A/N: Please note, this is a flashback chapter but there isn't a date at the top like the other flashbacks because it skips around in time. Please enjoy!

Shin never wanted to be the golden child.

Anyone observing their family would come to the conclusion that Katashi loved Shin. But Shin knew the truth. His father would look at him with pride, but it wasn't as glowing as the look he gave his own reflection. Still, to bolster his image, Katashi would tell anyone who would listen all about Shin's great accomplishments. "My boy aced every exam at Kaisei." "My oldest is well on his way to becoming a doctor - no, chief of staff, just like his old man." "Shin's going to take the hospital's intern entrance exam as soon as he's old enough."

When listeners would look at Shin in awe, and Katashi would draw himself up proudly, Shin donned that easy, confident, practiced smile. "I couldn't have done it without my dad's help," he said, which he knew would make Katashi happy.

Katashi liked to show Shin off. He took him to work, to his conferences; anywhere there would be people who would eye him like something fascinating on display. Like he was a piece of artwork someone else had crafted to perfection. Like he was a show dog, specifically bred, trained, and groomed to perform, to do as he was told.

His father was full of contradictions. Shin had to be perfect, but never upstage him. He wanted Shin to take over his hospital, but only when the time was right. He ordered Shin not to bother with Jyou, but wouldn't take the time to parent him himself. Shin took that role selflessly. It was perhaps the one aspect in his life where he outright disobeyed his father.

Shin loved Jyou. He wanted him to grow up healthy and remain talkative and happy, free from their father's toxicity. But there was only so much he could do to protect him. Katashi watched Jyou carefully and looked for any opportunity to berate him. It could be anything - the way he held his chopsticks, the way he organized his room, the way he dressed. If Katashi was in a bad mood, Jyou was an easy target, and used Jyou's misery to uplift himself. It wasn't long before Shin's admiration for his father soured into hatred. He told Jyou not to listen to his father's harsh words, but as the years went on, the less Jyou talked, the less he smiled. He fretted over the smallest things, chewed his nails to the quick, voiced his worries rather than the things he used to be excited about, such as reading novels. He jumped at small noises. He was terrified of the future.

Worse yet, Katashi loved exploiting these flaws. Perhaps he didn't know he had caused them - perhaps he did and didn't care. He would drag his three sons to important events at a moment's notice and relished in Jyou's anxiety, which only gave him more opportunities to needle him. There was that strange day, when Jyou was quite young, when he visited Sora in Hikarigaoka and there had been some sort of attack on the street below the apartment complex. A terrorist bombing, the news had told them. Shin didn't know what to think - no group claimed credit, no one had seen any bombs or weapons, and they had struck an empty street in the dead of the night, when everyone was sound asleep.

But little Jyou insisted he had seen monsters that night. He described them to Shin in strangely vivid detail as Shin tried to concentrate on his statistics text. "One of them was a big green parrot monster," he said, his eyes shining behind his new glasses, "and the other a dinosaur. It breathed fire. And me and Sora saw -"

"There were no monsters!" their father snapped from his armchair in the living room. Katashi always made sure to scold him whenever Jyou mentioned the monsters. He seemed to hate the idea that Jyou might have an imagination.

But perhaps Jyou's most unforgivable flaw, in Katashi's eyes, was his fear of blood.

A couple years later, Jyou had to leave the conference hall when the Katashi's medical community gave a presentation about blood transfusions. When the projector displayed someone with a needle in his arm and red liquid transferring along a clear tube, Jyou asked Shin to escort him outside. "We're doctors," Katashi snapped at Jyou once they had reunited in the building. "How the hell can you expect to help anyone when you're afraid of blood? You're a coward. We'll talk about this later - I can't believe you humiliated me at this conference. And how dare you drag Shin down with you!"

"Don't worry about it," he told a miserable-looking Jyou once they were outside again. Shin had hoped the fresh air would help him clear his head, but now he just looked cold as well as melancholy. "You know how he is. Everyone envied you for getting out of that boring conference. Well done."

"But he's right," Jyou said. He fidgeted with his fingers. Shin's eyes zeroed in on the movement. He had gotten a lot more fidgety lately.

"He's right? About what?"

His little brother ducked his head. "He said I'm a coward. He's - isn't he right about that?"

Shin stared at him. Even though he knew it was inevitable, he had hoped Jyou had a few years left before he started taking his father's words to heart. But his insults and barbs had already reached him, despite everything Shin had done to protect him. "No. No, he's not right," he said flatly. "He's a miserable bastard who's only happy when other people are sad. Who the hell takes his kids to a medical conference anyway?"

"But I couldn't even get through the - the stupid blood presentation."

"Lots of people are afraid of blood, especially when they're young. It's really not a big deal."

Jyou hugged his upper arms and said nothing more.

Shin wanted to do more. He wished he could adopt Jyou himself and take him far away from the oppressive Kido estate. But as the years went on, Shin's time became more and more compromised.

His father wanted Shin to excel at that intern entrance exam at his hospital. "He'll be the youngest person ever to ace the test," Katashi told anyone who would listen. "He's almost ready. Just wait, he's going to do brilliantly."

The problem with this was that Katashi had told everyone Shin was going to succeed before he had any idea what was on the test. His father made it no secret that a lot rode on Shin excelling; his pride, of course, the most important. He would pop into his room at random times. "You're studying, right?" "Skip the stupid club. You have studying to do." "No, you're not going to your friend's house, you're attending this presentation on blood disorders. Something like this will be on the test, no doubt."

With Shin's time so manipulated, it left Jyou at the mercy of Katashi's insults and barbs, brought on by the stress of Shin's test results. "Try to spend as much time at Sora-chan or Yamato-kun's apartments as you can," Shin told Jyou after witnessing a particularly bad one-sided screaming match between Katashi and Jyou. In his nervous state, Jyou had dropped a plate on the hardwood floor of the dining room. Before the housekeepers had finished cleaning up the broken pieces, Katashi had screamed himself hoarse at Jyou, tearing apart his character until Jyou looked like he might cry. Tears would only make things worse.

Jyou was so ashamed he wouldn't met his gaze. Shin hated seeing his brother this way, hated seeing the bruised look in his eyes, his broken spirit, and the shadow of the happy, talkative kid he used to be. He missed the kid who would talk endlessly about his novels or play D&D with Shin and his friends. "I d-don't want…to um…bother them."

His stammer was coming back. Shin hoped he wouldn't do this in front of Katashi, or it would mean more hours of grueling speech therapy sessions. "Your friends love you. You don't have anything to worry about. Spend time with them and just…just try to stay out of his way, okay?"

But it was easier said than done. As the date of the medical entrance exam loomed closer, Shin lost sleep. He barely ate, his mind too focused on the exam. Katashi looked for any excuse to tear Jyou apart, and with Shin so stressed, his legendary confidence fragmented and his focus shattered, there was only so much he could do for him.

Shin knew things were bad when even he lost his patience with Jyou.

It was one of those days at the Kido estate where Katashi had his coworkers over, or people he was looking to impress, or something - Shin hadn't even been listening when his buddies introduced themselves, he just wore a plastic smile and went through the motions. Then all three sons were made to sit in the living room like trophies Katashi had created and polished himself while their father and his coworkers swapped child-rearing stories. Of course all of them had wives to help out and Katashi did not, which he loved to point out and soak in the pity. Shin grit his teeth. As the oldest, he could still clearly picture their mother in his mind's eye. She would be ashamed if she could see her family now.

Shuu made a rare appearance. His face expressionless and disinterested as usual, he ignored their father's quip that he had emerged at last from his cave. He sat silently between Shin and Jyou, ready to play his part to yield his father as much sympathy and attention as possible.

Katashi and his groupies told stories about which of their kids cried the most. Shin's heart sank. He knew he was waiting for an opportunity to tear into Jyou, and predictably, he leapt upon it at the first opportunity. "It lasted until he was almost school age," his father complained. "I kept having to go in and pick him up and comfort him. Over and over again. That's why my back is messed up now," he added, and his followers reacted with the correct amount of sympathy.

Shin wanted to reach for Jyou's hand and offer the smallest bit of comfort he could, but with Shuu between them, he couldn't reach. He leaned back in his chair and tried to catch Jyou's eye.

What he found surprised him. His little brother sat with perfect posture, back straight and hands in his lap, trying to look like the perfect picture of excellent breeding and wealth, but he looked furious. His dark eyes had hardened and his lips drew back. "That's not true," Jyou burst out suddenly. "You never did that. It was always Shin."

Icy shock jolted through his veins. Shin's jaw dropped. He was so utterly thunderstruck he couldn't string two thoughts together.

A terrible silence resonated throughout the room.

The coworkers looked nervously at Katashi, unsure how to react. A couple of them even cracked smiles. Perhaps they had seen through Katashi's charm; Shin wouldn't be surprised if they offered him attention and sympathy for the sake of their careers. Shin forced himself to look at his father. Katashi's face could have been carved from stone had it not been for its quickly changing color - white, purple, and finally red.

Jyou went very tense. Blanched and frightened, Jyou spared a glance at his older brothers. A tiny smile tugged at Shuu's lips, but when Jyou met Shin's gaze, he cringed. Shin had no idea what his face looked like but it couldn't have been reassuring.

Katashi cleared his sons out of the room posthaste. Shin knew he wanted to throw a tantrum but couldn't do it in front of his coworkers. Shuu was flat-out grinning at this point, which only made their father angrier. Their father ushered them upstairs, gave Jyou a look of pure loathing, and returned to his guests.

The three brothers stood on the landing in silence. A distant keen rang in Shin's ears, spiking through his head like a nail. He couldn't believe this. He couldn't believe Jyou had done that. Why was he making things so much more difficult for him? Why would he incense their father's wrath? That had been such a supremely stupid thing to do. His head pounded and he rubbed at the center of his forehead, scowling as a stress headache began to chisel its way through his skull.

He didn't know what possessed his little brother to speak up in Shin's defense, but he desperately wished he hadn't. His sour emotions burst out. "What were you thinking?" he snapped into the silence; Jyou jumped. "I can't protect you if you go and say stupid shit like that! You knew it would make him angry! You need to learn when to shut up!"

He seized Jyou's bony shoulders and shook them. All at once, Shin seemed to realize what he was doing - perhaps it was Jyou's wide, shocked eyes, perhaps it was the fact that he heard his father's voice behind his words. Shin released Jyou at once.

Turning away, he tried to apologize, but the words sounded hollow. Shame left him feeling cold and raw.

Shin could feel Jyou's eyes burning into his back. "Onii-san…"

"Go to bed," Shin said firmly. "I'll come talk to you later."

"He was saying he did stuff you actually did. It wasn't fair."

His temper got the best of him again. "And we'll pay for it later, won't we?"

It was a harsh thing to say. Of course, Jyou would be the one facing Katashi's wrath. Their father would come to Shin's room later, complaining about Jyou's insolent, lying mouth and fishing for comfort, and Shin would have to grit his teeth and agree with him. It was just easier that way.

You're just enabling him, a voice whispered in the back of his mind, but Shin ignored it. He had to do it. What else was there?

The days wore on. Shin caught himself falling asleep in class. During a physical exam, he found he had lost nearly ten pounds, which was significant on his already slender frame. "I'm losing my mind," he told his friend Isamu one day as they walked home together. "This test is all I can think about. I have to pass it to keep him happy, but God - I'm really losing it, and Jyou…I can't protect him like I used to."

"Jyou-kun will have to learn to stand on his own feet sooner or later," Isamu said, his nose in a book and only half listening. "He can't rely on you forever."

Shin exhaled sharply. "I know that, but…I just don't think he's ready. It won't be anytime soon, you know? He's - he's not strong. He has no confidence and - he's too scared." It pained him to admit it, but Katashi was right. Jyou had absolutely no spine, but Shin couldn't blame him.

"He can't hold you back from living your life."

"He's not!" Shin snapped. At Isamu's steady gaze, he hesitated. "Maybe he is… God, maybe I've been working so hard to protect him all these years, I've actually done him a disservice. But what was I supposed to do?! Just let our father insult him every chance he gets? I even yelled at Jyou the other day. I have never done anything like that before. If you had seen the look on his face…"

"You yelled at him?"

"Yes! And you know what? I sounded just like our dad. It was awful."

Shin rubbed his temples, trying to ignore the pounding headache. Isamu peered at him. "Shin, are you all right? You really don't look well."

"It's stress," he muttered. He looked down at himself, his bone-thin wrists and the belt he'd had to add to his school uniform because his pants were suddenly too big. "I know, I look terrible. But as soon as this exam is over, things should go back to normal. I can spend time with Jyou and keep our father away from him. All I'll have to worry about are the college entrance exams, and I've aced enough mock tests that I'm sure I'll do fine."

Isamu fell silent. Shin watched him nervously; he had no idea what was going through his head. He had always been so difficult to read, unlike Jyou. Just when Shin began to worry if he believed he wouldn't pass, he said suddenly, "This is only going to get worse."

"What?" Shin's head jerked up. "No, once this exam is done -"

"Shin. No. First it's the exam, then it's every class you take in college, then medical school, and so on. It's never going to end."

Shin swallowed several times. "I - I don't know, I mean, at some point he's going to trust that I can do it without his - "

"I think you already know that's not true." Isamu looked him in the eyes. "He's never going to stop seeing your accomplishments as his own."

He gripped the straps of his backpack, struggling to find words.

But his friend spoke first. "What if you just left?"

Shin gaped at him. "What?"

His friend squared his shoulders, undeterred by his outrage. "Shin, I don't think this situation is going to get any better. I've never seen you so stressed and miserable. You're even neglecting your health. You can't be your dad's golden child on top of being Jyou's parent. It just isn't going to work."

His temper snapped. How dare he suggest he couldn't do both of his duties perfectly. "So - what? You're saying I run away? Leave Jyou defenseless?"

"He's getting too old to rely on you," Isamu pointed out. "You need to do what's best for you. Answer me honestly: do you want to take over Katashi-san's hospital?"

His affirmative reply became stuck in his throat, and Shin swallowed hard. He wanted so badly to say he desired this path. But science held his interest, and as much as he enjoyed helping others, he wanted to be a researcher. "No," he admitted at last.

Isamu nodded, unsurprised. "Your family has enough money for you to study abroad. And you have enough time to apply. Why don't you give it a shot and see if you get in?"

"It seems so selfish," he said in a small voice. "Leaving to start a new life somewhere far away - Jyou needs me. I've been his only real support in that house. It isn't fair to leave him behind."

Isamu shrugged. "Then take him with you."

He churned his words around in his head, thought hard, considering and weighing the options. Finally, Shin said, "It wouldn't work. He would be too scared. Starting over in a new country, leaving his friends and everything he knows behind - it would be terrible for him."

"Okay, then don't take him."

"But - leaving him here alone seems so much worse. And my father would do everything he could to bring me back."

"Yeah, but do you think your dad will risk the embarrassment by telling anyone his favorite kid ran away?"

Shin thought about it. Katashi would never do anything that reflected negatively on his image, and reporting his missing kid would definitely paint him in a negative light. Unless he somehow made it seem like Shin had been kidnapped and milked the situation for sympathy? He wouldn't put it past him.

"I would have to make it clear I left on purpose," he said, thinking out loud. "So he couldn't twist the situation around for pity. God. This idea is sounding better and better. I think this is something I've needed to do for a long time, but I couldn't bring myself to even consider it."

"You're welcome."

"I'll have to see how I do on the exam at the hospital," Shin said slowly. "And see how he reacts. Then I'll make a decision from there."

His exam results came back a month later. He had aced it.

In his lavish office, Katashi read over the results with a huge grin on his face. Shin waited in the chair across from his antique desk. Without saying a word to him, Katashi picked up his phone and dialed. "Nokomura-san? I just wanted to tell you - Shin passed. He passed! Perfect marks. I know, I expected nothing less."

He called a few more people. Then a few more. Shin waited, fidgeting in his chair. The relieved but exhausted smile slipped from his face.

When Katashi slammed the phone down at last, he narrowed his eyes at Shin. "The next step is med school. Get into Tokyo Medical."

He rubbed his hands together and eyed the phone, clearly thinking about everyone he would be able to brag to once Shin was accepted.

Shin sat rooted to the spot.

He thought about what might happen if he told him exactly what he was feeling. Briefly, he considered just opening his mouth and explaining that he didn't want to be a doctor, he wanted to go into the sciences and be a researcher, perhaps studying genetics. He could show him the recent advancements in stem cell research and how much it fascinated him, make him understand how badly he wanted to do something like that.

Would there be any point? Would he listen?

Shin didn't know. He didn't know, but he had to try.

His father sat across from him, eyeing him with a trace of impatience. His hand still gripped the receiver. When he was younger, Shin used to believe his father was powerful and invincible. He was worthy of the proud persona he projected; back then it wasn't just a persona, it was the way he truly was, charismatic and intelligent and strong. It wasn't until years later Shin realized the truth. He wore a mask of self-importance and would bully anyone who contradicted his high opinion of himself. He saw it everyday in the way he interacted with Jyou. Now, he was a pudgy, beady-eyed bully who couldn't handle being wrong, who couldn't handle any deviation from his comfortable norm.

He had always praised Shin. Told him he was exceptional, that he was better than the others. That he loved him. He never said he loved Jyou. If he truly loved Shin, he would consider that Shin's path might differ from the one he had laid out for him. He might even entertain the possibility. That was what parents did, right?

While he knew Katashi was far from a normal parent, Shin had to try. "I want to study genetics," he said.

His mouth slackened and the blood drained from his face. Slowly, he withdrew his hand from the phone and tightened it into a fist. "You what?" he hissed through bared teeth, eyes unblinking, staring wide-eyed through him.

Shin felt a ripple of fear. This must have been how Jyou felt every time Katashi rounded on him, every time he chastised him for every innocuous mistake. And you're thinking of leaving him at his mercy, a small voice whispered in his ear.

"I want to study genetics. While I like medicine, I'm more interested in stem cells and genome sequencing, and I'd like to someday be a researcher, not a doctor."

"You're going to be a doctor, like me." Katashi's voice was a low rumble, buzzing with unleashed rage. "You're going to do everything I did and do it perfectly because I already told everyone you can do it, and do you know how that will make me look if you fail? Do you understand that?"

Shin said nothing.

Katashi's fist slammed against the desk. "Damn it! Are you just being funny, telling one of your jokes? You know what this means to me. You know I have a lot riding on this. After everything I've done for you, you're thinking of just throwing it away?"

Something clicked into place. Shin looked him in the eyes. "No," he said calmly. "No, I'm not. Forget I said anything."

"I've done so much for you. You owe me. I paid for your extra lessons, wrote you recommendation letters, even pulled some strings to get you to take those exams - this is what you're doing to repay me?"

Shin felt strangely numb. His facial muscles twitched into a smile, and even in the midst of his father's tantrum, he was curiously calm. "You're right. I apologize for upsetting you."

"You'd better do more than apologize. I want to see you excel. That's the only reason I'm doing this."

"You won't be disappointed," he said.

"Good. No more talk of going into the sciences."

"No more," Shin agreed.

Katashi sent him a withering look. "Well, what are you waiting for? You have work to do! Get a move on!"

Without speaking a word, Shin got up and left his father's office. His mind was made up. He applied to Oxford University that night.

Months later, an acceptance letter arrived in Shin's private PO box. He visited Jyou in his bedroom with the letter tucked in his back pocket. His little brother read a textbook in bed. Shin watched him, suddenly thrown back in time. The two of them sat huddled, Shin reading him a book aloud, a tiny Jyou tucked under his arm, entranced by the story.

Guilt prodded at him, adding to his already pounding headache. Conflict warred inside him. How can I just leave him? He looks up to me. I'm more of a parent than our dad is. No - no, I have to go. This is what's best for me. But is it worth it at his expense? He's going to hate me!

Jyou gave him a side-eye look. "Um, did you want something or are you just here to stare for some reason?"

He swallowed a sigh. Well, it was no mystery where Jyou had acquired his dry sense of humor. "Calculus, Jyou? Really?"

"Dad says it's good to look at subjects beyond your level," he said primly. He was twelve now and had already begun to grow out a bit. Shin remembered being gangly at that age too. Jyou was looking more and more like their mother each passing year; same long, narrow face and expressive eyes.

Shin didn't like how easily Jyou parroted their father's advice. It wasn't so long ago Shin had been like that.

"But do you enjoy it?" he asked after a pause.

Jyou tipped his head. "Huh? Enjoy it? You mean calculus?"

"Studying. In general."

He blinked. It was clear he had never given it much thought. "I don't know."

Yeah, I thought so. Shin gave him a tight-lipped smile.

After years of navigating his brother's anxiety, he knew from experience he couldn't phrase his next words ominously, or it could send him into a panic. It was best to say it outright. "Jyou, listen. I'm leaving."

Stunned silence. The color drained from his face. As his little brother stared at him in something beyond shock, Shin's heart wrenched and he did his best to explain himself. "I'm so sorry, but I need to do this. It's what's best for me, and sometimes a man needs to be selfish. I just wish it didn't come at your expense."

White-faced and hugging his knees, Jyou looked small and scrawny in his striped pajamas. "But - why?"

"Jyou. You had to have noticed it. I'm not happy here." Shin took a deep, steadying breath. "This environment isn't… I'm not growing as a person. I'm suffocating, and you are too. I'm so, so sorry I won't be able to do much for you when I leave. I won't be able to be a buffer when Dad gets angry at you for stupid reasons. And I know Shuu will be no help." As Jyou sputtered and stammered, Shin pulled him into a hug. "I'm so sorry if things get worse. Just - promise me, little brother. Promise me you'll find something you enjoy doing, okay? Something that makes you happy. And it can't be studying."

He pulled back and looked into his eyes. Shin could see the confusion marring his thin face, and his heart sank. His father had gotten his claws sunk so far into his brother's spirit he no longer understood doing things for himself.

Shin remembered being like that. He hated seeing Jyou turn out the same way. His brother used to enjoy tabletop games and fiction novels, particularly science fiction and fantasy. He hadn't seen him read anything other than a textbook in years. Shin swallowed as his throat closed in. "I'll buy you some new books," he said with a wavering voice. He hugged his brother tighter. "Don't forget how much you love to read, okay?"

When the time came, he wanted so badly to take Jyou with him. But he knew his brother well. Abandoning his home and everyone he knew to start a new life halfway across the world was not what he needed. It hurt Shin to leave him behind. He knew he was condemning Jyou to facing their father's wrath alone, but Shin could not stand another minute in that house, and Jyou couldn't come with him. Shin was selfish for once in his life and put himself first. He went to England alone and did not look back. The perfect show dog had run away.

A/N: Possibly an unnecessary chapter but still fun to see more of these characters' backgrounds.

Next time: Jyou hangs out with Sora and Yamato some more at camp. Thank you for reading!