Aderyn 'Addie' Klossner

District 10 Female, 15
First Morning at the Capitol

Stupid stupid stupid Valentino Ricci.

Damn him and his stupid hair, and stupid smile and stupid face!

Already I'm here in this fucking mess, but no, I need to be stuck with him here, too.

I slam the door shut when I make it back to my room, because I couldn't sleep for shit last night, just rolling around in my bed, throwing my covers on and off as though I was about to have a damn seizure. Slamming things helps.

And to top things off, someone downstairs kept on making noise, and I just couldn't close my eyes for even five minutes. That's a great start for what is probably going to be my last week on this Earth, halle-fucking-lujah. So, if the person residing under my room had any plans of sleeping in today, tough luck buddy, should have thought of that earlier before you started going berserk in the middle of the goddamn night.

For breakfast, I genuinely thought food was going to make things better, but then Ricci was already there, obviously, and soured my mood to hell.

So now I'm here, just sitting on my bed, thinking about how fucking convoluted the universe must be to put me in the Hunger Games with Valentino, the son of the famous Enzo Ricci who instigated some of the most complicated terrorist and stealth operations in Panem history.

I'm fifteen, I'm not a kid no more. I was born during the war and my dad was a Peacekeeper with the Capitol forces, so you could call me a Capitol-leaning citizen. I know there's a lot left to be desired in our country, me being reaped case in point, but my dad always said they're the ones that paid our bills, so some minimal support was to be expected.

Now one thing to know about me, it's that I don't particularly hate the rebels, either. They did what they had to do, and they lost. That's the way things are and I've always tried to instill a basic kind of neutrality within me, despite my dad's profession which gave me a bit of a biased view from the start.

But in life, even if you will it, sometimes stuff just can't be simple. It sure as hell ain't simple with Valentino and me being reaped together.

I pass a hand through my frizzled hair, in vain.

The thing is my father was on the Peacekeeping unit that executed Enzo Ricci and his wife, arguably the most famous rebel officers of the District. And a few months, later, he lost his squad and his legs to a bomb planted by the couple, a kind of 'see you in hell bastards!' move if I've ever seen one. And it would have been fucking poetic if it wasn't my dad and it hadn't impacted our family's life as much as it did.

But the fact still stands that Enzo Ricci and Vera Faithlen made my dad into yet another handicapped war veteran that can't provide for his family. That took a toll on my mom and I think that's what made her so sullen and withdrawn. I think that the little love my parents had for each other got pulverized alongside my dad's legs that day, and I'd be lying if I didn't think it was at least a little depressing.

This happened about seven or eight months before I was born too, so my poor mother was left fending for herself as she grew larger and larger. My father was busy fighting off sepsis, on pain medication and other drugs that really did jackshit in the long run.

I was born into a world where no matter how much you try to forget and move on, the past always comes to bite you in the ass sooner or later. Valentino and I have way too much baggage to ever get along, whether I ever tell him or not.

Now, I've never been the most easy-going person around here. I know I'm not exactly peachy to get along with, I've got enough self-awareness to realize that much. But I don't think it strictly helped that both my parents have been shut off in their own little bubbles of trauma ever since I was an agglomeration of cells inside my mother. My father's been assigned to administrative work and he's always wanted me to be something more.

Not that he ever really established what exactly he wanted for me. No one ever really bothered.

When I was waiting for the goodbyes, my mother wheeled in my father and the most tragic part is how awkward the whole ordeal was.

It was cringe-inducing because we all had nothing to say, so we just tersely hugged and they wished me luck. Again, I try to be a pragmatic as possible in normal situation, but being reaped ain't normal by any accounts. Hell, if I was a betting girl, I'd gamble on the fact that our stupid escort will show more emotion when I'm shoved up into the tube that leads to the arena.

Maybe it's a little juvenile, but I allow myself to hyperfocus on the fact that my weird-ass life turned out the way it is because of a cascade of events that all lead up to Ricci's parents.

So, yeah, it's a little personal.

And Valentino has no idea.

That's probably the thing that irks me the most and sets my hair on end.

He goes around bumbling like an idiot, flashing smiles and showing off his muscles without even trying, and he doesn't know what his parents have done to my family. What my father did to his.

Somehow, my screwed-up brain fixates on that fact more than anything else.

I'm literally spiralling.

Maybe I wouldn't be so antagonistic if we were back in District 10. I'd just stay clean and avoid him, but here, combined with the stress of thinking through my strategy, choosing allies, and trying to survive, I just can't seem to cope with the knowledge that his father instigated the attack that crippled my father, ruined my mother. I can't stand the fact that he's here smiling at me when my own father ripped his to shreds with bullets.

It's as though our families were fated to destroy each other until none of us were left intact.

There a knock on my door which interrupts my musings.

At first, I'm tempted to just let the person on the other side of the door knock until the end of time.

I don't answer, just sit pouting there with my arms crossed.

Glenn's gruff voice echoes through the door.

"Let me in, Addie, I have some chocolate eclairs."

Those are good shit. Never had them until today, but they're amazing. I reconsider and unlock the door.

Glenn comes in with a bemused expression on his face.

"You know, I wasn't planning on giving anyone The Talk until Ophelia was at least fourteen, but…" he trails away, and I retreat back to my bed.

What does The Talk have anything to do with this? Where are the eclairs?

Realizing I've been duped, I double-down on the negativity in my facial expression.

"I know what sex is, what the hell does this have to do with anything?" I yell at him, a little aggressively, considering I know he's supposed to try his best to save my life with sponsors and whatnot.

His eye grows to the size of a saucer and I become suddenly defensive. I'm fifteen, in a district known for its intense macho dudes and easy-going chicks. No wonder our teenage pregnancy rate is highest in the entire country. Does he think I was raised in a barn?

"Yeah, that's right, my parents taught me, I know what it is, and I'm not some District 10 slut who will go around sleeping with other tributes," I continue, my tone hitching slightly up because I'm so flustered.

If even for a second I thought that's what Glenn expected to hear, that illusion is shattered.

"God no, ew, oh my god, you're FIFTEEN, I wasn't talking about that at ALL… parents talk about that with their kids?" he reels back, obviously caught off guard and I stifle a nasty chuckle. It's funny to see District 10's legendary if-somewhat-alienated Victor shy away from me like a traumatized puppy.

"Normal parents anyways, my parents aren't normal by any accounts and my mom still pulled me aside in the butcher's shop and demonstrated with …" I start mimicking, but am interrupted by a clearly even more freaked-out Glenn who shields his remaining eye with one hand and starts waving the other in front of me.

"Okayyyyy let's stop this discussion right there, I have no interest in knowing how your parents taught you about this, I was here to talk to you about being able to handle your emotions around guys, none of that gross shit," he stumbles over his words, as though trying to block out the image of little nine-year-old me being taught by my mother the birds and the bees by way of sausages and meats in a very mechanistic and detailed way.

"Also don't go calling people sluts, that's not polite! My wife got pregnant real' young and we're doing just fine!"

To come to think of it, it was a pretty fucking uncomfortable discussion but pretty much everything is, in my household, so there you go. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that I was still all knees and elbows, and my mom just regurgitated all that information, very graphically might I add, and ended the discussion with a promise to never talk about it again.

Not the healthiest of ways to deal with things, but again, my family isn't known for that anyways.

Glenn waves his hand again, in front of my face and I snap back into attention, fuming.

"I'm here because I've seen how you act around Val, and I wanted to let you know that you can talk to me, about your… problems," Glenn restarts, shaking his head as though trying to dispel whatever misunderstanding we had before.

He's clearly not doing a very good job, judging from his traumatized facial expression.

It's like he's really trying to be that thoughtful kind girl friend whose shoulder you can cry on, except he's an almost-thirty-year-old man with facial hair and one eyes which screams of 'get me out of here!'.

"I ain't got feelings for that Ricci guy, I didn't even talk to him!" I counter, getting angry, and very visibly red because of the anger and nothing else.

It's true!

Glenn deadpans. "Yeah, sure, that's why you've been staring at his arms with stars in your eyes the entire time we were at the table."

"That's not TRUE!" I scream, getting really embarrassed because okay fine, Valentino's arms are the size of cantaloupes but that doesn't mean shit!

"Gahhhh, I don't know how to even do this, why can't Jasmine just handle it," Glenn says as though he's talking to an audience, exasperated beyond belief.

"Who's Jasmyn?" I ask, visibly intrigued and happy with the change of subject.

"No, you're not changing the subject that quickly, little lady!" Glenn points an accusatory finger at me.

Nevermind, I spoke too soon.

"Geez, no wonder you've got repressed issues deeper than the Grand Canyon," Glenn sighs, and I wheel around to face him again.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It means you need to get your shit together! Val's not a bad guy! And you need to tell me what's bothering you and get over whatever weird crush-obsession-thing girls have at your age," Glenn says, and I hit my knee with a clenched fist in frustration.

"I don't like him!"

"Then what is it?!"

I bite down my tongue and stay silent.

"Addie, you need to tell me so I can damage-control the shit out of this situation, this is how we're gonna do it around here, okay?" Glenn says a little softer, edging closer to where I'm sitting.

I deflate like a party balloon being man-handled by a giant toddler.

"Ricci's…you know how before I came in, you mentioned Ricci's dad being this rebel officer thing? I heard you say it. Well, my dad was on the squad that offed the man. And then one of Ricci's bombs went off while my dad was out scouting, and sent his whole team to kingdom come."

Glenn stays silent for a few seconds too long.

"So we've got a history," I conclude, swallowing painfully. Weirdly enough, now that the truth is out there, I'm terrified. I know Glenn and his wife were very young, but my dad was never too fond of them either, since they were also part of the rebel factions that caused quite a bit of trouble before Glenn was reaped. I don't want him to hate me, because I really had nothing to do with it. As I've mentioned before, I'm a staunch supporter of minding my own business and not poking into people's opinions too much.

"Damn, kid."

"Yeah. Damn. And Valentino's just so nice and sweet and I can't be that asshole who just rolls with that, because his parents are dead and mine had a direct link to that."

Glenn runs a hand through his hair, releasing a huge sigh like he's also deflating, slowly but surely.

"Yikes, am I right?"

I don't say anything, just nod. And then I take the leap because for once in my life, it feels nice to just be listened to.

For once, I really can't stand feeling like I'm alone against the entire world.

"And it doesn't help that he's literally the most beautiful stupid human being I've seen, so there you have it, you're not allowed to tease me about it-"

Glenn interrupts me, a chuckle building up at the back of his throat before erupting into a full-on laugh.

"I told you! Hah! See? We're doing it, we're bonding!"

I swat him in the arm, but can't help the smile that illuminates my features. Maybe I've gone completely insane.

It feels better though.

"Please don't tell Valentino, okay?" I practically beg, because I'm pretty sure I'd have my head mounted on a pike, no matter how nice he's been acting towards me. That's how people work in District 10, and no matter how neutral I claim to be now, blood feuds like this aren't easily forgotten.

Glenn pats me on the shoulder.

"First off, whatever your parents did has nothing to do with you. Second, in the past decade, we got over having a full-on civil war, do you really think I'm gonna re-open old wounds like that?"

I mull it over. "I guess not."

"The part about you admitting he's 'literally the most beautiful stupid human being you've ever seen' however is not necessarily off lim-"

He's interrupted by the pillow I send flying straight to his head. It says volumes about me that I'm equally mortified about Glenn telling Valentino about me maybe crushing on him as I am about him discovering my dad's involvement in his parents' execution. Volumes.

I clamp a hand on my mouth because what the hell, the guy is still twice my age and my mentor and…

Glenn dissolves into a fit of laughter and throws the pillow back, hitting me in the head.

I just can't help it, my face splits into another smile and I start giggling too. When we both calm down, I get serious again, and I feel the words inside my mouth before releasing them in a torrent.

I tell Glenn a lot of stuff that I maybe shouldn't, but the more I talk, the less unsure I feel about the tangled feelings within my brain. To his credit, he doesn't run out, screaming about how his tribute is an absolute lunatic. He sits there listening to me rant.

You'd think the worst part of this entire clusterfuck would be the fact that I want revenge, I want to maim Valentino the same way his deceased father did with mine. But really, there's that gnawing and all-consuming guilt that Valentino doesn't know that my father contributed to his parents' eventual execution. It makes me want to vomit every time I see him smile at me kindly.

Once I run out of breath and energy, I just kind of sag into the bed, and Glenn pats my shoulder again.

"How's that for a talk? Graphic enough for you?" I ask, teasing Glenn and snickering as his serious face melts into a smirk.

"Man, Addie, I don't know what to say, you really have a knack to make conversations weird as hell, don't you?" he sighs, this time with a little less exasperation.

"To be fair, you're the one who was freaking unclear about what you wanted to talk about,…The Talk," I say, smiling a little and imitating him as he came into my room.

"Hey! I literally said I wanted to have The Talk, how the hell am I supposed to know that also means ….all that other shit?!"

"You're a parent, you're supposed to know these things!"

"In my defense, I was one-hundred percent convinced that this Talk only consisted of dissuading your kid from ever dating boys, end of story. Feelings and emotions processed and handled," he claps his hands and then shakes his head laughing. "I can't believe Raella never corrected even me on this."

I giggle.

"So when you came into this room, your plan was to …what? Tell me the mechanics of liking boys and how to suppress the shit out of those feelings? I'm a real human being you know, flesh and blood, I got desires too," I reason, still smirking.

"Okay, you literally need to stop, can I remind you that you're fifteen and I'm twice your age and I really don't need to picture all this stuff in my head? I have enough horrifying shit up in here," he counters, tapping his head with his index finger.

I stick out my tongue at him, but don't add anything else.

"Now get off your butt, we've got some eclairs to finish off because 'muscle man' over there insisted we leave some for you because he noticed you enjoyed them on the train."

I turn around nodding, trying to hide my face which keeps on doing that blushing thing it does. Needless to say, I'm not a fan.

"I saw that!"

"No, you didn't," I yell back, but Glenn's already out the door, knowing I'll follow soon.

I sigh, and head out of the room.

Nothing's resolved, but I already feel like a load has been taken off my shoulders.

Maybe all it takes is a friend to keep you from digging yourself into a hole of stress and doubt. Maybe this talk is exactly what I needed to put things into perspective. My father still killed Enzo Ricci sixteen-odd years ago. He still got his legs blown off, that'll never change. And odds are I'll never tell Valentino because what's the point. But at least I'm not agonizing about it alone.

I know I'm not out of the woods just yet, and chances are I'll never be. But at least someone actually knows what's going on through my head, and I feel like just that makes a world of difference.

Notes: Please give a warm round of applause for Addie from District 10! Just a teenage girl from a dysfunctional family with some issues, but we love her anyways, don't we folks? Tell me what you think of this good child.

Can we all please acknowledge the fact that Glenn is literally unprepared to be a parent? Can we also acknowledge the fact that he's really trying his darnedest? What did you think of his evolving relationship with Addie?

We've only got two districts to cover before we dive deep into training and beyond, so I hope you guys are at least as excited about this as I am!

Peace and love.