Guess who decided to finish the rest of this fic before they posted the rest and has actually finished it like they said they would? I did!
One more chapter to go after this one and then there's a short epilogue. After that, the fic is done!

Constructive criticism is appreciated.
Enjoy!

Red Snow: Chapter 5 - Nightly Lamentation

The same night as his awakening, Hiccup can't seem to fall asleep. The moon has been up for hours and, while he's so tired, he can't seem to doze off for obvious reasons.

Everyone else has been able to, though. Everywhere he looks, his friends and family can be seen in a deep slumber.

Astrid is right next to him, his dad is on his other side dozing upright on a chair, the rest of the Riders are all slumbering around the dying campfire. Hiccup, meanwhile, is left to suffer through the night without a single wink of sleep. He's jealous of them.

He sighs and briefly shuts his eyes, feeling frustrated and upset that he can't sleep. He wants to scream, but not out of pain and purely out of anger.

Then, Hiccup gets the bright idea to try and get up.

Because besides the pain keeping him up, something else is, too.

His worrying for Toothless.

Not seeing his Bud is killing him, despite what Drago made him do, and everything they've told him just made him worry for him even more. Apparently, his Bud has exiled himself and refuses to come inside. Astrid has tried and not just once, but he won't listen, not even to her.

That's not good as this nest is even farther north than Berk was and Toothless' kind don't seem to originate from this part of the globe. If they were, Hiccup is certain that they would've run into some Night Furies by now.

The alternative is that Toothless really is the last of his kind and Hiccup is just not ready to accept that.

Hiccup gazes at Astrid. Technically, she's still sitting on a chair, but she's laid her head down on the bed as well, on top of her arms. It doesn't look comfortable, but she's still asleep.

If he manages to get up without waking her, he may actually get away with pulling the dumb stunt he wants to pull. He wants to get up and get Toothless himself.

Astrid and his father would kill him if they caught him pushing himself, but they can't convince Toothless to come in, so it has to be Hiccup. He's the only one who can pull that Night Fury out of his guilt. Because that has to be what's keeping him away.

What else is he going to do? Sleep?

Hiccup finds himself cursing Drago out in his mind.

Who does that? Stealing the minds of thinking beings and turning them on their own family?

Taking a couple of slow and deep breaths in and out, Hiccup has to brace himself for what he's about to do. Because he's tried sitting up before, he knows how much it hurts, but he can't just let his Bud continue like this either.

So while trying not to make a noise and alert everybody in the den, Hiccup moves his arm beneath him and pushes himself up.

It's about as unpleasant as last time. The second he makes a move his burn wounds don't agree with, they start pulling and protesting and shouting and it takes him a lot not to make a single sound.

No wait, he carefully moves his legs over the edge of the bed and he can't keep a whine down.

He looks at Astrid and his father to see if his efforts are waking them up, but he sees that they're still asleep. Everyone in the den is, fortunately.

Somehow, Hiccup manages to sit up. He's dizzy and he wonders if it's because of the concussion or because of the effort that it took.

He needs to take a moment and let his head adjust to the new position. He can't even leave this bed if he can't stand. Leaving will be difficult enough without dizziness slowing him down.

Then comes his next obstacle.

Because no one is expecting him to leave his mother's bed any time soon and because they feared agitating his first stump, his metal pegleg has been removed.

They kept it close to him, they know how he feels about his prosthetic being out of reach. So it's lying on the ground next to the bed, staring at him tauntingly.

Hiccup glares at it. It's right there, yet he has a feeling that grabbing it might be even more difficult than sitting up.

He reaches for his prosthetic without toppling over. Or he certainly tries to.

A horrible pulling sensation from the burns on his lower back and protests from those on his front stop him when he has barely bent forward.

"Oh, come on," he hisses softly and with a grimace. He just wants his leg! He's breathing rapidly, needs to calm down.

He reaches again, holding his breath, but still can't get very far. How is he ever going to do this? He's ready to despair.

A baby Scuttleclaw pops into view, chirping curiously at him. Then he takes the prosthetic to hand it to him, surprising Hiccup. As unruly as the babies are, they can still help out if they want to.

"Thanks," Hiccup shows his gratitude with a pat on his horn and then takes his leg to put it on.

A third problem immediately presents itself as he no longer has two hands to tie it to his leg. He graduated himself from rope to leather straps to tie around his thigh under his pants for better security when he made his most recent prosthetic, but it's still not going to be easy.

Hiccup deflates and wants to groan in utter misery. The only reason he doesn't is because everyone else is asleep and he needs them to stay that way if he wants to see Toothless. His dad especially. His resentment for what happened to his son can't get in the way of said son trying to help his dragon.

Rolling his pant leg up and already missing the aid of a second hand, Hiccup finds the stump of his leg and where the straps usually help keep his leg in place. It's just above his knee.

Already dreading the difficult process of putting his leg on, Hiccup puts his stump in the cushioned holder and then has to maneuver the straps in a way to secure his leg like he usually does.

It's a struggle, just like he expected it to be. The straps won't stay, they keep sliding away. When he thinks he finally has a good grip on them, they slip loose again. When he thinks he's almost done, he can't seem to work the belt. It's a very frustrating thing and Hiccup hates every second of it.

If he can't do something as simple as put his prosthetic long on, how is he going to dress himself? Make his own food? Hold onto Toothless during their flights? Repair their saddle? How is he going to maintain Toothless' tailfin?! He can't invent or fix things with only one arm.

He almost feels himself drowning in his despair.

He tries to breathe through it, holding onto the bed frame and trying to ground himself before he loses to a panic attack.

He finds himself thinking that he would've rather lost his other leg before he lost an arm. He could've made another prosthetic to accommodate for that loss, but a lost arm? A lost hand? There are so many things he can no longer do now that he simply can't invent a replacement tool for.

He tried to accommodate Gobber; the two created many new replacement hands, but it still isn't enough to replace everything. And Gobber still has a forearm! Hiccup has lost everything halfway down his upper arm.

He can feel the emotions burning their way to the surface.

Oh, he feels pathetic. Everything he does makes him want to break down. There's so much pain. Mentally, emotionally, and physically.

Yet, if it was anybody else in his position, he would understand and he needs to remember that. Astrid would have reminded him if she was awake.

Somehow, he finds it in himself to bottle those emotions back up and gets back to his prosthetic.

He resorts to using his teeth to help him pull the strap taut, that is the plan. But just like he can't bend down enough to grab his pegleg, there's no realistic way to succeed here either. He tries, he tries again, he gets nowhere.

He wants to throw something.

"Hiccup?" The sluggish voice of a sleep-riddled woman brings him out of his frustration and all that remains then is shock. Well, his shock and the agony.

Tentatively, he glances over his shoulder at the source and finds Astrid lifting her head as she looks at him.

Then she shoots up, realizing what he's doing and remembering the kind of state that he's in.

"What're you doing?!" She hisses at him under her breath, kneeling up on the furs. She's alarmed by his actions.

Hiccup takes another look around the den, hoping nobody is waking up. Not that it's Astrid's intention to disturb anyone's sleep.

They aren't, it's a good thing everyone seems to be a heavy sleeper tonight. Must be because of recent events.

Still, Astrid isn't as quiet as he wants her to be when she crawls over to his side and sits down, the bed creaks under her.

"Answer my question, Hiccup," she demands of him. What is he trying to do?

"I want to see Toothless," he admits honestly to her. He can tell by her reaction that she doesn't agree.

"In your condition?" She asks and she's stumped by this idea.

Stoick stirs in his sleep and both Hiccup and Astrid look at him with caution and hope that he continues to sleep.

When he sinks back deeper into his slumber, they feel that it's safer to talk again.

"In your condition?" Astrid asks in a softer and calmer tone, even softer than a whisper. Stoick is finally sleeping, she doesn't want to risk it.

"I heard you guys talking, he's not eating and he refuses to see me. So I have to come to him. He needs me, Astrid. I'm the only one who can help him," he makes a good point. Astrid hates that he makes a good point, she doesn't want him to be right.

Unless Toothless hears and sees Hiccup for himself, he's not going to listen.

"You do realize this is dumb?" Astrid whispers. She's technically asking, but she's stating as well. As much as she knows Toothless needs him, she hopes Hiccup realizes that this isn't a smart thing to do in his state.

Hiccup nods. He is aware of that, Astrid can be sure of that. His body takes every slow second of his existence to remind him.

At least he's no longer dizzy.

Sighing in defeat, Astrid quietly makes her way to his leg to help him fasten his pegleg. She still doesn't agree with this course of action, but she knows better than to keep Hiccup from helping his dragon. And also, she wants Toothless to stop suffering as well. Finally seeing Hiccup might accomplish just that.

He's grateful for her help, knowing that she's giving it even though she doesn't agree with him on this.

Once the prosthetic is secure, Astrid rolls his pant leg back down and then helps him to his feet. Because if Hiccup thinks he's going to Toothless alone, then he's mistaken.

This doesn't need to be communicated. Realizing it, he takes her hand and lets her lift him to his feet. He's thankful for this, too. He's sure he would never make it to Toothless without her.

Astrid wraps his arm around her shoulders and quietly do they sneak their way out of the den. They have to be slow about it, this is Hiccup's first time properly on his feet since the battle and it's much too soon.

Once again, Hiccup has to stifle any complaints as he and Astrid leave the others. They are slow, they have to take it one very small step at a time. Somehow, they succeed, but have to take a break outside of the chamber.

"Are you okay?" Astrid questions him in a whisper, hurting for him. She's been keeping an eye on her betrothed on the way over, she's watched every possible expression of pain pass by on his face.

They've only exited the den, which isn't that big to begin with, but he's already exhausted. He's panting and she can see the want to just drop down right here. His body doesn't want him to go on.

But even so, he nods. He's okay in his eyes and he wants to continue.

Astrid knows this and she helps him resume his way.

The way out is quite long, even for someone who isn't as injured as he is. It's a workout to get any progress done and they have to take a couple of pauses along the way. Astrid can see Hiccup's condition worsen the further out they go.

At some point, he's clinging onto her with a shaky arm, struggling to keep standing on his feet and sweating just from the effort of walking all this way. She can't even properly hold onto him because of his injured side. She's been gripping the back of his pants, it's the best she can do. An unfortunate amount of effort has to come from Hiccup.

"Hiccup…"

"Don't," he shakes his head. He knows what she wants to say and he doesn't want to hear it. He's not giving up on this just because his torment is getting too great.

"Hiccup, I can see it on your face, you can't go on. Don't push yourself like this," Astrid tells him. This isn't good for him.

"Toothless needs me," he repeats.

"I know that he does, but look at you! You've tried, that's all you can do. Now we have to wait until he comes to us," Astrid doesn't like it either, but what other choice do they have? He can hardly go on like this and Astrid can't carry him there without causing him even more hurt either.

When Hiccup wants to keep moving on, Astrid stays in place. She refuses to go any further.

"Astrid-"

"No, Hiccup, you can't keep doing this to yourself!" She stands her ground.

Knowing Astrid well enough to know that she's not going to budge, Hiccup struggles himself free. The only reason he succeeds; his betrothed lets go because she's afraid to hurt him. He pushes himself off her for some momentum to get going.

"Hiccup-"

"Thank you for getting me this far, but I'll manage. I'll get to Toothless and I'll bring him back. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine," and although that is what he says, it is not what either of them believe.

"You stubborn…" Astrid huffs in frustration under her breath. Why does Hiccup have to be like this? It's infuriating enough on a regular day, let alone when he's in this state.

He struggles forward and soon hugs a wall when he stumbles. An unwilling cry leaves him, he pulled on injuries that didn't want to be pulled on.

"Hiccup, be careful!" Astrid chastises him. Oh, when she gets him back to bed, he's not leaving for the next three weeks.

"I'm okay. I'm- I'm okay," Hiccup doesn't know who he's trying to convince either. Astrid or himself. He's trembling and sweating. There's a grimace on his face and his body doesn't want to continue. It's stuck.

"Hiccup…"

Despite this, he tries to go on. Though his head pounds harder than it ever has in his entire life, though he burns, though his new stump is screaming in agony, he still tries.

Until his hold on the wall slips and he falls forward onto his knees. Another cry leaves him.

"Hiccup!" Astrid is by him in an instant, kneeling by his uninjured side and laying her hands on him.

"... I'm okay," he says again, speaking through gritted teeth and closed eyes. He's struggling.

"Hiccup, it's time you consider going back," she tries to be as soft as she can be. Patience is what he needs.

Hiccup has other ideas, of course. He tries to get back up once more, but any effort to do so is in vain and all it does is bring him more suffering.

"It's time," she tells him again, hoping to get through to him. Though, she knows how fixated he can get on certain things.

"Hiccup-"

"Toothless!"

He shouts loud and sudden enough that the woman next to him recoils and nearly lets go.

Because it would appear that Hiccup can't come to his dragon, he hopes that, if he calls out to him, Toothless will come to him after all.

Deciding against stopping him as this might be a way to get the dragon to come, Astrid looks out into the tunnel and hopes to see something black and cat-like appear from around the bend.

"Toothless! Bud! I can't come to you!" Maybe hearing his voice will help convince the Night Fury. "You're going to have to come to me, Bud!"

Outside, just beyond the exit of the tunnel, a Night Fury lies curled up and freezing. His earfins twitch.

"Toothless!"

He can hear Hiccup as his voice echoes from inside the cave. He has known all along that he's awake. He felt the urge to go see his Rider, but the guilt that he feels and his fear of what he will see has kept him from moving from his spot.

Now he moves his head towards the tunnel, where the echoes of Hiccup's yelling are coming from. They're amplified, not just because of the echoey nature of the cave, but also because of his sensitive hearing.

Toothless finds himself quietly whining back at his Rider.

"Toothless! Bud…" Hiccup holds onto Astrid. He's beyond exhausted. If only he'd gotten just a little bit of sleep earlier.

Astrid is still looking out into the tunnel, but her hope is waning as well. She thought hearing Hiccup would finally convince the dragon. She can hardly believe that it's not working.

If Hiccup can't even convince him? Then who can?

She decides to give her attention back to Hiccup.

"Babe," she can't hide the sadness in her tone and Hiccup lowers his head, eyes closed and utterly fatigued. His head rests against hers.

He holds tighter unto her, bracing himself to be pulled back up to his feet. This won't be pleasant for either of them, least of all for him.

But while Astrid moves to get up, she suddenly stops and doesn't do so again.

"Astrid?" Hiccup wants to ask what is up, but a puff of warm air ruffles his hair and he finds the strength to look up.

A big, black nose finds his to nuzzle and a dragon purrs in his comfort.

"Toothless," somehow, Hiccup finds it in himself to smile. His Bud came for him! Whatever is going on inside that head and heart of his, he forewent it all to be there for him.

A hand of Astrid finds Toothless' hide to pet while he and his brother touch foreheads in love.

"You know," Hiccup pants. "I was actually starting to get scared that you weren't coming."

Toothless whines apologetically for taking so long. He should've known that he never would've been able to resist Hiccup's calls for help.

"I don't mean to cut this reunion short," Astrid speaks up softly. "But we really need to get this Viking back to bed."

"Oh, please do," Hiccup whines. The bed is only a little bit better than standing and sitting, but that little bit means a world of difference to him right now.

Toothless is still wearing his saddle, it hasn't been removed since the battle and must be chafing awfully, but he comes by Hiccup's side and lets him use the handles to get up to his feet.

It takes a little while, but they somehow get him in the saddle. It wasn't a pleasant process and neither will getting out of it be, but at least he won't have to walk all the way back.

He sighs in relief and the dragon looks at him from the corners of his eyes. He's making sure the human is okay up there.

"I feel much better knowing that I won't have to walk all the way back," his Rider says.

Astrid touches Toothless' earfin and Hiccup's arm, she smiles at both of them, happy to see them reunited.

When the three of them return, almost everyone is up, they can hear them before they see them. Though they've snuck away successfully, Hiccup's absence didn't go unnoticed. Everyone is alarmed.

He briefly wonders if it's because of his cries for Toothless.

"Hiccup!" Stoick is the first to notice his return and Valka follows him there. Without being asked, he helps his son dismount from the saddle. He's surprised to see the Night Fury here, but his concern lies with the young man and less with the dragon.

Still, Toothless shrinks away from him.

Hiccup notices and faces his dad.

"Dad, please. He only wants to help," he reminds him and his father doesn't even need to say a thing to cause him to. "None of this was his fault."

Toothless lowers his head at that, not quite believing it. To his surprise, Stoick softens. He hasn't seen him ever since his outburst.

"Come, let's get you back to bed," Valka takes her son and lets him use her for support to get him there. His father follows.

A hand lands on Toothless' head and he looks up to find that it belongs to Astrid. She gives him a sympathetic smile. It was brave of him to come back, but she also knows that it's not easy to be here. There are a lot of conflicting emotions here.

As Valka helps him sit down, a look of great discomfort passes by on Hiccup's face. He's surprised he made it all the way here, that he hasn't collapsed somewhere along the way. Maybe it was his desire to lie back down, although that barely brings him any comfort.

If only they hadn't run out of herbs. If only he could be asleep right now.

His friends and family surround him, each asking him how he's feeling and if he's okay. Hiccup hates it, he hates being coddled and worried over. Fishlegs is already fussing over his bandages, wanting to remove them to see if an infection hasn't set in in the meantime.

Between the legs of those surrounding him, Hiccup spots his dragon with Astrid. At least one thing comforts him and it's that Toothless isn't planning on leaving him again. He knows it, he can practically feel it in his bones.

Ignoring everybody's questions on the grounds of being too tired, he lies down, and Toothless fights through his anxiety to come be with his human.

He can feel the chief's eyes on him, but he lies down by Hiccup's head, their faces near each other, and Stoick doesn't stop him. He's letting him stay.

At least, with Toothless here, Hiccup can try to rest. There's a little peace of mind now that he doesn't need to worry as much about him anymore. He'll still talk to him, Toothless has to understand how much this wasn't his fault.

"We're going back out there to try and find those herbs," Snotlout decides by himself. It's still in the middle of the night, but not everyone goes back to sleep. Rest won't ever truly return until Hiccup is better anyway, it won't truly return until Drago has been defeated and they know that Berk is safe once more.

Toothless licks the top of Hiccup's head and he whimpers. At least they're together again. For tonight, that's all that matters.