Allusion to child abuse and rape, so if you're not alright reading this, please be advised. This was an incredibly difficult chapter to write and although I tried my best to stay fairly superficial in terms of descriptions, it can be triggering to some. There's no play-by-play because I cannot write that stuff at ALL, but it's still a difficult read.

Tyree

District 11 Male, 12
First Morning at the Capitol

No one really comes to wake me up, which I find a little weird.

I just lie there, on the hard surface of the floor, taking deep breaths and frowning a little bit, because my routine is all jumbled up. Breathing like this always makes me feel a little better.

My shoulder blades etch into the wood beneath me, and I try to roll my shoulders to take away the ache in the small of my back.

Daddy always warned me about sleeping on comfy surfaces too often. He says it makes you go soft too, which isn't good. Every time he'd find me sleeping in, on my bed, he'd mention how he knew some kids that melted into their bed, and I was always so scared of that happening. Now that I'm a little older, I have my doubts about whether that's really possible, but the idea is still scary. I'm sure Daddy just loved me so much he wanted the best for me.

Stretching my neck a little bit, I crank my head, so that it's the only thing off the floor.

I look down, and see my whole body splayed out in front of me. My toes, curling in circles as I stretch my feet, my hands drumming on the wooden surface I chose to sleep on and my chest, rising up and up and up, until I exhale, and it flattens back down.

Up and down, my belly puffing up like a balloon. It's amusing to look at.

I would have thought Casmir would have come to see me by now.

Casmir told me he was going to mentor me, but I don't really understand what that means yet. He said he won the Hunger Games, and that I'm in them now, and I didn't really understand that either because I've been less hungry on this trip than ever before. I guess I'll know in the next few days.

He's a big man, just like Daddy. Same dark eyes, and everything, you could almost say they're brothers, but he told me they're not related.

I really don't understand why he didn't come to see me.

It feels like the room is starting to boil, or maybe it's just my skin heating up at the idea that this is going to be another day of me being locked up in my room all by myself. I really hated when that happened, because it would just get so lonely.

I hug Herbert, my plushy toy, and keep breathing slowly. I have to keep reminding myself that I'm not where I used to be, here, I'm the one that can lock the door, not the other way around.

I stroke Herbert's head affectionately at the thought of having control of the door.

Herbert is my best friend. He's the only one I could talk to, apart from Daddy. Daddy's always been so strict about the people I can and can't talk to, and I guess it makes sense because there's a lot of people out there that want to hurt you.

Maybe I did something wrong yesterday, and I didn't realize. That happens a lot of the time. Maybe that's why Casmir hasn't visited. Daddy always said I am a little slow when it comes to realizing things.

I just don't really know anything, that's the deal.

I've always just known the walls of our house. Especially the dark cold ones of my room. I've known the little beady eyes of the rats that came to visit, too, but I didn't like them too much because they'd try to steal my food. When I was nice, Daddy would let me visit the other parts of the house, the ones made of wood. That's why I like this floor so much, it reminds of the pretty rooms upstairs, not the dark ugly one where I used to sleep.

I know my life was not all bad, because otherwise Daddy wouldn't have gotten so mad when I left for a bit, about a year ago. He was so frustrated! I shudder just at the thought of me sheepishly knocking on the front door, because I wasn't tall enough to climb back through a window and keep it all a secret.

His face… I'm not sure what kind of feelings were going through his head, but I can guarantee they weren't the good ones. I laughed a little at first, at the way his eyes bulged out of his head and the way his mouth kept opening and closing, as though he was Freddy the Foolish Fish out of my favorite cartoon.

I didn't laugh after when he roughly brought me downstairs, locked the door and screamed so hard that spittle flew from his mouth and the walls felt like they were going to collapse on my head.

My plan had been so perfect! I picked the door lock, I left through the window, and the idea was to climb back right when I was done. Before Daddy came home to share his day with me, hug me so hard and tell me everything was going to be fine.

And I … I didn't just betray him. I asked him many times to go, but he always didn't allow me. I gave him the best arguments, too. I told him I'd come back, and I did! I thought I was being a good boy, but he said I was ungrateful for thinking of leaving like that. Maybe it's true.

I tried explaining to him that I wanted to play outside. He told me it was bad that I liked other games than the ones we played at home.

He seemed to really enjoy those and they weren't horrible, but it's just that you know, it gets old sometimes. I just wanted to see whether there were other toys out in the world. Other people I could talk to and hug.

The worst part is that I really liked the outside world. I almost didn't come back. When Daddy locked me up after screaming at me, I felt justified in my feelings, but now I'm starting to understand that maybe I was wrong. I almost didn't come back and that's pretty selfish.

But I met another person my age. Actually, persons. They were nice, and one of them was pale and had the weirdest hair I've ever seen. Even on TV, I hadn't seen anything like that.

Bean, Miller and Thorn. Spud. Those were their names and I kept whispering them to Herbert, to not forget them, because I really wanted to meet them again one day.

Daddy said that if I went on stage yesterday, I'd be able to see them again, and play with them. He said he allowed me to, because it was a special occasion. I think he made a mistake because I didn't see them, but that's okay, there's still plenty of time. Casmir doesn't know who they are either, but I'll just keep asking.

I wonder what my new friends are doing now.

I sit up straight because I can hear voices from outside my room.

I've always had really good hearing, and on days when I'd be alone, with no food, I'd just sit there and listen to things.

Sometimes I'd imagine hearing stuff, when really there was only the hum of the refrigerator a few rooms away.

Daddy sometimes got really mad when I asked him about conversations he had outside my room. Those were the days when he wouldn't hug me gently. He wouldn't even let me sit with him and wouldn't pat me on my leg, nicely.

He'd push me into my bed and make me hurt all over, and those weren't the nice days.

I'd always forgive him, of course, because he'd be gentle afterwards. And it's not like I couldn't forgive him, because he was so much stronger than I was.

But Daddy isn't here right now, because he told me to come here. So, I could listen to what's going on. Maybe I could even ask Casmir about it later, and he could tell me what he meant before, on the train.

I still don't understand why he seemed so afraid of me, I was just trying to be nice.

Casmir's voice rises, and I quietly open my door, hug Herbert, and inch slowly towards the common room. The pale pink-lady is there too.

They seem to be having a really heated discussion, and I know I shouldn't listen in on what people say, but I do it anyways. I'm curious.

"I don't know, I should report this to the Peacekeeping unit of District 11. Who know how many children he's got hunkered down there."

"This seems barbaric. After the Games are over, I think this will be your main priority."

I don't really grasp the point of what they're talking, but that's fine, I'm being really sneaky right now, and I feel pride swell in my chest. I snicker to myself.

What would Daddy think?

"Tyree doesn't seem to want to talk about it at all. So I just…I don't know if there's more kids…" Casmir trails off, and I can hear him sighing. I don't understand why he's so upset.

"I mean come on, the kid doesn't understand basic human interaction! He tried to make a move on me," I hear the weird-looking pink lady guffaw loudly, or maybe she gasps, I can never really tell with human sounds like that.

"He's twelve…he's freaking twelve years old…what kind of abuse he had to go through to turn out like this?"

I frown.

I guess I made a mistake and I didn't really understand what Casmir wanted. I only tried to make him happy, but now I'm second-guessing myself. He didn't hit me though, so I didn't think he was that upset.

Maybe this isn't how everyone expresses their disappointment.

I almost want to round the corner and explain myself, to tell him that he's really nice and I wouldn't mind him being my new Daddy for now, but I stop. Maybe now's not the time. Daddy always got so mad when I had bad timing.

I strain my ears, trying to hear more from the conversation.

Something in my chest starts racing, thumping, as though it's going to escape. I have a bad feeling about this.

"He affirms he's always lived in the same house… Elora… I think he's one of the kids who was orphaned when District 11's big fire happened."

"I'm sorry Casmir, I don't follow…"

"We've always been a tight district, we ain't got that many secrets we all don't know about. Back when District 1's Jasmyn won, our tributes were murdered pretty quickly. I remember mentoring the girl, Lou, she was kind. She was pregnant too, and she got cut up so bad by the Careers our entire district rioted. They said her reaping was rigged… maybe it was, maybe it wasn't. The fact is that Mayor's house burned that week. Lots of people died."

It's as though his words are tumbling out of his mouth like a waterfall. I saw those on the television Daddy installed in my room, and I always thought they were beautiful. I liked the documentaries even more than I liked the cartoons.

"Forgive me Casmir, I still don't understand."

"Sorry Elora, I … it was a bad time for our district. I tried to intervene as much as I could, to keep the peace, but there's really not much to do when an angry mob comes at you. So, the Mayor's house burned, and all the maids, the staff…they all burned with it. Elora, you don't understand, most of them had kids, you know? Had little kids of one, two, three years old."

"That's terrible Casmir. I'm so sorry…"

"You think at three years old anyone can fend for themselves? They can't. The Peacekeepers have been trying to find them all for years, put them into proper orphanages. But there's some screwed-up people out there, Elora. They took the kids. I did some digging… Tyree's the right age to be one of them."

I wait patiently, going from foot to foot, as Casmir sighs again and I hear his hand slap something with quite a bit of force.

The familiarity of the sounds makes me flinch a little bit, but Daddy always said I should like it. I shouldn't shy away like this. So I stay put.

"I was a young Victor then, I was going around hospitals, doing charity work. And when the Mayor's house burned they started loading in the casualties. They kept bringing in the burnt victims on stretchers. It was a Code Orange throughout the hospital. It smelled of flesh and vomit, and I remember seeing these burnt slabs of meat moving, squirming, some of them wailing for help. They all died because we didn't have the means to save them. Some of them were screaming for their babies."

I hear Elora stand up, and pat Casmir on the back while sighing sadly too.

"About two years ago, one of my Peacekeeper friends told me about a bust they made about three or four years ago. They found little kids chained to walls in a basement. There was maybe 10 of them, all filthy and underfed. My friend said they were used as drug mules throughout the District. They were all the orphans of the maids that died in the Mayor's house. I saw them all, being transferred to a community home… they were all crying for drugs, for their mothers that they hadn't seen in years, for their captor… it was horrible."

Elora's heels click-clack a little and shift my feet to the rhythm of her steps.

"So, you think another drug lord kidnapped Tyree?"

"I think it's worse… I don't know… he might have been involved in some child sex trafficking scheme. I have nightmares just thinking about it."

I shudder, because there really never was anyone apart from Daddy. I don't remember it at least.

"If you want, I can make some phone calls and we can solve this while you're here. It would only take a few days..."

Casmir gets up as well, and I push myself against the wall, making myself completely small small small, so they don't see me.

"Thank you Elora, but I think this is a matter I need to resolve on my own. I really appreciate your support, but … it's my district and I need to be the one to do this."

"Very well. I'm sorry Casmir. This is an unfortunate situation. I hope you can get through to the boy, and get some additional information before…"

I don't understand, but I don't want to hear anymore, so I block it out.

Daddy was mad at me, so he told me to come here. I don't really know what I'm doing, but I'm not liking all the weird stuff they're saying, so I hug my plushy toy closer to my chest, and tiptoe back to my room.

I feel a bubble of helplessness start going up my throat and my lip starts trembling, but I push it down with all my might. I can't be sad right now. I'm not allowed.

I'm in a new world, a world I never thought I'd discover. I know Daddy's been punishing me a lot lately and that's why I'm out here, but this doesn't feel like punishment, it's actually really interesting, with all the new food and technology and people.

He said I'd find my new friends here, so I know I shouldn't worry too much, and I know Casmir is trying to help.

Casmir said I have a bit more time before we have to go. I don't know where we're going, but I'm excited to see new things and that's exactly what I focus on, instead of the rising knot in my chest. I'm not a baby anymore, I'm not allowed.

I know daddy was angry when he was sending me here, telling me I had to get on the stage and make sure they took me, but he still meant good. Right?

I bite down on Herbert, and keep breathing through my nose deeply. Daddy gave me Herbert so that I can do this, while he hugged me, because sometimes it wouldn't be too nice, but Herbert always felt like comfort. Herby's all screwed up now, with one eye missing and a half torn-off arm dangling uselessly on the side, but I still love him. Even when people go ugly, you don't stop loving them.

When I make it back to the room, it feels all too similar to that day when I sneaked out of my home and came back. This time, I got away with it unnoticed, but somehow, I just feel worse because I just can't seem to understand what everyone is saying. What does this mean?

I lie back down on the floor, still hugging Herbert and biting down on his left ear because I don't want to cry.

This is going to be an adventure. An adventure.

Daddy was right about this being an adventure. No matter what Casmir and Elora were talking about, I'm sure he meant good. Adventures always seemed so fun in the cartoons.

My grip on Herbert loosens up a little bit, and I smile because Daddy always said that if you smile on the outside, you'll smile inside too.

I think I'm going to learn to really like adventures.

I promise this to myself.

Notes: Gahhhh this was the hardest chapter to write, sweet lord, I feel like I need to douse myself in holy water. Here's little Tyree from District 11. There's just… so many things wrong here. I hope you still enjoyed this chapter, and hopefully I didn't completely screw up writing from the perspective of a horribly abused twelve-year old boy. Please let me know what you think, I always appreciate any reviews out there.

On to less horrible things, next chapter we will see Jessamine who's doing just a little better than this guy. We've only got 3 more tributes until we're introduced to everyone, so I'm excited!

Peace and love.