Jacob

Jacob pulled up to Bella's house to see Edward getting out of a car. He recognized the driver as the kid Bella called Eric. Edward's ex. He tried not to assume anything when he went inside. Edward was taking his time with his shoes and coat when Jacob came in.

"Hey," Jacob said. He couldn't help the rush of warmth he felt, just being around Edward.

"Hi," Edward said. "Can we talk?"

"Sure, just let me put these in the kitchen," Jacob picked up a couple of paper grocery bags.

"What'd you get?" Edward asked, following him.

"Well, you said that you struggled with most food besides white stuff. So I thought if you had some options, then you might be willing to have dinner with me," Jacob said. He set the bags on the counter.

"You did that for me?" Edward asked.

"Well, yeah. It's not like you gave me that hard of a list to follow." He put the stuff away, and then followed Edward into the bedroom. "What did you want to talk about?"

"I just… I guess I thought when you left, that that was it. That you had enough." Jacob took a deep breath, and then he looked at Edward quizzically.

"You really don't get it, do you? Edward, I've seen bad people. I've seen what they do and how they behave. Why do you keep acting like you're one of them? So you have an eating disorder. And depression. And a shitty home life. But none of those things makes you any less of a person. Honestly, I'm not sure why I care about you, but do I really need a reason? Sam and Embry and Jared have told me for ages that if I want something, I need to go for it. And unless that affection is unwanted, then not to let it go. And from what I can tell, my affection for you isn't unwanted. Is it?"

"Of course it's wanted," Edward said with a sigh.

"Well, good. But that doesn't answer my question. Why do you think you're a bad person? Because you aren't."

Bella

Bella's phone rang, and she gave a sort of double take when she saw Edward's name on the screen.

"Hello?" She said. Wasn't Edward in the other room with Jacob.

"Bella? It's Eric. Please don't hang up."

"What are you doing with Edward's phone?"

"He left it in my car. Look, I need to talk to you," Eric said.

"Then talk," she all but snapped. What the hell was Edward doing with Eric?

"We talked, and he told me something that, if I know him, I'm pretty sure he hasn't told anyone else."

"What exactly would he tell you that he hasn't told me? He trusts me a hell of a lot more than he trusts you." Eric sighed in exasperation.

"Look, I'm trying to help him here," he said. Edward told me that he blames himself for the death of someone named Brady. His boyfriend, right?"

"We knew that," Bella said. "But he's wrong. Brady died because of a heart condition."

"Did you know that Edward thinks he gave Brady pneumonia?" Bella's heart dropped like a stone. "He's convinced that he's toxic and he's going to hurt everyone he gets close to. It's tearing him apart, because I think he really likes this new guy. I can see it in him. He was never hard to read, and when he thinks he's going to hurt someone-"

"He pulls away to protect the people he cares about," she finished. "I have to go." She paused, and then put the phone back up to her ear. "And Eric? Thanks." She hung up, and a second later, she was dialing another number. "Emmett, hey, it's Bella. Listen, does Esme still have a copy of Brady's medical records? Great! Can you fax it over to me? Yeah, the whole thing." She rattled off the fax number, and a minute later, the machine buzzed to life. "Thanks." She hung up, and wet to the machine. She scanned each page for what she was looking for. There it was on the summary page - "Patient exhibits Hospital-Acquired Pneumonia. Tests confirmed the diagnosis." She closed her eyes, and held the paper for a moment. If what Eric said was true, and she was fairly certain it was, then this was the answer. This was why Edward was so… not Edward. She took the whole report, and went to the bedroom. She knocked, and Jacob opened the door. He looked from Bella to the papers she was holding and stepped bac. "Edward," she said, "We need to talk." Edward was sitting on the window seat. "You left your phone in Eric's car." Edward's hand went to his pocket out or reflex. "He called to tell me he had it, but he also told me about what you told him. You think you gave Brady pneumonia?" Behind her, Jacob drew in a breath of realization.

"But that-" he started, but Bella looked at him and shook her head.

"Edward, I want you to read this. It's the hospital report from those last two weeks." Edward took the papers, and drew his knees up to his chest. There was no missing the highlighted line. "Edward, he got pneumonia at the hospital. It's different from getting it from someone else. It responds to medications differently. You didn't give it to him. Have you really been carrying that on your shoulders this whole time?" Edward ran a finger across the highlighted line.

"I didn't make him sick," he said finally. "It wasn't me."

"No, it wasn't," Bella said, crouching in front of him, making him look at her. "You gave him so much," she said. "Edward, you were the light in his life. He called you his sunshine. You remember? When he knew he probably wasn't going to make it, the one thing he wanted was for you to be happy. Not to blame yourself for something that no one had any control over. If he was here right now, he would tell you exactly the same thing."

Edward

Edward read that line on the paper over and over, until it blurred and became obscured by the tears in his eyes. A cool flood of relief washed over him, and it took him a long moment to realize that there was weight rolling off of him. The weight of guilt and self loathing that he'd been carrying since that horrible phone call telling him that Brady died. He buried his face in his knees and cried, clutching the paper, the proof that it wasn't his fault. Bella got up and kissed the top of his head, and squeezed his shoulder, before leaving the room. Slowly, the tears stopped, and he caught his breath. He sniffled and sucked in one breath after another.

"Hey, calm down. Edward, slow. One breath at a time. You're going to hyperventilate." Jacob pulled him into a hug. "Shhh, it's okay. You're okay." Exhaustion hit Edward hard, and he melted into the hug. Jacob's heartbeat, strong and steady, centered him. He rested his cheek on Jacob's shoulder. He could barely hold his eyes open, much as he tried.

"Here," Bella said. She handed Jacob a mug of something. Edward caught the scent of peppermint. He reluctantly let go of Jacob and took the mug, sipping carefully. He rested his head back against the window, and Jacob kept a hand on his back. "Do you think you could try to eat something?" Bella asked. Edward shrugged. She left again, and Jacob took the mug, and drew Edward close again.

"You thought you got him sick?" He asked. "Is that why you don't get close to anybody anymore?"

"I mean, yeah. Why else would things like what happened with Eric happen? Or my family?"

"What exactly did happen with Eric and your family?" Jacob asked. Edward sighed.

"I told my parents I was trans. They said there was no place for that kind of thing in their house, and that I'd better watch myself, or there wouldn't be a place for me, either. And then they must have told Tony, or he heard or something. Anyway, he sent out a text blast that outed me to most of the school. It's a catholic school, very traditional. And not at all LGBT friendly. His friends, who happen to be all the athletes and popular kids, decided to make the weird trans kid pay for lying to them. And it spiraled out of control. At the time, I was dating Eric, and he broke up with me and was a part of that group. I mean, what he did wasn't any different than what the rest of them did, but it hurt more, because he used to tell me he'd love me no matter what. I know it's what kids say when they're young and dumb, but it still felt like a betrayal."

"Do you worry that I'm going to do that to you?"

"Of course," Edward said. "You've never made sense to me. It's like, this can't be true because you're too good." Jacob sighed.

"Edward, I'm not too good. I'm just sick of people I care about getting hurt. And I want someone to care about. Besides, despite what you think, you're not a hard person to love."

"Why don't you have the same issues that Brady and the others have?"

"What, like anxiety and issues with sex and stuff?" Edward nodded. "I do. It's just more manageable than it was for Brady. But I don't like meeting new people. And the idea of sex, for the most part, doesn't appeal to me."

"But we-" Edward gestured with his hand.

"I said for the most part. I like the idea of stuff with you, but that's it. I don't know. I guess I just don't feel as broken as Brady did. But I was older, and I had a childhood before all that, that I remember, and I had my brother and Sam and Jared and Brady there with me. Maybe I'm just lucky."