored into his. Fitz didn't seem to notice, he was too focused on what she was saying.
"When you didn't return my calls, text or emails I was hurt. But when I finally received the letter, I was devastated. Inconsolable. My world crumbled around me. The sense of betrayal ran deep; I was numb. My brain couldn't process what you were saying. After that I knew I had to focus on what I had to do for my baby and learn to do it all without you."
She shook her head, and smiled. "But despite all of that, when you showed up, I realized that I'd only buried those feelings and memories, because they never truly went away."
Fitz smiled too, but it looked more like a grimace. He felt as if he was about to blow a gasket and he wanted to speak, but he didn't want to stop Olivia. Not when she was finally opening up to him.
Olivia stood and began to pace in circles.
Fitz had known her long enough to know that when something was wrong or bothering her, Olivia paced in circles. When she was just thinking, she paced back and forth. Something was wrong. He watched and waited.
"All I could think was this couldn't be happening. Not again," she said through the tears that had begun to fall. Instinctively, she wrapped her arms around her body in an attempt to shield herself from the pain she'd buried years ago. "With those words, you erased all of the happiness and joy of our relationship. You made me doubt myself and my ability to judge character. You made me mistrust my gut. I felt unworthy, undeserving. All of the insecurities that I thought I'd kept hidden for so long, about my worth as a woman, surfaced again." She looked away and wiped at the tears that had been falling freely. She turned back to look at Fitz. "You hurt me damn it! Just like Garrett."
Fitz sat in complete silence, stunned beyond words and belief. He thought about everything Olivia had said, most of which confirmed his suspicions. Hearing it had been heartbreaking. She had gone to L.A. to tell him about their child. She hadn't given up on him. On them. The pain and shame he knew she still felt made him want to protect her even more…and beat the hell out of Garrett Davis!
She looked at him and smiled weakly. "But no matter how much I hated you, or how much you hurt me, I never bad mouthed you to our daughter. I didn't want her to hate you."
He knew that was true. His daughter knew who he was and had loved him before she even knew him. That was because of Olivia.
"I eventually accepted that you'd made your choice, and I didn't think about us being together anymore. Plus, I was too busy having a baby to worry about any of it. I didn't care where you were, what you were doing or who you were doing it with. I was finished. I had someone who needed me. I had my baby and she was all that mattered."
Olivia walked back to the sofa and took a seat. She drained the glass of wine and reached for the bottle but it was empty.
"I need more wine."
Fitz raised his brows.
She gave him a casual shrug. "It's what I need right now. Drink to forget. For a while anyway."
He stood. "Why don't I make you some tea?"
Olivia looked into his eyes for a few seconds before nodding. He turned and left the room. After sitting and staring into space she finally stood and went to the powder room.
She stared at herself in the mirror in the bathroom and almost didn't recognize the woman looking back at her. She closed her eyes and sighed, feeling light-headed after unburdening herself. Turning on the water, she splashed cold water onto her face. Grabbing a soft cotton towel from a cabinet, she patted her face dry. Taking a deep breath, she exited the room.
Fitz had brewed coffee for himself and boiled water for her tea when she walked into the kitchen. She also noticed her empty wine and water bottles and glasses on the counter. He'd brought them to the kitchen. Always thoughtful.
Sitting at the table in the breakfast nook, he watched her as she reached into her tea chest and added a few tea leaves and the hot water into the French press. Grabbing a mug and the press, she joined him at the table.
They sat in silence as Olivia waited for her tea to steep.
"I thought that if I dated someone else, it would take my mind off the hurt Garrett had caused. Now I know that the last thing I needed to do was get involved with someone else. Emotionally, I wasn't ready."
Fitz was surprised when she began speaking again. He still hadn't said a word or responded to anything she'd said. But he would. He had a lot to say.
"I had trust issues back then. I don't anymore."
Fitz took a sip from his mug before finally speaking.
"Are you sure about that, Livvie? Because your trust issues are why it's taken us so long to get here. You still couldn't trust me enough to tell me the truth. I knew you hadn't put the past behind you, and that Davis was a huge reason."
"But I have," she insisted.
"No, you haven't. What I don't understand is why. Why does that man still have such a tight hold on you?"
"He doesn't."
"Yes he does, Olivia. It was the driving force behind every decision you made regarding our relationship. All because of what Garrett Davis did to you. Everything. You guarded your heart so I wouldn't break it. But it was already broken when we met. And when our so called "fling" was over, it made it easier for you to walk away and get on with your life…without me."
Fitz was right. She had willfully and intentionally walked away from him; she just thought it would end differently. She still loved him but the fear of him leaving or hurting her, like Garrett had done, had become almost suffocating. She couldn't risk her heart getting hurt again. She knew Fitz was nothing like Garrett Davis, but she just couldn't get her mind to cooperate with her heart.
"Did I ever do anything to betray your trust in me?" he asked.
Olivia remained silent.
"Did I?" he asked again. "You allowed your insecurities to mess up what we could've had and it cost me the first four years of my daughter's life. All you had to do was trust in me. My actions and my words should've at least earned me that much."
Olivia finally spoke. "You need to stop acting as if I have no reason to mistrust you. The fact is you still forgot me and made no effort to contact me, Fitz. Not for five years. If you hadn't seen me on television, you never would have thought about me again. Where were you?"
"Livvie, not a day went by that I didn't think about you. Still doesn't. You and our daughter are the center of every thought I think."
"Yet I didn't hear from you for five years."
"I thought you didn't want me, Olivia!"
She was momentarily stunned. Shaking her head, she refused to let his response affect her in any way.
"A simple phone call, text or email would have told you otherwise, Fitz. You had the means at your disposal to find me if you wanted to. It wouldn't have been hard."
"You broke my heart, Livvie, okay?" He said through clenched teeth. "When you left L.A., I missed you. I missed you but I was also hurt that you threw my affections back in my face."
If he thought these words would soften her, he was dead wrong.
"And what about my heart, Fitz? Do you think it was easy being pregnant without you here?"
She sat back in her chair. "Because I can assure you that my heart and soul were broken too." Not that their heartbreak was mutually exclusive, but she was the one who was pregnant and he wanted nothing to do with her.
"Livvie, if you had believed in what we had and trusted me, we wouldn't be here now, and we wouldn't have lost five years. All you had to do was trust me and talk to me before you got scared and walked away. You knew me. You knew me well enough to know that I was incapable of doing what you're accusing me of."
"Fitz, why are you doing this?" she asked. "I know you're angry with me for not telling you about Elliott, and I understand that. But you have to understand that you're the reason I didn't say anything."
"Oh, so it's my fault you didn't tell me?"
"No, of course not. I just meant that from the message I received, you weren't interested."
"Come on, Olivia, do you honestly think I could ignore my own child? How could you think that I would let you have our child alone and raise it without me? You don't know me at all, do you?"
Olivia was staring at him, trying to make sense of what he was saying. "Fitz, you chose your family and your career over me and our baby. And I still have the letter. The one you sent from Singapore after I wrote you begging you to contact me. And as to your question, no Fitz, I guess I didn't know you at all."
She didn't believe what she'd just said. She knew him, and she knew he loved her. All of this was her fault. She should have had the courage to have gone to him, his family or even his friends after Elliott was born. Many years had been wasted because of her cowardice.
He stood from the table and went to refill his mug before returning and taking a seat, a hard look on his face.
She had to suppress a strange urge to comfort him. But, this wasn't the time to get weak, everything had to come out now or they'd never get past this.
"Come with me." She stood and he followed her to her home office and took a seat in one the leather chairs in front of her desk. He watched her as she walked over to three medium sized framed pictures, their daughter had painted, hanging on the wall, and slid one aside to reveal a wall safe.
He looked away as she entered her code and removed a manila envelope before closing the door on the safe. She walked over to her desk and took a seat behind it. Opening the envelope, she removed the contents and handed them all to him, including the letter he'd written.
As if reading his mind, she said, "I've kept it in my safe just in case you came back some day and decided you wanted custody or for our daughter, when she got older and wanted to know why you weren't in her life."
He glared at her, pissed that after everything she meant to him, she would even think that he could hurt her like this.
"I'm not making any of this up, Fitz," she said warily. "I didn't find out I was pregnant and just make the decision to not tell you."
Fitz picked up the ultrasound pictures and looked at each one. He then looked at the pictures of Olivia taken during the first few months of her pregnancy. His favorite was of her sitting poolside in dark shades, her hair piled on top of her head and wearing a black bandeau swimsuit, her pregnant belly on full display, for all to see. She appeared to be asleep, unaware that the photo was being taken, but in that moment she had never looked more beautiful to him. He studied the photo for a few minutes before picking up the first envelope, which contained a copy of the letter she'd written to him. He read it slowly. Olivia had tried, and failed, to get in touch with him while he was in Asia.
He looked up at her before he picked up the second envelope that contained the letter. It was addressed to Olivia and postmarked a few weeks before their daughter was born. The return address was the Grant Holdings temporary corporate address in Pulau Ujong. Who had Ford asked to mail this package from Singapore?
Fitz looked at Olivia, again, and then back at the envelope. It was his handwriting but he'd never seen it before. He opened it and removed the letter, and began to read. It said exactly what she'd told him. It dismissed her, their brief relationship and their child as though none of them meant anything to him.
Dear Olivia,
I wish things could have been different between us, but they aren't and probably never will be. The time we shared was special to me, but it was also beginning to interfere with my commitments to my family and to my career. Our time apart has allowed me to clearly see that there is no room in my life right now for you or a child.
I hope that one day you will be able to find someone who is perfect for you and your child, and that someday you'll find it in your heart to forgive me for what I've done. I'm moving on, I suggest you do the same. I am so sorry, Olivia. I really did not mean for it to end this way.
There was a lot more, but Fitz stopped reading. He didn't need to read anymore to know in that moment, that his own brother, a man he loved and trusted had betrayed him. But he also couldn't believe that she'd accepted these callous words as his. Surely she knew him better than that.
When he finished, he looked up at Olivia, all of the blood had drained from his face and his heartbeat slowed. The world stopped spinning. It just…stopped, as he looked around, nothing seemed to make any sense to him.
"No…he…no." Shaking his head, Fitz felt his hands tremble and he stood and began to pace in front of the sofa. He was so angry he could kill his brother with his bare hands.
Fitz stared at Olivia, his eyes hard. "I never received anything from you, Olivia."
He was angry as hell right now. He wanted to devastate his brother the same way he'd devastated his life. The same way he'd hurt Olivia. He would make him pay.
"Well I did try to contact you, and you never responded," she said louder than she wanted.
"I didn't respond because I didn't get anything." Fitz said. Now that he knew that his earlier suspicions about his brother were true, he didn't understand why Ford would go to such lengths to keep him away from Olivia and from ever finding out about his child. A child that Ford knew existed. He let out a deep sigh.
"For the sake of argument," Fitz said in a controlled tone. They weren't getting anywhere yelling at each other. "Let's say you did try to contact me, weren't you the least bit concerned when I didn't write or call back? That I didn't come to D.C.?" he asked.
"No. I assumed you were angry with me for walking away from you. I thought you…"
"You thought I didn't want my child?" he asked in disbelief. "What kind of man do you think I am?" His eyes were now blazing with fury. "How could you think what happened between us could've had any bearing on how I felt for my child, my own flesh and blood?"
Olivia looked at him. "I tried to contact you."
"I see that now, but Livvie when you didn't hear from me didn't you think the decent thing would've been to call, text, email or write again? Something that important deserved at least a phone call. What about my friends? If you couldn't reach me, all you had to do was get in touch with them."
"I'd met them, well some of them, only once. I thought they wouldn't want to have anything to do with me. I'd hurt you. I thought they despised me for what I'd done to you. Even Anais. When I didn't hear from you, I assumed the worst. That you had erased me and our child from your life."
Olivia was quiet for a few seconds. "You knew I had my doubts about me, us. You're right. I should have known you better, and as far as I'm concerned, you should have known me just as well. Apparently we really didn't know each other at all."
"We knew enough. You knew the most important thing about me, Livvie. You knew how I felt about you. I didn't want a fling with you for those three months. I wanted more, I wanted forever. I just made the mistake of thinking that you did too, that you would change your mind about us," he said, shaking his head.
She stood and walked around the desk. "No, Fitz, you didn't make a mistake. I did want forever with you. But I was afraid. Remember, I was months out of a long-term relationship and a broken engagement. I was already having doubts about a lot of things. And when you didn't respond to me, I accepted what I thought was your decision not to want me or your child. I went on with my life. But I never once gave up hope that one day you would want to see her. I've never kept Elliott in the dark about you, even when I thought you didn't want her."
Fitz was right. She should have known he would not have turned his back on his child. But then, he should have known she would not have deliberately kept their daughter's existence from him without a good reason. Not that there was a good enough reason for what she did.
When she'd left L.A. the second time, she had to decide if she was going to walk out of Fitz's life for good or confront him about what she'd seen. Her love for him and their child had won out. And she did love him. She loved him more than she'd ever loved any other man in her life. In the end that love was the reason she reached out to his brother in the first place and unfortunately, it set this web of deceit in motion.
She still needed him to understand why she had been so vulnerable.
"He made a fool of me, Fitz. He took away my confidence." She thought back to the time and place where Garrett had broken her. She hadn't allowed herself to dwell on that pain in a very long time. She'd kept it hidden away deep inside until now.
"I gave him all of my love, leaving nothing for myself." Olivia looked at Fitz. "I didn't even know myself. You knew I had insecurities back then." She'd allowed her ex to convince her that she wasn't good enough. It was tough to share her self-doubts with anyone but she felt comfortable sharing them with Fitz.
Fitz pulled her closer and tipped her chin so she would look up at him. His eyes were filled with something that made her feel safe.
"Livvie, for three months I gave you my love, respect, my time, a shoulder to lean and cry on, and my ear to listen. You knew that and still assumed that I could move on to someone else so easily, cutting you and my child out of my life. As if I had no feelings for you. Like I was just a big whore. That's what you thought of me."
"Then why…"
"Then nothing, Olivia. We weren't a real couple anyway. That's the way you wanted it, remember? And after all that time together you think I could just sleep with the next woman to come along. That's an insult to my character."
He stared at her. "Although I would've been well within my rights to do so since you walked away and never looked back."
"What was I supposed to think when another woman answered your door, naked?" she asked.
"You were supposed to give me the benefit of the doubt," he answered.
"Fitz, after what Garrett did to me, you have to understand why," she said, reaching up to touch his face.
He reached for her hand. "No, Olivia, I'm not taking the blame for something I didn't do to you."
"Fitz I was looking out for myself."
He looked at her again, long and hard. "And not telling me that you were pregnant and had my child was what part of the plan of you looking out for yourself?"
She glared at him. "You knew what you were getting into from the beginning."
He nodded. "You're right, I knew. But like a fool, I thought I could wait it out and you would see how much I loved you and what you were missing, and then you would admit your true feelings."
She turned away from him and walked over to the windows in her office.
He watched her and sighed deeply, running his hand through his hair. "From the very beginning all I ever had for you was love, devotion, honor and respect," Fitz said, closing his eyes and releasing a breath of frustration. "You were hurt by a man who lied to you, cheated on you and betrayed you in one of the worst ways possible. That's not the type of man I am. I will never be that man and you should've known that."
He's right, I should have.
"And then you hurt me by keeping my daughter, my baby from me because of what you went through with him. I'm sorry you went through all of that with your ex, but you know that's not me. "
Olivia turned to face him, and blinked away tears. Her first conversation with Anais played in her head. 'It's not fair to Fitz that he has to pay for the sins of your ex.'
"Fitz, I didn't want to go through any of that again," she insisted.
He continued talking. "I just wanted to love you and spend the rest of my life with you, Livvie. You allowed your past to stop us from having something special, having a life together. I knew you weren't ready for what I was offering, but I never gave up hope," he said. "Livvie, there was nothing anyone could've said that would've made me walk away from you and what we had."
"I know, and I'm sorry, Fitz," she whispered, tears falling from her eyes. "I know an apology is worthless now, but I never meant to hurt you. Please believe me, I never meant to hurt you. I missed you so much."
His face softened slightly, and she let herself hope for a moment that she'd gotten through to him.
Those were the words he'd longed to hear. He knew he would do whatever it took to give Olivia the security she needed to believe in them again.
"I believe you. I believe everything, and I understand why you did what you did. But Livvie, I wasn't at the house, I didn't write that letter and I never received any letters or messages from you."
Olivia looked into his face, confused. "Fitz, what are you talking about?"
"This all happened because someone lied to you and denied me almost five years with my daughter, and cost me you." His voice broke on the last word. "I know everything you've told me is true. I'd rather not believe it because it means that we've both been victims of the ultimate betrayal."
She reached out and took his hand and looked up into his sad and piercing blue eyes. "And because I didn't trust you, and compared you to Garrett, I believed those lies," she said softly, realizing what she'd done.
Fitz nodded sadly.
Stunned, Olivia just stood there, unable to believe or comprehend what she had just heard.
X
"Come sit with me," Fitz offered.
Olivia's insides tensed. This didn't sound good.
He took her hand and led her over to the in her office. They sat side by side, and he took her small hand in his larger one.
"I need to tell you some things. Things that are long overdue," he began and a ball of anxiety pitted in her stomach.
"When you left L.A., I didn't know what to do with myself. I was heartbroken without you, and it hurt that you never contacted me."
She looked at him. "Fitz you could've called or come to D.C. It's not as if you didn't know where I was."
"You're right, Livvie. But honestly, I felt that if you didn't want to be with me, then fine. If it was easy for you to turn your back on me and us, then I was better off without you. But I didn't really believe that."
He squeezed her hand and she looked at him. "I wanted to call you but my pride wouldn't let me." He smiled at her. "I'm a Grant, and Grant men don't beg." Not even for doe-eyed beauties like Olivia Pope. "So I just waited for you to call me."
She wanted to respond but she gave him the same respect he'd given her and just listened.
"I missed you and I second guessed myself wondering what I could've done to make you change your mind. I'd convince myself that even though you'd set the terms of our "fling," I would be able to convince you that you belonged with me. And that we would find a way to make it work."
Olivia listened to the sadness in Fitz's voice. She had put it there by not being honest with herself, and with him, five years ago. She had let this man go, at the expense of her own happiness.
"Like you, I had to move on with my life. It wasn't easy and honestly, I wasn't interested in doing a damn thing." He smiled down at her. "I was so happy when construction on The Max was complete. My head and my heart were no longer in it. If it wasn't for Frank and Anais, and Deacon and Joie, I don't know what I would have done in the days and weeks after you left.
Anais. Olivia looked at Fitz and smiled. "Oh really?"
Fitz chuckled. "Yep. Frank and I were working on a project for Affordable Homes L.A., so we spent a lot of time in each other's offices and I spent evenings at the Higgins's dinner table. Anais and Joie just wanted to know what had happened. They just knew it was my fault." Fitz chuckled but Olivia could only nod.
Anais walked out to the half-court in her backyard. Fitz and her sons had just finished playing a few games of 21.
"Even though I'm always happy to see you, you can't sit inside sulking or play basketball with the boys all day," Anais said. "Get back out there, do something, meet someone else. Or…you could call Olivia."
Fitz sat on the ball and looked up at her smiling face. He missed the hell out of Olivia. He missed her and felt hurt that she'd walked away from what they'd shared. He just wanted to get through the grand opening and finish the L.A. housing project and try to get back to some normalcy.
"I'm good, Ana," he lied and smiled that crooked grin. But he couldn't fool her.
"Liar," she said affectionately and with a touch of sadness as she moved closer to him and rubbed his shoulder.
"You're lucky I don't mind putting up with your foul mood."
"What have I done?" he asked incredulously. "Did you have a fight with that knucklehead husband of yours or something?"
"Leave Frank out of this. He's not the one walking around in a funk. Do you have any idea what a pain in the ass you've been since Olivia left?"
"I haven't been taking it out on you. Have I?"
She lifted a brow. "Really? What do you call all of this brooding you've been doing? You barely said three words yesterday while you helped me with dinner. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the help and the company. What I do mind is your attitude. It's so bad that I've called Joie and Angela for reinforcements."
She glared at him and he looked away.
"When are you going to talk to her anyway?"
"I wish I knew," Fitz snapped.
"Is that the reason for this mood? Are you waiting for her realize what she's missing and call or come to see you?"
"I don't know what you're talking about, Ana."
"Fitz, you're hurt and angry. You have been for weeks. You can't keep it locked inside forever. You can talk to me." She hedged, " you might feel better."
"Oh yeah? Says who?" he joked.
"Don't even try it, moody."
He stood and laughed at the name she'd called him.
"I just can't seem to get her out of my head."
"You're still angry with her for walking away? Don't you think you need to call her and talk to her about this?"
"Talk to her about what?"
"About how you feel."
Fitz sighed and rubbed his hand over his sweaty face.
"I love her…No. I don't just love her, Ana, I'm in love with her. And I know she's in love with me. I wanted her to be my wife and become the mother of my children."
"Then call her and tell her that."
"Olivia knows all of this. She's just not ready. She made that pretty clear. So I decided I would give her the space and time that she needs. She'll call when she's ready."
Anais let out a deep breath. "Since when do you quit so easy?"
"I'm not quitting, I'm giving her space."
"Right." Anais nodded. "I wouldn't give her too much space. She needs to hear from you."
Fitz looked away, thinking. Nights in his bed, didn't feel the same now that she was gone. He was used to be single, but this time, things were different. He never knew breaking away from someone could have such a toll on him.
God, he missed her.
Fitz wanted a happy life…with Olivia. He wished it was easy to reach out to her. She didn't need him checking up on her, and might even resent it. There weren't many things he was sure of, but there was one. Things wouldn't get better with Olivia out of the picture and away from him. They'd only get worse. He wished he could've been happy just having a fling, but he couldn't stop wanting more from her.
And that was why he was going away. He was going to Asia and leaving behind the problems in his love life. Lame as it was, it beat the alternative of staying and wanting Olivia when she obviously didn't want him.
"She knows all of this, Ana. She made the choice to return to D.C."
"Well if it's hurting this much, why did you let her go?"
Fitz turned his head to look at Anais' candid stare. They both knew Fitz didn't need to ask Anais what she meant.
"I thought I would be okay," He replied, shifting his gaze toward the house. "But it's not easy ending a relationship with someone you truly love and care about." He sighed. "You can't control what the heart wants."
Often, he had to fight the urge to call her or go to her. It was at those times his pride failed him and he wanted to have her in his life in any way she wanted, but he was too much of a man for that.
As hard as it was to let her go, he was prepared to do just that and take whatever time was needed until his mind, his heart and his soul were free of her. But he knew that would never be. She would always have his heart, and he couldn't do anything to change that.
"That's true." Anais looked away and paused for a moment trying to gather her words. "Fitz, I really liked Olivia, but I love you. For the last three months I watched as you put your heart on the line, only to have it broken. But part of loving someone means you take a risk and open yourself up to getting hurt by them. That's what happened to Olivia."
Fitz looked up at Anais, wondering how much she knew about Olivia's previous relationship and broken engagement.
She continued to speak, ignoring his questioning look. "And now that has happened to you. That's a risk that comes with everything, even love. It's what life's about, Fitz. You get hurt but you learn to survive and move on. Of course in your case, it isn't that easy because you're in love with her. We all witnessed that. Now if she's too blind to see what a nice and caring man you are, and how much you love her, then she doesn't deserve you."
"Well it doesn't look like she's getting me, so it doesn't really matter.
"So you've made up your mind, you're going to Asia."
He shook his head. "Yes. Leaving the country will, hopefully, keep my mind off of Olivia. Working will keep me busy."
Anais looked at him skeptically. "Are you sure?"
"No, but I've got to try something" he responded, giving her that crooked grin.
"When are you planning to leave?"
"Two weeks. Frank and I should be finished with the plans for Affordable Housing L.A and grand opening for The Max is next week. My brother will be here along with other company officers. He's going to stay at the house for a week or two after I leave. It's leased through the end of June."
"Well it looks like you have it all figured out. You know I'm going to miss your handsome behind," she said as she put her arm through his.
Fitz threw his head back in laughter. "Thank you, gorgeous. I'm going to miss you too."
"Are you staying for dinner?" she asked.
"No, not tonight. I have some work to complete." He didn't but he needed time alone to ponder what they had talked about. And time to think about the woman who dominated his thoughts. Alone.
"Okay, maybe tomorrow."
He nodded, knowing she knew him well enough to know that he needed time.
Arm in arm they were laughing and talking as they walked back into the house, where Fitz said his goodbyes and left.
Olivia gave Fitz a stunned glance, and after a minute she spoke. "Fitz, are you saying what I think you're saying?" she asked. "That you were not at that house when I showed up?"
Fitz shook his head. "No Livvie, Ford was staying at the house and was apparently entertaining a blonde woman who answers doors half-naked."
He laughed mirthlessly at his own joke.
"And the 'Mr. Grant,' who was in the shower, was Ford?"
Fitz nodded. "Yes."
She stood from the couch, her mind reeling. "Oh Fitz. I'm sorry. Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. I didn't know. Oh, my God. I'm sorry." She kept repeating as she brought her trembling hands to her face and her eyes began to fill with tears.
"I know, Livvie." He reached out a hand. "Come back and sit. There's a lot more I need to tell you. I need you to listen. Okay?"
Olivia looked at his hand and then at his face and nodded. She took his hand and returned to the sofa and sat next to him.
"I had been in Singapore for almost three months when Ford came to check on the project's progress. It wasn't the first time he'd done something like that, but he stayed longer than usual. We spent time together having lunch, sometimes dinner and drinks. That also wasn't unusual."
Olivia looked straight ahead, trying to keep her mind from wandering.
"Then he started asking questions about you, and our relationship. I knew he was trying to bait me but he also knew that I wasn't going to answer them. Now in hindsight, I think he was trying to determine whether we were still speaking and if he was going to give me the packet that you'd mailed to him. He left without saying anything about your visit, the phone conversations you'd had and without giving me the packet."
Olivia turned to look at Fitz. "But how did you know he knew that I'd gone to L.A. I didn't see him."
"I didn't until I started to think back to your initial reaction when I asked you why you didn't tell me that you were pregnant or about Elliott. You were genuinely shocked and you kept saying that there was no room in my life for you or a child. I could never understand where you got that crazy idea. I knew you hadn't just made it up. Something happened to make you come to that conclusion. At the time, I didn't know what."
He lifted their entwined hands and kissed them before continuing.
"Livvie, I know you. I know that you love me and because of your love for me, there's no way you would've purposely kept that information from me."
She looked up at him with a sad smile.
"Now I know that it was someone I trusted, someone you trusted. It just hurts to admit that that person is my brother."
"But Fitz none of this would've happened if I hadn't believed the worst about you. You'd never given me any reason to think that the words in that letter could possibly be true. I jumped to conclusions and didn't take a moment to remember the man you are. I allowed my insecurities to destroy us, and you missed the first four years of our daughter's life because of them. What I did cannot be undone and I have to live with that for the rest of my life."
"We aren't destroyed, Livvie. Well at least not now. I admit I was angry and hurt when I found out that you'd had my baby and neglected to tell me. I just hate that you believed the words in that letter."
She squeezed his hand. "I'm sorry, Fitz."
"I know, Livvie."
"I've gone through life convincing myself that I didn't have any insecurities but I did. I allowed my ex to convince me that I wasn't good enough. When I read those words, it just brought back those feelings of inadequacy." It was tough sharing her self-doubts with anyone but she now felt comfortable to share them with Fitz. "I'm so sorry that I believed the worst about you. I was pregnant and heartbroken and full of hormones, although that's no excuse."
"Well the fact that you jumped to conclusions and didn't trust in me is definitely a part of why we weren't together, but you had your reasons."
"That's true, but Fitz why was Ford so hell bent on us not being together?"
Fitz sighed deeply and stood from the sofa. "I need something to drink. Come on."
He reached out his hand and she took it. Together they walked out of her office toward the kitchen. They were in the family room when she stopped.
"Why don't you go upstairs and wait for me and I'll make coffee and tea." He looked at her with a smirk.
"Oh no, mister, we're not finished talking. Go on, I'm coming."
She shooed him off and he walked towards the stairs. She watched until he was out of sight before turning and walking to the kitchen.
Olivia walked into her bedroom just as Fitz was walking out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel. He'd taken a shower while she prepared their beverages downstairs. She walked toward her sitting area, took a seat, and waited for him.
Fitz emerged from Olivia's closet, where she kept the items of clothing he left on occasion, wearing pajama pants sitting low on his hips and a white t-shirt. He joined her on the sofa and put an arm around her shoulder, and pulled her close. They silently sipped for a few minutes, both glad that the misunderstandings and lies that had destroyed their lives were slowly being revealed. They still had a lot to discuss.
Fitz placed his mug on the side table next to the sofa and began to speak.
"Livvie, my brother's power and influence has twisted him. His intent has always been to control me. That's partially my fault because it was me that allowed him to continue to believe that he could. I honestly don't think Ford feels anything other than the need to control and it still drives him crazy that he can't control me."
"I thought he felt he was looking out for you."
"Ford has always thought that he knew what was best and tried to make decisions for me, even though I'm the older brother. I just never thought he would do anything this manipulative."
Fitz had always known that his brother was a man driven. He learned early on that Fitz was the favorite son and favorite grandchild, so he felt he needed to prove to his father and grandfather that he was just as smart and capable as his older brother.
But Ford had changed. He'd become consumed by his own dreams, dreams that he wanted Fitz to share, whether he wanted to or not. And at any cost.
"When he saw us together in L.A. he knew that I was in love with you. He hadn't seen me that happy with any other woman. He was so troubled that he had us followed."
Olivia sat up suddenly and moved away from him. Fitz told her everything about the discussion he and his brother had had, even about the unfortunate incident. Her eyes widened and she covered her mouth with her hand as he told her about choking his brother.
"But why, Fitz? Why did he do all of this?"
"Well for one, he wanted you to be so angry and hurt with my alleged words that you would walk away and never contact me again."
"And that's exactly what I did," she said.
"He believed that you were a distraction for me and a threat to the plans that he had for him and me, and the future of GNA. And he wouldn't listen to anything that contradicted his plans."
"What if I hadn't walked away the first time?"
Fitz shook his head. "He never would've allowed it. His plan was to deliberately sabotage our relationship, destroy it, and you would be a forgotten memory."
"Allowed? Destroyed? What kind of monster is your brother? She pressed a fist to her mouth to keep from screaming.
"Livvie, I'm…"
"No, Fitz." She shook her head vehemently. "I'm fine."
Fitz reached out and pulled her back against him. "I've been thinking, if you called, left voicemails, sent texts and emails, there was only one person, other than Ford, who had access to that information. Someone I've trusted for the past ten years. Next to Ford, she's the only person who could possibly hurt me worse."
She looked up at him. "Who?"
"Lauren McGee."
Fitz's assistant. Olivia couldn't hide the shock on her face.
"Why do you think she'd do something like that?" She asked, even though it all made sense now. Lauren had never attempted to contact Fitz on her behalf.
"I don't think she was the mastermind. That would be Ford. But I'd also like to know why."
"Do you think he blackmailed her?"
"It's possible."
"But why?" she asked, clearly frustrated.
"Because he could. He could have done all of this without involving her but he didn't. I'm not sure I want to know why, but we need to know what happened, why she would risk her career and her livelihood in this way."
Olivia sat stunned, trying to digest all that Fitz had told her.
"I really want to hurt my brother right now."
She laid her head on his shoulder. "Fitz, that's not going to change anything. The consequences would hurt you and Elle, and I won't let that happen. My baby has her daddy and she isn't going to lose you because of some personal vendetta you have against your brother."
Fitz smiled thinking about his mini-me. "You're right, but I can't help how I feel."
"I know. I'm angry too, but I'm going to work on letting go of the anger I'm feeling." Olivia wasn't sure if she would ever be able to forgive Ford Grant for what he'd done to the three of them. She didn't hate him, and for Elliott's sake, she wouldn't let the anger and the rage that she felt for him, consume and control her. If she could help it.
"We both just need to concentrate on us, and raising a happy and healthy little girl." She said with finality.
Fitz knew Olivia was right and that was a nice sentiment, but he wasn't as civilized. The desire to exact revenge was strong. Too strong to ignore.
"I'm happy you're able to do that, Livvie." And he was. But he just wasn't feeling so benevolent towards his brother right now.
He shook his head. "This will devastate my parents."
Her heart went out to him. He was right, JR and Christine would be absolutely devastated.
Olivia yawned. It had been a long day and she was exhausted. They had done a lot of talking and they weren't finished. But it would have to wait until tomorrow. It wasn't long before Fitz heard her soft snores.
Fitz smiled down at the love of his life before slowly moving her aside and standing. He lifted her in his arms and took her to the bed and laid her down before joining her. He kissed her forehead and then reached up to turn off the lamp. Unfortunately, sleep didn't come as quickly for him.
Even though the thought of his brother's betrayal made him sick, he knew the truth in his heart: Ford was a lying, manipulative bastard. Only one thing would stop him, and that was confrontation. But Fitz was a patient man, and would wait for Ford to return to states.