It was either the longest or the shortest five minutes of Zoran's life. His fear and anxiety regarding what he could find out, mixed with the resistance from Zoisite inside of him, were making the time fly. His excitement about a new phase of his life, new understanding, was making the time seem to crawl by. By the time a knock came on the door, Zoran was pretty sure he was going to vomit.
Nooo, the voice repeated. There had been a litany of no's since Jacob sent to text to Mamoru to have him head over. Zoran debated on trying to talk directly to Zoisite during this time. However, every time he even thought about addressing that presence, he felt the presence put up the wall again. Zoisite was clearly even less interested in talking with Zoran than with Mamoru.
Jacob, who had graciously allowed silence to reign since sending the message, pushed himself up from his chair. Zoran was grateful the other man took the initiative; he wasn't sure he could convince himself to open the door. He wanted to think that Zoisite had taken control of his body again, not allowing him to move, though it was far more likely that his anxiety had gotten the better of him.
When Mamoru come into view from the hallway, he experienced that same punch to the gut that he had experienced every time he'd seen the man from a far. He found himself growing more nervous than excited. Zoisite began reinforcing the wall in his head, though some of the tension still radiated from that area and caused Zoran's anxiety to spike even higher.
"Hi," Mamoru stopped across from him and gave an easy smile. "I'm Mamoru."
"Zoran," Zoran muttered. "It's… uh… nice to finally meet you?"
The sentence had come out as more of a question than a statement. Zoran was suddenly really unsure whether or not he had made the right decision. He wanted to think that he had. However, the need to escape was building and he wasn't sure how he could get out of the situation now that he'd set everything in motion. His eyes flashed towards the closet where he'd moved his backpack. It still had enough for him to survive. He didn't really need extra clothes.
"I'm glad we can finally talk," Mamoru responded, his good-natured smile staying in place. The calm in the man's voice eased some of the need to run.
Silence fell for a moment before Zoran finally found his voice again, "So… how does this work?"
"Well, there's not really a formula for this yet. We're adjusting as we go," he glanced up at Jacob. "We could start with a story?"
Jacob nodded, "That helped. Touching Rei… not so much. We're going to skip that part."
Zoran almost smiled at the lightness in Jacob's tone. He could tell the other man was trying to help put him at east. It was definitely helping to know Jacob had been through this himself and they were clearly trying to learn from their previous experience. If there was one thing that Zoran wasn't in a rush to do, it was touch Ami again. At least, not until he was sure what was going on with his body and that he wouldn't immediately begin losing his most recent meal.
"Okay," Zoran agreed and motioned for Mamoru to take the other chair in the room before returning to his perch on the couch.
Mamoru's story started like a fairy tale and got more unbelievable the longer he talked. How was he supposed to believe all of this? Kingdoms throughout the solar system and magic powers. Princes and Princesses. Zoran couldn't imagine what this had to do with him, with his lost memories. Such a story couldn't possibly hold any relevance to what had happened to him. Were they playing a joke on him?
He wanted to believe that they were. He could almost convince himself that they were going to start laughing any moment. Except, Zoisite was growing increasingly restless. The pain had turned to irritation and irritation to anger. The more Mamoru spoke, the more those walls that contained Zoisite's emotions crumbled. The more overwhelming those feelings became.
If this mean nothing, Zoisite wouldn't be responding so viciously to the information.
"Is this relevant to me?" Zoran finally asked, growing more uncomfortable with the conversation as it continued.
Mamoru paused and looked at Jacob for a second. When Jacob nodded again, Mamoru continued, "Maybe the rest is better remembered."
Mamoru reached out a hand.
No, no, no, Zoisite repeated and the walls started coming down as the other presence started fighting for purchase inside his head. The tingling began. This is where something really began, where everything would surely change. This is what Zoisite had been fearing and Zoran had been hoping for.
The struggle in his mind alarmed him and his eyes shot towards Jacob for reassurance. The man nodded again and gave a reassuring smile. Zoran took a breath. He could trust Jacob. He was confused about a lot of things right now, but if Jacob thought this was okay then it had to be okay. Khaled was worried about protecting him from whatever this truth was, which is why he didn't approve of this. Jacob believed that he could handle whatever was to come. That helped Zoran find his courage again.
Please don't touch him, the voice begged one last time. It sounded so desperate, almost broken.
Stealing his resolve, Zoran reached forward towards Mamoru. When Mamoru gripped his forearm, he did the same. Their gazes met and Mamoru smiled, "It's time to come home."
The memories flooded with very little warning. He saw it all so clearly in his head, every piece of that unbelievable story Mamoru had told him. He saw more. The castle, the gardens. Zoisite arguing with Jadeite and Nephrite. The Prince teasing as much as his guards. Kunzite throwing a sword towards Zoisite, demanding that he try again. The first time Zoisite laid eyes on the princess from Mercury. The witch whispering in his ear, convincing him of the deceit of the Moon Kingdom. The anger in Mercury's eyes when Zoisite attacked. The light leaving her eyes as she died.
Everything was so vivid. The screams in his ears. The smell of smoke and burning flesh. The bright flames. The taste of his own blood. The pain in his chest from where Mercury had managed to land one last blow.
He vaguely realized his knees had hit the plush carpet and his forehead followed soon after. He could hear the two other men moving around him. Hands touched his shoulders, gentle and soothing. They were worried. He could tell from their tones of voice. But, he didn't respond. He couldn't. There was too much going on, too much to remember. Too much to mourn.
"Zoran, look at us. Talk to us," Jacob's voice was low, soothing. "I know it's hard to see. But, look past the initial guilt, the immediate pain. There's more to remember there, too."
"STOP!" the words burst through and Zoran felt himself mentally thrown back for a second time. The walls began to build again, but it wasn't keeping Zoran out this time. It was keeping Zoran in. It was keeping him safe. Zoisite wrestled all control away, "Stop."
Mamoru studied him for a minute, "Zoisite?"
Zoran sensed no surprise from Zoisite that Mamoru had known it was him so quickly. Mamoru seemed to be able to sense things from them. Of course, Zoran thought, he's my prince. They were all connected. It was why he'd always been able to sense their presence and they had been able to sense his. The were tied together by fate… destiny… whatever you wanted to call it.
"Just stop," Zoisite repeated. "He's just a child."
I'm not a child, Zoran murmured half-heartedly, but Zoisite ignored his protests. Zoran didn't fight for control. He didn't want it. He wanted to stay back behind these walls, where the pain seemed easier to bear and the memories felt like they belonged to someone else.
"You weren't much older when you entered my guard," Mamoru responded.
"That's different. I was trained for that. I spent my entire life training to join the Prince's army," Zoisite snapped. "Even then, I wasn't strong enough for the job. I failed. He hasn't prepared for any of this. Get out."
"Where is Zoran?" Jacob asked, leaning close as though he hoped to catch something of his friend in Zoisite's gaze.
"He's safe. He's here," Zoisite paused, turning his attention inward towards Zoran. Zoran pushed the wall higher, trying to keep Zoisite from reaching towards him, from pushing him back to have to deal with any of this. "He's… not ready. You should go."
"Zoisite…" Mamoru began but Zoisite's sharp look halted him. "We'll check on him later. Zoran, we're all here for you."
Jacob hesitated, "Zoran, it hurts but you'll understand. As long as Zoisite can help guide you."
The two men rose, sending one last look at their friend. Zoisite glared again, making his wishes clear.
"You need time," Zoisite murmured once the men had left. "I am here. Don't take the guilt on yourself. They were my mistakes. You never should have been made to endure them."
Zoran shuddered behind his wall, allowing pieces to crumble away, "How could you have done it?"
Zoisite took a deep breath and Zoran could feel it move through his lungs, even though he had no control over his body. He wondered if this was Zoisite had always felt, connected but out of control. Zoran wasn't sure he minded it so much, at least not now.
"You heard her," Zoisite responded, closing his eyes and letting the memories play out before them both. "She was so convincing. Melite had always been so… aloof."
"That's no excuse," Zoran mumbled, allowing the memory to shift and become something new, something earlier. Melite, Zoisite's Mercury, blushed as Zoisite leaned over her book, pressing his face close to hers.
"No," Zoisite whispered, watching the memory play out. "No, there are no excuses."