Edited by Stilldreaming85.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Edward Cullen.

Rage was my ultimate downfall, my ultimate destroyer.

I was not a good person, I knew that and I could live with that. But it hurt like hell knowing that she knew how bad I was.

Was there a reason behind my actions?

Yes!

Rage!

I wanted her to hurt like she had made me hurt and as selfish as that may be, it felt somewhat good knowing that she had felt some of my pain.

Even so, if I could take it all back, I would because no matter how much I wanted her to hurt, I never wanted her to hate me.

When she didn't come down for dinner last night, when she didn't come down to greet my sister and brother in law, I had left her alone as did everyone else. It was for the best, I knew she needed time to herself.

But today her time was up. She could not hide away forever. She had not even opened her door to Carmen or my mother. It was now nightfall and at this point no one had seen or heard a word out of her.

"I do not think you should go up there," Carmen said.

"Well, it's a lucky thing that I do not care what you think," I said, setting up a tray of food to take up to Isabella's room with me.

"You need to give her time to process what has happened."

"She has had more than enough time," I said, irritated.

"You killed a man in front of her. What did you expect nipote, that she would jump in your arms and say good job?" Carmen scalded, slamming her palms down on the kitchen bench.

"She is my wife," I said, choosing to ignore her outburst at me. My zia had a tendency to put her nose in places where it did not belong and this was one of them.

"Then you should treat her as such."

"Are you bored?" I asked. "Do you not have an event to organize?"

"Where is Janina?" She asked with a raised brow.

"Why is that any of your concern?"

"If you want my advice, nipote, I would get rid of the mistress before trying to make amends with the wife. You never know nipote, maybe the next time she walks out the front door she might not walk back in," my zia chuckled. "She would have been a very smart girl if she had not come back the other night."

I knew what it was Carmen was trying to do and I was not about to fall for it, but that did not mean that her attempt did not have some effect on me.

I had gripped the edge of the granite bench until my knuckles had turned white and almost snapped.

"You would be wise to mind your own business, zia. We wouldn't want something bad to happen now would we."

"You might be this famiglia's capo, nipote, but you should know by now not to make threats that you cannot deliver on," she said, staring at me.

"I am not threatening you, zia, I am promising you. Famiglia or not, do not test me."

~MINY~

Maybe I was a fool, but after my little talk with Carmen in the kitchen, I decided not to bother Isabella, because as much as I do not want to admit it, I think my zia was right in saying I needed to leave my wife alone at least until I sorted Janina out.

The problem with Janina though, was that I could not simply dispose of her the way I wanted to, not just yet. She had a purpose after all.

As I sat here in Eleazar's and Carmen's living room with a drink in my hand, I thought of all that had gone wrong in my life these past few years. It was a dangerous thing to do to let my mind wander away to that dark place.

But the more I thought about it the more I realized I was the only one to blame for all of the mess that had happened.

Right from the beginning I had all the power to put a stop to what my brother had done and yet I did nothing. I sat back and watched him, let him torture Isabella, dare I say I even helped him.

I had had numerous occasions to have ended her and put her out of her misery and yet every time the thought alone made me sick to my stomach. I could not see her dead, I could not take her life myself and yet I couldn't let her go either.

Three years ago all I wanted was for her to finally have some happiness, and now...all I wanted was to hurt her, to make her feel what I felt when she disappeared.

Why?

Maybe it was because she had agreed to my father's plans.

Maybe it was the fact that she had found happiness without me.

Or maybe it was that she wouldn't let herself be happy with me. She would not let me love her because I did, I do love her.

I let the drink slip through my fingers and onto the floor, not giving a damn if it stained Carman's carpet.

I leaned forward, letting my head fall into my hands. It felt as if a ton of brinks was now resting in my palms or maybe it just was that I had no strength left in me right now.

The silence around me was both a relief and a disaster. It was peaceful, but I wanted the noise, I wanted to hear voices, anyone's. Because in the quiet all I had were my thoughts and they were things that I could not and would not deal with now.

I was thankful when I heard faint footsteps coming down the stairs. They became louder and louder as they approached the room I was currently in, the small giggle let me know it was my niece. She had always been a strange child with peculiar sleeping habits, even now at the age of eight, it was well past midnight and she was still wide awake.

"Should you not be asleep?" Isabella asked her. My head snapped up when I heard her voice and our eyes instantly met. All the color drained from her face.

"I'm not tired. And I missed you, Marie. Didn't you miss me?" Sofia asked, batting her little lashes at my wife. But Isabella's attention remained solely on me. She sighed and let out a deep breath. She looked almost defeated as if she was giving up or had given up.

"Marie," Sofia said, tugging on my wife's dress.

"I...What?"

"I asked if you missed me?"

Isabella averted her gaze from me. Offering my niece a small smile, she leaned down to her level.

"Of course I missed you. You're my favorite princess after all. But I do think you need to get to bed," my wife said.

Sofia huffed and gave Isabella a frustrated look before she turned her little head to face me. She looked between the both of us, her head going back and forth a few times before a large grin spread across her face.

"Oh, I get it," she said, as if she had figured out some puzzle. "I know why you want me to go."

The older Sofia became, the more she took after her mother. She was a smart child sometimes too smart for her own good.

"Get to bed," I said, waving her off. I watched her as she ran out of the room laughing, shaking my head.

And then it was just the two of us. An awkward silence fell between us as we stared at each other. I was thankful she was not scared of me, or if she was, she hid it well. But lord knows I wouldn't blame her if she was.

"You finally came down," I said.

"I didn't realise you had missed me."

"I've always missed you," I admitted.

"Good night, Edward," she said, turning on her heel to leave.

"Wait," I said, springing up from my seat. I caught her hand and spun her around to face me, grateful for the fact that she made no attempt to pull out of my grasp.

She stood waiting patiently, looking at me, waiting for my next move, to say something maybe.

I had thought of so many things I wanted to say to her, I had thought about it all day and now that I had her here in front of me I could not think of a single word to say to her.

"Is there something that you wanted?" She asked.

"I..um…" Come on Edward, pull it together, I thought to myself. The more I continued to stare at her, the more words seemed to fail me as if my tongue was tied up. I could not form a single word.

"Let go of me, Edward," she said, pulling her hand out of mine, as if my touch had burned her somehow.

"Dolcezza, please hear me out," I said, trying and failing to reach for her.

"There is nothing that you can say, Edward. Nothing. No justification so do not even try because you will only make yourself look stupid."

"That wasn't me, Isabella," I said, shaking my head.

"No?" She laughed bitterly. "Because it sure as hell looked like you and Anthony is dead, you can't play the switch card."

"I was not myself. I snapped." I tried to justify.

"I am sorry that you snapped," she said sarcastically, throwing her hands up in the air. "I'm sorry that you could not control yourself. I'm sorry that you felt the need to have me watch you kill another man. I'm sorry that you wanted me to do it for you." At this point her voice had become so loud that I was sure they could hear her all the way upstairs. That's what I needed right now, for my father to hear this, to hear her and come down and watch the show, no doubt this would amuse him.

"Lower your voice, please, before you wake everyone up," I said.

"Lower my voice?" She pointed to herself. "I don't think so Edward. Now it's my turn. Now I've snapped."

"Fuck, Isabella, stop this bullshit," I said, irritated more so with myself than her.

She threw her head back with laughter. "Or what? What are you going to do about it Edward?" She asked, taking a few steps in my direction.

"Hmm, what are you going to do? Drag someone else in here and kill them before me? Are you going to hit me?"

"Dolcezza."

"No, you wouldn't do that, would you. You would have your brother or your father do it for you."

"I'm sorry," I said, trying again to reach out for her, but she moved back.

"It's too late for sorry, Edward. Sorry doesn't fix anything. Sorry doesn't fix the image that is stuck in my head," she said as she roughly pointed to her temple. "Sorry doesn't fix that I couldn't even kill myself."

"What the fuck," I yelled at her confession. How the hell could she have even tried to do something like that? How the hell did I not see that, know about that?

"I tried, I really did. But every time I closed my eyes all I saw was Stefan's face and I couldn't, I couldn't do it because I didn't want to see it, to see him and you like that."

She closed her eyes but quickly snapped them back open. She was chewing on her bottom lip as if she thought it might stop her from crying but it was a failed attempt. I tried once more to approach her, thankful that she didn't move away, even more thankful when I had her in my arms.

She put her head on my chest, but that was it. I wrapped my arms around her as tight as I could, never hating myself more than I did in this moment.

"Why did you have to find me?" She asked, so quietly. "Why did you come here to ruin me?"

"I had to find you because I love you."

"No," she said, pushing me away. "No you don't. You're not capable of love Edward, you never were."