Zuko Gets His Xbox Taken Away (And Other Such Tales)

by Wenchicus Thoticus

One-shots from the Fire Nation including Zuko getting his Xbox taken away, Ursa's black market quests, and Ozai choosing a title for himself that isn't "Phoenix King." Crack, AUs. No adult content, rated T for language, drug references, dark humor.

41. The Dumbest Bitch Alive

"We're taking the prisoners home!"

Everyone froze. Zuko and Iroh realized that Azula's promises had been a ruse, and Azula realized that her scheme had failed thanks to her idiot captain.

Acting quickly, Azula seized an award from Zuko's achievement case. "Here." She bowed. "This belongs to you now, Captain."

"Oh, thank you," he sighed, relieved. He'd thought Azula would burn him to a crisp for his mistake! But then he read it, deflating sadly. "Oh… This is the 'Dumbest Bitch Alive' award…"

"Enjoy it while you can." Azula tossed the medal back to Zuko, then shoved the captain overboard, where he would no longer be the dumbest bitch alive simply by virtue of not being alive.

It was so hard being the smartest bitch on the block.

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AN: idk this was funnier in my head. If y'all fuck with my writing, I'd appreciate it if you checked out my newest fic, "Breath," an AU where Aang wakes up from the iceberg 30 years earlier. If it were a chapter of "Zuko Gets His Xbox Taken Away," it would be called "Ozai's Ethnostate Adventure" and it would be funny instead of scary and depressing. Thanks!