Warning: This story will contain graphic depictions of violence, mature language, abuse and lemons in later chapters.

Chapter Sixteen

-Love-

Masen

Telling Doe that I loved her changed everything.

I had never expected to find her. Going through my life in solitude, disappearing whenever my past caught up to me had been easy, my new normal.

But after meeting her everything had changed.

Instead of spending my nights riding with Leah, I now found myself talking to Doe in the early hours of the morning . Learning about her, helping her when I could, and above all else becoming someone I hoped she could trust.

Fuck me, I loved her.

I loved her for her courage. For the look in her eyes when I told her my secrets, open and non judgmental. She was a warrior to the world, triumphant in her survival with a will of iron. She withstood so much, and still when she touched me, her skin was soft and gentle. Her brown eyes warm and clear.

Loving her, although still so new, was as easy as breathing. It wasn't a choice anymore, it had become part of me.

I watched her now as she loaded her backpack with rocks and stones, one at a time, increasing the weight slowly to build muscle as she did her exercises. Her legs had to be burning, they stiffened and wobbled with every new addition of weight, but nevertheless she would bite her lip in concentration and push onwards.

I knew she was pushing herself too hard, and occasionally I felt the pull of protectiveness swoop in and I had to fight the urge to beg her to rest, but I always stopped myself. I knew why she gave herself deadlines, and I knew why she disciplined her body well past the point of reason.

This was her therapy. Her way to prove to herself that she wasn't weak, that she could fight back. That her legs may have been broken once, but no longer. That her power hadn't always been respected, but she demanded it now.

She slipped the shoulder loops on, and after rolling her neck, began to run once more around the barn. Her cheeks were rosy, and the little air puffs that came from her lips as she ran quickly evaporated as she slipped through the soft clouds of her breath.

Now that the snow had stopped, and the rain had come in, I had been able to dig a path for her to run in. The ground was frozen still, but the salt I poured had helped a bit in giving her traction against the earth.

She hadn't asked me to do that, just as she never had asked me to fix any of the other odds or ends I found needing attention in the Church. But I needed to stay busy.

She had found a role with these people. To the Father she seemed to take on the role of friend, and at times, even daughter. To Seb, she was not only his favorite playmate, but the only maternal figure he could rely on.

But I was an outsider. A wanderer. I belonged to no one, and until Doe, I had never wanted that to change.

It's not that I didn't like her new found family. It's just that I couldn't….ah…it's hard to talk about.

Doe is special. She's the only thing that matters. Keeping her safe and happy is the first thing in a very long time I've found fulfilling or meaningful. Whoever she once was didn't matter. She was her own woman, and I would fight for her right to choose her own path, when inevitably it became time.

She finished her lap and I leaned against the window, watching her begin her lunges, her scarred calves bare to the icy wind and turning pink with effort against the cold.

The necklace her new family had given her rested on her chest, and occasionally she would reach up and clutch it to her breast, eyes closed, before she continued on.

The Father was in the main hall turned living room, drawing out a world map with Seb, pointing and counting countries and continents. Their voices soft against the gentle whistle of wind against the rafters.

This little group seemed to be faring fairly well in isolation, and even though I understood the necessity, I shared Doe's urgency in finding our way back to civilization.

A sentiment I'm not sure the Father appreciated. He had yet to speak to me of his ghosts, likely more focused and concerned on Doe's wellbeing than to spend time confiding in me. I had a feeling he had heard more than he had let on that night in the snow, and I noticed small changes in how he addressed me, but the distance between us remained.

Doe stopped her exercises and leaned against the barn, her chest heaving and her eyes closed as she passed a sweaty hand over her brow.

I glanced behind me once, checking to make sure the Father and boy were busy in their lessons, before grabbing my jacket off the door and heading out to her.

I walked slowly, careful not to startle her. She heard the crunch of my footsteps and smiled a little, opening her eyes as she caught her breath.

She was radiant.

I came closer, neither of us speaking yet, and brushed a thumb over her flushed cheek. I studied her expression, her brown eyes dancing over my features as her pink lips parted with a light laugh.

"Are you cold, little bird?" Her skin felt icy against my warm touch.

She turned and skimmed her lips against my roughened palm, my hand now cradling the side of her face.

"I'm okay." She came closer for a hug.

"Nervous?"

She sighed. "A little." I felt her fingers slip beneath my leather jacket and over my flannel. "I think Ephraim is going to put a padlock on the door while we sleep." Her tone was light, but I could sense the tense undercurrent simmering beneath the surface.

Tomorrow we began the long trek into the unknown, heading towards town. We had spent much of the day preparing and packing, trying to sneak in as much prep as we could before Ephraim finished with Seb and our time ended.

I had seen to the provisions we would need, food rations, water, fire starters…all the essentials. Doe however had spent her morning looking through maps and circling points of interest in town.

We needed to focus on finding help. That much was certain. The route she had planned for us was easily outlined by the markers placed by the shed, although we both doubted they'd still be up after all the snow and storms.

The journey would take two or three days depending on the weather. I had suggested we follow the long buried roads into town, instead of following the hiking markers, but Ephraim had assured us the Church was mostly surrounded by forest, and that most of his parish had lived over an hour away.

I tucked her under my arm, and led her into Leah's barn, thinking it might be nice to take her on a little ride before dinner. Our last carefree moment for a while.

She eyed me a little as we walked, a brow arched up at me in question. I pushed open the swinging door for her and kissed her cheek.

"Let's take a little break."

Doe laughed and followed me inside. The barn was mostly made from neighboring trees and bits of plywood Ephraim had supplied me with here and there. It wasn't much, but it had given me a task and had kept Leah warm.

Her tail flicked as Doe approached, and she playfully nosed her shoulder as Doe swept a hand across her mane in greeting.

I leaned for a moment inside the door, watching them interact. Leah had always been a willful creature. Hell, when I first took her on she escaped more than once. But when her mind was made up, it was made up.

So seeing her interact so warmly with Doe made my heart flex in my chest, knowing I wasn't the only one who had grown fond of her.

I didn't need Doe to say the words back. I knew why she hadn't.

She looked over at me with a small smile.

"She's quite taken with you." I reached up and scuffed Leah's ear, as the mare let out a huff.

"I'm taken with her." Doe laughed when Leah turned in her stall towards Doe and gave me a view of her rear.

"Ah, now girl. I won't take her away." I chuckled and reached for her saddle.

Once we were mounted, I handed Doe the reins and let her guide us as she wished. The air was still violently cold, but at some point our bodies had adjusted, using the warmth between us to keep us comfortable.

Icicles hung overhead in dangerous spears, and tons of frozen snow and ice blanketed the surface of most anything not protected. The wind was gentle against our cheeks as we rode, only picking up occasionally to toss a lock of Doe's hair across her cream colored skin.

We rarely talked during these rides, and especially after my admission to her, we kept things relatively simple.

No more secrets, no more upheavals. Our relationship was in a state of rest and renewal, and I couldn't help but hold her a little closer.

She hadn't asked much about Carlisle or Esme. Being the son of such a well known politician hadn't seemed to concern her in the least. The only thing she ever wondered on was how I was doing in the moment, and if I missed them.

"Masen?" She murmured to me in the quiet evening light.

"Mmm?" I nuzzled her neck and she sighed, tilting her head back softly to allow me access.

"When this is over, where will we go?"

I held her closer, breathing in her scent and enjoying the feeling of her small soft frame being held in mine.

"Wherever you want. We will take Rose home, then after that you can choose."

It was quiet again for a moment before she spoke softly. "I think maybe I'd like to travel. I want...I want to see the ocean."

That surprised me a little and I peeked down at her. "The ocean?"

"Yeah. I've seen pictures in Seb's books, but it's hard to imagine. Ephraim says it smells like salt, and that the wind blows so hard it can carry ships to shore."

I smiled a little, liking her description. "Alright. The ocean it is then."

She pulled us back towards the Church, knowing the evening meal was soon to be served. "I want to make new memories. With you. And with them. Do you think they'd come? I know Seb will have to return to school, and things will be different but…"

She trailed off and I stroked her thigh in what I hoped were soothing circles, before jumping down and helping her off Leah as we approached the barn. The ride hadn't been long, but I already saw a softness in her eyes that wasn't there before.

"They love you. I'm sure they'll come along when they can."

Doe leaned against Leah for a moment, our arms wrapped around each other. I felt a moment of unease at her question, thinking further.

"Are you sure you don't want to stay here? With them? If it's me that's-"

"No." She raised a finger to my lips. "No, I know you. You would stay if I asked you to." Her hand drifted to my cheek and she gently scratched the growing stubble she found there. I closed my eyes briefly against the sensation. God…this woman was under my skin. My hands on her hips tightened in reaction.

"I love them too. All of you are everything to me. My family." Her eyes grew warm and she rested her pale little hand against the bared skin of my throat. "But I need to find out who I am. I want to know if I like the ocean, or if I can drive a car. I want to learn how to fish and how to buy a house."

I looked down at her, my heart full with pride and warmth at her declarations. She was no mouse, she was strong and vital and would not allow her circumstances to choose her path.

I leaned down to her and pressed a firm kiss to her brow.

"I love you."

I felt the small shudder move through her, and her hands slipped into the leather collar of my jacket, gripping me tightly.

"I want you to come with me." She whispered, the air thick between us and her fingers curled tightly, pulling me closer.

"Fuck, I'm with you little bird. Count on it."

We met in the middle and a groan clawed its way up my throat as my hands slid up her sides and tangled in her hair. A small sound of need escaped her lips as our tongues touched and our tastes merged.

Doe fell back against Leah, and I thanked every moment Leah tolerated her weight as I showed Doe just how well we fit together.

"Masen…" She gasped as my lips found their way to the hollow of her throat, sucking at the exposed skin. The need in me was fuel to a fire burning bright in my belly. I needed her, I needed to touch her, I needed to hold her.

The small barn we now huddled suddenly felt too warm, and deliciously earthy. When her legs started to tremble I picked her up, swinging her beautifully designed thighs around my waist, and sought new purchase against the wall, cradling her head in my palm to protect her from the roughness of the unfinished wood.

She arched against me, as my lips moved to her shoulder, her sweatshirt pushing farther to the side as I took and tasted.

Doe trembled in my arms, and she gripped my hair with both hands, urging me lower.

"Doe…" I growled against her sweat misted pale skin. I wanted to take, to bite into that silky flesh as I claimed her as mine. "Fuck…Doe…I need…"

"Yes. God…please Masen…" I growled low and deep when she said my name. My free hand slammed next to her head as my nails dug into the wood. Her body twisted against mine, seeking friction.

"Damn it. Wait." I huffed heavily against her cheek, and we shuddered against each other as I held her against the wall. "You…Doe you deserve..."

The adrenaline and need in my veins demanded attention, my heart slamming against my ribs as I vied for control.

She whimpered against me, grazing her open lips across my hair as our breathing softened to a hot pant. "Masen, I need you. Please. Please let go with me."

Those words were nearly my undoing.

But this was Doe. Doe who had no memory of a touch beyond what I gave her, and the disgusting primate that forced himself on her. I would give her respect. I wouldn't rut with her against the wall like a teenager and subject her to my unhindered need.

"Doe…When I have you, I want you to be ready." I kissed her slowly, wetly and sinfully. When we parted I looked at her with hooded eyes and whispered into her ear. "And when you give yourself to me, I will take you in a soft bed and thoroughly and deliberately show you how you make me feel. I won't let our first time be an accident. I want you too much."

I felt my heart squeeze painfully in my chest when I heard a whimper of a different sort fall from her lips. I moved up her body and kissed each silver tear that fell from her face as I took her in my arms and attempted to take her pain away with my own shaking body.

"I love you, little bird."

A/N: This story has two main points of inspiration. The first is "The Long Dark" by Hinterland Studios. There are some elements of this story I am borrowing, but the premise is mine alone. This is a gorgeous, gripping and enchanting game. I highly recommend you play it.

The second is "Washed Up" By xrxdanixrx. I loved this story and the idea of amnesia came from reading. I encourage you all to read this wonderful story.

Stephanie Meyer is the sole owner of the Twilight Franchise, and she owns all related characters you may see here. This is merely a fanfiction of her work.