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Almost's Lost to Time
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Here's to the two year anniversary of this fic. Missed it with the last update. Cheers for sticking with me this long and I have included a present at the bottom!
"His name is Bucky." Steve's voice sounded above the trio, firm and absolute, the same way he had delivered it to the man in question over an hour ago.
Natasha let a smirk cross her face as she shifted closer to Steve, seeing his fighting spirit return. She uncrossed her arms but maintained her straight back posture.
"We're hoping that the programming is weakening. Since the raid on HYDRA's base two months ago, we've been in possession of the machines they've used to wipe his memories and store him in."
Tony was disgusted by what he heard. He knew that people could be monsters, he was with them for three months, but this took it to a whole new level. To do this to someone for seven decades, constantly bending and shaping a person to your will while taking away any chance of resistance was beyond cruelty. He could only imagine the anger coursing through Rogers' veins right now. He had fire in his veins, he needed to do something, his muscles calling for action in response to his mind trying to distract himself from thinking about those horrific months.
"I want to see the data you've collected so far, then I'll be able to see where you guys screwed up." It was typical Tony, the callous way he demanded the information, but he was brimming with purpose now. He had a new project and Pepper was going to hate him for prolonging his trip to DC. But if this could get his mind off those battleships he had seen in space, he would gladly take it.
So that's how the three Avengers spent the rest of the morning, combing through all the information until Rynan arrived. Nat was looking forward to that confrontation. Her and Stark in the same room, they wouldn't survive.
/
Rynan woke up to a message from Fury calling her in. That in itself was unusual as Nat was usually the one to text her. It had to be important for him to have called her personally.
She made her way to the Triskelion, the sun only just beginning to break through the horizon. She had been busy the past two weeks, between MACUSA being partially destroyed and calming down terrified politicians from doing anything rash, she was exhausted. She did not envy Kingsley right now and what he must be going through.
"Ward," Rynan greeted the agent who joined her in the elevator. "Should've known you would be a SHIELD agent."
"Potter. It's been awhile." Grant greeted back not really sure how the conversation should proceed. "You look good–," He seemed to falter for a second before gathering himself, "I mean, I heard what happened with HYDRA and you seemed to have recovered well."
Rynan had to let out a laugh. Grant was a decent fighter, she had seen him in action back in 2008, but his people skills were severely lacking, not that she was much better. "Thanks. You don't look too bad yourself." The elevator dinged, indicating Rynan's stop. He gave her a strained smile and she only raised an eyebrow as she walked out.
Grant was left wondering how he should take the compliment as he looked at her retreating figure. He flashed back to the first time he met her. It was in Ossetia, four years back. He was there and saw action in the rebellion while Rynan had been sent in as a negotiator since she had helped back in 2004 to calm the tensions that had escalated between the formerly autonomous Ossetia, Georgia, and Russia. It led to the Russo-Georgian War which lasted less than a week. Officially, he had been part of the SHIELD team sent to calm everything down. They were partially successful in their missions. Those had been trying months. Unofficially, he had been sent to ensure the talks did not go through but after being there for a few months, he had to abort the mission as a failure when Rynan came. It was like everything was forgotten and the opposing sides negotiated a ceasefire. He would've blown his cover if he had tried to maintain the fighting. He had conveyed the information to Garrett who had ordered him back. He hadn't seen Potter since. It was surprising that she even remembered him seeing as they had only met for less than a week.
Rynan knew the route to Fury's office by heart, not that it was something she prided herself on. She generally tried to avoid the man. She knocked three times, waiting to be let in. She was surprised to find she wasn't alone; Natasha and two others she recognized from footage of the Battle of New York were already in the office.
"It's not often you call me directly Fury. It must be important if you are want to see me after that threat."
"Forgive me for not putting a lot of faith in your threats but you'll want to hear this. It's time to share some information." He wanted to see her almost less than he wanted to see Stark but she had her usefulness. Better and ally than an enemy. Though she was beginning to grow on him after all these years.
Fury was insufferable, Rynan thought as she rolled her eyes. Nothing ever got under his skin and, yes, her threat had been rather bland but she had been operating on three hours of sleep in a 72 hour period, forgive her for lacking creativity.
Her British accent threw the two Avengers off. They hadn't expected her to be so young or foreign.
"Rynan Potter. Part-time consultant for SHIELD." Rynan held her hand out for the two, who each introduced themselves, all under Fury's intense gaze.
"Tony Stark, part-time superhero, full-time genius." His cocky smile and introduction made Rynan grimace but she knew there was more to him. He did almost sacrifice himself to save New York.
"Steve Rogers, Captain America." Steve politely shook her hand, wondering how exactly this girl knew Bucky. She seemed only a few years younger than him.
"I asked for you because the Winter Soldier was sighted and engaged last night. He managed to get away but now we know he's still in the city. I want to put together a task force to bring him in. All four of you have encountered him so I'm assigning you this mission." Fury let that sink in, knowing an outburst was bound to come from one of the two emotionally invested in the Winter Soldier.
Rynan stood at attention at that news. They had gone so long without any word on HYDRA or James that she was willing to take any piece of information. If he had been sent kill Steve that meant HYDRA was desperate. It was risky, even by their standards. They had to know sending James to a confrontation with his old friend held the risk of his program breaking down completely.
She sucked in a breath in shock. Maybe they had pushed HYDRA into a corner. They had reached desperate levels. What if James had become disposable to them now? Were they hoping they would take each other out? Or did they believe if James knew he was the one to kill Steve, there would be no coming back, he would give up all fighting? They've had years to break him down and if HYDRA had done a fraction of what they had done on him to her, she feared for her old friend.
Despite all that worry, she couldn't stop the eager hope that filled her voice as she turned to the trio and demanded answers. No one had seen James in years, they – she – had nothing to go on. But now, these two in front of her had seen him with their own eyes. They could finally tell her what she had been searching for since she started this mission all these years ago.
Tony waited for Cap to take the question since he was the one to engage his friend but after a period of silence that would become awkward if it lasted any longer, took it upon himself to answer, "He was able to shoot through and damage my suit so I only made it in time to save his ass," he jabbed a finger in Steve's direction, "He took off after that."
Rynan focused her intensity to Steve, waiting for him to continue. Meanwhile, Tony took the time to study this strange girl in front of him. He had been through every file SHIELD had and not once had Rynan Potter popped up. He knew he recognized her name from somewhere though. She definitely wasn't old enough to be one of his one-night stands, definitely wasn't a groupie if her grimace from earlier was anything to go by. She had tried to hide it but he could tell, as far as first impressions go, he hadn't impressed her.
"He didn't recognize me. He didn't even know his own name." It was quiet and Rynan could physically feel the hurt radiating from the man. If it was hard for her she could only imagine the pain Steve Rogers was currently feeling.
She feared as much. It took time for them to get to that stage if she remembered correctly and even after that, he had had trouble piecing memories in order.
"HYDRA has ways of keeping his memories at bay. I imagine their means are rudimentary now but still effective. I'm not sure if meeting you, hearing his name again, will be enough of an emotional trigger for him to start fighting back." She wanted to believe it was. But her conversation with Sam from months ago replayed in her mind. What if James was too far gone? What if she was too late? What if after all this time, the only way to save him was to kill him?
Natasha resisted the urge to step forward. She knew the meaning a name held, knew that was the first thing HYDRA would strip from their weapons. But she couldn't part with how she knew this. Instead, her eyes flickered to Fury, who studied her with a knowing gaze before he too focused on the conversation at hand.
"Wait wait wait…I'm sorry but – can you explain how you even know this?" Tony was skeptical of this girl in front of him, something about her was setting off all his alarms. She was an unknown and until he had gathered every piece of information there was on her, he would not be allowing her to call the shots. Also, from what he saw the night before and the files he went over this morning, the Winter Soldier left no trace so how did she have information on him?
Steve moved a step to the side, putting distance between himself, Tony, and the mysterious Rynan. This also put him closer to the door in case someone tried to escape. He could see that Natasha and Fury trusted his girl but there was just something about her that put him on edge.
Rynan resisted the urge to smack her head. She was with children, all of them. She could see what Rogers was doing, putting enough space between them for Stark to suit up while also putting himself between her and the door and closer to his shield.
"You didn't tell them?" she questioned the SHIELD agents, exasperation lacing her voice. She could just picture the smug face of Fury behind her. He had left it for her to explain so she could deal with the questions and pestering. She once again resisted the urge to flip him the bird, Hermione's voice reproaching her in her mind for unladylike behavior.
Natasha was the one to answer, "It was decided that you would be the best to explain seeing as you know all the details."
Well, looks like it was story time. She didn't care to repeat this in front of an audience, not wanting to air her personal life in front of Stark but willing to for Rogers. He was the only other person who would understand why she did what she did if the reports about him were accurate.
"James was sent to kill me a few years back. Needless to say, it failed, but he did kick my arse." She was able to chuckle at the memory now but she had been sore and in pain for days after that incident. "He retreated and I ran into him here, in the States, a few weeks later and then again back in London. His programming had been compromised. My son had brought forth memories of you and your past together." She didn't want to explain in detail about how James had tried to kill her and almost killed Teddy. It took a lot for her to get over that fear and to trust him with Teddy. She made it sound like she had been okay with it because she knew that the real James would never raise a hand to Teddy but her instincts, in the beginning, had been to keep a constant watch on the man. It was something she knew James would never forgive himself for but she was also thankful that Teddy seemed to have no memory of the event despite how traumatic it had been. He only had good memories of James.
Steve put the pieces together of what she wasn't saying and the mental image that brought made Steve clench his hands. For Bucky to shoot at a kid, HYDRA had truly twisted him.
"When he was able to sort through his memories, he told me Teddy triggered his memory of you," she nodded to Steve. "He didn't remember much of his life before HYDRA but he remembered getting you 'out of fights you had no business being in'. You two had a strong relationship."
She chose to forgo telling them how she also ripped through his mind. She didn't think that would endear her to Rogers nor did she want them knowing about magic just yet.
Tony interrupted her story, moving to uncross his arms as he tried to understand what this girl was saying. "So you just took in a brainwashed assassin from a top secret organization that tried to kill you?" This girl clearly had a death wish or was so far down on the intelligence spectrum that she didn't discern the danger she had been in. She didn't strike him as naïve though.
Rynan's voice turned cold as she addressed him, not taking her eyes from Steve, "I can take care of myself, Mr. Stark. I never would've let him in if I thought he would be a danger to my son." She hated when people assumed she was reckless with her life. She was a mother, she would do anything to protect her child, something people conveniently forget when they criticized her. Her heart-to-heart with Teddy replaying in her mind. She only had one person to convince of her truthfulness and she was staring him dead in the eye.
For his part, Steve kept her gaze. She was the closest he could get to Bucky. He would hear her out.
"It is our belief that James has been able to retain fragments of his memory despite HYDRA's best efforts. My first mission with SHIELD was to take out a Ukrainian HYDRA base that had been supplying weapons to the Iraqi War. I was shot with Soviet slugs, all untraceable."
"Um," Stark rose his hand in a mock question, "I'm not seeing how this means he remembers you? He shot you, Mary McElroy."
Rynan finally turned to Stark to give him a confused look, not understanding why he had called her that name. Regardless, she continued, aware of Stark's…oddities.
"The Winter Soldier never misses a target. Those shots should've been fatal but they weren't." That left the two men wondering where exactly she had been shot, their intrigue raising more and more the longer she spoke.
"Now that we have confirmed he is still in the city, we can use this to our advantage. If he has been able to hold onto a single part of who he is, seeing you should awaken it." There was no definitive here but she wasn't going to lose her faith when they were so close. For all she knows, HYDRA had finally succeeded in breaking James down. There was a chance the James she and Steve once knew no longer existed.
"How did he get his memories back before?" Steve finally questioned Rynan, wondering why they were going off speculation when she had done this before. He could see how much she cared for Bucky, could tell she was leaving out certain parts of her story.
"That's not an option I'm willing to repeat just yet," Rynan answered, her voice leaving no room for argument. Stark didn't know when to stop though. Fury leaned forward, single eye watching everything. He shook his head at Natasha as she moved to intervene. He wanted to see how she handled Stark. He had plans for her and it would be easier if Stark could see Potter wasn't a helpless woman. He wanted to see if she could gain the billionaire's respect as well.
"Clearly what you did before worked so why don't you tell us? See, I just met you, so I'm not willing to take your word for it. And seeing as it was your boyfriend who almost damaged my arc reactor…I'm not exactly taking no as an option," Tony said as he moved closer, using the significant height difference to his advantage in a not so subtle threat.
Rynan wasn't impressed. She had dealt with her fair share of obnoxious rich people and she sure as hell wasn't going to let this one boss her around! "There are some things even the 'privileged' Tony Stark is not privy to. You only need know that I'm the only one who can do it and I won't." She crossed her arm, standing to her full height, resisting the urge to grab her wand and hex the man in front of her. She'd learned long ago how to deal with men like Tony Stark.
With the two in each other's face, the tension was almost visible. Fury reclined in his chair and did nothing; he hadn't really expected Tony and Rynan to have a go at each other so soon but it wasn't unexpected, this was Tony Stark. If anything, she could finally divert her attention to Stark and leave her troublesome ass out of his office. Honestly, this women attracted danger like a bee was attracted to honey. He was wholeheartedly surprised she hadn't been killed yet, given her situation. It was telling, that was for sure, but was it her luck or her ability, that was the question.
Natasha leaned against Fury's desk, watching the proceedings with interest. She wanted to see how Rynan could handle herself right now. She was emotionally compromised yet she was controlling herself better than she had anticipated. If she had learned anything about Rynan after all these years, it was to not underestimate her temper. Popcorn would be nice right about now…and Clint. Unfortunately, her partner had returned home for an extended vacation. Honestly, he deserved it and hopefully time with Laura and the kids would calm his anxiety. She agreed with Fury to let this play out as she could guess the director's plans.
Steve studied Rynan, really studied her. She stood like this was normal, not the least bit intimated as, arguably, one of the most powerful men in the world stared her down. From what he had seen of her thus far, she really cared about Bucky so that begged the question, "Why won't you do it?"
He'd always had a gentle tone of voice, a calm in the storm. He wasn't accusing but a general inquiry. He wanted to know why, if she cared for Bucky, she wouldn't try it.
Rynan turned away from Tony when she heard his question, visibly calming when she looked at the familiar face she had only ever seen in reports, "It wasn't intentional and I'm not sure his mind would survive a second time." She walked away from Tony, towards Fury's window. "It would be like an amnesic with PTSD…coupled with the programming – can you imagine what it would feel like to have all that mixed with bits of who you once were, not knowing if you were a victim or a monster? His mind would surely break."
Everyone was silent as Rynan tried to explain Bucky's mind, intrigue lighting their eyes, Tony already having Jarvis record the conversation.
"The mind is a very delicate place and while it can withstand tremendous amounts of stress, there is no cure for a broken mind." Believe me, I've tried everything, was left silent. The Healers were still conducting research at St. Mungos, her thoughts drifting to Neville's parents still locked away inside that ward.
Tony narrowed his eyes at the British woman, she was hiding something and he would find out what. She talked about the brain like it was something she could manipulate and the only ones capable of doing that at the moment had just attacked them. She just added herself to his newly created suspect list.
"But his mind isn't broken?" Steve allowed hope to enter his voice. It was the first time since he had discovered Bucky was still alive that he allowed himself to believe that his best friend was still out there somewhere.
"No, it's a mess but it's not broken. James is stubborn and resourceful. Even after sixty years, HYDRA couldn't wipe his memory of you. That says a lot about the bond between the two of you," Rynan acknowledged to Steve. She knew their friendship was strong, if not stronger than the Trio's friendship. Nothing could keep them separated. They were also in the same boat and she knew what that little bit of hope could do; it's what's kept her going after all these years. That and the guilt.
Rynan turned her attention back out of the window when she saw the determination enter the Captain's eyes. She remembered how James had reacted when he learned Steve had died. These two would turn heaven and hell over for one another.
"So his memory could be coming back already. And we believe you are an emotional trigger." Natasha supplied to finish Rynan's line of reasoning, pushing herself off the desk, body briefly tensing before she relaxed once again, "If his programming is weakening, you need to find a way to break through completely. You are the closest person to him, the one who knows him best. Make him remember what it felt like to be Bucky Barnes."
Fury took that moment to interrupt, "There isn't a time limit on this mission but I hope you realize the time sensitivity of it. Stark, Agent Romanoff will take you to the data center to comb through any footage from last night. Rogers and Potter, I want you two to create a list of the places Barnes would go. We know he's in the city –"
Fury clenched his jaw as Stark interrupted him, "I hate to ruin this little party but we're operating under the assumption that Barnes is getting his memory back. From what I saw last night, he was acting on HYDRA's orders to kill Cap. His location is probably with HYDRA right now."
Tony stood to the side, waiting for someone to disagree with him, eyes immediately flickering to Rynan who had turned from the window.
"HYDRA wouldn't risk him if it wasn't the last resort plan. They kept him in cryo for a few years because they weren't sure his programming was still operational after they found out I was still alive. They would be cautious to limit his interactions with Steve to a minimum. The fact that they sent him to take Rogers out, I'm only speculating, but this was probably his last mission."
James was becoming a liability to them and sooner or later, she feared, they were going to wipe the slate and accept their losses.
Steve stepped forward, "Where would they send him?"
He couldn't lose Bucky, not again. He would go in solo if need be. It wouldn't be the first time he did to save Bucky.
"The only bases we never reached were the ones in Russia. Barnes spent a few decades in the Kremlin. It's possible the first experiments took place there as well." Natasha supplied, phantom pain coursing through her lower abdomen, old scars flaring up.
"Meaning they have more than one containment unit," Fury interpreted. "Despite our efforts, Russia has shut down every attempt to gain access to these bases. One could assume they are with HYDRA or know of their operations with their lack of cooperation."
"Not everyone can be swayed by your gentlemanly charm, Director." Rynan let the sarcasm coat her voice as she moved from the window to stand by Natasha, addressing the man for the first time since the conversation started.
"Are we approved to operate in Russia if it comes down to it?" Steve questioned, eyes like steel as he ran the conversation through his head continuously, going over every piece of information until it was ingrained in his memory. It didn't matter to him if they had permission or not. If there was even a whisper that Bucky was there, he would cross every border to get to his friend.
Fury shook his head negatively, "Our relationship has deteriorated these last few years. If the Avengers were sent to Russia with no direction, we would have an international incident even your smooth talking, wisecracking mouth, couldn't get us out of Stark."
But he knew there would be no reasoning with Rogers or Potter if there was even a hint of Barnes being back in Russian which was why they needed to get to him before he left the country.
It had taken a few years but they were exactly where Potter had predicted. This young woman just kept surprising him and, despite his attempts not to, was starting to believe that she could really do this.
/
The Winter Soldier was in pain, not physical pain. No, this was the pure anguish of mental torture. His mind…he couldn't make it stop! The flashes of a life he never lived – of a life before all this! It hurt so much, he wanted to claw his brains out.
And that man on the roof…he was in all of these flashes! He may not be able to hold onto the physical memory but he knew one thing: he knew that man. And he was the answer – he could make this pain stop!
He couldn't – these emotions were going to overwhelm him!
Was his name Bucky or the Winter Soldier?
In the midst of his inner turmoil, he sat stoically as they repaired his arm, eyes betraying nothing of the war going on inside…until a name came to him.
"Steve." It was barely a whisper, an involuntary reflex, a memory of crying out that name. It felt right, the man with the shield, Steve. He didn't even notice the tension rise around him at that name, as word was sent to call in his handler.
Steve
Steve
Only his decades of discipline allowed him to listen to the conversation as the blond haired man – his handler – walked in, the doctors nervously dancing around him, tiptoeing as the metal plates shifting to reflect his agitation. They were sending him to Russia that morning to be prepped for cryo and wiped clean.
But he did nothing beyond that, piercing blue eyes – only a shade different from another familiar pair – demanding his cooperation, veiled rage simmering just below the surface.
He would comply, for now.
But the entire time he stared into those eyes, something inside him was telling him not to let them take him to Russia. It felt like his life depended on it at this point.
When the time came, and they were boarding the plane, he put his plan into action. He knew the weakness of every member of his tactical team, knew just where and when to hit. They may not have given him a gun but that was something he didn't need, not with how close the quarters were.
The team sent to escort him was taken out in less than five minutes. He grabbed the nearest suitcase from what looked like a climber and changed into civilian clothes. He was unrecognizable as he actually looked like a person. He took a moment to study himself in the mirror. He couldn't remember the last time he had seen his reflection that it took him a moment to realize the person staring at him was himself. He ran a hand through his shoulder length hair, concluding that it was compromising. Pulling out a ball cap from the climber's bag, he worked on getting every strand under the cap. Satisfied, he hefted the bag onto his shoulder and left the airport with no one the wiser.
He walked past a television in the terminal, the news was still talking about the New York City Invasion and the return of Captain America. He only recognized the name from his last mission but he knew he was important to him, he knew Steve was important to him. He needed to get information.
/
Gift for dealing with this unexpected slow-burn. This is a look a few chapters ahead:
Natasha ignored the text they had sent out and was walking in as they were watching a movie.
Bucky had tensed when he heard the door creak open. Rynan was quick to pull out her wand. When they both turned, Natasha was casually leaning in the doorway, eyeing them up and down. Rynan relaxed back into the sofa, knowing Natasha was meddling.
"I get a text from Rogers telling me you two canceled our plans for today and this is what you're doing? I expected something a little more…less clothing and rolling around." A little something more than the PG cuddling scene she walked in on, that's for sure.
"Sorry, that was last night. Had to take a break at some point." Bucky's devilish smile was on as he fired back at Romanoff just as quick.
"We were – we didn't!" Rynan spluttered, going red in the face.
Bucky let out a chesty chuckle, "Did you come just to see if we were having sex?" He dodged a well aimed slap, using his real hand to intercept and bring the offending appendge to his lips for a kiss to her knuckles.
Natasha lifted a perfect eyebrow at the accusation and affectionate display.
"I actually brought lunch. If you two were busy, I figured you wouldn't have time to make something."
In reality, it was only part of the reason she was here. When Steve had told her where Bucky had gone yesterday she wasn't sure if he was mentally okay after that, especially after both of them canceled their plans. She was here for support if needed.
Rynan untangled herself from the blankets to grab the bags. "You're a saint, Nat!" She moved to put the bags of food on the table. Natasha studied Bucky while Rynan was gone. He seemed lighter.
"So, do I pass your inspection?" Bucky was studying her now. "I know how you work Natalia. And thanks for checking."
They both knew he was thanking her for more than that but they pretended neither noticed, which was all too easy for the both of them now.
"I've got a wager with Stark I plan on cashing in on, that's all."
Bucky shook his head, dropping the subject as Rynan came back. Natasha backed out, waving her good-byes to the two.
"Try not to cancel tomorrow. We have to discuss strategies and deployments."