A/N: Nope, not an April Fool's Joke. I owe an explanation, and I'll put it at the bottom of this post. I hope you enjoy the chapter!
I was standing in the middle of a featureless, white room.
Looking around, it seemed endless, like there was no end or beginning.
The only things that broke the pure whiteness were two figures that began to walk towards me once my vision settled on them.
They were roughly the same as far as shadows went, it was only when they closed the distance that I figured out why they were the same size and shape.
Standing side by side was… Me.
Two of me.
The one on the left was wearing a heavy, dark blue jacket and a pair of jeans. His person had visible patches of… Snow? On his person, like he couldn't be bothered to shake it off of himself. He also looked a bit more haggard and sleep deprived than the one on the right.
The one on the right looked to be in much better shape. Standing straight, wearing the school uniform, vest and all. There wasn't anything messy on him, compared to the other one, and he looked to be remarkably more well rested.
I was the first to speak out of the… Me's. "You two… You're…"
"You?" They ask at the same time.
I nod slowly.
"Well, in a manner of speaking I guess." The school-ready version of me spoke, shrugging, "I'm the real you. The one whos room you're sleeping in right now! The one who has the childhood friend you're falling in love with."
"As if you're the real him!" The other me spoke up, I guess I'll call him Snow Alex . "I was here first you know! Everything we had was taken away and we got put somewhere else, without the luxury of even remembering our old life!"
Whereas School Alex seemed rather laid back and accepting of life, Snow Alex seemed more on edge and world weary, like he knew and saw things he couldn't have seen. Like there was something in the back of his mind that was haunting him.
"You had your chance! Now we're here and Sayori deserves our attention." School Alex turns to Snow Alex, while I'm standing there watching them exchange words.
The two different versions of me didn't seem to like each other that much.
"As if I had a chance! Do you know how much of a dream come true dating Monika would be?"
"Yeah, a dream maybe! That's all it is! He obviously gets along so much better with Sayori!"
"Hm! What would you know? You existed up until the real Alex got to come around!"
"Are you implying I don't exist?"
"Yeah, maybe I am!"
"Why you little-"
All of this back and forth was starting to make my head feel like it was going to split in two, "Stop it! God, why are you two even here? You're me, aren't you? Am I going crazy or something? Some kind of split personality?"
"You're asking us?" School Alex queries, "I guess we represent who you are. Who you were. Who you could be… Sounds weird, right? Maybe we are going crazy."
"Maybe you are!" Snow Alex responds, "I know who we are, or who we should be at least. Not like I can say it without your mind caving in on itself right now."
"You already know more about your current life than you do about your old one." School Alex says to me, "Things should make sense to us sooner or later, right?"
"Hmph! Maybe if he stopped leading on the girls and just picked Monika already!" Snow Alex crosses his arms, "She's been waiting for this for a long time, you know!"
"So what? Does that make her any more deserving of love than Sayori? You know what Monika did!"
They kept arguing, back and forth, and my head started to pound more and more.
As the pain began to reach a crescendo, the place began to be overcome with light, until it swallowed the whole of the dream.
FIGHTING HARD, FIGHTING ON THE STEEL-
I groaned as I turned off my alarm and crawled out of bed.
It was just a normal night, but it felt like I'd been sleeping for three or four years. Weird…
I didn't enjoy it one bit.
Crawling out of bed, I followed through my usual routine of showering before stepping out to brush my teeth.
As I went to wipe away the fog from the mirror, I swore I caught a glimpse of something in the corner of my eye.
Something red, a tuft of hair?
But when I looked, there was nothing.
"Ugh…"
These things have grown more and more annoying as time has gone on. I wish the answers would just fall into my lap, but things are never so easy.
When I was done in the bathroom, I dressed and headed downstairs to make what would be my lunch for the day.
I was almost tempted to make something for Sayori, but I knew she was being taken care of, and not coming to school today besides.
The walk to school was uneventful, and I found myself lacking in things to think about for once. Deliberately, I made an effort to avoid thinking about anything relating to my headaches, the visions...
Instead, I decided to try and pretend I was a normal student, just for today. As hard as that was going to be.
...What do normal students think about? Tests right?
Not sure if there were any tests coming up, guess I should look into that…
These thoughts occupied my mind as I went to the school grounds, and headed to homeroom.
After classes were done for today, I found myself putting things away in my locker when a familiar voice caught my attention, albeit not directed at me.
"U-Uuhh, sorry but I can't really help today."
"Monika, are you okay? You've been acting weird all day."
"Yeah! Just a little sick."
"Oh alright, get well!"
Monika? She seemed to still be dealing with the problems from the other day.
My Therapist told me to try and avoid talking with her too much… I wanted to try and help her, but a part of me thought that maybe having her rely on me too much was a bad idea.
So instead, I withdrew from the situation before she noticed me and started to turn to leave…
Only to bump into someone.
At first, the person I saw had blond hair… The same as the other visions I had been getting, but upon wiping my eyes, I saw a familiar short pink-haired girl.
"Hey! Geeze, are you always so empty-headed, Alex?" Natsuki grumbled as she dusted off her shirt.
Oh you have no idea…
"Sorry, just a little distracted. What's up?"
"I guess nothing really, but… Ugh, can you come with me?"
Curiosity killed the Alex, I guess.
"Uhhh… Sure."
Natsuki grabbed my hand and proceeded to basically drag me towards the school's rooftop, if I wasn't used to being dragged places by the girls of the club I'd have probably fallen over, but such things were long past me.
"Uhh, why all the way up here?"
"It's the best place we can talk without anyone hearing!"
Indeed, there was nobody up here at this time of day. It was a popular spot for lunch, but right now everyone was heading home.
"Right, okay, so what's so important?"
"It's Monika! She's acting really weird and not in her usual way." Natsuki put a hand on her hip, "You can't tell me you haven't noticed! She's been really skittish lately."
"Skittish? Like a cat?"
"Ugh, you know what I mean, shy, nervous! That's not the Monika I know, and Yuri's noticed too! Not to mention Kana, she's barely even gotten to see Monika all this time. It's making things really awkward when the president and vice president are both… Not here!"
"Yeah, I guess I get what you mean… What do you expect me to do about it, though?"
"I don't know, try to drag Monika back to reality! Normally I'd ask Sayori to do something like that, but she's not here, so…" Natsuki seemed to struggle to say the next part, "Please see if you can't fix Monika."
"Fix her? Well, I don't know about that… But I guess I can try to get her out of this funk. No promises though."
"Good! I'm leaving this to you, Aex. Don't let me down, alright?!"
Natsuki left, leaving me on the roof feeling yet another weight on my shoulders.
No pressure right? Just gotta… Fix Monika.
Easy, right?
Running my hand through my hair, I sighed before heading to the steps myself.
I wonder if Monika is still here…
After some searching, I found the Club President at the front of the school, sort of rigidly nodding her head as some girl rambled about something to her.
She seemed uncomfortable, so I felt the need to intervene.
"Hey Monika, I need to talk to you about something."
Monika starts at first, "Eh?" But her demeanor relaxes as she sees who it is, "Alex!" Monika looks back to the girl she was talking to, "Sorry but this is important - Club stuff y'know?"
The girl took it at face value, and Monika came up to me, grabbed my hand, and dragged me away. Again. "Monika, I have legs!" Though that didn't stop her.
When we got to an empty corner of the school with some stone benches, Monika stopped and sat on one of the benches before burying her face in her hands.
Not knowing what to do or say, I settled for just sitting next to her and patting her back awkwardly. "What's uh… What's wrong?"
"The same thing as the other day… I just can't keep up anymore! Everyone wants something from me, or wants me to attend this club or speak at this meeting! How did I ever manage this before?! It's driving me insane! I don't even remember how to do half the things I used to do! I've been living a script my whole life, and now…"
"You're living off-script."
"Off-script… Gosh… It's so overwhelming…"
I rub my forehead as the dull pain at the back of my head continues droning on, anytime I'm around these girls it keeps getting worse… But I had to push on for their sake.
"Listen, Monika… You need to stop and breathe. You've spent so long just going and going, but you're not a visual novel character anymore, you're a human being. You need to just… Take a break."
"A break…" Monika rubs her face, "Right… That's a good idea… I think I know what I want to do, what I need to do." She stands up, "Thank you, Alex." Then she quickly leans over and smooches my cheek before running off.
"M-Monika!" Ugh, what'd I tell her about that stuff?
Still, my face flushed red and I rubbed the spot she kissed.
Well, it wasn't all bad…
There was a club meeting today, I remembered, in spite of me having planned to skip this one to go home and rest, I realized that would probably look bad.
When I got to the club room, it felt like my first time back in ages. So much had happened… The festival, Sayori, everything….
Monika was there, so was everyone but Sayori.
The first person to greet me was Monika, she waved me over, "Alex! Glad you're here, now I can make the announcement."
"Announcement?" I quirked an eyebrow, heading to sit down at a desk, near the others.
"Yeah, she wouldn't tell us until you got here! If you'd have skipped today I'd have been pissed." Natsuki grumbled, and I was internally glad I didn't decide to skip today.
"Well, I'm here now." I take a seat, "What's the big news?"
"Well, a lot's happened, as we all know, and our club scattered for some time… Not the best introduction for our new member, I know! However, things are going to change, starting today! I've been doing a lot of introspection, asking what I really wanted in life aandd… Well, I decided to quit my other clubs and forego my other responsibilities and let others take them. Monika the all star is no more!"
"M-Monika! This is so sudden… What caused this?" Yuri gasped, covering her mouth with her hands.
"Truth be told…" Monika sat down in the teacher's armchair, a rarity for her when she's giving a speech. "After everything that's happened the past while, I've been so overwhelmed that I lost sight of what was really important. I haven't even tried to visit Sayori because I've been so busy all the time!" She rubs her forehead.
"You're beating yourself up a bit there, Monika, you had your reasons." I comment.
"Yes, I know, but I still feel awful because of it. Between that and not being able to be here for the club, I realized I needed to reassess what's really important in my life…" Her tone softens from her usual confidence, as she becomes more heartfelt in her speech. "...And what's important to me isn't the debate club, or track, or even baseball! It's this club, and the friends I've made here. When I'm doing one of those other things, I'm always thinking about how I'd rather be here."
"...You were on the baseball team?" Natsuki ponders, before Yuri smacks her shoulder lightly, "Ugh, yeah yeah… I'm glad to hear that you're all about this club now Monika! Honestly I was getting worried you were just going to give Alex or Yuri the presidency and ride off into the sunset."
"I-I honestly felt the same, I was worried…" Yuri softly adds.
"I haven't been here long, but I knew something was up when you weren't around Monika, it was seriously out of character." Kana pitches in, "I'm glad I'll get to see what the real literature club experience is. No offense to Nat or Yur, they made me feel super welcome."
"Yur…?" Yuri rubs her chin as she ponders that nickname, while Nat didn't seem bothered by hers.
"You already know how I feel about this, Monika, I'll admit you went a lot harder with my advice than I expected you too, but I'm happy about it all the same." I smile, "You know… We're all good friends, and I've got way more money than I know what to do with… How about we hit the mall, maybe get something to eat and go shopping? I can even see if Sayori is feeling well enough to come along."
There were collective gasps of excitement and curiosity at the idea, Nat was the first to speak, "Geeze, Alex! I knew your parents were rich but I didn't think you had that kind of spending money, you single?" She laughed, a clear joke as Yuri smacked her shoulder again, "Ow! Stop that!"
"Hah, not you too Nat, please."
Yuri smiled, "Well, I think it's a wonderful idea. I'm apprehensive about letting you cover everything but I'm certainly all for spending time together, especially if Sayori is coming…"
Kana grinned, "We met at the mall, so you know I'm on board!"
Monika gave a small smile, "Sounds fun! How about we all go home and get ready then meet at Alex's house? I can show you the way, Kana. Let's say in two hours?"
Various sounds of agreement were made, and soon everyone was leaving to go home and change out of their school clothes, and so was I. Monika gave me a grin and a wave before running off, and I couldn't help but smile back.
A semblance of normal after what felt like so long… This was what we needed, including Sayori.
Speaking of Sayori, I headed to her house after setting down my school bag and changing to my street clothes, I didn't knock, I knew she and her mom wouldn't mind.
Her mom was out, probably working, so I headed up to Sayori's door and knocked, "Ohayo, Sayori!"
"Alex! It's like three in the afternoon, not the morning…" Sayori sounded pleased and surprised to hear my voice, "Hold on, let me get decent!"
"Take your time." I leaned against the wall, rubbing my chin as I fought the urge to imagine Sayori half-naked on the other side of the door. Down boy, down…
Soon the door opened and a cinnamon-colored blur jumped at me, as I exclaimed in surprise while wrapping Sayori in my arms and giving her a strong hug, "Woah Sayori! What'd I say about that? At least I was standing against the wall."
"Sorry, sorry… But I'm so excited to see you!" She grinned up at me with her bright smile and equally bright eyes, God I could get lost in those… But I had to stay focused.
"A-Ah, right, well, how're you feeling?"
"Great! I think I'm about ready to go back to school. The psychologist said I was making great progress and that I should try and be with people who I really care about now, and start living life again."
"That's great!" I ruffled her hair, eliciting a giggle from the Bun. "Speaking of, the rest of the club and I are going to the mall on a bit of a group night out, and we couldn't leave you out. Wanna come? We're not doing anything particular, just eating at the food court and shopping, on me of course."
"Woah, Alex! That's super generous! Are you sure?"
"Ah Sayori, remember that I have more money than I'll ever really want, I'm not saying you're free to buy the whole mall, but if I can't treat my friends to a night out, am I using my money correctly? I don't think so!"
"Well, if you're sure! Then absolutely! I'm bummed that I missed the festival… This'll be much more fun though!"
"Perfect. We're meeting in about an hour and thirty, so get ready and meet at my place before then, okay?"
"Alright! I'll need to get ready. I've been trying to take better care of myself…" She looked sheepish as we broke the hug and she idly played with her hair, "Although it might not look like it right now, ehehe…"
I smiled, "You could look like you crawled out of a dumpster and you'd still look just fine, if a bit smelly. Go get ready, I'll be waiting."
"Awh, thank you! I will!" She ran back to her room, while I strolled off to my house to await the others.
When I got there I looked over the place and realized it was getting kind of grimey, especially after the happening… Well, I guess I was going to have to clean this place eventually. I wasn't about to hire a maid, I'm not some kind of pompous jerk who can't clean their own house!
…Even if it is a lot to clean… Ugh…
The cleaning process took time, so I started with my living room since that was the only part the girls were going to see today.
I felt like a proper adult vacuuming everywhere, dusting the pictures on the wall that left me feeling melancholic… I took the ones of my parents off the wall for now and put them into storage. I didn't remember them but I also felt sad just looking at them. Maybe once I figured out my life I'd put them back on the wall. I left the pictures of just me and Sayori, or just me on the wall. Those didn't elicit the same feeling.
After that I took out the trash, and moved on to the other rooms. Although I only gave the ones that I didn't use a simple cleaning as they weren't too dirty, unless you count dust.
My room, oh boy… That place was a cesspit. I have no idea how I let girls in there when the place was so thick with boy smell and dirtiness. I gave it the most thorough cleaning I could, and by the end it was smelling like roses and looked like a respectable person lived there. I even had some sweat on my brow from the hard work, and ended up feeling accomplished.
So this was what being normal was like? Huh, I could get used to this…
There was a knock on my door and I checked the time. Sure enough, there was about fifteen minutes before we were set to meet. Someone was early, probably Sayori or Monika. So I wiped the sweat from my brow and headed downstairs, "Doors open!"
Opening the door was Sayori, wearing her usual outfit. "Hey, Alex- Woah! This place looks so clean! I don't think I've seen it like this in years… What's the occasion?"
"Whaat, do I need an occasion to clean my house?" I smirked and shrugged while shaking my head, "I just saw it needed some cleaning so I decided I'd spend my time doing something productive instead of just lounging while I was waiting for you all."
"Wow! That's really smart Alex! Not like you at all!"
"Wow, that hurts Sayori."
"Oops! I didn't mean it that way, ehehe…" She pushed her fingers together.
"Yeah I know, have a seat hm?" I gestured to the couch, and went to sit with her. "So how's your mom, Sayori?"
"She's great! She went to work today after taking some days off to spend time with me. She's going to be leaving again soon, so I'll be moving in with you, remember?"
"Yeah, how could I forget? I'll make sure the room is prepped by tomorrow then, just incase."
"You're so sweet, Alex!" Sayori smooched my cheek, the opposite one to the one Monika kissed and I couldn't help but blush.
"Ah- Thanks.. I try my best."
"Your best is pretty good if you ask me." She smiles and leans back, "Aahh… Going out with friends, it's been forever since we've done this with other people! I'll be glad to see the other girls outside of school."
"Yeah… I'm sure the girls are just as excited as we are."
On que, there was a knock on the door. Ten minutes early, it had to be Monika, "Come in!"
Sure enough, Monika came in, wearing a crop top and a skirt, "Hey guys!" She waved with a smile, coming over after shutting the door, "I'm not interrupting anything am I?"
"Nope, have a seat!" Sayori gestured.
Monika came and sat on the opposite side of Sayori, so now I was sandwiched between the two of them. The headache started, but I pushed it down as best I could. Now was not the time.
"How are you Sayori? It's been so long!" Monika asked, "I'm sorry I wasn't able to visit you while you were gone! I was so busy, but I've cleared a lot of my schedule now so that won't happen again!"
"It's okay! You didn't have to clear out your schedule just for me, Monika! I don't mind you being busy." Sayori was always so quick to forgive, but I understood it at least.
"It's not just for you, it's for the whole club, myself included." Monika smiles, relaxing back into the couch, "It feels like I've just always been so busy going from one responsibility to the next that I never have time for myself or for just enjoying time off with friends. I didn't want to miss the best part of school!"
"Wow, that's so thoughtful Monika!" Sayori grinned, "You've always been so smart."
"Well I can't take all the credit." Monika smiles, giving me an aside glance, "Alex helped me, I was feeling really lost and he helped set me straight."
"It's really not a big deal-"
"Wow! You too, Monika? Alex helped me when I was feeling really lost too!"
"I'm not surprised, Alex seems like he puts himself before us a lot… I feel bad, honestly!"
"I'm sitting right here you know-"
"We should really do something for him, Monika! He's always doing stuff for us, I feel guilty!"
"Well I do have a lot of money-"
"For real! We'll plan something when he's not looking, okay?"
"Good idea!"
I guess I didn't have much of a say in this, although it was both flattering and concerning that they were going to plot together like that.
"Just don't go overboard, you two, alright? I know what you're both like."
"No promises!" They both ring out in chorus and I was left to sigh. I felt both blessed and cursed at the same time.
Right when we were set to meet there were two sets of hands knocking on the door.
"It's open!" I called over, and in came Yuri and Natsuki.
Yuri was wearing the same outfit she wore the last time she was at my house, except there was no sweater and instead in its place was a regular T-shirt, which honestly felt out of place for her for some reason.
Natsuki was just wearing her usual, frilly outfit. She tries so hard to not be called cute, yet she dresses cute. How curious.
Kana was there too, wearing her usual outfit of a simple short sleeve shirt and a pair of jeans.
Now that everyone was here, I stood and headed over to the door, "Well, since we're all here, how about we get going? We can catch the bus and hit the mall, then do whatever we want for the rest of the day."
There were sounds of agreement as we began to head for the bus stop.
The last time I did this, it was just Sayori and I.
Honestly that felt like it was an eternity ago, I wasn't sure if I would get to do something like this again. Let alone with everyone together, and yet… It felt strangely nostalgic, despite never having done this before. It left me feeling both happy and confused… and a bit sad? Why?
It left my brain muddled as we got to the bus stop. It was a clear, sunny day. It almost felt like it was made that way just for us, even if that wasn't the case.
As the bus rolled up, I was grateful there were no three person seats, I was sure Monika and Sayori would spend the whole bus trip messing with me. Not that that'd be a bad thing, but a break from the constant background aching in my head would be nice.
Mercifully, at least in some regard, Monika and Sayori sat together a couple seats back, saying they had some things to talk about, while Natsuki sat next to me. Yuri and Kana occupied a seat behind us, Yuri reading a book and Kana listening to music.
Natsuki nudged my side, "Nice job, Alex! I didn't think Monika would do a 180 like that, she looked so confused before but now she's so focused, what'd you say?"
"Uhh…I just told her to take a step back and reevaluate things instead of just trying to deal with what she had."
"I guess even the smartest people can miss the simplest solutions." Natsuki grumbles, "I'm surprised Sayori or Monika didn't decide to sit with you, they're both usually all over you. Is that some kind of love triangle thing?"
My face immediately turned red and I struggled to think of a response.
"Natsuki you can't just ask things like that-" Yuri chimes in from behind.
"Whaat, I'm just curious!"
"I-It's okay Nat." I responded, although internally I thanked Yuri for the save.
Unfortunately though, I wasn't in the clear yet, "But for real! Is it so wrong to be curious?" She whispers, "You think Yuri and I can't see how they both look at you? Monika talks about you like you're some kind of saint! You're not, but she seems to believe so. Sayori isn't much better, even before you joined the club she couldn't go a few minutes without talking about 'Alex would do this' or 'Alex would like that.'"
"Ah…" I rubbed the back of my head, "Truthfully, I know, but it's a lot of pressure. Do they just expect me to reciprocate? I can't just… Break someone's heart like that."
"You're too nice sometimes, Alex. You'll have to figure something out eventually, you know. They're not just gonna keep playing coy forever!"
"I know, but what am I supposed to do?"
"I dunno, maybe have them have a contest or something? Fight to the death?"
Yuri, who was still listening in, was quick to say her piece again, "Natsuki! That's a bit much don't you think? Besides, h-how do we know for sure they're both into him like that?"
"Oh come on Yuri, you're not dumb. You've seen it!"
"I-I mean there have been some things they've said…"
"Yeah! So you get it. Well, I can't just let him suffer in silence like this! We should help solve this before it grows into a real problem! Love has messed up stronger bonds than our clubs, and I like to think our club is pretty damn strong!"
Kana plucked an earbud from her ear and added to the conversation, "I mean, I think it's pretty funny. Like watching a romcom anime or something, don't you think Nat?"
"I mean sort of, but those anime always end with one of the girls being really upset, and I don't want either of them to be upset, they're our friends."
"I never took you as the type to care that deeply Nat, I'm surprised." I comment, receiving a quick yet firm whack on my arm from the pink haired typhoon, "Ow!"
"Ugh, so what if I care? Not like you need to go announcing it like that!"
Kana chuckled while Yuri snickered behind her book.
"Right, I get the message… Well what do you propose we do?"
"I don't know! I can't just think of things like that. Yuri, Kana, any ideas?" Natsuki turned to look back at them.
Yuri shook her head, "I was never that good with people… I could read some books to see what people in stories did I guess…"
Kana scoffed, "Why don't they just share him?"
I started coughing as I hid my face, while Natsuki started to laugh and Yuri hid her face in her book.
"What? Do you guys have a better idea?" Kana crosses her arms, "If they both like him so much, what's wrong with sharing?"
"I get the idea but this isn't an anime! They'd probably kill each other or something." Natsuki snickered, "Which totally sucks because that'd be the easiest solution, but those types of relationships never work do they? It usually falls apart cause of jealousy."
"Well until you guys come up with something better, I'm sticking with it. Sometimes the simplest solutions are the best ones!"
I didn't respond to her, while I got the sentiment I wasn't sure if that would ever work. Monika and Sayori are two wonderful people who deserve all the love in the world, and they wouldn't be getting that if they were both trying to get it from one guy…
Besides, I didn't feel like I deserved that kind of thing. Having those two as girlfriends… Does any one guy truly deserve that kind of blessing? I doubted it.
My brain continued to feel muddled and confused as I pondered over this whole dilemma during the bus ride.
Eventually, we arrived at the mall and piled out. Sayori was literally jumping for joy, extremely giddy over getting to spend this time with her friends, "I'm so excited! Come on, what should we do first guys?"
Monika rubbed her chin, "Well, I think the best thing to do first is to find a table at the food court to claim as ours for the day, so we have a place we can meet back at when we're all done shopping."
"Good idea." I nodded in agreement, "Let's go look for a table then."
We all headed together to look for a table. The mall was populated but not overly busy today, and it didn't take long to find a table for us to sit at at the second floor food court. Although as soon as I laid eyes on the table something strange happened…
I began to feel lightheaded as I rubbed my forehead, I didn't want the girls to worry about me, so I managed out, "Guys I'm gonna go to the bathroom, I'll come back here in a sec."
There were no protests, although Sayori and Monika both looked a bit concerned, maybe it was something in the way I spoke or the look in my eye, but I made my way to the bathroom.
Dimly lit and thankfully empty, the composure I kept slipped from my grasp as I started and grabbed onto the counter with the sinks on them, looking at myself in the mirror, I could see just how pale and out of it I really looked. No way Monika and Sayori didn't notice… But what was going on?
I didn't have time to think about it, so I went to try and turn on the faucet, only to lose my grasp. I slipped and fell onto the ground, luckily I didn't hurt anything, but I felt my vision fading quickly. Soon, darkness enveloped me.
I opened my eyes slowly, my vision blurred and my ears ringing. Yet I was no longer in the bathroom. Instead, I was laying in snow, near what seemed to be a street at night.
What the hell…?
I heard footsteps, before a booted figure stood in front of me. I heard the voice, my voice, but more haggard, more tired.
"...Finally, we can talk one on one."
"Who…?"
They kneeled down, and indeed, the figure was… Me. Dressed in a heavy jacket and jeans, "Us." He grabbed me and began to pull me onto my feet, "Come on. We don't have long."
Staggering to my feet, I looked at him, confused. "Wha… Why is there another me?"
"Truthfully, I don't know how this happened." He pointed over down the street, at a mall. "We were there. With our friends. Amy, among many, was there. We loved her, did you know that?"
"Amy…? Who?"
"I guess you wouldn't remember, would you? She was our first love." He let go of me and took a few steps forward, towards the mall, "She asked us out, that night. It feels so long ago now… Truthfully, I don't know how long it's been."
"Wait, wait… You're not making any sense. Amy who? What is this place?"
"This is… Was our home. Part of it at least. We grew up here."
"That still doesn't explain anything… If we grew up here, how come I don't remember anything about it?"
"Because- Well… I'm not sure what happened entirely myself, either. But I do know one thing. You're not doing anyone a service by not remembering what we lost. However we lost it…"
"I'm not sure I understand… How can I remember?"
"I don't know. I have some ideas but I can't be sure. Not yet."
"Okay… Then why are you telling me this?"
"Because I needed to show you something."
"What is it?"
Before him appeared several specters, the ones from the dreams. The blond haired girl, the brown haired boy and the black haired boy. And finally, the red haired girl… The one who seemed to haunt me more than the others.
"Amy…" I found myself muttering unconsciously. "That's her, isn't it?"
"Yes." Me turned towards me… Snow, I'll call him Snow. "Alex…" He puts his hands on my shoulders. "This is what we lost."
"I…"
"What is a man but the sum of his memories? We are the stories we live and the tales we tell ourselves. You know that's true. So what are you if you have nothing? Are you a man? Are you even truly human?" Snow's grip on my shoulders tightened.
"I…."
"Don't answer." He pushed me and I staggered back, "Now go. This isn't over, but I'm out of time."
White light spread, starting with the ghosts of those behind him, before soon sweeping over the whole scene. The bright light faded to black…
When I came to, I was on the floor again. I staggered back up and checked my watch.
Only five minutes… Yet it felt like I'd been laying here for hours.
I turned on the water and washed my face, trying to shake myself out of this stupor. I still felt groggy afterward, but not as bad as before I passed out… I wiped my face with a paper towel before heading back out to the food court.
Monika and Sayori were sitting at our table, chatting. When they saw me they both stood up, "Alex!" They called over in sync.
"Hey, sorry about that." I tried to play it off, "Where'd the others go?"
"They went to shop, but are you okay? We both thought you looked kind of sick." Monika responded.
"Ah… Yeah it's okay, I was just feeling a bit light headed, but now I think it's because I'm hungry." I lied as naturally as I breathed, not for the first time.
"Well, alright…" Sayori rubbed her chin, "You should get something to eat then! Then we can go shopping."
Monika was in agreement, so I didn't have much of a choice but to get some food. There was a takoyaki place here, so I ordered some. It wasn't a full meal, but it was enough to hold me over until later.
"Wow, Alex! That looks delicious…" Sayori leered at my food while Monika hid a smirk under her hand.
"Want one?" Without thinking, I grabbed one with my chopsticks and held it out to her, "I'm not gonna eat all of these."
Sayori nodded eagerly, before taking it into her mouth all at once, chewing on the Takoyaki while I retracted my chopsticks to go and get one for myself.
Little did I know, Monika started to pout, "Hey, I want one too."
I hadn't even eaten one yet, as I was about to put it in my mouth, "Uhhh…. Okay." I held it out, and she mirrored what Sayori did by eating it straight off the chopsticks.
"Mmmh, delicious. Thanks!"
Well, hopefully that was resolved…
As I went to go eat one, Sayori sheepishly piped up, "Hey… Can I have another one?"
Oh boy… I couldn't resist her, so I repeated the process.
I felt how this was going… Please no.
Sure enough Monika asked for another. So I gave it to her.
This repeated again, and before I knew it I had given all my food to the two girls.
I looked dismally at the empty container, while the two girls looked embarrassed as they realized what they had done.
"Gosh… Sorry, Alex. I guess I kind of got carried away."
"Yeah, me too, it's just so delicious!"
"It's okay…" I sighed, "I'm gonna get some more food for myself this time, why don't you two go shopping? I'll text you when I'm done and catch up."
"That's a good idea." Monika nodded, "Come on Sayori, let's go look at some of the stuff we talked about."
"Okay!" Sayori followed Monika and soon I was left alone.
I sighed in relief and started to eat.
About halfway through, Natsuki came to me, "Hey Alex." She was carrying a bag of what looked to be baking supplies.
"Hey Nat, you get what you wanted?"
"Yeah, some more baking supplies. I know you said you'd pay for stuff but it felt weird asking you for money so I just bought it myself. You can just pay for my food today!"
"Works for me." I suppose it was weird to suggest just buying stuff for them all, but paying for food was normal. "So what are you gonna eat?"
"Well there's a lot, I guess I'll grab some pizza. That sounds good right now."
"Right, let me come with you, I'll pay."
Natsuki let me, and I did, when she had her food I sat down and continued eating. I wanted to go see what Monika and Sayori were up to, but it'd feel scummy to just leave Natsuki here.
Luckily for me while we were eating the solution appeared in the form of Yuri, "Hey you two." She greeted softly, carrying a bag of what looked to be a few books.
"Hey Yuri." I waved, while Natsuki was still stuffing her face with pizza. "Hungry? I can get you some food."
"That'd be lovely… There's a ramen shop right there, can you get me some?"
"Sure, what kind?"
She told me what she wanted, and I went to get it. Some simple miso ramen, can't beat the classics I suppose. Once I had it, I headed over to her and placed it in front of her, "Now we're even for the tea."
Yuri giggled, "I suppose so, thank you Alex."
"I'm gonna go check what Monika and Sayori are up to, here." I placed some money on the table, "When Kana shows up just tell her I said to use this to get some food, my treat."
Yuri gave a nod, and I texted Sayori, 'I'm done eating, where are you two?'
Sayori got back to me pretty quickly, 'That clothes store we went to last time, remember?'
I did, so I responded, 'I'll be right there.' Before putting my phone away and starting over to the store.
When I got there, I heard Monika and Sayori talking, but they both seemed to be in changing rooms, so I just called to them when I got over there, "Hey you two, I'm outside when you're done."
"Oh, Alex! Glad you're here. We're trying on some different outfits and could use your opinion." Monika seemed enthused, and I sighed. I guess I should have known this was what was waiting for me here.
"Alright, I'll do my best."
What entailed was around 30 minutes of judging a bunch of separate outfits. Monika had more than Sayori, but they both seemed to have plenty of ideas. Different sets of clothes blur together into my mind as I gave my opinion, and each of them had a whole stack of outfits in their arms when it was all said and done.
"Well, Alex! This is on you right~?" Sayori smiled innocently.
"I guess I did say that…"
Monika grinned, "See Sayori? I told you he was too kind to say no."
"You're right, Monika!"
I blushed, "Aah… Don't just take advantage of the fact that you both know I can't say no to either of you."
The two of them giggled and I felt a fear grip my heart, just what were these two devious girls planning?
I could only wonder as I paid for their clothes and we all walked out, both of them carrying their bags of clothes.
"So did you get to eat Alex?" Monika asked.
"Yeah, I got some more Takoyaki, the others should be back at the table by now."
As we got back, we saw them all eating together, Kana included.
"Hmmm, so much food, what should I eat?" Sayori ponders.
"I hear the beef bowls are really good at Akashimaru." Monika points to the restaurant's location at the food court.
"I'll go there!"
"Hmm, I'll have some too." Monika taps her own cheek, "I think they have some vegetarian rice bowls there."
"Well, only one way to find out." I follow them to the beef bowl place.
Finally, when they had their food, and I had a small beef bowl since the takoyaki wasn't going to be enough to fill me on its own, we all sat down.
The whole club at the table, it honestly felt like a special occasion, even if it really wasn't.
Everyone had a drink of some kind as well, and Monika hummed, "I kind of think we should be toasting."
"Toasting? To what?" Yuri wonders, tilting her head.
"To Sayori's recovery, and to her going back to school!" Monika raises her cup, "How about it?"
Well, I could get behind that. "To Sayori!"
Sayori was blushing as she was uncharacteristically silent, while the rest of us toasted her. "To Sayori!" Was the cheer of our table.
"T-Thank you guys." Sayori sniffled a happy sniffle, "I'm so happy to have friends like you all. I don't know what I'd do without you all."
"Hey, don't worry about it Sayori!" Natsuki was the first to respond, "You're a bit clumsy sometimes but you're like, super smart in your own way, and super nice too!"
"Well, since this day really is celebrating Sayori's recovery, why don't you decide how we wrap today up, Sayori?" I suggest, sipping the Dr. Pepper I got with my beef bowl.
Sayori rubbed her chin, now preoccupied with that question, "How about… Karaoke!"
I was lucky enough to be between sips when she said that or I might have gotten some down the wrong pipe by sucking in the air I did when thinking about that. Yuri wasn't so lucky as she started coughing.
The others didn't seem as against it though, as Monika smiled, "That sounds like a great idea! There's a karaoke club here in the mall, we can rent a room and sing just to each other rather than out in public!"
"Well I guess that's not as bad…" Yuri ponders.
Natsuki seemed to be all for it, "Hell yeah! I can show off my skills!"
Kana smirked, "Well I guess it's not a terrible idea. Sure."
"In that case, when we're done eating we'll all head over!" Monika resolved.
We all ate, knowing what was coming next. Not that I was especially opposed to it, I just knew I wasn't going to be that good at it. I've never tried singing before, at least, I don't remember trying it.
After the food was eaten and the trash was thrown away, we all headed to the karaoke place. It was a building with a front desk, the clerk smiled, "Party of Six?"
"Correct." I responded, paying for our room before the woman laid out the microphones we'd need, "The tablet for selecting your song is in the room." She puts down a keycard, "Swipe this to get into the room, and when you're done please return everything."
"Thank you." I smile, before leading the group to the back.
When we got there, we found plenty of couch space for each of us.
Monika was the first to say, "I'll go first, I don't want you guys to feel embarrassed having to be the first or anything."
"A noble sacrifice!" Natsuki proclaimed, while Monika smiled and took the tablet, beginning to look over the song choices.
"Oh, here's one! I'll sing this. Spring Breeze…"
She stands with her mic as the song starts, "You, you're setting off out on your own… Eager to do things your own way. Sun shining bright…"
Monika sings her song all the way through, and although she missed some notes and her pitch was a bit weird on occasion, overall she was great, and we all clapped for her afterward.
Monika gave a polite bow, "Thank you guys! Who's next?"
"I'll go!" Natsuki says with purpose, taking the tablet and looking through the songs. "Oh, they have this? Awesome! I'm gonna need some backup for this… Kana, wanna join?"
"Depends, what's the song?"
Natsuki showed her and Kana hummed, "It's a bit idol for me but sure, it could be fun!"
"Right! This is So Much More…"
The two of them sang this very poppy, idol-esque song. It made me wonder why the two of them put up those tough girl personas when they clearly had interests that weren't just fighting and other guy-stuff. Maybe it was to try and avoid getting bullied? No telling, and I wasn't about to ask. I wasn't that stupid.
"Okay, who wants to go next?"
"I will!" Sayori takes the tablet and looks through the songs with great intent, "Aha! I listened to this a lot when I was a lot sadder, it'll be fun to sing it now that I'm feeling better! Baka Mitai!" After selecting it, she grabbed her mic and stood up, as the song kicked on I felt like I'd heard it before, but I couldn't be 100% certain…
"I sing for you!" Sayori made a grand gestured to everyone, it seemed to be some kind of joke because Natsuki got it and started snickering.
"Baka Mitai… Kodomo Na No Ne…"
As Sayori went on singing, I could tell the song was a very solemn and heartfelt one, the kind you'd drink some whiskey to.
When she was done, she pointed to Yuri, "Your turn!"
"M-Me? Okay…" Yuri took the tablet and started to look through the songs, "Rouge of love… I remember liking that song." She took her microphone and stood.
The song she sang was very fitting, it was a strong song that went with her rather mature sounding voice, almost the sort of thing you'd hear at a cabaret, or some fancy club. It was refined, yet bouncy and fun.
When she was done, everyone looked at me and I realized it was suddenly my turn. "Oh boy… Alright, let me see…" I took the tablet and scanned the song list.
There were a lot of them, many the girls had already sung, and a few they didn't. It ended up down to two songs, 'Judgment' and 'Machine Gun Kiss.' I chose Machine Gun Kiss just because I felt it was more appropriate for me, based on the lyric preview I read.
The song kicked off as I stood with my microphone and turned to face the girls, "Midnight shadooowww evaporates~ Accelerate through this old highway city…" The girls clapped along with the rhythm of the song and cheered me on, and it honestly made me feel like a rockstar, one that only knew the basics of singing, but one nonetheless.
"Into the night, you by my side, your tear-stained eyes, rouge running down your cheek, but baby / Tonight everything's all right / As long as you're here next to me my sweet babe."
I continued singing, the girls cheering me on, Monika and Sayori both seeming to compete to see who can cheer the most passionately, since this room was sound proof they could cheer as much as they wanted, while the others seemed content to clap along with me.
"Not just one kiss, not two kisses, not one hundred / I've got a full clip of love for you, baby! Hold on to me and I swear I won't let go / I'll never let you slip away from me. Machine gun kiss let's just fall in love!" I wasn't the best at singing, especially on the last few notes, but I certainly tried my best, and the girls seemed to appreciate it.
"Nice, Alex!" Monika cheered, while Sayori whistled.
"Okay you two, stop being so extra!" Natsuki huffed, "We get it, you're both head over heels." She smirked, as Monika and Sayori both started trying to justify themselves.
I could only smile as I wiped some sweat from my brow, "Right… That's everyone. How about we head out and call this a wrap? We can head back to my place and then disperse for the night. It's probably gonna be dark by the time we get there."
We turned in the karaoke gear before heading back to the bus stop, the sun was setting and a gentle breeze was blowing through the world as I strolled silently with the girls, everyone talking amongst each other.
The bus trip back was smooth, and once we were back, I let everyone in, "If you've gotta get home it's best to leave now, otherwise you're free to stay for a while. I was gonna make some tea anyway."
Yuri and Kana both had to leave, while Natsuki asked me a question while I was in the kitchen.
"Hey uh… Can I leave this baking stuff here?"
"Huh? I mean sure… We're not baking anything anytime soon though."
"I know! It's just… Sometimes when I leave it at home my dad will get mad and throw it out, it's really annoying. So if I keep it here, it'll be safe."
Wow, that sounded like a dick move. "Ah, well… Sure, of course you can. Just put it in one of the cabinets, I've got space."
Natsuki went to do that, choosing a lower cabinet, which was fortunate because there's no way she could reach the top cabinets. "Okay, I hope you don't have a problem with it cause I'm gonna be baking here from now on!"
I didn't sign up for that, but… "Alright, just text me ahead of time."
"Yeah yeah." Natsuki waved her hand, "And… Alex?"
"Yeah?"
She walked over and gave me a very quick hug, "Thanks. You're a good friend."
"...I try my best."
Natsuki gave a small smile before leaving, bidding goodbye to Monika and Sayori before leaving for home.
That left the three of us. I left the tea on while I went to see how they were doing.
Monika had turned on a lamp as the sun was setting, while Sayori was relaxing, "Maan! Today was fun." Sayori smiled as she looked through the clothes in her bag, "I wish I could wear them now, but I guess that'd be a bit wasteful…"
"Yeah, don't get too carried away." I agree, "Sayori, if you're gonna start living here soon you could start moving stuff here, I have a room I prepared for you over in that hallway." I gesture towards the hallway.
"Ah yeah! My mom is going to be leaving again tomorrow, I should start moving stuff."
"Want me to help?" I ask.
"No, that's okay! I'm not gonna move everything, just my clothes for now." She gets up and races out the door in a cinnamon colored blur.
"God, that girl works on different rules." I sigh. "How're you feeling, Monika?"
Monika smiles, "Good, today was really nice. You're so thoughtful, Alex."
"I try-"
"Your best? I know." She grins.
Smiling, I sigh, "You know, eventually you and Sayori are gonna need to talk about the whole… Me situation. I'd feel awful if I got in the way of such a strong friendship."
"I know, I know… We've been talking a lot about you, but I haven't told her anything about how I feel yet. I don't know how to broach the subject…"
I was about to respond when I heard the kettle whistling, "Want some tea first?"
"Yes, thank you Alex."
I went and began setting out the tea set, pouring a glass for me and Monika, keeping an extra glass on the side for when Sayori was done.
I sat on the couch across from her when Sayori blitzed past us both, carrying a bag of clothes as she went to the hallway I pointed out.
"Uh… Did you tell her what room it was in, Alex?"
"She'll figure it out."
Sure enough she had set it down and was out the door again before I knew it.
I gently sipped my tea while Monika started talking.
"I want to tell her about… My feelings for you, but how do I do that? And knowing her, she'd probably try to put me before herself, say that you deserve me more than her, when I don't believe there's such a thing as 'deserving', it's what you want! And right now, well… Understandably, you don't know what you want."
At least she finally understood that.
Monika added, "Not to mention the elephant in the room."
"Right… How I just woke up one morning with no memories…"
"You WHAT?" Both Monika and I jumped as we looked over to the doorway.
Sayori was standing there, shocked as she tried to comprehend that, "Alex… You have amnesia?!"
Aw shit…
A/N: So a few years ago now I started this story because I felt there weren't a lot of good new stories coming out at the time and wanted to try my hand at it. it's exploded a lot more than I ever anticipated it would and the support has kept me going in some dark moments of my life. Where have I been? Well, I've been everywhere. I started college, I was diagnosed with ADHD and MDD and a few other things, and it was hard for me to find the time or the motivation to write. But no more.
I know it's hard to believe, but I intend to keep writing this story to its finish. It won't be as fast as the early days, I do have college classes and homework to take care of. Yet, I will try and keep a steady (somewhat steady at least) pace now that I have the proper medication I need to do the work I want to do.
To everyone who sent me DMs and reviews of support, saying how much you loved the story and hoped it would continue, thank you. You kept me going, and you kept the story alive in my heart. You're the reason this chapter is here now, and why there will be more to come. Please continue to reach out if you ever have any questions or comments. I hope you all can look past how long it took for this chapter to come out. Thank you!