In lieu of a Christmas drabble (this time), here's something appropriate to roll in the new year/decade. Our resolution? To finish Born to Be Wilde in 2020! How feasible is that? Actually pretty feasible, though there is more left to go than you probably think.

(And if it doesn't work out, we've got a much easier resolution for 2021. Win-win.)

Drabble 14: Hindsight is 2020

Bunnyburrow

Wistful Warrens Orphanage

11 Years Ago

"A fundraiser? I don't know…"

Cotton Taylor, the middle-aged matron of the Wistful Warrens Orphanage, adjusted her glasses as she looked up at the fox standing at her door.

The fox, a friendly sort in a black suit and glasses of his own, nodded in understanding. "I realize it's a large undertaking, ma'am, but just think of the results. All of those poor children without a home should at least have the best one here they can be afforded, yes?"

Cotton frowned. The orphanage, a simple two-story building that stood atop a hill, had indeed seen better days. The wood was rotting in several places, a few windows were cracked, and one of the obligatory giant rabbit ears had fallen off. Now it just looked like a radio station. "You seem passionate about this, Mr. Reynard. Do you have any personal reasons for offering this service, if you don't mind me asking?"

He smiled slightly. "Well, I did once know a wayward fox kit in need of a responsible adult. I couldn't take him in myself, but I was able to help him get adopted. Now I want to extend that same generosity to the children out here."

"How lovely!" Her skepticism started to fade. "Do you have any other experience with children?"

He tapped his chin in thought. "Hmmm...well, I had to do some kitsitting before. Took in five of the little darlings at once."

"Really?" She leaned forward in interest.

"Oh yes! I took them right off of their parents' paws for the night, rented out a vehicle large enough to fit them all, and got them everything they needed to be quiet and comfortably snug. I can guarantee you that they have never felt a warmer embrace, and I am quite confident they never will again!"

"Wonderful! Then I feel much better about leaving such a project in your capable paws, Mr. Reynard. And I'm sure the children appreciate your help as well. Isn't that right, everyone?"

One-by-one, a bunch of tiny furry heads poked their way out from behind the doorway. Given the monospecies society that was Bunnyburrow, most of those heads weren't bunnies, but from various other species, mainly predators, who had the misfortune to be orphaned in a community that couldn't care less about them. No wonder the orphanage was in such a sorry state.

There were bunnies too, of course, and Reynard resisted the urge to ask what sort of bunnies were so unadoptable that even families of hundreds didn't want them.

One head stuck out to him though, namely because it belonged to a fox. A young girl, maybe eight or nine, with dark purple eyes that stared at him curiously. Perhaps she had never seen another of her kind before, or perhaps his suit was simply so fashionable (especially compared to her own rags) that she couldn't help but stare.

"I said, isn't that right?" Cotton pressed gently. "This nice mammal is going to be helping us out. What do we say?"

"Thank you, Mr. Reynard!" the children chorused.

"Oh no, thank you for giving me the opportunity," he insisted. "Now, if you would be so kind as to provide me with something to carry the collections in, and something official-looking so they know you're sponsoring this. You know how it is with foxes. We wouldn't want anyone to assume I'm just ripping them off, right?"

"I understand completely," she said sadly. "It's terrible how this community mistreats your kind." She glanced briefly at the fox girl, who was still staring at him. "I will get you what you need right away. Thank you again for doing this. Some may say foxes are red because they're made by the devil, but I say that's just the color of angels blushing."

He almost imperceptibly grimaced. "Anything to help."

A few minutes later, Reynard was walking back down the hill with a brown collections box tucked under one arm, a run-down sign for the orphanage under the other, and a stack of pamphlets hanging out of the front pocket of his suitcoat. He was grinning to himself wider and wider each step of the way.

Bunnies made such gullible marks that he personally chalked up their high fertility rates as an evolutionary defense against being literally too dumb to live. If they weren't shelling out their hard-earned salaries on cheap scams like this, they were instead lining up in droves to buy from his very own Fox Away brand out of protest. And it wasn't uncommon for the former to become the latter once they found out they'd been had. So whether they believed him or distrusted him, they filled his pockets just the same.

This couldn't be a more perfect racket if he played tennis with it.

True, the matron herself wouldn't actually lose anything out of this supposed "fundraiser", aside from some stray junk and her misplaced faith in the inherent goodness of foxkind, but she certainly wouldn't be getting anything either. If he was lucky, maybe he'd even make another Fox Away supporter out of her…

"Hey, Mr. Reynard!"

"Gah!" The tod stumbled, nearly tripping and rolling the rest of the way down the hill. But karma once again failed to strike him. He looked behind him to see the staring fox girl from the orphanage, who had apparently decided to try her paw at stalking as well. "What do you want, you...precious child?"

"Just wanted to see what you were doing," she said, arms folded innocently behind her back..

"Going to raise money for your orphanage. Did you not hear my spiel up there?"

"What's a spiel?"

"It's a grown-up word that you'll understand when you're older. Now shoo."

"Oooooh, I've heard words like that before. Matron says I can't repeat 'em though."

"That's nice."

Reynard started walking away again, only to find that the kit was still following him. This could be a problem. If he didn't shake her off soon, it wouldn't take her long to figure out that the money he was collecting for the orphanage wasn't actually going to the orphanage. He couldn't believe he was getting waylaid by a child, let alone a dirty and disheveled child in ratty clothes who looked every bit the poor, unfortunate orphan…

Wait a minute.

"How long have you been staying at the orphanage, little one?" Reynard asked, suddenly a lot friendlier again.

"Pretty much always," she said with a slight frown. "Matron says I came when I was real little."

A doorstep baby then. He actually felt a little sorry for her now. An orphan her whole life and he doubted that was going to change anytime soon in a place like Bunnyburrow.

Which would in no way keep him from exploiting her suffering for profit. "So...you'd say you have a good amount of attachment to the place, yes?"

"I guess so, yeah."

Reynard smiled down at her. "Then what do you say you help me help you?"

Town Square

9: 25 AM

Reynard flipped his phone closed.

"Okay, I see some potential donors now," he said, rubbing his paws together in glee. There were a few stray bunnies walking around, minding their own business and blissfully unaware of the deceptively-charming storm that was about to hit them. Reynard ducked behind a nearby building, out of sight. He then had to reach out and pull the unmoving kit behind with him.

"Are you sure this is going to work?" the girl asked as Reynard studied the movements of the bunfolk.

"Of course it'll work. I've done it a hundred times."

"Saving an orphanage?"

"...Yes."

"But didn't you say it could be hard because we're foxes?"

"When you're not abusing that very thing to your advantage, sure." He looked back at her with a smirk. "But no worries. Now that you're here, I've adapted the plan. We just gotta wait for a little more help to arrive."

"What kind of help?"

"You ask way too many questions, you know that?"

"I do?"

Within a few moments, a black van pulled up next to their hidden position. One of its tinted windows rolled down and the youthful face of a corsac fox teen wearing shades stuck out. "Yo, Big Daddy Rey-Rey! Got that thing you ordered!" Up greeted. The side of the van opened into a door and two more corsacs tossed a small, fluffy object to the ground at Reynard's feet.

"Excellent! Here's your pay." He reached into his suitcoat and tossed them a big wad of bills. Then he tossed a small one. "And here's extra to never call me 'Big Daddy Rey-Rey' again."

"No problemo, boss-mam!" The van promptly drove off again.

"Ah, here we go!" Reynard picked up the fluffy object left behind, looking it over. "And before you ask, those were my helpers. They may not be rabbits, but they do have funny ears."

"Actually, I wanted to know what that thing is." The girl stood up on her tiptoes, trying to get a better look.

"This, oh curious one, would be the plan."

"What's the plan?"

"Lagomorphopathy," Reynard was saying to a crowd of rabbits minutes later. "She thinks she's a rabbit."

He gestured down at the fox girl, who now looked more like a rabbit girl after sticking her in that costume he ordered. The costume thankfully came with a mouth flap to keep her from talking and likely ruining the whole thing. The genuine confusion in her eyes as she held up the orphanage's sign would only help matters.

"Do not smirk, please!" Reynard pleaded to an audience who mostly just looked baffled themselves. "She has lived with this affliction her entire life! Every day is a battle! Buddy, give us a little hop?" She didn't budge. Reynard subtly gave her a light kick in the rear, making her jump. "Is that not adorable?"

"Awwwww," the bunnies cooed.

"I mean, I am not going to be the one to tell her that what she's feeling is wrong," he continued. "That she's just a fox? Cause' that would break her sweet little heart." She looked up at him, appropriately oblivious. "Do you want to break her sweet little heart?"

The crowd muttered amongst themselves, expressing some well-warranted doubt still. It didn't matter. He knew from experience that it would only take one to open the floodgates.

Reynard pointed to the sign she was holding up, then held out his stack of pamphlets. "Donate now and help this confused child find a proper home."

Hearing that they wouldn't be expected to adopt her themselves, this suddenly got the crowd interested enough to pretend they were being supportive in front of their judging peers. One rabbit came up and tossed some bills into the collection box, then a few bucks from some bucks, and some dough from a doe. "Thank you, everyone!" Reynard cried, laying it on extra thick to attract the holdouts. "Even the smallest contributions can make the biggest difference."

Gradually, the crowd began to disperse, and despite most of them either not believing or not caring about this supposed victim of lagomorphopathy, they still left his collection box almost halfway full. At least the REAL victims remain as predictable as ever.

He looked down from his earnings to see the fox girl pointing at her mouth and trying to say something that was muffled. She had put the sign down to accomplish this, so it was a small wonder that she had apparently not figured out how to solve this communication problem herself. Reynard rolled his eyes and reached down to pull down the mouth flap. "Yes?"

"Did I do good, Mr. Reynard?" she asked cheerfully.

"You sure did!" he replied, ruffling her false ears a little. "You make such a convincing clueless child that one could easily mistake you for the real thing!"

"Thanks!" Her tail wagged happily. "So what now? We just gotta do that a few more times?"

"That's right. We'll just need to do a bit of walking first, find a new spot to set up."

"Okay."

She walked behind him in merciful silence for a bit before she asked yet another question. "Were we lying to those bunnies?"

"Whaaaaat? No, of course not," he said dismissively.

"But I don't think I'm a rabbit."

"Sure you do. Being an actress means getting into character, so for all intents and purposes, you have to think you are your character. Which, by extension, means that you think you're a rabbit right now. Got it?"

"Oh...yeah, that makes sense." She started hopping along behind him and twitching her nose.

Good thing too, because no real rabbit could possibly be this slow.

Some Clearing

12: 20 PM

Together, the two foxes repeated their act all across Bunnyburrow. The story mostly remained the same, although there were some slight alterations here and there. Sometimes, the girl was blind, sometimes deaf, sometimes terminally ill, sometimes it just so happened to be her birthday.

But one thing remained constant: the continuous flow of money from a bunch of gullible bunnies. And soon enough, the collection box was full.

"Nicely done!" Reynard praised. He set the box down on a rock a little ways away from the town itself, a small clearing occupied only by himself and his latest accomplice. Now he just needed to find some way to lose her.

But then again...she HAS been useful. And I've manipulated far smarter. Maybe it doesn't have to be so simple.

"We did it!" she cheered, bouncing around the rock in a circle. "We really did it, Mr. Reynard!"

"You, uh, can stop acting like a rabbit now," he pointed out. "Don't need the costume anymore either. We're all done."

"Oh right."

He looked away as she worked on getting the costume off. "But still, I have to admit, it's really been a lot of fun today. Been a while since I've had a partner on the job. The job of fundraising obviously. So I was thinking...maybe I can call on you again in the future. Establish a regular business relationship. Nothing big, just every now and then, when I need a little help. What do you think, kit?"

No response.

She couldn't still be stuck in the costume, right? "Hello?" He turned around now.

The girl was gone, having left the rabbit costume behind.

And so was the collection box.

Reynard stared silently at this scene for a few moments, clicked his tongue, and took a long, deep breath.

She just robbed me, didn't she?

It all made sense now. Why the girl had followed him incessantly, why she had agreed so readily to his plan, and why she had let him repeatedly humiliate her for the sake of profit. She wasn't an idiot after all. She had actually hustled him.

Having been bested by another fox, a part of him wanted to tip his proverbial hat off to her and let her leave with her well-conned earnings. But the other part of him still had a reputation to uphold.

And so, the self-proclaimed World's Cleverest Fox took off on all-fours after a small child while screaming, "Get back here, you little shit!"

Well, at least it was better than, "Stop! Thief!"

But no more effective, for as soon as the kit carrying the collection box spotted her much older counterpart bearing down on her, she only ran faster, soon getting back into town. She may have only been on two legs, but the spirit of youth was on her side.

Clever. She must be planning to lose me in the crowd. It might have worked too, if not for all the scams we just pulled together.

As the townsbunnies watched the speedy fox run by, not in her costume, one doe dropped her grocery bag in shock and yelled out, "She's cured!"

Like a chain reaction, this soon set off several others, clapping, cheering, and shedding tears of joy in support of the brave little girl who had overcome lagomorphopathy and embraced her true self. "Look at her, stealing from someone just like a fox! So proud!"

All the attention they were heaping onto her made it pretty easy to tell where she was, the crowd parting this way and that to let her through, and Reynard right behind her.

Just a little closer...now! He leapt forward to pounce on her.

"Ow!" Before he could make contact, the girl fell flat on her face, causing Reynard to sail over her head and hit the dirt himself. As he got back up, he could see the smaller fox dart off again.

Fake tripping to shake me off. Impressive reflexes!

At risk of losing her, Reynard climbed up onto one of the nearby stands, peeling his eyes for any sign of that bushy tail.

He grinned as he spotted it below, jumping from roof to roof before he dove down to the ground again, landing directly in front of the kit and startling her.

She stumbled back, then turned and ran, crashing directly into a passing produce wagon and knocking its contents into his path. Seemingly by accident.

Using the environment to her advantage. Such ingenuity!

Reynard stumbled around all of the stray vegetables being spilled at him before he snatched up a pumpkin and whipped it at the back of the girl's head.

As if she saw the move coming, she made a sudden swerve to the left, darting past a large hare and bumping into his side. The hare stumbled from the blow, and into the path of his pumpkin projectile.

She isn't even above using the dumb bunnies as shields. The ruthlessness of a true fox!

This was fun, but it was time to put a stop to it before she really did slip away. Reynard stopped and pulled out his phone once again.

A good distance ahead, the girl looked back to see if she had lost him.

And ran head first into the black van that pulled in front of her. Dazed, she fell back onto the ground, dropping the collection box. The side of the van opened up again and the teen corsacs pulled both of them inside.

"God, I love speed-dial." Reynard soon caught up and jumped in as well. Then the van closed up and they drove off.

A few bunnies watched this all happen. "Should...Should we be concerned about that?"

Bunnyburrow, LIC/CORBROS 2009 Black Hoard Transit 12:43 PM

Inside the van, the young fox looked up at Reynard nervously, twiddling her thumbs. He stared back, his expression unreadable.

Finally, he turned to the two other foxes in here with them. "I wish to speak with her alone. Both of you, move up front."

Though he couldn't see their eyes behind the shades, he imagined they looked pretty confused by the request. "But the van's already moving," Down pointed out.

"And there's only room for two up front anyway," Sideways added.

"I see. Then let's take care of that problem, eh?" Reynard reached into his front pocket and pulled out a single coin.

"Is that our pay for nabbing the girl?" Down asked, obviously unimpressed.

"No, it's a reminder of the inherent cruelty of chance." He flipped the coin, then slapped it onto the back of his paw. "Heads or tails?"

Down correctly called heads, which gave him the privilege of climbing out of the moving vehicle and maneuvering his way to the front passenger seat. Sideways was simply kicked out of the van entirely and would be walking home that night.

"Now that that's taken care of," Reynard said, closing up the side again, "I believe you and I need to have a talk, little missy."

The girl flinched, staring down at the brown box by her feet. "I'm sorry, Mr. Reynard. I just couldn't help myself."

"Oh, don't worry, I understand," he said. "I was just like that when I was a boy. I know exactly where you're coming from."

She looked up in surprise. "So you were an orphan too?"

"Well, no, but I was a thieving little scamp with skills far beyond my years, if you catch my drift."

"I don't."

"Sure you don't." He winked. "Like I said, you don't have to pretend around me. In fact, I'm more impressed than angry."

"Really?"

"Mmmhmm. Enough to expand my offer even."

"What offer?"

He chuckled. "Ah right, you pulled your little stunt before I could even finish giving it. I'll start from the beginning then. No...I'll start from the beginning of the beginning."

"Okaaaay?" She still looked a bit confused, but all kits loved a good story, so she sat readily at attention and wagged her tail.

"A long time ago, I used to have a son. His name was Nicholas."

"Is he dead?"

"What? No! Just be quiet and listen!"

"Okay!"

"What I meant is that I'm not in touch with him anymore. He used to always hang around me, dutifully learning every one of my tricks of the trade. But then I was forced to leave him behind, in Zootopia, under the care of a new mentor, while I came here to try to retire in peace."

"Who'd ya leave him with?"

"This shrew from Tundratown, but that's not important. The 'retire in peace' part is the relevant part of the story."

"You don't seem very retired."

"Yes, I know, that's the point!" he snapped.

"Okay!"

"Anyway, I couldn't retire because my mind kept going back to Nicholas. Even as I built my own empire in Foxden, I couldn't help but keep checking in on him through my contacts still in Zootopia. From what I hear, he's making quite a name for himself in the Big organization and I couldn't be prouder."

"How big?"

"No, I mean...nevermind. Well, as soon as it became apparent that my son didn't need me anymore, I started thinking about what else to do with all of these skills I'd acquired. Sure, I could easily live out the rest of my years in Foxden, just kicking back and doing swan dives into the riches I've acquired, but that just seems like such a waste, you know?"

"I don't know."

"I know. You're still young. But there was still so much I'd never gotten to teach Nicholas, secrets that were going to die with me. So I decided I needed an heir, someone new to raise under my tutelage with no interference. I even had a whole plan laid out for how to do it. See, there was this bright young vixen in Foxden who caught my eye. I tried to get to know her and then, well…"

"You banged her?"

Reynard blanched. "Wha...that's the part you completely understand?! Eesh, the things you learn in a bunny orphanage…"

She smiled innocently.

"But no, I didn't. That was certainly the intent, but...I couldn't do it." He sighed sadly. "It's pathetic, I know, but even after all these years, I'm just too faithful to Marian. Damn 'mate for life' instincts. Stubborn as I was, I pretty much gave up on the idea right there. I thought I couldn't possibly find a true successor unless they actually shared my DNA."

He perked up in a heartbeat, grinning down at her proudly. "But then you came along! You adorable, scheming little monster! I've never been so happy to be outfoxed!"

"You're welcome?"

"No, you're welcome!" he declared, standing up dramatically. "Welcome to be the newest member of the Wilde family! I don't want you as a partner anymore, I want you as a daughter, an heir to my vast empire! What do you say?"

"Wait, you mean you want to adopt me?" A slow, hopeful grin began to cross her muzzle.

"Don't be so modest, of course I do!"

"Then YES!" Her grin reached full happitude and she started bouncing around like a little furry pinball. "I can't believe I'm actually getting adopted! Thank you so much, Mr. Reynard! I can't wait to tell Matron!"

"Yeah, I...oh crap. We will have to go back there, won't we?" His good mood diminished slightly when he realized that he couldn't legally adopt this child without reporting in to the matron about the funds he had allegedly been collecting for her. To maintain his cover, he would have no choice but to actually be an honest fox for once and hand over the donations as promised. The thought made him physically ill, but…

"You know what?" He leaned down and pulled the girl into a hug, her tail beating against his arm in excitement. "You're worth it, my precious little long-term investment."

Wistful Warrens Orphanage

1: 16 PM

"You're going to adopt her? Really?" Cotton asked in surprise.

"Yes, really," Reynard confirmed, his paw clasped on top of her head. "This little darling has captured my heart." And my profits. "I would be more than happy to take her home with me."

"I was worried sick about you, running off like that," the rabbit scolded, looking at the kit disapprovingly. She just smiled sheepishly and nuzzled up against Reynard's leg. "But I suppose it worked out well in the end. Did you help Mr. Reynard with the fundraiser too?"

"I sure did! I was a biiiiiiiig help!" She nudged the collection box with her nose. "Come on! Show her how much we made!"

Reynard held the box towards her and flipped it open. It was overflowing to the point that a few bills spilled out.

"My lands!" Cotton said brightly. "This will be a great help to us. You truly are a saint, Mr. Reynard." She attempted to take the box. "Erm...you can let go now, Mr. Reynard."

Reynard forced a grin. "Oh, sorry about that. Must be these old joints locking up on me." With visible effort, he released his hold on the box. "There. Take it. All of it."

She did. "Thank you again. Just wait there while I fetch the adoption paperwork." She left the room, carrying the box out of sight.

I will get my money back from you if I have to burn this place to the ground and pry it from your cold, decrepit-oh, that was fast! Good service!

He put on a less fake smile as she returned with the paperwork and a pen. A shitty pen. "Just fill out the information here, including your name and hers."

"Sure. Wait...her name?"

"We do need to keep track of who's who," she joked. "You...do know her-?"

"Of course I do!" he laughed. "Wouldn't that be silly, adopting a child without even bothering to learn her name! Hilarious really! It's...oh, this old brain's locking up too…"

"It's Vixey!" the child told him.

"Indeed it is! Thank you for reminding me, Vixey. Lemme just sign your name right here…" He spent a few moments speed-filling the paperwork, a talent envied by many. "And done!"

Cotton looked it over, smiling in satisfaction. "Then congratulations, you are now a father, Mr. Reynard. And Vixey, I hope you enjoy Foxden. We're going to miss you here, but I'm just happy you found a home."

"Me too!" she agreed, looking up at the older fox. "Come on, let's go, Mr. Reynard!"

"Awww, you don't have to call me that anymore," he said warmly, smiling back. "Dad will suffice."

"Okay! Let's go, Dad!"

Vixey practically skipped out of the orphanage, her brand new father trailing behind her. Not that she'd ever had an old father, or at least, not one she knew of. Ooooooh, fathers are so exciting!

And to think, all of this happened just because she got a little too excited. When Dad said they were done fundraising, she didn't even think, just grabbed the box and ran as fast as she could back towards the orphanage. She probably should have told him first, but he seemed to like chasing her for some reason, so she kept running. It was probably the funnest game of Tag she'd ever had, even if he kinda cheated at the end.

But it didn't matter now. They got the money back to the orphanage just as they planned and now she was getting adopted. She must have really impressed him with her fundraising skills. Maybe that's what he was talking about on the van and they were going to save more orphanages together. She wasn't really clear on that, but whatever he wanted to teach her, she was sure she could learn it.

The black van pulled up in front of them again and she felt her father's paw land on her shoulder. "Ready to go home, Vixey?"

The red fox kit nodded enthusiastically, her bright auburn fur glinting in the sun. "I'm ready, Dad!"

Ah, miscommunication. Truly the staple of any family drama. Turns out that an attitude of always believing every fox you meet is secretly out to con you can have unforeseen consequences for everyone involved, even if you're a fox yourself.

Told you Vexey (formerly Vixey) was going to be getting more appearances outside of her arc and boy did she. 11 years of living with Reynard can really do things to a little grey fox (formerly red fox). Sometimes children don't get along with their fathers, and sometimes they do everything possible to disassociate themselves from them.

If that "lagomorphopathy" scene looked familiar, that's because it was taken almost whole cloth from a deleted scene in the movie itself. It was seemingly deleted because it made Judy look like too much of a gullible idiot, which should tell you some things about Reynard's opinion on the bunnies here.

That's all on the drabble front for now. If we wanna make this resolution happen, we should probably write some more actual chapters too. See you then!