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Edward

Edward was sitting on Bella's sofa later, head in his hands when Bella came home.

"Hey," she said, setting down Michael's car seat, with the baby asleep inside. "You okay? How did school-" He shook his head, and her voice trailed off. "Edward, what's wrong?"

"I don't know what to do," Edward said. "I don't know what I'm supposed to feel right now." She sat down on the ottoman, facing him.

"Tell me what happened," she said. When he didn't speak, she put both hands on his shoulders and made him look at her. "Whatever it is, it can't be that bad."

"Okay. Hypothetically. Say, Mike died, and you were… sad, and everything. But then later, someone else came along and they were everything that you thought Mike was going to be for you. And they care about you and they're perfect. And you're so not perfect and you don't want to ruin things, and-" She stopped him.

"You're feeling something for Jacob, and you don't know how you feel about that, because of Brady," she summarized. "Well, Edward, he wanted you to find someone who would care about you, remember? He wanted that for you."

"But what if it means I didn't love him enough?" Edward asked.

"Of course you loved him enough. But he's gone. And now you have someone else who loves you and wants to be in your life," Bella said gently. "I can't give you the answers, but I can tell you that when life hands you a second chance, it's wise not to waste it. Besides, don't you think Jacob is hurting, too?" Guilt rushed through Edward, because, he admitted to himself, he hadn't even thought about it. Jacob had lost a best friend, and now his mother was back in the picture. And he was far away from his brother and the only other real family he had. To be with Edward.

"I have to go," Edward said, standing up abruptly. A smile crossed Bella's face as she tossed him her keys.

"I'll pick up the car later with Mike," she said.

"Thanks." Edward drove to the apartment, hoping that Jacob would be there. He thought back to earlier, when Jacob had suggested that he stay.

"I just thought that this could be a place for you to get away from everything when you need to. Besides, as much as I appreciate Bella's hospitality, I want my own place." Overwhelmed and guilty were what Edward was feeling, and he didn't know what to say that wouldn't hurt Jacob. "Here, just take the spare key, and if you ever want to come by, you have it," Jacob said.

"I- thanks," Edward said, taking the key.

"Of course," Jacob said. "I bet you have some homework or something. Want me to take you to Bella's? I have some boring stuff to take care of, and I might as well get it done." They both got up, almost too eagerly, and Jacob drove Edward. He dropped him off, and then didn't pull out until Edward got inside. Edward could have kicked himself for not understanding the whole picture, or what it would mean to Jacob to open up his life like this. He parked, and took the stairs two at a time, and was out of breath when he reached the door. He paused for just a minute, before knocking. There was no answer, so he unlocked the door and pushed it open. The apartment was empty, and he looked around, disappointed. Was he too late? He decided to wait for Jacob to come back, and looked around the apartment for something to do, some way to help with the move in. It was still bare, for the most part. Jacob hadn't had time to get furniture yet, so the living room was empty. So was the bedroom, but a desk and a computer were set up in what was clearly to be the office. So maybe Jacob had plans to stay long term. Edward heard a key in the lock, and came out of the office, just as Jacob came in with some groceries. He stopped just inside the door when he saw Edward, and then went to the kitchen to put the bags down.

"I thought you weren't coming back," he said, keeping himself busy putting groceries away.

"I needed to think."

"And what did you come up with?" Jacob asked, still not facing him.

"I realized that I've been so focused on myself that I haven't given a second thought to what you're going through, and what you gave up to come here." Jacob turned to him, a frown crossing his face.

"If you think that I gave up something or didn't want to come for whatever reason, you're-"

"You did give up something. You gave up so many things. And not just for me," Edward said.

"Because I wanted to," Jacob said firmly.

"You don't have to always do that, though," Edward said, rounding the corner, and leaning against the counter. Jacob sighed. "You know, I realized today that as much as you've done, and as much time as we've spent together recently, I barely know anything about you." Jacob almost immediately seemed on his guard.

"What do you want to know?" He asked cautiously.

"Honestly? Everything." Jacob finished with the groceries, and then they went into the living room, and sat next to each other on the floor.

"Well… you know how I met Brady and ended up with those people."

"Do you remember… like, what they did to you?" Edward asked. Jacob closed his eyes and sighed.

"I remember everything. Every time it happened." The 'it' weighed heavy in the air. "But you don't want to hear about that," he said quickly.

"If it would help you to talk about it, I do."

"Edward, no one wants to hear about that. Everyone wants to hear the rescue miracle story. No one wants to hear the truth that a bunch of people were hurt, and probably will be damaged for the rest of their lives."

"But you're not damaged…" Jacob actually laughed.

"You don't think I'm damaged?" He paused, and then sighed heavily. "I have demons, the same way Brady did. Maybe there's something wrong with me that I can't show them the way him and the others do. Some… thing that means that I can't show what's under the surface. I don't know. I think about it sometimes, but it almost seems like I shouldn't show people what I feel, because you all have your own problems, you know? You have your depression and food issues," he explained at Edward's furrowed brow. "Embry has no voice, and so much hatred inside him. Sam has a world of guilt and responsibility. Jared has… well, he's sick. And Brady's gone. Everyone has so much on their shoulders already. How can I justify putting more on to any of you? Even if you'd be willing to take it, why should you?"

"I think that you're going to burn out eventually if you don't share some of it with the rest of us," Edward said. How had he not seen this?

"Well, then at least it's me, not one of you," Jacob said.

"Are you serious? You're the glue that's holding everyone together. Sam said so, so did your brother. And Bella. Everyone relies on you. Probably more than we should." Jacob shrugged. That part, he liked. It was so easy to feel useless when he had no power to stop the people he cared about from getting hurt, but to know that he did have a purpose helped him a lot. "What was it like for you?" Edward asked, point blank.

"It was… Dark. Physically dark, no matter where I was. After they took Embry away, there was a lot of what people would call conditioning. Sort of like training me to be who or what they wanted." He paused to gather his thoughts. "At first, it was just isolation. Even though I was scared, and I didn't know what was going to happen, or what happened to my brother, I could deal with it. And then, after a couple of weeks, maybe a month, they took me to what they called my first lesson." Jacob told Edward everything he remembered, outlining years of mental, physical and sexual abuse. He pinpointed the causes - his mother set up the kidnapping believing that the result would be a large ransom that she would receive, along with her children. It went wrong, because she chose the wrong people to carry it out, going to an actual child sex ring, instead of just some petty theives. His voice took on a tone of disgust when he talked about his mother, and it was clear that not only was there no love left for her, there was quite a bit of hatred. "I never thought I'd see Embry again. I was sure he was gone forever, but then about a year later, they took me somewhere new. We called it a holding cell. Brady was there, and then they brought Sam and Jared. And then, there was Embry. He was covered in blood, and we were sure he was going to die. With an injury like that, how could he not. But we managed to stop the bleeding somehow, and he was weak for a long time, but he recovered." Jacob took a deep breath. "And then Brady was rescued. It was immediate panic, and it was clear to everyone that the whole thing was falling apart. Brady must have told them every detail, because the raid that came for us happened within a day. I have no doubt that if our handlers had the chance, they would have killed us. Now, it doesn't matter, because everything's out in the open, but those people are cowards, and they never want to face up to what they've actually done."