Lavi hadn't seen the woman in a while. He would have preferred meeting again under different circumstances. Lavi had considered asking others for help. He thought better of the idea. Mother would have a calm head about it. The knock inevitably sounded. Standing, Lavi stood from his seat and went to the door. He opened it and found the older woman waiting.
She hadn't changed in the many months he and Allen had left her small sanctuary. Today however, the only difference that blatantly was clear was her more disheveled appearance. Nothing drastic. Mother looked like she hadn't slept much the night before. It showed in her eyes, and the way she held herself. No doubt the reasoning was why she was here.
"I brought you this," she handed a parcel to Lavi. He received it, looking uncertain.
"Where is he?" Mother asked. She spoke more quiet. She scanned the small room. All lights had been dimmed. It was dark.
"Do you have matches?" He nodded, and pulled a pack out of his pants pocket. She took them from his weak grip and on the desk lit the oil lamp. It was evening and any sign of natural light was disappearing. The lamp illuminated the space around itself. She gripped the lamps handle. Turned back to Lavi, she knew it wasn't necessary to repeat her first question. The red head breathed out, slowly. His voice was almost steady.
"He's under the covers. The lights hurt his eyes."
By the edge of the bed, the woman made sure to place the oil lamp close enough that she wouldn't blind the boy with its light. She kneeled. Timcanpy fluttered awake from his place on top of where Allen's head lay under the comforter, on the pillow. Timcanpy, using his teeth, grasped the material and pulled it down. Allen was still sleeping.
"Has he been like this long?" Mother asked. Lavi was still across the room, where he let her in.
"The last couple of days. He hasn't been very responsive to much either." His answers turned monotone. Something he hadn't heard in his voice in a very long time. She was aware, up close now, just how shallow the breaths were. His eyes looking sleep deprived despite the obvious amount of sleep he had been getting (too much to be healthy). Skin tinted ashen (darker than normal).
Mother understood. Lavi had conveyed what he could in his message from Tim. But this was something even he hadn't been able to say, nor write. She shook the sleeping form.
"Allen." He didn't wake. She tried again. He opened his eyes in time and slowly became aware of his surroundings. He managed half of his usual grin. She returned the gesture.
"You've never looked better," she said. Her smile he knew well.
"You still have your sense of humor, even in your old age," Allen joked in return. He didn't try to hide the obvious exhaustion his voice held in magnitude.
"And you still sound like you. I'm glad. Time can be cruel if you let it." Mother said.
"I'd say time won this one," Allen replied, his half-grin dissipating more. She breathed in a deep breath and let it out.
"I know what's going to happen. Lavi doesn't have to tell me, and you don't have to tell me. I've seen more people die, than I've seen born. It doesn't get easier." She heard the door open.
"Don't leave, Lavi. You need to stay." The door closed again. She got a single word response.
"Fine." She went on.
"I'm going to sound like a broken, and very clichè old woman here, but that's why you love me," she chuckled.
Allen let himself smirk. "That's just one of the reasons."
"Some think living is the only way to live. And it's easy to think. It's easy to fear death. Nobody wants to die too fast. I'll ask you this. You too Lavi. What's the first thing that comes to mind about 'living?"
Lavi didn't have to think. He answered, more sure and confident than he had thought he could in the moment: "My friends. Allen. The old man. Laughing. The times together. I'd take the good and the bad."
Allen answered Mother: "My family. Even if we are an odd bunch. Sometimes I wish I could have gone without a few things, but I probably wouldn't have met Lenalee, Lavi. Everyone. A day without Kanda calling me something insulting wouldn't be complete. Komui's mistakes only livened up a place we all ended up calling home. Even Cross was a good memory now that I can appreciate what he did for me." Mother listened and added of her own.
"Without the negative, you wouldn't appreciate what and who you have now. As long as you try and keep moving, we have so many wonderful experiences and in turn make something worth remembering. Because everything isn't perfect, it's possible for us as humans to grow, and realize what is important and what isn't. So even when we run out of time, it's not a bad thing. We've seen so much. We've lived, and taken the risks.
Choosing to live each day is a risk itself. And you Allen, Lavi, have done that. You've loved. You've made friends. You probably did stupid things. You laughed and you cried. The most important answer at the end is whether you are satisfied with the overall story. Are you satisfied?"
Lavi hesitantly, but still, headed to the bed. Mother moved, letting him take her seat on the bed side.
"I'm more than satisfied, I'm happy," Lavi let his emotions break through again. Now was the time to be honest with himself. He grabbed Allen's hands in his, trying to remember what this felt like. He met Allen vertically, their foreheads touching, eyes meeting.
"I wouldn't trade meeting for you even if it meant you got more time. My time with you made it all worth it. I'm sorry I've been distant these last weeks. I didn't want to admit what was happening. But I have Mother and Lenalee and Kanda. Even Komui. If it means you'll be pain free, than I can accept this." Allen smiled. Really smiled.
"I wouldn't trade time either. Everything was just right. Promise you'll keep the others in the loop, keep in touch?" Lavi nodded a 'yes.'
"I'll write them. I'll let them know." Mother had done what she came to do. Give perspective and if possible make goodbye a little easier.
"My doors are open to you Lavi. I am always ready to help you. Just talk to me." She headed to leave.
"Wait." It was Allen.
"Yes Allen?" She grinned. The tables were different. She still remembered saying his name that day he and Marian Cross left. Now it was her turn to leave.
"Thank you Mother."
"Your welcome. And it still suits you. Walker. It's still you." She made sure to close the door softly behind her. Lavi crawled into the small bed from the other side, getting under the comforter.
Tomorrow he would write Kanda and Lenalee. They would inform their other good friends. Miranda and Krory, Timothy, Komui, and Link. Johnny and Reever. Bak and Fou, probably the whole of the Asian branch. Too many people to count. Lavi was happy at the idea. Maybe even Cross. He would write what Mother told them, about time and living. About death.
'We touch more people than we realize. I wish I realized sooner.' In the coming days, Lavi would have to tell the news. Allen Walker was gone. But for now, he was here. And he wouldn't waste this time.
There were a hundred over used adjectives to describe a life lived.
Failings. Rising. Loved. Bends. Surprises. Tears. Laughter; some words were obviously redundant.
Another set of vocabulary ran through their heads.
Happy. Sad. Hardships. Doubtful. Colorful. And satisfied.
This was Allen Walker's reality.
This was Lavi's reality.