Letters to Chaol Westfall

by G.is.bored

Letters Aelin wrote to Chaol, but never sent. On the boat to Wendlyn, in her rooms between training with Rowan, and during their time as rebels together in Adarlan. Aelin reflects on the love she had for Chaol with bitterness on her tongue. After all, what an idiot he was for calling her a monster.

7. Letter 7

Dear Moon,

I barely think about him anymore. Sometimes I miss him, or I miss what we had. I can't even tell the difference anymore. The thought of him only comes to me late at night when I can't sleep, but is no longer the cause of no sleep. I suppose this means I've healed?

Sometimes I recognize a feeling in my body and say to myself, I miss him. I don't know if it makes me weak for still missing him or strong for admitting I am still working on myself. Throwing myself into training has really helped keep me busy. I don't have the time to think about him anymore. Most nights when my head hits the pillow I instantly fall asleep.

I can recognize the changes in my behavior. I am more outgoing and will to take risks when it comes to socializing at the fortress. Although other then Emyrs I don't have any long personal connections. I suppose this could also be to Rowan's scowling. He is greatly feared at this place. I not sure if its reputation or something happened here. Reputation I hope.

I still own the ring he gave me. It's the last sentimental item I have. The rest I burned. With the normal sort of fire. I keep it in my pocket but rarely put it on. I think that's because I have some fear that if I wear it all the hurt and feelings will come rushing back into me. A shame really. It's a damn pretty ring. Maybe if I make a friend or meet a long lost sister I can gift it to her. It's too pretty to burn. Not that I could burn it anyways. If Rowan caught me lighting a fire without using my fire I'm sure I'd be chopping wood for months. If I even survive the bastard for that long.

Aelin stared at the note she had crumpled into her hand. Despite her furrowed brow and silent protests, the paper remained intact. It did not light up in impressive flames. She cursed a few times to see if the note would fight back. It seems when she was fighting (mostly just Rowan) that she'd come the closest to reaching her power. The paper, no matter how hard she thought at it, did not light ablaze. Aelin scoffed and threw it into the fireplace. Watching the smoke rise she felt as if some weight on her shoulders rose with it.